Chapter 61: Augh, enough; I'm calling it "done"
"Wow, somebody's got muddy feet", Patricia observed, pointing out the trail of footprints to her friends as they wandered along the sidewalk after class.
"Bet they're headed for the spa", Okuma replied. "I think I see 'em up ahead there..."
...Wait, that looks like...
"Yep, it's Hideki all right", Chi chuckled, noticing the looks on her friends' faces. "That much mud, who else would it be?"
"Passed his written test, I guess", Patricia surmised.
"Yeah, about a week ago", Chi replied in a cheerful tone, raising the volume to see if Hideki would hear her. "Now to see how he did on his practical test."
"I think I did pretty good on it", Hideki mumbled, turning around to see Chi and a few of her grad-school classmates behind him. "Or at least, I definitely showed them how to deal with a malfunctioning goji-berry-picking machine..."
"I guess that explains the mud", Chi cooed, giving Hideki a big hug and getting her already rodent-poo-stained outfit even grungier.
*Click-whirr*
"You taking dirty pictures of us, Patricia?", Chi punned, noticing the camera flash.
"Well, it just seemed an interesting shot", she explained, reviewing the image on-screen, "the two of you with so much of ..your work.. clinging to you..."
"Well, it's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it", Chi quipped... and, waving "catch-you-later" to her classmates, the Motosuwas headed straight for their familiar outdoor washdown site behind the spa where a few puffs of smoke hinted at the several big diesel-bots already having a wash.
"Nice nosedive back there at the farm", one of the tank-tracked industrial robots congratulated Hideki the moment they arrived.
"Thanks Polnareff, I wondered if anybody saw that", Hideki replied.
"Saw it just as I was leaving", Polnareff elaborated. "You really impressed the boss-man with that save."
"I sure hope so", Hideki sighed, watching the streams of mud meander their way across the pavement as Chi hosed him down. "Since I didn't graduate, I really need to be sure I get this job."
"Shampoo time", Chi announced as she opened up the big bottle of persocom-grade shampoo.
"Bubble bath", one of the other two diesel-bots commented, noticing the enormous amounts of soap suds the Motosuwas were generating. "Don't often see that out here."
"Just when those two show up", the other replied.
"What's that on the side of the road?", Hideki wondered out loud as the two of them approached the Gub Jogasaki. "Some sort of white- Ugh, it's a dead cat."
"I guess that's what that squalling-tires noise was a minute ago", Chi surmised, kneeling down to examine the unfortunate animal.
"We should call Animal Control", Hideki suggested. "Have them come get- What are you doing, Chi?"
"Forget Animal Control", Chi told him, picking up the cat. "I'll handle this one."
"I dunno, Chi", Hideki waffled nervously, "I heard somewhere that if you bury a strange cat you'll end up being possessed by it."
"Is that what the ghost from Room 104 told you?", Chi teased, and Hideki cringed at the memory of his earlier panic.
It had been several years ago, but that flickering light in the window, the legend of that murdered mistress... The whole creepy aura around it all still gave him the heebie-jeebies. "I, um...", He mumbled.
Chi glanced briefly back at Hideki with the kind of look he'd seen her give some of the pikas at the DNA lab .. and then said nothing, leaving Hideki feeling a bit confused. {She thinks my fears are cute?}, he wondered in silence.
"A dead cat?", Chitose reacted to the sight of the Motosuwas wandering in with yet another animal. "Is that another lab animal that died?"
"No, I found it on the road", Chi explained, handing her mother the cat. "But if the college vet and my microbots can save it, maybe it WILL be another lab animal..."
"This is still warm", Chitose sighed, watching her daughter run up the steps. "Do you know when it got hit?"
"Two minutes ago, tops", Hideki estimated. "I've heard of people coming back after being technically dead for a while... but I think that's if they drowned or froze or something."
"I emailed the vet's assistant and he says the doc is still there", Chi announced loudly, putting the vial in her pocket on her way back down the stairs. "I'll let you know how it goes."
"Are you-", Hideki started to say. But Chi was already out the door with a dead cat and a vial of tiny robots, taking levitronic flight towards the college.
"Well, there she goes", Hideki mumbled, "my dedicated cyborg-ologist."
"A cyborg-ologist?", a voice called out from just down the sidewalk. "Is she gonna make a cyborg out of that dead cat she was carrying?"
"Kogasa", Hideki greeted her. "Yeah, she's on her way to the vet with it."
"Thought we'd drop by since it was right on our way", Shinbo cut in. "We've been checking out a pre-school for Kogasa."
"Oh, it's a little one", Chitose cooed, approaching Takako who was holding a small child (presumably Kogasa's little sister).
"Sure is", Takako replied, doting on the one-year-old. "They don't stay little for long, do they?"
"Nope", Chitose confirmed. "Of course, mine were never that little in the first place..."
"Wishing you could've watched us grow, Mom?", A voice called out from the open window.
"Hmm- I AM watching you grow, Akashi", Chitose chuckled. "Mentally, emotionally, socially..."
"Ah, I can't belive they kicked you out", Shinbo clucked. "Not when you were that close to graduating."
"I'll be fine, as long as I get the job I applied for", Hideki responded resolutely. "No need for anyone to pity me..."
"I certainly don't pity you, Motosuwa", Shinbo told him. "The people I pity are the ones whose lives are boring."
"Seriously though, a cyborg-ologist?", he added. "Sounds like there's never a dull moment for you."
"Sorry to have to always be running off", Takako cut in apologetically, glancing at her watch. "Never a dull moment for us, either."
"I'd like to get your opinion about an egg", Chitose mumbled cryptically, she and Hideki watching the Shinbos hurry away, off to yet another appointment or something.
"What's this about an egg?", Hideki asked Chitose, the two of them wandering into her room where Akashi and Sunshine were playing a bit of Angelic layer .. or rather, they had their Angelic-layer dolls playing a game of miniature 1-on-1 basketball. "Do you mean the one Chi wants to use?"
"That would be the one", Chitose confirmed. "I know she already told you, but I wanted to see what you thought about it .. the fact that I'll be the genetic mother if you two do end up having a child that way."
"I don't see it as weird or anything", Hideki assured her. "I mean, even if Chi was human, half her DNA would be from you anyway."
"SCORE!", Sunshine hooted as the tiny basketball found the tiny hoop.
"If anything, I'm worried about whether it can really be a cyborg", he added. "And I definitely want part of any kid we have to be from Chi, too."
"Yeah, that part has me a bit puzzled too", Chitose admitted. "Since two genetic parents are still needed, it's not as if it can be the start of a new species or anything..."
"SODEY-POP!", a loud voice called out from the open doorway. It was Sora.
"Hi, Mom!", Sunshine greeted her. "Wanna play some basketball?"
"I guess there's time for a game or two before we head home with Kojima's groceries", Sora giggled, opening one of the cans as she sat down at the Angelic Layer table. "Either that or some bowling..."
"Email from Dad?", Akashi guessed, noticing the streaks of light dancing across Chitose's visor. "Getting a bit late, kinda figured he'd be back by now..."
"Nah, he's still at that technology show", she chuckled. "He just sent me a picture of some rooftop solar panels."
"That's some weird-smelling 'sodey-pop' you got there", Hideki teased Sora as she started a game with Sunshine.
"Well, I kinda figured it would be a bad idea to yell 'BEER BEER' with you in the room", she teased back.
In spite of having Kojima's groceries with her, Sora's "game or two" turned out to be more like a dozen or two... Or rather, they were still playing when Hideki, tired out from that all-day practical agricultural-technology test, decided to climb the stairs and flop over on his futon. And he was sound asleep by the time Chi got back.
"What's that on the floor?", Hideki wondered, the dim view of ...something... swimming blurrily into view.
"Oh, it's a goji berry", he realized as he picked it up and ate it.
"Wait, why is there a TRAIL of them?", he added as he followed the path of goji berries, eating as he went. "And why are they evenly spaced down the middle of the hallway? Is someone trying to lead me somewhere?"
Hallways turned into branches of hallways as Hideki continued his adventure throughout the labyrinthine building in search of goji berries, goji berries, and more goji berries.
"Who's there?", he gasped, a chill running down his spine at the vague impression of- "OH NO! IT'S THE GHOST OF ROOM 104!"
"What in the heck was THAT dream, a PAC-MAN or something?", Hideki moaned groggily as he awakened to the light of the midmorning sun streaming in through those faded old green curtains. "Ohhh, I'm just not any good at waiting around for things... Come ON, Chitanda-farms, gimme a call already-"
BRRRRIINNNNG!
"EYAAAAAAA!"
"MOSHIMOSHI?", Hideki answered, holding the portable retro-video-game mini-console to his ear. "Hello, anyone there?"
BRRRRIINNNNG!
{Oh crap this isn't the phone}
"MOSHIMOSHI?", Hideki panted into the phone, almost dropping it on the floor in his haste to answer.
"Hideki, aren't you awake yet?", a clearly amused-sounding Chi asked over the phone. "C'mon down to the DNA lab if you wanna see something really cool!"
"S-, uh, sure thing, Chi", Hideki stammered. "Lemme grab some breakfast first and I'll ... Hello? Huh, she hung up already."
"So, Chi...", Hideki called out as he entered the DNA lab. "What's this 'really cool'..."
"IT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE", she cackled maniacally, her mad-scientist laughter echoing out across the laBORatory along with the crackling-spark noises from several nearby tesla coils throwing lightning around the room.
Just kidding.
There weren't really any tesla coils.
But there was a cat. And it wasn't a dead cat, either. It wasn't in that good a shape, but it was at least alive.
"So it's back from the dead, huh?", Hideki asked. "Does that mean it's a zombie cat now?"
"Actually, turns out it was still alive when I got it here, albeit barely", Chi explained. "And after a night of good veterinary care, and my little bots helping repair the tissue damage, I think it's ..probably.. going to be okay now."
"..Nyan..", the cat greeted Hideki in a weak voice.
"It knows me", Hideki surmised. "That's the kind of meow they use for people they recognize."
"It oughta recognize you", Chi replied cheerfully. "It is Algernon, after all."
"That soon?", Hideki asked in surprise. "It took awhile with the mouse, though..."
"Prior experience makes a big difference", Chi explained, "even with tiny bots."
"Maybe I'll try feeding it or something", Hideki mumbled.
"Algernon isn't up to eating anything yet", Chi explained. "But maybe you can try giving it some milk tomorrow evening, after you get home from work."
"Sure, after work sounds fine, I'll just- wait, what? But I don't have a- I mean- wait, what?"
"They sent an email about an hour ago", Chi gave him the good news. "Your job starts tomorrow morning."
"Hey, that's great, Chi!", Hideki responded, giving Chi a big hug.
"..Nyan..", Algernon added in a weak voice.
"Boy did it ever RAIN last night", Hideki groaned as he half-walked, half-waded his way through the front gate at Chitanda Farms the next morning. "Hello, I'm here for work- HUH?!"
"We have a situation", Polnareff declared, clattering his way across the muddy field. "We sent the goji-berry machine out at first light, and it's already stuck again."
"Oh, those goji-bots", Hideki facepalmed, trudging along towards the stuck bot. "Once we get it unstuck, let's try putting one of MY programs in- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"Well I WAS going to try to pull it out", Polnareff explained in a somewhat embarrassed-sounding tone as he skidded sideways into the deep mud. "But this stuff is turning out to be a lot slicker than I thought it was gonna be.."
"AAUGH, this is like some kind of black hole or something!", Hideki panicked, the flowing mud pulling him into the widening sinkhole. "It's gonna swallow us all- OH NOW WHAT? IS THERE A GIANT SNAKE IN HERE TOO?!"
"That's not a snake, Motosuwa", a voice called out from behind him, "I threw you a rope. Grab it, all three of you!"
"Aw man, for a moment there I thought that was another dream sequence", Hideki blathered, hosing the mud off of him as best he could. "I was like 'come on, me, wake up already!'".
"Let's see how it does after you've reprogrammed it", the manager chuckled from his perch high atop the big bulldozer he'd pulled them all out with. "In the meantime, Polnareff and I will be moving dirt around for some better drainage... so we don't get any more of those killer mudholes."
"Make sure you tie off to something solid, then", Polnareff warned. "I don't know WHAT we're gonna do if you get your BULLDOZER stuck!"
"Hi Chi!", Hideki called out, wandering into the DNA lab after work. "How's it going, Algernon?"
"..Nyan..", Algernon replied in a voice that sounded.. at least, less weak than before..
"Hideki", Chi greeted him cheerfully, a petri dish in one hand, a carton of milk in the other. "Survive your first day at Chitanda Farms okay?"
"More or less", Hideki laughed weakly. "Or at least, I managed to not get swallowed by a black hole."
"I'm sure glad I took those extra programming classes before I changed majors", he added, watching Chi finish up some lab work. "It really came in handy for that goji-bot and stuff."
"The one that got stuck?", Chi asked.
"Yeah, it was stuck again-", he started. "Wait, did you already hear about that?"
"Yeah, your boss sent off an email about that", Chi explained, reading him the email.
To: DNA_Doc Ookido, Ag_Dean Satoshi, Coder_Girl Jounouchi
CC: Chi, Patricia, Okuma...
Subj: College credit for degree-level work
Things are off to what seems an okay start with Motosuwa... and, if he can do all the kinds of work a college graduate can do (such as programming a goji-bot to avoid getting stuck again), which, so far, it seems like he can, I'm suggesting that his work here could count as college credit. There were, as I see reading his transcript, only a few classes left to finish, and on-the-job training should be more than enough to substitute for that.
"That sure sounds like good news", Hideki stated the obvious. "Like maybe I'll end up graduating after all."
"Distinct possibility", Chi agreed, handing Hideki a bottle. "Dr. Ookido is for it, and so are a bunch of the students."
"Am I that popular now?", Hideki wondered aloud, looking confusedly at the bottle of milk. "Oh- this is for Algernon, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's all over campus", Chi explained. "It's pretty much agreed that that was unfair... since you were poisoned that time, not drunk..."
"'..That time..'", Hideki blushed as he fed Algernon. "Yeah, I've had my troubles, all right. But to have it end like that... yeah, I'm glad people agree- Huh?"
"Something wrong?", Chi asked, noticing how Hideki was staring into space.
"N- no, it's not that", he replied in a spaced-out tone. "Hey, Algernon?"
"..Nyan..", the cat responded.
"When Chi and I have a cyborg child someday, is the 'cyber' part of it going to be you?"
Algernon replied with a knowing smirk, as if to say "Figure it out, dude".
And as Algernon began to purr, Hideki turned his glance to Chi. "That was a yes, wasn't it?", he asked.
"Definitely", Chi confirmed. "That's still some years away, and there'll probably be a name change, but the way I see it, our first child will remember being a cat, and a mouse, and before that, a bot colony in a petri dish with mold."
"Sounds amazing", he mumbled as Algernon finished his meal. "Maybe it's time to, you know, make it official and all..."
*CLICK*
"The humans are on to us", Boris announced in an accusing tone. "Didn't I tell you this was too obvious of a place to build?"
"What makes you think that?", Natasha asked, pausing for a moment with her wheelbarrow-load of construction materials. "You been watching Earth TV again or something?"
"That, and online reports", Boris confirmed. "That little camera-bot they sent flying by here? It SAW us! It saw the building we put up! They're gonna know we're out here! They're gonna end up NUKING us again!"
"What, lemme see", Natasha requested, reviewing the footage for herself. "You're not talking about that little DOT, are you?"
"That 'Little dot' is all over the discussion groups and stuff", Boris fumed. "They're already saying it might be something artificial.."
"They're not gonna nuke Ceres over a little DOT", Natasha replied flippantly. "If you're that worried, paint the new buildings gray. They'll think that one white roof is just mineral deposits or ice or something."
*CLICK-CLICK*
"I- uh...", a beet-red Hideki stammered, noticing how Chi had stopped what she was doing and was focusing all her attention on him.
"I was wondering when you'd say something like that", Chi replied with a smile. "We've been together for over 5 years now."
"Yeah, I was just waiting for... some stability, i guess", he explained, staring off into space. "And now, we both have a good education and jobs... so, now just seems like the right time."
Hideki paused for a moment to look Chi right in the eye. "Marry me, Chi", he declared.
"HIDEKI", she cooed, her arms wide as she hopped over a desk to hug her fiancee, oblivious to the mud that was still caked all over him.
"So they're really going to go through with it, eh?", Mr. Ueda sighed, once word of the Motosuwas' wedding plans got around, which it did very quickly since Chi had emailed all her friends inside of two seconds. "I'd like to tell them congratulations, but it kind of brings up some bad memories..."
"Because of Yumi the persocom?", Yumi the human asked, looking up from the cake dough she was kneading.
"Well, that and Cupcake", Ueda mumbled back.
"But we are going, right?", Yumi responded. "From the looks of things, it's gonna be a pretty big event."
"What- Yeah, I still think we should go", Ueda agreed.
"So, am I an aunt yet?", Freya responded to the Motosuwa wedding announcement. "Also, I was wondering if you've decided on a venue..."
"Well, we were considering the DNA lab at the college", Chi replied back. "But what with things at the college, the Kokobunji place would probably be better."
"Yeah, that was pretty cold", Freya added. "Expelling him on his final semester like that..."
"No problem here", Minoru chimed in, replying to the 'CC' Chi had placed on her email. "We do have plenty of room here."
And barely a week later, the Kokobunji mansion was being readied for the big event. Freya had already shown up in some kind of space-minivan-looking thing, with Yatsumi and their kid who now looked a lot more humanoid-shaped than before; that is, it had two arms, two legs, and a head with a proper face on it. "Holy COW, this is soooo much GRAVITY", it told Yatsumi, stomping around playfully in the Earth's pull.
"Do you have a name yet?", Yuzuki jokingly asked the young space-o-com, which responded by rolling its eyes and looking away.
"I- um... We've been a bit .. indecicive", Yatsumi cut in, she and Freya both blushing a bit.
"You haven't named your kid yet?", Yuzuki gasped. "How long has it been, anyway?"
"C'mon, you three", she continued, leading her outer-space friends into the study, "we're going to research some names."
"Brought some extra chairs", Takana called out loudly, the entire Kojima contingent wandering in through the open gate.
"Are we gonna livestream this?", Patricia asked as she showed up on the front porch. "I know there are a bunch of people at the college who'd like to see it."
"I think for sure we are", Yuzuki replied. "That way their classmates can- Is that a .. tuba?"
"Naw, it's an antenna for the folks up there in space", Patricia replied with friendly sarcasm.
Then she launched right into "Pomp and Circumstance" on the Tuba.
"Um, that's not actually a wedding song", Hideki mumbled.
"Nope, that's a preview for later", Patricia assured him. "For when you really DO graduate."
"Playing hideki's graduation-party music on a tuba would, I think, be fairly appropriate", Kotoko commented on her way by with a folding table, "..considering his rough trip through school and all.."
"You're not regretting marrying a human, are you?", Yumi fretted, trying unsuccessfully to read Ueda's mood once they'd seen the Motosuwas all dressed up for their big ceremony. "You seem kind of, I don't know.. far away right now."
"What- no, definitely not", Ueda replied, holding his wife close. "I just- well.. I guess being a widower does come with certain pitfalls. Or rather, now that I have you, there's no way I'd want anyone else."
Professor Satoshi groaned exasperatedly as he tried to concentrate on his administrative work as Dean-of-agriculture, his office door closed and his MP3 player blaring, the better to block out the inane blather pressing in on him from every direction. "Motosuwa this, Motosuwa that" ..stupid students questioning his decisions..
"Satoshiiii...", someone called out from outside the door. It sounded like Dr. Ookido.
"...oh, not you again...", Dr. Satoshi moaned. "What do you want, doctor eel?"
"That's doctor ELECTRIC eel to you", Ookido joked. "I don't suppose you've heard about the wedding, have you? One of our brightest students, that 'Chobit' girl..."
"Shut up and leave me alone", Satoshi complained bitterly, his chin resting on his desk. "That's about all I have heard about lately."
And then he opened his email. The one from Chitanda Farms.
"Is the whole world against me now?", he groaned, reading the email from Hideki's new boss, suggesting that his work there could count as college credit. "Oh good grief!"
"Do you think maybe you should just, you know, relent on this one?", Dr. Ookido prodded. "Most of the student body does seem to be on their side..."
Dean Satoshi sat by the window for a while, staring down at the crowds of college students milling about below.
"..ah, whatever..", he facepalmed.
A loud, low note interrupted everyone's idle chatter at the Kokobunji mansion. Patricia was playing the tuba again. And this time it really was wedding music.
And with Hideki waiting for her front-and-center, their friends both human and persocom, both earthling and asteroid-dwelling, around them... Chi in her favorite dress, took her cue from Patricia's tuba playing, and
Walked down the aisle
The End...
Or at least, it's the end of my involvement in this story.
It has to be.
I'm out of ideas, and don't have time to do this anymore anyway.
Oh well...
Life goes on, and I'm sure Hideki will graduate before long, so I suppose this is as good a stopping-off point as any.
Various References:
Characters brought in from Angelic Layer, a previous Clamp series that can basically be thought of as a prequel to Chobits:
Sai Jounouchi (an Angelic Layer contender)
The fighting doll Suzuka and her owner Hatoko Kobayashi
Dr. Mihara (only mentioned in Chobits but a main character in Angelic Layer)
Ogata (one of Mihara's employees)
some other (LOOSELY-BASED) externals:
Bundo, Ibuki: some of my classmates in high school
CPU (the band Freya was in): a cross between Evanescence and Draw the Emotional... with maybe a bit of Undead Corporation thrown in... (although its NAME is a computer take-off on "Heart" which is also the name of a band)
Erin (in Brazil): Erin from the old TV show "The Waltons"
Freya: Some aspects of her life and career were meant to parallel those of Janis Joplain (which is why, in the off-ramp chapter, she was part of the 27-club)
Levitronic circuitry: my take on how it was that Chi could fly, or at least leap across town in the Chobits anime.
Kei Kobayashi (Dita's I.T. guy): An older brother of Kotaro Kobayashi and Hatoko Kobayashi, the Angelic Layer character who owned the fighting doll Suzuka which Kojima was such a fan of years ago.
Obsequia: Uhura from the old Star Trek series.
Dr. Ookido: Prof. Oak from Pokemon (he genetically-engineers the Pikachu in the off-ramp chapter)
Dean of Agrigulture Satoshi (in name only): Ash from Pokemon
Polnareff: a character from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Servo technician who worked on Freya in America: me
Sheeps: obviously Scotty from the old Star Trek series.
Takana: some weirdo I met in college
Dr. Takeda and his wife are borrowed from another Chobits fanfic called "Coming to Terms" by ThanosOfTitan right here on fanfiction dot net
Tokie (Gouta's delapidated persocom): "Aunt Bethany" from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Mr. Umakaze (Zima's and Dita's boss): One of my own former bosses who shall NOT BE NAMED
Yuka Lelagh: Retainer Girl from the "Ermagherd" memes.
"Swamp-toad Alexandroid Lunacy Fire-in-the-sky" (The Pleidean slime-mold): a spoof on the name of the vampire-girl from the Monogatari animes.
The title of chapter 14: from a Slayer song
"Chitanda Farms": a reference to another anime (Hyouka)
"I don't want to go to South America, Chi, that place is flicted!", says Hideki in Ch19: a butchered line from Third Eye Blind ("I don't want to go to London")
"There IS no tomorrow", she whispered; "there is no yesterday; there is only right now" says Freya in Ch23: that was a line from the miniseries "Shogun"
..and yeah, I'm probably forgetting a few also...
I would like to see this story continue on and on and on, but I just don't have the time to devote to it anymore. Plus, I'm kinda out of plot ideas. Anyone want to pick it up from here? feel free to