Same drill, same drill. Reviews are my body, and more Reviews are my soul.

ATTACK ON THE LOLI! (FBI sirens at the door)

A Stormy night at Tohsaka Manor

Three days after Shirou received his father's gift, the third week after the disaster

Rin Tohsaka was a great many things, and one of them was lonely.

While she did exceptionally well to hide her insecure feelings, she was nothing but a small girl who lost all her family. Her sister was still alive of course, but they were now worlds apart. Above all, her ward was a fake priest with severe mental issues!

Rin walked around her room like a cornered cat. It was a day ago when she received the sudden news that Kirei...Kirei of all people adopted a child...and he sounded genuinely happy about it too! It took all of Rin's self-restraint not to gag over the phone.

After that shocking reveal, she spent the rest of the day for preparation. After all, it was the first time a guest of her age was going to visit her family villa, and she was going to follow the Tohsaka code to a letter; Always be graceful. ...To be honest, she was also a little interested in the boy who managed to catch Kirei's attention.

Thus, she ordered a cleaning crew to swipe the floor until it shone, and also a full course French dinner from a famous restaurant to be brought to her door. She even went so far as to buy a new dress of crimson velvet interwoven with gold silk.

However, the Tohsaka blood was strong in her, as she seemed to miraculously 'mistake' the time of Shirou's arrival. When Shirou had arrived by himself at the door (since Kirei had told them beforehand that he had an 'urgent task he needed to take care of'), tucked inside the black coat of a Catholic priest with a silver cross hanging at his chest, she was still in the shower 'preparing' herself.

Unknown to her, Kirei had already given Shirou the house keys of the Tohsaka manor and told him that he could wait inside if there was no one at the door.

Of course, Shirou was very skeptical of Kirei's words, so he made sure to wait outside even if it was the case. Sadly, there was a certain natural phenomenon that dampened his determination. Quite literally.

"Why in hell is it raining buckets right now...?"

Shirou sighed as he stood under the porch. A gust of wind carried the heavy rain into the small shelter, splattering his clothes with cold water. The sky rumbled and boomed with thunder while streaks of white lightning split the dark skies. He pressed the intercom again. There was no answer.

"I guess I have only one choice...else I'll be soaked before dinner. I don't want to be a bother...I heard the Tohsakas place a high value on etiquette."

With another short sigh, Shirou reached into his pocket a pulled out an antique silver key with intricate patterns. He thrust the key into the keyhole and turned it with a click. He sensed the vibrations of a 'lock' opening up the boundary field.

"At the very least, I'll announce my visit once I get in. I don't want to be mistaken for a bugler."

He took a deep breath and stepped inside.

"Hello? I'm Shirou, Shirou Kotomine! My father gave me the keys to this manor, so I helped myself inside! If there is any...miscommunication with my father, please let me know! Hello?"

The manor's interior was...exquisite. Not overly lavish nor excessive, but refined in a classy way. The red carpets, the stone hallways, the wooden oak doors...it really put emphasis on awing the visitors with its natural elegance, one provided by the design, and not through silver and gold.

Even the rain hammering on the large windows atop the staircase provided a contrast to the artificial candlelights emitted by the chandelier, making him feel welcomed by bathing the whole hall in a warm glow.

Shirou marveled at its beauty for a few seconds before he quickly snapped back to reality. He still needed to introduce himself to the Tohsaka heiress after all.

Just as he was about to call out once more, the lights flickered off. A boom of thunder resounded in the distance, followed by what sounded like a crash and wires snapping. Shirou put a hand to his forehead.

"Me and my luck...to think that the power is down on this particular night...should I ask Artoria too...no, Kirei strictly forbade me against that. I shouldn't risk it...at least, not now."

A high-pitched yelp echoed through the empty home. It sounded like a young girl. Was it...?

"I'm coming!"

Before he knew it, Shirou's body was already sprinting at top speed towards the source of the voice. In less than five seconds, he has already covered the distance between the girl, his hand placed on the door she was in. He opened it without a moment's hesitation.

Inside the dimly lit, steam-filled room, he saw a girl stand up on wobbly legs, her arms carrying her head. The rays of moonlight shone upon her back from the small window in the bathroom, illuminating her petite yet feminine figure that was yet to blossom.

Wait...the bathroom? White skin, black hair, the drops of water trailing down her curves...the blue eyes that opened wide. Azure eyes that reminded Shirou of the Mediterranean sea. Her eyes met his. Time seemed to stand still. A drop of water splattered against the white tiles.

The girl opened her mouth, her cheeks flushed bright red. A torrent of mana surged through her body, empowering them beyond mortal realms. Blue-greenish lines of her magic circuit glowed so brightly, they lit up on her skin. Shirou quickly raised both hands to placate the very angry girl.

Sweat trailed down his brow. Nighttime, power down, naked girl, Christian boy in her bathroom...a future title of the Tiger News appeared in his head. 'Orphaned priest in training breaks into the home of an orphaned girl! Is this FATE!?'.

Shirou gulped. This was bad. A whole new level of bad.

"WAIT! This isn't what it looks like! Let's talk-"

"DIE HENTAI!"

The girl's small fist flew through the air with an audible whoosh. Shirou's body moved on autopilot. All emotions left his mind as he turned into the war machine of God. Catching her wrist within a circular motion of his palm and simultaneously disrupting her center of gravity, he swiped her legs off balance and tangled his arms around the vitals of her naked body, as an anaconda does to its prey.

Shirou blinked once more, his emotions returning to him once he neutralized his 'threat'. He noticed the girl in his arms had stopped squirming. Her ears were now red, and she was trembling. He heard a small sniffle.

"Jesus Christ.", the boy cursed. The silver cross on his chest quivered.

An hour later

"...This is what happened. I'm terribly sorry for intruding into your...personal time. I think it might be better for me to take my leave."

Shirou had explained everything after he helped one very embarrassed Rin onto her feet and wrapped her in a bath towel. After she regained her bearings and somewhat composed herself, she had changed into a red evening dress with gold patterns of a butterfly and invited him to sit down with her at the parlor.

He had immediately praised her beauty with a surprisingly large vocabulary, and she had accepted it with a graceful smile, although there was no hiding the way she blushed and subtly glanced over at her companion.

"No, of course not. I also reacted...on impulse. I even used physical enhancement and the kung-fu punch my evil mentor, I mean, your father taught me. You are innocent. Let's just say that this is one big unfortunate misunderstanding caused by...him. He can go to hell."

"Yes, he can go to hell.", Shirou agreed while nodding sagely.

The girl and boy looked at each other with a strange sense of comradeship. They both started to giggle. Rin stood up from her chair, extending a hand towards Shirou. She couldn't help but notice how handsome he was with his silver earrings of a cross, spiky red hair with a shade of orange, and golden eyes that bore a striking resemblance to that of a dragon.

"I'm afraid we must use candlelight for dinner, dear guest of mine. Would you be so kind to help me find them?"

Her guest graciously accepted her invitation with an amiable smile and grasped her hand in two of his own, placing them on his chest. She noticed the silver cross he wore around his neck as it brushed against her fingers.

"But of course, my dear host. I'm looking forward to our dinner together."

Rin blushed as Shirou gently took her hand and kissed her fingertips. She looked away and coughed slightly.

"B-by the way, while we're at it...where did you learn those moves you used on me? Although the way you moved looked similar to a lot of Chinese martial arts, they are not Baqiquan, aren't they? Who taught you if it wasn't your father?"

"I'll tell you over dinner."

Rin blushed again, flustered from realizing that she might've sounded like an overeager child- which she was. Her circumstances have forced her to mature, but she was still a girl below ten. Shirou pretended not to notice as he took her hand in his, standing by her side as her escort.

"Shall we?", he asked.

"Y-yes. Of course!", his host stammered back.

With Rin's arm hooked in his, Shirou recalled the first time he met his martial arts master with a wry smile...

Flashback to the first week at Fuyuki Church, on the way to Tiger Dojo (Dojo: Japanese training grounds for martial arts)

"You did say my body is far more superior than most humans in the modern age...a body of a servant taken flesh...a physique from the age of the gods, right?"

"Correct."

"Then, the reason for taking me to this 'master' instead of training me yourself is because my body has more...potential?"

"You catch up fast. Yes, you are correct."

The Christian father and son were walking side by side, on the road to a Dojo owned by an old yakuza clan called the Fujimuras. There was a certain someone Kirei was well acquainted with that was now residing in said Doujo as its host/martial arts director, and Kirei had asked the person to take Shirou in as his disciple.

This 'someone' was nonother but Kirei's kung-fu mentor. Kirei's lips quirked upwards as Shirou eyed his father with suspicion.

"Who is he exactly? From the way you talk about him, I assume that he is your master and he has great skills beyond the level of modern man...though either than that, I'm lost."

Kirei nodded.

"A good enough guess. Alright, I guess I'll explain to you on our way there. First and foremost...what do you remember about Chinese martial arts from my lecture?"

Shirou scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration.

"There are many variations, the most well-known ones being Shaolinquan, Baqiquan, Tanglanquan, Taixiquan, Hungjaquan, Xingyiquan, and Changquan. Every one of them focuses on different aspects, such as hitting speed, parrying, dodging, striking with fingers, and closing distances."

Kirei nodded, satisfied by his son's answer.

"Very good. Now, imagine that all the kung-fu arts you've said earlier were nothing more but a watered-down version that was originally taught to the disabled of a certain clan? What if all those famous kung-fu arts are actually, in truth, incomplete?"

Shirou's mouth opened and then closed. If it is what he thinks Kirei was implying...

"You are taking me to the descendant of said clan. You think that I'm capable of mastering that ancient art."

Kirei chuckled.

"Not only ancient but the epitome of all Kung-fu. The ultimate art of killing. The art of the Wu clan."

With a cough, Kirei began his lecture.

"The origins of the Wu Clan stem from more than 5000 years ago...from the time of early ancient Greece and Egypt... It is told as thus;

'On the Chinese continent, in an age long past... When the old gods still dwelled in this land... It suddenly appeared, as if it were seeping out from the earth. It went on to slaughter without rest. It killed people, beasts, demons, and gods alike. Eventually, its eyes were stained black by the blood of its victims. Its name was Wu Hei, the first Wu.'

Thus, began the Wu clan."

Kirei's faraway look focused back on his son. Shirou stayed silent, content on letting the man continue.

"I...I was taught by their descendants. The Baqiquan...the Fist of the Eight Extremes...one of the most famous martial arts of China..."

Kirei chuckled and shook his head as if he has heard something truly absurd.

"That was nothing but a pale imitation taught to the outsiders and the sick of the Wu!"

Shirou swallowed, his eyes widening at this revelation.

"Wait, I'm an outsider! How can I be qualified in the first place?"

Kirei smiled.

"In my case, I was a failure, unfit to be taught the Wu techniques...not because I'm not their blood. As a matter of fact, there is no rule that the Wu arts can't be taught to outsiders. It was simply a matter of capability. When an outsider capable of mastering the art, or one strong enough to be a Wu appeared, the Wu clan ushered them in as their own, all to breed a stronger lineage, a more versatile bloodline."

Kirei lowered his voice into a hush as if to tell Shirou a secret.

"You see, the Wu clan specializes in a very...unique technique, a secret art, fit of their bloodline. An art only a Wu is capable of mastering, the fruit of labor brought out of thousands upon thousands of years of selective breeding, from the age of the old gods themselves. And you-"

The priest tapped his finger on the boy's chest.

"-You are given the chance to succeed said secret art. Ah, here we are. No more questions, I assume. Let's go."

"W-wait, Kirei! Father! I need to prepare myself-"

"Excuse me! I, Kirei Kotomine, and my son Shirou Kotomine have arrived according to our appointment! May I enter?"

"Enter you shall, Kirei."

A deep voice answered Kirei's voice. One so deep, it almost made the marrow in Shirou's bones melt. There he was, Kirei's former mentor, a muscular man with wild wavy black hair. The man sat on top of the roof with his legs hanging over the side.

"Long time no see, Shifu...Wu Hong mo."

"I see your infuriating manners have not changed all these years. Not only that, they escalated. It seems that even hell is not enough to change your warped mentality."

The man leaped down from the three-story building and landed without a sound in front of Shirou. He sniffed the boy. After a few long seconds, he nodded, a crazed grin splitting across his solemn face.

"Ku,kukuku! To think that a husk of the boy would be so similar to our divine ancestor...! Indeed, a boy born from the mud of bloody hell!"

The man kept chuckling for a few seconds before he abruptly stopped and looked at Shirou straight in the eye. Was it his imagination, or did he see the man's sclera turn black...?

"One warning, kid. Do not call me by the Wu name, especially when I'm in Japan. Call me by my Japanese name, which is Kouma Kishima, when we're in this Dojo. Outside...you're free to call me Kouma Kurei."

"O-ok, I mean, as you wish, sensei!"

The man smiled. Shirou felt a shiver run down his spine.

"I think I'm going to like you, boy."

He turned his back to Shirou and started to walk into the gates. Suddenly, Shirou saw a face of a demon, an oni, rise up from the muscles of his V-taper backside.

"What are you standing there for, boy? Waiting for the crows to land on you?"

Shirou jolted out of his illusion. Shirou rubbed his eyes. The wrathful god was no longer there.

With a quick apology, Shirou hurried after his new master.

"...That, my dear lady, is how I came to train the secret arts of the Wu clan. Well, to be specific, I was only permitted to practice the most basic techniques of the clan since my body was still 'too immature', as my sensei put it."

They had finished their full French course, and were now relaxing with a cup of English tea. Rin rose up from her chair, stars shining in her blue eyes.

"Yet, you beat me with ease, using those basic moves! You are amazing!"

Shirou scratched his head, a little abashed by her innocent praise. It was more like his master's diabolic training program was greatly effective, though he didn't have the heart to say it.

"Uh...maybe?"

Rin reached over and grasped his hands in hers, holding them to her chest. Shirou felt a faint sense of Deja Vu.

"Teach me the Wu clan technique, and in return, I shall teach you how to master your own magecraft and the basics of the Tohsaka jewel magic! Please say yes!"

Shirou felt the girl's expectant gaze bore a hole into his heart. He sighed.

"...Only if it doesn't damage your body."

"Deal!"

Rin jumped up in joy, only to quickly calm herself down with a blush, berating herself for how 'unladylike' it was. Before he knew it, Shirou had patted her head out of pure instinct. It just felt natural, like a brother caring for his little sister.

"...Rin?"

Shirou saw steam rise up from her head.

It took a few minutes for the girl to reboot.

"...Hey, Shirou?"

"Yes?"

"Want to stay for the night? I-I have a lot of empty guest rooms, and the storm is getting worse, so...I mean, you don't need to if you want to go home..."

"I would love to get to know you."

"Really!?"

"As your brother, of course. My father is your guardian, right?"

"Ah, yes, as a brother..."

"Tohsaka...? What's wrong?"

"Kotomine-kun?"

"Y-yes?"

"You can go back to your lovely father."

"...What the hell...?"

A few hundred yards away, a creepy priest stood in the heavy rain.

He had this...revolting smile one has when in ecstasy. He was in ecstasy if the way he shivered meant anything.

"To think that the son of the man who killed the father of the girl would have such an amicable relationship..."

He pulled out the earphones from his ears. Kirei had learned a few things from the deceased magus killer, and one of them was modern warfare.

With a flick of his finger, he cut off the connections with the countless bugging devices he had planted in the Tohsaka manor whilst its unfortunate 'blackout'. That nude event was nothing more but a mere bonus for him, though not an unwelcome one.

Ah, what a devoted son Shirou is! To think that he would bring entertainment into his dull life! To think that he would give him something to feel happy for!

He truly was a blessed man.

Ah, classic flag event & Tsukihime's first death flag encounter...in less than a month. The protagonist skill is thicc!

Kudos to the guys who realized the references. Yes, Yujiro Hanma from Baki, the Wu (Kurei) clan from Kengan Asura, and finally, 'the demon-blooded killer of Tohno' aka Kouma Kishima from Tsukihime. ...Why the hell is he even in Taiga territory!? Maybe the current head of the Tohno has changed...? A certain girl, what was her name...Akiha? Heh.

Two more weeks until we get back to Nurse-sama. (sad berserker noises)

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X-kalibuuuur, over and out!