Chapter 4: Pregnancy Discussions

I see Hazelle, my mother-in-law, as soon as I round back of her family's homestead. Lifting my hand in a friendly wave, I saunter over to her and give her a big hug.

"Morning, Mama." Hazelle insisted on me calling her "Mama," once I married into the family. She also insisted on letting her take care of Gale's and my laundry. It feels different now to be handing off my husband's and my dirty clothes to her, now that the district washerwoman is family by marriage. But I pass her the burlap sack. Gale and I could easily do our own laundry in the fancy Capitol washer and dryer in our mansion – the kind of technology that Victors like me deserve. It isn't even a matter of finances that Hazelle also insists on doing her children's laundry free-of-charge, an arrangement I had balked at initially, until Gale chided me to stop being a stubborn ass.

"Saw my boy off to work, then?" Hazelle pokes through the bundle I've presented her with.

I nod, smiling. "With his lunch pail and a kiss."

My mother-in-law lifts her head to beam at me. "I'm so thrilled you and Gale Toasted the bread. I always liked the match; you and he suit each other fine. Now, only thing left is to wait for a little Katniss or Gale to run around." She smiles and winks at me.

I laugh weakly at this. It's not the first time my mother-in-law has brought up her hope of seeing her first grandchildren. I don't have the heart to tell her that she may have to wait until Vick and Posy are of age and married before she sees that. "All things in their own time, Mama," I sidestep, keeping it vague. She nods in agreement, letting the matter drop – for now – and I am glad for it. "Gotta go hunting. Say hello to Posy for me! Bye, Mama!"

"Bye, my daughter!" Hazelle calls after me, causing me to smile in fondness, though my grin quickly weakens.

I soon grow used to shagging with Gale. He makes sex fun and makes me feel good, though I was right on our wedding night when I surmised I would always be comparing him to Peeta. Gale is definitely rougher in bed than the father of my child was, and my husband also seems to be of the mind that the first purpose of sex is for procreation. As the months pass into winter and the Victory Tour rolls through Twelve, and as Gale and I settle into married life as husband and wife, I can feel the man I married growing more frustrated whenever I make him pull out before he can orgasm deep inside me.

On chilly, February morning, Gale cums hard on my belly and rolls off of me with a huff. His indifference to finishing up after ravishing me leaves me irascible and bothered.

"OK, that's it," I swing my creamy, naked legs off of the bed we share as I hurriedly shrug my shirt back of my head to clothe the pebbling nipples of my breasts. "What's got you in a snit?"

"Don't you want to have kids with me?" Gale demands. I cast a glance at him over my shoulder, watching him tug on his work pants to prepare to leave for the mines.

"Gale…" I sigh sadly, knowing it would be worse to lie to him. "You know I don't want kids."

"With me," Gale rounds on me, eyes flashing with hurt and…. perhaps jealousy. "You don't want kids with me. Oh, but it was fine and dandy to waddle around, big and beautiful, when it was a Townie's kid growing inside of you!"

My jaw clenches hard. "Don't," I spit through gritted teeth. "Don't you dare bring Peeta into this!" I can feel the tears – born of a potent combination of grief and anger and protectiveness. "Peeta was a very important part of my life, and I lost him, Snowdamnit. It wasn't fair. When I found out I was carrying Caccia, I was terrified, but I realized she was my one chance to keep some of him, so I went through with it. I don't regret her for anything."

"Well, then, why don't you want to have that again, and in wedlock this time?" Gale's voice rises in volume.

"I will not be made the enemy here! You know why we can't have children!" I put my foot down. "There's this little thing called the Reaping. Remember that? Posy – your sister - is gonna be in the bowls this coming summer! And…. and in another several years, I'll have to watch them possibly take my baby away!" The tears are streaming down my face now. "Snow likes to throw in the children and even grandchildren of Victors, to spice up the ratings! It was a miracle Prim ran through the gauntlet unscathed! You think the Capitol won't try and conscript my daughter too? Any child of ours, Gale, would be risking the same fate, just because of who their mother is!"

From the way the gears are turning in his head, I know Gale understands my logic, but he is loathe to admit it. Face in a hard line, he mumbles, "I need to get ready for work."

"Fine. And I need to go wake up my 'Townie kid,'" I fling right back at him. I'm satisfied when I see my husband flinch, as I turn on my heel and flounce down the hall to Focaccia's room. My little girl is rubbing at her bleary eyes and frowning. She'll have to be at the district school soon.

"Mama? Why are you and Gale so loud?"

It seems weird that she's not quite six and already having to deal with a stepfather. But I set clear boundaries with Gale, and he knows his role. Focaccia and I make a point to talk about Peeta – "Daddy" – often. Caccia knows who he is, I've shown her pictures.

"Mommy and Gale just had a fight, precious," I pick her up and cuddle her against me. "We'll make up. We always do."

Padding down into the kitchen, I silently help Gale prepare our breakfast, which he wolfs down in between making silly faces at my daughter, though they're forced. I pack my husband's lunch, and see him off at the door.

"Wait!" I don't want him to leave still angry with me and stew over our spat until he comes home this evening. So, looping my arms about his neck, I mash my lips to his in a deep, long kiss. Gale kisses me back, though he still eyes me sadly as we break apart.

"I love you," I smile weakly.

He nods. "I know." Shouldering his knapsack, he strides out of the Village.

I try and ignore the pain in my heart as I set about readying Focaccia for school. We hustle out of the Village to the sight of Haymitch tending to his geese in his backyard, and Focaccia waves to him.

"Bye, Grandpa Haymitch!"

The old drunk smirks and waves.

Once I drop my daughter off at school with a kiss, I meander back through Town and to the edge of the Seam. I'll have to go hunting later to make trades in the Hob, but first, I sidle up to the front door of my sister and brother-in-law's house, knocking.

I'm surprised when Rory answers it, his face breaking into a beaming smile when he sees me. "Katniss! Come on in!"

"What are you doing here?" I shuck off my scarf and follow him into their simple foyer. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"My team's off-rotation for the day," Rory grins. "I'll be back down there tomorrow."

I smirk. "Wait till your brother hears about that…" I mutter dryly. At first, it felt weird that my sister and I both married into the same family, but we've made it work. It's pretty unique, also, even in a place like Twelve, where nearly everyone at least in the Seam is related to each other by a certain degree. I pick up on something my brother-in-law said. "Wait: team….?"

We enter the kitchen to Prim calling out with pride, "Rory's been promoted to head of his digging crew!"

I think of all the needed coin windfall my sister and her husband will rake in, the added income, and breathe in grateful relief, hugging my brother-in-law. "That's wonderful news!"

Rory steals a kiss from my sister and we watch her and Mother help set the butcher's broken arm. Mother tries hard not to hover, and hardly needs to guide Prim anymore in what to do.

"Don't touch the sling or your arm whenever possible. It's best to let breaks like these set on their own. If the bone fuses back wrong, it could make things harder," Prim advises. She prescribes a Capitol drug (a good portion of my Victors' pension has gone towards buying city medicines to fill my sister and mother's stock), along with some mint leaves to chew on, and sends Rooba on her way.

Soon as the front door closes, Prim turns to me, smiling and breathless. "Katty! Focaccia get to school OK?"

I nod. "Gale's at work." I take a seat at the kitchen table. Mother steals upstairs, muttering something about needing to wash her face before taking a nap. I find myself frowning when Rory sits beside his wife, stealing an arm about her. They both look deliriously happy, despite being poor as church mice (hopefully with Rory's new promotion, the poverty will ease). At the moment, there is a palpable excited tension in the air, and it fills me with a strange unease.

"OK, you two…. what's going on?"

Prim and Rory look at each other. "You tell her," Prim instructs her husband.

Rory starts to, then chickens out. "You tell her."

My sister takes a deep breath. "All right…. I'll tell her."

I'm utterly befuddled now. "Tell me what?"

Prim smiles weakly. "Are you ready to return the favor…. and be an aunt?"

My grey eyes bulge, and I feel my breath hitch around my gawping mouth, as Rory steals his arms about Prim's midsection, which seems hearty under her frock. "Primmy….?"

"We're pregnant! A boy – he's due in August. Hopefully, you and Haymitch will be back from the Capitol by then."

I can't seem to process what my sister is telling me. Prim? My Prim – a mommy? I see a flash of her in blonde pigtails at all of seven, clutching to me in the days and weeks after Daddy died. Tears prick at my eyes, and I shake my head.

"You can't be pregnant! You're too young!"

Rory frowns a little, throwing up his hands. "This again?!"

"Katty, I am not too young to be a mother. I'm going to be…."

"…. 19, I know!" I snap. "Mother and Daddy didn't have me until they were 25. They were nearly 30 when you showed up!"

"Oh, will you stop trying to compare us or yourself to Mom and Dad?" Prim growls, pushing her chair back hard. "We wanted to share our happy news with you, and Gale, once he gets off work. But I guess you're too hung up on the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore! The State help Focaccia when she starts dating…."

The sideswipe against my daughter makes me think of my argument with my husband this morning, and I bristle. "I don't need to smartass quips from you either," I mutter.

Prim takes pause as she weighs my words, now eyeing me sympathetically. "Did something happen, Katty?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. And anyway, I made peace before he left for work…" I mumble.

"Well, tough shit, we're talking about it!" Rory sits astride a chair backwards. At both his and my sister's probing stare, I finally spill:

"Gale and I argued about having children."

Prim cocks a blonde eyebrow. "And you said No," she guesses.

I nod glumly, wiping at my eyes. "He doesn't understand… I've never really wanted kids. The… the Reaping…."

"What about Focaccia?" Rory glances between his wife and his sister-in-law.

"That…. that was different," I splutter, flushing a little. "I only found out I was carrying her after I came home from the Quell. I felt like… for Peeta's sake, I had to go through with it."

Prim nods, almost too knowingly. "And you feel you want to spare Gale from having to watch any of your own little ones possibly get hauled up on the stage."

"Yeah!" I nod eagerly.

Prim and Rory glance to each other, having already developed that intimacy of being able to carry entire conversations with no words.

I still hear them whispering about me, though, back in their bedroom as I finish up my lunch before I'll have to head up and pick Focaccia up from school.

"I understand where Katniss is coming from…. but I do feel bad for your brother," Prim chitters, around a rustling sound that must be her and Rory pulling up the down comforter on their double bed. "Focaccia needs a sibling to play with…"

"She'll be a great big cousin to our boy," Rory murmurs.

"It's not the same."

"I know it's not the same, but your sister has been through more than we can ever imagine. Katty's always been practical. Logical. She must have her reasons, though I feel for Gale, too. And you, because I know you've had that dream about 'double first cousins' or whatever it's called, ever since Gale and Katniss Toasted the bread."

I can almost see Prim biting her lip. "Maybe… maybe if things were different." She seems to be speaking in code, almost.

"Yeah," Rory sighs. "Maybe."

I wash my lunch plate in the sink and slip out of my sister's house without saying goodbye, striding towards the district school to pick up my daughter, lost in my own thoughts and memories.