Emma Swan had always thought of herself to be brave, I mean, she chopped down a sociopathic mass murderers, apple tree with a chainsaw and she slew a fucking dragon, okay so that was Regina's apple tree who's actually a lot less murdery these days unless she was in the company of Snow, Rumple, Hook or Zelena and sometimes David, and even occasionally Emma, depending on her mood but she is trying and that's what matters.
Emma also probably shouldn't call her a sociopath considering she wanted to date her, and she was literally the mother of her child which they now shared and Emma didn't actually manage to kill Maleficent, in fact, she just reappeared a few years later in human form when Gold went all mob boss with his girl gang and tried to take over Storybrooke.
Anyway, back to the problem, Emma was super brave when it came to fighting evil, which she did all the time, without breaking a sweat, but what she wasn't brave about, was her feelings, nope Emma Swan was a big fat coward in matters of the heart, and she knows this because, she's been harbouring a giant crush on Regina Mills for two years now and the woman had absolutely no idea, in fact, Emma is pretty sure Regina thinks that she wouldn't date her, even if she was the last person on earth, which was all damn ruby's fault. She caught Emma off guard one day when she and regina were having lunch by making a very childish comment of;
"You know you two make a really hot couple," to which Regina just smirked and didn't reply but emma got so flustered and anxious about her crush being found out, that she ended up loudly claiming "that's absurd, she is literally my grandmother and she's like 90, not including all the curses, God ruby you're so weird."
Regina, unsurprisingly, was extremely offended, and she got up and walked out, leaving Emma to pay the bill that she was supposed to be paying.
It took the saviour three weeks and many apology texts which would always come back with the same reply of 'Sorry, I already forgot what you said, my dementia must be playing up. Love grandma'. even Henry hadn't helped, he thought the whole thing was hilarious and could barely get out the messages Regina used to send him with, without breaking down into laughter, which usually consisted of "mom said, you'll have to pick me up from school because she shouldn't be driving at her age" or "mom, didn't give me any dinner money. She didn't hear me ask. After all, her hearing isn't what it used to be, you know since she's ninety" and Emma's all-time favourite "you have to take me to the stables this week because mom broke her hip while trying to make an apple turnover for her favourite grandchild... That's you, by the way".
Regina eventually came round, but only because snow threatened to refer to her as mom and apparently that thought was so horrifying that she instantly forgave Emma and they've never mentioned it again.
Now, Emma was cursing herself, albeit not literally, although the concept had appealed to her a few times if only to forget how much of an idiot she was when it came to a certain beautiful brunette mayor, but no, that was Regina's speciality and apparently snows too, which was quite the surprise considering she wasn't exactly thrilled to have been frozen in time for twenty-eight-years in the first curse, but apparently curses were fair game, if your intention was to get your saviour daughter to come back from her nice normal life in the real world, to the mind fuckery that was Storybrooke to fight the wicked witch of the west. who was pretending to be a midwife whilst plotting to steal your baby, so she could go back in time and make sure her Mother never sent her to OZ and her sister wasn't born, because she was a jealous little bitch and apparently regina had been given the life that Zelena wanted.
Yes, because being forced to marry a man three times your age, who is also the exact same man your mother nearly married years before you were born, and then also having to become a teenaged mother to his daughter who was nine years younger than you, and then to have that same child promise not to spill a secret, which she almost immediately broke, to then having that result in your psychopathic mother murdering your fiancee right in front of you, which then sent you spiralling down a dark path of vengeance, where you proceeded to learn dark magic from the dodgiest bloke in all realms, only for him to have orchestrated the whole thing, and now your horse is dead and you killed your dad and you have nothing to show for it apart from reliving the same day repeatedly for twenty-eight years, but yeah it sounds like a fabulous life and Emma can totally see why Zelena would have wanted that.
Right we've gone off track again but seriously, Emma's whole life was super fucked up, and she was surprised that she wasn't in a mental hospital already and now she had bigger problems which came in the form of a constipated looking, thief, with blue eyes, blonde hair and a super adorable son. Which hello, Emma was and also had all of those things apart from the constipated facial expression, well at least she didn't think so anyway, she might have to ask Ruby about that one.
Anyway, back to Robin, which is a dumb name, by the way. Who names their kid after a bird? Robin fucking hoods mom, that's who. Bird boy was trying to get regina to date him again because she was his soulmate and get this, "I didnt mean to get your sister pregnant with your niece, I thought it was my wife, who was murdered by you thirty years ago, then saved by Emma, then frozen and murdered again by your sister who had actually been pretending to be her since before Emma even saved her and I love you and you're my soulmate,"
which fair enough Zelena did do the weird body swap thing, but he still fucked his wife like right after he left his 'soulmate' heartbroken and crying in a town that he knew he'd never find again and then when she went to save him from said evil sister he was all like;
"I can't come back to storybrooke because I'm an honourable man and I need to raise my child with this deranged woman who tried to kill you, killed my wife and then stole her identity and basically raped me, but you're my soulmate and we're destined to be together but wait your turn, yeah?"
Bird boy was a dick and Emma hated him but she was also jealous of him because he had a legitimate reason to have fallen for Regina, whereas she had nothing, were people really going to understand that she had somehow managed to develop feelings for the woman, who not only was partly to blame for the reason she grew up as an orphan but also got her arrested, tried to run her out of town, tried to put her under a sleeping curse via Apple turnover, which then resulted in their son actually dying for a few seconds before emma woke him with true loves kiss.
Yes, Regina had done a whole load of good since then and she has saved them all multiple times, but fairy tale characters were notorious for holding a grudge and not everyone had forgiven the ex evil queen, and would probably think Regina had her under some kind of love spell.
Her mother would probably be devastated though sometimes she thinks that MM might be harbouring a little crush of her own, she's weirdly obsessed with everything regina does, she talks about her constantly and they have lunch dates and talk about 'the good old days' obviously meaning before Snow became a massive snitch and before Regina made it her life's mission to remove her from existence.
Ahe would also probably find it weird that Emma wanted to have lots of hot sex with a woman who was, in fact technically her step- great grandmother, that's if she didn't spontaneously combust first at the fact her daughter was a lesbian, though she might argue that Emma was actually bisexual because of, you know, that one time she had a baby to a three-hundred-year-old man child, who then got her sent to prison because Pinocchio told him to.
It then it turned out he was a fairy tale character as well, and he was the son of Rumpelstiltskin, dealmaker extraordinaire. who everyone still insists on going to for help no matter how many times he's fucked them over because apparently fairytale characters never learn and they also have a weird addiction to signing contracts with manipulative mass murderers who want you to give up your firstborn child in order to seal the deal.
Emma thinks that maybe it's some type of Stockholm syndrome thing, which Belle is also obviously suffering from, like, the dude literally kept her locked up and then forced her to be his maid and she went and fell in love with him and not even when he was in his Mr Gold form either, where Emma could possibly see the appeal if you were into old men with gold teeth and a limp, but no, Belle fell for him when he was Rumple and he was all, gold, scaly and glittery and just super fucking creepy.
But no, Emma wasn't bisexual. Neal was definitely just a blip, and Hook was a beard. The man was also very gay, and he had a crush on her dad, which was actually very nauseating, especially when David unintentionally encourages it.
The saviour can't really blame him for that though, because he just wants to be Hook's bestie, but every bit of attention he gives the pirate has him swooning, and it's really disgusting.
Emma always has to be like "mate, he is my father and he's married plus you're literally supposed to be dating me, fucking get control of yourself or I swear I'll tell Regina that you let Henry drive the Jolly Roger unsupervised," that usually snaps him out If it because Regina might not be the evil queen anymore but she's still absolutely terrifying and that's on a good day.
Regina is also beautiful, intelligent, sassy, a great mother, a fantastic mayor, a brilliant friend, mostly, and she loves so fiercely. she's also so damn sexy that it makes Emma want to cry sometimes, cry because she'll never have the courage to tell the extraordinary brunette woman that she has a big lesbian crush on her and that she'll probably have to spend her life watching Regina and Bird boy be all happy and in love with their adorable little family which includes her son.
They'll probably get married and maybe have some little bird baby's of their own, who will probably be just as cute as Roland and Henry, which is a whole load of cuteness, and Emma will just have to smile and continue to date the pirate who actually wants to be dating her dad.
No! she would not do that even the thought of it made her want to throw herself off a cliff, probably not the same one she pushed Cruella off though, you know because of PTSD and stuff, but, no she would not sit back and let bird boy take her woman from her, although, Regina would probably murder her if she heard her say that because Regina was not a possession she was a gift, a really fucking hot gift that Emma wanted to unwrap repeatedly.
Ahit, she was getting off track again, so back to the whole 'not sitting back and letting bird boy take her son's mother away from the ready-made family she already has which consists of Emma and Henry,' yes that sounds more respectable right?... Right, and Emma is pretty sure she has a plan but she's probably going to need some help, so her first stop will have to be the diner, just as soon as she finishes all the paperwork she was supposed to be doing