Author's Notes:
I like to alert any new readers or those that simply have forgotten with time, that this is a 4th installment to a series of stories ("Sleep" "Nightmares" "Illusions" In that order) and it would be REALLY confusing if you A) haven't read the last installments lately, or B) haven't read them at all. And if you decide to re-read the first three than I'll say it here that I apologize for any type of grammar errors . I'm -for the most part- a beta-less writer and that makes writing a very messy event. I do plan on revising and editing the first three installments and making them all pretty since FF apparently enjoys butchering my text lay-out. I did pay particular attention to this chapter. I'm trying to be better with errors. I've also came back and re-edited this for you guys. Hope there is an improvement,
DISCLAIMER: WEREPIRE HOMOEROTICA. DON'T LIKE. KINDLY ESCORT YOUR BUM OUT.
This chapter's lyrical collaboration is Bent by Matchbox Twenty.
I own only an odd and twisted mind, but not the characters for which I depict in this fictional story. All rights to SM
Awake
Chapter One: Monsters Revisited
If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk
Jacob
I made a monster out of myself.
And who did I have to thank?
But it really didn't matter. I was there, over him, reliving a memory that haunted me like a fucking ghost. No matter how complete, fucking blissful I felt with him in my arms, the truth was still between us now revealed. The betrayal and fury I saw his eyes hurt just as much as going days without him. I'd die to right everything, for him not to hurt again.
My mouth couldn't open to speak, but my mind sped through a lifetime of thoughts.
This is what I've been hiding. I couldn't hurt you. I can't hurt you. I'm sorry.
I pulled away from him, sitting on my heels. My cock softening in its post release state, unaware of the mistake I just made.
I couldn't stand it. What I was doing to him.
Kill me.
Edward
If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again
It was a pain I never felt before. I was on the precipice of insanity, my will crumbling with each bombarding image. Crimson eyes, bright with glee, Jacob's reverberating screams. He replayed every thought and my insides ached.
There was so much to take in.
He'll never want me.
I'm a monster.
I need him.
I can't live if he knows.
He'll leave me.
My Everything. My reason for being. I hurt for him, not for myself. There was nothing that'd make me leave him except his wish for me to do so. The conversation with Sam overlapped the violent memories. Words exchanged in Sam's attempt at comfort.
"What if I did betray him?"
The week of holding back, building up the wall to keep me out, crashed and crumbled and the memories flew at me with such momentum. The howls of his pain, the sleepless nights, the lost moments staring at the sea contemplating taking his life. Just when I'd thought I'd reached the edge, I heard his plea, his words to me:
I'm sorry. Kill me.
A choked, pained sob escaped my throat as I came back to the present, seeing his defeated form in the moonlight. I wanted to scream, to rampage. I felt the burn to kill, to make something suffer as he had. He didn't deserve this. And he wouldn't suffer it in vain.
He didn't understand it then, but our lives were interconnected. His joy was mine, his pain was my own as well. And when he suffered, I died all over again. I sat up, swiftly and quick enough for him not to notice. He expected anger, but there was nothing in me that could direct this deep hatred toward him. It wasn't his fault. It was theirs, it was his.
"Look at me." The raw pain in my voice was so mortal and...alive. Couldn't he see that he did this to me? That the pain was so tangible, I could feel the waves of it off of his body? I was in touch with him and he was every part of me. Why couldn't he see this? My throat burned at the mere thought of ending his life. It was such a silly, foolish thing for him to consider.
Inside I wailed in agony, my gut twisted in pain of knowing what he had been through. James wanted to destroy him, to abolish what we were.
"Look at me, Jacob," I tried again. His eyes were downcast, trails of liquid collecting at the end of his chin. I lifted a thumb, swiping away the drops before they fell, and with a need to console him, leaned my upper torso forward, kissing each trail on his cheeks, "please." He met my eyes, fear evident in the brown irises.
I cupped his warm skin, bathing in the tingle that shot through my body, "You almost killed yourself to keep this from me?" The pain was there, I knew he could hear it. Without speaking a word, his brows furrowed and as if undergoing physical pain, he choked out a howl, wetting the lashes around his eyes as he sobbed helplessly. Not hesitating, I held him to me with one arm secured around his trim waist and a hand fisting his shoulder length locks, pulling his heated body against mine as he unleashed a week's worth of tears.
I rocked him against me, feeling a release so much different from the one we shared moments before. The shaking of his shoulders, the way his nails dug into my back as he finally let go and let me in, hurt too much to witness. If there were tears I could cry, surely they would have been pattering against his heated skin, perhaps even sizzling at the contact. I whispered words into his ear, promising forever with him, assuring him there was nothing to worry about. I wanted to believe this myself, but I couldn't. Everything wasn't okay now. It would take time for me to hold him and for just me to be the one he thinks of intimately. I knew he hated himself for something a monster did to him and he wanted those nights erased from his mind, bleached with the presence of our bond, but it was a skill I lacked.
His body went slack against me after a handful of hours of his emotional breakdown. He was still awake, but all bits of him - mind, emotion and body - were drained. I used that moment to hold him to me like a child or a newly wed bride. No words were exchanged, as I once again carried him home in my arms.
Jacob
We were both naked, trees whipping by, a chilling wind feeling good on my overheated skin. I had only broken down like this once. It was our first reunion after I escaped La Push, hoping for the leeches to follow me. It felt like a lifetime ago, but it was no different from now. I stupidly ran away, only to end up in his arms, crying like a baby. And considering the circumstances changed, I didn't. I still feared a life without him. The thought had me nuzzling my nose against the column of his neck, inhaling that awfully sweet smell. He had to come to his senses. There was no way he could easily accept this. I saw that anger, that look that mirrored James when before he would break me in. Edward had to feel what I've done.
"You've done nothing wrong, love." His voice was soothing as he held me close to him. His speed didn't slow as he spoke, "I apologize deeply that you saw me like that. I was...taking it all in."
Maybe a bit of him slipped. Maybe he was holding back. He couldn't still want me after this.
"I want you always."
My hand tightened around his shoulder, "How could you?"
"Because I've loved you since the moment I saw you."
But James...
The chill that ran through me when Edward froze was overwhelming. There was a feral growl in his chest, a beast-like muted roar. I trembled, anticipating Edward's arms to move from under me, or for him to sink his teeth into my flesh, sucking the life out of my body. If there was any way to go, I would I have preferred that. I could make up what I had done by giving him a bit of life...
"Please," There was that tone I heard earlier. It was so vulnerable, so human, "Don't think that." He picked up his speed again. We were about a mile away from the Cullen Residence. I could make out the faint noise of a television, some mild conversation and clinking of metal. Everyone was home.
Pressing his lips against the pulse of my neck, Edward ran faster. The noises grew louder. There was the hushed whisper of Alice, a gleeful laugh, "They're here," Before the insides of the large house flew by me in a blur. Before I knew it, I felt the soft mattress of the bed under my back.
Despite my mental condition, I wondered if we were both seen in our nude state. I was rewarded with a small smile from Edward, "Alice covered her eyes and everyone else was in the living room." His outstretched hands pulled from under me, allowing my body to fully fall onto the bed before he backed away as if he was leaving the room.
It was like a stabbing sensation in my gut, "No, Edward!" My throat was still tight and raw from all the crying I done. I held an arm out to him in some odd attempt to keep him in the room. He stopped moving instantly. Don't leave. I pleaded.
"I'm not." He whispered, turning, this time using inhuman speed to close the door and come back to the bed. I allowed my body to relax, facing him as he climbed in. Our noses were but an inch from the other. He held my closed fist in one hand while petting my hair, raking it away from my eyes. Tremors took over me as it sunk it that this just might be it. He wasn't angry with me. He didn't resent me.
"I don't." He confirmed, "Ever." His lips felt softer than anything against mine. He pulled back to have full eye contact with me, "He marked you." It was a whisper, but it felt like a deafening roar. Instinctively, I tightened my thighs together, drawing my knees up. He noticed the movement and sighed in what appeared to be despair.
My eyes burned at the thought of not being claimed by him anymore, being claimed by... "A-am I still yours?"
His gaze met mine, and the rope that held me to him, tightened and became as it was; strong and unbreakable, "Always." His cool fingers trailed along my jaw, sliding down the line of my neck, over my shoulders and down my arms. He pulled away from me, but his fingers continued to run down, leaving icy trails in its wake. I gasped, understanding just where they were going.
"No, Edward." I shut my eyes, fending off the images of James sinking his teeth into my flesh.
Edward let out a harsh gasp of his own, stilling his hand for just a moment, "Let me see, love. Please."
I still felt his power over me. Could he still own me, even if I was broken? I obliged, lifting my leg, letting him touch the cool scar just on the inside of my thigh. I opened my eyes, catching the clench in his jaw, the way his eyes darkened in predatory hunger. Knowing I was watching him, he spoke, "Every part of you belongs to me." An unexpected rush of pleasure ran through me, causing an involuntary shudder to rumble my quivering body. Just then, Edward ducked his head. I whimpered, feeling his lips against my navel, before traveling to my hips, bypassing my cock which had responded to his touch instantly. I fisted his hair, unsure of what he had in mind.
"He tasted you." His voice was clouded with a primal fury...and if I was mistaken, desire. I threw my head back, unable to contain the moan when his teeth bit into the mark. The burn was dulled and throbbing along with my pulse. And still, my cock grew at an exponential rate. It was confusing to say the least. How was I getting off on this?
I couldn't help how my hips moved and bucked against the strands of his hair. The burnt red locks tickled along the underside of my sensitive organ as I attempted to muffle a groan with a hand over my mouth. His teeth were still clamped in my flesh, causing my eyes to roll back, but not as how I remember before. This was...pleasure.
"Oh God, Edward!" I yelped out, thrusting upwards into his wild hair. It was overwhelming. I didn't feel this when James bit me and I certainly didn't feel it the night I begged Edward to lose control. What the hell was this? Did something twist and warp in me after being locked up in that moldy building with James? Or was this proof to how desperate I was to be owned by my imprint? The wolf in me howled with submission and need, yet I wasn't sure why this turned me on just as much as feeling him inside me. It was primal and...
So fucking good.
"More." I heard myself moan, working my hips up as he pulled away to lap at my scar before taking another bite.
I want all of you...need you so much.
I was lost in a trip, I could only compare to when the venom had first took over me. His mouth was on mine. I hadn't heard his voice. I couldn't have.
The tightening in my groin began and I lost control, unleashing a loud moan when a muffled, hungry growl rumbled from his chest.
"Edward!" I cried out just as my chest was coated in spurts of warmth.
My Everything...
In my haze, I couldn't decipher whether he spoke or if my mind was playing back to hours before. It didn't matter. He was here with me. I felt the sting of air against my open wound as Edward moved up along my torso, lapping up my release as if it was his true sustenance. I whined, denied his lips for too long. My fingers, still tight around his locks, pulled him so our eyes were level. I gasped in the dark room, seeing a shimmer of gold and forest green swirls in his eyes. He didn't let me observe very long. His lips met mine as he eagerly shared my life force and desire with me. We were lost in each other, holding and gripping as if the world was ending and these were our last moments.
I felt complete again.
Edward
"But you just got him."
"I know."
"You can't leave him."
"I'm not."
"He needs you."
"And this why I have to do this."
Alice glared at me. I knew she would be against this, merely because she could see what would happen if I went alone.
Carlisle sat to my right, offering his touch in comfort, "Son, are you sure about this?" It was what everyone was thinking. As we sat in the family room, each of us making sure Jacob remained asleep, we spoke in hushed voices. I had explained James abuse to Jacob and was surprised and yet proud to hear the hateful thoughts the members of my family had. None of them appreciated the news.
"I'm coming with you." Emmett offered. It was what I expected to change the outcome of Alice's vision. And I was right. With him at my side, there was a vast difference.
"Emmett, we haven't decided yet." Carlisle spoke up as Rosalie threw a particularly harsh glare his way.
"This fucker deserves to have his dick chopped off and stuffed in his ass. And I'm down to assist," He nodded his head my way, "When do we do this?" The love I had for my brother couldn't have been more right then.
"And what if he has that freak with him?" Rosalie asked.
I had already thought about it, "I don't think that'll be a problem." I informed, looking to Alice who by now seemed put off by my hasty need for action, "It's simple. He can be seen now by Alice. She couldn't see him before."
"I guess that can only mean he's not with her anymore." Esme spoke softly. Ironically enough, she sided with me. Jacob's well-being was her priority and she wanted all ties to his arm eradicated. It was perhaps the first time I caught a violent thought speed through her mind.
The discussion carried on more than I would have liked it to. The question was where were we supposed to look and when and if he was found, what was I to do with James? Question him or go for the kill? All the queries only made my need for a kill greater. Sensing my violent desires, Jasper frowned, honing in a bit too close for my comfort.
Cut it out! I thought viciously, surprised when I saw his eyebrows shoot up. He must've sensed my frustration.
Positioning myself at the end of the sofa, I stared at my alabaster skin, life void under the pale organ. No running blood, just venom and old bones. I was just as he was in molecular make-up and existence, yet the way Jacob reacted to either of us was so...different. When I touched him, I could feel his heart stutter, see just how his pupils dilated. He looked at peace when I held him. But at the thought of James, he stilled, his mind a numbing hum of fear. Jacob was completely wrong. There wasn't a trace of a monster in him. We were the monsters, through and through. My thirst for kill never dies. The burn in my throat will always remain. But the difference between me and James were quite simple. I had Jacob. And with him, a trace of humanity can be found in me.
No matter what we talked over, the choice was left up to me. James would die by my hands. I didn't need answers; I didn't want a clear concise strategy. I just needed him to not exist.
"Do you mind...?" Jasper spoke up, "Do you mind if I came along again?"
There was silence in the room, before all eyes turned to either of us. He was on to me. Whatever spiral I was undergoing, I'm sure he'd provide as a leash, keeping me tethered to the realm of sanity. Somehow, despite it all, I successfully had not lost myself quite yet. But I wanted to, terribly so.
No matter his suspicions. I figured I just may need him.
"Sure, Jasper."
At this, Alice's brow furrowed as she witnessed the exchange. She focused for a brief moment and in her mind's eye, I could see the three of us, back at where I found Jacob.
"You're going to retrace your steps then?" She asked, "And you think you'll find him?"
"I do." I nodded. There was a fog over her vision, "Do you not see him?"
"His choices are unclear." She shook her head, "He may be there, and he may not."
Something suddenly struck me then, "And what about those visions before?" At that, everyone's attention piqued.
Alice's expressions turned sullen as she relayed her visions to those that didn't know, "It seems that whatever agenda this girl has, it's enough to alert the higher ups." At this, Carlisle was at his feet, a new look of business crossing over his features.
"This is not good news." He shook his head, "Why weren't we told this earlier?" He glanced at me, already catching the look that crossed my face.
"Jacob was my only priority then." I informed.
Rosalie snorted, "Jacob was your priority? We're as good as dead if any of them step foot here and Jacob, your beloved dog gets priority over all of us."
"Babe," Emmett shook his head, silently willing her to not exacerbate the situation, "It's done."
"It's not Edward's fault." Alice spoke up, "I'm the one that saw this. I should have said something earlier, but with what's been going on..." She didn't need to finish. Something in me constricted and burned at the thought of her endless worry. She was concerned for my life, because I was without him for those days.
In the end, it really was my fault.
Catching this, Rosalie glared my way, "Ever since he stepped foot into this house..." She muttered darkly, "Ironic. Those mongrels are so afraid of us, that they had no idea that the trouble had been in their midst all along." At her words, I stood up. Expecting an out lash, both Jasper and Emmett stood as well, separating us with their bodies. But her words were not even a sore mark on my mind. Something she had said had me thinking...
I turned away from Rosalie, stepping out of the family room and outside where I knew I'd get some privacy.
I needed to call Sam.
Jacob
The bed somehow felt colder without his presence. I turned over on my side, groaning when my outstretched hand met nothing but blanket and pillow. Curling my body in a fetal position, I attempted to go back to sleep, but it was damn there impossible. Where was he? My hands still searched, until I was sure I was alone. I rolled onto my back, eyes blinking open. How long had I been sleeping? Did he leave to feed, hoping I wouldn't miss him when he was gone?
I attempted to think back to just how I fell asleep. The last day was a blur of emotional and mental stress. The last I could recall was Edward...
I raised myself on my elbows, kicking the thin sheet off my legs, trying to see the evidence of my memories. My heart hammered and jumped in my chest when my eyes landed on my thigh. I bowed my leg to get a better view and felt my breath catch. The mark, a harsh raised scar I resented as much as myself not days before, was now...an oblong shimmer of skin, shades lighter than my own. It was almost a painted design on my soft flesh with the slightest impressions of teeth indentions. I ghosted a hand over it, catching the difference in temperature. But the texture was rough and almost rock-like. As if I was touching a piece of Edward's skin. I played back the episode of the odd scar's origins, feeling my cock lengthen along my upper thigh. There was always something enticing about that unrestrained want Edward had for me. It did more than just turn me on, knowing that the hunger in his eyes was for my flesh and...soul. It was a different yearning, almost a mortal need for air in the way he stared at me. And seeing him sink his teeth into my flesh, staring up at me with those swirling colors of gold and green was all I needed to know I was his.
Edward...
My head fell back, landing on the cushion of the pillow under me as images of him took over. I needed him.
"I'm here." I heard him whisper. The bed barely sunk under his weight. One hand, palm up, pressed against my back as he directed my torso toward him until my head was resting on his chest.
"How long was I asleep?" I questioned, feeling my eyes droop at his touch.
"About 5 hours." He whispered against the crown of my head.
"Where were you?"
"Downstairs," His hand cupped my neck and he continued a soft stroke with his fingers, "Sorry I didn't come up sooner. I was on the phone."
I wanted to ask with who, but his fingers felt too heavenly lulling me back to sleep.
"Relax, my love." He cooed, "I'll be here when you wake up." My whole being submitted to his words. I allowed my eyes to close, just as he whispered the last words, I was able to hear, "My existence means nothing without you."
A hazy movie played behind my eyelids. A loving gaze, eyes green and gold against long lashes and ivory skin. Teeth sinking into easily lacerated flesh.
Edward
An hour's time and I still felt him in my arms.
Paying no mind to my company, I retraced my steps, following the trail I traveled a week before. It was a journey I would never forget. Holding him, feeling his erratic breath against my shoulder was heaven sent as well as my worst nightmare. The bruises on his flawless skin broke my heart and that fear in him was so palpable. It was what kept him from being under Carlisle's care. It was left up to me to view for any broken or fractured bones. But even then, it was difficult.
As strong as he was physically, he still was as fragile as a human in every other capacity. He needed time to heal from his past, to overcome the demon that tormented his dreams. And it was my job to eradicate any chances of that said demon coming to harm him once again.
We were close. Keeping our senses on guard, all three of us slowed our advances in case anything was waiting for us the last 2 miles ahead. In this speed, Jasper kept to my side as Emmett kept to the rear.
"I heard you." Jasper spoke, keeping pace with me.
I winced. There was no privacy in our home and I'm sure my audience found what I had done quite disturbing. It was hard to translate just what we were feeling then, why the act was so necessary. Claiming my mark over the first was more than just a territorial statement, it was an assurance to him that he was completely and wholly my own. "I apologize. Sometimes being with Jacob is unpredictable."
Jasper was silent for a moment, his thoughts taking a rather abashed turn, "I was speaking of your thoughts, Edward." He spoke in a silent hush as if not wanting to arouse Emmett's attention.
My train in thought thrown off, I chanced a glance at Jasper, surprised to see liquid gold glancing into my own, "My thoughts?"
"I can't be sure, but I heard you speak, yet your mouth did not move."
"How is that possible?"
It was still an oddity to see Jasper smile, "Perhaps I'm just mad ?"
"With what has been happening lately, I'm not certain you'd just be the one going insane." Not while I was.
We were silent for the last leg of our travels and I was left to ponder just what was happening. The harder I thought, the more my mind circled back to the night of finding Jacob.
"Go West"
It still was an unnerving question in my mind. They allowed him to be found and apparently discontinued ties with James. So was the purpose of James to cripple me or to just let us know the capabilities they possessed? And certainly, if they let Jacob go and directed me to where I could find him, then they had an idea I'd be back for a kill. And if this is what they knew, then naturally they concluded I'd once again leave Jacob out of my care.
But not without supervision.
Jacob
I felt it again -the absence of him.
This time I sat up, searching the room. It was dark again. I could hear the hum of a television, voices talking and the occasional click of heels or paper rustling.
And I heard the heavy paws on earth.
And him breathing.
I looked over my shoulder, not surprised, but pretty confused that he was here.
"Edward called me." He seemed to read the look on my face.
"Where did he go?"
"He didn't say," He spoke slowly as if watching his words, "He doesn't want to make the same mistake again."
I considered his answer, swallowing what he was saying. Either Edward was going to feed, or perhaps... I shook my head, but my heart raced anyway. He didn't want me left in just the care of his family, but mine as well.
"You're watching me here?" I questioned.
"No." He said simply, "We're taking you home."
"Why?"
"Because no vampire has touched that territory without us knowing so," He informed, "And we know the land better."
"And he told you to do this."
"He did."
"Sam..."
"Look, Jacob, this situation is troubling for me as well. I'm only taking his commands because I know if I wanted this to be done for Emily, I'd be thankful for the support. "Not paying any mind to my naked body, Sam walked pass where I sat on the bed, towards the window as if making sure everything was clear.
"This is ridiculous." I commented. I was feeling the weight of Edward's decision and the possibilities of our future. It was a tough week to say the least and I needed him more than ever, but there was no reason to get the pack involved in this. They were already involved enough.
"I owe him my life, Jacob." Sam spoke with his back to me, "We all do."
"Shouldn't you be saying that to me?" It was my first attempt at a joke since...
No matter. I still felt too hallow to laugh anyway.
"I am," Sam's lips curled up briefly, "Afterall, he is you." If I hadn't been watching him carefully, I would have been thrown off by his words. But the soft expression and knowing glance my way was enough to let me know this was 'Imprint Speak'. And I understood that language well. A little too well.
"I spoke to Dr. Cullen briefly. He knows where you'll be. With a simple movement of his wrist, he opened the window leading outside and looked over at me, "I just want to warn you, Jacob. Your patience might be tested. We're not letting you out of our sight until he comes back."
Even with the ache of his absence, the comfort of company from the pack softened the blow, "Fantastic."
Grinning at my sarcasm, Sam jumped out first. I followed, letting the night swallow me.
Edward
I didn't remember the small shack, yet it was but a mile away from where I held Jacob to me, in the direction I traveled to get to him. The empty, boarded windows let out just a chink of sunlight from the other end of the forest. The house was barren, but the familiar, repulsive scent was there. He was inside. Emmett advanced on my right, keeping his eyes trained on the windows above, where we knew he waited.
What's the plan? Take him where he stands or hear the pig squeal for a while?
"His intent is not to speak."
"I figured." A low growl grew in Emmett's chest as he jaw locked in concentration, "Fucker likes pain. I'll be more than happy to give it to him."
Silently, Jasper kept a trained eye before nodding his head my way. We took our first steps toward the vacant, decaying building and just then my feet hung in the air. An image of Jacob stared back at me, contempt and pain in his eyes.
"I want you, James." His flushed, tanned skin was still unmarred as his eyes flared with anger. This wasn't a fantasy, this was a memory. It was so fresh and real, as if preserved just for my viewing.
"What else do you want?" The familiar voice asked calmly. It was laced with venomous glee. He enjoyed this.
"For you to," Hesitating, Jacob closed his eyes, as if willing pain away. A pale hand, much like my own, wrapped around his delicate neck.
I could feel my body roaring with fury.
"Look at me." The voice ordered. His brown, soulful eyes stared back at him, void of love or the affection I knew would always be reserved for me.
"For you to fuck me." My love, my life spoke, his voice shaky and aggrieved.
A crippling blow like none I ever felt before had me doubling over. This was pain. This was hell. The onslaught of images took away every thread of sanity I had left as I buckled to my knees.
"Jacob, God!" I cried out, seeing the hands dig into the human flesh, bruising him, breaking him. The screams, they were...
An agonized cry was torn from my chest as I crumbled to the earth.
Jacob
My home looked different from this side of despair. It was more a cage before, something keeping me away from him. A cage with its fucking gate opened. One step out and my world would end, so I remained where I was.
Now, it was just a place that I once called a home; my home before him. There was no sign of a cage, even with the entire pack circling the house. My father greeted me at the door, relief coloring his face. It seemed these days it was Charlie keeping him company for a offspring's absence. I hated that I did this to him, to the entire pack. I wanted to blame myself, but it didn't matter. Things changed. I could tell by the way my father asked me about Edward's whereabouts, as if expecting him to be right behind me when I stepped into the house.
He should have been.
I spent the evening in the confined space with my dad and Sam, eating pizza. And for the first time in weeks, I was smiling genuinely over the irony . Sam's distraction as I nearly lost control, offering pizza to keep me from phasing in the house. It felt like forever ago. The reality was it hadn't even been a year.
Later, in my room, I sat looking out the darkening sky, wondering where he could be and why he would leave me after that happened in such a short time. The ache in my body was already gaining momentum, causing my throat to tighten and burn and my limbs to twitch in the anxious need to phase and find him.
He said he would be there when I woke up.
I shut my eyes fending off the fear of losing him again. Being in my room, on my bed as if it was another night had its comforts and nostalgia, but my heart- my everything- was with him, wherever the hell he was.
I leaned my back against the cool wall, my legs stretched out in front of me as my head fell back. It was harder to keep my mind focused when he wasn't touching me. Nightmares of those lost moments with James haunted me when I was back on the rez. And here it was again, haunting me as I tried to will myself calm. I inhaled shaky breaths and opened my eyes to stare out at the night. It didn't surprise me when I heard the door open.
"Your father's calling it a night." Sam informed, "I thought I'd keep you company."
"Now why would you do that?" I asked, my eyes still taking in the gloomy picture of the grey skies.
"Because you're starting to look like yesterday." He said solemnly.
I sighed, blinking my eyes and turning to face him, "He didn't tell me he was leaving."
Sam nodded, taking careful steps before sitting at the edge of my bed, "I know."
"Did he tell you?" I asked again. There had to be something he said to make Sam agree.
"He wasn't specific, but I have an idea."
"Sam," I pleaded, hoping he'd cave. When he didn't, my chest constricted. I pulled myself to the edge of the bed next to him, feeling the walls close around me in the room. I needed to breathe, to get some air.
"Jacob, where are you going?" Sam questioned from the bed as I stood to my feet.
"I need to get out of here." I didn't get far. Just as my hand touched the doorknob of my door, I felt his hand around my wrist. It was so unfamiliar feeling skin as heated as mine. I missed the cool touch.
"He wants you safe."
I faced him, feeling my features harden at the words, "By not telling me anything?" I pulled my hand away from him, "How does that keep me safe?"
Sam didn't seem fazed by my anger. He merely met my gaze and spoke, "Didn't you do the exact same thing?"
I felt like an idiot, standing there before and speaking to Sam as if I had the high morals here. He was right. I did the exact same thing. And I so easily had forgotten. But I hurt him with hiding, even if it would still hurt him when I was honest. He seemed to handle it well. At least I think he did.
"Jacob, I'm not saying he is right. He sees that you've been through enough. We've all seen it."
In a defeated sigh, I took a seat next to Sam, cradling my head in my hands, "Please tell me he's going to be okay."
Whether he was lying or telling the truth, I just needed to hear the words, "He's going to be fine."
Edward
Swollen flesh glossed with perspiration, eyes shut in pain as the strangled howls matched my own.
My body burned, every fiber of me. This was worse than tasting him for the first time, worse than him imagining me taking his life. I couldn't understand it. This pain, it felt so...human.
The words were like those under water; so distant and garbled, "Edward!"
I felt rigid, physically more dead than ever, but the insides of me pumped blood, breathed in fresh air, thumped in a pulse. If only for a second. My eyes shot open, seeing Emmett's boyish face strained in worry.
"Holy shit!" He exclaimed, before my vision was clouded by the various expressions on Jacob's face.
It was as if I was hurting him. Me forcing him to say those words. Me destroying him.
"Jazz!" Emmett's voice was but a mile away. But like a switch, the present was with me just as I heard the clash of stone on wood. Helping me up, Emmett faced the source of the noise as I did. On the second floor of the shack was a massive hole, where Jasper stood, eyes darkened and predatory staring at the shambles before us, a huddled form climbing to its feet.
Crimson eyes met mine, before they crinkled at the facial motion of a grin.
Jacob
My fingers touched the empty side of the bed before I turned over on my other side. My gut twisted and clenched, knowing he was out there. Sleep came and went, but never lingered long enough for calm to claim me. I was a mess. Not much compared to my last days, but with a weathered soul in his absence, it hurt all the same.
I could hear the movement. Perhaps the boys were making themselves more comfortable outside my window. It was a bit annoying trying to sleep with the panting just on the other side of the wall. I hoped they would at least put some distance between us, but they were under strict orders to keep hawk eyes on me.
My ears perked up at whispered words before my window slid open. I sat up in my bed, ready for Sam. He really was serious about keeping an eye on me.
My heart leapt in my throat when I saw the shimmering pale skin in the moonlight. I was off the bed in an instant, embracing him just as his last foot touched the carpeted floor of my room. My arms tangled around his neck and I kept my nose pressed to his cool throat, tracing his scent, eager to know where he was. He smelled of a sweet smell I could recall...
"Where were you?" I asked him, pressing my lips to his throat before tracing a line to his chin.
His hands were instantly in my hair, tugging eagerly, "Look at me, love." He spoke softly. I did so, pulling back to stare at his face. I gasped, when I saw the haunted look in his eyes.
"Edward..." I was lost trying to decipher just what the fuck happened to him, "What happened?"
Edward
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again
You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
His eyes searched mine; looking for an answer I knew I couldn't give yet. I needed to know, yearned to know we were different. I knew the loving looks Jacob threw in my direction, the way his mind raced to touch me, to complete me, but it still ate at me like a virus.
He infected us.
I wanted those hateful stares, those painful cries to be drowned out by his need and love.
He loved this monster.
I couldn't answer him. My lips brushed his in a silent request. He hesitated for only a moment before adding pressure into the kiss. My fingers never left his hair, pulling at the roots, using that as a way to keep him as close as possible.
I needed to know...
"Are you mine?" I pleaded against his lips.
Answer me love. Please.
He whimpered against my lips in shock, his lips ceasing movement for a second, before his mind blurred with incoherent questions. Without speaking, he lifted his hand, taking one of mine that still fisted his locks and pulled it away, guiding it between us, down to the curve of his thigh where my mark still scarred his body under his shorts. My being shivered at the texture of the scar.
It was as if a part of me was with him.
With hazy, dark eyes he whispered, "I love you." He was answering my question a hundred fold. Our tongues met in a frenzy greeting, stroking and caressing the other, before Jacob willingly suckled me into the warm cavern of his mouth. I relished the feeling of being surrounded by his body heat.
I needed more.
As if reading my mind, Jacob slowly walked us backwards to his bed. With grace, he circled one hand around my neck, keeping me sealed to him as he lowered his body. I followed, crawling my way up the mattress on my fists before he was fully on his back and I straddled his lap. Our tongues never ceased their greeting.
"I love you with all of me." My voice was raw and in need of confirmation of his affections. I knew affections weren't something he felt too comfortable with, but he didn't hesitate to put me at ease.
"Never leave me?" He sounded just as vulnerable as I not moments before.
I was battling the thought. He was under me; want in his eyes, hands so easily touching me. He didn't wince or grimace. There wasn't a trace of discontent or fear. His eyes spoke a different language. A language I could speak just as fluently.
"Never." My lips pecked his searing flesh, vibrating against his throat when he spoke again.
"Promise me, Edward?" He gripped my head in his hands before pulling me away so he could look at me, "You won't leave me alone like that again."
I covered his hands with my own, "If it is what you wish, I'll stay by your side."
A tender smile crossed his beautiful face, full lips pulling back to reveal white teeth, "Well, you don't have to follow me everywhere." His eyes were bright, as they were before foul hands scarred his heart and body.
I took him that moment, carefully sliding off his loose shorts, carelessly discarding my clothes. My body ached for his warmth, the venom coating the head of my organ making it slick enough to ease into his willing body. In relief, he whimpered, fingers clutching my forearms after I wrapped my arms under his knees and shoulders, fingers pushing back the strands of hair away from his eyes as he kept his gaze with mine.
Whispered words between us, escaladed into trembling moans and groans as my member found refuge in him. Every bit of me hummed as what felt like volts of electricity rushed through me. This was different. Somehow, the bond tightened between us when I began to believe such a thing was impossible. We were connected not only in body and soul, but now in mind.
He eased my fears with each cry of my name, each time his hips lifted to meet my thrusts . He didn't know then, but he owned me as well. All of me, monster and human.
His pulsing need fit between us, demanding attention, but his mind was far from relieving himself.
Stay with me. Stay in me. He threw his head back against my fingers, flickering his tongue out to catch the digits. My cries were loud enough for curious ears yards away to hear. His heat embodied me, showering me in his fiery caress.
His tongue, his quivering insides.
My body responded, but not as I expected. A hunger took over, my throat drying. A human thirst I had forgotten. A thirst of a desert for water.
Jacob's full lips parted, before nipping my finger. His eyes suggesting just what I yearned to do.
I want it. His puckered lips pulled away as he revealed the flesh to me. The mark I made still evident on the russet surface. The growl of yearning grew in my chest grew with each thrust into him. Without any warning, I pulled myself onto my heels, taking him. He sat on my lap, my member still impaling his trembling body. Jacob kept his head angled away from me, showing me the offering. I cupped his warm cheek, just as our eyes met. I was touched by the desire in his eyes. He enjoyed this part of me, this monster. He wanted to see it, to relish it. The comfort that gave me...
Lifting my hips off of the heels of my feet, I stroked his insides, bringing his attention to our connection, averting it from the impending strike. I was quick, knowing it would be less painful, like a sharp prick. His thighs clenched around mine and I steadied his swaying body with my free arm, circling the small of his back. I suckled his essence from his body, turned on when my name was at the top of his lungs, when the howls of wolves echoed outside, feeling the reverberation of our connection.
My lips locked on his pulse, his insides locked around mine.
That distant moment ago, when I first took him, tasted his essence for the first time. It never struck me that this beast in me would set us free, take his first life, spread an immunity. Something I possessed, that every other creature like me had, that James had, made Jacob and I who we were.
I wasn't him. And even though the images haunted me like my own memory, I knew right then that Jacob felt safe in my arms. I had the ability and ease of taking his life and taking his heart and he trusted me with both.
"God, I'm-" coming!
I leaned on my knees, lifting off my heels as I picked up the pace. Almost instantly, the bliss of him contracting around me, taking me in deeper was enough for me to know he was ascending to his euphoric state. My lips detached from his wound and I lapped at the broken skin and found my peace in him.
"Did I taste good?" He panted and whimpered softly when I tickled his gland, "Is that what satisfies you, my body and my blood?"
"Jake." I growled, unable to hold off the inevitable.
"If you can have a piece of me, why not the other way around?" He teased, "Let me have you in me, Edward." I lived to give him what he wished for.
With one last thrust, my release coated his insides in consecutive pumps. My body didn't tire, but my being was overwhelmed with the other-thrill of his essence in me. I lowered him onto his back. His eyes were still lidded in desire, but he graced me with an alluring smirk. Like human lovers, we lay next to the other, our minds coming down from the height of our orgasms, hands roaming relentlessly over each other. It was then that the last few hours caught up with me. I had hoped that touching him again would ease any fears and during it had, but my mind replayed the pain I endured.
Seeing Jacob like that. It was worse than 72 hours of venom rushing through my veins, stilling my heart and emptying my lungs of air.
And I couldn't forget what was to come.
I hadn't expected his acceptance at death or his willingness to divulge any form of information. Yet through the pain, James's dead, cold eyes met mine and he revealed what he had done. The war he had started.
The war he was meant to start.
"Enjoy what you have now. Both you and your dog's days are numbered." He sneered right before I rid him of his over-used organ, stuffing it in his mouth. I watched him burn, until I was sure he was gone for good. As much as I wanted to believe it was the end, it was far from over.
I was sure now, with him in my arms that I was one step closer to humanity. I was certain now even as the guilt ate at me that I couldn't save him before, that he trusted me with all he had. I had him as mine, completely and I'd fight to my death to keep it that way as long as possible.
He watched my face in awe, his eyes widening, "Your eyes..." He whispered.
"Are they red?" I asked, aware of the consequence of feeding on human blood. He shook his head slowly, a curious look on his face.
"They're...a fucking beautiful green." He sat up on his elbows, getting a closer look, "I thought I saw this earlier, but it wasn't as...brilliant."
My chest thrummed with an odd sensation, "That can't be possible."
"It is." He cocked his head, "Would you like me to show you?" He asked, not waiting for an answer before he concentrated on mirroring what his eyes saw. I saw myself staring back at him, confusion clouding my expression, but my eyes sparkled a green that I remembered from a life before.
With him, I really did have my humanity.
"My eyes were green when I was human." It was a vague memory, but I could still remember the compliments of such a strong feature.
Jacob sat up next to me, a new look of astonishment on his beautiful face, "Whoa! Do you think-?" He asked with a smile, feeling my skin then flattening his palm against my chest, "Your skin feels a bit warmer but that's it." His tone wasn't laced with disappointment, but wonder, "What do you think that was?"
"I don't know," I shook my head, "It might have something do with why you're immunity to my venom or me tasting you." My new transformation - internal and external - ignited my concern for his health. I stroked the scar on his neck, not surprised to see the wound just as the other on his thigh, "Our connection. It appears to be on every level now."
"Every level?" He asked, following the design of my fingers along his skin until he weaved ours together.
"Yes," I confirmed, "Body, soul - "
"And mind?" He added. I nodded, bringing our clasped hands to my lips, kissing his burning flesh, "Like I could hear you, maybe?" He asked. It was this that had my mind whirring.
The imprint changed a lot between us, but never had it changed the color of my eyes or having my own mind read.
My venom, it changed the construct of his body, making him immune to any other vampire bites. Could that mean that his blood did something to me as well? Overwhelmed with the news of the day, I tried to momentarily focus on one thing at a time.
"I think that'll be something we'll have to talk about with Carlisle," I answered, "As well as something else."
His attention piqued, "Jacob, when I left-"
"I worried about you." He spoke up, not letting me finish, "Sam said that you were trying to keep me safe and I think I get it. I tried to protect you too, to keep you from knowing what happened. I didn't want you to see and suffer with me," His eyes lowered briefly, "The look on your face when I told you. I was sure you'd kill me or... you were pissed as all hell. But it wasn't at me. And as well as you hid the way it hurt you, I could still see it."
"Jake-" He shook his head as a silent gesture that he wasn't done.
"You went looking for him, didn't you? And you saw...what he did?" He lowered his voice into a whisper, "I saw it in your eyes. You looked like shit, like you were going to lose me. You were as scared as I was, weren't you?"
"I was."
His shoulders fell and he avoided my eyes, "I'm so sorry." His voice was hoarse and raw from unshed tears, "He said that he'd get them to kill you. I didn't want to, Edward..."
I quieted him with a gentle kiss, swiping the trail of wetness on his cheek, "I know you didn't want that. I know it hurt you and I swear it felt like I was dying watching it. The pain..." At that his eyes widened, he opened his mouth to apologize and linger on the thought of what I went through, but I couldn't stand seeing him worry, "Shh, but it's over." I tried to assure him.
"No, it isn't." He shook his head knowingly.
"James is gone now and I won't let anything else touch you."
"But Joan and Jean said-"
"Joan and Jean?" I frowned at the mention of the names. They rang a bell.
"They were there with James. They didn't hurt me. Actually, they didn't really like James all that much, but they said they needed him for something."
And like that, everything clicked.
"They want to start a war." I spoke this more to myself as my mind raced. It was all too clear. I remembered the Raven haired girl's words. "I want to know if your coven are potentials."
Potentials for a war.
And with Alice's vision, it could only make sense who we were fighting.
"Jacob," This, he needed to know, "I need to tell you about the Volturi."