Part Sixteen:

O'Neill To Springfield: "'Bye"

"Very good, Colonel O'Neill," the Evil Keeper said in a sinister voice. "I see I will have to erase your memory again. This time I will turn you into Homer Simpson. It will be much harder for you to find your way out of that. But first, this..."

The Evil Keeper held up a finger. "March!" he shouted.

An army of Jaffa marched toward the colonel, shouting, "Get O'Neill! Get O'Neill!" Except these were the people of Springfield in Jaffa uniforms. Groundskeeper Willie gritted is teeth and shook a fist as he shouted, "Get him! Get him!" At the head of the army was Mayor Quimby whose grim face was only visible for a few seconds before a giant snake head closed around it.

"I'm First Prime to Apophis, and I love it," he said in a voice that was much like that of President John F. Kennedy. That distinctive voice echoed inside the armored snake head.

Clasping his hands in front of his robe, the Evil Keeper smirked.

"Don't worry, colonel. This is just part of the conditioning process. Once this nightmare is over, you'll find life as Homer Simpson to be quite agreeable."

When O'Neill shouted groans of protest, he realized he was doing so in the voice of Homer.

"Dah! D'oh! Gah!"

The Evil Keeper was giant-sized and dressed in a Jaffa uniform, his giant hands around O'Neill's neck. For a moment, he turned into a giant Moe.

"Just take it easy there, Colonel O'Neill. Don't fight it. Hey, take a look at yourself in the bar mirror there."

O'Neill saw he was in Moe's bar, and he looked into a mirror. In that reflection, O'Neill saw his hair was shrinking, his skin was turning yellow, and his brown eyes were turning into giant ping-pong balls with black pupils.

"Why, you-! I'll-Ugh! Gah! D'oh! Dah!"

"Enjoy your life in Springfield, Colonel O'Neill. Or should I say 'Homer?'"

"I'm...not ...doing that! I got through those nanites….a time loop...being downloaded...and now this!"

O'Neill had his own voice back. The Evil Keeper looked shocked, and O'Neill tore the giant arms away from his neck.

The Evil Keeper fell.

O'Neill didn't bother to watch. Instead, he floated above Mt. Springfield, much like a superhero or one of those flying old fogies, er, elderly folks.

Below him stood the citizens of Springfield, no longer in Jaffa uniforms.

At the forefront of the Springfield crowd was Homer. As he smiled his daffy but friendly smile, he waved his hand.

"Goodbye, Colonel O'Neill," he said in a mild gentle tone. "And may the Force be with you."

Daniel leaned in to whisper. "Wrong franchise, Homer."

"It's all right, Dr. Jackson. Daniel. In this situation, we won't quibble about such things."

As Walter spoke, he wiped a tear from his eye. So did Sgt. Walter Harriman. And Siler. And Moe. Most of the people from Springfield bowed their heads.

Seeing this, Comic Book Guy commented.

"This is like that episode of 'Justice League Unlimited' where the old-fashioned heroes save the Justice League. Then the leader of those heroes gives the Justice League a goodbye salute."

Comic Book Guy performed such a salute with two fingers to his forehead.

Cartoon-Daniel, -Carter and -Teal'c all turned toward him.

"Shut up!" they all said.

"Or maybe it's more like the end of 'Toy Story 3' where the boy, Andy, says to the toys, 'Bye, guys. And thanks.'"

No one objected to that. Instead, the people of Springfield sighed, "Aaaah!" in a sentimental way. Then looking up at Colonel O'Neill, they all waved.

O'Neill surveyed the situation. All his new friends were there, like the Simpsons, Moe and Walter.

It was rare that Col. Jonathan "Jack" O'Neill looked somber. This was one of those times.

""Bye, guys," he said quietly.

Once again, O'Neill woke up. This time he saw three familiar, and friendly, faces.

"Welcome back, sir."

"Hey, Jack."

"Greetings, O'Neill. It is good to see you are well."

A groggy O'Neill blinked his eyes as he struggled to sit up. No restraints, he noted. And he noticed something else.

"Teal'c," he said. "You're not a cartoon."

"Nor are you."

"Uh, yeah," Daniel said with a slight frown. "Anyway, don't worry about the Evil Keeper."

"He is out cool."

"I think you mean out cold."

"That as well." Teal'c gave a slight bow from the waist.

"Uh, yeah," Daniel said again. "He's unconscious and under guard."

O'Neill rubbed his forehead. "Did you knock him out, Daniel? Slug him maybe?"

"Uh, no."

"Did you use knockout gas maybe?"

Daniel wore his confused frown. "Where would I get knockout gas? What am I, the Joker?"

"We employed a staff weapon."

"Ah. A zap," O'Neill said.

"Sir," Carter said. "You may be feeling the after-effects of the virtual reality machine."

"I'm feeling something," O'Neill said as he squinted and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I managed to reprogram parts of the virtual reality machine so you would know something was wrong. I wasn't sure what would happen if I simply disconnected you. I thought the safest course was to let you find your way out on your own."

"Which obviously you did."

"What is your physical condition, O'Neill?"

"I should be all right as long as I get checked out by ol' Doc Frasier and not Dr. Nick,"

"Sir?"

"Nothing." O'Neill waved his hand. "Hey. As far as you know, after that whole Hathor thing, did Frasier ever dance in the hall?"

"Not as far as I know, sir." While Carter blinked in confusion, Daniel and Teal'c offered their own individual unique looks of confusion and concern.

"Are you certain that you are all right, O'Neill? This seems like the time you referred to me as 'Lucy.'"

Briefly, O'Neill recalled how he and Carter went nuts from some weird disease they brought in from another planet (PX-something-whatever). While O'Neill couldn't remember the designation for the planet, he certainly did remember that sweet little tank top number Carter wore during that crazy time.

In any case, once O'Neill recovered from the craziness, he greeted Teal'c with "Lucy! I'm home!"

Naturally, Teal'c didn't get the reference since they didn't broadcast "I Love Lucy" on Chulak.

O'Neill pushed aside thoughts of tank tops, Lucy and Chulak.

"I was like a caveman back then, Teal'c."

"We both were, sir."

"Do you, in fact, understand that I am not Lucy?"

"Yes, Teal'c."

"Great. Now that we've got that all settled, you may be interested to know that the Evil Keeper sent a duplicate of you. But we figured out it wasn't you."

"Did you now? Saw through him, did you?"

"Yes, sir. It was pretty easy."

"For one thing, he said nice things about me. To my face."

"That would be a dead giveaway," O'Neill said, deadpan.

"He also used phrases like 'corona radiation' and 'magnetic ion storms.' And he used them correctly. For the most part."

O'Neill responded with an eyebrow raise and a nod. "I see."

"But there was one thing he did that was a really big giveaway."

O'Neill held up a finger. "Let me guess. He didn't like Uma Thurman or Mary Steenburgen."

"No, not that."

"Then what?"

"We questioned him regarding your favorite television program 'The Simpsons.'"

"And?"

"And nothing, sir."

"He demonstrated none of your enthusiasm for the program."

"He had no reaction at all. So we knew it wasn't you."

With his friends around him, O'Neill considered this for a moment.

"'Excellent,'" he said in his best Burns.

Alternate Ending #1:

But….

….what if O'Neill is still in a virtual reality?

Alternate Ending #2:

Homer sat in front of the TV with his family and Walter.

"That was pretty good," he said as he clicked a button on a remote control.

"It was indeed." Walter waved a twisty piece of licorice. "But it does raise an important question."

"What's that, Dr. Bishop?"

"Only this, Lisa." Briefly, Walter chewed then swallowed. Finally, he spoke. "What if Colonel O'Neill is still in a virtual reality?"

The Simpsons all gasped.