Friede

There was, almost inevitably, a silence after the boys had left. Well, men, really, I suppose, but it was still all too easy to think of them as the boys, as if we were still young. We all looked at each other, Ayuna avoiding my eyes.

"Do you really think that it was him? Who did that?" Mai eventually asked.

"I wouldn't know, but I wouldn't be surprised." Ayuna sighed.

"It'd be the only real lead, wouldn't it?" Azami asked.

"I guess," I said with a shrug. "Though it's not like he was the only 'creepy' type that was around."

"No, you're right about that. They really didn't care that much about our safety, did they? Or at least, our feelings of safety? Did you see that article that kid published? About the different scandals that happened in Hope's Peak?" Ayuna asked.

"No?"

Mai and Azami also shook their heads and Ayuna pulled a face, taking out her phone.

"Lemme send you all the link, then you can have a look for yourselves. Some of this stuff even I didn't know about." She said. "It's actually kind of crazy."

Ayuna tapped out a message, and a couple of seconds later it arrived on all our phones and I immediately scrolled through.

"Oh, Reese-sempai!" Mai exclaimed after a moment, looking up from her own phone. "I remember her!"

"I do, too." Azami nodded. "Short brown hair, glasses, ripped jeans?"

"Yeah, and Australian!" Mai exclaimed. "I remember her having the accent whenever we practised English together…and she taught me some Australian slang, although I don't remember any of it anymore. I wonder how she's doing."

"Same, same." Ayuna laughed. "I remember wanting to use it in an exam…obviously I didn't, that would be stupid, but yeah. I don't know, actually. Perhaps when this is over we should try and get in touch with her and others we were friendly with…like…"

"Kanza…Kanzato-sempai?" Azami asked after a moment.

"Kanzaki! Coda Kanzaki." Ayuna corrected. "I met her once or twice at premieres and other work socials."

"Coda Kanzaki did music for your films?" I asked, curiously. "I didn't think that type of genre fit your type of genre."

"Well, not specifically for me, though she has done for some of my colleagues, but a couple of tracks were used in Pulse. " Ayuna said. "And you'd be surprised at what fits."

Lucius was a fan, I wanted to say. I had never been into that electronic-type music, and though I was supportive of someone I had considered a sort-of-friend I hadn't been able to bear it when Lucius played her tracks aloud at any opportunity. Even though he was my golden one, my bright child, I claimed headaches and worries about the neighbours so that he wouldn't play them aloud so often. He never had a problem with using headphones to not disturb others, but I knew he loved hearing the music around him, feel it seeping into the walls, and I knew Akagi loved it too. Possibly more than Lucius did, though I don't know if he liked the same specific music. It was a different experience that way, both of them had said. Yet I had denied Lucius that experience for any reason I could grasp at, as often as I could do it, no matter how tenuous those reasons.

I wish I hadn't done that. I had expected tragedy and loss, and with that in mind I shouldn't have denied him anything. Yet I had, and I regretted it so much. My pile of regrets was large, teetering, threatening to fall apart and overwhelm me.

I didn't know what to do.

"Are you two close or anything, then, you and Kanzaki-sempai?" Mai asked.

Ayuna shook her head.

"No, no. I wanted to be, but…well, while there was no necessity to cut off seniors or anything, I guess I needed to balance between our promise and wanting to still be connected. We're more distant work friends now than anything. The last time we talked was…few years ago, maybe?"

"That's…" Mai said.

"Well, what else was I supposed to do?" Ayuna said. "You tell me, what else was I supposed to do?"

"It's not like they were there though, so I don't see why you think blaming us for that makes sense." I said briskly.

Ayuna glared.

"Friede-chan," Mai scolded. "That's not fair!"

It wasn't, I knew. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I wasn't sure if I meant it or not but all the same, I apologised. There was a beat or so before to my surprise, it was Azami who spoke up.

"Maybe when this is over, you really should try and re-connect again."

Ayuna blinked at that, and then smiled.

"You know what, that's exactly what I will do."

Azami blushed slightly at that, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Yes, why not?" I said, though I personally had no intention of doing any such thing. "But in any case, whether we think it's him or any of the other people we met back then, how are we going to go about telling?"

"What do you mean, how will we go about it?" Mai asked.

"Well, I mean, it's not like it's going to be one confessional and that's it, we're done, is it?" I asked. "They're going to ask us things, over and over, and drag everything out of us. Everything. Every. Little. Thing. Over and over."

And then they'll find out what we almost did, I tried to convey to Mai. Looking at her, I saw her eyes had gone wide, and I was sure that she was thinking of it too. Would there really be a way of hiding that we had tried to end it all ourselves if we were going to reveal what was really going to happen?

"Yes, this is…it's just going to upend our lives, and…our children's too. They're going to have to live with the fact that we were…what? Accessories to murder?" Mai asked. "Did you think of that? How would we get past that? I don't….I don't want to have to go over everything, over and over and over…"

"Well, it's not really fair to discuss it with the others not here, but that's what I was going to propose."

"What was?" I asked, confused.

"A way of minimising the number of times we'd need to hash it out. I think it's inevitable we'll be asked things over and over though, to be fair. That's how an investigation works." Ayuna said. "But, I thought that perhaps a written statement might help at least That's what I was going to suggest."

"A…written statement?" Mai asked.

"You mean we write like, a letter or something?" Azami said. "Telling them everything that happened?"

"Yes, pretty much." Ayuna said. "All of us, getting together and writing a summary of everything that happened from as many perspectives as possible. Making it clear that we'll clarify anything that needs clarifying but the main details…well, the main details, we'll leave it there, and only there."

"Do you think that'd work?" Azami asked, tilting her head.

"I don't know," Ayuna confessed. "But it's the only idea that makes sense to me. And I thought it'd be easier on some of you…I'm sure that even if we didn't have the weight of our promise on our shoulders, the past is still so difficult to talk about, right?"

"I suppose then we'd have to explain too why we never said anything sooner, right? That's the first thing they'll want to know, isn't it? Otherwise they'll expect the worst in that regard." I mused.

And, they'll be seeing the worst soon, anyway, won't they?

"I don't think there's any getting away from that really though, is there?" Azami admitted. "And I think that really, I want this now. At the least I'd like to know what actually happened and why…after all, with me the situation is different, isn't it? I still know more than the world from physically being there, but I'm disadvantaged in comparison to you all. You still know more than me."

There was a silence at that. I had to admit that such a perspective had never occurred to me before. I'd thought it a blessing that Azami had been so oblivious, that in the end returning to the world and never remembering anything would be the best thing. I wanted to forget, and I could have done so many things to blot my mind out, but I never had. No, I'd done the socially acceptable thing of getting married, having children, juggling domestic life and a career and pretending I was normal. I had thought that was enough.

And then Akagi had had to go and do what he did. It didn't matter that it was an accident in all ways, he'd done it. He'd ruined the life I'd thought I'd built up, even if he hadn't meant to. He'd brought about his own heartbreak-he shouldn't have been born in the first place, then Lucien wouldn't have died and he wouldn't have felt the pain of losing a twin. Of course, it wasn't his fault that he'd been born. I knew that, too. But being a twin, or even a sibling, it only led to bad things. I'd tried to believe my husband when he said that what had happened to me and my friends was abnormal, that it didn't necessarily mean that it'd happen again. And I loved him, and I wanted to blot everything out, so I believed him. I'd really tried.

And look where that had led me.

"I suppose that's a good point, but I don't think we should really decide anything for sure until they get back…what's taking them so long?" Mai asked.

"Maybe they're having to work particularly hard reasoning with Jinsai," I suggested, relieved to not have to offer my opinion in relation to Azami. "You know what he can be like."

Ayuna laughed at that, shaking her head.

"Goodness, yes. I remember really quizzing our science teacher on…I can't remember, exactly, but somehow he found something to philosophise over in relation to evolution."

"I mean, evolution is strange," Mai pointed out. "How can it explain something as…unbelievable as what happened to us? What purpose could something like that hold?"

"If it has something to do with him, then I guess money, fame…I don't know if he's the extramarital affair type, but-"

"Oh, let's just say his name."

This was rich of me, I knew, as someone who'd just tried to bury, bury, bury everything. But I was tired of pussy-footing around it as we had been doing this entire conversation, so I continued:

"It's just us here, isn't it, and we all know who we're talking about, so we may as well just say the name, say that it's-"

I snapped my mouth shut abruptly as Mai suddenly got up and answered her phone. Huh, when had that rung?

"Hi, Juro…no, not at home, with Azami-chan and the others…yes, but later on. Why? No, that's…Azami-chan in particular? No, you don't need to pick any of us up but Juro, I've got…alright. Alright. No, I'm alright, please don't worry about me."

It was pretty clear what going on, so it wasn't much of a surprise when Mai hung up and looked at us:

"They need to question us again. All of us. They've found something else."

"Something else?" Ayuna asked. "Related to the videos?"

"What else could it be?" I asked.

"…"

"Ah, I'll call them first, let them know, then we should go, right?" Mai jumped in, already scrolling and presumably looking for the number.

"Yes, that's a good idea." Ayuna said.

It's over. It's all over, and falling apart even more. And the worst thing was, I could do nothing but just sit there and take it, the way I always had.

…

Azami

I was to be interviewed by Detectives Kurosawa and Hirawa, but I wasn't sure who the others were to be interviewed by. I'd heard Mai reminding her husband about her class, and I assumed they'd wrangled something to let her go there and come back, since she hadn't ended up waiting with us. I had to guess that whatever video-related thing they wanted to interview her about it was not so pressing as mine.

Or as damning, I found myself thinking, even though I had no idea what it was they could have found. Had any deaths even happened in anyone's bedrooms? I didn't think so, but I couldn't be sure.

"You've found something?" I asked. "Something…something about Akari?"

I sat down and looked over as the two detectives settled themselves down, with Detective Hirawa doing something on a laptop busily, his forehead furrowed deeply. It was Detective Kurosawa who gave me a reassuring smile and a nod as he set up the recording.

"Yes, that's right. We need to ask you some questions about your sister's death but first, we'd like you to have a look at this. "

Detective Hirawa passed the laptop to Detective Kurosawa, who handed it over to me turned it around so that the screen now faced me. There was a paused video on the screen, but I wasn't sure what it was meant to show from the still that I could see.

"For the purpose of the recording, I am showing Azami Kishinami an extract of the video titled 'Azami Kishinami Off Cuts-2019.04.28'.

Off-cuts? What did that mean, exactly? Was that a film-shooting term or did it mean something else? And more to the point, were the others also watching clips from their rooms, too?

"Are you ready?" Detective Kurosawa asked me.

I wasn't, really, but I nodded. Detective Kurosawa gave me a look but then simply pressed play.

The video started somewhere in the middle, though not exactly, and now I could recognise the scene as being that of the room I had slept in back in Shirohata. The bar at the bottom showed it was closer to the end than it was to the start. The pink and blue of our hair popped out almost immediately and I stared for a long moment, seeing only those pops of colour and remembering how we had more or less cleared a shop of different coloured hair dyes. Eizo had lent some of his, too. I remembered us going into homeroom each morning with differently coloured streaks each morning and gathering opinions until finally, we settled on our pink and blue.

It took me a moment to actually focus on what was happening. I stared at my younger self, pouting at my sister. I recognised the exasperation on her face-clearly, we were having a spat. But about what?

"Is there any audio?" I asked quietly.

"I'm afraid not." came the reply.

I kept watching, still none the wiser about what we may have been arguing about. Possibly something to do with the situation? She had been very scared of the whole situation-it was why we'd ended up sharing our room instead- I knew that much, but…thankfully, whatever it was, I hadn't had the heart to persist for very long because I quickly gave in and hugged her. I then watched as Akari sighed and patted my head and then we got around to getting ready for bed.

The video seemed like it was on a faster speed, because soon the lights went out and the place was bathed in that strange green glow of night. At first, it just looked like the two of us were fast asleep.

But then, Akari stirred.

Wait, could this be? My shoulders tensed and I leant forward as I watched Akari sit up and look at me, before reaching into her pyjama pocket and taking out a piece of paper. Despite the night-time view and the fact this wasn't zoomed in enough for me to see many details about the paper itself I realised instantly what it must have been.

"She said she didn't get a note."

"What?"

I couldn't look up and respond to that question, whatever it was. I just had to keep watching as she looked back at me, then the note, then me again before suddenly reaching under the mattress. I held my breath as slowly she pulled something out and then got up. At first, she seemed to be concealing it but once she was properly up, I could see that it was a knife.

Oh no, a knife. A knife…that means… I watched as Akari walked away and just like that, the video ended. It's true then. It's true then, that she died for me. Of course I had known it was true, ever since Eizo had said it but even so…even so…

"Kishinami-san?" I heard Detective Hirawa asked.

"Hey, are you alright?"

"I…"

"Kishinami-chan, your lip's bleeding."

I blinked, and then lightly touched my lips. When I moved my fingers away I saw a few drops of blood. Oh. I must have bitten my lip at one point, but I didn't remember doing it. Detective Kurosawa handed me a tissue and as I used it, he asked.

"Do you need a moment?" he asked.

"I, just…"

"It's alright, take your time."

"Is this…was this the night she died?" I asked. "This…scene?"

"It appears so, yes. " Detective Hirawa said. "I know that this may not be possible, but do you remember anything about that night, of April the 27th 2019?"

I frowned.

"April 27th?"

"That is when this video was recorded, yes."

"Oh…so, you know the actual dates that…that everything happened?"

"Essentially, yes, though I can appreciate that probably doesn't mean a terrible lot to you," Detective Kurosawa said. "Now…see if you can think back? Seeing that, do you remember anything about what happened then? What you were arguing about, for instance?"

"I…I don't remember the specifics." I started, slowly. "But…Akari was scared, and suspicious. And I was too of course, but I…I still hung out with the others, I didn't mind being around them. Especially Eizo, of course."

"Because the two of you were dating, right?"

"Yeah."

It occurred to me that my lack of memory was a burden on Eizo, too. How would it feel to have shared so many happy memories with someone only for them to not remember them? Of course, there was plenty from before but after our captivity it had all become blurry, hazy, as if stained by the events. And we hadn't ever really ended, had we? We'd never formally broken up or ended things or whatever it was called these days. It had been ended, for us, by circumstance and tragedy. Of course wanting to start again made no sense to me, essentially wiped clean.

But it wasn't as if I was completely wiped clean anyway. I remembered enough, didn't I? And Eizo was…well, he was Eizo. The past was not a place we could go back to, and I still didn't think I was good enough for a second chance. But I would have liked to be. I would have liked to be happy with him, and specifically him, now that the thought had come up.

"I had a lot of friendships in the class anyway, and even without the whole…abduction thing," I quickly continued before I could drift off into daydream. "Akari was a little more reserved anyway. But she'd liked a good few too…and all that changed, really. Everyone and anyone was suspicious and she didn't like me hanging around with the others so easily as I kept doing. "

"So she would often try to keep you away, in your room and just with her."

"And she had to drag me there, sometimes." I said, gesturing to the video. "Then again, we were like that. Bossy older sister, cheeky younger sister."

I smiled, despite myself. Detective Kurosawa returned the smile and then cleared his throat.

"You said that your sister had said that she didn't have a note. What note?"

I stared at Detective Kurosawa.

"When did I say that?"

Now Detective Kurosawa's brow furrowed slightly, his gaze concerned.

"Just a few moments ago, Kishinami-chan. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes….I think so…"

I hadn't remembered anything about whether Akari had received a note back when Eizo had ended up having to tell me that it was Moeka who had killed her, but now for some reason there was something, a faint memory.

"No, I didn't get anything, I don't think…I didn't check my pockets. Aka-rin, did you?"

"I did. There was nothing there. I promise."

That was it. Just the words, nothing more. I couldn't remember where in the building we were, or when precisely this had been. I didn't even remember what she was wearing or how her face looked as she said this. Yet, the words were in my head now and they only meant one thing. That Akari had lied to me. To protect me, because would I have not done the same thing if the situation had been reversed?

This somehow made the knowledge of what had happened to her worse.

"I…actually, I don't think I'm alright."

"Okay then, we'll pause for now."

…

Juro

"It's alright, you didn't need to come here just to leave so soon." I apologised to Mai.

"No, it's fine, they did ask for all of us, right…and if I leave now it's not too bad. I don't want to miss classes just as I'm trying to get some normal back. The questions weren't too bad…not as bad as I was expecting."

"What did they ask?" I found myself asking before I could quite stop myself.

Mai tilted her head curiously at me, but shrugged.

"They asked me about Lilian, what she was writing in her diaries. Apparently she spent a lot of time writing in them…"

"Yeah, you mentioned that before, briefly. Something about her scrapbooks?"

Mai blinked at me.

Sadie held the box of things and considered it.

"Did you want to open it and check everything's there?" I asked.

"No, no, that's fine, thank you. I'm not even sure I remember everything that I had with me anyway…but that's kind, for you to do this."

"It's not a problem."

"Say, what about…the ones who died? What's happening with their things?"

"They'll be sent to the families, don't worry."

"Oh, that's good…say, with Lilian-chan…?"

"What is it?" I asked immediately. "You were close to her, was there something of hers you wanted?"

Sadie's eyes widened.

"Oh, no, no nothing like that. It's just I was thinking about her scrapbook…she was upset when it didn't come with us to…over there. She'd thought it was gone forever and it had all the pictures and things she was going to show her sisters. She used some old notebooks that were in the storage rooms while we were there, instead, but those disappeared too…"

Sadie abruptly cut off, eyes widening. Quickly, I reassured her.

"I'm not sure off the top of my head what of Lilian's they found or not, but I'm sure they will send it all over, there's nothing to worry about."

"Oh…okay."

"Hey, it's alright, really."

Sadie did her best to smile at me, but I could tell that her heart really wasn't in it.

"Anyway, I do remember later finding out that they didn't find those diaries at all, but they did find the scrapbook- though it was ruined."

"Oh."

Mai let out a breath, and something flickered on her face before she put her hands to her chest. I stared at her, but she didn't seem to notice as she was reminiscing. Was that…could that be…no, that was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

"She loved her scrapbooks and diaries, I remember. She was writing in them pretty much every day we were on the trip, even in that moment…but they asked me about the diaries. If I knew what was in them, if I ever saw her writing in them and where they could have gone."

"I see," I said, knowing that I could not ask even if I wanted to. "I imagine she spent a lot of time writing in her room."

"Yeah, I think that's why they asked and well…I did see her writing, but she was always secretive. Besides, they've gone, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "They're gone."

If we had found the diaries, what would have been in them? I didn't think we'd still be here twenty years later still trying to piece it together from so many different things. Perhaps by now, Mai would have been…well, not over it, but at least it'd get to be properly behind us. It would have all been solved and that would have been for the better. I wouldn't be in this position.

As we got to the end of the corridor, I stopped.

"I'll have to leave you here, there's uh…a lot of other things I've got to do."

"Oh, sure, of course. Are you coming home tonight?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know when you can."

Mai bit her lip for a moment, and then smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss my cheek before turning away and continuing down without saying goodbye. Instead of turning back straight away as I was supposed to I watched her gradually getting further away. Nothing felt right anymore, and I had the feeling that we were about to find out something horrific, something that would change things even more. I'd finally found out what had really happened, and then what would happen to our lives? The truth always changed things, and sometimes not for the better? I'd seen it before, secrets surfacing and leaving the left-behind, the loved ones, all the peripheral people reeling.

What would it do to us, to find out the reason why she had seemed relieved that Lilian Lao's Shirohata diaries had never been found?

I sighed, realising that Mai had long since disappeared and I rubbed my eyes, heading back down the corridor with the intention of going back to the witness statements.

"Ah, there you are!"

I looked up to see Evalynn bounding towards me.

"The Superintendent wants more people on the videos while the other survivors are being questioned."

"Wha-me?" I pointed to myself. "But Evalynn-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but she wants you on Teiichi Kazama's videos so that should be fine."

"What about the witnesses?"

"Remind me-you're trying to track down scouts and the like, right/"

"Right."

"Ah, stick a uniform on those. These videos are potentially the first bits of real leads that we have had, after the trackers. You know, I really think we're gonna end up being able to crack it this time around."

But, I don't want to.

"Hey," Evalynn paused and put her hands on her hips. "What is it? I can tell, you're making that face."

"I'm fine."

"Well then, get your sleeves rolled up and let's get going."

I looked down at my arms.

"My sleeves are rolled up."

Evalynn tipped her head back and cackled, and despite myself I couldn't help but laugh too, even if only for a moment. I followed her back down the corridor to the incident room, where we made sure the tasks we had been doing were passed onto the appropriate uniformed officers. It occurred to me that I should check on Akio-I'd received an update on Sachi from Nobu via Kanon, and apparently she and Naomi were just fine, getting along like a house on fire. Apparently today they were going to an amusement park, and I dreaded to imagine what would happen after Sachi had her fill of candyfloss (and then some, because this was Sachi). I would have to thank Nobu and Kanon properly once this was all over-I was sure that Mai would be more than happy to make them something as a thank you gift…

…assuming that things hadn't completely fallen apart by then.

I shook my head, then sighed. There wasn't time, but I was sure that Akio would be fine. I'd simply have to text him later when I knew for sure whether I'd be home or not and I was contacting Mai anyway. Yes, he'll be fine.

And so, I left it for the time being, and then went to see if I could get any insight into Teiichi Kazama's final hours.

…

Mai

He wasn't going to come home.

Even if he said he didn't know, I knew that he wasn't going to come home. After all, I was a conflict of interest now, a victim. I was sure that they still would not have been able to piece everything, or even anything, together to get to the truth but already he was seeing me in the way he would see me. And I knew that once we had written this 'statement' that was it. That would be it.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

My first class back went smoothly, and for a little while all that mattered was the dance, and guiding the teenagers through it. All the little routines of teaching, the boring admin bits and the chaos that came with large groups of teenagers. But then, it was over, and once the room emptied it all came rushing back to me. I wasn't sure how I managed to get myself together, clean up and head out. I didn't even know if I'd said goodbye to anyone while heading out or not, let alone how I managed to get myself home.

It was something that in the end I didn't have to go back-at the time, all they'd specifically wanted to ask me was about Lilian. Those diaries that she'd so obsessively written, determined to keep a record of what was happening to us just in case the worst happened to her. So that her sisters would know. Or 'sisters' I should have been saying, really, but even so. Family was family, but oh that wasn't the point.

Keeping this all secret, it had failed her too, hadn't it? I was starting to see why Ayuna was so passionate about telling now, and why Azami was thinking it. I couldn't fail them either when I had already failed one friend. But everything was falling apart-perhaps I was able to leave now, but I knew that I'd be called back sooner or later-after all, they'd probably end up finding videos of elsewhere, wouldn't they? If they'd managed to find these ones. I had no idea if the others were still in interview or not-I couldn't look at my phone. Right now, it'd make everything seem louder.

It's over.

It's over.

It's over.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

The condemnation just kept ringing and ringing in my head. Finally seeing my front door, emotion swelled up in my throat and I had to hold my breath to hold it in while I was still out there. Fumbling in my bag, it took me three tries before I could grip my keys and take them out, and my hands shook even when I succeeded. I somehow managed to open the door on the first try, practically flying inside and then hurrying to lock it, fumbling even more in the attempts to do it. But when I did, all the energy left me and all I could do was curl up by the door and cry. I wanted Juro here, I wanted Akio and Sachi. I wanted all of them around me, filling the house with their noise and warmth, to be able to hug them all and ask them about their days and over-feed them. I wanted all my normal life, back as it was, with all the bad things far, far away and little more than a distant memory.

Oh, I just wanted it back.