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The Girl with Laughter in Her Eyes
by Anton M.
Chapter 2: Shut Up and Love Me
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A few of Edward's friends from Chicago called him, knowing but forgetting that Edward had left for New York, and he had to refuse their invitations to go to out in the evening. A few of his lab-mates also called him with specific questions about the project they'd taken over until Emmett's name flashed on his screen.
"Emmett, Jesus. Not you, too."
"Were you talking to Bella? You're both impossible to reach when you're on call with each other. I tried calling you, like, three times. So, how'd she do?"
Edward grinned in spite of himself. "10.67."
"Fuck, you are not serious. That's fucking insane."
"It is."
"Goddamn, I need to get my shit together. Remember when we were all scared shitless that she would never walk again? Fucking hell, she's headed for the world championships. Rose? Rose! You will never believe—"
"Say hi to Rose for me! I have to go." Edward saw Bella jogging towards him and cut off the call with a quick goodbye because he worried that Emmet and Rose would take the conversation to wedding preparations (and they usually did).
Bella had changed into white jeans, a yellow polka dot turtleneck, and purple suspenders with sparkles on them. Her hair was messy and wet from the shower, and her smile was unexpectedly shy. Bella had once said that half of her friends thought she was a style genius and the other half thought that she only ever got dressed in the dark. The truth, of course, was somewhere in between, but whatever she wore, she wore with confidence, and Edward loved her for it.
He stood up, holding out his hand to carry her backpack, and Bella blew a raspberry at him before she hugged him in laughter.
"You are not carrying my anything with the plans I have for you tonight," she said, raising her eyebrows in such a way that Edward had to hide his face in her neck.
"You can't say stuff like that," Edward replied. "We'll get arrested for indecent exposure."
"I'll show you indecent exposure," Bella whispered, guiding his hand under her turtleneck on her back. He met with no resistance. She wasn't wearing a bra.
"Fuck."
Eyes filled with mirth, Bella put both straps of her backpack on her shoulders before she wrapped her arm around his waist, and Edward, still dazed, kissed her temple.
"I'm sorry I took so long," Bella said. "I believe I'm starting to form a cult."
Edward laughed. "A cult?"
"A cult of runners," she replied, grinning and leaning closer. "I told them that my success lies in sitting on the rooftops of Queens at night, throwing SpongeBob SquarePants pillows in the overhead windows of the passing buses, eating cheese. Nobody believed me."
Edward laughed. God, he'd missed her. He could barely walk next to her without throwing away their bags and pressing her against the wall, so when they exited the stadium, that's exactly what he did. He slid both of his arms under her shirt, squeezing the dip of her waist and leaning his forehead against hers.
She pulled him closer by his belt buckle before surrounding his neck with her hands, and he closed his eyes, feeling her breath on his face. He put his hand behind her head to protect her from the wall before he pressed himself against her, kissing her. She nipped the edge of his lips, but he had no patience and covered her mouth with his, pulling her closer, feeling her breath and warmth. When he could no longer take it, he lifted her off the ground and she wrapped her legs around him. She smiled against his mouth which made kissing impossible.
"What?" he asked.
"You've been working out," she replied, squeezing his bicep, teasing.
The tips of his ears reddened, but he grinned. "You know, I have this girlfriend who is insanely fit. I couldn't possibly outrun her, but at least I can make sure she enjoys herself."
Bella gripped his hair in a way that drove him mad, and she kept her lips an inch from his mouth. "Is that right?"
It took all of his willpower not to tear off her clothes, and it was good that he resisted because the next moment, a man exited the stadium. Bella slid to the ground, and the man, noticing them, pointed finger guns at Bella, winking.
Bella returned the gesture, and when she invited the man over, Edward recognized him as the same one she'd hugged on the stadium.
"Edward, this is one of our decathlon stars and my flatmate Savannah's brother, Brenton. This is my boyfriend, Edward. He's a premed at the University of Chicago."
"Goddamn, what do they feed you in Seattle?"
"Fresh babies only, I'm afraid," Bella replied, grinning and turning to Edward. "Brenton is also headed for Columbia, but he'll have to sit out a year for a full scholarship."
Brenton put his arm on Edward's shoulder and lowered his head, attempting to be serious but stifling a smile. "Edward, my man, I have a secret to tell you about your girlfriend."
Edward's eyebrows shot up while Bella facepalmed. "Oh, God. Don't do this."
"It is time, my friend, to put a ring on that," Brenton continued, "—because she is one of the good ones, and you do not want her getting away. Prime example—"
"Why—"
"Prime example, a jackass from Le Moyne attempted to, mm, show his interest in your girlfriend two nights ago, and Bella, here, kicked him in the groin so hard that it is rumored to be the reason he skipped today's competition, so—"
"Please—"
"So you see, my man, we all pray for our fallen soldiers, but you have fallen, my friend, and there is no other way forward than to put a ring on it."
Edward, not knowing whether to laugh, desperately hoped that his face wasn't showing signs of intending to do exactly that. So, he grinned, and when Bella facepalmed, he raised his eyebrows and nodded at the man, hoping that that was clear enough.
Brenton patted his shoulder, pointed finger guns at them both, and turned around. Ten feet away, he turned around again.
"Good God, you guys will have a basketball team!"
Laughing, he left, leaving Bella to facepalm and Edward to smile into her hair. "I can see why you'd be friends with him."
Bella took her backpack. "I'm so sorry. Nothing happened and I was going to tell you, but we've been preparing for this event and —"
"Take a breath, baby," he replied. "It's okay. I'm sorry you have to deal with assholes like that, but I'm proud of you, and I trust you. Sounds like you can handle yourself."
He took his laptop bag and squeezed Bella closer to him as they walked to her old Accord. He hesitated. "I was… a bit jealous when I saw you together on the field."
Bella gaped. "You have nothing to worry about. You know that, right?"
He kissed her hair. "I know. I'm just putting it out there. I'm glad you're friends. He seems nice. It was just—" He took a breath and released it slowly. "This distance is killing me. I trust you. I really do. I think I just miss you like crazy and it's easy to let your imagination run wild."
"I know." Bella squeezed his side and kissed his shoulder. "I know. l miss you so much. I get it. It's rough sometimes."
They looked at each other. As always when they met after such a long time, both drunk each other in. It was a struggle to make it to their dorm or flat when they met, and they both had friends who'd taken offense at having plans cancelled (or no plans made at all) when the significant other showed up. But both also had friends who were experiencing a long distance relationship and went above and beyond to not contact them when they could finally see each other.
Sometimes, Edward hid the fact that he was in New York so that he could spend all his time with Bella without either of their family members knowing. It was rough, and maybe not always fair, but it was the only way they'd made it work.
Edward took her hand in his when she started the car. He enjoyed watching her, and when he started caressing her wrist, Bella glanced at him in the red light.
"Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you want to tear off my clothes."
He kissed her palm. "Even if it's the truth?"
"Like butter." She groaned and let out a laugh. "So, when in the world did you find the time to start working out again? Was it inspired by our first and last attempt at having sex against the wall?"
The tips of his ears reddened, and he slid his chair behind to have room for his knees. "Maybe."
Bella grinned, blushing, desperately needing a topic change before she pulled over and they injured themselves trying to have sex in the car.
Edward, apparently with the same thought, asked, "So why did they switch the events around? Are tomorrow's events all messed up as well?"
"No, tomorrow's fine. It was just some chemistry geniuses who poured a solution on the track at night. Don't remember what it was. They had to pressure wash it in the morning and wait for it to dry."
"What time do you have to be there?"
"08:45."
Edward knew that meant waking up at 06:30 at the latest, but he'd been expecting it and it was no different from his usual schedule.
"Will you join me tomorrow?" she asked.
"Of course. It might be your last decathlon, I wouldn't miss it for the world." He paused, tracing lines on her hand. He wanted to tell her exactly how proud of her he was, how impressed and awed. He never had the right words for getting to experience her little chant live. It amazed him every single time he saw it.
"Did you leave your phone on silent?"
"Oh, shit." She paused as the car came to a stop in the red light and pulled her jacket into his lap. "Can you check for me?"
She had hundreds if not thousands of notifications with new ones pouring in. Edward was so overwhelmed that he stared at the notification bar, not knowing where to start. She had too many messages from too many apps to choose from. He knew, of course, that his girlfriend was becoming more well-known among athletes and people interested in track and field, especially this year and especially now that her (expected) transfer to Columbia University had become public.
But to witness the insane screening his calls had to go through and to know that she always called him back, first — he felt important, suddenly, and so fucking lucky. Jesus, what would he do if she said no to his proposal and broke up with him? He was sure he wouldn't survive it.
"Check the calls," she said. "The rest can wait."
It was the usual suspects, her father, his mother, several from Emmett and a few from her local friends.
"I spoke to your dad, my mom and Emmett already," Edward said. "Your dad told me remind you to call him, but he's okay if you call him at the beginning of next week. I kind of… I told him to give us the weekend for ourselves."
His ears burned while Bella laughed. "Oh, well. I'm an adult. He'll deal." She squeezed his hand. "Thank you. Thank you for dealing with all of that. It's been a lot, lately."
Edward kissed her knuckles. "I know, baby. I know."
She paused, glancing at him, and he knew her question before it passed her lips.
"How long are you staying?"
It was the question they both hated, and they felt the weight of it.
Truthfully, he planned to stay until he figured out how to ask her to marry him, and then he planned to take off to Seattle with her and surprise her with the wedding, if she accepted him. He knew she had nearly a month free before her graduation, and they'd planned for Edward to spend it in New York, but he was supposed to arrive two weeks from now.
Then, after their wedding, they would come back to New York, hopefully together, and move in with each other. He'd start his internship and she'd start training at Columbia University. He couldn't wait.
But now, seeing the buzz around Bella, his nerves begun acting up. She was fantastic with an audience, he was not. She had always had the most creative, endearing gifts for him, and he always struggled to reciprocate. Even now, with his proposal — she deserved something incredible, and he had no clue what to do. Everything he'd googled was generic and boring. All the advice he'd received seemed sub-par.
He had asked her, twice, how she wanted to be proposed to, and she had not given him a real answer. The first time, he'd asked three years ago, and she had that wistful, self-deprecating look on her face when she told him that it might never happen for her. She believed it, too, and they'd had a fight about it.
The second time was eight months ago, her last visit to Chicago, and she was naked in his arms when he asked, and at least she had been receptive to the idea — but she said she didn't know.
She probably could've picked anyone, dated anyone, loved anyone. The confidence she had grown into made her extremely attractive, and she was almost always surrounded by people. The guy she'd kicked in the groin might've been the tip of the iceberg, and she'd never told Edward — or she'd remained oblivious.
"I was hoping to stay here until we go to Seattle together."
"You are not serious."
"Is that the new Swan catchphrase? You are not serious?"
"Maybe." She laughed. "But that's, like, in a month! Can you really stay that long without repercussions?"
"I've settled everything for the school year."
Bella looked at him, her eyes soft and torn. "I would love this, don't get me wrong, love-love it, but I don't want you to compromise your studies for a chance to spend time with me."
"I'm not compromising anything," Edward replied. "I can spend the night elsewhere if you find my presence too… distracting."
She raised her eyebrows and a smile tugged at her lips. "You are staying with me tonight."
"Isn't your coach afraid that spending a night with a boy will ruin your performance tomorrow?"
"Oh she can suck my dick," she said, crass in her wording, and Edward stifled his smile. Said by anyone else, it was a sentence too rude for a casual response, but it distanced Bella, she'd told him once, and he liked the sound of that. Saying it gave her a kind of power over what had happened to her.
"I thought you liked her."
"I do. But she can have these ancient views on things. And besides, it's not like I'd tell her."
"I think our show at the stadium might've given her an idea."
"Ah, shit. You're right. She didn't say anything before I left, though, and even if she had, it's not like I would've listened."
"Do you want to listen?"
"Absolutely not," she said, squeezing his hand, eyes scanning his body in a way that gave him goosebumps.
"I can be patient if you'd like," he said, grinning.
"I will skin you alive if you deny me sex tonight."
He laughed, kissed the top of her hand, and held her hand against his chest. "Death threats, I see."
"I'm sorry." She blushed at her own words. "It's just, it's been so long, and I have so much pent up— and I've missed you, and fuck, it's amazing that you're here. I still can't believe it."
"I know," he muttered, squeezing her hand. "I know."
She parked the car on the side of her apartment building in Hempstead. In the first year and a half after Edward had moved to Chicago, she'd lived in the dorm, but it was always a hassle to find a place to stay or to sneak him in (given all the rules about not having people of the opposite sex stay over). In the middle of her junior year, though, she and her friends found a relatively cheap three-room apartment together and life had been a lot simpler for them, since.
Bella gave Edward the keys to the flat as she sorted out the mail downstairs, and that's where her flatmate Savannah found her.
"Bella! Heard your time! Congrats, man. Amazing shit."
"Thanks!"
"Also saw your boyfriend's in town," she said, pointing finger guns at her as she passed. "Definitely approve. See you later!"
Edward had left the door ajar, and Bella shut it behind her.
"I didn't see Layla—"
"She's home in Indianapolis for two weeks."
Finally, they were alone. She dropped her backpack next to the door of her room and barely had time to throw her phone on her bed before Edward pressed her against the wall and surrounded her with his body. Bella gripped his hair. He pressed himself closer, slid his arm underneath her shirt, and breathed the air leaving her mouth as he ground himself against her.
"You don't know how long—"
"I do," he whispered against her ear. "Fuck, I do."
He slammed her door shut with his foot as they stumbled to her bedroom, and Bella made quick work of his belt buckle. He unclipped her suspenders. When she unzipped his jeans, she slid her hands on his butt and squeezed it.
"I love these jeans on you," she whispered, pushing them down. "Where'd you get them?"
"Tailored," he answered, detaching himself from her as he stepped out of them and tore off his shirt. A moment later, he pulled off her turtleneck and unzipped her jeans. "They don't make clothes for slim, 6'8'' men."
"Preaching to the choir," she whispered, gripping his hair as he kissed her breasts and slid his hand on her butt to take off her jeans. She took them off, and when she stood in her Bob's Burgers thong in front of him, he took one look at them and bit his lip as he smiled, eyes hooded and intense.
"Fuck, I missed you," he said as he pushed down her underwear. He slid his hands up and down her hips, enjoying the endless smooth skin. The moment he'd taken off his boxer briefs, she lifted herself into his arms. Edward had the mind to catch her only because she'd done it so many times.
He pressed her against the wall, skin against skin, holding her, sucking her lower lip and grinding himself against her. She closed her eyes, smiling. He gave her a hungry kiss, desperate, loving, needy, and when Bella lowered herself onto him, both let out a sharp breath. It was love and lust and home. He wanted to be in her, always. He relished her warmth, and carefully held her back as he thrust against her. Bella cupped his neck, and their lips touched as they gasped against each other. She squeezed his neck, pressing her cheek against his.
"Don't be so careful," she whispered. "I want you selfish."
"Your back—"
"—is fine. Take me like you mean it. Fuck me like I just made you angry and you want to shut me up with your cock."
"Jesus." He thrust harder, gasping against her neck, grazing her skin with his wet lips. "So hot."
She nipped his ear. "I want to be fucked against the wall," she whispered. "Be selfish. Fuck me like you're studying for an exam and all you can think about is putting your cock in my throat." She pressed a kiss just below his ear, pausing. "'cause I've done that."
"Fuck."
Edward, lost in her words, set a grueling pace, slow and strong. Bella shut her eyes and tugged at his hair. In a daze, he leaned his forehead against hers, nipping and sucking her lips, touching her tongue with his. He held his lips against hers, panting and lost in pleasure. When he sped up his pace, Bella squeezed his hips with her legs and gasped against his mouth.
"I love you," he whispered, not wanting the moment to end. "I love you. You're the hottest fucking girlfriend anyone's ever had." He squeezed her to him and hid his face in her neck as he came inside her. He felt hot and sweaty and his arms started giving out from holding her for so long, so he stumbled over to the single bed and sat down with her in his lap. The moment was too precious to end it.
"Thank you," she whispered, blushing in the darkness. "I love you."
They'd shared their fantasies a long time ago, and they both had relatively ordinary and harmless ones, but neither had expected having sex against the wall to be a strenuous exercise of stamina and core muscle strength.
"Fuck, thank you," he replied, squeezing her with his shaking arms, spent but happy. "Jesus, where did you come from? The things you say sometimes… I love it. You're amazing."
She grinned, ruffling his hair and taking his hand to kiss his palm.
"I'm sorry the position is so tough."
His laughter shook her chest, and he pressed his lips against the dip between her breasts. "You are not sorry."
"Maybe."
He reminded himself to keep going to the gym because Bella had built herself the stamina of a world-class athlete and he was just a regular bloke who had won the genetic lottery of height.
"So, awkward question incoming."
"Go ahead."
"Does it upset you that I tell you about having your cock in my mouth during sex but I might never do it?"
He wished that they'd turned on a light so that he could see her face, but he was not willing to remove his body from hers to do it.
So, he wiped hair from her forehead and touched his nose against hers.
"No," he said. "And, you should know that my reaction to your words is not proof of my ever expecting it. I think it is insanely hot that you can now fantasise about it and share those fantasies, and I might have a very physical reaction to your words, but that is a completely separate thing from expecting the event. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she replied, pulling his head closer to kiss him. "Thank you. You're the printer to my kitten, as always."
Edward smiled. "It's okay to have fantasies that turn you on without ever wanting to live the reality. That's just yours, and that's okay. You know that I like the idea of having public sex, but I would never want to actually do it. Everyone has these things. It's just that yours is, perhaps, a thing that is considered more common in a healthy relationship."
"Have you ever—"
"Don't even," Edward cut her off.
Bella, understanding his worry but wanting to have the conversation, put her thumb on his lips. "Let me say this."
He sighed but nodded.
"I am not determined to be upset or sad about your answer, okay? I only want to know. Have you ever fantasised about me giving you a blowjob?"
His cock stirred inside her, and she hugged his body as she laughed silently against his neck.
"Well, that's an honest answer if I've ever received one."
The smile was evident in her voice.
"Baby, I'm sorry," he whispered. "I swear there's no expectation. I promise. I have zero issues with our sex life. You're amazing, and we're insanely compatible, and I love you."
"I know," she replied, caressing his hair. "I am not upset. But, okay, another awkward question — will you feel that I am cruel with your fantasy if I, if I talk about mine to get you excited?"
"Definitely not," he said.
Bella whispered against his ear, and her words were so dirty and exciting that Edward hardened inside her and attached his lips against her breasts. The sounds they caused turned him on, and he pushed her against the bed as he, this time, took his time pleasuring her. She felt incredible in his arms. He'd missed her beyond what he could express, and he'd spent the last eight months thinking of having her in his arms, just like this, twitching and gasping and pulling his hair, biting his lip and looking at him like he was the most important thing in the world. If he could, he would spend the whole night and a lifetime worth of nights, just like this.
When Bella was finished twitching in his arms in response to the things he could do with his tongue, he climbed beside her, pulled the covers over them from the side, and surrounded her body with his arm.
"I can't believe you're mine," Bella whispered, kissing his knuckles. Her voice was sleepy and happy.
"You're so backwards," Edward replied. "I can't believe you're mine. You're developing, like, a fan club. I have to go through a screening process to even get to call you."
"Hey, that's not true," she argued. "I never screen your calls. Even on Do Not Disturb mode, your number is the only one allowed through."
If her words were an attempt to reassure him, they failed miserably. For Edward, her words were proof of how lucky he was to be the only person who could always reach her.
"I love you," she said before she stirred in his arms and shifted away.
"Don't go."
"I have to pee. If I get a UTI before tomorrow, my coach will have a word with you."
"Fuck, you're right. Go. And drink lots of water."
Bella kissed his temple and put on the little salt lamp she'd received from someone who'd moved out of the building a few months ago. She left to have a shower and warm up the leftovers of the pasta she'd made yesterday.
Edward awoke to a soft glow in the bedroom and a delicious smell. Bella sat on the chair, arms wrapped around her knees as she replied to messages on her phone and ate.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep," he said, yawning and sliding his feet on the floor. "Can I use your towel?"
Bella pointed at the giant Mrs. Doubtfire hanging on top of her door, and he laughed as he pulled it down. He kissed her cheek before heading for shower.
When he returned, he found the sweatpants she'd kept for him, and pulled on one of his T-shirts that she usually slept in. Edward piled more pasta on top of her plate, microwaved it, and sat on her chair before pulling her to sit sideways in his lap.
They looked at each other, neither ready to have a conversation of any depth, and Edward kissed her temple before he opened a document to outline the last essay he had to write. Bella nestled her head under his chin as she continued replying to messages. Edward surrounded her waist with his arm, and together, in blissful, boring silence, they attended to the routine tasks of the day.
"I need to automate this shit," Bella said, rubbing his neck with the side of her head.
"What?"
"Messages. I'm so happy everyone cares, but I don't have time to reply to everyone."
"Then don't."
"That's rude."
Edward stifled his smile against her hair. "Aw, my poor girlfriend, too popular for her own good. Such hardships you suffer."
Bella smacked his shoulder but laughed. She stood up before straddling his lap and setting her phone on the table. Resting her chin on his shoulder, she started to massage the back of his head with her fingers. Edward shut his eyes and groaned.
"I love that."
Bella blew warm air against his neck, peppering kisses every once in a while as she continued rubbing the back of his head. Edward barely had the presence of mind to finish writing the Instagram story for her, but he did, and when he showed her his phone, he'd tagged her on a photo of her celebrating her run with a short, sweet caption about his girlfriend being overwhelmed with too many messages to be able to spend sufficient time on them all.
Bella threw away the phone from his hands before hugging him violently.
"Baby?"
"You're perfect." Her lips grazed his skin as she spoke.
"I'm not perfect."
"Shut up and love me."
She begun massaging his scalp again, and Edward smacked his laptop closed. They should've known better by now than to even attempt to attend to tasks that didn't involve touching each other. Bella kissed his neck, tugging at his hair and rubbing his skin, and he slid his arms under her bathrobe, squeezing her sides and pressing her down against him. Bella gave him a lazy smile but she had a twinkle in her eyes as she pressed herself closer to where he most wanted her.
"Baby," he whispered against her ear. "You need to sleep."
"It's not even eight o'clock," she replied. "Sleep later. Lovely, delicious boyfriend in my arms now."
There was not a universe in which he could've refused her, and he lifted his hips when she tugged at his sweatpants. She parted her bathrobe, settling herself on top of him.
"Aren't guys supposed to get tired after a few times?" Her smile was teasing as she rubbed herself against him.
"They do." Edward groaned. "But not the ones who haven't felt their girlfriend's touch in eight months." He stood up with her legs around his hips and set them on the bed. Parting her bathrobe, he lowered his body against hers. "Eight months." He dipped his nose in the crook of her neck, sliding his hand to where she needed him most, and enjoyed her soft gasp against his ear. "I could go a year on that pent up energy alone."
He enjoyed the sparkle in her eyes before she closed them in response to his fingers, but her smile remained. "Is that so?"
He hummed against her skin, and it was another hour later before they had a shower together and brushed their teeth. With lazy, satiated smiles, they cuddled in the small much-too-short single bed, where Edward pulled her naked body against him and wrapped her in his arms and legs. Her head rested on his bicep, and his lips brushed against her forehead.
"It's so hard to imagine that we'll ever get it out of our system," Bella said, drawing patterns on the forearm that so securely held her in place. She felt safe and loved.
"I know," he replied. "Eventually, we will, but… Jesus. Three years like this. I can't believe we've survived three years like this."
"I didn't know you were cheating on me with Jesus."
Edward shook against her side, hiding his grin in her hair. "I love you," he whispered.
They both listened to running footsteps passing by in the corridor, and it felt surreal that, somewhere out there, people were living lives without the kind of endless yearning that they went through until they could meet again.
"I like your new Gaspard Ulliel in The Princess of Montpensier look."
"I think I understood half of those words."
Bella laughed, straightening the tips of Edward's hair between her fingers. It reached half of his nose. "Nice hair."
He smiled. "Had no time to cut it and then forgot. You like it?"
"It's hot," she replied. "Suits you."
Edward snapped his head to the side, exaggerating the movement, and looked at her through the strands on his face, grinning. Bella wiped it back, smiling back at him before she kissed his nose and settled her head on his shoulder. Edward kissed her hair.
"It's getting a bit annoying, though," he said. "I might have to borrow some of your hair gel."
"Me and my seventeen alter egos all agree that you should do that."
Smiling, Edward sniffed her hair.
"So how have you been?" he asked, and they both grinned at the absurd question. They'd spent more than four hours together by now, and yet, inevitably, on the first day or night they got together again, it took them hours to get to the point where they could discuss anything. They were too needy, too desperate, too full of desire and yearning to touch and be touched.
"Like a tiny drone thrown off the Empire State Building," Bella answered. "I have aim, I think, but the wind might change."
Edward, who was now used to her oddball comparisons, asked, "What happened?"
"A guy from Stanford was in the audience today and offered me a place in their team. He's pretty late, I think, to do that. He said they'd wanted to see me compete before they could offer me a spot, but I don't know."
Edward's heart beat faster. If he had finally gotten a transfer accepted to a university in New York to surprise Bella to live here with her and she left to continue her graduate degree on another coast from him in some fancy college, he might've not survived it.
It was beyond surreal to him that in her world, discussing Ivy League universities had become an almost normal discussion. These universities had, first and foremost, been defined by their athletics before their social and academic prestige, and Bella's world-class running and a solid (although not perfect) 3.5 GPA had garnered plenty of interest on that front.
He would have a hard time being impartial in supporting her and considering what was best for her if all he wanted was to finally build a life together with her, and she moved across the country.
Taking his time, he cleared his throat. "I thought you'd finished your paperwork for Columbia."
"I did, but I could technically still change my mind before my graduation since that's the last qualifier for the transfer."
"Do you want to?"
She paused. "I don't think so, but… I wanted to ask you. You've always been so supportive."
Edward did not feel supportive. Selfishly, he wanted her to only consider the places where he would be. Three years of long-distance had been torturous enough, if he had to go through another year or two or five, he did not think he could take it. He would have to be the one who made this sacrifice because her future shone so much brighter than his, and he never wanted her to feel held down by him or his choices, but they were not kids anymore. At some point, at one point, they'd have to compromise, and he wasn't sure she'd be ready for that.
"So what do you think?"
What was he supposed to think? Stanford sounds nice, brilliant, fantastic academic and athletic prestige, a weather upgrade compared to New York, and also, 3,000 fucking excruciating miles away on another coast from NYU.
Should he tell her about his transfer now? It would influence her decision, but would it influence her decision for the right reasons?
Was he even right to ask her to marry him at this point in her life? God, he might've been a rock tying her down when she was just learning to fly, and the possibility scared him.
"You're awfully quiet."
"I'm just thinking." He scooted a little closer to see her face. "We promised we'd always give our honest opinion, but I'd like to take a rain check on this conversation until tomorrow evening. I'd like to show you something. Does that sound fair?"
"Sounds fair." She hesitated. "Is this a conversation I should be scared of?"
"Not at all."
He pressed little kisses on her lips and her eyes until he could see her smile in the glow of her salt lamp.
He had told her, once, that reassuring was not his favorite thing to do, and it was still true, but surviving a long-distance relationship the way they had relied on reassurances more than he'd expected. If either of them felt insecure in their relationship or the company they kept, how they spent their time or how they felt about each other, reassuring the other of their continued trust and love was the only way to move forward. Knowledge of their love didn't stop them from needing to hear it just like knowledge of their trust didn't stop them from needing reassurances.
Edward shifted to squeeze her closer a moment before he realized that, for her second day of competing, she might need better sleep than she could get sharing her single bed with him.
"I can sleep on the couch."
"No." Bella squeezed his back and hid her face in his neck. "I want you here."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Don't you dare move. I always sleep better with you here."
Edward put his bent leg over hers, wrapped her up in his arms and ran his fingers through her hair until he felt her breathing even out. He was too tired to get up and switch off her lamp but not tired enough to drift off, and he thought she'd fallen asleep when she pressed her lips against his collarbone and whispered, "I want you forever."
It was such a precious moment of vulnerability that Edward almost crushed her against his chest, but instead, he smiled against her hair and squeezed her closer to him. She might not have expressed this to his face in daylight, but her words allowed him to hope that he understood her better than he feared.
He pressed his lips against her temple before they both fell asleep.
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