Edited by: Silentcarto
Proofread by: Coandco
Disclaimer: I don't own The Dresden Files, that is Jim Butcher. This story takes place a few months after Dead Beat, when Harry is still new to being a Warden. It was entered into the 2020 Microfiction Contest for the Year of Dresden and won first prize. Please enjoy irresponsibly.
...
I awoke to a ringing phone. I didn't really want to get out of bed, but the harsh noise wouldn't stop until I did.
"Hello?" I mumbled, still half asleep.
"Warden Dresden," said a voice that I recognized as Rashid, the Gatekeeper. "I'm sorry if this call woke you up." Hearing his voice did more to wake me than the phone. This wasn't a social call, not at this hour and certainly not from this man.
"What do you need?"
"There is a rogue Chronomancer in your city. I've already sent a full dossier that should arrive at your office shortly."
My blood ran cold. The Sixth Law of magic forbade the use of chronomancy. It wasn't a commonly enforced law, because it was nearly impossible to use time magic. Or so I'd been told.
Whoever I was about to fight could be terrifyingly out of my league.
"Will I be getting any backup?"
"No," Rashid said, sounding faintly amused. "I trust that you alone will be sufficient."
Then he hung up. I scowled at the phone, demanding answers, but it stayed silent. I sighed and headed for the shower. It was cold, which was just this side of masochistic in February, but somehow I survived.
I ate breakfast, outfitted myself for trouble, and headed to my office. Just as Rashid had promised, a manila folder had been pushed under my door. I made myself coffee, opened the folder, and did a spit-take.
He couldn't be serious.
I slowly and carefully read everything in the folder, then read it again. The contents hadn't changed. I dialed my connection for the White Council, dug through multiple layers of security protocols, and finally had to invoke the magic words 'operational security' before the operator would let me speak with Rashid.
"Warden Dresden, I trust you're calling about your mission."
"This is a joke, right? A prank that you pull on new wardens?"
He chuckled lightly, which did not make his next words any more believable. "I assure you, Dresden, that it is real. Although not dangerous, this creature easily shatters the mortal illusion of normalcy, so I must ask you to apprehend it."
"Uh-huh. And if it's actually real why aren't you over here helping?"
"Because they are very aggravating to catch. Good luck." The line went dead as he hung up. Again.
I glared murderously at this phone too, but it wasn't any more responsive. "Okay, fine. I'll go on this snipe hunt." I started dialing the Pizza Spress number. I knew it by heart at this point. "Why not? Let's go find a magical groundhog."
…
It cost me several hours and a Noid's ransom in pizza, but the Little Folk scoured the entire city until they found it. The critter was in Bemis Woods, and while the pixies couldn't explain, they were certain that this groundhog was the one.
Either they were in on the joke, or the world was a whole lot weirder than I had ever believed.
Sunset was approaching and I was freezing my ass off by the time it came into view.
"That's it!" Toot-toot squeaked, pointing excitedly. It looked no different than any other groundhog, but I didn't care at this point. I'd ship it to Edinburgh and let the Council sort it out.
I gathered my power and with a whispered word unleashed a binding spell on the groundhog. It wasn't neat or impressive, just an unsubtle cocoon of hardened air, but against an animal that couldn't see it coming? It worked like a charm. Better than most of my charms, actually.
"That's that," I muttered. "I have no idea why Rashid thought this would be–
I awoke to a ringing phone.
I blinked in disbelief at first. I hadn't even felt a build up of magic energy from the groundhog. Something this complex and subtle should be impossible and that rodent had done it quicker than I could even realize. I breathed out a sigh of annoyance and got up to answer the phone.
"I already know," I told Rashid then hung up on him. Petty? Maybe, but it felt good after getting outsmarted by a rat.
Clearly a direct approach was out, but I had some ideas involving the Little Folk and a readied circle that should work.
I awoke to a ringing phone.
That had gone worse than I ever could have predicted. Rushing the circle didn't work, but it couldn't react if it was asleep…
I awoke to a ringing phone.
Rackin' frackin' varmint. Apparently it could smell sedatives, but I had a better idea anyway.
I awoke to a ringing phone.
The polka they played in Punxsutawney was not some sort of spell component and I made a mental note to never ask Michael where he'd gotten enough Lederhosen for all of us.
I awoke to a ringing phone.
Either the snare trap hadn't been set right or its ability acted like a death curse. Time for further testing on the latter.
I awoke to a ringing phone, smashed the damn thing to pieces, and went back to bed.
I awoke to a ringing phone.
Again.
For a minute I just lay there. 'Aggravating' didn't begin to cover it. There was a horrible, visceral sense of failure fighting this thing. You were sent back to the start, time and time again, never moving forward, never just done with the whole thing.
"Bob, this rodent is driving me insane." I'd already consulted him several times, but after fifty-something failures it didn't hurt to try again. I knew almost every move the groundhog made by now, but it didn't matter. It reacted with more speed than I could ever hope to counter and even killing it seemed to trigger its ability.
"That's probably a side-effect of your personal temporal field being so distorted," he helpfully explained. "It's managed to excise you from the normal flow of time and that's probably not doing good things to you. Your body is fresh, but your mind has gone over a week without actual rest."I groaned. From the headache I had, I believed him. "How does Rashid ever expect me to succeed against a time-bending groundhog? This can't be a one-warden task."
"C'mon, boss. It's not like it's impossible. You've just gotta think outside the box."
Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was just pure luck, but inspiration hit me. "No, Bob, I have to think inside the box! I've got it all figured out!"
…
Once my excitement began to wane I was much less confident in my idea. It involved a circular box, inscribed to act as a spell circle balanced on the edge of a small stick, tied to a long line of fishing wire held in my hand. A small pile of carrots rested beneath the box.
It was basically the obvious cartoon trap that people only fell for as a joke. The longer I sat there and waited the dumber my 'brilliant' idea seemed. The smell canceling potion seemed to work, but even that small bit of cleverness didn't change the fact that this was possibly my stupidest attempt y–
The groundhog poked his head above a turn in the trail and I fought the sudden urge to stiffen. I took a slow breath and relaxed. It approached cautiously, tempted by the prize beneath the box. It was wary of any danger, but had no more intelligence than your average groundhog. It approached closer and closer, and I subtly pulled the wire tense, ready to close the circle.
It was five feet away from the trap, then four, three, two…
I felt sweat beading on my brow despite the cold weather.
It took the bait, moving under the box. I activated the circle, sending my will coursing along the length of blood soaked wire. It had partially frozen or dried, but it still established enough of a link for my purposes. The inscribed circle closed with a snap even as the line ripped away the stick propping up the box. It slammed down, trapping the groundhog inside.
I waited for an agonizingly long moment, expecting to wake up to a ringing phone any second, but my symbols on the box glowed a cool, steady blue. I heard scratching from the inside and realized it was well and truly trapped.
I had done it.
I let out a whoop of joy and I'd be lying if I said there weren't a few tears shed. I was just so elated at finally, finally, beating this thing.
"Great job," Bob said. "What now?"
I paused in my celebration, puzzled. "What do you mean 'what now'?"
"I mean," he replied with some annoyance, "How are you going to move the box?"
I stared at him, and then the box, in mute horror.
…
I awoke to a ringing phone, but it was soon drowned out by my furious cussing.