Ta-dah! I'm back:) Thanks to roveme, rcr, spacefood, kyna96, and to all the guest reviewers. I kept in mind the things you pointed out (I don't know how I did though), and felt full with the bowls of zenzai you gave me.
And now, the full story...
Please leave your comments and critiques on the review section. Once again, I'd really appreciate it if you could rate BITSWeS 1 bowl of zenzai to 10 bowls of zenzai, with 1 being "What's happening? Do I exist?" and 10 being "I felt full and satisfied". Thank you and love lots!
THE SUMMER AFTER Kiba boarded the ship for the three-year ninja exchange program to the Land of Water, Shino got everything Kiba had wanted. Among other things the promotion he missed, a salary raise, the dinky gray supervisor's office…
Eying its sullen corners as he scrubbed the ink-blotched desk, Shino considered what Kiba would've done to suit himself: a cozy space for Akamaru, a buzzing coffee machine on top the side drawer—he'd count himself the luckiest man in the world. He'd be loud and eager. He wouldn't be cleaning and apathetic.
At the start, Kiba had even bragged about retiring together, staying as one unit till their hairs grayed. But in a rickety shed by the pub where Kiba drowned his rejection blues, he suddenly announced going to Water. They couldn't stay the same all throughout, Kiba had said, and tried to convince Shino it was all for the thrill of experience. But Shino had seen through him, why he wanted out.
He called Kiba a coward running away. Kiba begged to differ: "You're the one running away! You're always in denial!".
They didn't talk after that and Team 8 officially disbanded.
Shino raked his tissue trash to the bin underneath. Kicking it back in, he watched Hinata busy herself with the incoming documents log by the front window. She caught him glancing and knocked on the glass three times.
"Lunch?" Hinata shook two bento boxes in her other hand, smiling as she did. But her smile wasn't what it once was.
After Kiba left, she had started training as health care provider on weekends. When Hinata requested that she'd be allowed to visit his ailing grandmother as part of training, Shino gave permission without afterthought. Not only was she medic during the war, but he had always felt health care suited her more than being cooped up in a stifling office the whole day.
In the office pantry, the large ceiling fan only blew hot air. Gone along with Kiba was the noise, his bragging and gossip, and they both ate in silence. But Shino now had Kiba's share of Hinata's egg rolls and rice balls. She still prepared bento enough for three people, and Shino wondered if she blamed herself for Kiba's decision; at times, he also doubted if Hinata staying at the Bureau was merely so she'd have other things to think about.
"Are you alright with this?" said Shino.
"With what?" Hinata's eyes widened as she chomped the end of her chopsticks.
Alright with whatever is happening. Are you alright with just me?
"Visiting my grandmother." He gulped and licked his lips clean. "Aren't you worried? There might be rabid termites. Or wriggling maggots infesting the floorboards. The walls. Or maybe bugs in the soup we serve…"
Hinata began tidying up. "I remember your birthday. Were we thirteen? You told us the same thing. But I already brought you cake and wanted to see your house no matter what. Kiba really hated it but followed anyway. We were both very careful, going inside on tiptoes the whole time, even when your floors were obviously polished hardwood. Thinking about it now, if there truly were, I'm sure you've already given them names." She eyed him good-humoredly. "So have you named them yet?"
Hinata's eyes are special. Not in the Byakugan sense, how core-less yet all seeing they are. It's the way they pierce that Shino couldn't turn away. He wished he didn't feel sorry for her without feeling like a hypocrite. Because now, Naruto was coming in through the door calling out to them and Hinata didn't have the usual blush in her cheeks. Instead, she was brought to a stand still and slowly, painfully, formed a practiced amicable smile as she turned.
Shino held a sense of guilt; he could clearly remember the last conversation with Naruto, the resignation he felt. And in the aftermath, the sadness, the sympathy—and he should really be ashamed.
Because out of it, he found hope for himself.
Rain pattered along Ichiraku's tent. Shino practically dragged himself to the nearest store to calm his nerves with mild broth, bogged down thinking how Hinata would react, how she'd take it: Kiba was leaving. She'd be too kind, she'd never stop Kiba. But she'd be sad. Shino already turned sullen at the thought. An equally troubled Naruto joined in later.
"I'm thinking of confessing, Shino… I've liked her for a while now I feel I need to get it out there, y'know," said Naruto, brooding over a noodle stuck in his bowl.
Naruto hadn't exactly specified who was 'her'. Unintentionally, Hinata's face flashed Shino's mind, how working at the Intelligence Bureau made her see the Hokage's apprentice more often, her sweet humming as she segregated documents thereafter.
He was shocked, petrified even. But shouldn't he be glad? Isn't this the right thing finally happening?
"I think both of us had been very shy," said Naruto. "Now that Sasuke's back in the village, now that he promised to turn over a new leaf and get away from trouble, I… felt there could be space for other things, you know? Like, a space for us. For real this time."
Shino flatly agreed.
Naruto asked what 'girls' liked (as if Shino knew about girls in general). Shino advised sunflowers, the sure token to a 'girls' smile. Food; not ramen. Because Naruto was that predictable. And while 'girls' could finish ramen bowls piled more than a foot high, she'll definitely appreciate something sweet like zenzai.
As he did this, Shino felt numb. Then the feeling rose to an emancipation of sorts. This was where everything they knew about her was supposed to end up. He was merely returning lost pieces to their rightful owner. And as Naruto clung to his every word, those pieces were being received. Cherished.
However, during Kiba's farewell party, as the rest shouted cheers raising canned beers and sugary fruit sodas, Shino was transfixed at the sunflower on Sakura's lap, at Naruto and Sakura's fingers touching too long for comfort, their gazes lingering.
Naruto had meant Sakura.
Why did he think Naruto meant Hinata?
On second thought, why shouldn't he? Wasn't that what was supposed to happen?
Shino had no business sending Kiba off, but he sat stubbornly, hands in empty pockets, at a discreet corner bench beside Hinata. It was hard to take in. Hinata watched the painful scene unfold, her face unchanged with a passive, conceding look.
Elsewhere, Kiba was too occupied singing off-key with an equally drunk, half-naked Chouji. Everyone were having a blast except the two of them. A mockery of circumstance. As if fate was saying this was their common ground.
Shino couldn't count the times Hinata had to suffer this way; the letters she couldn't send Naruto with her thumbs shaking, the extra lunch boxes, her favorite Naruto quotes repeated like a broken record motivating them as a team. Why does it always end up like this?
"Are you alright?" he asked, although he knew she'll say yes because she never truthfully answered these kinds of questions. She's always alright even if she wasn't.
She swirled her can and drank the last drop, long hair brushing past her shoulders, exposing unblemished neck. She paused, almost in a daze. "I'll miss Kiba kun. But I'm also happy. He's really becoming more of an adult now."
"I wasn't—" Shino wasn't meaning Kiba. He understood she might not want to talk about it. Had she known beforehand? About Sakura accepting Naruto's confession? When for years it was her who waited all along?
And just as Shino felt like she'd cry and he was prepared to take her some place else, her gaze cut to him abruptly stopping his thoughts.
"You're here, Shino kun," Hinata said.
Shino's insects buzzed, the new larvae especially frenzied. Greedy. They sensed perturbation, his chakra shaken like liquid almost spilling out the cup. Shino struggled to find the right words and blurted out a singular "What." Because Naruto used to be always there, available. And then Kiba. It had always been that way.
He never counted.
"You're here so I won't be missing people twice as much," she said. The small of her head leaned to his shoulder. "I've been spoiled enough. You two are like big brothers always looking after me."
Shino fixed his goggles higher up his nose. "Of course," he said, smooth as though self-assured.
When the truth was—
"You're here, Shino." So you've got me all to yourself.
Shino realized he struggled more on finding the correct meaning.
He could imagine how it must had been for Kiba: a loose evening after work, no dangers lurking around, Hinata looking at him and he had been so taken by her, so charming and pure, her mouth peachy, full of things unsaid. He could imagine Kiba's split second pleasure turning to pain. But unlike Kiba, no confession escaped Shino's lips. And he terribly wished Naruto had really meant Hinata.