Here I am! I'm not going to make any excuses or draw this out. This past year I really struggled with depression. It made me fall out of love with pretty much everything in my life. I've had some big eye openers and I realized I need to seriously work on my mental health and part of that has been getting back into the things that give me the most happiness in life. My creativity is one of the biggest ones so I'm back, doing my best!
Thanks for to everyone who has stuck with me and left their kind words. HUGE thanks to everyone that REVIEWS/FAVORITES/FOLLOWS, you're amazing. Review replies can be found on my DRRR tumblr. Link in my bio.
Now, onto business...
Ikebukuro was uncharacteristically quiet that night. No traffic. No chatter. The absence of the rogue car alarm. Even the street signs didn't hiss. As if the city itself respected Tamina through her whole lonely walk home.
She approached her apartment door and sucked in a long breath. She grasped the handle but found her wrist reluctant to twist. She huffed and tried to compose further, swiping her finger tips under her swollen eyes. She hoped Kururi and Mauri were sleeping already. Egor likely wouldn't ask questions. A bee line for her room. That's all she needed. Bed.
After a moment she turned the nob and pushed the door open. All hope for a quiet evening faded when the door collided with a piled of shoes that were arranged just inside. One pair, two, three, four, five...How many guests were here this evening?! Why tonight, of all nights!?
She moved down the short hall to the common area and found just about all of her friends. Kyohei, Erika, Walker, Saburo, Dr. Kishitani, the twins. Everyone seemed to have found their way to her apartment and made themselves right at home. There was a chorus of friendly welcomes from everyone that tapered off once they saw the state of her.
"Are you okay?" Erika asked urgently, getting up from the couch to move toward her.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Tamina tried to force and smile, though her exhausted face and run down look betrayed her. "Shizuo and I broke up." She admitted, causing everyone in the room to tense.
"Aw, you poor thing." Erika said, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." Tamina lied, grunting a bit when the twins joined in the hug, squeezing her from both sides.
"Damn, Tamina, I'm sorry." Kyohei spoke. "If we knew, we never would have come here..."
"No, it's fine." She replied, peeking over Erika's shoulder. "What are you guys doing anyw-OH my God!" She shouted in surprise when she got a good look at Kyohei's severely beaten face. "What happened!?"
Kyohei sighed as Shinra finished bandaging up his face. "Let's just say those guys over in Saitama are no push overs."
Erika cackled. "Our boy took quite a beating today."
"You should see the other guy though!" Walker chimed in. "Kyohei knocked his lights out."
"Anyway," Kyohei said. "The Dollars are in some hot water tonight and we needed a place to lay low."
"I'm no stranger to giving first aid inside of a van," Shinra added. "But let's just say it's not my preference."
"We saw you were trying to get a hold of us earlier so we came by." Saburo finished.
Tamina nodded. "Yeah, I saw there was a whole lot of stuff going on with the Dollars. Whats up with that?"
Kyohei huffed an irate breath. "It's nothing you need to be worried about. Just some pretenders stirring things up. The real Dollars have everything under control." He assured. "All the same," He added. "Maybe you should take a break from all of this stuff. Social media, relationships. Maybe some time away from work..."
Tamina noticed they all had that look again. The look her friends got when they were worried about her. "I'm fine, really." She tried to convince everyone. "I know you guys worry about me... I know you all think I'm one minor set back from doing something crazy again-"
"That's not what we think, Tamina." Erika suddenly said in a more serious tone than usual. "We just know how you tend to try and keep things to yourself. To your own detriment..."
Tamina's gaze fell. That was certainly true.
"We're always gonna worry." Kyohei admitted. "But that's because we care about you and we don't want you to fall back into old habits. Like it or not, you're stuck with this parent-friend group."
This caused a small smile on Tamina's face. "Who's the mother?"
"Me, obviously." Kyohei said without hesitation.
Tamina laughed at that. "And father?"
"Its either Saburo or Erika." He said.
"I can play interchangeable roles but I prefer step brother or sister." Walker added.
"You're making things weird again..." Kyohei said with a groan.
Everyone shuffled out the front door as Tamina held it open. There was a chorus of 'good nights', then she lazily nudged the knob to let the door sway and click shut.
Before it did, Walker pushed back into the room, surprising her. "Also!" He began, digging through his bag. "I wanted to give you something that has gotten me through some hard times."
"Oh, that's really sweet of you, Walker." Tamina replied, watching him curiously.
"Here." Walker pulled the manga from his bag and handed it to her.
"One Piece?" Tamina asked.
"Mmmhm."
"Isn't there like, a thousand chapters-"
"Shh!"
Tamina was startled when Walkers finger came to her lips to silence her.
"We'll talk about it next time we see you! I'll have volume two ready." Walker told her cheerfully before he followed the others to leave.
She expelled a hard breathe through the nostrils, as if she could push the heaviness of the day out of her body and out the door with the nights guests. It was to no avail. The weight of the world lingered. She turned to retire for the night when she realized there was a extra pair of shoes by the door still. Who hadn't left?
She walked the short hall to check the common area and found Shinra on the couch, as if waiting for her. "Sorry!" He announced with a smile. "Hope I'm not overstaying my welcome."
"Oh, no..." Tamina replied fighting an apprehensive expression. "I'm just tired. Long day you know?" She tried to force a humorous tone. "You can crash here if you want, but I think I'll get some sleep."
"I'll be heading out in just a bit." Shinra let her know cheerfully. "I was just hoping to have a private conversation."
"A private conversation about what?"
"Remember our conversation when I took your staples out?" Tamina stiffened at that but he went on. "About Shizuo and Izaya?"
"I really don't need an 'I told you so'." She warned.
"Of course not!" Shinra replied, a chuckle in his voice. "Still. I find it ironic. Knowing those two as long as I have. Of course they'd end up falling in love with the same woman."
Tamina blushed a bit at that and turned away. "If you have a point to make Shinra..."
"Right, right. Sorry." He got on with it. "I figured out your little predicament, and I think we can help each other."
She clearly tensed at his words. Another proposal? Another potential debt to pay? More scandal and lies. She couldn't hear it. She shook her head in a hard jerk and started toward her room.
"I'm sorry Shinra but I can't get involved in another crazy-"
"Tamina please!" Shinra said in a voice she'd never heard before. One that caused her to stop in her tracks. It didn't boom in volume, yet it carried a desperate weight. "I really need someone on my side in all of this." He told her. "Just hear me out."
Tamina thought on it, sucking in her bottom lip, eyes fixed toward her bedroom. Then, she hissed a hard exhale and returned to the living area.
He gave a more tender smile than she expected when she did. "Thank you."
She just nodded, signaling he should get on with it.
"I won't waste your time." He assured. "I've got everything just about figured out. You can correct me if I'm wrong. After what we talked about in the past I did some digging. It didn't take me long to hone in on what's been going on with your step father."
"How did you-?" Tamina started to ask.
"Izaya isn't the only informant in the world, or the best for that matter." He said somewhat under his breath. "And he's certainly not the only one with underground channels he can tap into. Anyway. I have a feeling he was somehow holding this over you head."
"Izaya helped me get in good with the Awakusu's." She felt no harm in admitting. "I was going to ask them to kill my step father, but I couldn't go through with it."
"Why not?" Shinra asked curiously.
"I don't know." Tamina shrugged. "I felt like I had a gun in my hand. A gun to his head. The feeling of my finger being on a trigger like that it just... It made me sick."
Shinra gave an intrigued nod. "Wow." He chuckled to himself a bit. "No wonder Izaya is in love with you."
Tamina huffed at that. "Izaya just wants someone to go down on his ship with him."
"Hey! That was a great metaphor! Mind if I use that on him sometime? I can just see the annoyed look on his face."
"Anyway," she sighed. "If you want a favor for something like that, then I'm not interested. I just want to move on with my life." She said with a hint of finality in her voice. Could she go to bed now? Sleep...
"My friends already picked him up." He suddenly said, causing her attention to snap back to him all at once.
"Who?" She asked, confused.
"Your step father." He clarified.
"What?"
"He's off the streets. Nothing to worry about anymore."
"What are you talking about?" She demanded.
"Little known fact! Pharmaceutical companies are always looking for healthy humans. It's one of their more low key markets."
Tamina couldn't comprehend what he was saying. She stared at him, eyes growing wider with each of his words.
He went on. "I think it's a much better alternative than poor, innocent animals, you know? They get a warm body to pump full of experimental drugs, test skin care products, eye drops, crazy erection meds. And there's one less predator in the world. Everybody wins. Except the warm body of course." He chuckled a bit.
Tamina still wasn't processing. Her brows were tight, lips pressed in a thin line.
Shinra's expression softened and his tone lost it's humor. "You didn't have to pull any kind of trigger Tamina. He's locked up. For good. And he's never going to hurt anyone again."
She felt like she wasn't in her body. Like she vibrated around it. She could distinctly feel the flesh shake around her bones.
Shinra recognized the change in her and immediately asked. "Do you need to sit?" Before she could reply he stood and guided her to sit down on the couch.
"I just dont..." She started to say, reeling from his words. "I don't understand." Once the initial shock started to fade, apprehension grew. "What do you want from me?"
"Look, I'm not Izaya." He explained. "I'm not going to force you into some kind of crazy scheme. In fact, you don't have to help me at all, if you really don't want to. I just wanted to show you that you can trust me. Kind of like a peace offering?" He added. "Plus, if you help me, you'd be helping Celty too."
Tamina looked up at that. Now Celty needed help? Would she ever catch a break? She expelled a heavy sigh and asked again. "What do you want me to do?"
"Izaya has Celty's head." Shinra began to explain. "I'd like it if you could help me get it back."
"I'm sorry." Tamina gave her head a light shake. After all of the shocks of the day, now she felt she must not be hearing clearly. "Celty's what, now?"
"Her head." He reiterated.
"I thought Celty didn't have a head."
"Well, technically she does. But my dad cut it off with a demonic blade so and so many years ago and lets just say it got away from us." He rambled on as if he were talking about what he had ate for breakfast or how he had spent his weekend. Tamina couldn't comprehend how he could be so casual about something like this. "Anyway!" He went on. "Through a series of unfortunate events I believe Celty's head has ended up in Izaya's possession. And having someone who is so close to him allows for a rare opportunity..." Shinra finished suggestively.
"Stay close to Izaya and try to find Celty's head..."
"Exactly! Like I said, I'm not forcing you into this. And I'm not going to hold this over your head. In fact, I get a kick out of derailing the lives of sick individuals like that, so you don't need to feel like you owe me anything in return. Just think about it. For me, and for Celty."
For Celty... That supernatural presence in her life that had somehow become one of her most reliable friends. Always there when anyone needed her. As much as Tamina didn't want to follow someone elses agenda again, the idea of it being for Celty made it feel so much different. Like it might be the right thing to do...
"Oh, and here." Shinra added as he reached into his lab coat pocket. He retrieved a card and handed it over to Tamina. "I'm sorry if this in intrusive, but after all you've been through and what your friends have told me it seems to me like you might be struggling with depression. Kyohei mentioned that you were reluctant to get professional help but I was hoping you might reconsider."
"Emilia Kishitani?" Tamina read. "Is this a relative of yours?"
"My step mom. But don't let that give you any apprehension. And she's American, so she's a bit eccentric. But I think she's a great person for you to open up to. Get some things off your chest."
Tamina nodded. "I'll think about it... All of it."
"That's all I ask." Shinra replied with a warm smile."Well, why don't I get out of your hair." He finally said, standing and heading for the door. "I can show myself out."
Still reeling from the nights conversation, Tamina found it in her to call to him just before he left. "Shinra!" When he stopped and looked she said. "Thank you so much..."
He just gave another smile followed by a simple thumbs up. Then he left.
Once the door shut a hard gasp escaped her. Even she didn't expect it. Her hand flew to her mouth to keep herself from heaving another hard breath. She stood, but hadn't anticipated how unsteady she would be on her feet. Was the whirlwind of emotions from the day finally catching up with her?
The anxiety of the days search. The horrible heartache of losing Shizuo. And now this massive shock. She couldn't handle it.
She stumbled into the bathroom, grasping the vanity for stability. By the time she looked herself in the mirror her eyes were pouring with tears again. She tried to regain her barrings but her breathing grew more and more erratic despite herself. Her body was becoming unbearabley hot.
Without thinking, she turned the shower head on and stepped inside, clothes and all. She sank to the floor of the tub, letting herself become soaked as she finally let go of all composure and sobbed.
"Mina?" Mairu called softy, peeking into the bathroom. She gasped when she found her caregiver fully dressed on the shower floor. "Are you okay?"
Tamina couldn't answer. She couldn't sort out her own emotions right now. She ached, horribly, but once the initial shock wore off it became replaced with such an intense excitement. Her mind was at war, and it was taking her body along for the ride. All she could do was heave breath after breath through the tears and overwhelming feelings.
Was that it? It was over? Her step father, the antagonist of her life. The literal bane of her existence. The years of anxiety, depression, sickness, the innocence sucked from her world. It all finally meant something. It was all finally over, and she didn't have to actually end a life.
"Mina..." Mairu said, for once at a loss for words and unsure what to do. She was surprised when Kururi pushed passed her to enter the bathroom. Without hesitation, she climbed into the shower as well, sitting under the water with their caregiver and hugging her.
"Hey! I come too!" Mairu chimed, following her sisters lead to climb in and get soaked as well.
Embraced from both sides, Tamina finally started to feel grounded again. The shock and sadness parted just enough to allow for a new bit of hysteria. The sobs slowly and strangely started to evolve into giggles. The twins looked at her curiously then to each other as those giggles erupted into a loud bout of hysterical laughter.
A park. The kind Tamina remembered playing in when she was in grade school. There was a purple slide that looked like an elephant and two rows of swing sets. Though no children played, Tamina could clearly hear the chatter of children and screeching of playground equipment.
When she felt a tug on the hem of her shirt she looked down. A little girl stood right in front of her. She had no idea how she hadn't seen her before. The girl looked up at her with a sweet smile. As Tamia looked the child over she came to a realization. "Is that me?" She wondered to herself. She recognized the girls distinct dark blue eyes and kinked waves in her hair from pictures of her childhood. Just as this thought came, the child's appearance started to shift. Her hair faded from an blush color to a dark brown, and her eyes turned to honey. Just as Tamina's began to process this, the girl changed again. Her eyes grew darker and darker and her hair turned black.
Suddenly an animalistic shriek. Two shapes darted around Tamina's feet as the commotion grew louder. Wild snarls. Feral shrills. The child screamed in fear and Tamina instinctively grabbed her and pulled her protectively into her arms. It was a black cat and a white dog, she realized, that were causing the commotion. The dog snapped and snarled at the cat as it gave chase while the cat hissed and screeched in retaliation.
"Stop! Stop!" Tamina shouted at them as she clutched the distraught child to her body. "Stop!" She screamed, as if the animals would pay her any mind.
They didn't. They tussled back and forth until it seemed the cat lost strength. It fell, exhausted and defeated to the ground. When it was finally helpless, the dog delivered the final blow, it's teeth finding the cats throat.
"Stop!" Tamina screamed one last time.
Tamina jerked up in bed with a gasp. She looked around and quickly found her bearings in her bedroom. She let out a hard breath, running a hand over her face to calm herself. What kind of awful dream was that? Was she ever going to get some rest tonight?
Once her heartbeat steadied she realized something else had woken her. The twins lay sprawled in her bed, having decided to keep her company for the evening. The cellphone at Mairu's side was buzzing incessantly.
"Mairu..." Tamina gave the twin a light nudge. "Your phone."
Mairu stirred and groaned, feeling around the blankets until she located the device. "Hello?" She answered sleepily. "Yeah..."
Tamina watched curiously, letting out a yawn and rubbing her eyes. Who would be calling this late?
"Oh wow, really?" Mairu asked. "That sucks. Is he gonna die?"
Tamina became more aware with her words, brow growing tight.
"Well, spit on the gash and slap some tape on it. He'll be fine." Then she hung up.
"Who was that?" Tamina asked.
"Some hospital." Mairu said as she settled. "Izaya got himself stabbed."
"What?!" Tamina demanded. "Is he okay?!"
"Probably." The twin said through another long yawn. "You can't kill evil..."
"Mairu!" Tamina shouted, but stopped short when she heard Kururi's phone begin to ring.
Kururi gave a groan of irritation as Tamina jostled her sleepy body trying to locate the phone in the tangled blankets. Once she found it she answered and shoved it to her ear. "Hello?"
"Is this Kururi Oriha-"
"Yes! Yes!" Tamina immediately cut them off. "What happened to Izaya?!"
"He was the victim of an assault. He is in stable but critical condition. He's currently in the ICU at-"
Tamina leaped out of bed to jot down the hospital information.
"Call me a cab!" She hissed back to the twins. "Now!"
All Tamina could think about during the cab ride were the last words she had said to Izaya. How he would be alone in the end. How his past would come back to haunt him and he wouldn't have a single person there. She knew she meant every word of it. His own actions would eventually be his undoing. Still, it hurt so bad to think of him alone and scared. Having her words in his head while he fought for his life.
The moment the cab pulled up to the hospital she shoved herself out the door and rushed for the entrance. "Hey! Hey!" The cab driver called after her.
"Shit!" She hissed to herself, turning and hurrying back toward the cab, rifling impatiently through her bag. "Sorry!" She told the driver and tossed a handful of bills carelessly back inside the vehicle. "Thank you!"
The driver was clearly conflicted as he watched her leave. Should he be angry by the flying cash storm in his car, or pleased by the gratuitous over payment?
The front desk directed Tamina to the intensive care unit. She approached the nurse at the desk there. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Izaya Orihara."
The nurse looked her over. "Are you family? It's past visiting hours..."
"Yes, I'm his sister."
The nurse looked skeptical but the desperation in Tamina's face made her let the issue go. "Room 218." She told her while peeling a paper back on a chart on the desk. "He's stable and should make a full recovery. But he's on a lot of pain medication so he may not be entirely coherent. Try to let him rest." She instructed.
Tamia nodded and made her way down the brightly lit hall. The freshly buffed floors intensified the florescent lights. The air had a certain, sterile smell to it. Like washed bed sheets and bandages. She hadn't anticipated how this place would attack her senses. How distinctly she would remember the last time she was in a place like this. The last time she lost the person closest to her.
When she got to the room, she stood in the doorway for a bit. He was laying in the hospital bed sleeping, the machine at his side beeping every so often while it displayed his vitals. "You idiot." She couldn't help the words escaping her lips as she came to his bedside. "You stupid idiot..."
She pulled a chair close to the bed and sat next to him. He was much paler than usual. No doubt from the blood loss. She pulled the blankets away just a bit to have a closer look at his wound. Beneath his robe, his abdomen was completely bandaged. There was one tiny spot of the clothe that started to show the slightest tint of red. She knew he was strong but to survive an attack like this was impressive, even for him.
Suddenly, Izaya's eyes snapped open with a gasp and he grabbed her roughly.
"Hey!" Tamina immediately tried to calm him. "It's okay! It's me!" She said, her hand coming to hold his face. "It's me..." She said again once he seemed to relax.
He softened under her touch and sunk back into the bed with a hard breath. His eyes found hers and she could see a completely different side of him. Someone far more vulnerable than she had ever known.
"What happened?" He asked in a rasped voice.
"You're in the hospital. You were stabbed..." She explained.
"Am-" He stammered, eyes wandering in disorientation. "Am I dying?"
"No." She assured him. "You're gonna be fine. Just relax."
His face softened. It was such a delicate, vulnerable expression. One she never expected someone like him to wear. "Why did you come?" He asked softly.
"I just.." She hesitated. "I didn't want you to be alone..."
His eyes welled up as if he would cry. Then he laid his head back against the bed and closed them.
"I'm scared to die." He admitted in a slurred voice. "I always have been. But you were right. I was most scared to die alone." He was silent for a short while and she thought he may have fallen asleep again. Just when she was sure, he spoke again. "I love humanity, because if I love it all..." Another short pause. "Then I don't have to think about how no one will ever love me the same way..."
Without thinking, Tamina grabbed his hand and held it tight in hers. She hadn't anticipated how his words would hit her. It was like a knife to the heart. His darkest place. The pain inside shining through. His deepest fears and sadness that no one else in the world knew. His most guarded things, that he handed right over to her. Just like she had done with him so many times before. He was not quite himself, she knew, but that almost made it more sincere. As if he couldn't hide the real feelings as he typically did. Were they truly the only two people in their worlds who could see the deepest parts of each other?
"But here you are..." He suddenly said in a soft, strange chuckle. "That's why I love you most."
She squeezed his hand, feeling her face heat up. He really was like a child... He just wanted to be loved through everything. The good things but especially the bad things too. Irrevocably and unconditionally. He wanted what he had given to her for so long.
"Get some rest, Izaya." She told him softly. She didn't trust herself to say anything else. She wondered if he would even remember if she did in his current state.
He didn't say anything more. He remained still, fingers laced in hers. His breathing soon evened out and she was sure he was completely asleep again.
"Good morning Mr. Orihara."
Izaya opened his eyes and immediately squinted at the brightly fluorescent lit room that he didn't expect.
The nurse approached and began replacing his IV bag. "I'm going to take your vitals now. Can you tell me if you remember anything from last night?"
He thought on it. "I remember walking... and then I was bleeding."
"I'm sorry. You were the victim of an assault. But you're very lucky. No internal damage and a very clean would. You should make a full recovery in no time."
"Is that what happened?" Izaya finally seemed to recall and adopted his typical facade. "Well I guess I'm extremely lucky." He said with a corny smile.
"To think someone could just attack a person in the streets like that. It must have been terrifying."
"Oh yes." He replied. "It was terrifying. I can't believe I was singled out by some lunatic."
The nurse finished taking his vitals and began to leave. "There are a few detectives waiting to have a word with you about the incident. Is it okay if I send them in?"
Izaya suppressed the tension in his brow. He didn't like cops sniffing around his affairs but given the circumstances he likely had little choice. "Of course! Anything to get that monster off the street faster before he attacks another innocent person." He exaggerated.
"Oh!" The nurse seemed to remember. "Your sister was here. She stayed with you all night but she had to leave early this morning." She told him with a smile then continued on her rounds.
Izaya looked curiously. He didn't remember either of his sisters being there. In fact, everything between the attack and now was a big blank. But the more her thought on it, the more he could see Tamina's face in his mind. Or was that just wishful thinking?
Thanks again to everyone who waited for this one! If you could please review/favorite/follow, I'd appreciate it! It keeps the creative juices flowing! See you next time!