A/N: Sorry, this is merely a fragment; I'll try to post the second half of this chapter soon.

Writing this while ill, so I apologize for the lack of length. Work's burning me out, can't eat anything, and my back is on FIRE right now...

As ever, we're going by the Embers Rule. This will be deleted if folks don't like it. That's right, gone for keeps. Every bit of feedback counts. So by all means, speak up! Makes yourselves heard! Your words matter, after all. I wouldn't be here without you. That's no joke.

Now then, onto your questions. I'll keep it short this time around:

Q: When will we get to the proper action! Hurry up with Blake, already!

A: Don't rush me; I do so hate rushing...

Q: Second childhood for everyone?

A: Tempting, but no. Naruto and Kaguya would rather drink than raise a family.

Q: So this is a looser take of All Things Must Die? Pretty sure you said that somewhere, but just wanted to be sure.

A: Yes, for those who weren't old, this is a more humorous take on "All Things Must Die", one in which Naruto and Kaguya actually established dialogue -and drink!- with one another rather than actively trying to eliminate each other. As things stand, the Rabbit Goddess is too busy getting sloshed to care about world domination.

Heh. I can just imagine how Isshki and the rest would react to this.

Hell, Naruto would probably offer them a drink, too!

Aaaaand now I'm imagining a drunken Isshki. Wouldn't that be a terror?

Alright, I've kept you long enough. I could answer some more questions, but I'd rather the story speak for me.

As ever, I own no references, themes or memes. 'Tis only tributes!

Really, that's rather obvious by now.

"You'd be amazed what a little dialogue can solve.

Well, that and a stiff drink.

Drink up me hearties!"

~?

Release (Fragment)

Emerald blinked once.

...you're letting me go? Just like that?"

"Not quite." Naruto smiled. "Think of this as...probation."

"Why?" she scowled at him from where she sat, still bound by heavy chains. "What do you stand to gain from this?"

A few things." His smile wasn't reassuring. A distant crash echoed his words from somewhere upstairs, punctuated by a shout. "Your ex-boss needs a minder, for one. No one else wants to look after her as she is now." he almost sounded sober when he said it. "Kid's started acting out."

Emerald looked left. Emerald looked right. Emerald pinched herself.

"This ain't a dream, Emmy." The drunken god before her scoffed and knocked another bottle back. "Make your choice. You look after her, or I throw you back into that cell."

The illusionist grit her teeth.

Times were a' changing. Or perhaps things had simply changed when she wasn't looking. Regardless, she found herself at something of a crossroads given her current...predicament. Life on the streets had taught her much. She knew a sinking ship when she saw one; even if she refused to abandon hers. Emerald was many things, but at the end of the day she was loyal.

To Cinder, if nothing else.

Not to the Branwen Tribe, of course. Those bastards were finished. Screwed. Borked right and did she owe them? Not a thing! Vernal was all but a slave to the man before her. Raven Branwen was currently experiencing a second childhood at his hands; something Emerald had absolutely had no desire to revisit herself.

But small Cinder was so...adorable!

The idea of her former boss calling her "Mother" was honestly too tempting to ignore. Cinder had taken her in at her lowest point...did she not owe her the same? Maybe her reasons weren't entirely altruistic. No, on second thought, they definitely weren't. Too small. Too cute. Must protect.

She imagined it for a moment and shivered a little.

"So to be clear," she gulped a little when Naruto's eyes flashed white, "You want me to look after Cinder for awhile."

His smile was tipsy, but she didn't miss the intent lurking beneath. However drunk he might be, he was still dangerous. Anyone who could make mincemeat of maidens wasn't someone she wanted to anger. His right hand twitched and she shied back from him. No, she wouldn't be shaking his hand anytime soon. She didn't trust him that far yet. Perhaps she never would.

"Precisely. But before all that," he leaned forward, "I just need one little thing from you. Something Watts and Mercury wouldn't give me."

...did you kill them?"

A blond brow rose. "I don't kill my enemies...often."

Right, right. There were worse things than death, weren't there?

Emerald swallowed thickly and weighed her options. She suspected she knew the answer. "Name it. Whatever you want."

"Good girl." Naruto's smile was all teeth. "When are the White Fang attacking Haven?"

Emerald briefly considered holding onto that tidbit out of spite if nothing else.

Then the whiskered warrior tilted his head just so.

She warbled and broke.

(...Some Time Later...)

The White Fang struck in the dead of night.

Their orders were clear, their purpose clearer still.

Truth be told, Adam was rather proud of his accomplishments.

Just as Beacon had fallen before, so too would haven be laid low. No one would be able to stop the Fang. His Fang. With Sienna's death, they were his to command. Just thinking of it filled him with a hot flash of pride. He would do what she would not. Could not. Covert agents had already begun the painstaking process of planting explosives; first on the CCT tower to prevent any such communication across the kingdoms; from there they would set out to the school itself. Nothing could stop them now.

Floodlights snapped on from the courtyard above, bathing his brothers and sisters in baleful golden light.

Wait. Why gold light?

Adam looked up.

...oh, dear."

"Hmm? You only brought a few dozen men? That's adorable." Naruto raised his hands in turn. "Alright. I'll play. Release restraint level one."

Someone behind him swore a blue streak. "GET DOWN-

All hell broke loose.

A/N: Ayup~! Felt natural to end the chapter there.

Once more, Embers Rule persists. If folks don't like it, poof! Gone. Deleted. No joke.

Pairing is going to be an...unorthodox one. I'm aiming for a surprise here. Care to guess it? I intend to make it something...amusing.

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review...Would You Kindly?

And enjoy these previews!

Lets get crazy~!

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

READ IF YOU DARE!

(Previews!)

"Enough of your prattle!" Adam brandished his blade. "White Fang! Attack! Slay this drunken fool!"

"What, you and a few men? In case you haven't noticed, you're a tad outnumbered...

Adam grinned into it. "I didn't come alone! I brought friends!"

An awful roar filled the night. "OZZZZZPIN!"

Oscar swore softly. "Oh, no...

Blake blinked. "What did I miss...?"

Leonardo whimpered. "Mercy?"

Naruto smiled. "Sure."

"Truly?"

A fist slammed into his face.

"No."

"Winter?! Why are you here?!

...I have come to collect Arthur Watts." Winter scoffed. "Who is this ruffian? He reeks of alcohol."

Weiss winced despite herself, knowing full well who he was. "Poor choice of words there, sister."

Naruto raised a glass from where he lay. "Oh look, another Schnee...come, have a drink!

Her dear sister batted it away, ignorant to her peril. Blond buffoon. Take your stinking carcass somewhere else."

Naruto frowned down at the shattered bottle. "You just ruined perfectly good Vacuo wine. Do you have any idea how rare that is?"

"If its that precious then I'll pay baaaaaaack!"

Her words piqued into a shriek as a hand closed around her face and slammed her down.

"Hey, Weiss. How'd'ya feel about having a little sister?"

"You wouldn't dare!"

Willow laughed and raised a glass in tipsy salute.

Like any enterprising individual, Vernal had gone and jumped from said ship.

She hadn't expected to land in someone's lap, much less their bed, but this wasn't so bad.

"Harder~!"

...oi. This is a massage. Don't be lewd."

R&R~!

~Nz.