Henry Mills was sitting in the diner with Grace when he got an SOS text from his ma.

Code black kid, station now!

Oh damn, that wasn't good. They had come up with the colour code scheme at the same time they came up with the reward system. Red was angry but not murdery, purple was on the verge of an Evil Queen meltdown, and black? Well black was either she's gone full Evil Queen or she's depressed. Henry hates himself a little for praying it's the latter. But to be fair, a sad Evil Queen will be much easier to deal with than a destructive Evil Queen. So he doesn't actually feel that bad.

He said a quick goodbye to Grace and practically sprinted to the Sheriff's station. Once he got inside, he saw his ma sat at her desk very calmly doing paperwork.

'Ma? What's wrong with Mom? You said it was code black,' he panted, red-faced and sweating.

Emma looked up from her paperwork and smiled. 'Oh hey, kid. Did you run here?

Henry scowled at her. As if she couldn't tell he had run. 'No! I flew here. I still had some fairy dust left over from that time my psychotic teenaged, not-so Great-Grandad kidnapped me and stole my heart.'

'To be fair, kid. You actually gave him your heart, so that's on you,' smirked Emma.

'Seriously? How are you even a parent?'

'Well, Henry. When Mommies and Daddies-'

Henry instantly covered his ears. 'Lalalala,' he sang, while Emma snorted.

He uncovered his ears when he realised his Ma would not continue with her very late introduction to the birds and the bees. His mom had already given him a PowerPoint presentation and that was humiliating enough. He still sometimes has nightmares about it.

'So? Are you going to tell me what's up with Mom? She has been acting weird all week, but I just thought it was her free week so I've been staying at Grams and Gramps.'

'Free week' is what they called Regina's time of the month. It was the one week of the month that she could insult people without them getting offended, as long as she wasn't violent. Although, they had to add the rule that she could only make Snow cry twice that week without losing her sticker because at first Snow was coming home in tears multiple times a day. And the fact that she was pregnant made it a thousand times worse. It ended up with Emma and David actually hiding in the clock tower playing cards and drinking most of the week.

'She already had her free week this month, remember? She told the blue fairy that she was a patronising, stuck up, moth-looking fuckwit. I don't actually know what's wrong with her. Zee just said she was sad,' sighed Emma.

'Ah, yeah. That was bad! Well, what did you do?'

'What? How come everyone thinks it's my fault?' Whined Emma.

'Because it usually is your fault. She never gets this sad over anyone else. She barely cried over Robin. In fact, wasn't she having shots with you like twenty minutes after he left town with his wife/Wicked Witch?' He smirked.

'Well... Yeah, I have nothing,' she groaned.

'I know! So why do you need my help? Because, I actually do have a life outside of my moms, you know.'

'What? You mean sitting in the diner with your "Non-Girlfriend," eating food your mom would ground you for eating?' Teased Emma.

'Do you want my help or not?' He snarled.

'Right, sorry. Yeah! Can you think of anything that would have upset her?'

'Well, when it comes to you, it could literally be anything. When was the last time you spoke to her?'

'Erm, last week at family dinner.'

'It's been a whole week? Damn! You must have really fucked up. You didn't bring back another one of Robin's dead wives did you?' He inquired suspiciously.

'I'm going to let that slide because I'm the "cool mom," but no. At least not that I'm aware of. But Zee did saying that your mom told him that she didn't have feelings for him anymore...' Emma trailed off, debating on whether she should mention the kiss but she decides against it. Also, that couldn't be the reason, could it?

'Well, maybe you have done nothing. After all, maybe Robin has done something?

'OMG! Yesss! It's obviously Robin's fault. Maybe he found another one of her long lost sisters to impregnate,' she said excitedly. Excited at the fact that it probably wasn't her fault, not that Robin couldn't keep his worm to himself.

'Ew, Ma. Seriously? You're gross!'

'Whatever! You can go now. Thanks so much for your help,' she deadpanned

Henry was already on his way out before Emma finished her sentence. He had a date tonight and he wasn't going to let his mom's ruin it. 'Fine! Bye,' he replied as he jogged out the door.

'Kids,' muttered Emma, as she sat in her chair and picked up a piece of paperwork she still hadn't finished. She then put it back down again. David can finish it, she had more important things to do. She still needed to break up with Hook and come out to her parents, but before that she needed to go and find out what Bird Boy had done to upset her best friend. Maybe she would get to punch him in his constipated face.

She wrote a quick note to David, in case she wasn't back in time for their shift swap and set off for the forest.

She found Robin almost straight away. He was sat on a tree stump sharpening his arrows. The bloke looked like shit! Like, seriously. He looked like he had been crying for a week straight and he smelled like he had slept in a brewery.

She cleared her throat and he looked up, squinting at her. He then tried to stand, but stumbled and ended up on his ass.

'What do you want? Come to steal one of my kids? Or do you want my merry men?' He slurred.

'I have no idea what you're talking about. How much have you had to drink? Also, no! You and my mother are the only people who think it's normal to live in the forest with a group of men when it's fucking odd,' she puzzled.

'Not enough. As if I ever believed I could take her from you. Ha! Not even a soulmate tattoo could make her love me more than the chosen one,' he spat.

'Are you talking about Harry Potter? Because I think Ginny Weasley is a bit young for you and she hasn't got any sisters for you to impregnate, ' smirked Emma

'fuck off saviour, you can take my woman but you'll never take my men. I will fight you' he yelled, scrambling to his feet and staggering towards Emma.

'Ok, Mel Gibson, calm down, ' she snorted as she dodged him and he tripped over again, landing on his knees.

'I am Robin of Locksley, I-'

'Really? I thought your name was Robin Hood, and you came from Sherwood forest In Nottingham?'

'No, Locksley was the manor I lived in the enchanted forest'

'Right, so you've never been to Nottingham?'

'No, Nottingham was the sheriff '

Why do you have a British accent then?

'Why does Zelena?' He shot back.

'Touche'

They stared at each other for a beat before Emma spoke again 'So what did you do to Regina? And I don't mean that part where you slept with her sister, I mean this week, ' she inquired to the archer who was still on the floor.

'I did nothing, you did, and now I've lost her and I haven't even got Zelena as a backup because she's good now and it's immoral to sleep with your sister's soulmate' he spat, he seemed to be sobering up a bit now well, he was at the least not slurring as much.

'Woop Fucking go Zee! I'm so proud of her' Bird Boy scowled at her and she smirks in return 'Erm nope, I am not taking the blame. Hen and I decided that it was your fault and we're sticking to it. So tell me what you've done, ' ordered Emma.

'She said I didn't kiss her right, apparently, my face was too hairy, so I shaved and then she said my lips weren't soft enough so I used some balm but apparently I used the wrong one because I didn't taste like cinnamon so I bought that one, but then my hair wasn't blonde enough and my eyes weren't green enough, my jacket wasn't leathery enough and you should have heard her when I said my favourite colour was blue she flipped her top because apparently, it should be yellow. I offered to dye my hair and wear contacts, but I drew the line at yellow being my favourite colour. I am a man, for god's sake. Then she avoided me for three days and when I went to see how she was well, she told me her feelings for me were dead and slammed the door in my face' he sighed sadly.

'Hmm, she's really particular huh, it sounds like she knows exactly what she wants, but who fits that description? whale maybe, he dyed his hair blonde that one time? Killian wears a lot of leather and Snow has green eyes but that would be super gross' She Muses out loud while Robin looks at her like she's the dumbest person on the planet. I mean, he's pretty oblivious most days, but this is taking the piss.

'I really can't think of anyone else' she groans. for fuck's sake, she just got rid of Robin and now she has someone else to compete with this, it's fucking ridiculous and if she wasn't so certain that Regina was the love of her life then she would have given up by now.

'You really can't think of anyone? Like at all?' Puzzles Robin.

'No, I need to go, don't drink anymore or I'll arrest you' she replies sternly before flicking her wrist and disappearing, leaving a bewildered Robin still lying on the floor.

Sometimes she forgets she has magic, you know, since she lived twenty-Eight years without even knowing it existed and then another year just outright denying it existed. Man, those were the days, just chilling and stealing cars with a three-hundred-year-old man pretending to be in his twenty's, going to prison and finding out you 're pregnant and then giving that baby up for adoption.

Okay, so her life is probably better now but at least back then there weren't curses and evil magical fuckery, annoying soulmates, fake boyfriends parents that thought you were on drugs and there definitely wasn't an Ex Evil Queen of mixed signals that are supposed to be your best friend but are now ignoring your existence. She lets out a snort at herself because she knows fine well she wouldn't be able to live without the people in her life now, not even Zelena through she could probably give up Rumple most days but even he's okay when he's not being a complete manipulative old cunt, which isn't very often but then you can't have it all can you?.

She ends up back at Home just as Henry is leaving for his date. He kisses her on the cheek and tells her he'll be back at ten.

'Have fun hen, but remember no hanky panky because I and your mom are far too young to be a grandma's and also your she would kill you and then me and then probably Grams and Gramps because obviously, it would be their fault for giving birth to me... Just don't do it okay?' She sighs.

'Okay, ma. Bye, love you' he yells as he jogs down the driveway to meet Grace.

Emma walks inside the house and shuts the door before walking over to the fridge and pulling out a beer. She takes a seat on the sofa and takes a swig as she tries to come up with a way to fake a break-up with killian as well as come out to her parents. Henry already knows she's at least bisexual. He totally called her out one day for looking at his mom's ass. She's actually pretty sure he's aware of her feelings, but they've never spoken in-depth about it, but she's confident he will be supportive. Tomorrow needed to go to plan, She could not afford to fuck up again.