Ghosts of Nights Past

My reddish purple eyes catch the glint off of the ring on my left hand as I smooth out the silks and laces of the wedding dress I have hanging on the back of my dorm. I know this is right, that Thomas is right for me. I mean he's been there with me every step of the way, from when I was an insecure wreck of a girl. I'd been so jumpy, so prone to despair and fall into tears at the slightest thing, but Thomas had been so good with me. He'd hold me when I was crying over something stupid. He was the one that introduced me to my best friend and helped me build that relationship.

I step back and take a good look at the dress, I know he's going to love it, even if I find the cleavage window in the center a little much, but Lou had insisted on it, at least she let me have some see-through fabric there. I think most of what I feel right now is nerves, by this time tomorrow night, I'm going to be married to Thomas. I hadn't told him yet, but I had Vestal check everything, three times, I could give him children. I take a deep breath and pull on a tank-top and shorts before I crawl into bed and think about what a child could be like.

I let that thought linger in my mind as I close my eyes and let the black take hold.

XXXX

The next thing I know, I'm standing in a void, but there are lights in here. I look around and this place feels so familiar yet so alien at the same time I spot something, a picture that was from a party a few years ago. I remember this; it was from that gala in the Royal Navy dorms, I see myself standing, twirling some of my hair around a finger as I was in that navy blue and white dress.

I reach out and touch the picture and I feel myself getting sucked into it, but I'm not sucked into me, rather I'm watching everything from the outside.

I see myself, I look so nervous; I keep looking around for Lou. I watch as this other me almost jumps when someone taps me on the shoulder. I look to see who did it and I smile, at the man in an Eagle Union dress uniform, Thomas looked so handsome that night. He smiles at this other me and I watch as he extends his hand and asks this other me, "I'm new here, do you think I could trouble you for a dance?"

This other me gets so red in the face and mumbles out as I say it myself, "Alright, but are you sure that you'd want to dance with me?"

I watch as this other me and Thomas head out onto the dance floor, his arm going to the small of my back and how I almost jump out of my skin again and I step on his foot. I smirk just as this other me's voice cracks as she says, "I'm sorry!"

Thomas just smiles at her and says, "It's alright, I'm Thomas Kinkaid by the way, the new base commander here."

Before I get the response that memory fades back into a painting and I find that I'm now standing in a gallery of paintings, no, not paintings, memories.

I see the next one I want to revisit; it was from New Year's shortly after that gala. The Sakura Empire quarter had put on a traditional New Year's party for their homeland. I wanted to revisit it because that was the first time I kissed Thomas, under the fireworks at the end of the night.

Just as I reach for it, I see something out of the corner of my eye. I stop and turn to look at it and I know my eyes went wide, I see someone that looks like me, but she looks older and a lot more like Lou. My head tilts to the side as I ask, "Hello?"

I see her ear twitch and she turns to face me, she really does look like me, and even her dress is… oh! Oh my! She's not wearing any underwear! At least as far as I can tell as I can't see any waistband on her hips! She looks at me and her head tilts to the side as she starts to walk towards me, folding her arms under her bust she says, "I hadn't expected this."

"Hadn't expected what?" I ask her.

"To see another me." She says as she stops just out of arms reach and puts a hand on her hip, just like Lou does.

"What do you mean by another me?" I ask her.

She runs a hand through her blue hair as she says, "I'm trying to find the right memory to take over, to adjust the outcome."

My brow knits together as I ask her, "Why would you need to do that?"

She looks so sad as she says, "Sometimes things don't go the way you want, sometimes bad things happen, Helena."

I nod as I respond, "I know that, I remember Kula Gulf."

She shakes her head and takes another step forward, her right hand leaving her hip to touch the left side of my face as she says, "I'm not talking about Kula Gulf, what I'm talking about will hurt so much more."

"Like what?" I ask her.

She pats my cheek before turning away and walking towards a picture I couldn't quite see. I hurry over and go to repeat my question, but it dies on my lips as I see a painting that looks like me, but I'm holding the hand of a little girl that also looks a lot like me. I look to this other me and I see a tear rolling down her cheeks as she reaches out and strokes the little girl in the painting and says, "I'm sorry Lena."

My head tilts to the side and I wonder why she doesn't enter the painting and it sinks in, maybe you have to want to go in. after a few minutes I understand that I'm not looking at one of my memories, but one that belonged to this other me. I look around and I see another painting, that makes my breath catch in my throat and I go over to it. Before I reach it however I get tackled to the ground by this other me and she says, "Don't!"

"Why?" I ask, looking up at the image, I see my wedding dress, I'm holding hands with Thomas, and we're looking at each other in it.

That was when it hit me, this other me is me!

I roll over to see that I'm nose to nose with this other me and I ask her, "What happened?"

She avoids looking at me, looking off to the side as she says, "Pain, loss, and a reminder that I wasn't strong enough."

"Strong enough for what?" I ask.

She looks at me, her eyes are so hard and she says, "I need to find the right memory to go back to, to change us so that we are strong enough."

I kick this other me off of me and start getting up as I yell, "What are you going on about?!"

She looks at me with surprise as she yells at me, "For when the Sirens kill Thomas and Lena!"

This other me starts to cry like the weight is hitting her, and I look to the picture of this other me and the little girl and I go over to it, asking, "She's our daughter?"

The other me doesn't answer, but I feel a hand on my shoulder as the other me says, "When I held her for the first time, I knew everything was right with the world. Thomas loved us both so much…"

She trails off and I look around a little more, that was when I spot it, a painting covered in a black sheet. I walk over to it and pull the sheet off, my left hand going to my mouth as the sound of shock leaves my throat. I see a painting of Thomas, lying face down on the ground, his hand touching the tips of Lena's fingers as she too was lying face down, red pooled under the both of them. I understood this, this other me saw this play out first hand. I look over my shoulder at this other me, she was rubbing her eyes with both hands. I cover the painting back up before I walk back over to her, wrapping my arms around her as I say, "Let's go find that memory you need, let me see it too, and see if I can avoid it in the future?"

XXXX

It doesn't take the two of us long to find it, it was on her side of this void, I see a picture that looks more like this other me, she's walking away from a house and she looks mad. I look to this other me and I ask, "What happened?"

"I was fighting with Thomas, something that left me so mad that I threw away my wedding band." Says this other me, I look to her left hand I see that the wedding band isn't there, before she adds, "That was the last time I saw the two of them, alive."

I put my hand on her shoulder as I say to her, "Come on, let's take a look."

We both touch the painting and get sucked in.

XXXX

I awake to the sound of my alarm, I'm looking around in a panic, but beside me, facing me is this other me, my right hand holding her left hand. On her left hand, I see a copy of my engagement ring, I look to my left hand and see that it's still there.

I sit up and start trying to rack my brain for what is going on, I remember the dreams, except for that last memory painting, this other me sits up beside me and starts looking around the room, her eyes landing on the wedding dress as she says, "No?"

It takes her a moment to notice me and she turns slowly to look at me and ask, "Did I really do it? Did I come back?"

"I don't understand?" I say to her.

She gets out of the bed and walks over to the wedding dress, touching it with her hands, like she's looking for something before smiling as she says, "I did, I'm back to before everything happened."

I get out of the bed and stand beside her to try and see what she's looking at, she holds up the fabric and says, "You're going to drop your cake and stain this dress in this spot."

She really is the future me, I guess.

I look around the room before my eyes land back on her engagement ring and I ask, "What are we going to do about Thomas?"

The future me looks thoughtful for a moment before suggesting, "Since I'm you and you're me, would it be cheating if we both have him?"

I'm speechless, but that word she used sends a chill down my spine as I get flashes in my mind of Thomas with someone else and me, no her, walking in on the two of them and I ask, "Is that what happened?"

She sighs and looks down before nodding slowly as she whispers, "I was away so much with the task force, I don't really blame him, at least not anymore."

I nod slowly, I think I get where she's going with this and I ask, "So if there are two of us here, now, you think one of us will always be there to stop that from happening?"

She nods and says, "Maybe?"

I think for a moment, would it be so bad? I mean it'd be strange sharing him with another me. I knit my brow together before I suggest, "I think we should talk to Thomas first, see what he thinks?"

The other me nods as she says, "Agreed."

XXXX

It was a strange feeling to watch myself sneak out of my dorm via my window while I exit through the front. Part of me hated what I knew I needed to do right now, I needed to talk to Thomas about maybe postponing our wedding, even if by a little. As I come around the side of the dorm I see the other me standing bolt upright as Lou is looking at her with her head tilted to the side.

Oh no! The one thing I was trying to avoid this morning happened! I start to hurry over as Lou walks over to the other me and asks, "Helena? But you're not my Helena."

The other me looks down for a second before closing the distance to Lou and hugging her tightly, more tears rolling down her cheeks. I slow my pace as I see Lou starting to pat this other Helena's back as she turns her head slightly to see me and her eyes going wide.

Once the embrace ends by the other me, Lou looks between us and more demands than suggests, "What's going on, why are there two of you?"

I look at the future me and she looks off to the side and I sigh out, "I'm not sure myself, but she's me and I'm her."

"Not quite, we're separated by about ten years." The other me says, so now I have a bit of a timeline, that means that I'll have Leana in the next couple of years then.

Lou nods slowly before asking, "Okay, but why and how is that possible?"

The future me hugs herself and keeps looking off to the side as she says, "Yorktown knew it would be possible to stop the Sirens for good if Thomas lives and since I know Thomas so well, I begged her to send me back to the right point, but we had to find the right point in my memory with my wisdom cube."

My eyes go wide, that explains how I managed to meet her in that void now! I was exploring memories that were dear to me, dear enough to leave an impression on my cube! That was when I blurt out, "Is that why I ran into you last night?"

The future me nods slowly as she says, "I think so. And you being there this time gave me an anchor point to come back to."

Lou folds an arm under her bust and taps her nose with the other hand as she says, "I think you need to have a chat with Thomas, this-" she paused to gesture at me and the future me before adding, "is complicated."

I and the future me both nod as we both say, "That's where we were going."

Lou nods slowly and makes a gesture with a hand as she says, "Then don't let me stop you, I need more coffee."

I give Lou a tight hug before taking the hand of the other me and hurrying off to Thomas' quarters.

XXXX

When Thomas opened the door and saw two of us, he fell onto his rear, his jaw hanging open, his eyes darting between the two of us. The future me stepped inside and bent at her knees to draw him in for a hug before kissing him deeply while I had my back to them as I was closing the door. When I turned around and saw that, it hurt for a second before I reminded myself that she is me and she'd been his wife for a decade.

When that kiss broke, he looked so panicked and started to back up more on the floor as he tripped over his tongue, "Wha… What…. How…. Why?"

The other me stands back up and laughs as she says, "All you're missing there Tom is the who, where, and when."

His head tilts sideways as he asks, "Helena?"

We both answer, "Yes?"

"I don't get it." He says.

I watch as the future me goes to the kitchen, I follow and watch as she goes about getting coffee going and she starts to make breakfast. I watch how she moves about the kitchen, she knows where everything is and she seems so comfortable here. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look to see Thomas standing beside me and he asks, "Helena, what's going on?"

Before I can answer the future me tells him, "I'm Helena, the Helena you're standing beside, just further down the timeline."

"Now I'm even more confused." He says, his brow knit together as he's trying to figure this out.

She sighs and starts to scramble some eggs and fills us both in on what things are like when she's from and how they figured out Thomas was the key. Thomas seemed to nod along and after the tale was told he asked, "What are we going to do about the wedding Helena? It's today…"

I look down at my engagement ring and to the one on the future me, my brow scrunching together before I say to him, "We postpone it, for now-" I pause and look at the future me, thinking about what I learned last night and this morning before I add, "and when we can get the future me a dress, you marry us both."

His eyes go wide and I look at the table as I say, "I'm not super keen on the idea, but since she's me and I'm her, I don't think it's a problem."

Thomas looks off to the side, I can tell he's running everything through his mind before he touches my hand and asks, "Are you sure, that you'd want to do that?"

I look at the future me and I remember the way she looked at that memory painting of her and Lena, and the way she acted at the memory painting of the death of Lena and Thomas and her guilt over it. She looks at me, and I can tell she's asking me silently if I'm really okay with this. I sigh inwardly, it's for the greater good, a chance to avert something really horrible is worth a little bit of discomfort. I give them both a smile as I reach over and touch the hand of the future me and I say, "I am, are you both good with this?"

The future me smiles and nods, to my surprise Thomas gives her a long look before looking back at me and he says, "I will be, this is just a lot."

"I know." I say to him and squeeze both of their hands.

XXXX

XXXX

We had postponed the wedding for a couple of weeks, long enough to get the future me known and comfortable around the port. It had surprised me how quickly everyone took to her, welcoming her home as a member of the family so to speak. But that was a few weeks ago, right now myself and my future self are standing beside one another, in identical dresses, identical floral bouquets in our hands, the only difference between us, is I have a veil and she doesn't. Across from us is Thomas, looking very handsome in his dress uniform, he had just finished slipping golden bands around the fingers of the two of us, right after we had both slipped a golden band around his left ring finger.

As the band slips around my finger, I hear cheering and whistling going up from those that are gathered here and I know that tomorrow will be the start of my new normal and the start of a new chapter in the life of the future me, one that I know will be better.

XXXX

XXXX

The End.

A/N: This story was spawned off of a piece of art that I saw on the AL subreddit that had Helena looking at her META self with Cleveland in the background and it gave me an idea for a one shot where Helena meets another version of herself. I hope you enjoyed this little one off story and get ready for a return to the world of Matter of Honor for the follow up that will be called "A Matter of Family"

Also if you're interested I've started to have a WiP preview of my next projects on my profile on Reddit u/MetusR

Until next time, happy reading everyone!