03. The King

"Carmilla… not you too."

She didn't know what the big deal was. It was just a book. A decidedly... erotic book, but what harm could there be in reading it?

"Look at what you've done, Lenore."

"Introduced her to a work of art?"

Carmilla found herself agreeing with the redhead. The plot was good. Not great, but… good. Not to mention the erotica within.

"I shouldn't have shown you that book."

"Well, you have and now you have to live with it."

Naruto threw his hands up. He knew better than to fight Lenore on such things.

"I'll be in the kitchen if ya need me."

None of them thought anything about it. It was a day off for them, a day to get away from the hustle and bustle of running an entire region of vampires. At some point, Naruto thought it was a good idea to move a fur couch into the dining room.

Striga and Morana laid claim to it before Carmilla or Lenore even had a chance to speak up. Morana was sprawled out on the couch, her head in Striga's lap as the two smiled, talked and laughed together. While the Commander came off as terrifying and a threat to practically everyone's well-being, she treated her lover with more tender care and affection in a single evening than most couples could muster in their lifetimes.

Lenore, on the other hand, was partaking in her favorite hobby: reading. The only one who was doing something out of the ordinary was Carmilla, who had been roped in by the redhead to read Naruto's godfather's smut.

Sniff.

Sniff.

"What is that smell?"

"It… it smells like bread."

"Then," Striga paused, sniffing the air once more, "why does it smell sweet?"

"A pastry?" Carmilla hinted.

"Didn't Naruto say that he was going to be in the kitchen?" Lenore blinked.

Exchanging looks with one another, the four of them got up and followed their noses. As it turns out, they weren't the only ones intrigued by the smell. Every guard they walked past was sniffing the air and staring towards the kitchen. More than one had their stomach grumble as the Sisters passed by.

"Of course he knows how to bake," Lenore muttered to herself. "Why wouldn't he know how to bake?"

"Let's hold our judgment until after we've had a sample, yes?" Carmilla teased. "His cooking might be good, but cooking and baking are two very different things, yes?"

"Very much so," Lenore nodded.

When they finally entered the kitchen, they couldn't believe their own eyes. A dozen Narutos were about, running the kitchen like a professional culinary team. Each went about their tasks with veritable proficiency, never getting in each other's way, yet never communicating.

"What the fuck?"

"Oh! Hey girls!" One of the Narutos waved at them.

"N-Naruto? H-How? Is this magic?" Lenore stammered.

Such a feat was far beyond even the most competent vampire magician she could think of. Had they been illusions, then the feat would be plausible, but not very useful in terms of labor. Given the prepping, mixing and baking every single duplicate was doing, there was no way for them to be illusions.

"T-They're solid. Solid clones. How?"

"I'm just that awesome." He laughed as Lenore poked and prodded at one of his clones only for the amused clone to boop her on the nose, leaving a dusting of flour behind. "Now, what can I do for ya?"

"What are you making?" Lenore asked as she approached the oven. "It smells like bread but…"

"Sweet?" Naruto suggested.

"Yes."

"That's because it's milk bread."

"Milk…"

"... bread?"

x-x-x-x-x

"Why do I have to follow you guys to Wallachia again?" Naruto asked as he walked alongside the Sisters towards their destination.

"Because we would like to introduce you to the nation's ruler," Carmilla smirked.

"Well, I got that part, but why do I have to go? I'm basically just your roommate… baker… blood bag… person."

"At least he knows his place," chuckled Striga.

"Regardless, we believe Dracula would like to meet you." Lenore smiled and took another bite out of some French toast Naruto had made for them. "Mm!"

"I'll add gluttony to your list of sins," Naruto laughed. "Where do you put all of the food you eat?"

Red-orange eyes flashed to the color of blood, glaring at him. "Are you calling me fat?"

"N-No!" Danger! Danger! Back the fuck up! "Not at all!"

"Hm!" She took another bite.

"Phew." Naruto placed a hand on his heart. "Dodged a bullet."

"How have you survived for so long?" Morana snickered.

"Mostly luck," Naruto shrugged. "I have the worst-best luck in the world."

"'Worst-best luck?'" Striga laughed. "And how does that work?"

"Well, whenever I'm trying to do something, shit always goes sideways, but I always manage to pull through. That and I've never lost any sort of gamble."

"Never?" Morana asked.

"Never."

In the distance, towering spires of black and grey loomed over what was once a battlefield. Dozens of corpses and skeletons were impaled upon wooden stakes, littering the land like macabre saplings.

"Wow. Haven't seen stuff like this in a while. A long while."

Their party entered the towering castle without fanfare. Unlike the Sisters' castle post takeover, Draculina's castle was much gloomier, lacking in decor and personality.

"This place is depressing," Naruto commented. "Let me guess, he's single."

"Naruto!" Lenore smacked him. "Show some decorum!"

"What! You can't tell me that I'm wrong!"

The Sisters and the contingent of vampires behind them stopped as one. Naruto, uncaring, stood and looked around the foyer of the brooding castle, expectant.

"Carmilla." A dark voice echoed throughout the foyer, coming from seemingly everywhere at once. "Who is this human you have brought with you?"

"A friend, my Lord. He is-"

"The one who's gonna kick your ass if you don't come out here, spooky!"

Lenore blanched. "I knew this was a bad idea! He's going to get himself killed!"

"You can stop trying to hide." Naruto's eyes followed something that none of them could see. "I can see you, ya know."

Finally, his eyes settled on a spot in front of the visiting party. His feet carried him forward, eyes still locked on that location. As he stood a naught a few meters away from it, a pool of darkness formed. Slowly, the shape of a man rose from the pool of darkness.

"Yo. Nice to finally meet the Vampire King himself," Naruto held out his hand, "or do you prefer Dracula Ţepeş?"

It was a tense minute for the entire Carmilla faction as they awaited the response of the vampire king. There were no visible clues that gave the party any inclination as to what the powerful immortal was thinking.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you on the spot, human."

"Because better people have tried."

A weight settled upon the contingent. That pressure only worsened when they felt Dracula's own power exerted over them. That means…

"Naruto's exerting his own pressure!" Carmilla thought, kept in place by the show of force between the two men. "It's getting worse!"

"So, are you gonna shake my hand or not?" That irritating smirk widened. "It's rude to leave a guest waiting, ya know?"

Still, the pressure worsened when neither men budged. Cracks formed around Naruto's feet as he exerted his presence. Darkness poured from Dracula.

"Go on," Naruto goaded. "Shake it." Somewhere behind them, a vampire passed out. "Eh?" Naruto looked back. "Oh shit! I forgot! I'm sorry everyone!"

In that single moment, Naruto stopped exerting his presence upon the world. Dracula, however, hadn't. Still, Naruto didn't even flinch when the full might of the immortal's power washed over him.

"You guys alright?"

"What?" Dracula hissed. The vampire doubled down and the darkness deepened.

"I'm so sorry!" Naruto hadn't noticed. "I always forget people aren't always used to that!"

The four Sisters stared, wide-eyed as Naruto turned his back to the King of Vampires and ran to the side of the passed out vampire. Completely ignorant of the scrutiny he was under, the blond shook the poor draculina in hopes of reviving her.

"Such a strange human." He turned towards the Sisters. "Where did you find this… man?"

"In the wilderness of Styria, my Liege." Lenore stared at the blond. "He saved Carmilla and I from a contingent of vampire knights."

"Ah. Yes. After your revolt." The vampire hummed, raising an eyebrow when the young man bit open his finger, feeding a few drops of blood to the comatose soldier. "A strange human indeed."

x-x-x-x-x

"You need a girlfriend."

"A what?"

"A mate, spouse, whatever you wanna call it."

"And do, pray tell, why I would need such a thing?"

"Because it'll make you happy!" Naruto gestured towards the castle's decor. "Your goddamn bachelor pad is depressing as hell, you dress like you're still living in the eighth century, and you stay locked up in your castle all the damn time."

"I could rip out your throat right now, human."

"Pfft. Stronger people have tried and I'm still standing, Draccy-boy."

"Excuse me?"

While Naruto continued to annoy the ancient vampire, the Sisters were sitting by, watching with bemusement.

"You think Lord Dracula will kill him?" Striga questioned.

"You think he can?" Morana countered.

"Maybe?" The Commander shrugged. "He is much more magically capable than I am, so perhaps."

"Hmm." Carmilla shook her head. "Knowing him, Naruto would just pull something out of his ass again."

"How does he keep doing that?" Lenore asked. "Clones? Supernatural strength? Supernatural speed?"

"He's not a magician, we can be certain of that," Morana sighed. "I can sense no magic around him. I can sense something, but it's not magic."

"This stupid jerk is going to make me pull my hair out," Lenore pouted, devouring yet another snack Naruto had prepared for her.

"Or eat yourself into a stupor," laughed Striga, only laughing harder when the petite girl kicked her shin underneath the table.

"Carmilla," Dracula called, snapping the girls to attention. "I would like to put your human to the test. Join us in the field, if you would."

The four stared at the retreating back of the King. Then at the waving blond idiot. Then back towards the King.

"He is so dead," Striga smirked.

"Now who's going to bake for me?" Lenore mourned.

"I will help you get anything you need before you pass," Morana sighed, bowing her head for a second.

"Thanks, girls," Naruto deadpanned. "Your faith in me is overwhelming."

"Ignore them," Carmilla sighed. "You will be fine, I assume?"

"Definitely."

"Hm. If you lose, I will resurrect you and punish you myself."

"Should I be afraid or aroused?"

Carmilla smirked, sashaying up to him before whispering into his ear. "That would be up to you, now wouldn't it?"

"And if I win?" He had the audacity to place a hand on her hip, squeezing ever so slightly.

"Then we would do whatever you want to celebrate."

"Whatever I want?"

"Whatever. You. Want."

"Woo! Drac, get ready to get your ass whooped!"

As Naruto ran off, Carmilla turned around, greeted by two amused smiles and one angry pout.

"What?"

"An incentive for a human to win?" Striga teased. "Carmilla. I don't even recognize you anymore."

"I must have some way to keep our current human blood supply loyal, of course."

"Offering him a blank wish, though?" Morana questioned. "Is that wise? What if he wishes to return to humanity?"

"Hmm. Did you not see where his hand went?" Carmilla scoffed. "I doubt he was thinking with his head."

Striga snorted. Morana groaned. Lenore continued to eat, strangely silent.