Detox
A Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: Voyager, Deep Space Nine, The Next Generation et al are the property of CBS Television, Paramount and the creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.
Yeah, I know. I go on hiatus from fic writing for one month and this is the monstrosity I cook up. Well, least it's short.
Okay, I lied. It isn't short. And it's inspired by SFDebris. So yes, this is going to be something.
More omakes and scenes I didn't know where to fit.
"So, the question is," Janeway asked, "who posted the bounties on us?"
"Ah," Chakotay said. "That's... the interesting thing..."
A Borg cube was floating in the depths of deep space. Surrounding the massive vessel were ships from the Kazon, the Hirogen, the B'omar, the Malon, Vidiians, Krenim, Vaadwaur, and numerous other races.
In the center of the massive cube, in an elaborate meeting room, there was a representative from numerous races. A little girl in a pink dress and with blonde hair sat on the side of a redheaded woman staring blankly. A Malon and his assistant sat next to them, looking grumpy. Hirogen growled at Kazon, Kazon growled at Trabe, Vidiians fiddled with their medical devices out of habit, the Krenim all seemed a bit out of sorts, the Vaadwaur were eying everyone else with suspicion...
"SHUT UP!" The little girl shouted. The Kazon leader growled.
"Who are you to command us, child?"
The "little girl" turned into a giant, purple eldritch monstrosity that roared in every single sense every alien there had. It then grabbed the Kazon and did something to him that would haunt the nightmares of every being that saw it. Only the blankly staring redhead seemed unperturbed, as the creature finally dropped what was left of the Kazon male into a bucket and beamed it away.
"ANYONE ELSE?" The monster snarled.
There was a resounding silence. The creature turned back into a little girl and smiled.
"Good! Now then... Thanks to the Cooperative hosting us on their ship, the Delta Quadrant Alliance can now come to order. Our first order of business..." And here, Suspiria smirked.
"Destroying Voyager!"
And this, at least, got cheers from the representatives.
"And after that, we can discuss an actual economic plan using the Vaadwaur subspace networks for the alliance," said Riley Frazier, representative of the Cooperative. "It will allow us to better utilize our resources and benefit all of us."
Much silence and staring. A Kazon raised a hand.
"Can you explain economics? And... Resources? And... Plan?"
"Oh God," the Krenim muttered.
Voyager's next system looked extremely inviting. Lots of warp traffic, the spectrographic analysis of the planets indicated they were all oxygen-nitrogen rich and covered in water, the star was G-type, and the subspace traffic suggested the races in the system were at the very least friendly.
Unfortunately... They picked up some unwelcome warp signatures at the border of the system. Readings Lieutenant Kim could not really believe.
"Captain, I'm picking up Kazon warp signatures," Harry announced. Janeway looked over her shoulder in confusion.
"Kazon? Are you sure that's not a sensor malfunction?"
"No," Harry said, looking a bit concerned. "I wouldn't mind knowing if I'm relapsing though..."
"I don't sense it from you," Kes said politely. She scanned around the bridge. "Or any of you, for that matter."
"That is comforting," Tuvok stated, observing his own console. "I have identified similar warp signatures."
"Take the cure again, both of you," Chakotay ordered. "And transfer the readings to my station."
Tuvok dutifully injected himself with a hypospray marked with a green tie. Harry injected his own, and hit a few buttons. Chakotay looked over his armrest console, and Janeway checked it herself as well. Kes leaned over. Janeway looked up at her, and the blonde Ocampan nodded.
"Yes... Looks like Kazon ships. Several of them," Chakotay murmured.
"Get the Doctor up here," Janeway ordered. "And then we'll figure out what to do."
A quick examination by the Doctor confirmed that no, they were not relapsing and yes, there were numerous Kazon vessels lying in wait for them.
They gathered around the Ops console, where Harry worked to decipher the transmissions between the vessels with the use of a cloaked probe he and Seven had developed. Seven was on the mission console nearby.
"So, what are they doing here if they aren't hallucinations?" Janeway asked. "How did they get here?"
"The probe reveals their hulls have picked up radiation consistent with subspace tunnel exposure," Seven reported. Janeway gaped.
"The Vaadwaur too?!"
"Well, that bounty was put out by 'The Delta Quadrant Alliance'," Harry noted. "If it's going to be an alliance of people who hate us, the Kazon are probably top of the list."
"Who would ally with them though?" Chakotay asked.
"They are inefficient and offensive, unworthy of assimilation," Seven opined.
"No argument, but they do have a lot of ships," Janeway mused. "And they aren't particularly bright. The Delta Quadrant Alliance may just be using them as enforcers."
"A lot of better options for that though," Chakotay said.
"We should not underestimate them," Tuvok said. Janeway nodded.
"Agreed... But we need to resupply. So... How are we going to do that?"
Kes hummed thoughtfully. She then smiled.
"Captain? I have an idea," she said. Janeway raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? What?"
The Kazon captain smirked as he saw the ship approaching. He would hail it, challenge it, and it would give up its treasure to them! Especially water... Wonderful, glorious water.
"Hail them!" He ordered. The viewscreen switched to a view... Of a familiar bridge. His eyes widened. Was he so lucky?! YES! Voyager! He made to signal the other ships... And then felt his arm lower as Captain Janeway and that blonde Ocampan witch stared at him through the screen.
Still... He had to ask, despite the feeling of calm descending over his mind:
"Is this the Federation Starship Voyager?" He asked. Janeway smiled.
"No... This is Captain Nicole Genoway of the Foundation Starship Vortex," she said pleasantly.
"Foundation? Vortex? Not... Voyager?" The Kazon captain asked. Janeway shook her head.
"No no... We get that a lot."
"Sir, we have visual on their starship," his sensor operator said, in between bites of a snack they'd taken from a local ship. The captain waved his hand, and the screen switched to a view of-Voyager!
The screen changed back to Jane... Genoway and the blonde Ocamp...an... Witch... Woman...?
"But you have Voyager written on the top of your ship!" He managed to asked. Genoway just smiled.
"It's a misprint," she said. "Maybe you should check your sensors."
Yes, he should. The sensor operator too looked confused, but not eager. It was nothing to worry about, maybe... Still...
"You're clearly Captain Janeway though!"
"No, no, I'm Captain Genoway. Again, get that a lot." Genoway said. "I suppose some aliens have trouble telling humans apart."
"You mean... Like that human behind you, who resembles Harry Kim?" Asked the Kazon Captain, pointing at the screen."Savior of half the Quadrant over in that chair?"
"He gets that a lot too," Genoway said. "You shouldn't worry about it."
"Yes," the blonde woman said, "this isn't the ship you're looking for."
"It... It isn't the ship we're looking for," the Kazon captain said with a nod. "By all means, proceed. You will owe customs to the Delta Quadrant Alliance agents within the system."
"Of course, thank you!" Janeway said cheerfully, waving. The screen turned off, and the ship passed by on her way. The Kazon captain smirked.
"Continue our patrol! There are more vessels to search and plunder!"
"Oh great, now what?" Janeway asked, as Tuvok's console beeped warningly. The Vulcan tactical officer raised an eloquent eyebrow.
"There is a Hirogen patrol ahead of us," he said. "They are changing course to intercept."
Janeway turned to Kes. The blonde shook her head.
"I can influence them, but such an obvious deception isn't going to work on Hirogen. Especially if the ships keep in constant communication with each other."
"They do," Janeway said sourly. "Besides, it's not a great leap to make a Kazon dumber."
Tom turned around in his chair with a smile.
"Captain? Mind if we try one of my ideas this time?"
"How good is it, Tom?" Janeway asked. Tom grinned.
"I think you'll really like it..."
The Hirogen Alpha studied the visual image of the starship. It was roughly the same mass as Voyager, but had numerous structural differences. Elongated warp pylons, a gap in the forward saucer section, different nacelles...
"Hail them," the Alpha ordered. The screen shifted and a female human with blonde hair was sitting in a darkened bridge. "This is the Hirogen Pack to Federation ship. Identify yourselves."
"This is Captain Gilmore, of the Federation Starship Viking," the woman said. "How can we help you?"
"Federation?" The Alpha asked, sounding calm and pleasant. He smiled unpleasantly. "Then you know of...Voyager?"
Then the humans on the bridge did something unexpected-They panicked. The blonde captain gasped in terror, the helmsman hid under his console, and numerous other humans in the background looked distressed. The Hirogen could not help a sneer of disgust at this weak reaction.
"Oh God, no!" The captain cried.
"Save us from those lunatics!" Another male human shouted.
"Not the salamanders! NOT THE SALAMANDERS!" Shrieked another as he fitfully rolled on the deck.
"I take you have," the Alpha said dryly. The captain nodded fearfully.
"Yes! We were also taken to the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker... And the greatest threat was from Voyager!" She cried. "Give us Borg over those nuts, we'll gladly take them!"
"They have caused a great deal of harm and chaos to our people," the Alpha said, feeling sympathetic despite himself. Captain Gilmore nodded.
"Yes. As soon as they reach Earth they will suffer the worst punishments you can imagine! That's why we're striving to get home so quickly. We must inform our people of what they have done!"
The Hirogen Alpha considered this. "Will their punishment involve... Flaying?"
"Oh yes! Humans and Vulcans all know all sorts of barbaric, terrible ways for people to die!" Captain Gilmore said. "And to keep them alive with forbidden sciences while being flayed!"
The Hirogen nodded. "Very well. You may pass."
"Thank you-"
"But, should you prove more worthy of a hunt, we will not hesitate to track you down and kill you," the Hirogen stated. Captain Gilmore nodded.
"Oh thank you so much! That would be far better than dealing with Voyager again!" She cried. The Hirogen blinked.
"... Begone!"
"Of course, good bye~!" And the transmission cut. The Alpha looked to his Beta with a grimace.
"I'm going to be using the holodeck for several hours... Such lackluster prey fills me with... Disgust."
"Agreed, sir," the Beta said with a nod.
"Well... Looks like they bought it," Janeway said, sitting back in her command chair. She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Holodeck 2. Good work everyone."
"Thanks Captain," Marla Gilmore said. "They seemed particularly disgusted with us."
"I helped a little, but most of it was your performance," Kes said with a smile.
"The Hirogen ships are heading off," Tuvok reported. Janeway nodded.
"Very well. Harry, keep our holographic facade and altered warp signature online until they're out of sensor range."
"Aye captain," Harry said. He grinned over at Tom. "Great idea, Tom!"
"Yeah, I'm thinking of writing a holonovel based on the adventures of the USS Viking," Paris said, "the poor ship that gets all of Voyager's crap."
"That should be Equinox, should it not?" Gilmore asked over the comm. "Considering how hard you guys made it for us?"
"I'll take it under consideration," Tom said.
Hope you enjoyed.