Vima looks at the Council before he starts the video. "Before we begin I have two guests joining us today."
"Who would be joining us?" Padme asks.
"Senators Bail Organa and Riyo Chuchi." He says with a smile.
"Oh I think that will be perfect." The Senator of Naboo says with a smile. "They are two of the most compassionate senators I know and I'm sure they'll enjoy it."
The doors to the Council Chambers open and the two senators walk in. An older man and a younger blue woman walk in, Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan and Senator Riyo Chuchi of Pantora.
"Senators." Mace Windu says. "A pleasure to see you."
"A pleasure to see you as well Master Jedi." Bail says as he and Riyo look at Padme and smile. "I see Senator Amidala is here as well."
"I've actually been here for a while." Padme says.
"We both received invitations to come to the Jedi Temple and see something that would catch our interest." Riyo says. "But we haven't been informed of what."
"You are here to see the planet known as Earth." Vima says making his presence known to the senators, shocking them both.
"And who might you be?" Riyo asks.
"I am Vima, an artificial intelligence from the planet Earth." He says taking a bow. "At your service."
"I can't say I've heard of such a planet." Bail says.
"That is because it's not in our Galaxy." Anakin says getting looks of shock from the senators.
"Not in our Galaxy? But how is that possible?" He asks.
"An explanation for another time." Vima says. "For now you're getting a crash course of the history of my world. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the viewing."
As Vima begins to play the video, Bail and Riyo go to Anakin, Ahsoka, and Padme, the latter handing them a couple cherries. "What's this?" Senator Chuchi asks.
"A fruit from Earth, it's called a Cherry." Padme says with a smile. Both eat the cherries and their eyes widen from the sweetness of it as Chuchi smiles and puts her hand on her cheek with her eyes closed.
"It's delicious." She says.
The camera opens on text that says, "Hi." As the NARRATOR continues to speak, we're shown a globe from Google Earth.
NARRATOR: Hi, you're on a rock floating in space. Pretty cool, huh? Some of it's water. Fuck it, actually, most of it's water. I can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.
A plane is shown flying from South America to Africa. The plane fades off the screen, and a lone, sad stick figure is shown standing on Africa.
NARRATOR: It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you.
The camera pans left across the globe to show more sad stick figures also standing on South America, North America, and Europe.
CHORUS: How did this happen?
"So I can already tell this will be different." Obi-Wan states before looking at Vima. "Is this completely accurate?"
Vima nods slightly. "Most of what happens in the beginning is really just a theory, but it makes the most sense." He states getting a nod from him.
NARRATOR: A long time ago- Actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere, you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how "every" it gets.
A long pause happens.
The Council sat in thought as the Narrator explained. "That's...something.." Ahsoka said unsure of what she just heard.
"But it is something to think about." Plo says putting a hand on his chin. "I don't understand this completely, but I think I understand where he was going."
NARRATOR: Forget this. I wanna be something. Go somewhere. Do something. I want things to change. I want to invent time and space, and I know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. I just don't know when to start, and that's exactly where it started.
"Wait it didn't start yet?" Ahsoka joked getting a few chuckles from everyone else.
The sound of VCR fast forwarding plays.
NARRATOR: Ooh, I paused it. I think there's a universe now. What's it made of?
CHORUS: Quarks and stuff!
NARRATOR: Ah, that's a thing, in a place. Don't like it? Try a new place, at a different time. Try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier, but it's not empty yet. It's still very full and about a kjghpillion degrees.
About no seconds pass.
NARRATOR: Great news! The quarks are now happily married and in groups of three, called a proton or a neutron, and there's something else floating around too that wants to join in but can't because it's still too-
An explosion goes off while the screen says, "HOT."
"So this is the science of the Terrans?" Mace asks.
"Yes." Vima says simply. "We had to learn everything we could."
"What do you mean by 'we?'" Padme asks him. Vima looks over at her with a slightly nervous look as he shuffled a bit, but eventually composed himself.
"Well I mean, I am from Earth." He says. "My creator treated me as if I was human."
"Why would your creator treat you like that?" Mace asked confused.
"Oh right, you Jedi don't get attached to things with that outdated code of yours." The AI said getting looks from everyone in the room.
"Outdated?" Ki Adi Mundi asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, a very outdated and pointless code." He says with his usual smile. "Such as not being emotionally attached to anything or anyone." He says making a very subtle eye movement to Anakin and Padme, who both, as well as Obi-Wan and Rex, started to slightly get worried that the couple was about to be ratted out.
"Well I wouldn't expect a droid like you to understand." Mace said. "You are intelligent, but you don't know the emotions of a living being, nor would you understand the Force and the power it holds." That got a slight twitch from Vima's left eye. But then Yoda spoke.
"Hear you out about the code, later we will." The Grandmaster stated. "Always a smart decision, to listen to an outsiders perspective."
"That is all I ask." Vima says starting the video back up.
10 minutes pass.
NARRATOR: Great news! The protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other. Some of them even doubled up.
About 380,000 years pass.
NARRATOR: Great news! The electrons have now joined in. Congratulations! The world is now a bunch of gas in space, but it's getting closer together...
10 million years pass.
NARRATOR: ...and it's getting closer together...
500 million years pass.
NARRATOR: ...and it's getting closer toget-
An explosion occurs.
CHORUS: It's a star!
"Is that really how a star is made?" Ahsoka asks.
"Yes. That is all a star is, condensed and exploding gas." Aayla said with a nod.
NARRATOR: New shit just got made. Some stars burn out and die. Bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit...
"So if stars die, what would happen to the planets around them?" The Padawan of the Chosen One asked.
"Essentially your atmospheres will eventually decay and every living thing will freeze to death as the plants die from lack of photosynthesis." Vima says making Ahsoka's eyes widen in horror.
"T-that won't happen right?" She asks.
"The Stars in your galaxy are still relatively young. It won't be for billions of years until they finally die out." That got a sigh of relief from the young Torguta.
CHORUS: Space dust!
NARRATOR: ...which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into-
CHORUS: Even crazier space dust!
NARRATOR: ...so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things, like this ball of flaming rocks for example.
NARRATOR: Holy shit! We just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kind of made a mess, which is-
CHORUS: Now the Moon!
"Is that really how the Terrans got their moon?" Rex asks.
"Yes. I'm going to be completely honest, the fact that there is life on Earth at all is a miracle because in their galaxy, life is rare." Vima states. "And it's an even bigger miracle that there is life on the planet after all the punishment it endured. Multiple extinction events, meteors crashing into the planet, all things that should make Earth into a lifeless wasteland. And yet the planet endured and is thriving. It's...unique."
That got looks of surprise from everyone in the room. "Well..." Bail said in surprise. "That's certainly interesting."
"It's like Padme said earlier, our planet is fragile and majestic, but strong and there is more than meets the eye." The AI said continuing the video.
The year is now -4,000,000,000.
NARRATOR: Weather update, it's raining rocks from outer space.
NARRATOR: Weather update, those rocks might have had water inside them, and now, there's hot steam in the sky.
NARRATOR: Weather update, cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.
NARRATOR: Weather update, it's raining.
NARRATOR: Severe flooding alert! The entire world is now an ocean.
NARRATOR: Volcano alert!
CHORUS: That's land!
OCEAN: (Mumbles) There's life in the ocean.
"What did it say?" Ki Adi asked.
"I think it said there's life in the ocean." Aayla said.
"It did." Riyo says.
NARRATOR: What?
CHORUS: Something's alive in the ocean.
"So we were right." Anakin smiled.
IMMATERIAL OBSERVER (IO): Oh, cool. Like, a plant or an animal?
The camera zooms in on a single-cell organism.
NARRATOR: No, a microscopic speck. It lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever.
The cell divides. Making a 'shew' sound.
NARRATOR: Oh, yeah, and it can do that.
Those cells divide many more times. Shew shew shew.
NARRATOR: It has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. So that's pretty nifty, I would say.
NARRATOR: Tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?
CHORUS: Now you can eat sunlight!
The year is now -3,000,000,000.
NARRATOR: Using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food.
CHORUS: Taste the sun!
"Why does it sound like those advertisements you'd see for products?" Anakin asks.
"Because they are also on Earth." Vima says with a chuckle.
"I guess even in different galaxies, some things are the same." Riyo said with a smile.
The year is now -2,300,000,000.
NARRATOR: Side effect, now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue. Then the Earth might have been a snowball for a while. Maybe even a couple of times.
The year is now -500,000,000.
NARRATOR: It's a sponge. It's a plant. It's a worm, and some other types of weird, strange water bugs and strange fish.
CHORUS: It's the Cambrian explosion!
IO: Wow, that's animals and stuff.
SEA LIFE: But we're still in the ocean. Hey, can we go on land?
CHORUS, as LAND: No!
SEA LIFE: Why?
"Why?" Ahsoka asked with the Sea Life.
CHORUS, as LAND: The sun is a deadly lazer!
"Oh, okay." She says.
SEA LIFE: Oh, okay.
"I just said that!" She called out getting laughs from everyone else.
"I'm beginning to think you are the Sea Life in this." Senator Chuchi said getting a pout from the Torgruta.
CHORUS: Not anymore, there's a blanket.
NARRATOR: Now the animals can go on land. Come on animals, let's go on land.
FISH: Nope, can't walk yet. And there's no food yet, so I don't care.
"Valid reasons." Padme said giggling a bit.
100 million years pass.
LAND: Okay, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here?
SOME BUGS AND FISH: Maybe
NARRATOR: ...said some bugs... and fish.
The year is now -380,000,000. FISH grunts because it is struggling to get on land, for it has no legs.
"Come on little fish you can do it." Ahsoka says smiling.
"You know it's a video right?" Anakin asks.
"Of course I know, but it's funny." His Padawan says.
5 million years pass. The year is now -375,000,000. FISH now has legs, for it has evolved into an AMPHIBIAN.
AMPHIBIAN: Okay, so I can go on land, but I have to go back in the water to-
CHORUS: Have babies!
The word "idea" flashes on to the screen.
NARRATOR: Learn to use an egg.
AMPHIBIAN: I was already doing that.
NARRATOR: Use a stronger egg. Put water in it. Have a baby, on land, in an egg. Water is in the egg. Baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
The year is -312,000,000.
AMPHIBIAN OFFSPRING: Works for me.
CHORUS: Bye bye, ocean!
50 million years pass.
NARRATOR: And now everything's huge. Including bugs. Wanna see a map of the land?
IO: Sure.
The year is now -252,000,000. A globe is presented. The camera starts to pan around it when a large explosion happens, destroying a land mass on the globe the size of a continent. Text pops onto the screen reading "PERMIAN EXTINCTION." The Permian Extinction has occurred.
NARRATOR: Oh fuck, now everything's dead.
"That's upsetting." Bail said. "They didn't even get a chance at life."
NARRATOR: Just kidding, here are the survivors.
The thrinaxodon, lystrosaurus, and proterosuchus are shown.
NARRATOR: Keep your eye on this one...
The proterosuchus is circled. 75 million years pass.
NARRATOR: ...'cause it's about to become the dinosaurs. Here's another map of the land.
The globe is shown again. It does not yet look like the Earth we know today; many of the continents are in pieces or out of place.
"So the planet is still changing around this time." Plo says.
"I wonder what it will look like after it's finished." Bail said taking a strawberry and eating it.
NARRATOR: Yeah, it broke apart. Don't worry about that. It does that all the time.
"Shouldn't that be worrying?" Rex asks a bit worried about the Narrator's casual tone about that.
The year is now -66,000,000.
NARRATOR: Here comes a meteor.
A meteor comes into frame and hits the globe near what is today called Central America.
CHORUS: And the dinosaurs are gone!
"A second extinction." Obi-Wan says shaking his head.
"Just like Vima said, this planet endured a number of extinction events." Bail said.
"And yet it's still alive." Padme said with a smile. "It really is unique."
NARRATOR: It's mammal time! Here come the mammals; look at those breasts.
The year is now -15,000,000.
NARRATOR: Now, they're gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff, and walk.
The year is now -4,000,000. A transition from one of human's older ancestors to one of human's younger ancestors is shown.
"That's the evolution of the Terrans?" Mace asks getting a nod from Vima.
"The Terrans evolved from an animal known as a chimpanzee." Vima says. "Though there are those who don't believe they did."
"Why?" Anakin asked curiously.
"Ever since religion was a thing, people believed that God made them. But centuries later a man named Charles Darwin made the theory of evolution after a trip he had." The AI explains. "And now evolution is the acceptable answer to where humans came from, but there are those who deny it to this day."
"I would love to see that theory." Bail said with a smile.
"I'll be sure to show it to you sometime."
NARRATOR: No, like, walk like that, and grab stuff at the same time.
The year is now -3,000,000.
NARRATOR: And bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.
IO: Ouch.
The year is now -1,500,000.
NARRATOR: And set things on fire.
IO: Yeouch.
The year is now -200,000.
NARRATOR: And make crazy sounds with their voice.
CAVEMAN: Gneurshk.
NARRATOR: Which can mean different things.
Via the CAVEMAN's thought bubble, "Gnerushk," is shown to mean, "Hi," "Bye," and, "Can you hand me that rock over there?"
CHORUS: That's a human person!
"So the Terrans were already pretty intelligent." Ki Adi says.
"Since the beginning." Vima says with a nod.
NARRATOR: And now they're everywhere, almost.
Text pops on to the screen, above the landmass that is today called North America. It reads "not here yet." Humans have not migrated there yet. The year is now -20,000. Text pops on to the screen, between what is today the American state of Alaska and the Russian autonomous okrug (district) of Chukotka. The text reads "ice age." The ice age is occurring, creating a land bridge between the two landmasses.
CHORUS: Ice age!
HUMANS: What? You can walk over here? Cool!
The year is now -10,000.
CHORUS: Not anymore.
HUMANS: Well, I guess we're stuck here now.
NARRATOR: Let's review. There's people on the planet, and they're chasing their food.
HUMAN: Fuck it, time to plant some grass. Look at this. I control the food now. Now, everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. Let's all build houses, except mine is bigger because I own the food. This is great. I wonder if anyone else is doing this.
"The start of society." Obi-Wan says. "And Hierarchy."
"A must for any civilization that's starting out." Mace replied.
The year is now -5000.
NARRATOR: Tired of using rocks for everything? Use metal! It's underground.
NARRATOR: Better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping.
A sheep baas in the background.
CHORUS: Guess what happens next!
NARRATOR: More food, and more people who came to buy the food, and you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales, and now, you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now, there's more people, and they invent things which makes things better, and more people come, and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people, and now, there's business, money, writing, laws, power.
CHORUS: Society!
NARRATOR: Coming soon to a dank river valley near you. Meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.
DISTRAUGHT HUMAN: Why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?
NARRATOR: Tired of using lame, sad metal?
The year is now -3300.
NARRATOR: Introducing-
CHORUS: Bronze!
NARRATOR: Made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land... I don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it. Also, guess what?
Ahsoka did a double take at that. "Dealer?"
"It's a joke." Vima says quickly.
CHORUS: Egypt!
The year is now -2000.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. Now, we're getting somewhere. Also-
CHORUS: China!
NARRATOR: And did I mention-
CHORUS: Indus River Valley Civilization!
A "society count" comes on screen. It lists the four civilizations just named (including Mesopotamia, the "sweet dank valley right in between... two rivers"), as the counter counts up from one to four. It pauses for a moment before ticking up to five. A fifth civilization appears on the list. The camera pans right across the globe to what is modern day Peru.
"That's quite a few societies for one planet." Riyo said in slight worry. "Wouldn't that cause war eventually?"
"Oh yes." Vima says. "Earth has seen plenty of wars."
"Well maybe we could visit the planet and help them put an end to their wars." She said with slight hope.
Vima looks at her and gives her a sad smile. "I really admire your compassion. But there are three things that would not make your idea possible for the time being."
"And that is?" Bail asks raising an eyebrow.
"Firstly, Earth is outside of your Galaxy so you can't really reach it especially since you don't even know the coordinates. Secondly, the Terrans are a species of conflict, now that doesn't mean that they don't want peace, peace is something a majority of them want. But it's simply not possible because so long as there is free will, there is the potential for war." He explains. "And finally, you all are already in a war right now, try doing it after you deal with your problem."
Senator Chuchi looks down in an upset way. "You're right. I shouldn't ask for the impossible."
"I never said it was impossible." Vima said with a comforting smile. "I said it wasn't possible for the time being." That got a smile from the Senator and everyone else in the room.
CHORUS: Norte Chico!
NARRATOR: The Middle East is getting more complicated. Maybe because it's in the middle of the East.
The year is now -1600.
PEOPLE WITH HORSES: Knock, knock. Er... clop clop.
NARRATOR: It's the people with the horses, and they made an empire, and then everyone else copied their horses.
CHORUS: Greeks!
NARRATOR: Ah, look, it must be the Greeks. Or, a beta version of the Greeks.
Text pops up on screen, reading "mycenaean greeks." These "beta version... Greeks" are the Mycenaean Greeks.
NARRATOR: Let's check in with the Indus River Valley Civilization - they're gone. Guess who's not gone?
CHORUS: China!
The year is now -1200.
CHORUS: New arrivals in India! Maybe it's those horse people I was talking about, or their cousins, or something... And they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff!
NARRATOR: You could make a religion out of this.
"How many religions are on Earth?" Obi-Wan asks.
"Yes." Vima says.
"That's not an answer."
"Yes it is and it's all you're gonna get."
The year is now -1150.
NARRATOR: There's the Bronze Age collapse.
CHORUS: Now, the Phoenicians can get down to business!
HUMANS: (Offscreen) Also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find?
Bronze switches to iron.
HUMANS: (Offscreen) Thanks.
"You're welcome." Anakin jokes.
NARRATOR: Look who came back to Israel - it's the twelve tribes of Israel!
CHORUS: And they believe in God!
NARRATOR: Just one though; he's got like a ten step program.
NARRATOR: Here's some huge heads. Must be the Olmecs.
The year is now -800.
NARRATOR: The Phoenicians make some colonies. The Greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. The Phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.
The year is now -671.
NARRATOR: Here comes the Assyrian Empire.
The year is now -600.
NARRATOR: Nevermind, it's the Babyloni-
The year is now -580.
NARRATOR: Media-
The year is now -500.
CHORUS: It's the Persian Empire!
IO: Wow, that's big.
"That was fast." Rex says chuckling a bit.
"And it is pretty big." Anakin says.
"That's what she said." Vima mumbles with a grin. This gets Anakin's attention.
"What?"
"What?" Vima says no longer smiling. Anakin is about to say something but just closes his mouth and continues to watch. Vima just grins again as he holds back laughter.
NARRATOR: Ah, the Buddha was just enlightened!
IO: Who's the Buddha?
NARRATOR: This guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. You could make a religion out of this.
"Is that an actual religion?" Bail asks.
"Yes and it's actually very enlightening and popular." Vima says.
"Maybe I should look into it."
"I'll provide you information on every religion on Earth after this viewing." Vima says getting a nod from the senator.
The year is now -475.
NARRATOR: Oops, China just broke, but while it was breaking, Confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.
The year is now -400.
NARRATOR: Ah, the Greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff...
The year is now -330.
NARRATOR: ...and right over here, Alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire Persian empire. It's a great idea. He was... Great, and now he's dead. Hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.
"His name was Alexander the Great wasn't it?" Anakin asks with a smile.
"Yes." Vima says.
"Wait seriously!?" The Chosen One asked incredulously getting a nod from the AI. "That is one of the greatest things I've ever heard." He looked over and saw Vima giving him a deadpan stare. "What?"
"Make another pun and I will slap you back to Tatooine." He said.
The year is now -305.
CHANDRAGUPTA: Knock knock.
NARRATOR: It's Chandragupta. He says-
CHANDRAGUPTA: Get the hell out of here. Will you get the hell out of here if I give you five hundred elephants? Okay, thanks. Bye.
CHORUS: Time to conquer all of India!
NARRATOR: Er-
CHORUS: Most of India!
"Well...they conquered it at least." Obi-Wan said unsure what to think.
IO: But what about this part?
NARRATOR: That's the Tamil kings. No one conquers the Tamil kings.
IO: Who are the Tamil kings?
CHORUS: Merchants, probably... And they've got spices!
Florumm, Hondo's Crew
Hondo Onaka was drinking his alcohol when he suddenly looked up at the ceiling. One of his crew looked at him. "Captain, everything alright?" He asked.
"Someone mentioned having Spice." Space Captain Jack Sparrow stated.
"I didn't hear anything."
"And that's why you aren't Captain. To be a good Captain you need to hear and see things that nobody else can."
TAMIL KINGS: Who would like to buy the spices?
ARABIANS: Me!
"Like that!" He says standing up. "Someone is selling Spice and I must have it. Boys get ready, we are getting some Spice!"
Back to our regularly scheduled program
NARRATOR: ...said the Arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.
The year is now -221.
NARRATOR: Hey, China put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy! Actually, they have three main philosophies.
Confucianism, Taoism, and legalism appear with the corresponding messages under: having good morals, go with the flow, and "fuck you obey the law".The land northwest of Qin China, which is roughly modern-day Mongolia, is circled.
"Those are some philosophies to think about." Anakin says.
"Agreed. I would love to learn more. I am especially interested in this Taoism." Bail said.
"Confucianism, similar to the Jedi Code, it seems." Yoda said getting a nod from the rest of the Council.
"Though I do want to know more about legalism." Mace says.
NARRATOR: Out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.
The horse nomads repeatedly bump into China with the coin sound effect from Super Mario playing each time they do so. The camera pans left on the globe back to the Ancient Greek Empire.
NARRATOR: Let's check the Greekification levels of the Greekified kingdoms. Greekification overload!
PARTHIANS: Bye.
NARRATOR: ...said the Parthians.
JEWS: Bye.
NARRATOR: ...said the Jews.
PARTHIANS: Hi!
NARRATOR: ...said the Parthians, taking over the entire place.
"Wow." Ahsoka said astonished at what happened.
The year is now 1 CE.
ROMANS: Heyyyyyyyy...
NARRATOR: ...said the Romans, eating the entire Mediterranean for breakfast.
JEWS: Thanks for invading our homeland.
NARRATOR: ...said the Jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.
"Why don't they fight back?" Anakin asks confused.
"Religious beliefs." Vima says simply.
The year is now 30 CE.
JESUS CHRIST: Hi, everything's great.
NARRATOR: ...said some guy, who seems to be getting very popular, and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. You could make a religion out of this.
"Who is that?" Bail asks.
"His name was Jesus Christ, and he started arguably the most popular religion on Earth, Christianity." Vima explains. "I mentioned it before."
"What kind of religion is it?" Riyo asks wanting to learn more.
"I'll show you sometime later." He says. "But it does teach you a lot about your spirit and more."
NARRATOR: Want silk? Now, you can buy it from China. They just made a-
CHORUS: Brand new road to the world!
China conquers Vietnam.
CHORUS: Or you can get there on water!
INDIA: Sick! New trade routes.
NARRATOR: ...said India, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.
Funan is highlighted.
NARRATOR: Hm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
The sound of a zooming car plays.
NARRATOR: There goes Buddhism, traveling up the silk road.
The year is now 220.
NARRATOR: I wonder if it'll reach China before it collapses again.
"How many times has China collapsed?" Mace asked. "Because it seems to just break apart easily."
"Well there is a type of glass called china and it breaks easily." Vima jokes.
The year is now 225.
NARRATOR: Remember the Persian Empire?
PERSIANS: Yep.
NARRATOR: ...said the Persians, making a new one. Axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. Has anyone populated Madagascar yet?
BANTU and MALAY: Let's do it together!
The year is now 280.
CHORUS: China is whole again!
"Wait for it." Ahsoka said.
The year is now 320.
CHORUS: Then it broke again.
"There it is."
NARRATOR: Still can't cross the Sahara Desert? Try camels!
CHORUS, as GHANA EMPIRE: Hell yeah! Now we've got business!
NARRATOR: ...said the Ghana Empire, selling lots of gold and slaves.
Anakin immediately tensed up upon hearing the word slaves. "I guess no matter what Galaxy you're in, slavery will always be there." He said in a slightly angered tone.
"Don't worry Anakin, just watch." Vima says with a smile.
ROMAN CHRISTIAN: Hi, I live in the Roman Empire, and I was wondering-
CHORUS, as ROMAN CHRISTIAN: Is loving Jesus legal yet?
ROME: No.
The year is now 330.
CONSTANTINE: Actually, okay, sure.
NARRATOR: ...said Constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his-
CHORUS: Main rival!
CONSTANTINE: Don't worry about Rome; it won't fall.
"It fell didn't it?" Obi-Wan asked with a smile.
"Yep."
The year is now 400.
CHORUS: It's the golden age of India!
NARRATOR: There's the Gupta Empire, not Chandragupta, just Gupta... First name Chandra... The First. Guess who's in Rome.
CHORUS: Barbarians!
NARRATOR: What's a barbarian?
ROMANS: Non-Romans.
NARRATOR: ...said the Romans, being invaded by non-Romans.
The year is now 476.
NARRATOR: R.I.P. Roman Empire. Er, actually just half of it; the other half is just fine, but it's not in Rome anymore, so let's give it a new name.
"So it's still somewhat there." Anakin says.
CHORUS: The Mayans have figured out the stars!
NARRATOR: Oh, and here's a huge city, population: everyone.
The year is now 576.
NARRATOR: The Göktürks have taken over the entire Eurasian steppe. Great job, Göktürks. How's India? Broken. How's China?
CHORUS: Back together.
NARRATOR: How's those trading kingdoms?
CHORUS: Bigger, and there's more of them.
NARRATOR: Korea has three kingdoms. Japan has a kingdom; it's the sunrise kingdom.
An intermission occurs.The year is now 610.
NARRATOR: Deep in the Arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in Muhammad's ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake...
The year is now 622.
NARRATOR: ...and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. You can make a religion out of this...
"All because he said their gods were fake?" Ahsoka asked confused.
"Some people will be so deep in their beliefs that even the thought of going against them will cause them to become hostile." Mace explained. "Thankfully we moved on from that mostly."
"Says the hypocrite." Vima says quietly not getting anyone's attention.
The year is now 650.
NARRATOR: ...and maybe conquer the world as well. The Roman Empire is long gone, but somehow, the Pope is still the Pope! Plus, there's-
CHORUS: New kingdoms all over Europe!
NARRATOR: I wonder if there's room for Moors.
The year is now 786.
NARRATOR: Here's all the wisdom, in a house: it's the Baghdad House of Wisdom, just in time for the-
CHORUS: Islamic Golden Age!
SWAHILI: Let's bring stuff to the coast, and sell it, and become the Swahili on the Swahili Coast.
NARRATOR: ...said the Swahili on the Swahili Coast.
NARRATOR: Remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? Someone owns that now.
NARRATOR: Wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
NARRATOR: The Franks have the biggest kingdom in Europe, and the Pope is so proud that he invites the king over for Christmas.
"What's Christmas?" Senator Chuchi asks with interest in her eyes.
"Christmas is one of Earth's most popular holidays. A holiday of being kind to one another and giving rather than receiving and being with friends and family as you celebrate. It's also the day that Jesus Christ was born." Vima explained with a look of nostalgia.
The explanation got looks from everyone. "It sounds like an amazing holiday." Padme says. "Perhaps we could adopt it as well? Give people something to take their minds off of the war and the problems they face."
"I would be honored to teach you about it." Vima says with a warm smile.
The year is now 800.
POPE: Surprise! You're the new Roman Emperor!
NARRATOR: ...said the Pope, pretending to still be part of the Roman Empire. Then, the Franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called France and Not France. The Northerners (or just Norse, if you don't have much time) are exploring. They go north, from the north, to the northern north, and they find some land, two types of land, and they name them accordingly.
Large text comes on screen reading, "prankd."
"So the cold one is Greenland and the warmer one is Iceland?" Obi-Wan asks.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be honest I don't know what they were thinking." Vima says with a shrug.
NARRATOR: They also invade some other places and get called many names, such as Vikings.
The year is now 882.
NARRATOR: There's the Rus, the Kievan Rus.
IO: Are they Vikings?
KIEVAN RUS: I don't think so.
NARRATOR: ...said the Kievan Rus.
IO: Okay, fair enough.
NARRATOR: The Pope is ready to make some more emperors of the Roman Empire, the Holy Roman Empire. It's actually Germany, but don't worry about it! New kingdoms!
DISTORTED VOICE: CHRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS!
NARRATOR: Which brand would you like?
ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Mine's better.
EASTERN ORTHODOX CHURCH: Mine's better.
ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Mine's better.
The year is now 1066.
WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR: Time to conquer England.
NARRATOR: ...said William.
The year is now 1071.
NARRATOR: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the Seljuk Turks!
BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Aah!
NARRATOR: ...said the Byzantine Empire, who's getting so small it almost doesn't exist anymore.
BYZANTINE EMPIRE: We need help!
NARRATOR: They need help, so they call the Pope.
BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Hey, Pope, can you help us get rid of the Seljuks? Maybe take back the Holy Land on the way? Come on, I know you want to take back the Holy Land.
POPE: Yes, I do actually want to do that. Let's do a Crusade.
The year is now 1099.
CHORUS: Crusade!
NARRATOR: They did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail, but at the least the Italians got some sweet trade deals.
"And thus one of the greatest memes of Earth was born." Vima says with a chuckle.
The year is now 1100.
NARRATOR: Goodbye, Mayans.
CHORUS: Hello, Toltecs!
NARRATOR: Goodbye, Toltecs.
CHORUS: Hello, Mississippi!
NARRATOR: Look at those mounds! There's the Pueblo. I've always wondered how to build a town on a cliff.
The year is now 1150.
NARRATOR: Guess who's here? Khmer!
IO: Where?
NARRATOR: Here, and Pegan is there! Vietnam unconquered itself, Korea just became itself...
The year is now 1192.
NARRATOR: ...and Japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. China just invented bombs and typing...
The year is now 1230. It rapidly starts to count upward as the Mongols spin and fly all over north Asia. The year ends on 1259.
NARRATOR: ...and the Mongols just invaded most of the universe. (sarcastically) Nice going, Genghis! I bet that will last a long time.
The Mongol Empire that was just formed shatters.
NARRATOR: Some of the Islamic Turks were unaffected by the Mongol invasions because they were busy invading India.
Bright, happy text comes on the screen reading, "tonga time."
NARRATOR: Is it Tonga time?
TONGAN: I think it's Tonga time!
"It's Tonga time." Vima says joining in.
"Can I join?" Anakin jokes.
"Sure. Just be sure to visit the Tonga center." He says getting a laugh from some of the others.
Text comes on screen reading, "colonizing the pacific ocean..." The Tu'i Tonga Empire forms.
NARRATOR: I just found out where the Swahili gets all their gold!
It is shown that the gold comes from the Great Zimbabwe, as the Great Zimbabwe is highlighted.
NARRATOR: Look at this "chad" (it means lake). There's an empire there, right in the middle of-
CHORUS: Africa!
The year is now 1324.
NARRATOR: The King of Mali is so rich, he's going on tour to let everyone know.
NORTH AFRICA and THE MIDDLE EAST: Wow, that guy's rich.
NARRATOR: ...everyone said. The Christians are doing a great job reconquering Iberia, which will soon be called Spain and Not-Spain.
IBERIAN PENINSULA: Please remain Christian. We will check in later to see if you're still Christian when you least expect.
The year is now 1350.
NARRATOR: Whoops! Half of Europe just died!
CHORUS: Ming!
NARRATOR: China's back, yay!
The year is now 1400.
Hey Khmer, time to share! New kingdoms here and there. Oh, look who controls all the islands. It's the Mahajapit-
The buzz of an "incorrect" buzzer buzzes.
NARRATOR: Majahapit-
Buzzes.
NARRATOR: Mapajahit-
Buzzes.
NARRATOR: Mahapajit-
Buzzes.
NARRATOR: Mapajahit-
Buzzes.
NARRATOR: Ma-ja-pa-hit?
The ring of a "correct" bell rings. The year is now 1450.
"Seems like a confusing name." Padme says.
"You have yet to see some of the names of people and places." Vima said.
NARRATOR: Oh, Italy's really rich. Time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. It's kinda like a re-birth.
The text on the screen reads "renaissance".
NARRATOR: Here's a printer, let's make books!
BYZANTINE EMPIRE: So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire?
OTTOMAN TURKS: Yep.
NARRATOR: ...said the Ottoman Turks. Nice job, Ottoman Turks!
The year is now 1453.
NARRATOR: Oops, you missed a spot. Don't forget to ban Europe from the Indian spice trade.
PORTUGAL: What? That's bullshit!
NARRATOR: ...said Portugal, spiceless.
Hondo
"I hear it again! Oh those poor souls, not having any spice to help them get through in life." Hondo says. "I cannot imagine the pain they must go through."
Back to the Council
CHORUS, as PORTUGAL: Well, I guess we'll have to find another way to India!
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: Wait!
NARRATOR: ...said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack.
COLUMBUS: If the world is round, let's go this way to India!
"That's...not how that works." Anakin said questioning the man's intelligence.
"They believed the world was a lot smaller at the time." Vima explains getting a nod from Anakin.
PORTUGAL: Nah, don't worry, we already got this
NARRATOR: ...said Portugal. So Chris goes to Spain.
COLUMBUS: Hey, Spain, wanna hire me to find India by going around the back of the world?
SPAIN: No.
COLUMBUS: Please?
SPAIN: No.
COLUMBUS: Please?
SPAIN: No.
COLUMBUS: Please?
SPAIN: Okay.
The year is now 1492.
NARRATOR: So he sails into the ocean and discovers... More ocean... And then discovers the Indies and Japan.
The year is now 1494.
SPAIN and PORTUGAL: Let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.
NARRATOR: The Aztec and Inca Empires are off to a great start. I wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent?
NARRATOR: The Hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families that they might have to start marrying each other.
"Ew." Ahsoka said in disgust. This feeling being shared amongst the rest of the room.
'If I have children, I'd better make sure that doesn't happen.' Padme thinks to herself.
The year is now 1500.
NARRATOR: Move over, Lithuania! Here comes Moscow. Ivan wants to make Russia great again. Move over, Timurids; maybe go invade India or something.
The year is now 1501.
NARRATOR: Persia just made Persia Persian again. Let's make it the other kind of Islam, the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy.
ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Hey, Christians! Do you sin? Now you can buy your way out of Hell.
MARTIN LUTHER: That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why.
NARRATOR: ...said Martin Luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the Protestant Reformation.
SULEIMAN THE MAGNIFICENT: You know what would be magnificent?
NARRATOR: ...said Suleiman, wearing an onion hat.
The year is now 1530.
SULEIMAN: What if the Ottoman Empire was really big, which it is now?
The year is now 1556.
IVAN THE TERRIBLE: What if Russia was big?
NARRATOR: ...said Ivan, trying not to be terrible.
"Ivan the Terrible?" Bail asked.
NARRATOR: Portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire Indian Ocean, including the Spice Trade... and then that dream was real. And Spain realized that this is not India, but they pillaged it anyway!
ENGLAND and FRANCE: Damn.
NARRATOR: ...said England and France.
ENGLAND and FRANCE: We gotta start pillaging some stuff.
NARRATOR: Then, the Dutch revolt, and all the hipsters move to Amsterdam.
The year is now 1600.
AMSTERDAM: Damn.
NARRATOR: ...said Amsterdam.
AMSTERDAM: We gotta start pillaging some stuff.
ENGLAND, FRANCE, and THE DUTCH: Question 1: Can you get to India through North America? No, but at least there's beaver. Question 2: Steal the Spice Trade.
NARRATOR: That's not a question, but the Dutch did it anyway.
Suddenly, every Force user in the Galaxy felt the anger from a certain Space Jack Sparrow echo as he yelled in fury about someone stealing the spice trade and it not being him.
CHORUS: Sugar!
The year is now 1640.
NARRATOR: Guess where all the sugar is made. In Brazil-
THE DUTCH: Stolen!
NARRATOR: -In the Caribbean, and it's so goddamn profitable that you might forget to not do slavery. The next thing on Russia's to-do-list is to get bigger.
Anakin again tensed and felt anger rise up as slavery was mentioned.
The year is now 1754.
NARRATOR: Britain and France are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically Ohio.
Then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving Prussia a chance to show Austria who's boss.
IO: But what about Britain and France? Did they figure out who's boss?
NARRATOR: Yes, they did! It's Britain. Guess who's broke. Also Britain, so they start taxing the Hell out of America.
The year is now 1776.
AMERICA: Fuck you.
NARRATOR: ...says America, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and France helps them win. Now, France is broke...
The year is now 1788.
NARRATOR: ...and Britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent.
IO: Wait, if France is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?
The year is now 1794.
ROBESPIERRE: Let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!
"I'm not sure how to feel about this." Obi-Wan said.
"Yeah. This definitely seems like an issue." Bail agreed.
NARRATOR: ...says Robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
IO: You could make a religi-
NARRATOR: No, don't. Haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution...
The year is now 1791.
NARRATOR: ...especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters.
Anakin smiled a bit at the slaves freeing themselves, but he wasn't sure how to feel about them killing their masters. Sure he was a slave at one point, but he would never even think about killing Watto like that in cold blood.
TOUSSAINT L'OUVERTURE: Why didn't we think of this before?
IO: Wait, who's in charge of France now?
The year is now 1804.
CHORUS, as NAPOLEON: Me!
NARRATOR: ...said Napoleon, trying to take over Europe. Luckily, they banished him to an island-
CHORUS: But he came back!
NARRATOR: Luckily, they banished him to another island.
"He seems important." Aayla said.
"But something about him seems...small." Ki Adi said.
A burst of horns play.
NARRATOR: There goes Latin America, becoming independent in the Latin American Wars of Independence.
They last from the year 1812 to about 1830.
NARRATOR: Britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now, they can make-
CHORUS: Many different types of machines, and factories with machines in them, so they can make a lot of products real fast.
"So they became an industrialized race." Mace says impressed. "I know we see their future, but I'm impressed at what they managed to achieve especially with them being divided."
"The Terrans while divided, are capable of making great things. And when they are united, they are capable of amazing things." Vima says with a proud smile. "Just look at me."
NARRATOR: Then, they invent some trains and conquer India and maybe put some trains there.
BRITAIN: Hey, China!
NARRATOR: ...said Britain.
BRITAIN: Buy stuff from us!
CHINA: Nah, dude, we already got everything.
NARRATOR: ...says China, so Britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually, but then, China made it illegal...
The year is now 1839.
NARRATOR: ...and dumped it all into the sea, so Britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. Britain and Russia are playing a game where they try and stop each other from conquering Afghanistan. Also, the-
CHORUS: Sultan of Oman lives in Zanzibar now.
NARRATOR: That's just where he lives.
The year is now 1857.
NARRATOR: India just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now.
BRITAIN: Nope.
NARRATOR: ...said Britain, governing them even harder than before.
"That's harsh." Ahsoka said.
"They went against their government, something was bound to happen to them." Mace said neutrally.
"But they were oppressed, they should be allowed to govern themselves." Ahsoka exclaimed.
"And you wouldn't let the Separatists separate themselves from the Republic?" Vima asked.
Ahsoka looked at him as if he grew a second head. "T-that's not what I mean! It's different." She said slightly unsure.
"We will talk later." Vima whispers to her.
The screen reads, "HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE," while the Morse Code for "SEXLOL" plays in the background.
CHORUS: Technology is about to go crazy!
The year is now 1863.
NARRATOR: The United States finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: It's bad.
"So they got rid of slavery?" Anakin asked getting hopeful.
"Yes. Slavery is banned on Earth and not a problem anymore." Vima said smiling.
'Maybe the Republic can learn a thing or two from them.' Anakin thought to himself.
NARRATOR: ...they decided, and then, they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the Mexicans too.
"What!?" Everyone in the room yelled out.
"That's wrong!" Riyo said in outrage.
"And to think they seemed like great people!" Bail said in anger.
"Yeah racism is still a problem and back then nobody really cared." Vima said sadly.
The year is now 1884.
EUROPE: I know! Let's rape Africa.
NARRATOR: ...said Europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. (They never got Ethiopia.) Britain and France are still hungry! (They never got Thailand.) The United States ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more.
CHORUS: Hawaii and Cuba!
IO: Wait! Spain controls Cuba!
UNITED STATES: Well, blame something on them, and go to war.
AMERICANS: What should we blame on Spain?
The U.S.S. Maine explodes in the Gulf of Mexico.
UNITED STATES: Let's blame the Maine on Spain
NARRATOR: ...so they blame the Maine on Spain.
"Did Spain really do it?" Ahsoka asks getting a shrug from Vima.
The year is now 1898.
AMERICANS: Now, we're in business!
NARRATOR: To celebrate, they kick Panama out of Panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.
The year is now 1908.
NARRATOR: Britain just found oil in the Middle East. (It makes cars go.)
The year is now 1911.
NARRATOR: China is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. Europe hasn't had a war since the last war...
The year is now 1914.
NARRATOR: ...so they start World War I. Look at those guns! It's gonna be a "Great War" - so great we won't need a second one. After it's over, they blame Germany.
"The War to end all Wars." Ahsoka quoted from when she saw the first video Vima played. "It ended nothing."
"Don't worry Commander." Rex says with a smile and a hand on her shoulder. "Our war will end a lot of things."
"Like the Jedi." Vima says quietly to himself. "But I can hopefully stop it before it happens."
The year is now 1917.
NARRATOR: Russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. Now, everyone's paycheck is the same.
The year is now 1922.
CHORUS: Communism, in the Soviet Union!
NARRATOR: The Arabs revolt...
The year is now 1917.
NARRATOR: ...and Britain helps.
BRITAIN: (Offscreen) Now, the Ottoman Empire is gone,
The year is now 1922.
BRITAIN: (Offscreen) So we can give the-
CHORUS: Jewish people a place to live!
NARRATOR: Hopefully, the Arabs won't mind.
SYKES and PICOT: Let's cut the cake!
NARRATOR: ...said Sykes and Picot, cutting up the remains of the Not-So-Ottoman-Anymore Empire.
The year is now 1923.
CHORUS: Except Turkey! Turkey makes a brand new Turkey!
NARRATOR: ...and then, the Saudis conquer Arabia. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
A phone rings.
IO: Hello?
THE 1920s: Yes, it's the 1920s calling. Let's get in a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. The economy is great, and it will probably be great forever- just kidding!
A slide whistle with decreasing pitch briefly plays. The year is now 1933.
"The Great Depression. Not a good time to be alive." Vima said.
"I have a feeling there will be a Great Depression for the Republic if we aren't careful." Bail says.
"Yeah, we should try and fix that as soon as we can." Padme says getting a nod from Riyo.
NARRATOR: Germany is back, featuring Hitler, the angry mustache model, and he's mad at the Jews for existing. Japan is finally conquering the East, and they're so excited...
The year is now 1937.
NARRATOR: ...they rape Nanking way too hard. They should probably just deny it.
The year is now 1945.
NARRATOR: Hitler's out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain why killing all the Jews is a bad idea. But he kills himself before they could explain it to him.
CHORUS: That's World War II!
"How bad was World War II compared to the Great War?" Padme asks afraid of what the answer would be.
"It was worse. A lot worse." Vima says.
NARRATOR: Bonus Round!
Air horns momentarily play in the background.
NARRATOR: (Like Announcer from Mortal Kombat) Pacific Showdown: United States versus Japan! Fight!
A drop-down menu that reads "weapon select" pops up, and the U.S. cursor moves down from "boat" to "plane" to "extinction ball." It is picked, dropped on Japan, and an explosion year is now 1945.
NARRATOR: (Like Announcer from Mortal Kombat) Finish him!
Another one is dropped, and another explosion follows.
"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Everyone yelled in shock.
"That was the Nuclear Bomb. Japan attacked the United States because they were aiding the Allies by sending supplies. Japan warned the US to stop, but the message didn't reach them in time and the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor and sunk three ships. That's what prompted America to join the war." Vima says solemnly. "They awoke a sleeping giant and found out what happens if you attack it. The Americans developed the Nuclear bomb and dropped them on two Japanese cities named Hiroshima and Nagasaki."
"Whoever made them was a monster." Padme says angrily.
"Maybe, but he regretted making the weapon because he knew that people would use them and it could end the world." He says getting a look of surprise from everyone in the room. "I am become Death, destroyer of worlds." He quoted.
Everyone looked at each other. Sure there were nuclear weapons like that, but they were used thousands of years ago and they haven't been used since. To hear that the Terrans had developed these weapons and used them was unnerving to say the least.
NARRATOR: Let's unite all the nations and have some-
CHORUS: World peace!
NARRATOR: Seems legit.
GANDHI: Hi, I'm Gandhi, and if Britain doesn't get the Hell out of India, I'm gonna starve myself in public.
The year is now 1947. Britain leaves.
GANDHI: Wow, that worked?
That got a laugh out of most. They really needed something to lighten the mood.
NARRATOR: Bonus! Now, there's Pakistan. Actually, two Pakistans; one of them can be Bangladesh later. The Jews and the Arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the Holy Land.
JEWS and ARABS: Me!
NARRATOR: ...they both said at the same time.
The year is now 1947.
UNITED NATIONS: Let's divide up the land so everyone's happy.
CHORUS: Sike! They both get angrier.
NARRATOR: Look out, China!
The year is now 1949.
NARRATOR: There's a new China in China! What's on the menu?
PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC of CHINA: Communism!
"What's Communism?" Bail asked. Then Vima went into full patriotic mode.
"Communism is the enemy of Democracy!" He says in a deep cartoonish voice, sounding like a certain freedom loving robot from a certain post apocalypse game, surprising everyone. "Those who live in Communism must be destroyed!"
"So...it's bad?"
"Yeah." Vima says returning to his normal voice.
REPUBLIC of CHINA: No, thanks.
NARRATOR: ...said the other China, escaping to an island. I wonder which one is the real China?
The year is now 1950.
NARRATOR: There's the Korean War: Korea versus Korea. Nobody wins and then it's on pause forever. Let's meet the sponsors! Oh, it's the two global superpowers. They're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of Satan. And they both have atom bombs.
NARRATOR: (With an echo) FIGHT!
NARRATOR: Wait, no, that would be the end of the world. Let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead, and make sure we have enough atom bombs.
"The Cold War in a nutshell." Vima says.
"They didn't use their weapons because they didn't want to destroy the world?" Riyo asked in happiness and astonishment.
"That and there was another reason." Vima says. "Neither side wanted to be the monster in history."
The year is now 1957.
SOVIET UNION: I'll race you to space.
The year is now 1969. An American rocket ship is shown to land on the moon.
"They managed to make it to their moon?" Ahsoka asks. "With their limited technology?"
"Yep. That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Vima quotes with a smile. "That's when humanity really began to improve."
SOVIET UNION and UNITED STATES: Now, let's make some more countries fight themselves.
NARRATOR: Europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. So here's a new map, with new countries! Now, you can't tell who they're being pillaged by.
The year is now 1963.
NARRATOR: The United States finally decided whether racism is good or bad. They decided it's bad, and the world agrees. South Africa might need another minute to think about it. Let's check the world population.
A graph is shown, displaying a spike upward in population that jumped from "a billion" at the beginning of the 1800s to "way more" around the beginning of the 2000s.
"That's...a lot of people." Bail says uneasily.
IO: Whoa... Okay.
NARRATOR: Technology is better too; that might keep happening. The Soviet Union decides to relax a little...
The year is now 1991.
NARRATOR: ...and accidentally falls apart. Europe makes a union...
The year is now 1999.
NARRATOR: ...so now, they can all use the same money, except Britain 'cause they don't feel like it. Let's check the mail! Surprise! It's on the computer.
The year is now 2001.
NARRATOR: Whoops, someone just attacked America. I bet they'll remember that. Phone call! Surprise! It's in your pocket. Wanna learn everything? Surprise! It's on the computer. Now, your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket.
A chart of the 2008 economic recession is shown.
NARRATOR: Whoops, the economy just crashed. Don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to. Surprise! Flying robots, with bombs. Wanna print a brain? Some people have no friends, some people have no food, the globe is warming-
CHORUS: And the ocean is full of plastic!
EVERYBODY: Let's save the planet!
NARRATOR: ...said everybody, not knowing how.
"They don't know how to save their planet?" Padme asks in shock.
"Yeah it took a while for them to figure it out." Vima says.
The year is now 2028.
THING INVENTOR INVENTOR: Let's invent a thing inventor.
NARRATOR: ...said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. That's pretty cool. By the way, where the Hell are we?
Text comes on screen that reads, "Thanks for watching history. I hope I mentioned everything."
"That was..." Anakin started.
"Something." Obi-Wan says.
"I definitely need to process everything that was said." Ahsoka says.
"Well you'll have plenty of time." Vima says. "Because I am going to shut down for the time being as I figure out what to show you all next. Besides, you all still have a war to fight."
"Agreed. We still have important matters to attend to." Mace says.
"Vima." Padme says getting the AI's attention. "Thank you for introducing us to your world. We'll be sure to share the food and everything we learned so far with the rest of the Senate."
"That is why I'm here after all." Vima says smiling.
"How do you mean?" Bail asks.
"I was sent here for a few purposes. One of them is to teach about my world and help you figure out your issues in this war and individually."
"What are the others?" Ahsoka asks.
"I'm afraid I cannot tell you at this moment." He said. "But know that I am here to help. And whenever you need me, I'll be here." He smiles. "Anyway, I shall go into rest mode for now and I'll see you when you are ready." With that, Vima disappears from sight and the pod closes itself.
Anakin is the first to speak after the silence. "Well I'm enjoying seeing the world overall, what do you think?"
"I think it is very informative and we should listen to what the Terrans have done and say to better ourselves." Riyo says getting nods from everyone.
"I agree with this." Mace says. "But I'm more interested in what Vima actually is."
"What do you mean Master Windu?" Ahsoka asks.
"Vima is more than a simple droid, but he's clearly not alive." Mace says. "I want to know who made him and why he's here, he did after all say he was here for multiple reasons."
"Curious as well, I am." Yoda says. "But trust him for now, I do."
"I don't think we should bother him right now." Ahsoka says getting looks from everyone. "I think he'll tell us about himself when he's ready. Let's try not to pressure him."
"I agree with Padawan Tano." Ki Adi says. "Alive or not, he's intelligent and has shown emotion a few times. So let's try and let him tell us when he feels he can."
"Very well." Mace says. "But I will be keeping an eye on him."
"Well I think that's it then." Plo states. "Let us go about our day and think about everything we saw."
Everyone nodded and soon left the Council chambers. Leaving behind only the pod that contained Vima and the machines inside of it.
And that is it! God that was long to write. I'll be skipping the reactions of everyone else and I'll just save it for the next chapter, which is an intermission. I got a couple surprises next chapter and I think you'll enjoy them. Be sure to give me suggestions and let me know your thoughts on how I'm doing this story and characters. For now I'm gonna take a rest eat dinner and I'll see you all in the next chapter. See ya!