authorsnote: two hp updates in two days? and a oneshot? I'm on a rolllll

sorry this update took a lil while, but here it is! I do hope you enjoy, if you did let me know! hell if you didn't let me know! I love comments, providing their not purely hateful (you can sprinkle a little in tho ... jokes, try and be constructive at least bbys)

songrecs: 1 step forward, 3 steps back - olivia rodrigo

Hours later she wakes.

She feels weird. Physically she's sore, her pelvis aches a little and she knows she's feeling the aftereffects of her little dalliance in the library. Her back aches too, and she feels the sting of some scratches at her shoulder blades and spine. Her cheeks flame red at the thought, at the physical after math of her and Tom.

Her and Tom…

Mentally it is a different picture.

Her mind usually works fast but now as she's slept, processed, and had a chance to think, it races.

She'd lost her virginity, lost her virginity to Tom Pevel, Slytherin and probable gang leader, in the library, moaning and writhing against him, as he told her he didn't date, wouldn't date but had invited her on a date all the same. As he'd smirked at her, declaring her his, whilst claiming he didn't do 'that sort of thing'.

Has she actually processed? She's not sure, but the facts keep playing over and over in her mind, as well as some flashes that force themselves past her wall, as she tries to think logically and fails, fails. She's not used to failure; she never likes it.

His hand on her thigh, gripping, tightening, scratching, holding.

His lips at her ear, whispering, 'Mine' his tongue flicking out to touch her neck, his teeth nipping at her collarbone, his lips kissing over her cheek.

His fingers finding her nub, working it, his fingers going inside, pushing in and out, making her writhe, moan, beg, before he'd replaced them with him, all him, inside of her, making her moan all the louder, writhe faster, beg more.

The sting, a slight tinge of it feeling like it was too much before he'd taken her through, her eyes fluttering, spine hitting the wall, little breathy moans leaving her lips, her mind exploding as though filled with fireworks.

And Tom, Tom, moaning against her, his lips on hers, pulling her close, holding her to him.

Fuck.

How is she supposed to think about this logically? How is she supposed to unpack and dissect as she does everything when those images race through her brain?

She tries to think on the facts, that's what she needs to do, that is what she is good at. Facts.

She lost her virginity to Tom.

He is a Slytherin, she a Gryffindor.

He may or may not be trouble (he probably is, no scratch that, he definitely is).

She is going on something akin to a date with him later, though it might not be an actual date, but maybe is.

Facts have never sounded so confusing or difficult. She needs to untangle them, make sense of them, but she doesn't know where to start.

First, she needs to eat, show her face at lunch (a quick tempus charm confirms it's just gone 12), and get ready for the day ahead of her.

Okay.

She's a logical person, and she knows lunch comes first. See her friends, try, and act normally, absolutely do not look over at the Slytherin table and go from there. Yes, she can do that, and at least it gives her something to do, something to force her out of bed for the day.

Because, staying in bed, thinking of Tom, his hands, his lips, a horrible shot of guilt at what they'd done, they could have been caught! What would her friends think? It's all horribly confusing, and she needs something else to do. If she stays here, she'll fluctuate between guilty, flushed and pleased.

Lunch it is.

But first, a shower, which she spends far too long in, then clothes, which scrape against the scratches she has (too hard to reach to heal), and press against her centre, eliciting a little groan from her, yes she's sore. Then she makes her way down the stairs, hair bushy as ever, wand in hand, mind not fully present.

Lunch, lunch is what comes next, as she thinks, as she processes, as she tries to realise what to do next.

Her mind hurts from the conflict in it – does Tom feel for her as she does him? Is she a horrible, dirty traitor for being with him? Do they have a label – boyfriend, girlfriend, friends, lovers? (She cringes at the last one). What are they? Is this a date or not? What would Harry and Ron say?

Yes, her head hurts, it buzzes as though full and she forces herself to focus, to pull on her Weasley jumper, grab a Gryffindor scarf (she thinks it's Harry's), and make her way to the Great Hall.

She won't look over at him, absolutely not, but she will meet him later, for whatever it is they plan to do, for whatever they are, for whatever Tom is to her, and she to him.

'You're mine'

'Yours'

But what does that mean?

The Gryffindor table is busy as she arrives, as is the Great Hall. She breaks her own resolution two seconds in, to glance over to see him sat with the Slytherin's, all eating and joking together. Thankfully he doesn't see her look and she quickly drop her gaze and hurries to join her friends, thankful he can't see her pining after him, because (she thinks sadly) he certainly isn't pining after her.

She knows he must like her, right? But he isn't hit as hard as she is, that's easy to figure out.

She joins her friends, who she's been ignoring, and she feels that twinge of guilt but forces a smile as she drops down next to Harry, opposite Ron, and Ginny. She aches still but manages to hide any discomfort as she reaches for some pie and pours herself a tall glass of pumpkin juice.

"Everything okay?" Harry mutters to her and her just nods. She feels a bit better having Harry in on her secret, he is like her brother, lying to him felt unnatural. She wishes she could tell her other friends, but she knows they'll be far more judgemental than Harry and she doesn't need that right now.

She barely knows how she feels about whatever this thing she has with Tom is, she doesn't need to try explain, justify or defend it, not yet.

"Fine" She says, with a small smile, because what else can she say with everyone else present? Harry knows yes, and she trusts Harry more than anyone to keep her secrets, but everyone else? For now she can't even think about the headache of trying to tell them, never mind how they'd react.

Lunch went on then, conversation resumed, everything was normal (except for the glances Harry kept shooting at her), and she picked at her food. She managed to resist the urge to look over at his table, knowing she'd see him soon, though her stomach was squirming throughout.

She was still struggling to contemplate (and that was a horribly foreign feeling to her), what she had done. Part of her wanted to squeal with happiness, to remember the explosive pleasure Tom had pulled from her, to smile at his admission, romantic or not, it had been something. The other part of her was nervous, disappointed that he didn't 'date', and worried; he was a Slytherin after all, part of the pureblood elitist group, was she a traitor?

All of these thoughts swirled incessantly around her head, leaving her more confused than ever. She didn't know which to settle on, and all too soon her friends were jumping out of their seats, heading back to the Common Room to work on homework, her in tow, but silent at the back of the group.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She lifted her head, not realising Harry had pulled back, and she managed to give her best friend a smile, that he'd look out for her so.

"Yes" She said with a nod, and at Harry's raised eyebrow she rolled her eyes, feeling a little surer of herself for some reason, "Just complicated, very complicated"

"No doubt" He fired back, and she laughed a little then, before looping her arm through his. It was easier now she could talk to Harry, even if not about specifics, but the thoughts kept swirling in her mind.

She'd never felt less sure about things, and that was most unsettling of all.

"When are you going to get a less complicated love life?" She said, wanting to street the conversation away from her and back to her best friend, as they strolled towards the common room. "It'd be nice to gossip about your romantic problems"

She resisted the urge to giggle as his cheeks went very red, she felt even that would be too cruel. Besides, she was hardly one to mock over another person's love life, hers was fucked up enough as it was, she had no leg to stand on.

"Hopefully no time soon" Harry said with a shudder, and then he managed something akin to a smirk, "You know I like a boring life"

At that she did giggle and followed him into the common room where Ron was waiting with a pleading look. She did manage a good-natured ruffle of his hair, finding all of those feelings that had once been a crush long gone, as she sat down with her two best friends to do some homework (and yes, she looked over Ron's).

As she combed through difficult Arithmancy equations, corrected Ron's Potions essay and Harry's Charms, and listened to the boys discuss some Quidditch manoeuvre she'd never heard of, it was the most uncomplicated part of her day.

The complications came later.

Dinner was easier than lunch, she found some tension leaving her shoulders, some ease as she picked at her stew. She managed to smile a bit more, joke a little, relax some.

Until it started to close down, and she slightly turned her gaze to the Slytherin table, just in time to see Tom making his way out.

She tries to be subtle as she stands up, excuses herself, the library always her best excuse. They all nod except Harry, who she knows has caught her, but her sheepish smile has him rolling his eyes and turning back to Ron, and she knows she's off the hook. She knows she doesn't approve, but has accepted it, as he usually does her decisions. She can't blame his lack of approval; she barely approves of it herself.

It's all dreadfully confusing with Tom, she shouldn't like him, for a plethora of reasons, but she does, she knows she does, she can't help it. Almost like she's under a spell, and yet it's all too real for that.

It's real to her, she just feels the constant worry that she's far deeper in than Tom.

But then she remembers his words, as she hurries out of the hall to follow him, five minutes behind.

'You're mine, make no mistake'

She does manage a smile as she thinks of that, as she wraps her jumper tighter around herself, annoyed she forgot a scarf, it is Scottish winter, but a warming charm will have to do.

She walks fast as well, which helps warm her up, Tom is nowhere to be seen, if she hadn't memorised Hogwarts A History, she'd think he apparated. But no, he must just be fast. She is too, soon freezing even with repeated warming charms, she hopes they're not outside for long.

She isn't sure what they'll be doing but as disconcerting as it is, she trusts Tom, she really does. She knows he'd never hurt her.

Well … at least not put her in any harm's way. She knows he may very well hurt her and break her heart, in fact the logical part of her thinks it's likely he will, and she should get out now before he can.

For once though she's not guided by logic.

But she knows she'll be safe with Tom (at least physically, mentally or emotionally she can't be sure), and she has her wand in hand and is perfectly capable of looking after herself if need be. Still, she feels some worry as she approaches the forest line, where Tom asked her to meet him, she knows what lurks in there, and has no desire to run into any trouble there.

She shivers a little as she looks at the clump of trees, from here they look innocent, just another forest maybe running with deer and rabbits and the cute kind of things you'd find in the woods next to her house, here though she knows that's not the case. No deer or cute little bunnies here, no, unless you counted Centaurs as deer (which you shouldn't unless you wanted an arrow to the eye), and bunnies had likely been gobbled up by Hagrid's favourite pets or whatever she had been lucky enough to not encounter in his classes.

Stomping her feet, she once again regretted not bringing a scarf or jacket and felt a twinge of annoyance at having being made to wait.

"Oh, come on" She jumped as she heard his voice, full of smugness at scaring her. She offered him a glare as she whipped around to face him then, but her features softened as he approached her.

Her cheeks are red even, regardless of the cold, the last time she saw him…

Touches, kisses, lips, hands, moans, whimpers.

'Mine'

'Yours'

Yes, her cheeks are flaming.

She still doesn't know what to make of what they did, whether it was right or wrong, good or bad, but now, stood with Tom in front of her, handsome, arrogant, intelligent, smug Tom, any thought that it might have been wrong or stupid is chased from her mind.

Oh, what he does to her.

"I'm not late" He carried on, as though reading her mind, perhaps he just reads her well. That has to be it, she knows even he's not capable of Legilimency, smart as he is there has to be something that is beyond him. "And you need to get better at warming charms"

"I am very good at them thank you" She huffs, casting another that warms the air a little but Scottish winter is serious, though as Tom silently casts his she does feel a trickle of warmth, she won't thank him though, he doesn't deserve it.

"Here" He says, smug and gleeful in it as always, she watches as he unwinds his scarf and wraps it around her neck, it is toasty, perhaps he's charmed it with a warming charm, in fact he must have as it seems to warm her whole body, even though it's Slytherin green she can't help but smile.

"Thanks" She says, suddenly a little shy, which she hates. She isn't shy around anyone else, but Tom makes her nervous, he knows it too, probably does it on purpose.

She expects him to mock her, but is pleasantly surprised as he leans in, capturing her lips in a kiss, dragging his tongue over her bottom lip before biting it gently, a little gasp of pleasure leaving her lips as he does so.

He smirks, though it's closer to a smile as he pulls back, and then he holds his hand out for her, and she finds herself grinning. He really does have an effect on her that no one else does, she tries not to question it too much, and instead slips her hand into his.

She likes to see him smile more, it's not quite devoid of arrogance but it's the only time she's seen him look moderately sincere. Everyone else gets arrogance or a sneer and glare, she gets something close to genuine, she'll take it. Is she special?

It's easier with Tom not to overthink things, at least she won't until she's back in her dorm, and then she won't be able to help it. Sometimes she wishes she didn't constantly over analyse anything, but then she wouldn't be Hermione Granger if she didn't.

She likes who she is, and she thinks Tom does too, and that's good enough for her.

"Where are we going?" She asks, though she knows the answer. Tom isn't the type to take her to Madam Proudfoots (thank god), or even somewhere like the Three Broomsticks, she knows that. Still, even as he nods to the clump of trees, she feels she might prefer the fussy, awful tearoom. IS the Forbidden Forest really a date?

"Don't worry" He says, and she jumps a little as she realises how close he's got, his gloved hands entwined with hers, his body next to her. As she turns to face him, his face is close enough to brush her nose with his, even though he's got some height on her. "I'd never let anything hurt you"

"Really?" She asks, she hates it for sounding so weak, she can take care of herself, so she isn't sure why she asks.

"I promise" She feels warmer then, not just her skin, but inside her, her heart. That's the kindest thing he's said to her, and his expression is no longer smug, but fierce, fiercely genuine, and she knows then, believes it, truly believes that Tom will never let anything hurt her, never. She feels almost overwhelmed, and stumbles before she manages to speak up.

"I'd never let anything hurt you" She's blushing she knows but she doesn't break her gaze, she holds it steady, she wants him to know she means it, "I'd protect you" She manages a little smile then, "Not that you need it"

"Neither do you" He acknowledges, and her smile grows wider, she likes that, that he's so keen on her intelligence, her ability, few boys are, they focus on looks first and foremost, the fact Tom recognises and admires her smarts makes her want to throw herself at him. "But it's nice to know is it not?"

"It is" She says, and then he smiles again, really smiles, there's only a hint of smugness there, and she is grinning too. She thinks this might be the nicest conversation they've had, and the best.

"So, the forest?" She asks, turning back. She doesn't notice Tom's gaze linger on her for a second, before he turns to face the seemingly innocent entrance to the magical forest filled with things that could and will kill them in seconds. She's not sure what he wants to do here, but she still feels nervous, regardless of his promise. She certainly believes him, but she's not sure even he can protect her from a hoard of Centaurs or an Acromantula nest.

"You'll like it" He seems back to himself then, smugger as he looks at her, sincerity long gone, but she'll remember the glimpse of it forever, "Trust me"

"I do" She says it before she can think, she's not one to usually do that, that's more Ron's style, but for some reason she's mimicking her best friend now in having no filter. She's even redder she's sure, but she commits, "I really do"

She didn't expect him to be sincere again, she's glad she didn't as she'd be disappointed. Instead his grin only grows, and he turns back to the trees before tugging her forwards, and as he pulls her into the greenery he says just one word.

"Good"

Is it?

sooo thoughts?

next comes the forest!

I know hermione is being quite introspective, but girls mind is ALL over the place, she needs to try and process! not much space for it, and is that possibly toms plan? we'll see!

I do hope you enjoyed, let me know if you did, as said above I love all comments, providing they have some construction to them, no mindless hate or meanness pls, if you have a criticism I'll hear it! but con crit only!

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