Based on a prompt by imperfection-at-itsfinest for the Phic Phight!
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Not the King
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"I'm not the Ghost King," said Danny.
Danielle blinked up at him. "But-" she said.
"I'm not," insisted Danny, glaring at the two one-eyed ghosts that had brought her here. "I don't know what they told you, but I am not the Ghost King. I mean, I'm not even a full ghost. I'm still in high school. It would be ridiculous to make me Ghost King, right? It would be insane, right?"
"I-" said Dani, taking in her surroundings, the high ceilings, the dais, the green-burning torches on the wall, the green plush carpet on the floor beneath her feet. "Where are we?"
"Nowhere," said Danny, too quickly.
"The palace of the High King of All Ghosts," answered one of the eye ghosts.
Danny glared. "She wasn't asking you," he said.
"Well," said Dani, "it was more of a general question, honestly. So, you have a palace, now, huh?"
"It is not a palace. And I don't have it. This is just- just an administrative building."
"Danny, there's a throne."
"An administrative throne. It's kind of like the office chair of the Ghost Zone."
"Infinite Realms," corrected one of the eyeballs.
"This is like... A lobby. A reception lobby," continued Danny. "Completely normal, so you can go now."
"Is it normal to be chained to administrative thrones?" asked Dani. Because he was. Chained, that is. They were glowing green and probably phase proof both to humans and ghosts.
"Yes."
"So, you don't need to be rescued?"
"No, I'm fine. I always escape eventually. This is the fifth time."
One of the eyeball ghosts turned to Dani. "Please. We're begging you. Talk some sense into him."
Honestly, where were their mouths? Did they even have mouths?
"I'm perfectly full of sense, thanks. You're the ones who're nonsensical."
"He's been like this for months," said the other one-eyed ghost, mournfully.
Dani looked between Danny, chained to the throne, and the one-eyed ghosts. "Talk some sense into him about what?"
"About his kingship!" The ghost spread his hands wide.
"I'm not a king! I'm a C-average student from America and I'm not even dead yet!"
"Yes, you are! You died years ago! Why are you making this so difficult?" shouted one of the ghosts.
"Doesn't count! I came back!"
"You celebrated your deathday last year!"
"Danny," said Dani, cautiously, "you're wearing a crown."
"Isn't a crown," said Danny, shaking his head, furiously.
"Then what is it?" asked Dani, genuinely curious as to what he'd come up with, but also starting to be concerned.
A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face. "It's, uh, it's a hat."
"Pretty fancy hat."
"Well, it is a ghost hat."
"It is not just a hat!" growled one of the eyeball ghosts. "It shows your position as-"
"Final dispute arbiter!" shouted Danny, drowning out the other ghost. "It's the ceremonial hat of the final dispute arbiter, but I really don't want the job. Too much paperwork. Too much, uh, reception work."
"Reception work where you're tied to a throne."
"Office chair, but yes. I keep telling them I don't want it. They won't listen."
Dani looked between Danny and the other ghosts once again.
"Can I have one of the rooms in your palace?"
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"So, uh," said Dani, phasing through the wall into Jazz's room, "I heard that Danny is not the Ghost King."
"Yeah," said Jazz, not looking up from her formidable book, "we've all heard."
"What's up with that?"
"Oh, you know, just Danny being Danny, honestly." There was an edge of worry there.
"He doesn't actually believe all that about office chairs, does he?"
"If you're asking me if he's delusional, the answer is yes," said Jazz.
"Stop making fun of me!" yelled Danny from the other room.
"Stop eavesdropping on me with your super-hearing!" Jazz shouted back.
"It isn't my fault these walls are paper thin!"
Jazz rolled her eyes. "Anyway, he knows what's going on. He just doesn't want to know."
"Right. And for those of us who don't know?"
"Didn't the Observants tell you?"
"The who?" asked Dani.
"Eyeball ghosts. Very pushy."
"Oh. Yeah. Mostly they just yelled at Danny."
Jazz rolled her eyes and put aside her book. The title was Common Law in the Infinite Realms.
"The Ghost Zone needs a king," started Jazz.
Danny stuck his head through the wall. "It got along perfectly fine without one for hundreds of years."
Jazz, without taking her eyes off Dani, removed her shoe and threw it at Danny. It hit, dead center, and the ghost boy withdrew, shoe in his mouth.
"Nice aim," said Dani.
"Hey!" said Jazz. "Give me back my shoe!"
The offended article flew through the wall and landed neatly on Jazz's bed.
"Anyway," she said. "The Ghost Zone needs a king. Or wants a king. Or maybe it's just the Observants who want one. Either way, by ghost law, Danny's the rightful king because he beat Pariah Dark in single combat."
"Okay, that's cool. So, why doesn't he want to be Ghost King?"
"I think mainly he doesn't want to be responsible for a whole universe full of people."
Dani nodded. That would do it.
"So, he's in denial."
"Yeah. That, and I think he thinks that he can negotiate his title down if he tries hard enough. Of course, he won't talk to me about it, because he has an irrational fear that, if he acknowledges that it's happening, he'll be trapped."
"Well, I mean, that's reasonable," said Dani. "A lot of ghost things are actually like that."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Like, Danny and I are officially cousins, because that's what we said we are."
"Huh. I guess I hadn't gotten to that part yet," said Jazz, glaring at her book as though it had done her a great personal wrong.
"Maybe the crown thing also is supposed to do something," suggested Dani. "Like, if he says, 'okay, fine, I'm the Ghost King,' it binds to him or something? Like, maybe it melts on to his head, and he can't get it off? It is on fire."
"Wow. Thank you for that horrifying image that will never leave my brain," said Jazz. "Thankfully, that probably won't happen. Didn't happen to the last guy."
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"If you're the king, does that mean I'm a princess?"
"I'm not a king," said Danny, glaring down at his homework. He furrowed his brow thoughtfully. "Technically, I'm a knight."
"What, really?" asked Dani, flipping herself so that she was sitting upright in the air. "Since when?"
"Dora knighted me. It was a while ago. I guess that'd make you a lady, then."
"Does that mean you can sword fight?" asked Dani.
"Yeah. She had one of her other knights teach me. I beat Vlad in a sword fight, a couple of times. He likes to think he's good, but he really isn't."
"Wow, you just described, like, fifty percent of his personality."
Danny snorted.
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"I hear Danny has a new job," said Dani, squeezing in-between Tucker and Sam as they walked to school.
On the other side of Sam, Danny groaned loudly.
"Oh, yeah, we all know," said Tucker.
"We figure it's only a matter of time before ghosts start showing up at the school to congratulate him. Or, you know, fight him for the crown," said Sam.
Danny got a contemplative look on his face.
"Don't you dare lose on purpose," warned Sam.
"But, just imagine, the Box Ghost-"
"No. Remember Pandora's box?" asked Sam.
Danny deflated.
"You know," said Dani. "You probably won't even have to do anything. Like you said, there hasn't been a Ghost King in ages."
"You don't understand," said Danny. "The Observants hate me. The only reason they'd want me to do something like this is because there's baggage. Well, I'm not doing it."
"So, it isn't just because you think the title will do something to you?"
"Better safe than sorry, right?" said Danny. "If they are going to force me into... something, then I'm not getting extra supernatural hooks set into me because of the job title. Last thing I need is some kind of fine-print that means I have to let the Observants run my life. No way. They're not getting me like that."
A ghost portal opened up underneath Danny's feet, and he fell.
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Dani found him tied to the throne again, crown floating over his hair. He looked absolutely livid. So did the several dozen Observants glaring at him.
"You must take up the title!" said one of the Observants, angrily.
"No," said Danny. "I'm not the Ghost King. I'm not going to be the Ghost King. Find someone who actually wants to do it!"
"There is no one else who can do it!"
Dani cleared her throat. All eyes turned to her.
"Look, have none of you people ever heard of a compromise?"
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Sam, Tucker, and Jazz were waiting in front of the Fenton Portal when they got back. Danny had sulked the whole way.
"Well," said Jazz. "What happened?"
"I'm not the Ghost King," said Danny, sullenly. He flew up through the ceiling.
"You'd think he'd be happier about that," said Tucker, looking up.
"Is he king now, after all?" asked Sam.
"Nah," said Dani. "He's the Ghost Prince. I'm a princess, now, by the way, so you have to call me 'your highness.'"
"I'm not doing that," said Sam.
"That's fair."