Chapter 3

According to Kallen, C.C. has a guarded heart. The product of multiple heartbreaks and almost heartbreaks before a confession even happened.

According to Shirley, C.C. had numbed herself from the idea of love, or even from the possibility of liking someone romantically. The outcome of several false assumptions and misunderstandings with boys and men alike.

According to C.C., they are making a big deal out of it and make it sound like she had more than five men in her life who have broken her heart and made her pledge to be single for life. To set the record straight, there were only three.

First, there was Suzaku Kururugi who she considered was her 'puppy love'. Her young thirteen-year-old heart had worshipped the path he was walking on, following him almost everywhere he went to like a dog. It helped that he was her neighbor and they knew each other since birth that being with him all the time didn't come out as stalkerish and obsessive. Suzaku was a kind boy. Always smiling and laughing as if the word 'summer' was invented because of him. He reminded her of sunflowers and childhood plays. He always cheered for her, supported her in her extracurricular activities in school. He's the first person who believed in her talent. He's the first person who made her feel special. But true to a sunflower's nature, he found his own sun in the form of Euphemia and only looked at her since then. He and C.C. remain friends until this day despite the physical distance between them. C.C. never got the chance to confess to him when they were younger and Suzaku remains oblivious of her feelings back then. That was her first heartbreak, and it was sad when you were the only one who felt the crumbling of your world.

Then, there was Mao, her true first love. A stranger who unexpectedly appeared in her life. He was a schoolmate back in high school and C.C. only met him because one of her classmates was dating him. From the very start, she knew that her chances were futile, well, it's not like she would actually take a chance with him. She was content watching him from afar, smiling at the girl that she would never be. Unknown to him, he became her muse whenever she had an assignment on poetry writing, the romance and heartache in her words. The rhythm in her prose. And then they broke up. And C.C. and him became closer. And it seemed like for a moment, fate was on her side, for he asked her to be his partner during prom and she spent that special night crying because of happiness. But still nothing happened between them. C.C. was a coward to admit her feelings eventhough she knew that Mao was probably already aware of it. But he, too, didn't ask her about it. That time, she wore her feelings on her face and half of her classmates knew that she's inlove with him and they would ask, 'Why him?', 'He's a player', 'There are better boys out there'. Well, shouldn't they know that they cannot teach the heart who to love?

Then, the next thing she knew, he got a new girlfriend and that's when she started to fix her crumbled world and build thick walls around it.

Lloyd was a limbo. A college friend who treated her more than a friend but not quite like a girlfriend. They shared a mutual understanding, they held hands, texted each other until they fell asleep, always sat next to each other and whispered codes only them could understand. At that time, the wall around C.C.'s heart was thick and sturdy and she didn't let herself fall deeply until her and his feelings were assured. But she liked the attention he gave her. She liked feeling special to someone even without the assurance. He was a great friend – reliable and a true gentleman. He was a comfort and a safe haven. She felt giddy when she was with him and she knew he felt the same way too with the way his eyes sparkled when they lay upon her. But still, they didn't cross the line. Until, they graduated and went on their separate ways. Until C.C., saw his relationship status in Facebook with one of their batchmates.

She knows that she's part to blame for never being brave enough to admit and confess her feelings which resulted to her being trapped in what if's for a while. But it was also a blessing in disguise, wasn't it? She was saved from a love that wouldn't last.

But you need the experience, Shirley had scolded once. You have to try, too, and let yourself get lost to someone else. You never let anyone else in since college.

I understand that you're afraid, said Kallen. But you can't let fear conquer you forever and missed out on the chance that's right infront of you.

But she was wrong. C.C. is not afraid. She's just more careful now when it comes to the matters of heart. She doesn't dive blindly to the whirlpool of overwhelming emotions anymore, instead she thinks. And thinks. And thinks if the attention they are giving her is just out of curiosity or out of something else. She takes all the factors involved before deciding if it is worth a shot.

For C.C. had enough experience of feeling she's part of the choice when, from the very beginning, she never was.

I'm outside.

C.C.'s brows furrow at the message she received from an unknown number. Before she can even contemplate on who's possibly texting her, her phone dings again for another message.

It's Lelouch, by the way. Got your number from Kallen.

Grabbing her jacket from the rack, C.C. abandons the show she is currently watching and heads to the door. She finds him leaning against his car, clad in a pair of black pants and a black sweater. He looks so casual and homey holding a box of – Her eyes narrow at the familiar box in his hand. Is that what she thinks it is?

"Hey, sorry for dropping by all of a sudden," the man says as a greeting.

"Why are you here?" she asks, trying hard not to stare at the pizza box.

Lifting the box between them, Lelouch answers, "I'm here to bring you these. It's your favorite, right?"

"It is. But why are you giving me one?" As much as she wants to grab the box, C.C. needs to know first the motive behind his action.

"Well," With his other hand, Lelouch rubs his nape and for a moment, he looks like a shy boy standing before his crush. C.C. immediately erases that thought. "I was on my way home when I passed by this pizza parlor then I suddenly remembered what you told Shirley about pizza the other day."

"What I told Shirley?" What did she tell Shirley about pizza?

Lelouch nods. "It's okay if you don't remember. Here. Please take this. Well, I hope you'd like the flavor I chose."

Finally, C.C. takes the box from his hand and the aroma immediately invades her senses. She cannot wait to devour it. "Thank you."

"Oh, and, uh, are you free tomorrow?"

C.C. looks up. "Yes, why?"

"Well, I was wondering if…" He scratches his head and C.C. takes note of the redness at the tips of his ears. She bites her lower lip to stop herself from smiling. "You could show me where to buy some of Junji Ito's books."

Her brows rise in surprise. That was something she doesn't expect from him. More so, she doesn't expect him to remember their conversation about it.

"Did you actually read his works?" she asks incredulously.

His laugh is full and deep. "I said that I would, right? What I didn't expect is for me to like it so much. His writing is hauntingly enchanting and I thought that a physical copy would be a great addition to my library."

"Oh, that's great then! I'll come with you, though, the bookstores that I know that sell them are out of town. Is that alright?"

"It's fine. That's actually better. So, I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

"Okay." When more time passes by that they are just standing infront of her apartment, C.C. decides to break the awkwardness. Lifting the pizza box, she says, "Well, then, thank you again for this. I better eat this before it turns cold."

Her words seem to wake Lelouch up from a trance and he instinctively puts his hands inside his pockets. "Yeah. Right. Of course."

She waves him good bye then turns around to go back inside when she hears him call out her name.

"Yes?"

"See you tomorrow." Again, with that smile.

"Yeah," she exhales.

And C.C. feels that familiar stir in her chest that had long been dormant. She feels the subtle skip of her heart beat, the slight contracting of her chest. There is a ticklish sensation blooming in her stomach and a shiver in her skin. The heat on her cheeks.

And despite not having feeling this way for quite a long time, C.C. knows where this is leading. What it all meant.

So, she turns away and shuts everything down.

And she thinks.

And thinks.

And weighs all the factors that would help her evaluate the situation. Of all the factors that will prove that the extra attention he has been giving her shouldn't be interpreted as him being interested in her.

Tomorrow is just an ordinary outing of two people who are getting to know each other. He asked for her help and she agreed to help him. The pizza might be his advance 'thank you' or a way for her to easily say 'yes'.

And braiding her hair the other day seemed like nothing special when Kallen revealed how he loved doing it to anyone who has long hair.

And most importantly, there is Shirley, whom he seemed to be interested in, too.

C.C. frowns at the thought. If that's the case, then she mustn't assume too much. And perhaps, Lelouch shouldn't act this way towards her, too.

Then, another thought crosses her mind which made her frown even deeper. For what if she's already assuming too much, interpreting everything beyond its real meaning. That what Lelouch has been doing is truly deprived of ulterior motives and he genuinely just wants to be friends with her but here she is, thinking too much of it.

But it's better to think. To be smart at matters like this.

To know where she stands before it becomes too late for her to turn back and keep her heart in tact.