Chapter 30: Revelations

Severus cringed as a poorly aimed curse whizzed past his ear and a trashcan somewhere to his left exploded loudly. He whirled around to face his would-be attacker and was surprised to see Lucius Malfoy shrugging in an awkward parody of an apology before turning his attention to Frank Longbottom, apparently his intended target-

A scream- probably from a muggle- sounded somewhere behind them, and Severus allowed himself to contemplate, just for a moment, the total mayhem that had erupted on the normal looking London square- it seemed that every single member of the Order had shown up, and more Death Eaters were apperating at every instant, although the Dark Lord himself was thus far nowhere to be seen-

And all this over a man who, as far as Severus could determine, wasn't even present. Feeling Lucius's gaze land on him once more, he directed his attention toward Emmeline Vance-

But before he was able to utter a curse Sirius Black had apperated directly in front of him, unnoticed by anyone else amid the chaos. Recognition briefly lit Black's face as he gazed at Severus before he lifted his wand, murder clear in his eyes, and Snape raised his own, accepting the fact that one or both of them was about to die-

But to his surprise Black merely growled, "Where is he, Snivellus?"

"I'm sure I don't know who-" Severus began slowly before being cut off by Sirius snarling,

"Pettigrew," as though the name was a curse.

"Ah," Severus sniffed, affecting an air of bored indifference before gesturing vaguely to the left, and without another word Black stormed in the direction he had indicated, wand raised dangerously.

Despite himself Severus craned his neck in an attempt to see what Black intended to do, rewarded as Pettigrew's eyes widened in fear before he seemed, through a great force of effort, to burst into tears, sobbing loudly enough that Severus could clearly hear him over the crowd,

"Sirius, how could you- James and Harry- your own godson Harry- poor Lily-"

"What's this about Lily?" a female voice sounded suddenly, harshly, from somewhere to the left, and Severus's head snapped back in disbelief as Lily herself began to slowly, with deliberateness that he could hardly fathom, walk toward the two men. As she pushed her way through the crowd Severus was stunned as not only the members of the Order, but also the Death Eaters themselves seemed to rapidly lose interest in the battle as the scene began to unfold before them-

"L-Lily!" Peter sputtered, face pale, as Lily squared her shoulders, stopping less than ten feet away from him, and Sirius reluctantly stepped backwards as though to acknowledge that this was her battle to fight. "H-how wonderful to see you-"

"Is it, Peter?" she demanded, voice colder than ice, and Peter's eyes widened in fear as she raised her wand. Before anything further could be said or done he had dropped to his knees, simpering in terror,

"Please Lily- don't kill me- you know I loved James- loved Harry like he was my own nephew- he, he made me do it-"

"Somehow I have a hard time believing that a two year old made you do anything," Lily snapped with cruel sarcasm before enquiring, voice deceptively mild, "Or were you referring to someone else?"

"You- you know who I mean," Peter choked out, looking around frantically as though for someone who might protect him even as Lily looked down at him in disgust, hissing,

"Oh get up, you coward."

"Please-please don't hurt me," Peter begged, sobbing in earnest now as he struggled to continue. "You- you don't know how it was- he was going to kill me- James would show mercy, he was going to kill me-"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU," Sirius bellowed, suddenly stepping forward again, wand pointed toward Peter's head as he continued angrily, " As JAMES would have done for you-"

"I told you to GET UP and defend yourself," Lily snapped, voice dangerously low before she bit out, " I will NOT tell you again."

With difficulty Peter dragged himself to his feet, arm shaking as he weakly aimed his wand in Lily's direction, but her own arm was steady as she hissed, "You disgust me. I want you to explain to me why you did this and why-"

"Lily I was scared," he blurted frantically, tears sliding down his cheeks. "I was-"

"Sectumsempra!" Llily hissed cruelly as several people gasped in surprise and Severus wondered how she had even managed to learn that curse, for the first time fully understanding why Albus had been so determined to stop her from coming here- that he hadn't prevented her because of what might happen to her, but because of what she might do-

But before the curse was even out of her mouth Peter seemed to have vanished-

And within seconds had reappeared as Sirius roared a Homorphus Charm and Dumbledore bellowed "ENOUGH!" stepping forward and with one silent and definitive motion of his wand causing Peter to be bound and blindfolded as Minerva McGonagall muttered an anti-disapperation jinx as everyone else seemed dumbfounded by the whole situation before Peter moaned,

"Why are you doing this to me? Why not blame the man who told the Dark Lord it was Harry to begin with? It was Severus Snape who told him to kill Harry! It was Severus Snape who told him to come find me-"

"Stop it!" Lily screamed desperately, her enitre body shaking as Severus felt as though someone had forcibly ripped out his lungs and stuffed them into his throat. Dumbledore began to utter a silencing charm, but it was clearly too late as Peter continued, evidently really too stupid to know when he had gone far enough,

"It was him who told The Dark Lord the Prophesy. It's his fault that James is dead! It's his fault that Harry-"

And suddenly Lily had raised her wand again and was screaming in a shaky, nearly hystarical voice, "Avada-"

But no one could ever be sure whether she had finished the curse as Albus, Minerva, and Sirius simultaneously bellowed "Protego Horribilis!" and Pettigrew seemed to faint dead away, but most definitely continue breathing. Dumbledore slowly turned to face Lily, regarding her with unspeakable disappointment even as she continued to tremble-

"What do you think you are doing?" he inquired in anguish. "You not only come here against my express wishes, but you proceed to attempt to perform two of the darkest spells ever known to the Wizarding world? What are you thinking of, Lillian? Do you think this is how James would expect you to-"

"James is dead, he killed him, it wasn't Voldemort, Peter killed him, he killed him, he killed Harry, and now he's lying about Severus, why is he lying about Severus?" Lily cried out brokenly, wildly, tears streaming down her cheeks-

And then suddenly The Dark Lord's voice sounded from somewhere behind them as he snarled bitingly, "And is this what my most loyal supporters do when I send them here with orders to capture Albus Dumbledore? Stand there looking at him as though it's a night out to the theatre?"

And remarkably Lily had ceased her sobbing and was stepping forward to face him, shoulders squared as she snarled, "You will only take him over my dead body."

"I have lost patience with you, girl," Voldemort said in an almost bored voice before his eyes flashed toward her and he whispered darkly, "You will NOT live to defy me again-" and before Severus could even realize what was happening Lily was fighting Bellatrix, Albus was fighting the Dark Lord himself, and everyone else seemed to be returning to their original state of total disarray-

Lily tried to refocus herself as Bellatrix blew her a kiss before unexpectedly disapperating- which, Lily knew, was the closest the woman would ever come to admitting defeat in a battle-

As she looked around Lily was surprised to see that the majority of the actual fighting that had been raging ten minutes before had ceased, and she reluctantly joined the semi-circle that were intently focused on Albus and Lord Voldemort as they mercilessly attacked one another. To Lily's relief Albus seemed to be slowly gaining the advantage, sending a blaze of pink light toward the younger man-

And then, out of the corner of her eye Lily saw Severus, standing slightly away from the group, looking uncertain, though why exactly that might be she couldn't tell… and as she stared at him everything that she had tried to forget while dueling Bellatrix remerged in a flash- Peter's words, her own actions-

And then she saw Severus chance a glance in her direction, eyes briefly conveying guilt that he couldn't conceal, and she suddenly felt as though she had been punched in the gut as despite herself she lost interest in what Albus was doing, unable to do anything but walk with a heavy heart toward Severus.

To her chagrin he tired to pretend not to see her coming, but she determinedly stopped directly in front of him, legs shaking more than she would have liked even as she lifted her chin, forcing him to meet her eyes.

"Was it true?" she asked, trying to keep her voice emotionless and hating that it was shaking, knowing there could be no doubt in his mind as to what she was talking about, and as she saw agony flash across his face before he could disguise it she felt as though her legs were collapsing from under her, and managed only with an extreme force of will to remain upright.

"Yes," he replied after an endless moment, casting his eyes down, and for long seconds, Lily couldn't think- couldn't even breathe as she wished she had something, anything to grab onto-

She continued to stare at him for a long, long moment, not quite able to believe that he wouldn't have some further explanation- wouldn't try to offer it- but as he continued to avert his gaze, the only sign of emotion his fists clenched tightly at his sides as her knees continued to tremble she felt sudden, sharp loathing, an almost unbearable desire to curse him-

But even as she reached for her wand she knew that, despite herself, she would be unable to, and so with a supreme force of will she squared her shoulders and forced herself to walk away from him, glad for her sudden inability to feel anything at all, hardly registering Voldemort dropping to his knees before hissing, "It is not over," before disapperating. With his departure the remaining Death Eaters looked at one another uncertainly before quickly beginning to disapperate as well, Severus among them, and Lily felt dizzy with the anti-climactic nature of it all as members of the Order and Ministry seemed to remember Peter and rushed over to collect his body, nodding to Sirius as they did so, clearly having grasped the situation, his innocence-

And as Alice Longbottom began to approach her Lily suddenly knew that she couldn't take anymore and she too quickly disapperated.

Albus knocked hesitantly on Lily's door in the Castle hours later, somewhat surprised when she actually answered, uttering a weak,

"Who is it?"

"Albus," he replied gently. "May I come in?"

The door swung quickly open, and just as quickly shut again once he had entered the room. A single lamp was lit, casting the solitary figure on the bed in shadows- shadows that couldn't hide the fact that her face was tearstained, her eyes bloodshot, that she had probably spent hours crying-

"I wanted to personally inform you that Peter Pettigrew is being held at Azkaban pending trail for his- for his misdeeds," he said heavily, taking a few tentative steps closer to her before adding, "Sirius is in the castle now- I don't believe he'll bother you tonight, but he is eager to talk to you-"

To his surprise she seemed to scoff slightly before she fired back, "I imagine he does. Where was he right after- right after Voldemort attacked us? How could he have been so stupid as to have not contacted me- my god, Albus, do you realize that the whole reason he probably went on the run was some bizarre and misguided longing for adventure-"

"I don't think it was as simple as that, Lily," the older man replied somberly. "But there's something else we must discuss-"

"I don't want to talk about Severus," she interrupted firmly, but a sole tear trickled down her cheek, belying her words even as she amended halfheartedly, "Unless he's in Azkaban too- that I wouldn't mind hearing."

"Wouldn't you, Lily?" he asked softly and with perception that would have amazed her if she'd been capable of thinking about it before she said dully,

"What does it matter? I've told you I don't want to discuss Severus-"

"I'm afraid, Lily, that we must discuss Severus, " he said heavily. "I can only imagine what you must be thinking about what Peter said-"

She arched an eyebrow before saying in a slightly exasperated voice, "But somehow I think you're about to tell me exactly what you believe I've been thinking, Albus," before crossing her arms in front of her and shooting him a look that might almost have been a glare if she didn't also look so inconsolable-

"To the contrary, Lily," he replied slowly. "I fear I'm about to do something far more offensive- tell you what I think you SHOULD be thinking."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes but making no attempt to stop him as he came to sit next to her on the bed, making sure that he had her attention before saying seriously, "The situation is in fact far more complex than Peter conveyed- indeed, far more complex than he could dream. Though it is true that Severus delivered the prophesy that led Voldemort to your family, you must believe that when he did so he had no idea who it was about, nor of how it would affect-"

"Yeah, I know that this will probably surprise you, but I figured that out already," she interrupted him abruptly, almost sarcastically, but he knew that the sarcasm was only a misguided attempt to mask her pain as she continued, "I am pretty intelligent, you know, and I've had four or five hours to think it over. Obviously he was just following orders and they went wrong. I understand that- it wasn't personal. And I- I even believe that, if he had realized it involved me, he wouldn't have done it, though I'm not as sure about that."

"Be sure about that, Lily," Albus interjected mildly, but with great conviction, and a single tear trailed down her cheek as she continued,

"So what if I am? I've been thinking about it and thinking about it, and no matter how I try to think about it two things are always true, and not even you can talk your way out of them. He DID give Voldemort the prophecy and that IS why my family is dead. Can you tell me that's not true?"

Albus shook hi head, just once, and she nodded bleakly, another tear escaping from her as she shook her head before continuing, "Even assuming- even KNOWING that he had no idea the prophecy was about me- Albus, he knew it was about someone. He knew that a child would die. I don't see how it really matters whether the child was mine or someone else's. I mean, of course it matters very much to me," she amended with a self-deprecating grimace, "But it would have mattered just as much to any other mother. Maybe even more to some. He knew what he was doing. In some ways the fact that he only cared when he knew it was about me is worse-"

"Worse?" questioned Albus keenly. "It never occurred to me, Lillian, that the confirmation of the fact that Severus is capable of deeply caring for someone might make his character seem worse- though it may be worse for you, since it puts you in a difficult position, just as it used to when he was calling your friends mudbloods but not you," Albus observed intensely, eyes sharp as she let out a strangled cry before biting out,

"He DID call me that name, Albus. And it did NOT put me in a difficult position when…"

"But it did, Lillian," he said, sounding almost sad, "and you are wrong if you think I don't understand that. It must have almost been a relief to you when he finally called you mudblood too."

"No," she protested weakly, unconvincingly, and he looked at her gravely before saying,

"Lillian, you are the most talented witch of your generation and one of the most intelligent people who I have ever met, but you still have much to learn about shades of gray-"

"Don't shades of gray me when my child is dead," she near bellowed and he held up his hands in something resembling surrender before saying,

"I would think that after contemplating your own actions today you would have a better grasp of the delicate line between anger and darkness- between sorrow and evil-"

"And so I should feel sorry for Severus in his struggle?" she bit out sarcastically. "He didn't come to warn me once he realized the prophecy was about Harry. He didn't-"

"He came to warn ME," Albus interrupted, voice steely as her mouth snapped shut and her eyes widened slightly before he continued, "Did you think I had some prophetic dream that told me you needed to go into hiding? Severus told me. He joined the order in exchange for my help. He BEGGED Voldemort for your very life, which is the only reason you are still sitting here-"

"He- he," she sputtered disbelievingly before letting out a near wail, throwing herself onto the pillows almost like a petulant child before moaning, "He should have let me die-"

"Should have he, Lily?" he asked in the same maddeningly perceptive way that he had earlier and she took a deep breath, forcing herself to sit up before she said slowly,

"I am- I will try to be- appreciative. I- I do realize, somewhere, that he did all that he could. But- I can never fully forgive him Albus. Like I said earlier, he knew the prophecy was about someone's son. He understood-"

"Indeed Lily, I am not at all sure that he understood what would happen," Dumbledore cut her off quietly. "I think Severus was really much more innocent when he joined Voldemort than you realize-"

"No, I realize," she said after a long, long moment, face suddenly distant, and he wondered what she was remembering before she said slowly, with an unsuccessful attempt at sarcasm, "Was that all? Because I'm not nearly done with my crying for the night-"

"No, Lily, it was not all," he said slowly, almost reluctantly, and her face went somber at his tone as she bit her lip nervously, nodding at him to continue. "Surely it did not escape you that this afternoon Voldemort made a very definite threat on your life-"

"What else is new?" she snapped, voice far stronger and he looked downward, seeming almost embarrassed before saying softly,

"This was a very specific threat Lily, and will have very specific consequences unless immediate action is taken-"

"I'm not afraid," she insisted, meeting his eyes, and he was briefly astounded by the quiet and resolute courage he saw there- in that moment she looked more like the girl she'd been on her wedding day than he had ever hoped to see her again- and at the thought he sighed deeply, regretfully, before continuing,

"Well, I'm not ashamed to admit, Lily, that I am very afraid. The Order cannot afford to lose you, and if I know Tom Riddle at all he will want to make good on his promise to end your life as soon as possible. It's imperative that you have more protection than even I can currently offer you-"

Her eyes filled with tears and her jaw shook slightly as she whispered, "Albus, I don't want to go back into hiding-"

"I am not suggesting that you go back into hiding, Lily," he said matter of factly, pausing before he continued quickly, "I have though over the options extensively since this afternoon, and I am suggesting- most strongly- that you marry Severus."