Chapter 6: Patronuses and Potions

Remus Lupin was stressed.

At least, that was what Lily could discern, from the sunken look in his eyes to the hollowness in his cheeks. The fifth years were barely four weeks into term, and already, she had heard that her Gryffindor classmate had needed to take a few days' absence.

"Apparently, his mother has taken a turn for the worse. Cancer," Lily whispered to her best friend, Mary MacDonald.

Mary followed Lily's emerald eyes, so that both of them observed Remus in the grasses ringing around the Black Lake. The boy, tall and lanky, was seated with his sharp nose stuck in a book, tuning out the merriment of his three mates around him. James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were acting like yahoos, as they did much of the time, but the antics were subdued enough to not elicit Prefect interference, especially not from Gryffindor's male Prefect seated right next to them.

Mary tssked, shaking her head. "His poor mum…."

Beside the two striking girls, Severus was silent. His tongue felt like it was under the Langlock spell. A part of him was sorely tempted to reveal to his….. friends (at the very least, he and Mary had come to an understanding where they accepted each other's company, maybe even somewhat enjoyed it) what he knew about Remus, but then he remembered his promise to Dumbledore. Severus couldn't very well go back on his word.

Biting her lip, Mary MacDonald suddenly rose and crossed over to the tree under which Remus was sitting. The other three Marauders briefly lulled in their game of dunking Peter along the shallow shore of the Black Lake to observe her approach.

"All right there, MacDonald?" Sirius called out with friendly exuberance.

Mary nodded to him absently, fanning out her skirts as she sat by Remus, lightly touching his arm.

"Are you all right?"

Remus gave a jerk, apparently startled out a doze, blinking. "Oh. Hullo, Mary."

Mary couldn't help it. She giggled. "Long night?"

Remus turned into himself, finding it hard to look at the pretty Irish girl. "You could say that…." he mumbled.

Shyly, Mary scooted closer; gently grasping his head, she maneuvered it down to her shoulder. Remus appeared immensely confused.

"What are you do….?"

"Ssssssh….. Rest, now. Rest," Mary commanded. "If you need to sleep, it isn't healthy to try it with your chin on your chest like a bird."

Drooping his skull against her shoulder, Remus had fallen back to sleep within moments. Mary seemed shocked that the man had actually taken to leaning against her so well, but she remained perfectly still. Lifting her eyes, they met those of James, who nodded to her almost gratefully, drifting closer.

"Thank you," he murmured softly.

Though Mary shared Lily's opinion that James Potter was an arrogant tosser, she still nodded back politely.

"I'll wake him before next class. We have Defense Against the Dark Arts together."

"Right. With the Slytherins," James nodded.

Watching the sight from afar, Lily stood and took Severus's hand with purpose. "Let's go." And she flounced over to the tree around the bank, dragging poor Severus with her. As they drew closer, Severus's eyes narrowed as he observed the other Marauders only steps away, afraid they might try and use him as a new bit of fun. Fortunately, none of them came near, though Black did send a sneer in his direction.

Remus slept for the rest of free period, and when Mary lightly shook him awake, he seemed embarrassed to be nearly on top of her, though his hands had gentlemanly remained by his side. He found himself hanging back while James, Sirius and Peter raced for the castle ahead, talking quietly to the striking Irish Gryffindor. A mere step behind them, Lily smiled softly before daring to drum her fingers along Severus's, hovering near her. She heard his breath hitch in an odd place before he acceptingly laced his fingers through hers.

Neither let go until they were outside the door to their classroom, and when Lily broke the connection first, there was a light pink to her cheeks.

Professor Zeldin was effusive as ever when presented with the mix of OWL-preparing Gryffindors and Slytherins. Still shuffled up next to Lily, Mary and Lupin, Severus noticed how some of his housemates – particularly Avery and Mulciber – were side-eyeing Remus and snickering.

"Welcome to today's lesson, fifth years!" Zeldin called out. "Now today, we will be learning how to cast one of the most critical Defensive spells that you will find on the OWL exam: the Patronus!"

To Severus's surprise, he heard James murmuring excitedly to his mates just behind him: "Bloody finally! We've been waiting for this!" Severus frowned hard: James Potter never got excited about schoolwork. Lily might call him paranoid, but his rivals' enthusiasm for actual work struck Severus as quite odd.

"Now," Zeldin continued. "The Patronus is technically classified as a Charm, but as its function is primarily defensive against Dementors, Professor Flitwick has allowed me to present it in this curriculum. Patronuses are also the most self-identifying spell in a wizard or witch's arsenal. A signature, one might call it. When cast correctly, your Patronus will take the form of an animal. Some indigenous people in North America still refer to it as one's 'spirit animal.' Your job is to trust in that animalistic personification of your happiness – usually derived from a pleasant memory. Your Patronus, spirit animal, or whatever you might wish to call it – it shall do all the work of protecting you from Dementors or particularly dangerous, emotionally depressive curses." He paused impressively, clapping his hands together. "All right, fifth years: pair off with the nearest person to you!"

Severus turned, pleased, to find Lily smiling gaily at him. Beside them, Mary and Remus paired off. Potter and Black were of course together, and Severus was actually quite satisfied to see that Peter Pettigrew had had no choice but to link arms with Mulciber. Catching Mulciber's gaze, Severus allowed himself a smirk: Let him have it.

"Lift your wand high, lasso it in a counter-clockwise motion and repeat the incantation after me: Expecto Patronum! When you do so, you must say the words in a confident, clear voice, and think of a happy memory – it can be anything."

Across from him, Lily was a live wire, nearly brimming with excitement. "It's like Peter Pan without the fairy dust!" she chittered to Severus.

"Peter who?" A few feet away from them, Peter Pettigrew turned his head in the friends' direction, hearing his name.

Professor Zeldin counted down and the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins began to recite 'Expecto Patronum!' en masse. For the most part, nothing happened. But then –

"Ooooooh!" Mary MacDonald gasped as, full lips agape, she watched a silvery stream of light emanate from Lily's wand. The silvery stream quickly morphed and took shape, until it stood before Severus: a statuesque doe, poised and regal. Startled at first, Severus slowly, softly smiled at it. This was Lily's Patronus, her…. spirit animal, was that what Zeldin had called it? And he found that, as Lily's doe pranced around him, he could not think of anything more perfect. If Lily was any animal, she would be a doe – gentle and loving.

Kitty-cornered across from him, Mary was smiling at the sight and softly singing: "Doe, a deer, a female deer…."

"No time for a sing-along, Miss MacDonald!" Zeldin called, nudging past her to get a better look at the first Patronus successfully cast. All the same, Remus actually let out a little chuckle at Mary's singing, causing her to smile at him weakly. "See here, everyone! Miss Evans has done it!"

Severus beamed at his best friend with pride as most of the Gryffindors applauded, and he joined in.

"Now, Miss Evans, who is your partner?" Still beaming, Lily pointed to Severus. "Ah, Mr. Snape! Let's see if you can match it! Counter clock-wise motion above your head, Expecto Patronum."

Taking a deep breath, Severus did as Zeldin asked. As he did so, he found himself thinking of a happy memory that was still very much in the present: Lily, smiling at him like he was the light of the world. A warm and pleasing heat filled him up and he released the spell. "Expecto Patronum!"

At first, nothing happened, causing James and Sirius to burst into laughter.

"Hey, Snivellus, what are you hoping for: a horned toad?" Sirius cackled like a hyena – which, Severus had to admit, would be the perfect Patronus for the likes of him.

Gritting his teeth, Severus was just about to perform the incantation again when a silvery stream of light emanated from his wand. Everyone gasped, and even James and Sirius were snapped into silence.

Then the Patronus took shape. Zeldin's eyes went wide, adjusting his spectacles in delighted wonder.

A huge tiger, none like Severus had ever seen, stood before Lily and her doe. The tiger had stripes on its back, but only near its rear, which was capped off by a curly tail. Its snout was slimmer and more protruding than any Severus had seen on a normal tiger at the Muggle zoo near Spinner's End.

"Oooh…. a Tasmanian Tiger, thought to be extinct!" Zeldin gushed. "A fine Patronus, Mr. Snape, well done!"

"But Professor!" Sirius whined, looking a little put out. "I thought Tasmanian tigers were extinct!"

"They are, Mr. Black," Zeldin affirmed. "But a Patronus can take the form of any animal – even ones that are extinct. I once knew a witch whose Patronus took the form of a Dodo bird." Chuckles reverberated through the room – except for James, who Severus saw turn to Sirius and mutter darkly, "Why did Snivellus get the cool animal?"

As Zeldin moved on, Lily clutched Severus's arms, eyes shining. "I'm so proud of you, Sev!" Severus had never been more tempted to kiss her, and it took all his willpower to refrain, for Zeldin was now observing Peter and Mulciber.

"All right, Mr. Pettigrew, your turn!"

To Severus's immense pleasure, it took Peter a full two tries before his Patronus took form, and once its shape solidified, everyone began to laugh: a skinny rat was running and squeaking at Mulciber's feet – who, to Severus's intrigued surprise, tried to run away from the little rodent in apparently genuine terror. Off to one side, James Potter's face had creased into a contemplative frown.

When it was James' and Sirius's turn, Severus was incensed to see that both his arch-enemies were able to cast their Patronuses effortlessly: Sirius's became a rather large dog, which yapped at its master, causing Sirius to look even more disappointed than Peter had been. But James's reared back on hind legs, the large stag swishing its antlers. James turned to Lily smugly.

"A stag for your doe, Evans – didn't I tell you? We're meant to be!"

Lily just rolled her eyes. "Sod off, Potter." Severus's lips upturned into a relieved smirk.

Professor Zeldin was now approaching Remus and Mary. "Mr. Lupin, if you please."

Remus looked terrified to cast his Patronus, and Severus had a feeling he knew why. But before the awkward, bookish Prefect could, the bell rang.

"We'll pick up with Mr. Lupin and Miss MacDonald day after tomorrow, fifth years – dismissed!"

James told Sirius and Peter to not go out onto the grounds for free period the next day. Instead, the trio of Marauders slipped off, observing as Remus fell into step beside Lily Evans, Mary MacDonald and Severus Snape. October was heralding a crisp fall to come, and with it, soon the announcement of the four Triwizard champions.

"Should we be worried about Moony hanging about Snivellus?" Sirius asked with concern, as the trio slipped away to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, squished under the Inivisibility Cloak, just in case.

"Snivellus won't do anything – he doesn't have the balls. Besides, MacDonald's all right," James conceded. He was curious about how Remus had ingratiated himself to the headstrong Irish girl, and made a note to ask his best mate later what that was about.

Pulling back the floorboard, James and Sirius gingerly lifted the bubbling cauldron of the Animagus potion out of its hiding place. James added two more ingredients with care, watching the brew change color. Sirius consulted one text to make sure the hue matched up.

"So far, so good. I just hope the ingredients you nicked from your dad kept well."

"They should have," James assured. After this, there was only one ingredient left to add, and it couldn't be deposited for another several days, according to the instructions. Should all go well, the potion would be ready the night before Halloween. Not a moment too soon – the nearest full moon would be that following weekend, in the first few days of November.

The three Marauders sat around the pot, observing the brew bubble. "So, Zeldin's Patronus lecture was pretty revealing," James floated.

At this, Peter's shoulders slumped. "A rat. A stinking rat! That's what I'd transform into?"

"So the Theory says," Sirius rumbled, lifting Your Patronus, Animagus Form, and You: A Thesis by Sylvia Richardson and passing it to James, who leafed through it. "No worse than mine – I'll turn into a bloody puppy!"

"That dog you cast was large, though," James murmured, turning a page.

"What's your point? That size matters?" Sirius groused. Next second, he and Peter shared a snicker.

"Yes, actually," James slapped the tome firmly down into his lap. "If I'm right, the dog you'd become is actually a Scottish Deerhound, which is not much smaller than a Doberman, one of the largest dogs out there. Between you, and my stag…. We'd be able to check an out-of-control Moony." Sirius's eyes widened in understanding.

"But what about me?" Peter whined. "What good could I do?"

James' eyes gleamed. "Simple. Once we take our Animagus forms, Sirius and I won't be able to reach the Willow's knot…. but you can."

Peter immediately brightened. "I can?"

"Oh, be more modest, why don't you? – you're a rat, for Pete's sake!" Sirius grumbled.

"Sure. You dodge the branches, freeze the tree, and we'll be able to guide Moony down into the Shrieking Shack. That's important, Peter – you're important. Don't you let anyone tell you different."

Peter beamed at James adoringly.

"Hang on!" Sirius suddenly remembered something. "I remember hearing something about how Patronuses can change over a person's lifetime."

"How would that happen?" Peter wondered.

"You know, say the caster is mourning the loss of a loved one – some have said that the caster's Patronus could shift to take the form of the Patronus of the deceased loved one," Sirius explained. "In an event like that, if the Patronus-Animagus theory is right…. does that mean our Animagus forms would shift as well?"

"Sylvia Richardson has answered that too," James pointed to one paragraph along the open page. "Once you take the Animagus potion, your Patronus at the time of consumption should match your Animagus form….. and your Animagus form will remain permanent, even if the form of your Patronus does not."

Sirius nodded. "OK. We've got one more full moon to get through, and then the last ingredient to add around Halloween. October 30th, really. And once it's done….?"

"We take the potion – that night," James concluded.

The night of October 30th, the four Marauders unearthed their potion and James slowly added the last ingredient. Sirius consulted the text, and nodded in approval.

"It's ready." From his pockets, Peter pulled out three glass vials, and James poured a healthy amount of the Animagus potions into all of them. Leaning against the bathroom stall, Remus looked leery.

"Now, fellas, are you sure about this? You don't have to do this…."

"We're doing it," James cut across him firmly. "If it'll help you, Remus, we'll do whatever we have to. End of discussion."

"But what if the transformation goes wrong?"

"It won't. Sirius has checked and re-checked the recipe. And we haven't been working on it for three years just to fuck it up."

"James…."

"Remus!" James spun to his dear friend sharply. "One for all, and all for one. Remember? If the potion doesn't work, the book says we'll probably die or be deformed before we die a pitiful death later. And if that happens, at least we can say we lived and had a right laugh."

Remus's eyes filled with tears. James Potter was really the best bloody mate he had ever had. He didn't deserve him – any of them. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." James turned back to Peter and Sirius. "Ready?"

"Ready," Sirius nodded grimly as the three looped arms, forming a kind of circle so one person's potion was under another's nose. They clinked vials. "Cheers."

"Bottom's up!" Peter crowed, and tilting their heads back, all three drained their glasses.

For the next two or three minutes, nothing happened. James turned to Remus. "Moony, whatever happens, you have to promise you won't run to the teachers or get Madame Pomfrey. You have to promise –"

He was cut off by the sound of glass shattering, as Peter dropped his vial and doubled over, gagging and wheezing and spluttering. Sirius quickly followed, then James himself collapsed.

Remus watched in horror as his best mates crawled around the floor of Moaning Myrtle's bathroom like crabs, groaning and holding their stomachs.

Remus tried to bend down and help James up, support him against something, but James waved him off. Tears were sliding down the handsome youth's face.

"Ohhhhhh….. bloody sodding hell, what was in that potion?!"

"You brewed most of it, prat!" Sirius roared, before letting out a truly terrible moan himself, sounding like he was on death's door.

Terrified, Remus dashed over to the potions book detailing Animagus potion and flipped through the pages frantically. Something had gone wrong, it had to have. With shaking hands, Remus dropped the text and fled the bathroom, leaving his friends to likely die.

He didn't go far, however, and he didn't go to the teachers, since James had asked him not to, as much as he was now tempted. Maybe he could run and get Mary and Lily in Gryffindor Tower. Both of them were fellow Prefects; they might know how to help, and they could be trusted.

After close to an hour, the faint sounds of moaning coming from Moaning Myrtle's bathroom fell silent. Cautiously, Remus crept back into the abandoned loo.

The remains of the Potion were still bubbling, but his three mates were nowhere to be seen. Remus went stall to stall, peering into the blackness and whispering their names:

"James? Sirius? Peter?"

His blood ran cold when he saw a lump in one stall near the back corner. The crumpled form shifted, and then let out a sound that seemed like a moan, but not quite. It almost seemed closer to a bray….

Then the lump slowly rose so that Hogwarts robes fell away. Remus staggered back, eyes huge as a giant stag rose up on its hind legs, tearing much of the stall apart. The stag bucked and reared, eyes wild and terrified.

Scared witless himself, Remus nonetheless tried to placate the frightened beast. He wasn't sure which of his three friends this was – Peter, perhaps; he always spooked the easiest.

"Whoa, whoa! Easy, boy, easy!" Remus got a hold of his mane and held the stag in place, so he could a good look into its eyes.

Its eyes….. though the orbs were black as coal, there were dark rims underneath the stag's pupils – a strange marking, indeed, almost as if the male deer had been wearing…. glasses….

"James?"

The stag seemed to calm just enough, and then nuzzled Remus's face. Next moment, Remus felt something furry brush his leg. A Scottish Deerhound was wiggling at his feet, and the dog's lips actually upturned into a smile. Recalling their lesson in Patronuses a few weeks ago, Remus actually let out a disbelieving laugh. There was only one person whom this dog could be.

"Hello, Sirius."

Then, something squeaked nearly in his ear; turning his head, Remus nearly screamed when he beheld the rat perched on his shoulder. Sirius softly nipped at Remus's ankle, almost as if to say, Don't drop Peter, git!

Remus was now full-bore chortling, hardly daring to believe it. The rat perched on him squeaked indignantly, not amused.

"You crazy, wonderful sons-of-bitches. You nutters! You did it!" Remus was grinning from ear-to-ear, tears slipping down his cheeks.

For the first time since he had bitten as a boy, he now found himself actually looking forward to the full moon.