Kagome sat on the edge of her bed in the room of her childhood. She had decided to come home for a week and she would be returning back to the feudal era soon within the last couple of months going back was becoming more and more of a chore knowing that when she went back things at her home there would not change. In a way coming back to the modern world was like a mini-vacation she came here to talk to her mom and get advice and overall unload the pent up hurt she felt. She found herself looking for the most tiniest of excuses to come back and get away from what had become of her drab life back in the village.
When she made the choice to stay a year ago it was for love things had been at a high point then she realized now. The promise of actually starting a relationship was exciting and it was a new adventure they thought that they were prepared for. She knew that the shadows of the past never really left instead those shadows crept closer and haunted them.
She had hoped that time was all he needed that eventually, he would be able to persevere and overcome what haunted him. Instead six months in when the honeymoon phase ended things had taken a turn. She kept going over the moment when things changed, nothing really stood out. It just happened there was no rhyme or reason that she could pinpoint.
With a sigh Kagome reflected over the good times they had even when they danced around the feelings they held for each other it had been difficult Kagome had always felt like the 'other woman ' and she supposed in some way she was. The relationship between Inuyasha and Kikyo never really had a close and they ended rather harshly if you asked Kagome betrayal is a harsh feeling that rubs one raw and the pain that they suffered from that betrayal and ultimately Kikyo died. The sting of the betrayal felt strong enough for her to try and take Inuyasha with her. That was until she had a change of heart and sealed him to a tree to sleep for who knows how long.
She looked at the clock on the desk in front of her and snorted at five o'clock. 'As if it matters anyway what time it will be. Anytime I return anymore it's always the same Inuyasha will already be three sheets to the wind.' Knowing she would have to go back once more to the home she shared with him and pick up the empty containers of the demon alcohol he favored and then have to help him get over to the bed was taxing nowadays. She started resenting him and that was why she had started spending more and more time away from him also it hurt her to know that when she was away he remained sober. He only drank when she was around and it hurt to know that she was the one that was apparently sending him to the bottle.
Kagome missed the happier times and she knew no matter what that if she could do it all over again she would not change one thing she did love Inuyasha but at times it was just too hard to be around him now. When he wasn't drunk he was withdrawn and listless. He put on a good show in the presence of a company that's when Kagome's heart ripped itself to pieces he was back to his old self as soon as he was alone again with her he became the shadow that she has come to know intimately. It was only when he was drunk that he would hold her close at night and caress her lovingly and whisper the sentiments that she desperately wished to hear when he was sober.
Kagome knew that he needed her more now than ever and she vowed to him at one point that no matter what she would be there for him, so Kagome remained as she slowly watched the life and light die in his eyes. Then it became harder for her to want to stay. She tried everything she could to help him out of is an agonizing self-destructive state of mind, nothing worked. It was one night when the bottle was done and he pulled her closer and whispered Kikyo's name that she knew she was losing the battle. His past still held a firm grip on his heart and she was becoming too tired to keep fighting it as well. That is when she started to leave and come home to her family in modern times.
Kagome knew that she should leave that this was eventually going to end up destroying them both. She also knew that it didn't matter because there was no way Kagome could ever leave him to his own devices but at the same time that was exactly what she was doing in the end wasn't it. When It became too much for her mentally, and emotionally she left and came here to the modern era. This was just as much her escape from him as he used the alcohol to escape from her.
With a wry smile, Kagome got up and decided that things could not keep going this way, that something had to change when she got back this time she was going to sit down and talk to each other. It had gone too far and for far too long. Standing up, Kagome steeled herself picked up her things and made the short trip to the well after saying her farewell to her family. She left the house quickly after her mother hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear. 'Be strong baby girl we must always face challenges and this will be no different.'
Arriving back in the feudal era there it was eerily silent in the field where bone eaters well resided and the hair on Kagome's arms stood as a wave of oppressive demonic energy washed over her. Kagome looked around and spread her reiki out around her to try and detect any yokai that might be around. She found none, not particularly like the idea of hanging out here in the open as easy prey Kagome started to jog to the village.
*****Meanwhile.*******
An old lady walks through the small village in Edo she has made through the town and stopped at a few houses along the way. She asks one question every time she stops. She watched a man clad in a red walk into the house and she can smell the despair surrounding them. He stumbles a little as he walks into the house in his arms a few containers of sake. A smile spreads on her wrinkled face as she starts to make her way to the hut that he just entered. As she approached the man clad in red came out the door and stared at her. 'A hanyo' she noted.
"Might you have any amazake?" The elderly woman asked.
Inuyasha continued to stare at the old woman in front of him asking him if he had any sake. He eyed her suspiciously for a moment. Something nagged at him to not answer the woman in front of him but he pushed it away. He knew what she was and what she was really asking him.
"Yeah, I got some why'd ask?" He watched as she rubbed her throat.
"Would a young lad such as yourself mind sharing a cup with an old woman?"
Inuyasha stared her down once more and then shrugged his shoulders and turned and went and got a cup for the woman then poured himself some of the demon's sake that he just got. Walking outside he felt a wave of oppressive demonic energy pass. He scanned the area but couldn't find anything that even hinted to the energy he had just felt. He threw both cups of sake back and went back to the house scratching his arm.
Kagome walked to the entrance of the hut and the familiar smell of demon sake wafting to her but this time there was a metallic smell mixed with it and the smell of infection. Worry and fear seared through Kagome like a hot iron she rushed inside and the sight that she saw horrified her.
"INUYASHA!" Kagome screamed as she ran to his side to try and look him over. He stood there in nothing but his hakama scratching his back with one hand and then other on his chest scratching. Small welts breaking out over his skin it was and he was breeding from scratching profusely.
"Inuyasha what happened? Stop scratching you are hurting yourself!" Kagome stood there horrified as the skin started to heal then the welts had returned only this time when he scratched they would burst and puss flowed out of them. She ran to the back of the hut to grab her fist aid supplies and came back pulling out a bottle of salve that would help the itching.
"It's okay Kagome. I'll be fine." He gave a sad smile and continued to scratch.
"Inuyasha! I NEED you to stop itching! Put your hands in this and rub it on your skin wherever it itches! Once you are finished put your hands in the air."
Inuyasha growled but stuck his hands in the oatmeal and aloe vera mix and started to apply it to his body in a rush and then held hands and arms in the air. Kagome quickly gathered the bandages that she grabbed on the way back to him and started to wrap them around him and tie them off.
When Kagome was finished he met her eyes as she looked him over-worried and biting on her bottom lip.
"You won't be able to help me this time Kagome. Honestly, I don't want to be helped. This is how it should have been anyway. I want to say I am sorry for everything. I know it will never be enough and I wish things could have been different. I want you to know that I really do love you.."
The cooling effects of the salve provided him some relief but as soon as the itching died down when he felt his blood heat within his body then he felt nothing but cold. The world started to spin as soon as Kagome had tied off the last of the bandages. His body's temperature continued to fluctuate and the world started to grow faint as his vision tunneled. He reached out as he started to go down and in front of him, he saw Kikyo before everything went black.
Kagome started to panic about what was happening. She had never seen Inuyasha in such a state it looked like chickenpox but worse so so so much worse she dragged his comatose frame to the futon and ran out of the house to the river with a bucket in hand. She needed to get his fever down.
Making it back to the hut she saw Inuyasha hadn't moved a muscle from her first aid kit she grabbed some Calamine lotion and dotted some on the welts that started to appear on his face. Kagome started to get some rags and dipped them in the cold water placing them under his armpits and one across his forehead. So far she had done what she could to alleviate some of his discomforts. It looked like he had Chickenpox but at the same time, it was so vastly different from what she had seen in her time. She had all her vaccinations so she wasn't too worried if it was chicken pox but for him to be this bad how long had he had it? Why wasn't his demonic blood able to fight it off?
Four days had passed and nothing much had changed. Inuyasha was not able to keep anything down. He looked so frail laying there on the futon he was continuously in and out of consciousness. Eventually, the fever broke and his body chilled and he never woke up again. Kagome had stayed dutifully by his side trying to nurse him back to health. She was at a loss, his skin now far too pale to be healthy, his face looked hollow with the way his cheeks and eyes were sunk in. Kagome tried to keep a brave front but in all honesty, she was falling apart and she wasn't sure what she could do to help anymore. Sango and Miroku would come and help out with taking care of Inuyasha which allowed Kagome a break here and there. With the breaks she took, she walked to the god tree each time and fell to her knees and cried.
This time when they came it was different. They took one look at the friends they loved, one that no longer would be around and another that was a hollow shell of what she used to be. The sight broke their hearts and they saw the young woman kneeling over her first love with tears streaming down her face.
Sango gently pulled her away from Inuyasha and walked her out of the hut leaving Miroku behind. Kagome walked listlessly to the god tree and turned to Sango and in a broken voice told her she would like to be alone. Sango was hesitant to leave but told Kagome she would remain close.
Once alone Kagome fell to the ground with her hands over her face and she cried because she couldn't help him anymore, she cried because when he was having his fever-induced hallucinations he called her Kikyo and told her that he would be joining her soon and to wait for him. She cried because when it came down to it she was losing him and she believed he was right he might be joining the true love of his life soon.
Sesshomaru walked through Inuyasha's forest he had was going to visit his ward and check in on his brothers Miko although he would never admit to it he was concerned about her gradually over the last six moon cycles he watched from afar as slowly the two grew apart and his brother turned to demon sake while the Miko he supposedly loved he pushed farther and farther away. She was a beautiful being, she was always full of energy and smiles. The slowly the fire started to die in her eyes and they turned to a deep added blue, head shoulders started to drop as if she was carrying the world on them.
The hanyo was slowly sucking the life out of her and smashing everything that made her special. If Inuyasha wanted to take himself down a lonely desolate road of self-destruction the least he could do was to release the pure and beautiful soul that he was ultimately dragging along with him Kagome didn't deserve to be brought down with him. Sesshomaru knew that grief was hard to manage but he had a support system and chose to ignore them. Each time he came to visit the village it became harder and harder for him to leave and not take Kagome with him.
When he did come he made it a point to pull her away and they would go sit in a quiet meadow of wildflowers and they would talk about whatever came to mind. Sesshomaru enjoyed those times with Kagome that was when he really got to see her return to some semblance of her old self. Sometimes they would talk for hours, sometimes they would just sit in silence and she would scoot close to him and rest her head on his shoulder and stroke his mokomoko. She wouldn't ask for anything but knew she was seeking the comfort that came from touch. He was more than willing to provide it for in those moments he would see her eyes light up and her shoulders released the tension. The dejected air surrounding her would ease and change to one of happy contentment.
As he continued walking his thoughts came to a halt as he heard helpless sobs and the muttering of the woman that he was just thinking of. He could smell the despair rolling off of her and then smell the tears she had cried. Clenching his hands into a fist he pivoted on his heel and walked to the desolate woman who sat with her back against the god tree.
As Sesshomaru got closer to the distressed Miko he had become fond of he pushed his aura out to her to soothe her own aura that whipped around her like a wildfire. As her aura resided he came to a crouch in front of her reaching out and hooked a finger under her chin so that he could look into her beautiful blue eyes.
"Kagome what distresses you so?" He brought his thumb up to whip the tears away as he kept her chin up.
Kagome gave him the most heartbreaking look as she got to her knees and launched herself into his arms wrapped her arms around him tightly. He was happy that he had thought to remove the spiked guard from his armor before he came or she would have certainly hurt herself with that stunt. He was used to her getting close to him and seeking out a physical touch but this reaction caught him off guard gently he wrapped one arm behind her and the other he brought to the back of her head to stroke her onyx locks.
"Kagome, what has happened?" He whispered to her while resting his chin atop her head.
"Sesshomaru, I don't know what happened. When I came back from home four days ago he was sick..." she paused and Sesshomaru waited patiently and continued to stroke her hair offering whatever reassurance he could to her. "I didn't want to come back, things have been so hard lately does that make me a terrible person? I have never seen someone with demon blood get sick. He had welts and was scratching constantly. He was in and out of consciousness with a fever. I didn't know how to help him anymore Sesshomaru... and now he is gone" Her thoughts all over the place as she talked to him. When her voice broke at the end, Sesshomaru's heart clenched as he tightened his grip on her and pulled her into his lap.
After listening to what she said he found himself in deep thought over what she had said happened to his brother. It was very rare for those with demon blood to get sick but it did happen however when she mentioned the welts and scratching that raised warning bells for him. He was well aware of Inuyasha's habit of drinking his troubles away from the times he had sat and talked with Kagome. He also knew that it was on the cusp of winter and even though it was still early some of the Amazake babā would be waking from their hibernation and being hunting typically they preyed on humans going to them and asking. "Might you have any amazake?" when spreading their pestilence across the lands leaving the hanyo and other demons alone.
Amazake babā were often left alone; some humans referred to them as goddesses. Shrine was dedicated to them to help keep away the plagues that they rained upon the lands. Sesshomaru closed his eyes and rolled them if only the humans knew that
Amazake babā are merely youkai. Youkai that helped balance the human population by spending disease and feeding off of those infected. It was not often that one set its sights on a hanyo however they were opportunistic and would feed off of anything if given the chance. If a Amazake babā decided to feed off of a Hanyo or a demon that meant that the one they chose had already decided to give up on the life they were living and felt that they had nothing more to live for. Amazake babā were known as mercy killers in the demon society they were sought out by those that no longer had the will or had lost their mate and decided it was time to join them in the afterlife.
Sesshomaru looked down at the dejected woman that was now in his lap and wrapped in his arms and mokomoko. 'This does not bode well.' Inwardly he cursed his brother for what he was doing to this woman who loved with all she had and put all others before herself. Sesshomaru was unsure how she would react when told this information and tenseiga would only work if a soul chose to come back. He lifted his eyes to the sky and did something he had never done. He prayed to the Kami's for the strength on behalf of the woman curled into him now. The woman that he had come to care for. Kagome sniffled as her reiki stopped roaring around her under Sesshomaru's Jaki as he enveloped her and pushed a feeling calm toward her. He nuzzled her cheek while rubbing his hand in soothing circles on her back and whispered to her.
"Kagome I am here. I will always be here for you. When you feel overwhelmed and can't handle it anymore just look to me. I will be your strength when you feel like you can't be strong anymore. I will be there to catch you when you feel like you are going to fall. I will hold you when you are lost or feel cold or alone. You will always be enough for me."
He held her to him the remainder of the evening he told her what he knew of the Amazake babā and he told her that in the end, it had been Inuyasha's choice. She cried into his shoulder and held him tighter when the tears stopped and she settled, he thought she was sleeping when she pulled back from him. Her blue eyes held a raging storm in them when she looked at him. Kagome placed a hand to his cheek with a sad but determined look.
"Sesshomaru, promise you will never leave me alone. I know you will never be Inuyasha and for that I am grateful. I loved him but he had broken me. I will never regret the past but I will not let it keep me from moving forward. I am a survivor above all."
Sesshomaru looked into the resolution in the deep blue sapphires he felt pride and relief rise in his chest. She was a survivor, a warrior, and she had seen more darkness in her short life than most. He would restore the light that had dimmed in her; he would make sure she was well and took care of resolute in his own decisions; he gave her a wry smile and kissed her forehead before he gave his answer.
"I vow it Kagome I will be by your side forevermore."
Note: Kintsugi, or gold splicing, is a physical manifestation of resilience. This practice—also known as kintsukuroi which literally means gold mending—emphasizes the beauty and utility of breaks and imperfections.
She Traveled with Sesshomaru idly it was as if they had nowhere in particular to be; they wandered the lands together occasionally staying in a village from time to time that was in desperate need of a Miko. She would set up shop in one of the huts available and help heal the villagers of ailments and help with teaching some of the women and children some basic herbs and remedies during the days. In the evening she would walk to clear her head in that time she would think of the past and her travels with her friends back when her heart was filled with love for all the wrong reasons. In her time of reflection while walking the woods surrounding the villages she stayed at she would pray to the Kami's asking them to help the villages continue to prosper when she would inevitably leave them. Sometimes she would stay for a moon cycle some times less but each and every village she and Sesshomaru would visit, she would leave it better than when they arrived.
Sesshomaru would sometimes leave in her village, he would leave her no more than for a week. She never knew where he went and she never asked. It was an unspoken agreement between them neither would ask for more than the other was willing to give. When he did come back the evenings she spent in reflection walking on her own he would join her and they would walk in quiet. The silence between them was always companionable.
He stood vigil as she pulled the pieces of her heart and soul back together with every village she helped heal from their losses. When she mourned the loss of Inuyasha finally after some time he waited for the storm to pass he was there at night to hold her close and he was a shoulder for her to lean on and cry when necessary. He watched as she became the woman he used to know more and more instead of the husk she had become when she was still taking the emotional abuse that she put herself through to try and make his brother happy in the past. He remembered his vow he made to her back when he found her broken under the god tree.
'I am here. I will always be here for you. When you feel overwhelmed and can't handle it anymore just look to me. I will be your strength when you feel like you can't be strong anymore. I will be there to catch you when you feel like you are going to fall. I will hold you when you are lost or feel cold or alone. Kagome, I will be by your side forevermore.'
He would watch her have high moments where it felt like nothing in the world would be able to get her down. She would be smiling brightly and laughing with the village girls that she had gotten to know during the stay at the village. Then he would hold her close through her low moments she couldn't find it in her to even move from the spots that she laid herself on the ground and cried with emotions that she couldn't quite understand. He could always tell when she was reaching her breaking point even when she held a brave face and kept her happy appearance in the villages. Every Time they left she would spend a day or two wrapped in his arms and he would offer what strength to her he could. It was satisfying that he could see her at her best and her worst. He was there to help her heal and learn her value.
He had always known she was special and he hated that she allowed herself to be broken at the hands of his half-brother. Sesshomaru did not blame Inuyasha for not being able to move on from his last love. Finding a lasting love was nearly impossible and once you did find it, it was even more impossible to let it go. Kagome never had a chance but the two of them had tried, he would give them that. He had been traveling with her now for six moon cycles and as he watched her and held her close Sesshomaru found that her beauty was vast. To him she was like kintsugi. Each broken piece of her she had molded back together she shined like gold; being able to watch her pull herself back together was rewarding on its own.
Kagome sat in the middle of the clearing that they were staying at for the night. The sky was clear and the moon was waning, reminding her of the daiyoukai that she had been traveling with and spending so much time with over the last six months. He had been there as he promised and she smiled to herself thinking about him now.
As if her thoughts brought him to her she felt his presence coming upon her, his aura wrapping her in the protective embrace that his arms usually did. "Are you okay, Kagome?" Came his smooth baritone.
Turning her head she looked over her shoulder back at him as he walked slowly to her. "I'm okay, Sesshomaru." as she said the words to him she felt a sense of calm wash over her. It had taken a while but she realized she really was fine. While being with him during this time she had not sacrificed her wants or needs instead he had given her space and time she needed to find herself again. She thought of the words he had said to her back when they started traveling together.
'I am here. I will always be here for you. When you feel overwhelmed and can't handle it anymore just look to me. I will be your strength when you feel like you can't be strong anymore. I will be there to catch you when you feel like you are going to fall. I will hold you when you are lost or feel cold or alone. Kagome, I will be by your side.'
She watched as Sesshomaru quietly sat beside her. She leaned into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. Sesshomaru wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "You know I had always thought he was the one for me." She started and turned her head up to him. "I know now that I was wrong. I think part of me always did know that it was wrong but I wanted so bad for it to work. Part of me still loves him and I cannot bring myself to hate him for what he did."
Sesshomaru's breath catches, they have not talked about the circumstances that lead him to travel and remaining by her side since he found her by the god tree. "I know now, though that what I felt for him is nothing compared to what I feel now for you," she whispered to him.
He released the breath he was holding and looked down meeting those cerulean eyes. He was in shock. She always was able to surprise him. It didn't matter if she was pointing an arrow at him or simply looking at him like she was currently with blue eyes soft and lovingly. It was as if time had stopped as he watched her in slow motion as she leaned into him with a soft smile on her face. Her hand came up and rested on his cheek as she pulled him closer as her eyes slowly closing, soon he felt her lips meet his. They were soft and tentative then morphed to demanding and needy. His hand came to the back of her head angeling her to deepen the kiss as she moved to her knees smoothly straddling him. He let her lead, never wanting to take more than she wanted to give. Her hands came smooth down his sides searching blindly for the ties of his armor.
Gently he broke the deepening kiss touching his forehead to hers and looking into her eyes. "Are you sure?" He asked hating how needy he sounded at that moment.
She panted her hands stilling in their quest as she looked into the metallic eyes that felt like they were searching her soul. At this moment she had never been more sure in her life. She had been with him for six months and in that time he had grounded her. He was a steady presence that only gave never taking. He had given her time to heal, grief, learn to trust again and to learn to love again. He had never asked her to sacrifice her happiness, her friends, or family as she had in the past. Kagome gave him a shy smile. "I have never been more sure of anything in my life Sesshomaru."
As soon as the words came from her mouth he released her to pull the ties on his armor and tossing it to the side. His lips crashing on hers as his hands leisurely traversed her body as if memorizing every curve on her. Kagome on the other hand was slightly more frantic pulling at his obi and quickly sliding her hands in the opening of his jurban and pushing it off his shoulders. Under the night sky, he looked ethereal and timeless.
As they lay under the night sky in the clearing they were camping in for the night soft moans of passion joined crickets song with each thrust of his hips he gave her more of himself while only taking what she offered and she gave as much as she got it was a balanced give and take. It was how it should have been all along. He kissed down her jaw and the column of her neck pausing as he gently sucked on her throbbing pulse. He hesitated and pulled back, kissing her gently once more. "Kagome?" He whispered huskily looking into those blue eyes that he could become lost in if given the chance.
She looked back into hesitant amber eyes bringing her hands up to either side of his face she kissed him once more as she gently bucked her hips. "Yes, Sesshomaru. I want this if you want it too." It took no more assurance than that he kissed her fiercely and continued with slow thrust, raising them higher and higher when both felt like they could hold on no more. He kissed the juncture of her neck once more and gently sucked on her pulse before he bit. They both cascaded from the stars back to the ground into sweet oblivion both feeling just a little more complete and as if they had found a missing part of their souls that they had been searching for.
As dawn crested the sky the morning sun showed a halo on her raven hair. He kissed her cheeks, forehead, and lips gently waking her from her slumber. "Kagome, I think it's time we go home." He whispered to her as she slowly came to. Blue eyes looked to him in question. "I am home with you Sesshomaru." She whispered back.
He smiled at his mates response. "As am I. However, I was referring to the Western lands"
Kagome smiled back. "Let's go home then I think we have traveled enough as it is."