Chapter 47: A Close Distance

And now we're back to a more conventional chapter this time around. Again, I hope you didn't mind the more experimental nature of the previous one. It was a bit of a diversion there, but I feel that just getting it out there was worth it to me. I certainly enjoyed writing it, at least. But now, let's just get back to the real reason why everyone is here: more Bernadetta and Sylvain stuff!

XXX

It wasn't until the evening hours that Bernadetta had sufficiently calmed down from her panic attack to be able to perceive things as she normally did. Regardless, Professor Manuela had insisted that she stay the night inside of the infirmary, if just because she needed to make sure that Bernie wasn't going to have yet another mentally crippling incident that same day. Although the former opera starlet was known to be a bit fiery and abrasive for a woman her age, she still did care about the charges under her care as both a teacher and as a healer.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, Bernie found herself watching the transition from burnt orange to deep blue lighting happen through the window of the infirmary, sitting with her head propped up on her knees in her bed. The beds that Professor Manuela had to spare weren't as comfortable as the one she had in her dorm room, but given the present circumstances, Bernie wasn't going to complain. She felt safe there inside the infirmary, maybe even slightly more so than her own room. Professor Manuela had shown her kindness before, so she was alright in Bernadetta's book, as far as it really mattered. And given how the conversation went earlier in the day with Lady Edelgard, with the sudden reveal about her knowing about her love for Sylvain, Bernie didn't even want to be in even the remotely same building as her overnight. Sure, it was a rather rude thing to think about the heiress to the Adrestian Empire's throne, but it was really only naturally for her to feel that way. So, Bernie was perfectly fine using Professor Manuela's generosity to protect her from that for the night.

Even so, the red and blue of the skies outside the window just made Bernadetta think about what she was going to do next. Lady Edelgard knowing about her and Sylvain made her switching over to the Blue Lions even harder than before. Beforehand, Bernie could've just played it off as just wanting a change of pace, or she could've even come up with some kind of academic excuse for doing so. But now the naked heart of the matter was exposed. At the core of it, that desire was there because Bernadetta felt closer to Sylvain than any of her fellow Black Eagles housemates. How could she even approach that finnicky situation now? It was unbearable!

Bernadetta let out a sad squeak as she buried her face in her hands and slid down back into the infirmary bed. This was no good, no good at all! At that moment, she felt that just about the only thing that could possibly save her from this situation was Sylvain suddenly bursting in through the door on a white stallion, where he would whisk her off the bed and run off with her into the woods to live new lives as lovers. But that was just a fantasy. Bernie might as well have just asked for a magic wand that would grant her wishes while she was at it.

Her eyes gazing up at the wooden rafters, Bernie traced lines over the wood grain lines with her pupils. The chestnut-brown wood of the ceiling looked tinted as dark brown as chocolate in the twilight coming in through the windows, like the kind as rich and as bitterly sweet as the kind that could only bought in the delicacy shops in Enbarr. The kind that made you crave more for the flavor, only to leave a kind of aftertaste on your tongue. Not an entirely unpleasant one, but one that was definitely noticeable.

Maybe her entire life could've been summed up that way, bittersweet but leaning more on the bitter side. For every moment of sweetness, like meeting Sylvain or really getting some writing done on her novel projects, there was something such as being regularly terrorized by her fellow students or just feeling the oppressive weight of the world around her in general. It was hard to live that way, unfair even. But what could Bernie even do about it? She was like a kite on the wind with the guiding string cut, just being tossed hither and tither. It was just a plain depressing thing to think about, with only the thoughts of Sylvain keeping her afloat on that sea of despair.

But yet she still clung to the thought as if her life depended on it. To Bernadetta, her life very much did feel like it was completely tied to Sylvain at that point. It was that feeling that was giving her the push she needed to keep on keeping on. Bernie needed to find some way to continue being with Sylvain, whether Lady Edelgard or anyone else in the Black Eagles knew. It was scary to think about, if not outright completely terrifying. But if there was going to be some way to achieve her happy ending, Bernadetta would need to push herself even harder. She couldn't just freeze up at the first sign of real trouble. That would be doing a disservice to her love for Sylvain.

Although it would probably also be a good idea to talk to Sylvain about all that first. The Blue Lions was his House, after all. If there was going to be anyone who would be upfront on what it would be like to join it, it would be him. Besides, it was a good excuse to spend some time with Sylvain again. The Battle of the Eagle and Lion had consumed a lot of everyone's time and interest in terms of in-person interaction and head-space, so there was a real need to get the situation back to where it should have been.

The thought of being able to spend some real quality time with Sylvain again brought a smile to Bernadetta's lips. As she settled into the warmth of the bed while the outside light dimmed even further, her mind couldn't help but be swarmed by Bernie's imagination of what she and Sylvain would talk about. Or maybe not even talk about, but actually do. It was a sweet feeling to mentally imbibe as Bernadetta took to her rest.

XXX

"Did you hear? That Varley girl fainted or something, and needed to be carried to Professor Manuela's office!"

"She must've gotten snuffed out like a light!"

"Poor girl, she must have poor constitution…"

"Hello! Fódlan to Sylvain!"

Sylvain found himself knocked out of his passive reading of the library's sounds and conversations by the feminine voice coming from right in front of him. From the look of things, Ingrid had asked him some kind of question or input, and she was annoyed that he wasn't paying attention. Granted, Ingrid being annoyed at Sylvain was hardly anything new, as evidenced by the small amount of weariness in Ingrid's look at the Gautier man.

"Huh? Yeah, what now?" Sylvain half-mumbled, focusing his attention on Ingrid. If he was being honest with himself, he had checked out of what he had been doing at the moment as soon as he heard some students gossiping about Bernadetta. The fact that the library was normally so quiet just made the talk about her sound even louder than normal.

Ingrid tapped on the tome opened up before her. "Come on Sylvain, pay attention. If we actually want to get this week's assignment done, we actually need to look for whatever that George Silver guy had to say about fencing."

"Oh right, that guy. Wait, wasn't he some complete hack or something?" asked Slyvian, leaning back in his chair.

Ingrid sighed. "It doesn't matter whether he was really correct or not, the point is that we at least have to reference his texts about rapiers."

"Meh, rapiers are overrated anyway," said Sylvain. "Besides, neither of us actually use them."

"Again, that doesn't matter for the assignment," pointed out Ingrid. "Lords across the lands have used rapiers for ages, so it's only natural we would learn about them too."

"It's not like rapiers are weapons exclusive to lords or anything. Axes and lances work just fine for me. Rapiers are overrated," continued Sylvain.

"Don't let Felix hear you say that, he might just have your head for insulting 'the perfect dueling weapon'," Ingrid lightly ribbed. "But come on Sylvain, it's getting late, and I'd rather get this research done sooner than later."

Sylvain sighed and looked at the pile of books on the reading table. "Right, right. I hear you."

At that, he grabbed a book off of the top of the stack and flipped it open to the introduction. However, even with the text plainly in front of him, Sylvain just couldn't bring himself to actually read it. His mind just kept on wandering over to thoughts of Bernie.

Sylvain would be lying to himself if he said that he wasn't worried about her. Who wouldn't be worried about someone very close to you needing to be sent to the infirmary? And to just to twist the knife further, the library where he was cooped up with Ingrid that evening was only a stone's throw away from where Bernadetta was resting. Talk about being just out of reach. The idea of visiting her there was very tantalizing, but he absolutely wouldn't be able to get away with that as long as Ingrid wanted to keep him there in the library to work on their assignment. As much as he hated to admit it, Sylvain would have to exercise a bit of emotional temperance.

…But even still, as he forced himself to read the introduction to the fencing manual in his hands, Sylvain couldn't help but think that he'd much rather read one of the chapters of Bernadetta's novel. That would've been much more entertaining. Besides, it probably would feel great if they could just back to normal and be a literature duo once again. The Battle of the Eagle and Lion really had dominated his attention as of late, so there was a real need for a mental wind-down and return to some sense of normalcy.

With all that in mind, it was proving to be a struggle for Sylvain to actually make it through the text of the fencing manual. His mind just decided to read the text aloud, in some effort to actually get through the work he was supposed to do.

"Fencing (right honorable) in this new fangled age, is like our fashions, every day a change, resembling the chameleon, who alters himself into all colors save white. So fencing changes into all wards save the right. That it is so, experience teaches us, why it is so, I doubt not but your wisdom does conceive. There is nothing permanent that is not true, what can be true that is uncertain? How can that be certain, that stands upon uncertain grounds? The mind of man a greedy hunter after truth, finding the seeming truth but changing, not always one, but always diverse, forsakes the supposed, to find out the assured certainty, and searching everywhere save where it should, meets with all save what it would—okay, this book sucks," Sylvain said all aloud, rolling his eyes at the words he just read.

"It's long-winded, for sure," Ingrid admitted. "But we've still got to read it." From the way her face looked, however, it was becoming more apparent that she wasn't so enthused by the idea of hearing any more about the tome's contents.

"It's gonna be a long evening…" Sylvain groaned, looking down at the work staring him in the face, running his hands through his hair.

"Let's just power through, Sylvain," sighed Ingrid, flipping through the book in front of her.

As much as he disliked the idea of having to read that fencing manual more than he already had, Sylvain knew that Ingrid was right. He would need to get through that annoying assignment if he was going to have any time to spend with Bernadetta later. The sooner he finished the research, the more time he would have later to hang out and chat with the purple-haired author, and therefore reach a state of normalcy again. And really, that was Sylvain needed the most in his life at the moment.

Once again, Bernadetta became Sylvain's driving force in his life as he endeavored to finish his work. At least one such thing remained a core part of his life, despite all the excitement that had happened recently. All there was left to do was to find an opening to exploit and enjoy the most of it.

XXX

And there we go, another chapter down! I wonder how many of you are old fencing enthusiasts, or at least people who would recognize the references I was making with George Silver there. If you aren't go look up Paradoxes of Defense. It's a pretty nutty combat manual, if just because the guy really hated Italians for whatever reason. I dunno, it's weird. In any case though, I'm sure at least you'd get the small rib I made towards Lords and rapiers in the Fire Emblem sense. That plays more to the audience here.

Anyways, this is The Draigg, and I'm signing off on this chapter for now!