A/N: This is a sequel to my other story, A Different Normal. So, I think you need to read that one, first or this story wouldn't make much sense!
In later chapters there will be more about Tony and his emotional problems; eventually a case will come up and...!
.
Thanks to everyone who gave me their support. I hope you all like this story, too. :D
Thanks to XX-Samantha-XX for her great helps. :)
.
.
.. What Doesn't Kill You ..
.
Tony walked towards his desk slowly and sat down behind it. He hadn't felt like coming back to work that day. It had been a week since he'd been back to work and he still wasn't used to all these changes.
But more than anything today was the first day that McGee and Ziva would come back to work. He so wasn't looking forward to seeing them.
Gibbs had once told him that they wanted to visit him in the hospital, but he wasn't ready, and Gibbs never pushed. After his long talk with Gibbs, he really tried to bring himself to talk to the junior agents, but he just couldn't find it in him. So he had passed the message and had happily postponed the confrontation to a later time.
And for once, it seemed like that they were respecting his wishes, because they hadn't tried to go and see him at his place after he was released from the hospital, either. Or maybe that was just because they weren't comfortable seeing him at his home.
Anyway, here he was, sitting behind his desk at 0630 in the morning, going through another cold case; the same thing that he had been doing since coming back to work; and waiting for his so called teammates to show up on their first day back.
Glancing at the file on his desk, he tossed his pen on it and leaned back. He didn't feel like working. He had even thought about calling in sick.
The nightmares had somehow started to fade and he felt extremely good about being able to walk around without jumping out of his skin and reaching for his Sig at any tiny sound when he was alone. But his shoulder still ached and his leg felt weird. Physical therapy and not taking the painkillers could do that to you, though. But he knew better than that, he couldn't hide in his home forever. It was now or never. He had to face them, eventually.
"Let's get it over with." he sighed and grabbed his pen again, deciding not to think about what was going to happen next.
"Get over with what?" Gibbs walked into the squad room.
"Hey Boss." Tony looked up. "With the paperwork." He lied without hesitation." I'm sick of it. Can't you just let me back to the field?"
"Do I look like an idiot to you, DiNozzo? I didn't get you back so I could kill you myself." He walked to his desk and sat. Looking at Tony, he found the younger man pale and tired. "You alright, DiNozzo?"
Tony turned his eyes from the apparently very interesting spot on the opposite wall and looked at his boss. "Never felt better, Boss."
Gibbs didn't buy it for a second, but he let it slide. "It's still not too late to change your mind."
"About what?" Tony's confusion seemed genuine.
"Ziva and McGee."
"Oh. No. It'll be OK. Just don't expect me to go all Abby and hug them when they walked in."
Gibbs couldn't help but chuckle as he imagined that. "Nobody expects you to hug anyone on your best day. Let alone now."
"Good. 'Cause it'd look a little awkward."
A few minutes later the elevator dinged and Ziva and McGee stepped out. They both seemed very reluctant to walk into their usually warm and friendly squad room. Tony looked at Gibbs for a second and turned back to his work.
"You waiting for an invitation?" Gibbs called out harshly. "Get your asses to your desks."
Ziva and McGee shared a glance and quickly walked to their desks. But seeing Tony with his left arm still in a sling, they stopped again.
"Tony." They called hesitantly.
It was the first time after almost one month that they were meeting their friend. They had heard about his condition form the Director, but they didn't know anything in detail. Nobody would talk to them. It seemed like everybody had boycotted them.
Tony didn't even look up. He nodded solemnly. "Paperwork doesn't get done by itself. Start your work already." He could feel all eyes on him. Gibbs was in his overprotective mode and he was ready to jump and rip McGee or Ziva apart if it was needed.
Ziva looked at McGee and decided that she couldn't wait any longer. "Tony, we need to talk."
"It's Agent DiNozzo to you." Gibbs voice startled them both.
McGee gulped, Ziva's reaction was more complicated; it was something between rage and shame. And Tony... Well, he had to bend his head even more, so they couldn't see the shadow of the grin that had appeared on his face.
"He's your superior and any sign of insubordination that I see from either of you, you're fired. Hell, even if I feel that you're not respectful enough, you're fired. Is that clear?" Gibbs had said the same words before, but he wanted to tell them in front of Tony. He wanted Tony to hear that he had his back and he wouldn't let things get that bad again.
McGee and Ziva nodded.
"Yes, Boss." McGee said.
"And that's Agent Gibbs till the further notice. You have to prove yourselves before you start calling us anything else." Gibbs announced. "Get to your desks."
Ziva turned and walked towards Gibbs' desk. "We need to solve our problems first." She whispered to Gibbs.
"You don't need to do jack squat unless Agent DiNozzo or I say so, Probationary Agent David." Gibbs didn't follow her example in whispering.
Ziva sighed and walked back to her desk. Sitting down, she turned her computer on, but she couldn't help but stare at Tony, who had done nothing but stare at whatever he was working on.
He hadn't said anything else apart his first short sentence. She knew that it would be hard to fix things, but she had counted on Tony's always happy demeanor. She wasn't ready for this. She thought that Tony would forget it eventually.
The fact that Tony was ignoring her was more painful than she could imagine. She had taken Tony and his good spirit for granted and now she had to pay for that.
"Probationary Agent McGee, get your ass to your desk or get the hell outta here." Gibbs' harsh word brought her mind back to the squad room and she just realized that Tim was still standing in front of Tony's desk.
"Sorry, Boss. Umm..., I mean agent Gibbs." he walked quickly to his desk.
He wasn't better than Ziva. To tell the truth he was worse; he had been working with Tony longer than Ziva had and he couldn't imagine not having Tony on his side. He knew that he had been mean to Tony and he was sorry, but the thing was that he had no idea how to fix their friendship.
He was hoping that Ziva could do all the hard work, but obviously things were worse than what he had imagined.
Damn. Of course it was. They had let Tony down so bad that it was a miracle that he was there at that moment.
He dared to toss a glance Tony's way. He hadn't seen him in the hospital. He didn't really know what was going on under that expensive suit. The sling holding his injured arm and the faded bruises on his face and neck were the only visible things for him to see. What was going on underneath Tony's clothes, he had no idea.
He turned his attention back to his keyboard and suddenly wished for Tony to superglue it to his fingers. 'God, what wouldn't I give for one of his stupid pranks.' The tension in the room was just too high. He wasn't sure if he could continue working there for a long time.
Abby's arrival made him smile. He sighed with relief and hoped that she could somehow make the tension dissipate. But he was wrong. She completely ignored both him and Ziva and went straight to Tony's desk.
"Hey there, Tony-boy. How was your weekend?" She asked cheerfully as she sat on the edge of his desk.
"Good morning, Abs. You were there for most of it. You know how it was." Tony dropped his pen and leaned back.
"But I left early. I don't know what happened next." She complained.
"It was half past eleven when you left, Abby. How do you call that early?" Gibbs replied instead.
'OK, that is it. They are trying to torture us by ignoring us and talking about their marvelous time together.' Ziva sulked and grabbed her pen to start her work, determined not to listen to their conversation. Tony helped her with that.
"Can we talk about it later?" He asked. "I don't think this is really a good time for that." He remembered how he felt when he had been ignored as a child and even by the team at some stages and he wouldn't wish it upon anyone, not even the very people who had betrayed him. He wasn't like that. I mean, sure he was mad at them but ignoring people like that would be too rude and hurtful and he wasn't like that.
Abby frowned and looked at Gibbs, concern clear in her eyes. "Alright. Anyway, that's not the only reason that I came up here. I need to talk to you about a case. Both of you are needed."
Gibbs finally looked up when she didn't say anything else and just stood there, waiting. "You wanna tell us anytime today, Abby?"
"Here?" She asked with wide eyes. "Oh no. You two will come down to my lab and I'll tell you about it."
"Then why didn't you just call?" Tony asked.
"I need to leave that lab every now and then, you know? Besides, I wanted to come here and see you first." She smirked. They all knew what she meant.
"Then, let's go down, Abby." Gibbs stood. "DiNozzo?"
"Coming, Boss." Tony stood up and grabbed his cane. He hated the thing with a passion, but he wasn't stupid, he knew he needed to let his leg heal, or he had to stay behind even longer.
He didn't fail to notice Ziva and McGee's wide eyes and the pity that crossed their faces for a second. He ignored all of them and walked slowly out of the bullpen, having both Abby and Gibbs on each side, matching their steps with him.
"I didn't know it was this bad." McGee looked at Ziva when they were finally alone.
"He was in a hospital for almost two weeks. What did you expect to see, McGee?" Ziva retorted.
"Oh now you're going to take your anger out on me?" He asked angrily.
"I am not going to do anything but my damn job right now. You better do the same thing."
"What's your problem? What happened that damn night wasn't just my fault. And it sure is not my fault that things are worse than what you thought they would be."
Ziva finally looked up at McGee, her eyes showing her sadness. "I did not realize I was so dependent on him and his ..." She looked down. "Forget it."
McGee sighed. "What are we supposed to do now, Ziva? How can we fix it? He doesn't trust us. Hell, he doesn't want to see us. I'm surprised that he has accepted to work with us again. When Gibbs told us that we could come back to work; Probies, or not; I was so happy. I thought Tony has forgiven us. I didn't expect to see this." He waved his arm in the air, pointing to Gibbs and Tony's now empty desks.
"I do not know what to say. Do you think he will ever forgive us?" she asked sadly.
"I hope so. He's given us a second chance. I'll try my best not to let him down this time. I gotta say, though, I'm not sure how long I can stand it and work in an atmosphere like this. Abby didn't even acknowledge us; like we weren't even there. And we used to be so close." McGee sighed again. "Gibbs is ready to tear us apart any second and Tony... Well, Tony not being Tony is bad enough that I don't think I need to add anything else. It's suffocating that he's not talking or looking at us."
"I think he hates us." Ziva nodded. "Do you think Ducky would tell us about his injuries?"
"Not in this lifetime." McGee closed his eyes. "Maybe we could find out about them in his file."
Ziva's head snapped up at that. "Do not dare, Tim. You just gave me a lecture about behaving and now you are talking about breaking into his personnel file? Forget about it. I will tell Gibbs if you do such thing."
McGee held up his hands in the air. "Alright, alright. I was just suggesting. So, do you have a better idea?"
"I'd rather stay in the dim light than betraying him again."
"Stay in the dark. Not dim light. Where do you get those words from? You know the meanings of the expressions and you can't remember the right word?"
"Does that really matter right now?" She pouted. "Get back to your work. I do not want Gibbs to yell at me again. I have had enough for one day."
"I've had enough for a lifetime." McGee turned his computer on and didn't say anything else.
.
.
... TBC ...
A/N : It would be great to know what you think. :)
.
.
.