Update Sep 30 2020: I'm rewriting this because there have been a lot of little things bothering me about this story and one big thing. I'm changing Hikaru. She'll mostly keep her personality but have a bit of a different origin, in terms of her previous life. I hope that those of you who enjoyed the old version will like this new one just as much, if not more!

Note: Hikaru reveals to some people the fact that she's reincarnated very early on. (At the end of this chapter, in fact!) That's a big turn-off for some people so I figured I'd go ahead and warn you here and not waste y'all's time.

Also, the beginning doesn't have much action and is relatively light, but there's a pretty sudden tone shift at Chapter 8 where things get rather dark and more action heavy. You could probably guess that yourselves given that it's a Hurt/Comfort/Drama fic, but the early chapters lull people into a false sense of security and it can be really jarring.

000

I am amazed at this spring, this conflagration

Of green fires lit on the soil of the earth, this blaze

Of growing, and sparks that puff in wild gyration,

Faces of people streaming across my gaze.

The Enkindled Spring. D. H. Lawrence. Stanza 2.

000

A drop of water or a stone may both fall into a pond. One joins seamlessly, melding with the same matter, one moment separate, the next, not disparate, almost as though it was there all along. The other pushes through as far as gravity will take it, and then is worn away to almost nothingness by a force it cannot truly join.

When I fell into this world, was it as a drop of water, or a stone?

000

For a little while I didn't realize how amazing it was that I was alive when I should've been dead. I just didn't have the thought processes to. Everything was blurry and instinctual back then. I didn't really have much control and most of the time the world was just dream-like. I've had some long dreams before; where there's no sense of time and that's sort of what it felt like. Sometimes when I was cold or hungry I began to get it, because those feelings are sharper and clearer than others. I began to feel uncomfortable and strange and like something was very, very off. Then I'd cry and someone would wrap me in a blanket or feed me and I'd go to sleep for real.

Eventually I learned who I was. The realization came suddenly. It was probably a day like any other, but I was finally beginning to think and see really clearly. The lady in the room (Mom? I thought tentatively) picked me up out of my crib and put me on a blanket. Then she went and picked another young child out of a separate crib and put her on the blanket too. As I stared at the other girl's pale lavender eyes with growing suspicion the lady said a sentence in Japanese that included the names "Hinata" and "Hikaru." I burst into tears as I finally, finally fully realized what had happened.

Hinata started crying too, in response, and the poor lady had to fuss over us for the next hour. I was inconsolable, only stopping when more tears refused to come.

I had lost everything and everyone.

I was going to be a ninja—I doubted I'd have a choice as a Hyūga. I was going to kill people some day and I was going to have to find a way to be okay with that. What was I going to do?

000

Time…didn't fly, but we turned one and then two.

It took a little while for me to figure out that our nurse wasn't our mother, even with my baby brain soaking up Japanese like a sponge. That was a shock. Would there be no Hanabi? Was it because of me? Why? How? I knew I shouldn't feel guilty about something outside of my control, but I was the only thing different in this world that I knew about. I must be responsible. It felt like fate was telling me something important about my presence. Be careful. If what you reap without trying is death and life, then from here on out watch with extra care what you sow.

Living in this world….it would take perfection.

I cried most nights after Hinata fell asleep, for a lot of reasons. Not only did I cause someone's death, but I was terrified of being a ninja, I'd died a painful death and lost my former world, I felt alone here, and as a young child I simply didn't have as much control over my emotions as a twenty-something year old. They were overwhelming. And thus, I cried.

I forgot I was living in a house with a ninja father—who was kept up most nights with business and his own grief—who had excellent hearing and supernatural eyesight. So, one day at breakfast, my heart almost froze when he asked me in a soft voice "Hikaru, are you very sad?"

I could feel myself going to pieces as Hinata looked at me, alarmed. I managed to whisper "Yes." Father was silent for a full minute. He picked me up. I immediately, instinctively, started to feel a little better. "It'll be okay." He bounced me up and down a little, "You will grow up to be a strong girl. A strong kunoichi. And nothing will make you cry." Even though I didn't really have positive feelings about being a ninja, the words were comforting. I could feel the love and conviction behind them, and I planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, tou-san." I said, sniffling. "I love you." This person wasn't the hardened person I knew from the anime; he was more gentle and loving than I had expected. Mostly, he was really tired. He would fall asleep holding us in his arms, after telling us stories. With such obvious care and devotion on his part, it didn't take long for me to grow affectionate. He was my dad.

He picked Hinata up too and bounced her up and down a bit, making her laugh. I'll never forget that moment—the sun was streaming in the room, tou-san holding me and Hinata, and the great feeling of peace I suddenly had.

I started to get better. My emotions and crying didn't go away all at once, not by a long shot—but I could remember that moment and draw strength from it. That night I thought "Everything will be ok."

000

We began training at two and a half years old. The first six months had been very basic things, having us hang from a bar and seeing how long we could hold on, walking us up and down stairs a lot, and other age-appropriate things. (Well, age-appropriate for ninja-in-training.)

Now we were two weeks away from turning three, and I was staring at a balance beam that had been set up in the dojo. It was a very low and wide balance beam, but still, a balance beam. I looked up at Dad, face scrunched up in distress. I knew I could walk in a straight line, but wasn't this taking things a little too fast?

"It's okay, Hikaru-chan. I'll be holding your hand the whole time."

I did it on my first try of course, steps almost completely sure and steady. Hinata made it too, but was more wobbly and hesitant and far more scared than I was. When she paused in the middle Dad said,

"Come on Hinata, Hikaru did it just fine and so can you!"

Innocent and encouraging in context, right? I had no idea the constant comparisons it foreshadowed. Being an only child in my previous life left me unprepared for sibling dynamics, and how parents played siblings off one another.

That was also the day we started on stances and stretches. No punches or anything. Again, basic stuff. Mostly Dad taught us, but sometimes Hizashi-ji-san did, and sometimes another member of the family did. I had been under the impression that in the anime Hiashi had always trained Hinata, but I guessed that in reality he was probably too busy.

The next day we had Kō supervising us. He was the person who watched us most often after dad and our uncle. He was nice, and liked to take us on excursions out into the village. After lunch we went on one such trip. Kō bought us dango and let Hinata look at ribbons in the market and then took us to the Yamanaka flower shop so that I could look at flowers. I always insisted we come on the off chance Inoichi would be there. So far no luck, but hopefully one day.

I didn't know how I was going to be able to talk to him even if he was there. I just knew that I needed to. I'd already caused a death and I wanted to prevent more than one—starting with Hizashi-ji-san. I didn't know what would become of me after everyone found out who I really was, but if I could save his life I figured it would be worth it. The reason I thought it needed to be Inoichi and not someone else is because he could prove whatever I said right away by doing a mind-walk jutsu. I was running out of time. Our birthday was nearly here and I knew the kidnapping had happened soon after that.

A bell jingled as we walked into the shop. (Well, Kō walked in with us in his arms. Then Hinata demanded to be let down. Kō kept me in his arm because I couldn't see a lot of the flowers otherwise.) Inoichi wasn't behind the counter again—instead there was the same brown-haired lady from before. Kō walked through the shop so I could see the flowers up high and then I asked to be let down too so I could see the ones kept in trays on the floor.

I was staring at some violets when a deep unfamiliar voice said, "You can touch them gently, if you want." I let out an "eep!" and whirled around and looked up. There he was, towering over me and looking down with amusement in his eyes. Kō watched us from the corner of his eye further down the row.

"Oh. H-Hai! Ummm… Who are you?" I blurted out. He told me his name.

"It's nice to meet you, Yamanaka-san. I'm Hikaru."

"It's nice to meet you too, Hikaru." He said. My eyes darted back and forth between his, then down to the right toward the floor and back up again as I tried to think of what to say, anything to get him interested in me without Kō becoming suspicious too. As the silence between us stretched to more than a few seconds I realized I needed to say something again.

"Ah. Your eyes are pretty." He laughed and I blushed. What could I do? It wasn't like I could talk to him in English or ask him to mind-walk me when Kō was right there. Kō would tell Dad and…and I was being a coward. I was so scared to tell Hiashi, but I knew I needed to. Instead I'd hoped to just let Inoichi know, because he could prove it after digging around in my head and then he could tell everybody and I wouldn't have to worry about how I was going to tell the man who raised me that I wasn't just his daughter. But now that it came to it I couldn't tell Inoichi first and have it work out, not because I didn't want to anymore but because there wasn't any way.

"Hikaru! Are you okay?" Kō asked, alarmed. He was suddenly crouching beside me. I was trembling with fear just thinking about it all. I needed to do this: to speak out and to let people know what was going to happen, but I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me all of a sudden. Had this not all been real to me before this moment? Had I been too trapped in just existing day to day so that just seeing and talking to Inoichi, another "character," had brought this on? This was all too big and I didn't know how to make people listen and believe. My heart thudded and my whole body shook as I looked from Kō to Inoichi—both of whom looked at me in a mixture of confusion, alarm, and concern.

"I-I-I need to talk to Dad, a-and Inoichi, and the H-hokage. I n-need to—" Kō swept me up in his arms, before turning and giving an apologetic bow to the Yamanaka clan head.

"Forgive me, Inoichi-sama. Hikaru is not well. I must take her home immediately."

"N-no!" My shout was muffled by Kō's shirt as he held me close and swept a confused Hinata up as well. "Stop! S-stop!" Now Kō was running faster than the normal eye could see. What screams made it past his shirt were immediately swept away by the wind.

I was still panicking, unable to stop, by the time we got home. What was I thinking? I couldn't do this, could I? Could I risk everything, my own life even, for my uncle? What type of person would that make me if I couldn't?

"Hiashi-sama!" Kō burst into Dad's study, unable to knock with his hands full (though doubtless Dad had heard us coming). He stood before the desk as Dad quickly arose. "Hikaru started panicking when we were in the village! Something is wrong." Hiashi Hyuga took me from his from Kō's arms, studied my crying, wailing face for a moment, and then he slapped me.

I quieted immediately, shocked (not surprised exactly, but shocked into silence all the same), with eyes wide and cheek stinging. More sobs threatened as my chest heaved and my breath hitched, but I did not scream anymore. Could I? Could I tell this man? I have to, I have to, I have to.

"Hikaru." Hiashi's voice was dangerously low. Kō looked on, shifting Hinata into a more comfortable position with only the slightest furrow on his forehead indicating concern.

"I-I'm sorry." I focused on my breathing. If I didn't I was just going to cry again.

"What happened?" He asked Kō.

"We were in the Yamanaka flower shop. After Inoichi came up to her and introduced himself she started shaking. There was no reason as far as I could see. She said she needed to talk to you, Inoichi, and the Hokage. I decided I should bring her back here immediately and made my apologies to Inoichi-sama." He said.

"I have something, something really important to tell you." I couldn't look him in the eyes. "I was scared. But I need to tell you." I glanced at him, but quickly looked away when I saw he was scowling.

"As far as you can tell," he was still talking to Kō "Inoichi didn't do anything to my daughter."

"No, Hiashi-sama. I was watching the whole time. He was just as surprised as I was." He said.

Hiashi's scowl deepened. He activated his Byakugan. His eyes didn't turn in my direction, but this close I could see them moving back and forth incrementally. I guessed he was examining me.

"Tou-san, what's wrong?" Hinata startled us all a little with her question.

"Nothing's wrong." He said, deactivating his Byakugan. "Kō, take them to their room." Before handing me over he said, "Hikaru, you know better than to act like that, especially in public. I don't want any more outbursts."

"But—"

"No buts!" Hiashi brought a hand up and rubbed at his temple. I wilted in Kō's grasp, taking in his tired expression. He wasn't going to listen. He thought I'd just thrown some weird temper tantrum and didn't want to deal with it.

Kō bowed as best as he could with two children in his arms and left the room. He had a worried scowl on his face as he took us to our room. He set us down and Hinata, still confused, wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

"I love you." She said. I smiled and said "Love you too" back. Kō started to leave.

"Kō!" He turned back. "Can I talk with you?" His face softened in concern.

"Of course, Hikaru-chan." He sat beside me. I tried moving to sit beside him, but Hinata had me in a death grip.

"Um. Hinata?"

"No!"

"Um." I tried hugging Hinata back, hoping when I let go she would too. It didn't work. I turned my head toward Kō, who was now looking amused. "Kō?"

"Hinata-sama, let go of your sister."

"No!" She hugged me tighter. I would have face-palmed, had I been able to move my arms at that point.

"Hinata, I can't breathe!" It was almost true. "I can't breathe!" She let me go. I heaved in a huge breath of air. "Thank you!" Hinata giggled and then ran over to the corner we kept our toys in. I walked over and plopped down beside Kō, drawing my legs up and hugging my knees.

"Kō? Can I tell you a secret?" I wasn't sure about this at all, but nobody else would listen to me. Kō always listened. He looked surprised at my request, but he nodded. "You have to promise not to tell anyone else, though."

"Is this what you wanted to talk to Hiashi-sama about earlier?"

"Yeah, but now I don't think he'd believe me. I don't know if I want to tell him."

"It's ok, Hikaru-chan. I won't tell anyone." I doubted he was telling the truth, but I still wanted to talk to him. I blew out a big breath. I didn't have any idea of where to begin.

"It's about why I started crying at the Yamanaka's flower shop. But, there's a lot to explain. Um, this is a weird question, but have you ever noticed anything…weird about me?"

Kō blinked, "Of course not, Hikaru." I scowled a little. That was a typical response to a little girl, but I wanted a sincere answer.

"No, I mean really. I want to know, have you noticed anything." Kō ran a hand through his dark, spiky hair, considering.

"I'm not sure I should be the one telling you this… I think you already know that you're very smart and serious for your age. Even with today, you have much better control over your own emotions than Hinata-chan. And then…" He hesitated.

"Then what?"

"Nothing."

"What?" I persisted.

"Look, Hiashi-sama will tell you when you're a little older. It has to do with your training." My brow furrowed in confusion. My training? Sure, I was steadier than Hinata, and less afraid to try new things, but I didn't think it was anything would stand out too significantly.

"Why do you ask?" Kō inquired.

"Well, um." I couldn't think of any smooth way to frame it. "I might be really serious because I'm not actually as young as I look, sort of."

"What?" Kō half laughed, caught off-guard. I put my forehead on my knees.

"I think I was reincarnated, but I remember my past life." I mumbled. "I remember having a family, and studying in school, and I remember dying. I didn't even speak this language there. I spoke a different one." I turned my head to look up at Kō, whose eyes were now wide.

"Well…that would explain…" He started haltingly.

"Explain what?"

He ran a hand through his hair again. "May as well," he muttered, before raising his voice to a normal speaking level again "it's what I mentioned earlier. Ever since you were born you've had a large amount of yin chakra. We're afraid it may interfere with your training. No one knew what the cause was, but if you've already had a lifetime of experience, it would make sense."

"Oh. Well, yeah." I said lamely. I hadn't known that. Actually, I hadn't been able to manipulate my own chakra at all yet. I was really disappointed, because being sensitive to my own chakra and being a chakra sensor would be really, really useful. Byakugan did kind of the same thing, but you couldn't have it on 24/7. Also, sensing would've been a more subtle, unknown advantage. With my eyes, people would have me pegged as a Byakugan user the moment they saw me.

"Why did you want to tell the Hokage this?" Kō was looking at me thoughtfully and intently. Now was my turn to straighten up and run a hand through my hair.

"Uh. I'll tell you that, but I'm going to explain some other stuff first and then tell you, ok? But it all has to do with the answer. So, in my world, there were a lot of stories. There were thousands of writers making up stories. And some people thought that there might be different worlds. And some people thought that with so many different worlds there was a chance that anything that we could think of was probably actually happening somewhere. And people also thought that if in one world the hero won, that in another world the same story happened but the hero lost. So, they thought there were endless possibilities of what a world could be like. So, in that world, I read about this world. It was all a story in a book. But, in that version I didn't exist. There wasn't any Hikaru Hyūga."

"So then…?" He trailed off, still a little uncertain of where the Hokage came into this.

"So then, besides the fact that I'm here and that changes things. I know what's going to happen!"

His expression cleared. "We need to tell Hiashi-sama."

"Wait! Except, there are some other things besides me being here that are different too, because I'm here. And, I don't know how many other things are different. There could be millions of differences. What I know could be useless. Also," I tacked on as an afterthought "that's why I started crying when I met Inoichi Yamanaka. Because he was another "character" in the story. I guess before then it almost wasn't real, but then I met him and everything was too…big."

"What else is different?"

"Hinata wasn't a twin, so Mom lived instead of dying when we were born. Hinata had a little sister instead. I don't remember what her name was." I shivered. "So, I…don't want to tell Dad. I'm scared."

Kō patted my head and I found the gesture comforting. "It's okay. I'll tell him." He stood up. I stood up and hugged his leg. "Thank you." I said, letting go.

Kō paused at the door. "So, how old are you?"

I grinned. "Older than twenty but younger than thirty, and don't ask a girl her age." He smiled back and left. I sat down with a huge sigh of relief and started to tremble with pent-up nervousness. It was all over now, I did it!

000

The next week found Hiashi Hyūga, Inoichi Yamanaka, and Hiruzen Sarutobi sitting in the Hokage's office in a heated discussion. Hiashi had explained the situation, showing the other two men the language his daughter had written out for him and what she had told him, first through Kō and then in her own words.

"Misplaced foresight could be even more dangerous than no foresight at all." Inoichi said, for the second time. "We can't take her word for it when she isn't sure herself. She said things have changed already."

Hiashi narrowed his eyes at the slight to his daughter. "Even so, the information she has could be invaluable. She hasn't told me much, but if I ask her to I'm certain she could tell us more."

"Inoichi is right." Sarutobi took his pipe out of his mouth, "but perhaps she could be some help. From what you've told us, she has a good understanding already of the clans in the village, how shinobi work, and even how missions are ranked. Generally things are the same. So, perhaps we can test one event. Have her tell you the soonest thing she knows will happen. If it happens as she says it will, then that increases the chances of her being right on other things. If not, then the chance decreases." He let the others consider that a moment before continuing,

"However, even if she is right, we mustn't rely on her like a crutch. If we do, then that could prove fatal if she's ever wrong. Even if she is perfectly right, the more time goes on and the more changes there are, the less valuable her information will become. In the end," he fixed Hiashi with a hard stare, "Hiashi, you are raising a young woman who has been torn from her own world and may be constantly comparing this reality with a story in her head. I'd like Inoichi to meet with her, to determine her loyalty to this village and for counseling purposes. She may've told you all this because you are family, but in this story of hers we might not be the heroes. It won't be in the village's interest for her to become a kunoichi unless that gets smoothed out—" he met Hiashi's scowl calmly "—if that's the case." He said, finishing mildly.

Hiashi nodded, losing his scowl. "Hai. Hokage-sama." He said, if a little stiffly. Hiruzen looked at Inoichi, who also nodded and responded affirmatively.

"Well then, you two should arrange some time to meet. Now, I have other business to attend to."

AN: For my old readers coming back, as you can see I've combined the first two chapters. The first one was really short when I first wrote it, and the rewrite made it a hundred or so words shorter, so I felt combining them was the right decision.