Disclaimer: I do not own the Fate franchise it belongs to Kinoko Nasu and Type-Moon.
Everything and Nothing
Chapter 5
Sakura's apartment turned out to be in a large skyscraper in the heart of London, vaguely ziggurat-like with the upper floors growing narrower as they rose higher into the sky. From what she could see, if Rin were to guess, about halfway up, the floors shrank in width by about a fourth, and then again, another halfway up to the metallic spire crowning the building. Abstract mosaics made from gold and copper ran up the spines of the building's faces, spotlights on the ground and halfway levels shining up and down their length.
The façade featured floor-to-ceiling windows in stained glass looking out onto the street, and more mosaics made up the see-through frames around the entrance. Uniformed attendants opened the doors as Rin and Sakura approached, bowing them through as they entered the foyer. As they stepped through, Rin held back a whistle, instead turning on her feet to view the foyer in all its grandeur.
A great crystal chandelier hung from the frescoed ceiling overhead, depicting Alexander the Great's triumphant entry into Babylon in the aftermath of the Battle of Gaugamela. Most of the foyer's light came from the chandelier, the rest provided by crystal lamps set into the walls at even intervals. In the spaces between, tapestries hung down over the walls, showing pastoral scenes and hunts from ages past.
The floor was polished marble, but for a red carpet leading to the concierge's counter, itself set beneath a grand staircase sweeping to the left and right, leading up to the elevators and other services above. A trio of paintings hung behind the counter, works in oil by masters, and Rin's eyes quickly recognized their subjects.
One was clearly Olga Marie Animusphere, standing in an observatory next to a brass telescope, and with a hand on a celestial sphere. An unsurprising setting, considering her family's specialization.
Then there was Reines El-Melloi Archisorte, painted in riding clothes and seated on a roan stallion, a hunting rifle held relaxed but expertly in one hand. Again, an unsurprising setting, considering how highly hunting was held in by the great noble families of Europe.
It was the painting they flanked that caught Rin completely by surprise, and might even have floored her had she not been made of sterner stuff.
One of the subjects was clearly Waver El-Melloi II – Beckenstein – in formal evening wear, looking ahead of him with his usual stern look. But next to him was a beautiful woman, with elaborately-curled blonde hair, and giving a charming smile in stark contrast to the man she was locked arm-in-arm with.
"Okay, I have to ask." Rin asked while jabbing a finger in the painting's direction. "That's Luvia, right? Luviagelita Edelfelt?"
"Yes, that is Lord Edelfelt." Sakura replied, while leading the way to the left staircase.
"…she seems…close, to Lord El-Melloi II." Rin delicately said, before giving a cough. "Sorry…Lord Beckenstein."
Sakura gave her a look. "So…they aren't married, where you come from?" she asked in her turn.
Rin choked and tripped at that. "Wait, what?" she gasped. "They're married? But…how…? When?"
"About four years or so ago." Sakura said with a shrug, and then raising an eyebrow. "It was an arranged marriage…and you never found out in the past month or so you've been here?"
"No!" Rin snapped. "I mean…I'm not the kind who goes around finding out who married who unless I actually need to. Also…okay, I get arranged marriages are a thing in our society, but isn't he like…twenty or so years older than her?"
Sakura snorted as she called for an elevator, and then actually laughed. "Yeah, he's so much older than her, isn't he?" she asked back with a wink. "It should be a crime, shouldn't it?"
"…I'm guessing that joke's been going around ever since they got married, huh?" Rin asked dryly.
Sakura laughed again. "Just don't let Lord Edelfelt hear." She said with another wink. "She doesn't appreciate it."
Rin snorted and then laughed in her turn. "Yeah, that…sounds like Luvia, alright." She said, and grinning at the thought of how her Luvia would react on finding out her counterpart had married Waver El-Melloi II of all people.
"I thought this place was supposed to be a neutral sanctuary." Rin observed, as she and Sakura passed through the bounded fields surrounding the latter's apartment.
"The gods help those who help themselves." Sakura remarked. "You can never be too careful when you're around other magi."
"Fair." Rin conceded, then raised an eyebrow as they entered Sakura's living room. The TV was on, set to a Japanese anime of all things, broadcast via satellite. There was also a…PlayStation, two of them too, hooked up to it, along with an Xbox, much like was the case back home in the Emiya mansion.
Huh…so Sakura watches anime and plays video games…interesting…
Then Rin blinked, as Sakura gently put the players and remotes away. "Alright," she said while getting to her feet. "You've been looking forward to this for a month now. Come on out, don't be shy."
That had Rin blinking again, and then she made an intuitive leap. "…so," she began with a cough. "I'm guessing you have a kid, huh. I figured since you implied your most recent relationship…"
"She's not my kid." Sakura said, before looking past Rin and smiling fondly at someone behind her. "She's my sister."
"Huh?" Rin squeaked in surprise, before turning…
…and simply let her jaw fall in surprise. There, looking out from behind a corner, was her. Well…her, as she looked over twenty years ago, at the age of six, right down to the pigtails her hair was tied in.
"Um…hello." Little Rin said with a wave of a hand. "It's nice to meet you. I mean…you're me, right? The me who'd have grown up."
Rin felt her jaw work soundlessly, trying to get words out, and then shaking her head, looked to and fro between Little Rin and Sakura. "Okay, what's going on?" she asked in a slightly shrill voice.
"Eh…" Sakura began while rubbing the back of her head.
It started a few months after Rin had died.
It was a small thing, really. Just a cloud of light, something that could barely be seen, hanging around, floating, and even flying to and fro in Sakura's vicinity. She even thought it was just a figment of her imagination, at least at first, only to realize otherwise when it stuck around.
Only she could see it, though.
She'd tried to tell father…no, not father. She didn't have a father anymore, she had a master now, and every time she made the mistake of calling him 'father', he'd slap her hard enough to make her fall to the floor.
The thought made Sakura's eyes harden angrily – now. Back then, it'd make her cry, but master would just hurt her more, telling her magi didn't cry, and that since she wanted to be a magus so badly, she should act like one.
She didn't want this.
She just wanted to be like Rin.
Why couldn't he treat her like he treated Rin?
And not just her…mother was more of the same…always looking at her with those…strange eyes, like she wasn't looking at all.
Sakura sighed, as the ball of light nuzzled her cheek. How strange…only she could see it, with master scolding and slapping her for making things up when she'd tried to tell him, while Mister Kotomine outright said he couldn't see it at all.
But…
…the strangest part wasn't that only she could see the light…
…the strangest part was how…
…soothing, the light was.
If she was hurt, and the light touched her, the pain went away. If she was sad, and the light touched her, she stopped being sad. And if she was lonely…
…no. She never felt lonely. Not anymore…
…the light…
…the light was there.
It was like…
…like something…someone…she knew, she just didn't know who…was looking out for her, and with her all the time.
And so it went, for months on end, the light seeming to grow bigger and more solid in that time, until a year had passed.
The Fourth Holy Grail War began.
Not a war between nations, but between seven Masters and Servants for the right to touch the one and only Holy Grail.
Even then, Sakura's training never stopped, but since master suspected he wouldn't live through the war, he had the crest cut from his arm and then burned into her own. It hurt so much…
…but when she woke up from the days-long sleep, and then used her crest for the first time…
"Why did you kill me, Sakura?" Rin asked.
Sakura yelped, jumping out of the bed, and then scampering against the floor, pressed herself back against the wall. "B-b-b-big sister?" she stammered out. "H-h-how? No…wait…you…you were the light all along?"
Rin scratched at her head. "I…was…?" she answered uncertainly. "But…why did you kill me Sakura? Did you…did you hate me?"
The strength left Sakura, who slid down the wall to sit on the floor, looking glumly downward. "No…no, I didn't hate you, big sister." She finally said. "I…I just…I just wanted to be like you. I…it wasn't fair. Master only taught you magic, and only praised you because of it. Mother…mother was more of the same…and…and I had to go away too! I…it wasn't fair…I…"
"You killed me because you were jealous?" Rin echoed in disbelief.
"I didn't mean to!" Sakura wailed, tears coming to her eyes, crying for the first time in months. "I…I didn't know! I thought…I thought dying was like going to sleep! And while you were asleep, father would teach me magic! Mother would love me like she loved you! So maybe…maybe they wouldn't send me away when you woke up! Only…only…you never woke up…and they never loved me like they loved you…"
Sakura trailed, sobbing quietly to herself, while Rin stared in shock and disbelief. And then stepping forward, Rin approached her sister, and sinking down pulled her into a hug. Sakura hugged her sister tightly back, sobbing against her.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"
Sakura scratched her head as she finished her story, and sitting on an armchair. "…and there you go." She said.
"You seriously thought death and sleeping were the same thing?" Rin incredulously asked.
"I was five!" Sakura responded in exasperation. "And while you'd have known that, because magi walk with death and all that, I didn't, because how could I?"
"…okay, that's fair…I think…" Rin said, and rubbing her temples hard at the building migraine between them. "…wait, no. That doesn't answer the how did this happen."
"Oh, we figured that out when I was seven." Sakura said. "You know that old superstition, about how if you kill someone violently, they leave a grudge behind? And said grudge curses the killer and everything and everyone around them to die a violent death? It's like that, only since Rin was a magus, and I'm a magus too, instead of leaving a grudge and a curse, it turned her soul into a wraith."
"What?" Rin asked dully.
Little Rin nodded sagely. "It sounds weird, and it is weird, but that's just how it is." She said with a smug smile that had Rin twitching. But of course: it was her smile.
"It also explained why only I could see her, at least at first." Sakura added. "As a wraith, she depends on my prana to stay in the World. And at the time, my prana supply was…unstable? Unrefined…? Yeah, let's go with that. That's why her appearance grew less vague as my training progressed."
"And then Tokiomi gave Sakura her crest." Little Rin said, pulling at Sakura's arm. "He'd already added my circuits to it, you see…"
"…and together with the stabilizing and augmenting abilities of the crest…" Sakura continued.
"…my counterpart could finally regain her true appearance." Rin finished.
"Yes!" Little Rin yelled out before childishly clapping her hands.
Rin ran a hand over her face. "You do realize that it makes you Sakura's familiar, right?" she asked.
"Uh-huh." Little Rin answered before tilting her head. "Is something wrong?"
"Are you really fine with that?" Rin pressed.
Little Rin frowned. "Well," she said, rubbing at her head and looking away. "Not growing up is annoying, and dying hurt, but being a ghost is fun in its own way too."
"That…doesn't really answer my question." Rin said.
Little Rin's expression turned serious. "It's better than what Tokiomi planned." She darkly said.
"Huh?"
"I overheard them talking." Little Rin said, getting angry and causing temperatures around them to drop by a couple of degrees. "Him and Mister Kotomine…he never actually wanted Sakura, no, he only had her because I might have died as a baby. And then I got better, so he started seeing her as useless, and even planned to give her away."
"…that's…" Rin began, only to sigh, and look away with a pained expression, continuing with a tone that made it clear she didn't believe what she was saying. "…that's just the way it is for magi families."
"But it gets worse!" Little Rin exploded. "He planned for me and her to kill each other in the future! And it didn't matter which of us won! If I killed Sakura, I'd get the Grail, but if she killed me, she'd get the Grail! It doesn't matter, because either way, our family becomes famous for it! Because if I win, I have the Tohsaka name, and if she wins, it's because she was born one of us!"
Sakura laughed bitterly at that. "Ironic," she said. "He was so angry I 'killed' my sister…but he was always planning for me to do that, or vice-versa. He wasn't angry because I killed my sister…he was angry I killed her before I was supposed to."
Little Rin slammed her hands against the coffee table, the glass frosting around them. "I'll never forgive him." She growled. "He…he…he doesn't…I don't have to call him daddy or father ever again. He doesn't deserve it!"
Rin reeled back, shaking in horrified realization. It was…possible, that the plot by her father and Kirei for her and Sakura to kill each other over the Holy Grail didn't exist in her timeline. Possible…but improbable…
…no, more probable was the fact that Kirei just never told her about it. Why would he? It would just get in the way of the plan becoming reality, not when it was going so well too. Not to mention, he was getting off of it, that sick bastard.
More importantly…
…Rin thought back to the Fifth Holy Grail War, and the nightmare it had been and what it had led up to it. The Shadow…what Sakura had become…everything the Matou had done to her…the two of them trying to kill each other under Mount Enzo…
…all that had been planned…expected…
…didn't Zouken once tell Shirou that Sakura's 'adoption' by the Matou and everything they'd done to her had been known, expected, and even approved of by her father? When Shirou had told her about that, Rin had dismissed it as Zouken just trying to get under Shirou's skin.
Now…though…
…she wasn't so sure.
"A-are…are you really…really fine with this?" Rin asked softly.
"…I don't like that Sakura didn't tell me first how she really felt." Little Rin admitted after a moment. "I could have found a way to help her…to work together…"
Rin suspected that even if they had, it wouldn't have mattered. Not the way that man thought about and did things. For the first time in her life, Rin began to feel the smallest amount of what could only be called hatred against the man who sired her.
Everything bad that had ever happened to her and to her sister, it all went back to him.
"…and…your death?" she whispered.
"If you're like me," Little Rin answered. "The kind of person who wants others to be proud of her, who wants to be helpful, and someone who wants to prove herself…then you should understand."
Rin just nodded while swallowing, and then Little Rin continued. "I don't want to be the kind of person Tokiomi wanted me to be." She said. "And most of all, I don't want to be the reason Sakura is sad. So yes, I'm fine with this."
Rin closed her eyes. "Yes…yes, I understand." She said. "So now…please. Please listen…because it's my turn. My turn to tell a story."
Sakura and Little Rin shared a look, and then nodded. They stayed silent as Rin began to speak, and at first, it seemed like something they already knew. How decades ago, during the Third Holy Grail War, Einzbern had summoned an anomalous Servant, the Avenger, and in so doing, tainted the Grail with an evil that could damn the world should it ever be unleashed.
Then there was Zouken Matou's desire for immortality at any cost, and then the story took a turn for the new, and with it came horrors they could never have imagined. How a decade of rape and torture had turned Sakura's counterpart into the Black Grail, how he manipulated her attachment to Shirou Emiya to further break her to his will, and worst of all, Rin's own deliberate blindness to all the suffering and humiliation her sister was going through.
It should have been obvious, really. The other Sakura's eyes and hair had turned an unnatural shade of violet, and how she never seemed to have the presence of a magus despite supposedly having become Matou's heiress. Contradictions that should have pointed to something suspicious happening, but Rin had just blinded herself, hiding behind the old alliance between their families, deluding herself into thinking Sakura was better off with her, and that it wasn't her place to pry into other families' affairs.
Then came the Fifth Holy Grail War, and with it the rise of the Shadow. Truths were also revealed, like how Shinji Matou had repeatedly raped his sister not just to keep her under control, but also to satisfy his sickening urges, or how the Matou Crest couldn't be removed without killing Sakura.
Rin confessed to deciding to kill Sakura then and there, a better alternative to letting the Shadow devour all of Fuyuki. And had it not been for Shirou standing in her way, she would have done so.
Then came the failed alliance with Einzbern, Saber and Berserker's fall to the Shadow, and Archer grafting his arm onto Shirou. A desperate move that should and would have killed him, but a necessary one, the smallest chance to win against the Shadow better than none.
And then the final horror, when Sakura became one with the Shadow, seeking to unleash Angra Mainyu to punish the world which had given her nothing but hell. Rin admitted then that she never truly deserved the title of Jewel Sword, as it was only with Illyasviel von Einzbern and Shirou's help that she managed to replicate the mystic code in the first place, with which she bought time against her sister.
At least…
…that's what she wanted to believe. In truth, she had fought to kill her sister, only to find herself unable to bring herself to do the deed.
In the end, Shirou's miraculous victory against Saber, while still being able to trace Rule Breaker in the aftermath, and Illyasviel's ultimate sacrifice, had allowed them to triumph. Angra Mainyu's birth had been stillborn. Sakura had been saved. But…
…it had been so close.
When the tale was done, Rin sat silent. She expected her sister's counterpart, her own counterpart even, to say something. Condemnation, maybe? Pity? Would they tell her to leave?
It didn't matter. Having exposed and rubbed her scars raw again, Rin was prepared to accept any and all judgment for her sins.
She deserved nothing less.
But they said nothing, nor did they do any of that. Instead, Sakura sat down next to Rin, and Little Rin on her other side, before engulfing her in a tight hug.
Rin said nothing, and closing her eyes, allowed herself to accept the unspoken offer.
Thank you.
A/N
Yeah, Waver married Luvia in this timeline. Yes, it should be a crime. Yes, it's meant to come off as something lighthearted, considering how the rest of the chapter goes.
Now you all know who and what Sakura's familiar is. Her Rin's wraith, bound to her out of lingering…echoes, from the murder, Sakura's own affinity for spirits and the like, and later on, by Sakura's reception of the Tohsaka Crest, which by then included Rin's own circuits. And yes, Little Rin has powers of her own, as will eventually be shown.