The Night Was So Young
Another quiet evening in the Katsuragi apartment.
Not for Shinji. As he sat at the table, staring at the wall, a now-lukewarm glass of water in his hand, the sounds of Asuka's guttural screams echoed in his mind. Her sobbing that filled the comms while he sat, unable to help, now filled his thoughts.
He tried to comfort her afterwards, but she yelled at him, and said she hated him. She wasn't wrong, so he just left.
Shinji was interrupted by the sound of the front door. He looked, and Asuka bolted in. He said her name once, twice, but she ignored him. She raced around the apartment, beelining for the bathroom. Before she entered, he stood and said her name once more. She glared at him, and told him, in a rather unpleasant manner, to get lost.
So he did. Another quiet evening, and he was staring at the ceiling, waiting for his SDAT to put him to sleep.
The subsequent angel attack managed to make things worse. As Shinji laid on his bed, he could not shake the image of Unit-00 self-destructing, taking Rei with it. Misato had come in and attempted to comfort him, he was pretty sure. She was shifty about it, but it didn't matter. Shinji didn't care. He wanted to run away so bad. Amidst everything, he thought about Asuka. He saw her after the battle and tried to approach her, but she pushed him out of the way and stomped off. He was pretty sure she had come home earlier.
Shinji tried to convince himself to sleep. Hopefully, Asuka was okay.
Asuka stared at herself in the mirror. The image disgusted her. There she was. Ace Eva pilot. Or so she thought. Rei Ayanami had to save her again. God damned Wondergirl had to save her like a damsel in distress. It sickened her. She yanked the clips out of her hair. As if they'd let her keep them. Her days as a pilot were withering away before her eyes, might as well get a head start.
She looked at herself now; Bloodshot, defeated eyes, messy hair. She was nothing. Just Asuka. It made her sick. What did she have left?
Her eyes wandered beyond her reflection, over to the door.
Shinji laid on his bed, headphones in. His gaze was broken from the ceiling as his door opened. He spared a split-second glance to see... Asuka?
He looked back, and there she was - hair down, face obstructed by shadow, and her posture seemed devoid of pride. He called her name.
Asuka took a few steps into the room, closing the door behind her. In the darkness, he could see her standing over him. The straps of her tank top hung to the sides.
Shinji sat up. Though he could barely see her face, they made eye contact. He said her name again.
She attempted to put some energy and sharpness into her voice. "Let's do something."
"What?"
"You know, what grown-ups do."
Shinji's heart started to beat faster. He may not have been the sharpest, but he knew what that meant. "Wha- Asuka..."
She crouched down, and Shinji got a closer look at her face, almost snarling. "What, you're going to reject the," she hesitated. "The prettiest girl in school?"
There was something weird about this. Something in the back of Shinji's mind told him to get out of there, but another rationalized that this is something she wanted.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure!" she said in a harsh whisper. "Now, are you gonna chicken out or not?"
Shinji gulped. "I'm not afraid." He laid back down.
Asuka crawled on top of him. She bent down and planted a rough kiss on Shinji's lips. She held the kiss, even closing her eyes and prodding at his mouth with her tongue. He reciprocated a little with his own. When she pulled away, she pulled her tank top off and threw it aside. He was looking at the ceiling.
"Look at me."
Those words made Shinji's eyes move to her. He was focused on her more sensitive areas, which felt embarrassing, but at least he was looking.
Shinji look his own shirt off, and let Asuka remove his pants. His body felt ready, but his mind did not.
The two of them got into position and began to move in time with each other. They shared an uncomfortable rhythm, trying to desperately claw their way to momentary pleasure.
Shinji kept watching Asuka's chest. She was grunting in a way that sounded forced. It prompted him to move his eyes upward. He reached her face, and saw her attempting to enjoy herself, squeezing her eyes shut at times. When they opened and looked in his direction, he could see tears forming. He stared at her for a short while longer, before speaking up.
"Asuka, are you okay?"
She stopped. They looked at each other in complete silence, before she got off of him. She put her clothes back on and laid down next to him, facing away. It made Shinji shift over and redress himself. He heard her begin to quietly sob, and it prompted him to reach over and put a hand on her shoulder.
She swatted it away. "Don't touch me!" she said, her voice thick.
He remained transfixed on the ceiling as the sobbing continued. It would eventually decrescendo, but neither of them would sleep soundly that night.
Asuka awoke, freaking out for a moment about being in a room that was not her own.
The memory of last night returned. She tried to seduce Shinji, and failed. Here she was, a pile of emotion, useless at everything, especially piloting. She couldn't even be a grown-up properly. As her eyesight adjusted, she wondered one thing: Wherever Kaji was, would he be proud of her?
She cut that question off. It was stupid. He'd hate her if he saw such a display. She rolled onto her back. She gazed sidelong at Shinji before standing and quietly exiting the room. Her head spun as she made her way to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror again, she was reminded of her failure. Now, she looked worse. Puffy eyes, messy hair and a sheen of sweat on her forehead. She felt disgusting.
Asuka hunched over the toilet, positioning herself to empty the contents of her stomach. It wasn't coming, so she jabbed a finger to the back of her throat. That proved futile, and she was left coughing on the floor of the bathroom. It made her feel disgusting.
Before she knew it, she was putting shoes on and getting out of the apartment. It was starting to feel like a prison with every passing second. Asuka exited the building with haste. Shinji didn't need her. He made that abundantly clear the previous night.
Shinji opened his eyes to that same ceiling, illuminated by a crack of light from outside.
He looked to the side. Asuka was gone. If he weren't awake before, he was at that moment.
He got out of bed and crossed the hallway. He flung her door open. The room was thrashed, but no sign of her.
The living room was empty. The kitchen was empty. Misato's room was empty, which meant that she hadn't come home. On a whim, he checked the veranda, but he still saw nothing. Shinji was completely alone. There was only one thing he could do, and as he put some proper clothes on, all he could think about was Asuka, and where she could be.
Shinji wandered through the fog of the early Tokyo-3 morning. The sun was barely in the sky as he made his way down the streets.
He kept his thoughts on Asuka. It made him panic. She was somewhere out there. He knew he should have rebuffed her advances. It was a bad idea from the start. If he had done anything else, she likely would have been still in the apartment. Instead, he had to live up to his nickname.
Enough wallowing in self-pity. Shinji took a right into an abandoned district. The constant battle against angels ruined a lot of homes, and he was reminded of that as he pressed on. He kept an alert eye out for red hair, if nothing else. Something in his gut told him Asuka would come to a place like this.
Some arbitrary noise from a few houses down caught his attention. He walked faster, breaking into a mild jog. When he arrived at the house, he almost stumbled through the opened door and over debris. He checked what used to be a kitchen, a living room, and a bedroom, before approaching the bathroom. There was no door, so he walked right through.
There stood Asuka. She wore the same clothes as the night before. She appeared to be staring down the rusty bathtub in front of her. She had clenched fists and a slight hunch in her back.
Shinji didn't know what else to say.
"Asuka."
The one word seemed to echo through the abandoned house, and it made her turn around. He finally got a good look at her face, notably her eyes, which appeared to be red and puffy. Her brow was knit, but as she saw more of him, her expression couldn't help but soften.
They made eye contact. Shinji could see the hurt in Asuka's face. The tears that threatened him the night before were trying to make a return. Despite this, he watched her expression shift in the slightest fashion. Her gaze softened.
Asuka smiled a little. "Stupid Shinji..."
A/N: Thanks for reading! This came about in the past week. University has been busy, so my brain was on that. Despite it, I had this idea pop up amidst the stress. Angst isn't my thing generally, but I wanted to do this. My idea was "What if Shinji and Asuka tried to have sex, but it went horribly wrong because they're kids with issues?" Bubbles and skyfox, in the Asushin discord, helped me flesh it out a little better. Initially, I wanted to end it on the morning after with Shinji being alone, but I think this is better.
Special thanks to HydrationStation. He gave me feedback that really helped improve the story.
YW chapter coming soon, hopefully. Like I said, school.