Part Seven:

Homer, Lisa and SG-1 Go Through the Stargate

Inside the Stargate Command base, the face of Homer Simpson lit up.

"Hey! Colonel O'Neill! Can I get a uniform?"

"Don't push it, Homer." Colonel Jack O'Neill was all business in his sunglasses and his own uniform (which had the word "colonel" on it). His voice was casual but stern, and his manner was no-nonsense.

In contrast, Homer had a much different demeanor.

"Are you sure I can't get a uniform?"

"No, Homer."

"O-o-o-oh!" A dejected Homer slumped slightly as he engaged in a long drawn-out moaning groan.

Homer grumbled all the way to the Gate Room. There, his demeanor changed abruptly. In the light of the fully activated Stargate, Homer raised his head and gave a slight gasp. He gazed at the sparkling waves with his mouth agape.

In his lab, Dr. Walter Bishop adjusted one monitor to zoom in for a close-up of Homer's illuminated face. He then adjusted another monitor to get a better look at the light of the Stargate shining on Lisa Simpson who stood smiling with her mouth wide open.

Walter then shifted his focus to Colonel O'Neill.

"Looks like Walter is on the ball today," O'Neill said. "Our Walter. Not other-Walter."

From his lab, Bishop laughed quietly. Much as Homer might.

Major Samantha Carter smiled at the colonel's comment then she leaned down to talk to Lisa.

"What do you think of the Stargate, Lisa?"

"It's beautiful, Sam. Just like you."

Carter smiled as she rested her chin on Lisa's shoulder. "You realize those aren't actually really waves, right?"

"I know," Lisa said in a dreamy voice. "But this moment is so great I won't go into all that."

"Will I need to push anyone in?" O'Neill asked, glancing around with a prompting look.

"You might have to push my dad," Lisa said.

"I don't think I'll need a push, Colonel O'Neill. But will you hold my hand?"

"I'm not going to hold your hand, Homer."

"Oh!" Once again, Homer made his sad-and-angry groan.

Another smile from Carter who had her face next to Lisa's head.

"Are you ready to go through the Stargate, Lisa?"

"You bet!"

As Lisa wore a big smile—it was perhaps the biggest smile of her young life—she walked with Carter up the ramp. Hand in hand, they stepped into the "waves" of the Stargate.

Here's what happened on the other side of the Stargate (where, despite her mother's instructions, Lisa did not dress warmly): on the other side, Carter and Lisa emerged just fine and still hand-in-hand. Both of them with smiles on their faces. Teal'c and Daniel were already there. They looked a little more serious.

Not surprisingly, Colonel O'Neill stepped out of the Stargate in a calm and orderly fashion, as you would expect from a military man who was also an experienced Stargate traveler.

Homer, on the other hand, fell out of the Stargate and rolled down the stairs.

It was a lot like the time O'Neill, downloaded with the knowledge of the Ancients, rolled out of the Stargate with a lot of grunting and groaning. All very violent, I might add.

As Homer rolled out, with no increased knowledge, he did a lot of loud shouting and screaming with a lot of "Ow!" "Ah!" "Oh!" and of course "D'oh!"

As Homer lay flat on his back and in an unresponsive state, Lisa was oddly unperturbed. Just like in the car with her mom and Carter.

O'Neill looked slightly concerned. "Is he all right?"

"Don't worry, Colonel O'Neill," Lisa said. "Stuff like that happens to him all the time and he bounces right back."

As he glanced back and forth, O'Neill frowned. "Really? You sure?"

A smiling Lisa nodded. "He and Bart are pretty resilient."

Teal'c also looked unperturbed as he gave his own affirmative nod.

"Whatever their flaws, Homer and Bart Simpson do seem resilient and adaptable."

"And you seem pretty deep, Teal'c. There's more to you than just muscle."

As Lisa smiled up at him, Teal'c gave a slight bow from the neck up while he wore a subtle serene smile.

In contrast, O'Neill looked concerned as he went to Homer's side.

"Hey, Homer. Buddy? You all right?"

"This could be bad for our insurance," Daniel muttered. Next to him, Teal'c lifted an eyebrow.

As if on cue, Homer abruptly sat up. As he held up a fat finger, his face was as serene as his voice.

"Lisa's first word was 'Bart,'" he announced cheerfully.

In response, O'Neill wore a serious affirming look as he shouted confirmation. "He's all right! He's okay!"

"I'm okay, I'm all right," Homer echoed, nodding his head absently.

O'Neill turned and held out his hand to the hottest scientist he knew. "Carter, why don't you be our tour guide today?"

"My pleasure, sir." Still holding Lisa's hand, Carter bent down just a little. "Welcome to Beta Site, Lisa."

"Whoa!" A wide-eyed Lisa once again smiled with her mouth wide open as she took it all in.

Walter played with the monitor controls so the cameras did a 360 degree pan around Lisa.

"This is like a back-up to our main base on Earth," tour guide Carter explained.

"Really?" Lisa said.

"Yes," Carter said with a smile and a nod. "You're actually light years from Earth now, Lisa."

"Whoa!"

"Yes," O'Neill said. "Whoa indeed. One time I hit a golf ball and sent it light-years from Earth."

Carter frowned. "I don't recall that, sir."

"You wouldn't. I was in a time loop."

Homer made a noise that was like a gasp and shriek of delight. "I want to be in a time loop. Can I be in a time loop?"

"No, Homer."

"Ple-e-e-e-e-ease?"

"No."

"Please, please, please, please, please, please!"

"No, no, no, no, no."

"Okay," he muttered.

As Homer bowed his head, Lisa continued her look of wide-eyed amazement.

"This is so incredible."

"It gets better," O'Neill said. "This is where we do a lot of our really top secret stuff. We've got a friendly old scientist. We've even got an alien, an Asgard."

Homer giggled. "As-guard."

"Homer, don't," O'Neill said.

"Yeah. Grow up, Homer," Daniel said.

"Indeed."

"'Indeed.'" As Homer attempted Teal'c's deep voice, the Jaffa's eyebrows shot up. Now he looked amazed, but different from the way Lisa looked.

"Yes. Anyway…." O'Neill shook his head then went on. "Like I said before, you may find this even better than Itchy and Scratchy Land."

Homer shrieked in terror. It wasn't just because of the memory of a robot attack at that park. It was because he was approached by a thin gray fellow with big bulbous black eyes.

Homer quickly recovered. "Who are you?" he asked, still a little frightened.

The gray being moved slowly as he spoke in a calm stoic voice.

"Do not be alarmed, Homer Simpson. I am Thor."

Homer gasped. "Like the God of Thunder from Marvel Comics?"

"No, not that Thor," O'Neill said.

"No. Indeed not," Thor said.

Homer gasped again. "The Flintstones knew an alien with magic powers. The Great Gazoo! Are you like him?"

"No, Homer. I am, in fact, Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet."

For a few seconds, Homer stood in silence blinking his eyes. Finally, he spoke.

"So….no magic powers then?"

"No, Homer."

"Oh."

As Homer once again bowed his head, Carter actually gave him a pat on the back.

"It's okay, Homer."

"Yeah, it's okay," Daniel said. "Thor has a different kind of power."

"Indeed."

"He and Sam have worked together before."

"Indeed."

"Can you stop saying that?"

"Indeed," Teal'c said followed by a smirk.

"Yes!" O'Neill said. "It's true. Thor may not be the Great Gazoo. But he's great at picking brains. Specifically, Carter's brain."

"Well, I would put it another way, sir."

"Me, too," Lisa said, looking a little troubled perhaps.

"Thor needed ideas. He needed a brain. A human brain. And who better to go to than Carter and her brain?" O'Neill held up a finger as he pontificated. "Here's the weird thing, though-"

"He wanted to eat her brain?"

"No, Homer."

"Dad, that's gross!"

"I prefer Jell-O," Thor insisted.

O'Neill lifted up that finger once again. "Good old Thor wanted dumb ideas!"

Now Lisa gasped in horror. "No!"

"Yes! It's hard to believe. Even though Carter is a natural resource, if not national treasure, Thor wanted her for 'dumb ideas.'"

Lisa continued to look horrified, even scandalized. If Carter was insulted, she didn't show it. Instead, she merely grinned graciously.

"I think what Thor meant by dumb ideas was some unusual ideas that the Asgard simply wouldn't think of."

"Asgard."

"Homer."

"Sorry."

"So, dumb ideas," Lisa said with a thoughtful look. "You mean like creative thinking mixed with intelligence?"

Another affirmative smile from Carter. "Exactly, Lisa."

"That kind of thinking we can all engage in to one degree or another," Daniel said.

"Indeed."

"Stop that!"

"I bet Teal'c can." In response to Lisa's comment, Teal'c smiled and bowed.

"Maybe even Homer," Daniel said.

"I have lots of dumb ideas!" Homer announced triumphantly.

"I'm sure you do, Homer," Thor said, still with the calm-quiet-gentle voice. "It seems the people of Springfield do as well."

"You bet we do! But I'm king of them all!"

"I am not sure that can be scientifically measured."

O'Neill gave Thor a look. "I can never tell when you're joking around."

As Thor responded with a blank look, Homer went into a chant.

"We're number one! We're number one!"

Giving Homer a look, O'Neill shook his head and gestured a cutting motion with his hand.

"It seems that 'dumb ideas' have enabled the citizens of Springfield to survive various crises."

"Yay, Springfield!" Homer shouted. He then stopped to blink at Thor. With a confused look, he pointed. "You're not just Mr. Burns in disguise, are you?"

"No, Homer. I am not."

"Excellent," O'Neill said in a kind of slithery voice.

Homer pointed again. "Are you one of those Roswell aliens?"

"You mean one of these?" Thor held up a photo of the cast of "Roswell." Homer screamed in terror, as he often did for little or no reason.

Carter leaned in toward Daniel. (Lisa was wandering around looking at the equipment and quietly observing the scientists at work.) "Do you think it would confuse Homer if we told him about Area 51?"

"I think just about anything would confuse Homer."

"This is our plan," Thor said. "We will draw on the 'dumb ideas' of Springfield then use them to confuse the Goa'uld."

"Whoo-hoo!"

"All right! I've never been more proud."

"Me either, Lisa!"

"Me either," O'Neill said.

"It is appropriate to be proud and respectful," Teal'c said. "In their own way, the people of Springfield are able warriors, cunning and resourceful."

With a slight frown, Teal'c turned his head as Homer resumed his chanting.

"We're number one! We're number one!" This time Homer added a little dance.

O'Neill's eyebrows went up, even on his cartoon face.

"One thing's for sure, Thor: if it's 'dumb ideas' you want, Homer's probably got a truckload of them."

"You bet I do!" Homer shouted, raising a triumphant chubby fist. Adopting a dreamy smile while his eyes were half-closed, Homer put his arm around the colonel. "Thanks, buddy."

Surprisingly, the colonel did not jerk his shoulder away but gave Homer a light pat on his fingers.

"You're one-of-a-kind, Homer."

"Colonel O'Neill is correct in his evaluation. Although you ask many unusual questions, Homer Simpson, it turns out you will be quite useful to us in our battle with the Goa'uld." If an Asgard could chuckle in a friendly way, Thor would have done so here. "In fact, it may be your very unusual nature that makes you so useful."

With a coy look, Homer waved his hand. "Oh, go on."

"No, Homer. I will not continue on. To do so would be repetitive. I have concluded my thesis."

"Good," O'Neill said. "Glad we got that settled. Now, can we learn how the Simpsons will help us in our fight against the Goa'uld?"

From his lab, Walter rose.

"That's my cue," he mumbled. "This is where I make my entrance. Just as SG-1 and the Simpsons must play their part, I must play mine."