And here we are again with another original!
As you can tell from the title, this is going to be similar in nature to the ones with Touma and Index although with another perspective altogether and a different character focus. I won't say much more than that but I do think this is going to be a chapter with a lot of feels (well, I'm going to try and make it such) so for whatever happens in this chapter and whatever emotions you end up feeling, know that I only hope you can come to fully enjoy what I am trying to do with this one-shot.
Whatever the case, let's begin! And that'll happen with the Q & A:
whwsms: Glad you enjoyed last chapter; it was awfully silly if I'm being honest.
craytherlay: Hehehehe; what were the shells of the tank girl last chapter? Something round…located near an 'opening' in the female anatomy. I'll let you put everything else together. I don't even want to know what type of sex demon Lessar would have turned into if she was involved last chapter.
Zatil Hidayah Spensa: Glad to hear you enjoyed it!
Agent Nine: Oh my God; Kanzaki transforming into Touma would have been gold!
WwEpsilonwW: I have no idea what to think of Kanzaki turning into Washing Machine chan. Especially since it would end up attacking Touma. I mean, if the Washing Machine spilled its liquid all over Touma, what would that relate to? I dunno about Tank Girl in Touma's harem though; that would be a lot of trauma right there. I also really love seeing your reactions to the other parts of the BTL series! And no worries on the rambling; part of me feels like the 'sincerity' as you put has retained with Touma because he has retained his 'heart' and also because of how ingrained into his being it would have been: for an impressionable young man, I don't think Touma would have been able to 'easily' overcome what his youth made him experience.
Aminadab Brulle: I'm not too sure whether it's a good thing or a bad ting that you felt it was both funny and terrifying. Thanks for the heads up regarding the British measuring system though; I always felt 'blocks' was just an arbitrary measurement but I guess not!
LoneVirgo98: Hey, I'm glad you ended up having a good laugh about it! That was more than I could ever ask for!
TheDarkPublisher: Hey, thanks for being so understanding with the requests. I usually just pick the one that I like the most, but it's getting there that is the hard thing, especially when I have so much crap on at the moment. But as long as I do the idea you have justice, then that is all I really think I need.
fencer29: The one 'hole' that I found in last chapter was that if you did end up lighting Cigarette Stiyl, would he die? I have no idea and I'm still on the fence about it.
tenryu71: I sort of think I know the one you're talking about when it come to that picture of Kuroko… And are you telling me that Touma was best girl all along?! I knew it!
Rou one: I'm pretty sure the idea that you're asking for is rare, mainly because not many people in the community ended up liking Kamisato as a character. As a result, a lot of people tend to stay as far away from him as possible.
what if: I do sort of remember answering a whole bunch of questions such as the ones you are offering so it's good to see you again after so long! I'm not too sure if these are requests per se, but I'll treat them as questions for now and go from there – if you want to treat them as requests so, please indicate as such next time and I'm happy to see what I can do. 1. In terms of Touma meeting Misaki during the recent turf wars in the Railgun manga, I'm not too sure that would even be possible since it appears that these wars are restricted to School Garden and the Tokiwadai grounds instead of the 'outside'. However, assuming it was possible then I'm not too sure whether it would have a substantial effect; the 'weight' of Touma and Misaki's connection comes with their meeting with Deadlock and their 'slice of life' moments before that so them meeting during the turf wars wouldn't really change much. 2. Had Touma been involved in the Battle Royale arc, then I definitely think that Frenda would not have died. I think this has been covered, but the chances of Frenda dying and/or Mugino going insane would have been severely reduced had Touma been involved. Part of me thinks that had Touma been involved this would also have had flow on effects and had resulted in Hamazura not having as great of a role in the series as he would have given that Touma would taken all of his 'spotlight'. 3. This is sort of hard to answer – if the Amakusa were facing Touma in NT 10, then I sort of feel like it would have had the same sort of structure as when he faced Agnese: he would have broken down their group psychology and then destroyed their will to fight. If, however, you're speaking from the perspective of a straight fight, then Touma would have lost. The Amakusa specialise in group tactics which is something that Touma is historically bad at dealing with. 4. I'm not too sure what you're asking here, but even if Touma went back in time and fought Accelerator, while I think it would be an 'easier' fight in the sense that Touma knows what to be careful of, Accelerator wouldn't be taken out in the first hit. The reason I say this is because Touma hasn't received any 'power ups' per se and hence there's no reason to think he would be able to take on Accelerator in a OHKO. 5. This has sort of already been answered by Kamachi in way; the dragon appears in response to the threat that it is facing and as such, in response to the low level threat of Aureolus, only the dragon would appear. The fish egg one wouldn't though as that only appeared in response to the internal conflict within Touma. 6. Oh, for sure. In fact, I dare say that if Acqua had severed Touma's right arm that more than one dragon would greet him. 7. While I would like to think that Acqua would have a role to play if he was in the castle during NT22R, I also think that he would acknowledge Touma's pride and let him try and deal with his 'other self' himself. Either that or he would have ended up being manipulated by the One Who Purifies Gods and Slays Demons and Shokuhou's power. As such, I don't there would have been a major impact. 8. I mean, if the Magic side harem learned of Touma's usage of magic, I would think they would be more worried than impressed given the backlash. 9. In terms of Touma vs. Tsuchimikado though, there's no way that Touma wins no matter what state he is in (unless he's in a dragon form). Like I mentioned in Point 4, Touma has not received any power ups since we started his journey with him. Tsuchimikado on the other hand is an expert in hand to hand combat as well as fighting with dirty tricks and consequently would curbstomp Touma quite easily. 10. I definite think that it's possible for dragon shell Touma to defeat NT 5 Thor, but at the same time, I can see the battle going the other way as well… 11. Part of me thinks this was covered during GT2, but the kiss wasn't necessarily romantic; in fact, it basically drew Touma close to death. On the one hand I can see all the girls having a fit, because of the dire straits it put him in, I don't think there would be riots or anything. Bonus. I do have a couple where one is a gender bender. I won't give any more details on that. I also have a few more Futures Kaleidoscope chapters in the works too. Bonus II: if there was one villain Touma would have had an easier time beating if he had foreknowledge, then there are multiple: Gabriel in OT 4, Etzali and Oriana for the main examples. The reason I say this is because those enemies had an element of 'mystery' around them, but if you take that out, then Touma would be able to handle them in a surprise attack.
maracle witout: He truly is a "normal" high school boy, isn't he?
And finally, the thanks to you, the reader. There is a lot that happens in these one-shots and while they are stories you can dip into for the sake of it and when you want to, I only hope there are some you truly find to be your favourites and re-read whenever it suits you. For those of you having found yourself here, truly, thank you.
From me though, as we move into another story and another chapter:, I just want to say something now:
Enjoy.
Mr Question Mark.
A Different Sort of Duo. Death_Avoidance.
It was an idea.
Nothing more than that.
But like a cancer, it had grown within Othinus's mind until she could no longer hold back the shame of the concept which fully possessed her being. And with that shame enveloping her, with that poison flooding her mind and with it, the reality of what she needed to do, Othinus had made the choice she knew she had to, but knew she was going to regret all her life.
She made it anyway though.
If only because this was a truer punishment than she ever felt she could face.
The sun beat down on her 15 centimetre form but walking along the ground meant she was barely seen, people either staring straight ahead or focusing on their phones and barely registering her form as they passed her. The former God did not raise her head and stare at the people walking by her and not properly offering their respects to her, only turning her head further down to hide the shame that filled her.
The feelings within her were ones she felt should have been matched by the weather. But instead of it raining to match the tears within her heart, it was sunny, as if to reflect the happiness the world was having for the choice Othinus was making right now. As if the world were rejoicing for Othinus having decided to act in the way she was now.
Unable to properly face the sun, Othinus moved to the side of the sidewalk, walking in the shadows and using it to hide her shameful form. She stared back for an instant, looking back the way she came but bit her lip, knowing that no matter how much she longed for it and no matter how much she knew she did not want to do this, it was the fact she wanted to avoid doing this very action that made doing it have its worth.
Othinus, the girl who had gouged out her eye for the sake of gaining the power of a Magic God, was running away.
Running away from everything she loved and wanted to hold in her hands.
Merely because she knew it was those stained hands that did not deserve what she had been given. They did not deserve to grasp the things she had longed for for so long because of the actions she had committed so that she could grasp those things in the first place.
Once upon a time, there had been a single girl. A girl who had given up everything for a single power and had sought that power to the extent of having to rip out her eye because of how she longed for it. With the effort pushing her, with the determination to reach her goal and with the utter commitment to it, it was obvious what would happen to the girl who sought that goal and the natural conclusion of her holding so much power in her hands was one the girl had flaunted without holding back.
Changing everything to suit her needs, to meet her own selfish desires, the girl known as Othinus had transformed the world…and in it, after changing it so many times had had the image of her distorted to the extent she had been the basis for the original Odin. Of course, with the foolish patriarchal ideals of the history she moulded using her own hands, the idiots of the world had thought it was man and not a woman who had the power to do so and replaced her image with a distorted one and one so many knew so well.
That was to be expected after changing the world so many times that her own image was nothing more than a faded picture; indiscernible and not her own anymore.
But in that distant past, with the power to change anything and everything, Othinus had felt content. After changing the world and going through so many 'models', it was a particular model that Othinus had chosen for herself and let take over that she decided to live in, knowing and thinking that she would be content with the things she had made that she would want to live there for eternity.
With the power of a Magic God running through her, she had created this world, chosen this phase and thrown away her power, content to revel in the creation of the kingdom she had chosen and made with her own two hands.
But, there was a single problem with that. A single problem with the ideal world she had chosen and made for herself.
Othinus, the girl who had everything and had selfishly given in to her own desires, had found herself having nothing. She found herself, with all her perfection and everything she had, with a world she had created with her own two hands, not knowing where she was.
Othinus remembered exactly how that felt. She could feel it even now, the feeling of complete isolation in a place of her own choosing, realising that everything around her was by design and everything she saw being something that was only there because she had wished it to be there.
(There was just emptiness. An endless emptiness. Such unlike that black abyss that was a blank world, that darkness within the world I made was worth less than nothing. No, it had nothing. That…was what I truly felt.)
Even the shade of the sidewalk felt too much for Othinus and she gravitated towards the only place she knew would accept a being like her; the darkness of a nearby alley. She walked into it, feeling the slime and filth underneath her feet and turning up her face…but not uttering a sound of complaint or turning back. Instead, silently and realising that nothing would listen to her cries, she lowered the brim of her witch's hat and pushed forward into the alleyway.
Even still continuing to run away.
Despite being a literal God, she did not place everything in the world as it was. The 'world' had already been designed and what was around her was nothing more than the everchanging Phase she had placed on the world. There were things in the world Othinus had not expected or had not considered arising, this City of Science being one of them.
It was those small mysteries, those things she knew would arise as a matter of course and things she had not 'placed' within the world but existed anyway that were the only things holding her sanity together within the world she had chosen. After experiencing so much pain to reach this very world, the last thing Othinus had expected to find was emptiness.
And while it was not the first thing she experienced when she decided to throw away her powers, it eventually came. It had swarmed her and no matter the mystery and no matter seeing the small fragments of life that should have warmed her heart, the only thing Othinus had felt was nothing but an ice cold feeling.
Despite having everything…
(I had nothing.)
Nothing to call her own. Just a Phase of her own making but nothing to hold in her hands and proudly say was her own. The God who had come down to the earth she had created had looked down upon it…and had felt disappointment. The things she wanted and the things she had desired she had granted herself, but ironically, they were so far from what she really wanted that she had almost laughed at herself for not realising it sooner.
No, what she had really wanted was only revealed to her heart when she had realised just what she had lost.
Being alone, standing in a world of her own making yet finding herself so utterly and ironically isolated, Othinus had stood alone.
And even for a God, even for the person who had thrown away that power upon thinking she had everything, that pain was almost too much to bear.
None could understand her suffering. What did they know? What did they know of ruling over the world and being able to create endlessly, destroy endlessly and hold the literal world in their hands? Othinus had met no one like that and because of it, because of her choice to remodel the world from the one she had originally been born in, she had fallen into a pit of her making, trapping herself within the confines of her own power, doomed to suffer for the choices she had made.
So where could she find it?
Where could she find the place where she did not have to be alone and where she did not have to continue to live in the prison of her own making? Where she could finally be free of the shackles that had bound her?
Ironically, the only place where Othinus had thought that would be was…
(The world I had originally changed. Does cruel irony not know any bounds where it comes to me? After escaping and changing that world, it was that world which I sought at the very, very end.)
So Othinus, with the same determination, the same drive and the same commitment to a goal had once more sought the power she had thrown away. She had sought the power of a Magic God so that she could overwhelm and turn the world once more for the sake of no longer being alone anymore…for the sake of making sure she was understood.
Many had stood in her way in the completion of that task.
Ollerus, Fiamma of the Right, even the world had tried to stop her from curing the poison in her own heart and the prison of her own making.
But in the end, they had all failed.
Leaving her alone with the only person who could restore the world and remove the magic she had placed upon it to create this world right here.
Kamijou Touma.
And his fabled right hand, Imagine Breaker.
Using that right hand, Othinus would have been able to remove the effects of her own magic and achieve the ultimate goal; the restoration of her own world. By using the hopes of all magicians, she would be able to once more grasp the place she had lost and achieve the goal of allowing herself to be freed from this isolation, this torture and to have someone understand her and stand by her side even after everything she had done.
It was a long journey, even if it was circular.
But Othinus was the only one who could make it.
She did not need stowaways…or people who belonged to the world she hated and the world which had cast her out and become a prison of her own making.
The only thing she needed was the right hand of that boy and for him to be silenced so she could live out the life she had restored in peace. But knowing him and everything he stood for, there was no way it was going to be that easy.
So, Othinus hurt Kamijou Touma.
She hurt him just so she could silence him and use the only thing he was good for; his right hand and restoring the world she had once lost. She did not need him in her life and so, she had simply used her powers to attempt to break him so she could trap Imagine Breaker in its own prison and do as she pleased with it. By achieving victory against a single boy, Othinus would have been able to give herself what she had always wanted: freedom and healing of her broken heart that was so alone and without anyone to understand her.
So, Othinus hurt Kamijou Touma.
Again.
And again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
It had truly been infinite.
Days had passed. Then weeks. Then months. Then years upon years upon years.
The two had fought…if it was even to be called that. It was more of a slaughter, Kamijou dying endlessly throughout the years in more and more twisted ways at the hands of Othinus until their final showdown, with the victor obvious.
But despite writing history and despite being the one who had won, Othinus had still felt the same emptiness as she had when she had created this world. No, perhaps in a way, it was worse.
Worse because she had once more given herself everything she had ever wanted and let it slip through her fingers.
Years had passed between the two. Years in which Othinus, to do nothing but torment Kamijou, had shown him times when she had experienced pain to see how he would go through them, even if he had been crushed at the very end of those experiences. She had shown him so many different types of pain that the list was endless but within it, as a side effect of her endless creation, Othinus had done something she had never expected.
As a side effect, she had created what she had always wanted.
She had created someone who had stood on the same stage as her, someone who truly knew her pain and someone who had given her a way out of her own broken heart.
When choosing between her original world where someone like that might have existed and this prison world where she had first felt this isolation and loneliness which housed the person who had liberated herself from those feelings, there was no contest between the two. There was only one choice she had to make between the world that might have had her salvation and the world which did.
She had made her choice.
And she had been saved.
In the process she had lost her height (something that had tormented her again and again) as well as gained a new prison. For the fact she had once been a Magic God, placing her lifespan on the same level as humans was ridiculous so a physical prison was one she would have easily lived through, especially given her size and physical form.
So, for her crimes, the world had given a much crueller type of prison.
And again, it was a cruel irony it was the same type of prison she had once subjected Kamijou Touma to, a prison where he had almost broken.
She was made to live in and watch the world whose smiles she had ripped away herself. She was made to watch on, in the watch of her Warden, Kamijou Touma, as the world she had once destroyed passed her by in its pain and in its happiness. The prison that was to be given to her was one of her own making, one where she was to stay on the sidelines and watch as it passed her by and she lived through it.
But at the same time, there was one problem with that.
(…I was happy.)
The darkness of the alleyway seemed fitting for someone of Othinus's character. She trudged through it, not bothering to avoid the puddles of vile liquid that streamed through it. She held her nose up in disgust but did not even bother recoiling, only moving forward with gritted teeth and clenched fists.
(I was happy. But that was exactly the problem.)
How was this a prison? That had been one of the many thoughts Othinus had as she had lived with her Warden and the other freeloaders within his home: that nun and the monstrous calico Siberian tiger. The normal everyday she had come to know was surely chaotic but at the same time, not an everyday she disliked. It was merely the days she came to know and with the person she wanted above all else by her side.
Kamijou Touma.
Her Understander…and also her human.
Othinus avoided calling anyone else that. The boy who had come to understand her, and him her, had traversed countless hells, doing so to oppose her but had ended up understanding the very depths of her pain. In this sense he was truly, in her opinion, the most human human there was.
Charging forward despite weakness, holding onto whatever naïve thoughts he had of human goodness and optimism despite being the personification of those things, not letting failure take hold of him and let it overwhelm him; if there was anyone else who was a more human human than Kamijou Touma, then Othinus doubted it was even possible. But even with that thinking, there was something else Othinus knew within her heart.
And that was that he was her human.
The only person who had bothered, even if he was forced to, understanding her. The only person who had seen past her veil of arrogance and seen nothing short of a girl crying out for help and wanting to assist her with that pain. The only person who despite when they had been freed of that world should have killed her outright had instead embraced her in the knowledge there was a method of saving her and freeing from the spell that had turned her into this form.
In the time she had been alone, in the time where she had nothing and no one, Kamijou Touma had reached out his hand and grasped hers, pulling her out of the abyss of her own making and bringing her back into the light. He had chosen to reach out and grasp even the hand of the world's greatest villain, showing the world she could be something more than just the evil everyone thought she was.
But more importantly, he had shown the cold hearted Othinus that even in this world which was her prison, there was kindness and light there where she had seen nothing but cruelty and darkness. He had shown her that even in a world where she had had nothing that there was the chance for there to be a warmth to embrace her and a person to be by her side no matter what happened.
That there was a person who would get angry for her and smile for her, understanding her pain and herself as simply a person rather than seeing some threat to the world or a bank of knowledge to use.
She was content just having that boy by her side. She was content knowing he was going to stand by her and never let her go after the lengths he had gone to so he could save her. He would hold her for as long as it took if only because they were connected beyond a mere relationship such as 'being friends' or 'hero and damsel in distress'.
What Kamijou Touma and Othinus had was more than that, much more.
But that was what had made the happiness Othinus felt and the idea that had come into her head all the more painful.
She had been saved by him, there was no mistaking that. And the prison she had been given, one where she was made to watch the smiles of the world go by despite wanting to escape it all, had not felt like a prison at all given she was happy by her Understander's side.
But then the small nugget of that poisonous idea had formed and taken over her entire being.
"Do I, the person who caused him so much pain, even deserve to be a part of this happiness?"
It had been nothing more than that single idea.
But as Othinus had thought about it more and more, the more it grew.
This was different than her thinking she should not be saved. The basis of that line of thinking was the fact she had caused so much pain and it was Kamijou who had burdened himself with all that pain she had caused by saving her. No, she had accepted the fact she had the right to be saved and she was glad it was the case; it had given her what she had now.
But when thinking about it…
Even if she had the right to be saved, did she even have the right to stand by the side of Kamijou Touma and his happiness? Othinus knew what that human's response would be, but the fundamentals behind this issue were not something she could so easily put to the side and ignore.
She had been forgiven.
That was an undeniable fact.
But when looking at what she had done, it was that which was wrong.
In truth, even if it was a cold thing to say, Othinus could have cared less what she did to everyone else in the world. She had destroyed the world and with it, taken the lives of everyone within it. She had systematically erased them from existence and with it, they meant nothing to her. The people on the street, the people she knew and others she had interacted with were all lives she had destroyed with her action of destroying the world.
Seeking forgiveness from them, especially when she had restored them, was pointless when she had already reversed her sins towards them and been redeemed of them at the hands of Kamijou, even if that was selfishly avoiding responsibility.
No, it was a more basic issue she had to consider.
She had an Understander. While Othinus was glad for that and was happy it was the case, the things she had done to Kamijou Touma to achieve that were unspeakable.
It was not just a simple fight to the death. It had been a fight beyond that.
Kamijou had died endlessly, experiencing and understanding Othinus each step of the way but the amount of time and the amount of deaths he had had to experience for it were horrendous. Even in the limited memory Othinus had of the events and even if Othinus knew he had accepted them, she still felt a shiver down her spine when recalling them.
When she was doing it, she had not cared one bit. The only thing she had seen was someone in her way, preventing her from achieving her goal and for that alone, she had sought to erase him, something she did numerous times.
But now they were past that, the horrors and the belated realisation of what she had done made her sick.
To the person who had given her so much, to the person who had saved her, she had done unspeakable things. She had done things she was not worthy of forgiveness for and while the world had crashed down around her and sought her death, it had been the one who should have sought that above anything else who had truly saved her and forgiven her.
Was she worth that?
Happiness she was worth. She was not going to deny that and she was not going to go down that path again.
But forgiveness?
No.
There was something wrong there. She had made a mistake; something had gone wrong and the cruel illusion she was holding onto she could feel crumbling around her even now as she walked through the alleyway and out the other side.
Her crimes against the world were nothing special.
But her crimes against Kamijou Touma were ones she could not forgive herself for nor could she accept it either. For the person who had given her everything, for the most human human there was to reach down and clasp his hand around hers, she did not deserve the forgiveness of such a person. Although what Othinus had done to Kamijou was unspeakable, what Kamijou had done to Othinus by forgiving her was also the same; unspeakable.
Othinus, as Kamijou's Understander, knew it was just how he was.
But could she just rely on that forever? Could she hold onto that kindness for eternity, never facing her crimes and never once facing the fact that what she had done to Kamijou was truly and utterly unforgiveable?
Did Othinus, the person who had caused Kamijou Touma so much pain, even deserve to be by his side, experiencing and being part of his happiness? Even if she had been forgiven for her crimes, did she deserve what she was given? Did she deserve to stand by his side for what she had done, having tortured him and killed him for a seemingly infinite amount of time? Did she deserve to be a part of his happiness when instead of his laugh, she had heard more of his screams?
"…No. I don't. I never did."
The idea had been simple.
But like a cancer, it had grown and infected Othinus in the very depths of her core, causing her endless pain she could not hide. She trembled as she moved back onto the sidewalk, trembling in the shadows all the same as she forced the words out of her mouth.
The true nature of the prison she had been given revealed itself to her in the cruellest way.
Othinus, the one who had been forgiven but could not forgive herself was being shown she could be a part of Kamijou's happiness. And the cruel thing about that was that the happier Othinus made Kamijou, the more the unforgiveable she knew herself to be for the crimes she had committed against him, never being made to face judgment for them given it was only her and him who knew of them.
So, if Kamijou was not going to pass judgment on her for her crimes, then she would do so herself.
And she did so by running away from her Understander, shame filling her as she knew that she could never forgive herself for what she had done to that overwhelming light that had saved her. Where she was running she did not know, the only thing she knew being that she had to distance herself from Kamijou Touma as much as possible for the crimes she had committed against him.
If anything, the mere thought of what she was doing hurt.
It hurt her soul more than she could ever say. Here, she had everything she had ever wanted and yet, she was choosing to throw it away because she could not handle what she had done to him to get what she wanted. Having an Understander had truly saved her…but the lengths she had gone to so she could have it were unspeakable and unforgiveable.
But that was what made it an effective punishment.
She wanted to stay by Kamijou's side. She wanted to see him smile and she wanted to be a part of that smile…but that was just wishful thinking. The mere thought of what she was doing made her tremble given what she was leaving behind and made her want to turn back and run right back to the shoulder that had become her spot, but she knew that this pain, this despair and the hole in her heart was what made this punishment so adequate.
She did not deserve to stand by the side of Kamijou for the infinite hell she had put him through. The forgiveness she was given was not something she deserved for the extent of her crimes and it was likely only one person, when the truth of what she had done was revealed to anyone, who would say she still deserved to be forgiven.
Othinus had hurt Kamijou Touma and she never had been tried for her crimes in that regard.
So now it was time for her to receive her punishment.
"…This is what I deserve."
This was not her running away from seeing the world and how it was going to be happy while moving on. This was just her running away from the one person she knew she could not be beside because of the endless pain she had caused him and how she could not forgive herself to be beside him any longer when she had not been punished for her crimes.
"This is the punishment for the crimes that can never be forgiven."
But even though Othinus knew those words were true…
She could not hide the despair she felt for thinking them and could not hide the shame in knowing she was running away.
But more importantly, she could not hide the pain she felt coursing through her as she turned her back on her Understander, the only person in the world she ever needed, yet was choosing to discard for her own crimes against him.
The weather had turned, although not for the worse. At least, not for the worse for Othinus.
The sudden downpour was unusual this time of year, but it had given Othinus the privacy to move alone. People vacated themselves from the street to get away from the rain, meaning the only figure moving through the wet streets was the small figure of Othinus.
In truth, she did not know where she was going.
When she was full size she had not bothered learning about the boundaries of Academy City but knew that if she moved in a particular direction for long enough, then she would certainly reach the wall and from there, the gate to the outside.
But what then?
Not even she knew and she did not bother planning that far ahead. Her mind was too much of a mess and her thought processes too jumbled to make sense of anything, apart from the one desire she knew she had to go through with although could not bear to think about because of how it crushed her heart.
She did not want this.
But neither had Kamijou Touma wanted to tortured for billions of years.
Any complaint she had she knew was selfish, but she forced them all aside. Her aching heart, the knowledge she was throwing aside everything she wanted and the knowledge she was doing nothing but running away from the pain she was feeling in that she knew she could not be forgiven for her crimes against Kamijou. This was her weakness and the crime she had committed was one such that, even if the world did not know about it and the victim had forgiven her, the perpetrator was the one who would be the one to cast the punishment she so deserved upon herself.
Her head told her what she had to do.
Yet her heart begged her to reconsider. It cried out amidst the rain and with her heart full of shame, Othinus shook her head, knowing this was the only thing she could do to prevent herself from doing something she had seemed to always be doing.
Whether it be through torturing him or being saved by him, Kamijou Touma was always being hurt because of Othinus. And time and time again, he would forgive her for the crimes she did against him.
But Othinus herself would not be able to handle that. At some point, it would go too far and because she had lost herself in the thinking she would never have to suffer for her crimes she would eventually be made to suffer in the greatest way of all. So, to prevent that, to cast herself aside because she knew how great her crimes were, Othinus would throw away the one thing she wanted in this world away to make sure she adequately suffered for what she did.
And part of her hated how well it was working.
The rain seemed endless and given her size, the splashing of the raindrops in a nearby puddle reached her. She did not even bother to bring up a hand to block out the water as it splashed against her, dragging her wet boots and cape through the water.
Something came to her. A single thought that filled her entire being and made her clench her small fists in the quiet streets and want to beat herself for how foolish she had been.
There was something she had not said.
While her running away had been spur of the moment and not something she had bothered writing a note about saying 'Goodbye' or anything, there was something else Othinus had failed to say to Kamijou. No, it was something she had never felt was needed given how she had been forgiven but as Othinus had yet to forgive herself for what she had done, the audacity of what she had failed to say hit her full force.
"…And yet I thought I could stand by the side of that human? With his light? Despite not saying this, I thought I could relish in that kindness when I was lacking it?" Othinus asked herself, shaking her head and stepping forward, forcing herself to move despite realising she wanted to head back right now and tell that human this one thing she had neglected to say.
She didn't want this.
But that was why it was effective as punishment.
The way what Othinus was doing pressed down on her soul, the way it made her knees weak and the edge of her eye feel as though something were to burst from it, the way her entire body trembled just from the thought of it; these were all indications she deserved what she was doing for her crimes.
Othinus saw the corner of the building in front of her, looking up and staring at the wall. No, given her size, it was basically a cliff and the small opening to the side showed the outside world: Tokyo, Japan. Simply moving through the gate of Academy City and into the city beyond would be easy: the guard had moved into the small box, out of the rain and left the entrance wide open for anyone to walk through.
If she had been full size, that would have been a problem.
But given her 15 centimetre form, deciding to abandon Academy City and the one thing she had longed for in this world, the one thing she cared for, was almost too easy. The fact it was such pounded at her soul but Othinus forced herself to grit her teeth and take a step forward.
She hesitated and knew the reason why. The entire chain of events for today had been nothing but hesitation and pain but as she took another step forward, Othinus realised it was once she moved past that gate that she would never be able to go back. Once she crossed this line, the territory she would move into would be such that it would torment her for the rest of her days.
It would be an action she would come to regret with all her life.
Othinus knew that; she was even regretting the thought now. The cancerous idea in her mind threatened to overtake her but with a clenched fist and quivering lip, she forced the words out, if only because she knew this is what she deserved.
"You've done too much already. …And who knows what you are going to do in the future. The crimes you've committed already are ones you cannot be saved from. No, you cannot be saved from them, because if you are, then that human would have suffered for nothing. Forgiveness for my sins…isn't so easily obtained. If at all. So this is my punishment. This is…what I deserve."
Othinus choked up, forcing herself to charge forward but each step taken was smaller than the last. Was she even moving? She could not say but the cold was moving through her and taking hold, the mood she was feeling being perfectly reflected in the weather.
She had to do this.
Because an existence as sick as her had yet to be fully forgiven for her crimes.
It would take a few more steps, but she would reach there. She would reach and complete this punishment for what it was worth and when she did, it would –
"What are you doing, Othinus?"
The voice, a calming and yet also horrible voice, came from behind the small girl. There were no other people in the street so there was no way this was a hallucination. The only thing it could be was the voice of the person Othinus most, and also least, wanted to see.
She trembled in the rain, forcing herself to not look around, if only to make sure she did this properly but her aching heart and the screaming inside of her was more powerful. Shakily and with slow movements, Othinus turned and had to force herself from rushing towards the towering figure over her.
Kamijou Touma was not even panting. The only thing he was doing was standing, looking down at the small form of Othinus, his entire body dripping wet from the rain. Othinus realised with a self-mocking attitude that she had barely moved from the corner of the building despite taking numerous steps. The state of her heart and how it had ruled over her head was obvious. She kept her head down, unable to face Kamijou in the eye for the crimes she had committed against him…or look him in the face to know the face he would be making.
They were both their Understanders after all. There was nothing to be said for their facial expressions given they knew each other so well. The only thing that had to be announced were the words to give light to this situation which was so abnormal.
Othinus though said nothing. Kamijou was the one who spoke, not moving any closer from where he stood, the only other sound in this part of Academy City, near the gate to the world outside, being the rain hitting the ground.
"…Are you leaving?"
The question was simple but the way it stabbed into Othinus's heart was anything but. She felt as though she gasped for air from the way it had been said, the shock of what she planned being said out loud almost too much to bear.
Unable to even let out words, Othinus only nodded.
There was more silence before there came a response.
"Can I ask why?"
The voice speaking was trembling, Othinus standing in the rain and hanging her head. The way the speaker was wavering made her own heart tremble but the only thing she knew she could do was merely hang her head and think of nothing to say. In her own shaky mind though, still facing away from Kamijou, she managed to let out small words.
"I've…I've made a mistake." That was the only way she could describe what she had done and, in her shame, refused to let herself show her face.
"A mistake?" The response felt desperate, as if merely by using words, there would be enough to make Othinus talk and enough to hold onto her own trembling form. "Othinus, for whatever you've done, there's no need for this. For whatever mistake you've made, I'm sure that once we sort it out, there will be enough of a satisfactory conclusion that – "
"Not this time, human. Not this time. The mistake I've made…it isn't something I can push to the side and be satisfied with doing so. It's not a mistake I can so easily be redeemed of, even if there is no mistake in the eyes of anyone else. But even if that is the case, I can't simply push this mistake to the side and be satisfied in that. This mistake…it's one I have yet to be punished for making."
"Othinus, for whatever mistake you think you've made, I'm sure that whoever you did it against, once they see you as you are now and once you talk it out, will forgive you. You're…not like who you once were. You've changed. Even if the crimes you committed are ones you're being punished for, if you think this mistake is one you aren't being punished for, then all you have to do is keep that in mind…and continue the punishment you've been set."
The words and logic behind them were reasonable. Othinus was by no means an innocent person and if this mistake was one she thought she was not being punished over, especially when it was weighing down on her mind, then all she had to do was add it to the large pile of punishments she was already given.
There was no need to run away from Kamijou if that was the case.
But the heart and the pain Othinus knew she was feeling was hardly significant to the pain she had once caused that boy.
And for that alone, she rejected that logic and that reason given to her.
"This isn't something I can merely add to the pile, human." Othinus said with a shake of her head, keeping her eye away from the boy and turning to stare at the gate to the outside. Even now, even with her state of mind, she still called him in the same affectionate way she always did, a habit that had become ingrained in her being. "This mistake, it's not merely something I can add to the pile and be satisfied with settling with my other crimes."
"…And why is that?"
"Because this mistake is not forgivable."
Othinus confessed, speaking once more.
"My other crimes… I have redeemed myself of them. Terrorising the world was solved by being defeated by it. No, by you. Being the leader of GREMLIN was resolved by it bring captured. Being a threat to the world was resolved by me turning into this state. Those mistakes are resolved and the punishment I am receiving now is the for the sake of resolving the many more I made. But this mistake? This one mistake? I can't think of it as being so easily resolved. Especially after what I did."
"You said that…you're the only one who thinks of it as being a mistake right?" asked Kamijou, something in his voice sounding desperate. "If that's the case, then whoever you did this mistake against clearly thinks it's not one. Your guilt isn't something you need to shoulder alone. You don't have to take on this burden, especially when it is so heavy that you're thinking of leaving. You… I don't want you to take on such a burden."
"Human…"
The words of Kamijou threatened to make the prideful Othinus break down there. Being a person who had lived for eons as a Magic God, throwing away her power and then grasping it once again, Othinus had learned to control her emotions for so long and hide her own feelings in the process but like a dam, it wavered in the voice directed to her now. Something within her threatened to break but Othinus stayed silent, refusing to let any sign of emotions come onto her face or through her voice.
"You can tell me about anything. You know that, don't you?" Kamijou asked, refusing to step forward and Othinus refusing to look back anymore.
Her punishment for turning away from the world and its smiles was to live with Kamijou and to watch the boy she understood live out his life with those smiles around him, essentially making him her Warden. And, just like a prison, he was refusing to let the God escape so easily. The wish he had in his words was obvious but Othinus refused to listen to it, closing her eye and speaking once more.
"Not this. I can't talk to you about this despite you being the only person who would get what I mean."
"And why is that?! Othinus, for whatever is troubling you, I can – "
"Because you wouldn't understand!"
Othinus yelled back at the sudden shouting of Kamijou with her own retort, one that, from anyone else would have done little more than sting. But between Kamijou and Othinus, the simple weight of that phrase was beyond painful and rejected the very thing that tied them together. Having spent billions of years as enemies, they had come to an understanding about the other, what they were like and their very essence of who they were.
It went beyond a simple friendship and connected them in a greater way than anyone Kamijou knew, save for perhaps one other person. But in their understanding, the reliance and the faith they placed in the other was unspoken but also incredibly great.
So the idea there was something one did not understand about the other spat on all of that. It spat on the fighting they had went through, the pain Kamijou had experienced, the pain Othinus had experienced in being alone, the connection they now had and, more than anything, it spat on the reliance they had on each other right in this moment.
The kindness and the warmth they looked at each other with…it meant nothing in the face of the words Othinus had just spat out.
The fact Othinus felt Kamijou could not understand this issue after everything they had been through, after even becoming Understanders of the other and what had been gone through to make sure that they were such…
That was the harshest blow she could have ever given him.
Othinus regretted the words the moment she said them. The feeling of isolation and loneliness that had possessed her when she had desired the need to reclaim her powers as a Magic God surged through her being and sank deep, Othinus feeling as though she deserved to be feeling this pain right now. And if this was what she was feeling, then what of Kamijou?
Othinus, for one of the very few moments of her life, felt terrified to even think about turning around. She trembled, feeling a chill race through her not just from the rain. Her mouth trembled, wanting to open and say the words that told Kamijou she did not mean the words she had said given how much she relied on him as her Understander but bit them back.
This pain…this was exactly why running away from Kamijou was an appropriate punishment. This pain she was feeling when even thinking about losing her Understander was beyond anything she had ever felt and it possessed her, taking hold and making her heart ache.
But she withstood it, not bothering to think about why Kamijou was so silent, if only because she knew thinking about it too much would be much too painful.
Much, much too painful.
Refusing to turn and face him or see his expression, Othinus spoke.
"You wouldn't…understand this mistake I made and the feelings I have behind it. You just…wouldn't understand, human. I need to be punished for this mistake. And the punishment I have decided for myself is the one I know will cut the deepest. So it's the one I will take because it suits my mistake perfectly."
Othinus said nothing, attempting to hold herself together. She closed her eye and forced herself to try and stop the trembling of her body but found herself shaking more than she could bear. The silence was the only thing that came through the air and she took that as an internal signal to move forward despite how the action threatened to tear her apart.
But words stopped her.
"…And if I don't want you to go?"
Again, mere words proved to provide a much painful blow than anything she had ever felt possible. Othinus felt her heart stop and she struggled to withstand the blow the words provided. Shaking like a leaf, she opened her mouth to speak but found her words small and lacking in showing her true emotions.
"You're the only one who would want that."
Lies.
"So…you want to go? You want to leave? Because I don't understand this one thing about you? This mistake?"
"…It is the only thing I can think of to correct what only I know to be a problem."
All lies.
"You didn't answer my question, Othinus."
"My actions should be enough to tell you what I really feel."
It was just falsities to try and lessen the burden of the pain she was feeling within her soul.
Othinus was barely able to keep it together in the rain, forcing herself to hold herself to what form of strength she could but finding herself breaking down inside more than she had when she had been hit by Ollerus's Fairy Spell. The hopelessness and loss within the words being directed to her was too much to bear and she trembled in the face of it, biting her lip so hard she could barely contain her own feelings.
She had to though.
It was this pain that made this punishment so effective.
Because she could not forgive herself for harming this boy, she would punish herself for it in the most effective way she knew.
"I don't want those roundabout words, Othinus." And yet, the words of Kamijou, her Understander, came back to her in their piercing form. "I want you to say it. Say you want to leave. Face me Othinus and say those words. Tell me that and then I will let you go. Because unless I hear your heart, I'm not going to let you leave."
"Is that it? The only thing you want me to say?"
"It is."
It was an incredibly easy task.
But amazingly, Othinus could not find the heart or the strength to do it. She did not know if the words Kamijou was trying to make her say would crush her or Kamijou with their strength so the only thing she did was stand there against the building in the rain. It fell around her, the silence between them filled only by the sound of the rain and no matter how much she steeled her heart, Othinus could not let the words out from her mouth. No matter how much she bit down on her lip to make her say them, the mere thought of saying she wanted to leave Kamijou's side stabbed into her viciously.
It was the only way Othinus would be able to continue with the punishment she had set herself. She knew that and it was the only reason she even thought of doing what she did. If this was the task she had to do, no matter how hard it was and no matter how painful it was, she would push through it…if only because she had the goal in front of her she had to reach.
So, with the impossible task in front of her, Othinus turned and faced Kamijou, ready to unleash the words he wanted to hear and the words Othinus had to say.
The rain covered his entire body and he was soaked to the bone. Drops of water came from his spiky hair but despite his overall appearance, the pain on his face from the conversation the two of them had been having was evident. It was curled up, as if he was losing some extremely precious to him, and Othinus felt as though she had a similar expression on her own face as well.
The only other time Othinus had seen a look of pure despair on that boy's face was when she had almost defeated him and achieved victory against him in the Omega World. But in its own way, the expression he was making now made that one pale in comparison.
The sight of him made her immediately want to turn away from him, if only because she did not want to see that despair on his face but she knew she had a task to complete. An impossible task and impossible words she had to say to achieve what she wanted.
Facing her Understander, it was only then that the girl opened her mouth to speak.
"If you're my Understander…"
It was funny.
"…then you should know those words are ones I can't say."
What destroyed the 15 centimetre former Magic God was not some great opponent or some impossible challenge in front of her. It was merely the inability to speak a few words.
Water came down her face as she was forced to face Kamijou although she was unsure if it was the rain or merely the tears she had felt she had forgotten after all this time. She hung her head once more, saying soft words into the air.
"Of course I don't want to leave. The mere thought of what I am doing sickens me. But I am going to do it anyway. Because the punishment for this mistake and the disgust I feel at myself for taking this action is exactly why it matches the mistake I made. This is the punishment I deserve."
"…For your mistake?"
"For my mistake."
There was small silence before Kamijou spoke once again, Othinus barely keeping it together and trying her best to control the emotions within her.
"Then what mistake did I make?"
Othinus felt her heart stop and she found it hard to breathe.
"Because if you leave Othinus, then I can only think of it as punishment. A punishment for something I don't know I have done. You leaving will hurt me. It will hurt me beyond anything I can say, Othinus. What…What did I do to deserve that? I want to…I want to know."
The voice was in pain, that much was clear. But with her head down, Othinus was merely trying to prevent herself from revealing just how much pain she was in from taking those words and that silent attack. Her teeth chattered, her mind swirling but she only took out a few words and their meaning from what Kamijou had said.
Kamijou would be sad if she left. He would be hurt if she left and Othinus would be the reason why he was hurt.
Again.
That reality stabbed into her more than she could say, the words and their meaning being enough to break her completely as she kept her head down in silence. Was there a mistake that Kamijou had made? Was there was a mistake he had made that had led to this?
It was cruel to think of it in this way…but there it was. There was a single mistake Kamijou had made that had led to this situation and even though Othinus did not want to say it, even though the mere thought made her tremble, she knew she could not afford to hide this within her. The dam of emotions was on the verge of breaking and it was that fact that ripped the words from her mouth.
"Your mistake, human? That's obvious, isn't it?"
"?"
"You forgave me."
Those words were enough to make the dam of her emotions smash into a million pieces, letting the flood of everything she had let pent up within herself gushing out.
"After everything I did to you…you forgave me. That was your mistake. After everything I did to you, you chose to throw that all away and choose to embrace me for the person who I am. But the image of me in your mind is not the person I am in reality. And you should know that better than anyone else. I tortured you. Endlessly. In a time period spanning hundreds of billions of years and giving you death and no liberation from it, my mistake was doing something utterly unforgiveable. And yet, despite all that, despite everything I did to you, you decided to forgive me. You did the impossible and you left me with this…this crime over my head that only I realise and only I know to be unforgiveable. Anyone else would have berated and beat me for what I did. In fact, that would be the righteous thing, something I would accept for my crime. My mistake. But you? You did nothing. You forgave me. Leaving me to take things onto my own hands to punish myself."
"For…what?" Kamijou stared at Othinus, shock coming onto his face to replace the pain from before. It changed again, anger now showing itself as he stepped forward. "Why would you think you need to punish yourself? Your crime was against me and no one else. Even if you think someone else has the right to punish you, even if you think you are the only one who can do it as the only two people in that time were you and myself, you have no right. As the victim of your mistake, the only one with the right to punish and hate you is me, Othinus! And I refuse to do that! I forgave you! And I will continue to do so!"
"And this is why you cannot understand. You forgave me…so you will not understand my choice to want to punish myself for the mistake I made against you. The mistake that needs to be punished!"
"You're right. I can't understand this. Othinus, I have accepted the deaths you gave me! There is nothing in my mind that makes you liable for anything that – "
"You accept them? You accept them?! How…How can I possibly believe that?!" Othinus let the scream from her mouth within the rain, staring at her opponent. "I killed you. And I'm talking about some petty conflict and doing it once to show off my power. I did it endlessly merely because I could. Merely because you stood in my way. If I hadn't realised what I did at the very end, it would have continued for trillions of years! And you accept that? Anyone else would have killed me the moment we were freed. Anyone else would have chosen to take my life but you…you saved me! You chose to forgive and save me!"
"…That's not a mistake, Othinus. No matter what anyone else says to me and no matter what you think anyone else in the world would have done, I refuse to let you think of that as a mistake. Anyone else would have struck you down out of anger for what you did to them? Anyone else would have refused to forgive you? …How can you make me think that when doing so resulted in you being saved?!" Kamijou's shout into the air only made Othinus grit her own teeth in frustration as she stepped forward and threw her arm into the air.
"BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID!"
Othinus roared, spitting and letting liquid fly, feeling something warm crawling down her cheek from her eye.
"What I did to you deserves to be hated. It deserves to be punished! And yet…you forgave me. I hurt you. My Understander. The one regret I have despite never wanting to take it back, is that that was what it took. That someone I wanted and longed for this entire time was someone I had to hurt endlessly to get! Even if you are my Understander, forgiving me for my crime? For my mistake? I…I can't understand! I hurt you! So why… Why!?"
Othinus fell to her knees in the wet and cold street, yelling out the words.
"Why don't you hate me?!"
The sobs that followed were ones no one had probably heard from that girl before. The questioning cries coming from the bottom of her heart echoed into the air and were only for the ears of her Understander. There was nothing else to say but only stare at the words unleashed, reflecting on the heart saying them.
This was the core of this incident.
Othinus had done something she deserved to be hated for. She had done it against someone she did not want to lose and that crime, that mistake, she had made was what weighed down on her more than she could ever say. She had done something she deserved to be crucified for and yet, she had been forgiven.
So, with no one to hate her, she had hated herself.
She hated herself for thinking she could be happy with the person she had hurt so much. She hated herself and could not forgive herself for her crimes. If she had been hated by Kamijou, it would have lessened her guilt but as the victim of her crime forgave her, she, being the person who had done an act so evil that in her mind it was impossible to forgive, had refused to forgive herself.
She had hated herself and in her hate knew that the only redemption she could give herself was more pain.
And what better pain than separating herself from the one she had hurt so viciously?
Despite wanting to, Othinus could not escape the shame of her actions. Despite not wanting to, she had decided to abandon her Understander because of her crimes and the selfish acts she had done against him. Her heart, unable to handle the weight of her own crimes when she had done so much yet was impossibly forgiven, had decided to act on itself, cutting into itself for the sake of doing the most harm.
"I killed you over and over! I tortured you for nothing more than my own enjoyment and in the end, being the person I was searching for this entire time, you saved me. You forgave me and left me with my mistakes, with nothing to do with them. It would have been easier if you hated me for them! It would have been easier if I knew I was being punished for the atrocities I committed against you! But I had nothing to do with them and you never said anything about them either! Why…Why did you forgive me!? How did you forgive me when I could not do that to myself despite the results it produced?!"
She barely even heard the footsteps in front of her but did feel the light gripping of her body and the warmth of the hand holding her. The warmth she remembered and the light touch holding her were so calming to her usually but now they were nothing more than the pillar she so loved for forgiving her and accepting her yet also hated for the same reason.
She was lifted up, the hand pressing against Kamijou's chest and wrapping around her to give her his full warmth while speaking at the same time.
"There's no why or how to it Othinus. You were alone and in your pain, there was no one with you. And after winning, after having your victory against me, you decided to restore the world. You gave me everything I wanted, you gave me the chance to be happy once more and yet, you decided to throw yourself away, cast yourself into one of the very hells you showed me. And after braving that, after knowing to my core how terrifying that was, you expected me to forsake you to that? To throw you to that when I wanted to escape from it? When I understood you as well? How can you expect me to do that?"
"B-But I killed you! Again and again and again and – "
"And you brought me back each time. You never went the final stretch…and even though that was out of your desire to destroy me, you ended up giving me the only thing I wanted in the end. You saved me. And I mean that, Othinus. You saved me by bringing back the world you destroyed. How can you expect me to hate the very person who did that?" Kamijou spoke softly, Othinus holding tightly onto the front of his shirt and adding to the wetness of it with tears of her own.
"I forgave you, Othinus, because you deserve to be forgiven. I don't hate you because there's nothing to hate you for. We both got something out of that infinite hell. And even if the memory is painful and even if neither of us want to look back on it, by looking at what we got out of it… It should be obvious why I wouldn't hate you and choose to forgive you. Because I got you out of it, Othinus. …And that's really enough for me to make me realise I could never hate you for anything you did. As long as I have you…then there's no way I would hate you."
The only thing he needed was Othinus, his Understander.
And even though Othinus could barely get words out in her position, having been forgiven and never hated, Othinus clutched tighter onto the shirt of the boy and felt the exact same.
As long as she had her Understander, then there was nothing she would lose and nothing she would think was wrong.
But even if that was the case, there was one thing she had yet to say to this boy who had forgiven her and accepted her that she had failed to say, one thing that would surely allow that girl to cast out the hatred she had for herself for what she had done to her Understander.
Unable to get out lengthy words, Othinus only hoped that within her tears and within the words she was going to say, she would get across what it was that her Understander meant to her.
"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"
For the things Othinus had once done to her Understander, those words were a long time coming. Having already thanked the boy for what he had done to save her, she had never once apologised for the things she had done to him.
But, even though she cried out the words that were a long time coming, they were unnecessary.
There was no need for any more forgiveness when everything was already forgiven.
"…Is my apology – "
"Othinus. I've been running in the rain for a couple of hours, am soaked to the bone, probably going to catch a cold, had my umbrella destroyed, had to deal with something I never thought was an issue until now and now have to carry you through the raining City while chilling wind bites at me. So, when I say your apology is accepted, that I never hated you and that I forgive you, you know I'm telling the truth. If only because I don't want to deal with any more problems for the rest of the day."
"I can't believe you just called the heart of a maiden a problem. You need to do something about that delicacy of yours."
"And you need to do something about keeping problems to yourself!"
"Now that is a perfect example of hypocrisy if I ever heard it."
"What does that mean!?"
Kamijou Touma yelled that out in the middle of the rain, putting his jacket over his head to keep out the rain but given they were already wet and the jacket was dripping water onto them, it did very little to prevent the already soaked people getting any further wet.
Othinus though did not mind whatsoever, sitting on Kamijou's right shoulder and huddling up to his side if only for the warmth he provided her. Her blonde hair tickled his ear, but he did not mind whatsoever as he tried to get into protective cover that took them out of the rain.
For whatever problems the two of them had, it was obvious in how the two of them conversed that they were resolved. The inner hate Othinus had for herself for causing pain to Kamijou had been resolved by Kamijou telling Othinus something she had never realised: that it was because she had already done enough to earn his forgiveness that he gave it to her and that she did not have to hate herself any longer.
And with that gone, there was no reason to seek self-punishment for a mistake she had made. While the two of them had been through a lot, for all intents and purposes, it seemed as though accepting what the two of them had been through was more than enough of a solution, if only because accepting it gave them that realisation that it was that infinite hell that had given them each other.
Through pain, they had achieved understanding. And with that, they had been given an existence that was not their own but so similar to who they were and what they had been through. If only for having an Understander, there was nothing more than the other would want and for that alone, thy were content in not losing themselves on the issues of pain or heartbreak but connection and togetherness.
No longer did thoughts of ridding herself from Kamijou fill her head; there was no reason to continue her trek outside the City.
And because of that, the location she was heading now with Kamijou was the one place she had struggled to find when it had been her by herself.
Home.
She was going home.
The thought of such sent a warmth through her and she rubbed at her puffed up eye, her throat a little bit sore from crying. No, it was not just the thought of where she was going but also who she was going with that brought a small smile onto her face as she looked at the boy carrying her through the rain.
He spotted a place where there was enough cover for him and Othinus, Kamijou racing under it and stopping, seeing the rain come down.
"…I hope the rain stops soon. Otherwise we're going to face a hungry beast when we get home." remarked Kamijou as he stared at the bleak weather, Othinus by his side pulling a face.
"Yes. One for you and one for me."
"I hardly think Sphynx classifies as a hungry beast."
"Speak for yourself when he looks at you with those eyes and sharpens those claws! I shudder at the thought of the punishment I am going to get when I get home for running away."
"Yeah, you were more like a stray cat than Sphynx was in that sense. Although I'm sure Index will give you a piece of her mind when you get back as well."
Othinus winced. Never having realised her own position and how much the other members of the Kamijou Residence cared for her, the awkwardness of coming home came to her in a rather awkward fashion. Having to apologise to them for what she had done was surely going to be awkward but in the silence of the rain, there was only one thing she really had to ask the person by her side.
"Human?"
"Yes?" Kamijou asked, shifting his head slightly to indicate he was listening and giving Othinus a small glance.
"You didn't know what I was feeling did you? The problem I was having in my internal conflict about being forgiven for what I did to you?"
"Of course not. I'm your Understander, not a mind reader. Although, I do have to say that if you ever feel as though something like that is bothering you again…don't keep it to yourself. Please."
There was desperation in the last few words, a silent plea hidden within them and left Othinus with a small sense of reflection and also guilt for what she had done. Nothing compared to the guilt she had felt when she had thought she was not forgiven, she put it to the side and spoke once more, nodding at the same time.
"…I won't. But if you didn't know what I was thinking about, how did you find me? I just left without a word and without any indication of what I was doing. So, how did you do it? I doubt you have a tracking device stuck on me; given my size, it would probably be bigger than I am."
It was the last mystery Othinus had yet to figure out.
When she had left the Kamijou Residence suddenly, she had not given any indication of where she was going or what she was doing. Kamijou's first words when he spotted her would have given her enough of an indication of that and yet, he had managed to find her despite her saying nothing on what she was doing. It confused her and she doubted he was blindly searching the entire City; the District they were in was far away from District 7 so he was not here randomly.
He had known that Othinus was trying to run away. He had known she was going to be going to the gate to the outside.
The only question was how.
Kamijou, with his gaze turned a bit to the side, rose an eyebrow.
"For a God, you sure aren't all-knowing."
"Cheeky remarks will get you bitten."
"Ow! S-Stop that, ch-chewing my earlobe like that really hurts, especially when it's this cold! S-Stop! Gyah!?" Kamijou swatted Othinus's mouth away as she dug into his ear with her teeth (something that was quite erotic in its own way), and she let go as Kamijou lightly brushed his hand against her to get her to stop.
Pouting and folding her arms, Othinus stared with her one eye at Kamijou with a gaze of displeasure.
"Well? How did you do it, human?" she asked with arrogance in her voice. "I doubt someone as stupid as you would have been able to deduce it from something like footprints in the rain."
"Don't be ridiculous." Kamijou said instantly as he pressed down on his ear which was starting to get red from where it was bitten. "This Kamijou-san isn't some sort of massive genius. Besides, I already told you how I did it."
Othinus tilted her head, unsure of what Kamijou was saying. He saw it and flashed her a grin, winking once and shrugging lightly.
"I'm your Understander."
Othinus went wide eyed.
The statement was ridiculous…but at the same time, so true.
Having spent billions of years with her, Kamijou likely understood her thought processes and the way she did things, much in the same way Othinus did him. And yet, simply through that, simply by understanding her, he had managed to deduce something as simple as her actions when she had just left without a word. Just by knowing her and her personality so well, he had managed to figure her out on the very basics of levels.
It wasn't anything complicated such as a tracking device or massive deduction.
He was simply her Understander, knowing and understanding who she was as a girl and understanding what she would do when push came to shove.
It was nothing more than that.
Facing that simple reality, one she had created with her own hands, a reality where the connection between Othinus and Kamijou Touma could not be labelled using words such as 'friends' because of how unique what they had was, Othinus felt a small smile come onto her face at how simple the words were yet how much they explained.
"…Yes. Yes, you are."
Othinus said nothing more, shifting her position so that she leaned against Kamijou's head, the head of the person she knew she would always choose to be her Understander if she ever had to choose. If he found the action upsetting, he said nothing but then again, Othinus had a feeling he was content just with her being by his side.
Much like she was.
Their differences and their problems had been put to the side. They had been resolved and, watching the rain, the two of them merely stood in the cover they had found, not saying anything because nothing needed to be said. There was nothing else they needed, nothing else they desired and the only thing that was enough to comfort them both was the presence of the other by their side.
As Kamijou Touma had said, the only thing he needed was Othinus herself and what she had given him.
Only connection.
The one only shared between two Understanders.
It might not be understood by others watching on.
But for those with that connection, there was more in it than anyone else could say.
And there we have it!
So, what did you think!?
We had a chapter that was solo Touma and Othinus, which it has been a while since we last had it! Somehow, I like really dealing with the connections between the different members of the cast with the main character of Touma so having these scenes where it is just Touma and some other member of the cast is a really enjoyable part of doing fanfics and also, as you can probably tell, is why I do character 'arcs' in ACUL0; it gives me the chance to do one on one interactions.
But this was just one focused on Touma and Othinus.
This chapter was actually pretty tricky even though you have the final product, mainly because it deals with an underlying issue with the relationship between Touma and Othinus that was one I wanted you guys to look at and think that might not have been addressed in its own way in the canon but is resolved here even if you didn't think was an issue. The tricky part then was trying to figure out what issue might arise between Touma and Othinus but is never really strongly dealt with in the canon.
The answer to that of course was the 'origin' story between the two of them in NT 9.
We've had a lot when it comes to NT 9 and the repercussions of what it caused from me but in its own way I felt as though the underlying theme of the deaths Touma has experienced is only briefly touched upon mainly because of how much is unsaid. We know a lot about it, such as the time period that went by and the things Othinus did to Touma, even if they were only hinted at and we know above anything else that Touma forgave Othinus for what she did to him. But in part, one of the things that really gets me a lot is the fact that Touma even managed to do that, something that has been raised a lot by you guys too. So, because of the importance such a thing might have, I made it the focus this time around.
This chapter had Othinus realise the very basics of something: that what she did to Touma is unforgiveable. But because of his nature, the chances of her being punished for it is basically null. So, what she did was turn it around and decide to punish herself…in the worst way possible. I hope that when Othinus decided her punishment was to run away from Touma that you felt a small part of you die inside at how the small girl was choosing to throw away the one thing she was holding onto with both hands. But out of hatred for herself, I felt as though having Othinus do that held a lot of power and was why I chose it as the method of 'hurting' herself.
Why was she forgiven? Did she deserve to be forgiven? How bad is her crime if she is the only one who knows of it? I used these questions and really dug into the mindset of Othinus in a cruel way in the concept of her own self-hate but part of me also wanted to mirror the thinking of Touma in the Omega World where he chooses to throw his life away for his own 'crime' of existing. Othinus in this sense is doing the same thing and I hope that (if you did not notice it before) the parallels between the Omega World Touma and Othinus this chapter really illustrates what Othinus was throwing away when she chose to abandon Touma; her reason for even existing.
But, like is usual for my works, where there is pain, there is catharsis. And that exists here in the words of the person who ultimately forgave Othinus. For Touma, I really felt as though the crimes she committed against him were not ones worth crying over, not only because they were committed against him but also because of how nothing was actually lost. Despite suffering for billions of years, at the very end of the day, what Touma was given was not only what he wanted from the very beginning but also a saviour in his own right and someone who knew and shared his own personal pain Othinus put him through. The things Touma cares about in this is not what was lost or what he was put through but rather the end result where everyone was smiling and everyone was happy: an end result that also needed to include Othinus even despite what she did to him.
So, for Touma, the issue was not the pain and the forgiveness of what Othinus did to him which she hated herself for. But it was the fact she gave him something he could never replace: the world. And in the process, gave him something he wanted to hold onto for everything he had: Othinus herself. How could he hate her when she did so much for him even if what she did beforehand was cruel? When she was suffering and chose to let Touma win, giving him everything he loved back, for that spiky haired boy, how could he just abandon someone who did that and he understood? Knowing his nature, I used these questions and formed the response to Othinus's pain…but what did you think!?
I also used the term 'Sorry' as the basis for the chapter. Instead of Touma being thanked I really felt as though it was closure for the pain Touma had been given that had a lot more weight attached to it and because of that used that and the word 'Sorry' as the keyword for the chapter.
I hope you felt something this chapter. I've said it before but connections between two people where they rely on each other are ones I really love. Is it romantic? Platonic? The types of relationships where that is questioned but at the same time, you can see it doesn't matter to the characters because they have each other are ones I really like such as Touma and Index, and this time, Touma and Othinus. Whether there were any 'shipping' focuses this chapter I left open as usual so take it how it is but I really felt as though focusing a lot more on the pain Othinus would feel for Touma after what she did to him was the focus this time around and emphasises the relationship the two of them have.
After all, the only they need is each other. I hope you guys really felt as though I captured the essence of the relationship between these Understanders and that you really felt what I trying to make you feel this chapter.
And as always,
Review if you please.
And I'll see you when I see you and I won't if I don't.
Somehow, the last lines of Touma and Othinus really hit me despite how simple they were…