A/N:
WARNING! This story is rated M for a reason! There is a strong lesbian theme throughout, along with explicit lesbian sex (in Chapter 2). Read at your own risk.
DISCLAIMER! I do not own any part of the K-On! franchise. Ownership belongs to Kakifly, Hōbunsha, and Kyōtō Animation.
PREFACE:
This is the sequel to the one-shot In Plain Sight, and is set some seven years after the events in that story. It answers the question of what prompted the YuiAzu break-up that set the events in the one-shot in motion, and also explores how love has the capacity to heal.
It was not my original intention to incorporate a canon character death, but given the way the plot unfolded I had no choice if I wanted this to be a sequel. I realize many readers in the fandom don't care for angst, but for there to be healing, there has to be hurt.
This story was extremely difficult to write. It was my first attempt at angst, and after how emotionally exhausting the process was for me, it will be the last for a while. That said, I hope there are some readers in the fandom who will appreciate it.
Chapter 1: Past is Prologue
"Thirsty…"
Yui held the cup of water for Mugi to sip from. After managing one swallow, the dying woman gently slumped back onto the pillow.
"How are you feeling, Mugi-chan?" Yui asked gently. She tried to keep her facial expression as normal as possible so that the grief welling up inside her wouldn't show.
"I'm…really tired…but you're here…so it's okay…"
Mugi smiled wanly up at Yui as she spoke. The brunette tried to smile back as genuinely as she could, but she didn't feel like she was succeeding.
The figure lying on the bed looked like a pale shadow of the Mugi of just a year ago. The glorious honey-blonde hair was gone, claimed by unsuccessful chemotherapy, and in its place was a knotted handkerchief. The skin that stretched across Mugi's emaciated face was almost translucent. The sapphire-blue eyes, once so bright, were now dim with the shadow of ever-present pain.
Yet as Mugi looked up and smiled, Yui could see the soul of woman she loved was still very much alive inside the wasting body lying on the bed in front of her. She tried to superimpose an image of the Mugi of twelve months earlier on top of the current version, but it was no use. She couldn't do it. The final cracks began to appear in her already-shattering heart.
The nurse pulled Yui and Mr. and Mrs. Kotobuki aside.
"Which one is her next of kin?" she asked, looking at Mugi's father. Wordlessly, he nodded toward Yui.
"I'm her partner," Yui said.
The nurse looked surprised momentarily, but quickly recovered.
"It's just a matter of time," she informed Yui, trying her best to sound compassionate. "I'll leave you to have a few minutes. It would be best to say your good-byes now. I am so sorry."
As the nurse withdrew, Yui looked helplessly at the couple facing her. If she was hoping for reassurance, there was none to be found. Mrs. Kotobuki had a handkerchief pressed to her face; all she could do was shake her head. Her husband could only stare dumbly back at Yui. His face was expressionless, but his eyes were filled with such deep sorrow that Yui could only bear to look at them for a few moments.
The three turned back toward the bed to begin the final vigil. For several minutes, Mugi lay still, seemingly asleep. The monitors showed her vital signs as weak but steady. Suddenly, her eyes opened, and she held out her hands, one to her mother, and the other to Yui. The brunette thought Mugi's grip seemed surprisingly strong.
With great effort, Mugi began to speak. Her words came in gasps as she summoned the last of her energy.
"Papa, please…make sure…Yui-chan is…cared for…"
Mr. Kotobuki nodded, then turned away. Yui could see the first hints that his wall of reserve was beginning to break.
"Mama…I'm sorry…I couldn't give you…grandchildren…thank you…for accepting Yui-chan…I love…both you and Papa…
Mugi's mother choked back a sob as she clutched her daughter's hand and buried her face further into her handkerchief. Yui braced herself, knowing Mugi would speak to her next. She longed to hear the words, but at the same time she dreaded them.
"My sweet Yui-chan… I love you more…than anything…please, don't…cling to regret…you have too much…love in you…grieve me…but then…find another…don't lock…that love…inside you…"
Yui pressed her lips to Mugi's fingers. Her tears, which she could no longer hold back, dripped down her cheeks and onto her partner's pale hand.
"Mugi-chan…I love you," she choked, unable to think of anything more fitting to say.
Mugi smiled at Yui once more. Then, after a moment, the light in her eyes went out, and her grip on Yui's hand loosened. A scant second later, the alarm on the heart monitor began to shriek, slicing through the stillness of the room like an air raid siren.
And just like that, Hirasawa Yui's heart crumbled into dust.
Yui sat bolt upright in bed, chest heaving, heart pounding. Tears streamed down her cheeks. As she got her bearings, the pain quickly evaporated. After taking several deep breaths, she dried her eyes on the bed sheet.
It had been a long time since she'd had the dream. In the beginning, she'd had it almost nightly, but as time went on it had come to her less and less frequently. It had been at least three months since she'd had it last, right before New Years', a time of year that always seemed to overload her mind with memories of Mugi.
These days, it was a lot easier to recover from the dream. After all, it had been more than three years since she'd lost Mugi. The tears seldom outlasted the initial shock of waking up anymore. Instead, she usually found herself exactly where Mugi hadn't wanted her to be: mired in loneliness and regret.
Why did this have to happen the night before the first day of school? I'm going to look terrible. The kids will think I'm an old woman or something.
She reached for her cell phone on the nightstand.
05:35. Ugh…not enough time to go back to sleep. I've got to be at school at 07:00. Geez, when I was younger they couldn't pry me out of bed. Now look at me.
Giving up, she clicked on the light by the bed, crawled to her feet, and staggered to the bathroom. After washing up and applying a quick swipe of eyeliner, she scrutinized her reflection in the bathroom mirror. For a 29-year-old widow, she didn't look too shabby, she decided. Her skin was still smooth, she didn't need that much make-up, and her body was still firm where it counted.
As she dressed, she looked at the framed photograph of her and Mugi she kept on the dresser. It was an 8 × 10 landscape shot of them in their wedding dresses. They had married in 2016, as soon as same-sex marriage was legalized in Japan, and the photo had been taken at the joint reception they'd had with Mio and Ritsu, who had been married the same day.
For a year, they were blissful newlyweds. Then Mugi started getting the abdominal pains. The doctors diagnosed ovarian cancer, and within another year she was gone. At 26, Yui was left struggling to rebuild her life.
Living in Tōkyō reminded her too much of Mugi, so she'd moved to Yokohama to start over. She'd made friends at work, and she saw a lot more of Mio and Ritsu, who lived nearby in Kawasaki. But although she didn't exactly live a solitary life, it hadn't stopped the dream from coming, nor had it eased her regret over what she'd lost and what might have been.
She picked up the picture frame and, as she so often did, began a one-sided mental conversation with the radiant, white-clad blonde in the photo. She liked to believe Mugi could hear in some way. Even though her rational mind told her that wasn't possible, in her heart she wanted to believe it. That belief had helped her make it through the grieving process.
I had the dream again, Mugi-chan, but then you probably already know that. It's been a while since the last time. That's good, right? It's so hard to believe it's been three years since you left. It feels like only yesterday I was in your arms.
Those four years we had together were so beautiful. There will always be a little part of me that belongs to you. But after three years, I should be ready to move on, the way you wanted me to. At least that's what all the books say.
I can sense it's time, Mugi-chan. This bed's too cold at night when I'm in it by myself. I need someone to hold me and love me like you used to do. I'm just not the kind who can live by myself for the rest of my life.
But I still can't seem to let you go, even though you wanted me to. It's like a part of me feels like I should stay loyal. I guess I could use some reassurance. Some sort of sign. Anything.
As she held the picture, she studied the five-years-younger version of herself standing next to the woman she had thought was her partner for life. Gently, she kissed the glass over Mugi's face, replaced the frame on the dresser, and continued the inner conversation.
Today's the first day of school. You left me well provided for, Mugi-chan, but there's no way I'd ever give up teaching. I enjoy the kids too much. Another new class-full of kindergartners should keep me from getting too wrapped up in myself.
Maybe I should look at today as a fresh start not just for the school year, but for my year. Yui's year. What do you think?
I'll call Ritsu and see if she and Mio want to get together. Maybe their band would let me jam with them. I still play some, and I can knock off enough of the rust to be able to hang with them.
Ritsu knows a lot of people up in Ni-Chōme…maybe she could introduce me to somebody. Nothing too high-pressure…just a nice girl to talk to and do things with. A girl you would approve of, Mugi-chan.
"Kaorin, slow down," Nakano Azusa ordered her daughter. "You're pulling too hard."
The tiny five-year-old was literally dragging Azusa through the front doors of Tachibana Gakuen Junior and Senior High School's affiliated kindergarten with the strength of someone many times her size. The child's twin black ponytails, a mirror image of her mother's, bounced every which way as she strained to pull Azusa along. It was her first day of school at the exclusive academic kindergarten, and she was beside herself with excitement.
"I can't help it, Mama!" she exclaimed, babbling joyfully. "This is awesome! I can't wait to meet the other kids and my teacher. I hope she's nice. I bet she's gonna be pretty, almost as pretty as you!"
Azusa smiled at the compliment. Kaori was convinced Azusa was the most beautiful woman on the planet, and would tell anyone so in no uncertain terms with all the convoluted logic a five-year-old could muster. But the thought of how cute Kaori's statement was fled quickly, replaced by more practical considerations.
"Okay, remember what we talked about," she reminded her daughter. "Less talking, more listening, stand up straight, and remember your honorifics."
"Oh, Mama, you worry too much," Kaori said dismissively. Caught off guard, Azusa was too bemused to respond. There wasn't any disrespect intended, so there was no point to scolding Kaori for her statement. All the same, she wasn't sure where her daughter had picked up that line. Was it because she was precocious, or was it because she'd seen entirely too much manzai? She made a mental note to pay closer attention the next time Kaori watched television.
Finally, they stood before the reception desk. As they put on indoor shoes, a staff member checked the student roster.
"Let's see…Kasuga Kaori…" the woman said. "Oh, you're in Sakura Class. That's down the hallway to your left, last door on your right."
As Kaori towed her down the hall toward the classroom, Azusa wondered what the teacher would be like. She'd put Kaori on this kindergarten's waiting list not only because it was affiliated with the high school where she taught mathematics, but also because it had the reputation of being the finest in Yokohama. During the entry interview, she had asked for an experienced teacher, someone who had a gentle hand with the kids, but who would still keep them on track academically.
She and Kaori had been through a lot, and despite her bubbly personality, the little girl was emotionally fragile. She had a tendency to get anxious when things didn't go right and Azusa wasn't around to soothe her. In light of this, Azusa wanted Kaori to be in the warmest, most caring environment possible. The principal, a cheery, perpetually-smiling woman, said she had just the teacher for Kaori. Azusa hadn't quite caught the name at the time, but it didn't really matter, because she figured she'd meet the woman soon enough.
As they came to the door of Sakura Class, Azusa automatically cleared her throat and straightened her suit. They were reflexive actions she always took before any meeting, important or not. She looked at her cell phone: 07:45. There was plenty of time to make it across campus to the high school building to run her first homeroom of the school year, provided Kaori's teacher didn't keep her too long. She intended to introduce herself, leave Kaori in the teacher's capable hands, and head to work.
"Please excuse us," mother and daughter said in unison, bowing as they entered the room.
"Welcome to Sakura Class!" came the enthusiastic greeting. Azusa recognized the voice instantly.
As she came up out of her bow, she found herself staring into a thoroughly familiar set of chocolate-brown eyes. She knew those eyes well, because every square millimeter of them was burned into her memory. The realization hit her like a lightning bolt.
Yui!
The two women gaped at each other for a moment.
"Y…yu…er…Hih…Hirasawa-san…no, sensei…Hirasawa-sensei," Azusa stammered as the shock of recognition hit her.
Oh, my God, I can't believe it's her! She's Kaorin's teacher! Oh, Yui, is it really you?
Yui quickly recovered her wits, and her look of stunned amazement was replaced by a pleasant smile. Azusa knew in an instant that it was phony, plastered on only for her benefit. Yui's eyes told her so.
In all the years they were together, first as friends and then as lovers, she'd learned to read Yui through her eyes. It was actually fairly easy, once she got used to it, because Yui's emotions fairly shouted from those pools of brown. At the moment, Azusa could see exactly what she was feeling: confusion and surprise, and maybe a hint of wariness. To Azusa's relief, however, there were no traces of hatred or anger.
"Nakano-san…it's still Nakano-san, right?" Yui asked with an enthusiasm that didn't quite match her facial expression. "Wow, it's been such a long time, hasn't it? You haven't changed a bit. It's so awesome to see you again!"
Yui's friendly greeting chased away Azusa's fear of rejection. Once the initial panic subsided, it began to sink in that she was actually face to face with Yui for the first time in seven years. It was a reunion she had never expected, but that she had long wanted.
Pinch me…I must be dreaming! Oh, God, I can barely breathe! Pull yourself together, Nakano!
"You look great," she replied, struggling to keep her voice level and hoping her smile didn't look too eager. "This is such a nice surprise."
These were no mere pleasantries. Azusa thought Yui looked almost the same as she did the last time she'd seen her. Her hair was no longer in clips, there were a few tiny wrinkles around her eyes, and she carried herself with the maturity of adulthood. Otherwise it was the same old Yui. She looked as winsome as ever, with the same youthful beauty Azusa remembered. She had to work hard to keep from staring in spite of herself.
She's still so gorgeous…oh, God, I'm trembling…I can't let her see that!
"Excuse me," Kaori piped up from somewhere around waist level. "Are you my teacher? You're so pretty! See, Mama? I told you she would be!"
Yui's attention immediately shifted to her new student. She dropped to one knee in front of Kaori so that when they talked, she would be on the child's level.
"Good morning!" she said, beaming at the tiny girl. "Yes, I'm your new teacher. My name is Hirasawa-sensei. If that's too hard to pronounce, you can just call me 'Sensei' for now."
This time, Yui's smile was the genuine article, the kind of smile that bathed everyone who saw it in warmth and acceptance. There was a time Azusa lived for that smile, and she suddenly realized just how much she had missed seeing it. Even if it was directed at Kaori and not her, the sight of it melted something inside her that had been frozen for years.
"Hi-rah-sah-wah," Kaori repeated, struggling with the syllables before breaking out into a grin. "Ooh, that's fun to say! Hi-rah-sah-wah…Hi-rah-sah-wah…"
"Okay, don't overextend yourself," Yui chuckled. "Besides, it's your turn to tell me who you are."
After a momentary blank look, Kaori cleared her throat and smoothed the front of her jacket. Azusa suppressed a giggle at the sight of Kaori unconsciously mimicking her own mannerisms. The child paid no attention, focusing instead on the words she and her mother had so carefully rehearsed.
"My name is Kasuga Kaori," she said solemnly. "Everyone calls me Kaorin. Please take care of me from now on."
"It's super-nice to meet you, Kaorin," Yui replied, still smiling at her young charge. "We're going to have a lot of fun learning and playing together this year. Please take care of me as well."
The words "fun" and "playing" were too much for Kaori. Her temporary veneer of formality fell away, and she gasped with delight.
"We get to play here?" she exclaimed. "This place is so awesome! You're the best teacher ever!"
Before Yui could react, Kaori threw her arms around the brunette's neck and hugged her tightly. Yui returned the embrace without hesitation.
"Kaorin!" Azusa gasped. "Let her go! You're being too forward."
"It's okay – I get this a lot," Yui informed the chagrined mother. "I don't mind it at all."
No, of course you don't. You're just like Kaorin, aren't you? You've always been so open with your affections. To think I never appreciated those hugs when you gave them so freely…I wonder if they still feel as warm as they used to…wait, I shouldn't be thinking that!
After Yui had handed Kaori off to her assistant teacher, she turned back to Azusa. The two women looked at each other for a long moment. Azusa really had no choice in the matter, because those chocolate-brown eyes held her like a tractor beam.
Yui…I can't believe it…it's been so long. I never thought this day would come. I can't believe how glad I am – how truly happy – to see you again. If you only knew…
"You know, if you're not comfortable, I can speak to the principal about moving her," Yui said, misreading the look on Azusa's face.
"Please…don't," the shorter woman countered. "I feel so fortunate that it's you teaching Kaorin. The way you were with her just now…I can tell you're the ideal teacher for her. I couldn't have asked for anyone better."
"She's adorable," Yui giggled, glancing at Kaori, who had already attracted a crowd of admiring fellow students. "I'll bet you and your husband are really proud of her."
Azusa looked away, embarrassed.
"I'm a single mother," she said quietly. "Kaorin's father and I divorced before she was born. It's a long story."
Yui's head whipped around at this statement, and she gaped at Azusa in yet another moment of surprise. Then her eyes quickly filled with compassion and…something else. Something that, for the first time since she'd known Yui, Azusa wasn't able to read. Sadness? Pity? Empathy? She couldn't tell. After another long moment of awkward silence, Yui cleared her throat.
"I'll be doing my initial round of home visitations starting next week," she told Azusa. "Maybe we can talk about it then. The principal likes us to go in alphabetical order, but since we know each other, she won't mind if I visit you first. In fact, I think that's what I'll do. I can't wait for us to talk. We have so much catching up to do."
Azusa nodded.
Yes, we do. I have an apology I've been waiting seven years to deliver. And I have a lot of explaining to do. It looks like fate has given me my chance to finally make things right. At least you don't hate me, Yui. That'll make it a lot easier.
"Okay," she agreed out loud, rummaging around in her valise. "Here…I need to give you my card."
"Me, too," Yui replied, fishing hers out of a pocket. "My cell number is on there. If you have any questions about how Kaorin is doing – or even if you just want to talk – call me anytime outside school hours, okay?"
As they bowed and exchanged cards according to formal business etiquette, Azusa's fingers accidentally brushed against Yui's. It was the first time they'd touched each other since that final, awful day seven years earlier. Even though the contact was brief, Azusa had to work to keep herself from shivering. It felt electric, the way it had always felt when Yui touched her. She saw Yui react as well, her eyes widening momentarily, and a flush sweeping across her cheeks.
What the hell is going on here? I'm blushing like a schoolgirl, and so is she. This is silly. It's been seven years. She's moved on, for crying out loud. There's no way she'd ever think of me as…as anything more than an old friend. So why is my heart pounding like this?
"Wow, you teach at the Senior High?" Yui said as she inspected Azusa's card. "I guess I should be calling you Sensei, then. How long have you been there?"
"This is my second year," Azusa replied. "I was across town at a public high school before that. Sumiyoshi Senior High."
"I can't believe we've worked on the same campus for over a year and never run into each other until today," Yui marveled, her eyes never leaving Azusa's.
"Yeah," Azusa said, smiling weakly. "What are the odds?"
Those chocolate-brown eyes bored into hers, and suddenly the room seemed uncomfortably warm. To distract herself, she pulled out her cell phone to check the time. When she saw it was after 08:00, she gulped.
"I'm sorry to rush off like this, Sensei," she told Yui apologetically, "but I have to start homeroom in less than 30 minutes."
It took effort to tear her gaze away from Yui's, but she managed it. As she turned to go, Yui spoke.
"Nakano-sensei…"
Azusa stopped and turned to face Yui again, eyebrows raised in a questioning look.
"…don't worry about anything, okay?" the brunette said. "I promise I'll take special care of Kaorin. It's been really good seeing you again, and I mean that. I'm really looking forward to next time. Will I see you this afternoon?"
"I have a club meeting today," Azusa replied, surprised by how disappointed she felt. "Kaorin will be staying for after-care."
"Ah," Yui said, looking suddenly crestfallen. "I don't have late duty tonight. Well, it can't be helped. Tomorrow morning, then?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"I'll call you tonight to set up a home visit," Yui offered.
The shorter woman nodded, and Yui smiled again. It was such a beautiful sight that Azusa was transfixed, unable to find words. All she could do was smile back.
When Azusa showed up in her classroom with Kaori on that first day of school, Yui had been taken completely by surprise. She recovered her composure on the surface, but inside she had been reeling. Seeing Azusa for the first time in seven years sent emotions rocketing through her that she was completely unprepared for.
That night, after work, she had another one of those one-sided conversations with Mugi's picture. She sat on the bed with the picture frame in her hands, trying to process the impact of her unexpected reunion with Azusa.
Mugi-chan…guess what? I saw Azunyan today for the first time in years! Her daughter's in my kindergarten class! Can you believe that? Her daughter's name is Kaorin, and she is just so cute…you'd love her!
This isn't a coincidence, is it, Mugi-chan? This is the sign I asked you for. It's got to be.
She's still so pretty, Mugi-chan! And the old spark's still there. I felt it. I wonder if she felt it, too? She seemed really glad to see me. She's a single mother, and she isn't seeing anyone. How cool is that? I wonder…do you think she's even a possibility?
Yui frowned.
Like that's going to happen. I may be an optimist, but I'm 29, and I'm not a naive kid anymore. She looks so good to me, but geez…there are still so many unanswered questions. Azunyan and I have a lot to straighten out. We've got to get our friendship back first.
She sat silently for a few moments, gazing at Mugi's smiling face.
I know you were really angry at her in the beginning, but you forgave her, remember? After I told you how good she was to me behind closed doors, after you learned the whole story, you said you couldn't hate her.
I know you'd approve of us being together, for sure. In fact, if you were here, you'd probably tell me it makes perfect sense.
That's why this has to be your answer. That it's okay to move on. And that if it's with Azunyan, that's okay too.
I love you, Mugi-chan. I always will. But I'm ready to let go now, just like you wanted me to.
And with that, Yui kissed the blonde's picture one last time. However, instead of replacing the frame on her dresser, she put it in a drawer under a pile of clothes. Then she picked up her cell phone, paged through her contact list, and touched the "call" button.
"Hello, Nakano-sensei?…I'm fine, thanks, and you?…It's really good to hear your voice, too…I'm calling to set up that home visit. How does next Monday sound?"
A/N:
− Thanks to my talented and long-suffering editor and creative partner Musician74 for her valuable input during the writing of this chapter.
− Speaking of Musician74, check out her fanart for this chapter on deviantART: musician74 DOT deviantart DOT com/art/Yui-meets-a-young-Azu-295112588 . It's a picture of Yui's first meeting with Kaori. If you like kawaii, you will love this!
− Tachibana Gakuen Junior and Senior High School is an existing private school in Yokohama. From what I have been able to tell, it is quite competitive to get into. They have an affiliated kindergarten on the campus.
− The connection between Japanese teachers and the home environment is actually quite strong. During the opening weeks of the school year, elementary school teachers visit the home of every student so they can get a feel for the family environment and how it might affect school performance. Since kindergarten is voluntary in Japan, and therefore not considered part of the elementary system, it's not clear to me if kindergarten teachers do this. At a selective kindergarten like Tachibana Gakuen, however, it's certainly plausible.
− This chapter contains references to the movie Elf and the manga/anime Azumanga Daioh. A virtual cookie and retro-edit mention in this space go to the first reader to identify each reference in a review or PM.
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