Gone Rongo
Kim Possible and characters owned by Disney.
After reading two short Kigo parodies - King In Yellow's "In the Hands of a Hack" and Ffordesoon's "How Convenient!" - I thought I'd try a Ron/Shego one.
Ron was sneaking through Drakken's lair, when Shego flew out of nowhere and knocked him down.
"Shego!" he said brightly, once he got back on his feet and regained his faculties, "You look great!" She kicked him in the face.
"Save it for your girlfriend, sidekick." the villainess said with typical scorn.
"She's not my girlfriend!" replied Ron.
Naturally, Shego mocked him. "Aw, you don't appear on her radar? Not hunky enough?"
"No, she's a closeted lesbian who uses me as cover, or she's really a demanding, hugely jealous diva who treats me like dirt. It works out the same for me; The Ron-Man gets no love. She'll hate me for telling you. She'll probably beat me again." Ron hung his head.
Shego pouted, "Oh, how sad. I always thought you were too good for her. You need someone more..."
"Caring?"
"Er..."
"Supportive?"
"Um...experienced. Older. With darker hair and a taste for green and black, okay?" God, why did have to spell it out? Because she couldn't miss the chance to tell him.
"Really? Badical!" said Ron. He hadn't dared to hope. "I've loved you since I first saw your mugshot! Every time we meet my heart skips a beat, and not just because of the impending pain!"
Her cold heart melted for him. "Oh, Ron, the beatings and death traps were just work. I've loved you for years now. You've grown on me like one of these ill-judged experiments. Even though you're a spotty, foolish, irresponsible (but heroic) teenage boy and I'm an stylish evil mercenary college-grad supervillain, I thought we could fit together. I could see there was a man beyond the clown. Even during that dumb muscle-ring stuff."
"Awesome!" Ron exclaimed. "I kinda thought you wanted Kim, with the grappling and the flirting and the pet names and all." said Ron.
Shego waved dimissively, "Oh, puh-leeze. All that was just to annoy her. Though if you're just her beard, I see why it didn't work."
Ron's face lit up with an idea. "Do you know what would really annoy her? If we were happily married and had several kids!"
She put her hands up. "Whoa, Let's not rush things into one chapter. In fact, let's avoid the kids. You're still a teenager and I'm still clinging to a shred of my in-character personality. We'd both need a lot more development to get there. I thought we'd need many more meetings before this stage."
Ron said "But we can still date, right? I mean, it's probably going to need a lot of hi-tech sneaking around behind Kim and Drakken's backs, and you'll develop mad techo-skills to outfox Wade, but we can do it."
"Why hide our love?" she replied. "We'll just let Drakken realise that without me, taking over the world is pointless, while Kim slides into weepy angst over losing you."
Ron scratched his chin in thought. "Well, she might find love with, say, Bonnie."
"Who? Well, good for them." Shego moved in close to Ron, and held his face in her hands. Her hands were warm through the gloves. "Can you keep your pants up until we get to my rooms?"
"Er, maybe."
"Good. You won't need them after that."
"Ah-boo-yah! Oh, there they go."
Another, even shorter (and possibly more hack-like) one may follow. Reviews much appreciated. Also, a better title.