Lavender Brown

Albus was returning to his office after a meeting with the Order of the Phoenix. Upon making it to the phoenix statue leading up to his office, Albus was bewildered to see that the spiral staircase had been activated. After climbing up the stairs and into his office, the Hogwarts headmaster saw Harry (recognized by his untidy black hair) leaning back in one of the chairs in front of the desk. The other visitor was a girl with wavy-brown hair and when Dumbledore reached the chair behind his desk and sat down, he saw that the girl was Lavender Brown (one of the Gryffindor girls in the same year as Harry) and she had a maroon leather book tucked underneath an arm.

"Harry, my boy," Dumbledore began scolding. "You're supposed to be at Privet Drive recharging the blood charms."

"What blood charms, headmaster?" asked Harry rhetorically.

"The ones I told you about." said Dumbledore.

"There's something odd anytime I've been at my relatives place," Harry began explaining. "I've never felt any kind of magic there."

"The blood charms aren't meant to be felt within any kind of vicinity." Albus asserted.

"That's a load of dragon shit, professor," snapped Lavender. "Those blood charms you claimed to have cast around Harry's relatives' house would've stopped working almost immediately. That's because they'd beat him, starve him, work him like a slave, and never give him any kind of love or affection."

"And after you told me that prophecy," Harry told the headmaster. "It made me realize that you've been setting me up to be your pawn to make sure it was fulfilled. What's worse was that you didn't ask me to do it, you practically forced me to do it. I refuse to be a pawn in this, I refuse to return to Privet Drive, and I intend to live life on my own terms. Be grateful that I'm not turning into a criminal of some sorts."

"Your safety can only be guaranteed if you return to your family, Harry." said Albus.

"What family?" Harry retorted. "Family doesn't beat up children or treating them like a nobody out of spite. Mum and dad would've been furious to hear about you ignoring their wishes and leaving Sirius to the dogs, and lying to everyone about Sirius being a serial murderer when Peter Pettigrew was the true culprit. The Dursleys will never be family to me and that's that, professor. You can't force a child to call a place home when they don't feel it."

"After I realize how much of a fraud Professor Trelawney is all along," Lavender told Dumbledore in a rather fierce voice. "I started hanging around Harry as much as possible, since he always felt uncomfortable every time Trelawney tried predicting his death. After that turned out to be false for the umpteenth time, I decided to drop the class, as did Harry because he hated it."

For a second, Dumbledore considered using legilimency on Lavender, but she wasn't giving him direct eye contact and Harry refused to do so as well. Not only that, but the headmaster knew that Lavender's parents were both employees at the ministry and he would be in big trouble if they found out about him invading their daughter's mind. So Albus needed to come up with another plan. Then he got a good look at the book and, believing it had everything Lavender learned from Harry, decided it was time to have it confiscated.

"I'm afraid that I need to confiscate that book, Miss Brown." Albus insisted, handing a hand out to gesture for her to do so.

"You mean this book?" Lavender replied as she leaned forward, playing dumb as she handed the book to him. "I don't see why not, there's tons of information you may find useful."

Dumbledore grabbed the book from Lavender as she leaned back in her chair again, unaware that Harry and Lavender began smirking. When the headmaster opened the front cover of the book, the first page stuck it's tongue out and blew a raspberry in the ole coot's face for ten seconds before closing on it's own. Then Dumbledore tried opening the book to the halfway point, only to find a face that had it's eyes closed tightly and sticking it's tongue out at Albus before it closed with such force that the gust blew the headmaster's pointy hat off his head as it also blew in his face. Then Albus opened the front cover again and tried to flip the pages pretty fast, which resulted in him getting engulfed in a cloud of black smoke. Then the book sucked him into the pages before it closed again. Then Dumbledore's phoenix, Fawkes, flew off of his perch and landed in front of Lavender and giving off some soothing trills as if it was asking her something.

"Lav, it seems like Fawkes wants to come with you!" Harry told her in an ecstatic voice.

"Do you wish for me to adopt you, Fawkes?" asked Lavender, who could hardly contain her excitement.

Fawkes trilled as he flapped his wings in an excited tone, so Lavender held an arm out and Fawkes landed on her arm. Harry picked the book up off the desk before he and Lavender left the office. Meanwhile inside the book, Albus looked around and saw that he was surrounded by a countless number of humanoid goats with gray fur. Dumbledore reached into his pocket for the Elder Wand, only to find it gone.

"You must be looking for this, I presume!" a giant gold-fur humanoid goat informed Dumbledore, holding the Elder Wand in it's hand. "I'm holding onto this because we can't have corrupt people such as yourself use something like this in a careless manner, Goat Man. Now's the time to perform your first of indefinite performances for the circus."

Dumbledore was whipped on the back, forcing him to follow the other gray-fur humanoid goats. Albus stopped jogging for a minute, but then the gold-fur humanoid goat used the Elder Wand to cast a powerful stinging hex on the ole coot. Once Albus was out in the middle of the performing tent, he found himself unwillingly forced to perform comical skits for a crowd of all different kinds of humanoid animals for the rest of his days. With Dumbledore finally dealt with, Harry was free from the meddling ole coot breathing down his neck. For once, Harry's luck took a turn for the best.

The End!