A massive blast fired at close range, though it took slightly longer than usual for Tsukiko to recognize it. By the time the firework exploded in a haze of purple and gold overhead, she was fully caught up and already anticipating the next. Not like explosions were much of a surprise on New Year's Eve.

Beside her, Emi whooped with the rest of the Kontori clan at the display. "Light another, Kaa-san!" she shouted to her mother, who was manning the fireworks.

Tsukiko rolled her eyes again and took a sip from her third glass of sake, savoring it for more than just the warmth it brought in the chilly night. Imagine that, she thought, a holiday spent with family that actually wanted your company. What a concept.

Don't be bitter, her Zanpaku-to said in response, his voice even. Open your heart.

Only when you tell me the rest of your name, Tsukiko told him. It had been a month since they'd made first contact, but the only syllable of his name her Zanpaku-to had managed to convey was "Ki." She failed to consider this progress a victory.

Swigging more of her drink, Tsukiko jumped down from where she sat at the edge of the engawa, her feet crunching into a patch of snow that hadn't yet melted. She proceeded along the garden's edge, holding onto the engawa for balance.

More crunching from behind preceded Emi snatching her arm. "Hey, c'mon, kid," she said, her words nearly drowned out by more fireworks as she pulled Tsukiko into the garden proper. "This is supposed to be a fun night. Don't let life get in the way right now."

"Can't be helped," Tsukiko said. She glanced into her cup and frowned at the mere sip left.

Emi sighed, her warm breath steaming. "Alright, then let's play therapist." She cleared her throat and adopted a steady, clinical tone. "Do tell, Hokutan-san, are you still nursing a broken heart over your breakup with Lieutenant Abarai?"

"It wasn't a breakup," Tsukiko snapped, though she instantly regretted it. "Sorry."

"All's forgiven. But if it wasn't a breakup, then what are you calling it? You two might not have been official, but I mean, you were exclusive. I doubt Lieutenant Blueballs was if he so readily blamed you for getting caught."

Tsukiko squeezed her hand around the cup; that was not quite what had happened, but it was what she'd told Emi. "Doesn't matter," she mumbled. "I got too invested too early on. That's all."

Emi scoffed. "Doesn't mean it didn't mess you up any less." She gestured to the sky, which was clouded with smoke and cold. "Look, the new year's right around the corner, and what's but a single pineapple-shaped fish in the sea?"

The source of the bomb that blew up everything I know, Tsukiko answered.

Let her help you, Ki said. Goodness knows you won't let me do it.

One useless therapist at a time, please.

Emi turned them back toward the group but didn't walk further. "I'm sorry, Tsukiko," she said. She waited for another pair of fireworks to color the sky. "I know it sucks."

Tsukiko downed the last of her sake and looked away from Emi. "That's an understatement."

"But hey, you're not alone," she said cheerfully. "We've all been heartbroken. Hell, I'm always heartbroken."

Tsukiko closed her eyes. "Don't—"

"I mean, how could I not be knowing that I'll never be Captain Kuchiki's first wife?"

Tsukiko's stomach churned, and it was not from the sake.

"Though I guess I should be happy I'll be his second wife. With all your lessons, maybe he'll even adopt you. I promise to be a good stepmother—"

"Shut up!" Tsukiko shouted, her words accented by another eruption of fireworks. "You're not going to be his second wife, and you're not going to adopt me!" She began to march in a crooked line back toward the house.

Emi ran after her. "I'm sorry!" she said. "Let me make it—"

"Don't you dare!" Tsukiko spun around with a glare, swaying as she caught her balance. "If one more person apologizes to me, I'm going to kill something."

Emi froze. Tsukiko found and held her gaze; there was something behind her expression.

"What?" Tsukiko demanded. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Emi blinked once. "Are you threatened by me?" she asked.

"Wha—threatened?"

"Yeah. Because you have me as competition." Emi smirked. "You have a crush on the captain, don't you? Got a thing for power, do ya?"

Of all the possible reactions, Tsukiko least expected herself to laugh. And it wasn't a quiet chuff, but a hearty, hiccupping guffaw that concluded only when she remembered why the comparison wasn't a compliment. Tossing her now empty cup at the engawa, where it shattered, Tsukiko pinned her eyes on Emi with a sneer. "You say I have a crush on Captain Kuchiki?" she said slowly.

Emi watched her carefully. "Yes…."

"Look at me and say that again."

Whatever humor was left in Emi's expression was fading. "You're not making sense—"

"Look at my black hair, Emi. Look at my gray eyes. Look at everything."

Emi looked. At everything.

Before she could catch the look on Emi's face, Tsukiko turned her back to her. "You were right," she mumbled as excited shouts preceded another firework launch. "He wasn't just training me. He's my father."

She left within the span of a firework.

Tsukiko squinted into the frigid darkness as she sped back to headquarters. I suppose you don't have anything reassuring to say? she asked Ki.

I do, but something tells me you won't hear it, he said.

Tsukiko rolled her eyes; it was stupid to even ask him. So much for your Zanpaku-to being the closest friend you'd ever have.

Soon after, she landed back in the Squad Six courtyard, stumbling as she did. She regained just enough of her bearings to burst from the chilly night into the warm hall toward the barracks. Muffled music and laughter filled the passageway, marking the party the few squad members who had nowhere else to go had thrown themselves on the final evening of the year. Tsukiko's lip curled at the thought of joining them. There was only one thing she wanted to join, and that was her mouth to a fresh bottle of sake.

As if working independent of the rest of her body, Tsukiko's feet slid down the hall toward the kitchens. Squad Six was certainly not the place for drunkards and partiers, but that didn't keep the squad from housing its own stash of alcohol for the occasional nightcap or poor decision.

Which is this? Ki asked, sounding amused.

Both, Tsukiko said, turning a corner—only to gasp as she collided right into an almost bare chest lined with jagged black tattoos.

"Oh shit!" Renji said, grabbing Tsukiko's arm as she began to fall backward. She did not resist, but nor did she meet his eye once she was upright again. She didn't trust herself not to ogle the tattoos that zigzagged across his skin.

"Uh, be careful," Renji said, his eyes wide. His hair was loose, and he was wearing a loose, flowery robe that he attempted to close over his chest, but his hand fumbled, as if it were operating a notch slower than the rest of the world. In his other, he held a full bottle of sake.

Tsukiko bowed her head slowly, but when she opened her mouth to respond, she didn't know what to say. Funny meeting you here? Nice robe?

"Hello," perhaps?"

Not helping.

"You're not out at a party or sum'n?" Renji said. His words were mildly slurred.

"Not like you are," she mumbled.

Renji's cheeks colored. "Can we talk?" he blurted out. "In my room. F-for privacy." He awkwardly held out the sake bottle. "We can have a drink, if you want."

Despite herself, Tsukiko let out a short laugh. "You mean have another drink."

A small smile dared to form on Renji's lips. "Another, then. Just one?"

Just one drink. That's all they, she, needed.

Moments later, they were sitting on the floor in Renji's room, gulping sake straight from the bottle. After the initial burn, Renji cleared his throat. "Seriously, no parties?" he asked.

Tsukiko rolled her eyes. "I haven't exactly been in a social mood lately." She reached for the sake bottle. Okay, so maybe two drinks.

Renji looked away. "Tsukiko," he said, his voice low, "I'm really sorry for what happened."

"Truth had to come out at some point," Tsukiko said, raising the bottle to her lips again. "You just helped it along."

"That's still not fair to you."

She shook her head. "Just…." She sighed and handed the bottle to Renji. But whatever she'd already drunk forced words from her mouth. "All my life, I thought I didn't have a family. Classic Rukongai story, you know the drill." She hiccupped. "Most people would be elated to learn they do actually have a family, especially a friggin' powerful one, but now I don't want one at all. Let me be just Hokutan Tsukiko the—hic—orphan again." She looked at Renji, daring him to speak.

But Renji wasn't looking at her. He was staring at the bottle in his hands, his fingers tightening and loosening around the glass. Thinking.

She let him.

Drawing in a deep breath, Renji at last looked at her. "I don't even know where to start," he admitted. "I wanna do this right, but—okay, what do you want to hear?"

"How generous," Tsukiko said, rolling her eyes. "How about you just have—hic—your say, but you answer two questions first?"

Renji nodded, eager to please.

"First," she said, dipping her chin, "did you know I didn't know about the captain? Because I didn't. Not a thing." She hiccupped. "And second, why was your first reaction to hurt me when you found out?"

Immediately Renji pulled from the sake bottle, but he was slow to set it back down. Maybe the move hadn't entirely been for the liquid courage. "There's no good way to say it, so I'll just—I didn't actually know." He winced mildly. "But Ichika told me you did, and she was doing it pretty aggressively. She was…also hitting where she knew it would hurt. So I…told myself you knew."

So he really did want to hurt her. To throw away the budding relationship they knew they shouldn't have started in the first place but didn't have the heart to trash. Gods, she was stupid.

"So you—hic—told me and brought my world down. Why?" She snatched the sake from Renji.

Renji swallowed. "L-like I said, Ichika was hitting where it hurt. Long story short, it's weird with me and the Kuchiki family. You saw it that day at the manor. I'm hardly welcome in a house I used to live in." He scoffed. "Like the divorce was my fault."

Tsukiko gulped more sake. "You were—hic—saying?" she said.

He exhaled. "So I wanted to get back at the Kuchiki family and convinced myself you were one of them. It didn't matter if you knew or were kicked out or whatever the truth is—"

"Ichika didn't tell you?"

Renji shook his head. "She didn't know either. She only said that the cap'n was trying to bring you back into the family or sum'n."

She let out a low exhale. "I guess that's it…."

"I didn't know." Renji closed his eyes. "Tsukiko, I can't even begin to understand what I did to you, but it was stupid and harsh." He opened his eyes before bowing his head to her, his head nearly lolling from their drink. "I am really, truly sorry."

Tsukiko took her time watching this display, lengthened as it was by her downing a sip of sake, then another, and then a third. The alcohol burned her throat and made her eyes water, but it was better than tears.

"Well," she said at last, causing Renji's head to jerk up, "I still don't understand the need to hurt someone so severely, but I do appreciate your honesty." She hiccupped loudly.

Renji shifted uncomfortably before reaching for the sake bottle. She gave it to him.

After a few sips of his own, Renji looked to her with weary eyes. "I'm glad we had this conversation," he slurred quietly.

"What makes you think it's over?" Tsukiko said, an eyebrow raised.

Renji winced. "Sorry…."

Tsukiko rolled her eyes. "No way I'm leaving the conversation there. I might as well try to reestablish a decent relationship with my superiors…." She sighed. "But yeah. Good luck—hic—getting me to forget what you did, but maybe I'll forgive you out of loyalty to who I thought you were."

Renji took another sip of sake. "If that is how you find closure," he said, "then I'm glad you found it." His tone was bitter but matter-of-fact in his acceptance.

And that opened a space in Tsukiko's chest. It was begging to be filled, but deciding with what could wait. But she would not forget it.

Tsukiko held her hand out for the sake bottle. "Y'know," she said, "despite everything, I think you and I can—hic—still relate to each other."

"How so?"

"We both know what it's like to be screwed over by a Kuchiki."

Renji scoffed. "Damn straight."

Tsukiko drank deeply from the bottle, which was half empty. She set it between them, then shifted laboriously to face Renji. "How did Ichika find out in the—hic—first place?"

Renji shrugged. "Said she overheard the captain and dickhead talking."

"Dickhead being...?"

"Kurosaki."

"Ch." Tsukiko looked away. Yeah, she really was stupid. Language like that and clearly the man wasn't over his marriage falling apart. It would be a while longer before he made room for another.

"Don't say that," Renji said sharply.

Tsukiko flinched. "What?"

You were monologuing, Ki answered quickly.

Her face began to burn. "Well, not like I said anything wrong."

Offense crossed Renji's face. "You don't know that. I just let someone else make a decision for me—"

"No, you used that other person as an excuse," Tsukiko said with a bitter smile. "Kinda makes sense, taking your kid's side—"

"Don't bring Ichika into this."

"Fine, fine, but can you see why I feel like I can't trust you?" Tsukiko's eyes narrowed.

Renji snatched up the sake bottle and glared at the wall as he took a mighty swig. "I get it. I thought I'd left some crap behind, but—"

"Address it, stupid," Tsukiko said, reaching out a hand for the bottle; she missed by several inches and, losing her balance, slammed into Renji's arm. She cursed under her breath as she slid up his side back into a sitting position, swatting his hand away when he offered it. "You don't leave wounds behind so they—hic—fester. Everyone in this fucking squad does that…."

"Don't tell me how to—"

"Yeah, because you're doing such a good job on your own!" Tsukiko shouted. "Because of your shit, I got to—"

"And what about your shit?" Renji fired back. "Wasn't me who kick you out of the Kuchiki family!"

"But it's your fault he had to tell me! The captain was wrong to keep the truth from me, but you didn't even let him tell me himself…." Her volume abruptly died, swallowing itself back down, and her eyes were suddenly stinging without the aid of sake. No, no, she wasn't crying. She couldn't.

Tsukiko turned away from Renji, her loose hand messily wiping at her eyes. "Y'know," she said slowly, willing her voice not to break, "I really did like you, Renji. Even without the—hic—rule breaking and whatever." She shook her head. "Why was I so stupid?" She grabbed the sake bottle and took a great sip.

As soon as she set the bottle back down, Renji took it himself and lifted it to his own lips. He winced as the alcohol went down, though his only response to that was to drink more. His face turning red, he finally set the bottle back down, nearly dropping it.

"You weren't stupid," he slurred.

Tsukiko rolled her eyes. "Yeah I was."

Renji shook his head. "No, I…I was." He hiccupped. "Maybe it was best things ended then."

"Of course you say that!" Tsukiko yelled, turning back to him. "It's a fucking relief for you!" She grabbed for the bottle, but her sake-loosened hand only found empty air. "Yet he dares say—hic—that I'm not stupid for thinking he valued whatever the hell we were—"

"You think I didn't?" Renji shouted. "I did value it, I was just weak! I told you! Now let that be my problem—"

"You made it mine!" She took all of two deep breaths, Renji watching her wide-eyed, and pushed on. "Don't you get it, you stupid jerk? You dragged me into your mess and now I have both it and—hic—mine to deal with." Again her eyes began to burn, and she looked away, around the room, from the messy futon, to the dead plant on the windowsill, to the child's drawing taped to the side of the dusty, disorganized bookshelf. In the upper right corner of the page was a yellow, semicircular sun, under which stood two human figures with rabbit ears holding hands. The shorter of the two had black, sweeping bangs cutting down the center of its forehead, while the taller had an unmistakable red braid. They both wore leporine smiles.

Slowly, Tsukiko turned back to Renji. He'd followed her gaze and was looking at the picture as well, his jasper eyes low and sad.

May I speak? Ki asked quietly.

Tsukiko mentally shrugged.

You said it yourself before—you both know what it's like to be screwed over by a Kuchiki. That is all.

A kind of warm began to spread in Tsukiko's chest, finding a home in the space that had opened there earlier. The amount of alcohol in her system only gave her the sensation, not its label, but it was…enough.

Clearly her throat, Tsukiko said, "I never thought my first visit to—hic—your room would turn out like this."

Renji shook his head as he returned his gaze to her, his eyes slow. "Neither did I." With an uncoordinated hand, he moved his hair over his shoulder, where it came to rest loosely on his chest. If his robe was open before, it was nearly off his shoulders now, revealing even more of his tattoos. They were certainly not new, but the black ink still contrasted enough with his skin and hair that they were stark as night.

Tsukiko shifted closer to him, eyeing his tattoos the entire time. Unsteadily, she held a hand in front of Renji's chest. If the ink was night, then her hand was a pale patch of tree branches glowing in the moonlight.

Renji watched her hand. "What're you doing?"

Tsukiko blinked once, watching her hand waver in front of her. "I'm…" she began to say. What was she doing? "I'm understanding you."

"Understanding me?" Renji glanced at his chest, hardly bothering to close his robe. "Uh, yeah, I have tattoos, I guess?"

"And shit to deal with," Tsukiko said, her hand finally collapsing onto Renji's chest; he didn't move away. "I'll let you—hic—do that, but if you need a hand…." She lightly scratched her nails against his skin.

She nearly pulled her hand back when Renji let out what sounded like a scoff, but then it happened again, and again, and she realized that Renji was laughing.

"Heh," she said with a smirk. "Yeah, i-if you need a 'hand'…."

They were now both laughing, except "laughing" was no longer the right term. They were practically shrieking, gasping for breath over a shitty, coincidental pun. Their laughter only renewed when the pressure on her diaphragm caused Tsukiko to belch loudly.

Once they were actually calmed down, Tsukiko leaned heavily on Renji's shoulder, giving into his support. She drunkenly slapped her hand against his chest again, but this time, she eased it into his hair, running her hands through the smooth strands.

Renji sighed and moved an arm around her waist. "I really wish things had—hic—ended differently," he said quietly.

Tsukiko nodded. "Me too," she said. But then she paused, her hand still in his hair. What did Emi say what felt like a thousand years ago? Something about fun? Yeah, whatever it was, it was something about fun. Fun sounded nice. "Y'know," she continued, "we have time—hic— to end things differently."

"We do?" She felt Renji look down at her.

"Last night before the new year," Tsukiko said, moving her hand from Renji's hair to the sake bottle.

Renji nodded slowly as she took a large gulp of sake. "Y-yeah," he said. "It would be like a reset or sum'n." He reached for the bottle and drank deeply.

Handing off the bottle only served to free her hand so she could trace his tattoos with a finger. "Just our little secret, a truce," she said.

"I would hope so." He pulled her with him onto the floor. "I'm already chained to my desk for two more months."

"Not like I'm gonna go running to the captain." Tsukiko pushed his robe off of his shoulders through the curtain of red hair.

His hands pulled at the knot of her obi before untying his own robe, revealing more tattoos and a white fundoshi. "I'm still your lieutenant," he said.

Tsukiko paused as she tossed off her uniform. "…Don't worry about that."

Renji frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I'm…leaving. I think I have to after this. Yeah, I'm leaving."

Jasper eyes flashed.

"By the way, do I have your yes?"

Again Renji's eyes flashed, but there was no doubting the decision in them. Setting his hands on her hips, he said, "I don't think I even have protection."

"IUD and I—hic—don't sleep with dirty people."

"Same."

"You have an IUD?"

"And a uterus," Renji said with a smirk as he swayed over her.

Tsukiko smirked back before pressing her lips to his. She was instantly intoxicated by the sake on his breath, the warmth of his face, his arms wrapped around her and hers wrapped around him. Yes, he had been the catalyst to her world crumbling down, all to hurt her, but he was something else before that, and he was someone else now. They both were. None of this was their fault. They were victims to an institution that didn't care about them or their lives, just the results they could produce.

Nothing quite like producing the unexpected.

Tsukiko went rigid at the thought and gripped his wrists. "Not like this," she said.

Renji nodded. "Right, futon's right there—"

"No." Tsukiko found his jasper gaze. "You've fucked with me plenty. The least you can do is let me be on top."

A knowing smirk grew on Renji's face, and Tsukiko pushed him onto his back.

Somewhere in the resulting frenzy, as she shuddered and moaned atop her lieutenant's grinding hips, an annoyed voice echoed in the back of Tsukiko's mind.

You're going to wake up the whole barracks, Ki warned.

Don't care.

A sense of disapproval overcame her. Maybe learn to obey a prince, just this once….

Prince? Ch, you hardly have a name, never mind a title. Remember, Ki, I'm a goddamn Kuchiki. I'm untouchable….

Tsukiko wouldn't remember thinking that, especially not after Renji's roving hands at her breasts reminded her of a far more important matter. But Ki would.