NOTE: Yup, double upload. Doing this because I want the episode 59 to be special.
Enjoy and Review!
Chapter 81: Opening Serumonies
(cut to an announcement, trailer style and epic music)
COMMUNITY ANNOUNCER: A challenge from a monster...
PERFECT CELL: I'm making an *announcement*!
CA: A promise from a hero...
MR SATAN: I'm gonna squash you... like the bug. You. Are.
CA: In one ring... to decide it all.
"Woah! This sounds kinda epic!" Romeo perked up.
PERFECT CELL: (from far away) Are you filming up there?
"Yes, they are," Happy answered.
(Epic music turns into rock music and the background turns green)
CA: Join us as it all comes together... AT THE #CELLGAMES! ONLY ON ZTV! With your boy, Jimmy Firecracker, reporting live on-site, as the mighty Mister Satan, takes on the sinister Cell, in a no-holds-barred fight, for the fate of the world!
"Is...is this being treated as some sort of wrestling match?" Jellal questioned, baffled.
"If there's one thing I know about people, is that they love making a stupid spectale out of something horrifiying," Lucy sweat dropped.
(cut to Goku and Chi-Chi's house with Chi-Chi and Ox King watching the announcement on the TV)
CA: (from the TV) Will it be humanity's last stand!?
(cut to Kame House with Chiaotzu, Master Roshi, Puar, and Oolong watching the same announcement on TV)
CA: Or will the devil get his due!? (cut to King Furry and his guards watching the same announcement)
"There's no way Cell's gonna win! Goku's gonna give him the beating of a lifetime!" Natsu punched his palm.
(cut green background)
CA: Find out this Sunday at the Cell Games! (music stops) Presented by HETAP.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Goku's house, military music starts playing, then cuts to Goku getting ready inside)
GOKU: (singing) Got my wristbands on and my boots are tied, gonna get my friends and fight a bug guy Doo-doo-doo-today is fighting day' (music stops)
"I love fighting day! It's the day that I get to punch things!" Natsu exclaimed.
"But, Natsu, isn't that everyday for you?" Happy reminded him.
"Heck yeah, buddy!"
CHI-CHI: (runs out of the house) Goku!
GOKU: Hey, Chi-Chi! You comin' with?
CHI-CHI: What? No! I... (sighs) Look, you already died once. I can take that. I can make peace with that. You're a fighter, and to be honest... it's why I fell in love with you. But Gohan? Not Gohan, not our baby boy.
Erza felt her heart go out to them. For them this was the first heart to heart that Chi-Chi has had with Goku that didn't involve yelling. The woman has been left behind constantly while her husband and son go off to face threats that could kill them, and have almost killed them. Hopefully by the end of this, they'd get to be a happy family and live a peaceful life.
GOKU: Chi-Chi, come on, don't be like that.
CHI-CHI: (disappointed) Goku.
GOKU: If Gohan dies, that means the world's doomed anyways, so what will it matter?
Erza had to resist every other urge in her body to break a skeletal system in half. She felt a hand be placed on her shoulder. She turned to see Jellal's comforting gaze, and allowed her body to relax.
Natsu was feeling thankful for whatever Gods were looking out for him today. He felt like a massive bullet had just stopped from hitting him.
Mira on the other hand wanted to smash Goku's face in at the moment.
(Ox King and Chi-Chi stare at Goku in shock)
GOKU: Okay, for the record, we know that I'm not great at this.
"Work on it, then!" Mira yelled
GOKU: But you know what I'm good at?
CHI-CHI: Leaving?
GOKU: Fighting! (runs and pops out)
"Honestly he's pretty good at BOTH of those things," Levy muttered.
CHI-CHI: (grunts)
OX KING: Maybe I'll get lucky, and Cell and him would just kill each other.
"HUH!?" Everyone did a double take. That shit came out of NOWHERE.
CHI-CHI: (high-pitched) DADDY!
OX KING: Sweetie, I can only afford to support two Saiyan mouths, and you've got a bun in the oven.
"That's...kinda understandable, just not the wishing for someone's death part," Kagura winced.
(cut to The Lookout with Future Trunks, Gohan, Piccolo, Dende, Mr. Popo, and Krillin. Goku pops in.)
GOKU: Hey guys! Ha-ha, y'all ready for the- (looks at their faces of worry) for, for the... tournament. Wow, did someone die? Oh gosh, where's Yamcha?
"That's the second time you made a guess that one of your friends died. The first time being Krillin," Freed said.
"I think he's pretty justified in worrying about Yamcha. Considering how Yamcha died in Trunks' timeline…" Levy reminded everyone. The reminder of Yamcha's suicide left a very awkward feeling into the guild.
KRILLIN: Nobody's dead!
PICCOLO: Yet.
GOKU: Then why are you all so glum chums? Come on, today's Fightin' Day!
"Yeah! This is no time to be sad! There's a bug that deserves to get its ass kicked!" Natsu yelled.
"You and Goku are the only ones who are so excited about the possible end of the world," Gray sweat dropped.
KRILLIN: Goku, last time I fought Cell, he basically Tambourine'd me.
"Who?" Levy asked for the millionth time.
PICCOLO: And he's gone through two transformations since we fought so...still trying to come to terms on that one, really.
"Yeah, you fused with Kami and everything! You were kicking Cell's butt too!" Lisanna said.
"Piccolo fought like a real man, but Cell's absorption proved to be too much," Elfman grimaced.
KRILLIN: Long story short: We're basically just going for moral support.
"You gave it everything you had. Just leave it all to Goku!" Wendy didn't want them to feel useless. Everyone tried their best to stop Cell, but with Goku everything should be okay!
GOKU: Oh, I know. But I'm just so excited guys! I finally get to *punch him*! Right in his handsome face!
"I still wouldn't call Cell handsome. More grotesque if anything," Minerva described.
PICCOLO: Why do you keep calling him handsome?
GOKU: Because that jawline don't lie, and neither do I. Now let's go, I don't want nobody getting a swing at Cell before me.
KRILLIN: Ah, sure. Like anyone else would be dumb enough to show up…
"Well…"
(cut to the Cell Games arena, with two reporters on a plateau, and Cell in the middle of the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Jimmy Firecracker here, live on the Cell Games, presented by HETAP...because apparently nobody else could take this job, but don't worry about me, because Jimmy Firecrack corn, and he don't give a f*ck! He'll take any job, he'll take every job, he'll take *your* job! And speaking of jobs...nobody else is here yet. Will Jimmy Firecracker have to get in that ring!? Does Jimmy Firecracker gotta come down there and *slap* that perfect jawline!?
"Why do you keep bringing up Cell's jawline!?" Minerva questioned.
"I also don't recommend going into that ring. Cell will kill you," Yukino added.
(Mr. Satan pulls up in his car to the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (offscreen) It looks like Cell has saved the wrath of Jimmy Firecracker as his first opponent has arrived. (onscreen) I'm receiving words that. This. Is. Him. Folks. (offscreen, Mr. Satan gets out of his car) The man, the legend, the winner of the 24th Martial Arts Tournament, Mr. Satan!
"Can't wait to watch this idiot die," Laxus rolled his eyes.
PERFECT CELL: Maybe shouldn't have made this an open invite.
"After all of the guys that showed up prior to this, you're just now realizing this?" Gajeel asks.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (offscreen) The champ has stepped up into the ring. Better update that TV-PG to TV-MA, cause you're about to see a full-blown massacre!
"Well...you're not wrong," Bickslow chuckled darkly.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (Mr. Satan tells the news reporters to come over) Wait, what this? (onscreen) The Champ is calling us down. Come on, Larry! What do I always say?
(Jimmy and Larry run over to the arena)
LARRY: (while running) Where there's smoke, there's firecracker, Sir!
(camera zooms in on Mr. Satan and Cell)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (offscreen) YER. GODDANG. RIGHT!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan, sir! What do you have to say to your adoring public?
MR. SATAN: First, to all the kids at home. (Puts cape over chest) Do *not* recreate the violence you are about to see.
"I will," Minerva shrugged.
(cut to a town watching Mr. Satan give his speech, they start cheering)
MR. SATAN: (from the tv) Unless you buy the new *MR. SATAN ACTION FIGURE*! ON SALE NOW IN STORES EVERYWHERE!
"Oh! Should I get one, Carla!?"
"Of course not!"
(cut back to the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And why, Mr. Satan, have you come here today?
MR. SATAN: Well, aside from being sponsored by HETAP,
"Is everyone sponsored by HETAP!?" Levy questioned.
MR. SATAN: (cut back to the town cheering) Mr. Satan never backs down from a challenge, not when it comes to evil, (cut back to the arena) vile, wretched, contemptible, (cut to the town cheering) wicked, monstrous... (cut back to the arena)
PERFECT CELL: (while talking over Mr. Satan who is saying "...inhuman, dishonorable...") Definitely shouldn't have made this an open invite.
"You never should've broadcasted it," Sting said.
MR. SATAN: Nefarious!
(cut to Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Krillin, Future Trunks flying, and a few feet ahead, Yamcha and Tenshinhan)
GOHAN: Oh, hey! It's Tenshinhan and Yamcha!
GOKU: (stops) Hiya guys! How you doin'?
(Future Trunks, Krillin, Gohan, and Piccolo stop next to them)
TIEN: Just heading to the arena. Vegeta passed us earlier; flipped us off. So that was a good way to start the morning.
"That's exactly how I greet Salamander every morning," Gajeel said.
Natsu wasn't even upset. "That's true, that is how he greets me."
YAMCHA: Yeah, but we totally flipped him off back.
TIEN: *I* flipped him off back. You just waved and laughed nervously.
"Exactly why Tri-clops is my favorite!" Minerva grinned.
"And why Yamcha is my least favorite," Gajeel added.
YAMCHA: Look, I don't have your mutually-sustained hate boner for the guy, OK!
TIEN: I don't have a *hate* boner for him.
"It's a pretty big hate boner," Gajeel refuted.
YAMCHA: Dude, it's a pretty hateful boner.
(cut to the arena, Mr. Satan is still talking)
MR. SATAN: (offscreen) ...Baneful, Iniquitous, Execrable... Villain. Like. You.
"He was still going!?" Minerva gaped.
(town cheers)
MR. SATAN: Now what do you have to say to *that*!?
(Cell stays silent)
"Honestly, the loud mouth isn't worth the breath," Lily sighed.
MR. SATAN: (mockingly) Oh, what's the matter? Satan got your tongue?
PERFECT CELL: (seriously) Are you sure about this?
MR. SATAN: (mockingly) Speak up, bug-boy!
PERFECT CELL: You look like an extra from a budget porno flick. The kind where *everyone* gets tested afterwards, even the cameraman.
"DAMN!"
MR. SATAN: (surprised) Oh... um, you're-
PERFECT CELL: Did they find you in the subway? Were you homeless? Did you get your start in bum fights?
"You know Cell's annoyed when it starts belittling your very existence," Bickslow said.
MR. SATAN: (nervously) This is getting oddly personal...
PERFECT CELL: Do you have any actual friends? Any relationships at *all*, that aren't about your money or your position?
MR. SATAN: ...I have a daughter.
"Oh, that poor orphan," Minerva genuinely meant that.
PERFECT CELL: (mockingly) Oh, that poor orphan.
"Don't say the same thing as me!" Minerva yelled at Cell.
MR. SATAN: (worried) Can we- can we cut to commercial?
(Vegeta lands in the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Another man has just touched down at the arena! Uh-uh, sir! Are you looking to take on the terrifying Perfect Cell?
"No, he's already had his shot," Levy shook her head.
VEGETA: Get that mic out of my face, before I give you a colonoscopy with your camera.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (worried) Message received, violent stranger! (runs behind the cameraman Larry)
"The first smart choice these people have made so far," Freed said.
PERFECT CELL: (mockingly) Answer the question, Prince! Do you plan to take me on? Because I'm ready to throw down when you are, buddy. Come on, let's toss you through a mountain or five for old times sake. The old silent treatment, is it? Don't tell me you came all the way out here, just to stand around and look mean! (chuckles) Oh, I see, you took my advice, (Vegeta grunts) you're waiting for-
"Vegeta is having a lot of self control right now," Rogue noticed.
"The very first time in his life," Gajeel added.
ANDROID 16: (offscreen) Goku!
PERFECT CELL: Hmm?
(16 lands)
"16!" Wendy bounced in her seat.
PERFECT CELL: My dear Android 16! How wonderful for you to join us today! Are you here for-
ANDROID 16: Goku!
PERFECT CELL: Of course! Your little murder crush.
"Isn't Goku also your murder crush?" Gray asked.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And another mysterious stranger has appeared from thin air! Where do these people keep coming from, and who does their hair!?
MR. SATAN: Obviously, they're just hidin' behind rocks, waiting to make their dramatic entrances, and usin' cranes and wires, to make it look like they're flyin'. Similar to the practical efects we used in (town cheering) Skygina II: Mr. Satan vs Dr. Boy-Man, in theatres Friday!
"What? That's...that's the stupidest thing ever!" Levy complained. "Who in their right mind would believe a lie like that!?"
(back at the arena)
PERFECT CELL: Will you be participating in the games as well, 16? Or, are you just going to sit on the sidelines like the Prince over here?
VEGETA: (grunts)
ANDROID 16: GOKU!
"Oh, that's right! He's finally going to meet Goku!" Levy realized.
"No wonder 16's so happy right now!" Wendy yelled, happy.
"Should we really be happy about that?" Lucy questioned.
PERFECT CELL: OK, are you seriously, just gonna say his name, over and over?
ANDROID 16: HE IS HERE!
(Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Future Trunks, Krillin, Tien, and Yamcha fly toward the arena)
PERFECT CELL: Hmm?
(Goku, Gohan, Future Trunks, Tien, Yamcha, Piccolo, and Krillin land in the arena)
"Now THAT is a perfect shot!" Romeo whistled.
PERFECT CELL: And our roster is complete. I hope this day finds you well, Son Goku.
GOKU: Slept a little weird on my arm, but, yeah.
PERFECT CELL: I see you brought the whole gang along to witness our battle! Piccolo, Trunks... Tenshinhan.
"He's still salty about those Kiko-hos," Gajeel chuckled.
TIEN: (mockingly) Kiko-how you doin'?
PERFECT CELL: Perfect. And Yamcha! What a surprise! How's it going man?
YAMCHA: Oh! Uh, good. I brought towels and water bottles.
"Yamcha found a way to help that didn't involve having to fight. Good for him," Lisanna smiled.
PERFECT CELL: And like that, you've already contributed more than Vegeta.
ANDROID 16: Hello, little duckling.
KRILLIN: He-hey, 16! Looks like they fixed up your dome real nice, huh buddy?
ANDROID 16: Indeed, I am now operating at 100% efficiency. And for some reason, I registered 10 kilograms lighter.
"Oh, right, they removed his bomb. Why wouldn't they tell him that?" Levy wondered.
"Maybe they felt it wasn't necessary," Kagura assumed.
KRILLIN: Good on you, buddy, you look great.
GOKU: Oh, hi! I'm Son Goku! Who are you? (stretches out hand)
(16 looks at him and starts singing: Foreigner - I Have Waited So Long and doesn't shake his hand)
The mages all laughed at 16's inner song, after everything 16 has been through he's finally found the man of his desires. But, 16 can't exactly kill Goku yet.
GOKU: (whispers to Krillin) This guy's intense.
"No, he's just happy!" Wendy disagreed.
MR. SATAN: Yeah, uh, I get paid for every second I'm on camera, so if we could just-
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (to Goku) Excuse me, sir! Are you or any of your freakish looking friends participating in the tournament today?
"The only freakish thing here is that guy's afro," Minerva insulted.
"Hey! Don't diss the afro!" Natsu barked.
GOKU: Oh, yeah! I'mma go punch that Cell a lot! In fact, if you don't mind, I'mma gun go do that right now!
"Hell yeah!" Sting and Natsu yelled.
MR. SATAN: OK, enough! (pushes Jimmy away)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: F*ck!
MR. SATAN: I am not playing second fiddle, to a bunch of gym rats, with too much time on their hands! *I* am the World Martial Arts Champion! And *I* will be the one to defeat Cell!
"You are nothing more than a glorified dumbass," Laxus rolled his eyes.
GOKU: (gasps) There was a tournament? You won a tournament? I won a tournament! That means he's even stronger than Krillin!
"Woah-wait, why Krillin?" Gray asked.
KRILLIN: Wait, hold u- uh, why me specifically?
GOKU: Dangit, and I really wanted a turn! Oh well, I guess we'll just have to let the champ handle it.
"Are you serious?" Yukino blinked. "IS he serious!?" She turned to everyone else.
"If you're still shocked at his stupidity at this point, then I have nothing to say," Gajeel shrugged.
"If it means that I get to watch that dumbass Mr. Satan eat shit, then I'm fine with it," Minerva shrugged.
"Let's just hope that Goku doesn't do anything like this again," Lucy told Yukino.
PICCOLO: Are you for real right now?
GOKU: Yeah, he's the champ! He's got this.
PICCOLO: I can't tell if he's serious, and that's very concerning.
Yeah, we still aren't sure when he's serious or not," Erza sighed.
MR SATAN: Good! Now that we have rank all sorted out, I think it's about time I teach Cell, where he falls! Specifically at my feet, when *I*, Mr. Satan, end this little freak show, once and for-
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: (offscreen from a helicopter) Hope y'all ready to get down and dirty with the three hottest stars from the Y Network!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: What's this? New challengers from the bitter rivals of ZTV!
"I couldn't care any less right now," Laxus groaned.
MR. SATAN: (bitterly) Like we don't have enough knuckleheads hoggin' ma' spotlight!
PIIZA: (offscreen) Comin' to you live from the Cell Games Arena. It's Piiza!
PIROSHKI: (offscreen) Piroshki!
CARONI: (offscreen) And Caroni!
(Cell fires a ki blast at the helicopter)
CARONI: (offscreen) And we are...
(Helicopter gets blown up, and everybody is surprised, Cell smirks)
There were some miffed faces at Cell killing those people, but nobody made any outwards protests about what just happened. They'll be brought back with the Dragon Balls.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: (shocked) Did- did those people just die?
MR. SATAN: Pfft, don't be an idiot Jimmy. Obviously, that was just an unmanned remote-control cargo robot with a voice record- (one of the bodies falls in front of him) AND FILLED WITH FAKE CADAVERS FOR ADDED EFFECT! I'll give 'em points for effort though.
"YOU ARE SO GODDAMN STUPID!"
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan ain't no one's fool!
"He's EVERYONE'S fool!" Minerva yelled.
GOKU: Go champ!
"And you're a bigger dumbass!" Everyone yelled.
(Mr. Satan breaks a rock with his head)
KRILLIN: If we're lucky, it'll be that quick with this Satan guy, uh?
GOHAN: Krillin, people are dying, and we're just watching.
"At least my little Gohan still has some sense left," Mira sighed.
KRILLIN: Yep!
MR. SATAN: Now, Cell... if that is your real name...
PERFECT CELL: It's actually *Perfect* Cell.
"Mr. Perfect Cell," Happy corrected.
MR. SATAN: IT'S ACTUALLY GARBAGE! And Mr. Satan's gonna take out the trash.
PERFECT CELL: Wait, you were serious!? You're actually gonna fight!? I thought you were just somebody's hype-man.
MR. SATAN: I AM THE HYPE!
VEGETA: KILL HIM!
Everyone burst into a fit of laughter at Vegeta's own cocky ass remark coming back to bite him in the ass.
"That was one that I didn't expect to return," Levy wheezed.
MR. SATAN: Now, try to get this on camera, Gary!
LARRY THE CAMERAMAN: (offscreen) La- Larry!
MR. SATAN: Cause I'm gonna end this in a single blow, and it's gonna be: FASTER THAN LIGHT! SATAN PUUUUNCH!
(Mr. Satan throws a punch at Cell, blocks it and throws him into a plateau, Mr. Satan slides down)
Minerva fell into another large fit of laughter while everyone else just sighed, already knowing the outcome of that "Fight".
(There's silence and the scene cuts to the town that was cheering, which stopped cheering)
RANDOM DUDE: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
"Not if Goku has anything to say about it!" Natsu declared.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
"DON'T END IT NOW!"
[STINGER]
(cut to 16 finishing singing I Have Waited So Long by Foreigner)
"His voice is so beautiful!" Wendy clapped her hands.
ANDROID 16: HELLO, MY NAME IS 16, MAY I PLEASE KILL YOU?
GOKU: (to Krillin) Hold on. (to 16) What'd ya say!?
ANDROID 16: (looks the other way) Nothing. (starts humming)
"Aw! He's embarrassed!" Mira and Wendy giggled.
"HURRY UP AND START THE NEXT EPISODE!" Natsu roared, his excitement growing too large.
"Don't worry, I'm starting it!" Mira responded.
Chapter End