Chapter 31: Banana Cream Pies

Lily gaped at Albus in something resembling horror before her face cleared and the room filled with uneasy laughter.

"Don't do that to me, Albus," she reprimanded sharply, "I actually thought you were…"

But as her eyes met his her laughter halted abruptly, face going stricken. "You- you are serious," she gasped after a painful moment, and Albus braced himself for an outburst that didn't come as she regarded him intently, and he could see the conflicting thoughts rushing across her face even as she continued her unnatural silence.

"I have given it extensive thought; I see no other way," he said after a suitably long pause, voice apologetic, even sorrowful, but allowing no room for argument. "Everything indicates that Voldemort believes Severus to be both his mist loyal and his most valuable supporter, second only, perhaps, to Bellatrix. With Severus's official, legally binding protection, there would be no chance of Tom Riddle doing any harm to your person, particularly not if you were to have children-"

At the word children Lily let out a strangled noise before tilting her head to the side, enquiring flatly, "And if I would rather die?"

"Then I would ask you to consider what it might be possible to do for the Order, with access to Voldemort's innermost circle. I would ask you to think of the information you could obtain as a spy. I would ask you to contemplate what James would have wished-"

"James would NOT have wanted me to marry Severus!" Lily snapped angrily, eyes flashing sharply at the mention of her husband's name, and Dumbledore expelled a heavy breath before putting a firm hand on her shoulder.

"I think that you will find, upon further consideration, that James would not only have wanted you to marry Severus, but that he would have divorced you himself and forced you to marry Severus if he had truly believed it to be your best chance of survival. Petty past grudges would have meant nothing to him in the face of your life-"

"Petty past-" she began incredulously before shaking her head emphatically and standing up, throwing his hand off her shoulder and turning to face him. "Albus this is MADDNESS-"

"Is it, Lily?" he inquired sharply, rising as his eyes bored into hers. "I will admit it's not a plan without faults- in some ways it will make things twice as dangerous for you as they already are, several hundred times more dangerous for Severus- should either of you be found out the other will certainly die-"

"Stop TALKING about it now, I told you NO-" Lily snapped, unable to hide the agony in her voice, and Dumbledore looked down at her regretfully, frowning slightly before saying softly,

"I'll leave you now, Lillian. I implore you to carefully consider what I've said and what you feel you must do, given the circumstances."

She didn't answer him, but a solitary tear fell down her cheek as he walked from the room.

Lily swung open the door to her chambers at dawn the next morning, hair spilling around her shoulders in wild curls even as she nodded calmly to a surprised looking Albus, whose arm was raised as though he had been about to knock.

"I've been waiting for you," she said without preamble by way of an explanation, gesturing for him to step inside and feeling sudden, silent agony as the movement caused her wedding band to reflect the early morning light spilling in through the window.

"Have you slept at all, Lily?" he inquired, mild reproach in his voice, and she shot him a withering glance, silently questioning his sanity before hissing,

"No, Albus. I most certainly have NOT slept at all."

"I'll come back once you've had time to rest," he said shortly, turning to leave and stopped by her voice saying softly, but with firmness that rivaled his own,

"That's not necessary."

Without her consent her eyes darted towards her wedding band again, and though she had never been one to toy with it she suddenly found herself unable to do anything but twist it senselessly around her finger, feeling a sharp, desperate longing to see James's face- to wake up and find this had all been a nightmare and Harry was crying in the next room-

"Lily?" Albus's voice cut through her thoughts, more gentle than she had ever heard it and she dragged her eyes away from her hand and upward to meet his as she said, voice much stronger than she expected it would be,

"I agree to your plan. It- it's obvious that far more lives than just my own are at sake, and- and that James," she continued, voice breaking slightly on his name before she continued with quiet, reluctant certainly, "James would have told me to stop being so difficult and do what you said. I will be a spy. I will, in the IMPOSSIBLE event that he agrees to your plan, marry Severus-"

"He's already agreed to my 'plan'," Albus said shortly as her mouth snapped shut and her mouth formed a surprised 'o' even as he looked at her slightly critically, saying softly, "I fear you grossly underestimate how deeply Severus appreciated your kindness to him- how much he continues to-"

"Severus does not-" Lily began, voice angry but laced with uncertainty that she couldn't hide before being cut off by Albus.

"I think that in years to come you will be glad of your decision-"

"Oh spare me your prophetic gems of wisdom," she spat, voice much more certain as he held up his hands in something resembling surrender before saying mildly,

"Forgive me. I trust I may bring Severus here now? There is much we must discuss-"

"Whatever," Lily responded hollowly, bite suddenly gone from her voice as she shrugged vacantly. "Bring whoever you want here, it doesn't matter anymore-"

"How many times must I impress upon you, Lily, that it matters very much?" he fired back, more frustrated than she could ever remember seeing him as he gazed at her meaningfully for a long moment, though what exactly he hoped to impart she couldn't pinpoint. "Wait here. I will return at once."

Severus blinked as he entered Lily's chambers, translucent red curtains that framed the windows thrown back to allow the blinding early morning light to stream in almost as though it were mocking him- almost as though she were mocking him-

But as she turned from where she had been looking out the window, emerald eyes meeting his, he say no mockery there- only sadness, and somewhere underneath, crushing disappointment. He swallowed awkwardly, hating how uncertain he suddenly felt- he had come prepared to deal with her anger, but despite his best efforts he had never learned how to handle her sadness-

He forced his gaze away from the haunting eyes that seemed, at least for the moment, to have lost their trademark sparkle, making his heart constrict more painfully than if she had tried to curse him- than if she had tried to kill him-

And as he took in her appearance he found himself struggling to suppress something between a gasp and a moan at how simultaneously ravishing and destroyed she managed to look. Her hair was falling in loose crimson tendrils over her muggle sundress, tresses completely free and untamed for the first time that he could remember since they were children, sharply offset by her creamy skin, the glittering bright green eyes, the black of the dress that, despite how striking it made her appear, would never really suit her-

But before he could carry the thought to completion, further examining her recent refusal to wear any other color, she was talking a single step toward him and gesturing toward a comfortable looking couch, saying with an attempt at a smile that looked more like a grimace,

"Please sit," immaculate politeness in her voice, but no warmth.

He fought the urge to throw himself at her feet and beg her forgiveness, looking toward Albus so that he wouldn't be forced to continue to meet those eyes that seemed to look through him. Albus, too, however, simply gestured toward the couch and Severus reluctantly went toward it, able to tell even without sitting that it was far too plush for his liking-

But as her eyes caught his once more all thoughts of the couch vanished from his mind and he wished desperately that he had been able to sleep- able to think of any way to beg her to understand-

With a heavy and silent sigh, Severus sat.

Despite everything she had endured due to the man sitting in front of her during the past 24 hours Lily had to fight hard to suppress a small smile as Severus struggled without success to sit up straight as the plush cushions pulled him downward-

But the grin that had begun to light her eyes faded as she remembered sharply, painfully why they were there- and as she allowed herself to regard Severus more seriously, really looking at him for the first time since he had entered the room, she fought confusion she didn't bother to hide, head tilted slightly in an unspoken question that he either didn't see or resolutely ignored as he tossed throw pillows away form himself. Despite what were clearly his best efforts to appear stoic he looked almost as wrecked as she'd been feeling herself, though why exactly that might be she wasn't certain- his face was splotchy and his eyes were rimmed with dark circles that contrasted sharply with the paleness of his skin, For one crazy moment Lily found herself wondering whether he had slept, either- if it was possible that he, too, had been crying- and her brow furrowed with concern that she was unable to suppress before she remembered who she was contemplating- what he had done- and almost laughed at her own stupidity before saying in a falsely cheerful, bitingly sarcastic tone, "Well, Albus, it doesn't look like our favorite death eater is thrilled with your plan either-"

"We have no time for this," Albus frowned, and Lily's mouth snapped shut at the genuine anger in his voice before he continued, "You WILL be civil."

There was a pained pause during which the headmaster and Lily glared at one another before she turned to Severus with an exaggerated sigh, voice nonetheless sincere as she stated, "I apologize," not quite able to meet his eyes.

"You have no need to apologize to me," he responded after a beat, hands balling at his sides for reasons she couldn't understand, his voice gravely, and once again she had the uneasy feeling that he'd been crying, though she couldn't quite figure out why- Severus didn't cry- in all the years she had known him she had never seen him cry-

"We all know why we are here," Albus said briefly. "Lillian, Severus and I have discussed the mater in hand at length-"

"Have you?" she inquired sharply as she dragged her perplexed gaze from Severus's face to Albus's infuriatingly calm one, going silent as he shot her a pointed look. After a moment she sighed, directing her attention back to Severus and suddenly unable to suppress a slightly amused smirk at the ridiculousness of the situation, hating her perpetual inability to remain truly furious with anyone when they were sitting right in front of her- a character flaw of hers that Albus had doubtless counted on-

"I don't see how there's really so much to discuss," she pressed on as the silence extended and she rolled her eyes in a parody of boredom that she was far from feeling before melodramatically dropping to her knees, suddenly feeling like she and Severus were playing some bizarre game back at Spinner's end before it hit her coldly that there could be no happy ending here-

Nonetheless she continued with the charade, declaring melodramatically, almost breathlessly, some of the familiar twinkle returning to her eyes, "Marry me, Severus! I'm quite fabulous at summoning charms and can make a wonderful banana cream pie-"

"Enough!" Dumbledore thundered even as the barest hint of a smile tweaked at the outermost corners of Severus's mouth and he arched an eyebrow at her antics. Despite her better judgment Lily felt a sudden, strong camaraderie with him and ventured the merest sliver of a wink before directing her attention to Dumbledore, trying to look remorseful even as she struggled to prevent the corners of her own mouth from twitching into a smile . "Lillian, I am ASHAMED of you. Would it really be too much to ask of you that you be silent and allow Severus to explain the gravity of the situation?"

"Oh Albus," she retorted, voice suddenly tired as she shook her head, pulling herself to her feet as all traces of a smile faded from her face, "I may not know the particulars, but believe me when I say that I fully understand the gravity of the situation." She sighed, looking at Severus again, both disappointed and relieved to find that the momentary hint of a smile had vanished from his own face and he was looking stubbornly downward, having evidently given up his fight against her throw pillows. "I guess you had better explain, Severus," she said, sinking down on the opposite side of the couch and looking at him expectantly, slightly perturbed when he continued his silence, deliberately not meeting her eyes.

Severus felt his stomach churn slightly as Lily used his full name, registering in some distant, corner of his mind that it showed just how much she hadn't forgiven him- would probably never forgive him, even if she was able to joke about banana cream pies- and he felt his heart constrict before he began slowly, stubbornly avoiding her eyes in a desperate effort to avoid saying anything about his true feelings- anything he was bound to later regret once he had seen her reaction-

"I have told Albus that I am WILLING to marry you. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that I CAN."

Lily's brow furrowed as seven or eight equally unlikely possibilities raced through her head, beginning with Severus having a wife secretly locked in an attic somewhere and ending with his hypothetical, secret and tortured love for Bellatrix Lestrange- and she felt an inexplicable pang that she didn't have time to analyze shoot through her before she suddenly smirked, unable to think of another reason for his inability to marry her- his unwillingness, perhaps, but not his inability-

"Severus- I-" she said, trying hard not to choke on something that felt suspiciously like laughter as she attempted to say sincerely, "I DO understand if your feelings are otherwise engaged-"

And to her amazement it seemed that Severus Snape, the boy who she had never heard profess to have so much as a crush on anyone, was actually blushing before he met her eyes for the merest sliver of a second, longing that she didn't understand in them before he looked frantically away, sounding almost wretched as he sputtered, "No- I mean- I mean no-"

She gazed at his contemplatively, forcing herself to quench the teasing light in her eyes, to remember that they weren't friends who could tease one another about members of the opposite sex anymore and bringing her mind back to the task at hand. Resisting the urge to question his words and instead shaking her head in confusion she continued, "Then what-"

"The Dark Lord's followers are not permitted to marry where they like," Severus began ominously, suddenly sounding much more like the hardened man he had become, and with the shift in his tone Lily felt something shift inside her as well before he continued, looking pointedly downward, "I will need to ask his permission to marry you and with circumstances being- as they are," he practically spat, hating the possibility that she would think his anger and frustration were at her and not at the situation- that he could think of no way to assure her she was wrong- "chances of his giving that permission seem slim."

Lily blinked in real confusion, all but forgetting Albus's presence as she leaned slightly toward Severus, all but willing him to look at her, disappointed, though not surprised, when that failed to happen.

"He's going to be really angry," Lily mused aloud after a moment, biting her lip even as Severus emitted a brief,

"Obviously."

"And there's almost no chance that he'll agree."

"None," Severus deadpanned, the slightest hint of irritation in his voice as her brow furrowed slightly and she twirled a strand of hair distractedly around her finger.

"And you're still willing to ask."

"Evidently," he snapped, though she knew, somehow, that the irritation was not at her, not really, as she tilted her head slightly, demanding keenly,

"Why?"

And if it had been anyone else in the world Lily would have sworn that he was blushing again as he continued to gaze downward, apparently resolved not to even acknowledge that she had spoken.

As though from nowhere, however, the only logical answer to the whole mess occurred to her and she rapidly pushed herself off the couch, tripping gracelessly over her own two feet as she said softly, the bitterness in her tone unable to mask the sorrow underneath,

"Are you really feeling that guilty that my son is dead? Because if so let me just say-"

"That will do," Albus said mildly, but his tone as usual brooked no room for argument as he moved in front of the unlikely couple. "May I assume that you grasp the situation, Lily?"

She dragged her gaze from Severus, who was still looking maddeningly away from her, before nodding resentfully. "Yes."

"I have already discussed with Severus what he must do. His success depends largely on Voldemort's whims and is best not dwelt on now. Your own task, unfortunately, is somewhat harder, as your friends, and the whole of the Order, must believe that you have utterly taken leave of your senses, fallen in love with Severus, and joined Voldemort's ranks-"

"I would never-" Lily began in something resembling outrage, stunned as Albus snapped harshly,

"Of COURSE you would never! And this is why, Lillian, you are going to have to quickly and convincingly build the biggest deception of your life-

"Impossible," Lily began in something resembling distress, cut off by Albus's keen,

"You may have a better head start than you believe, Lily. You and Severus do sit by one another at meals. You HAVE visited his classroom. You DID attempt to cast the killing curse on Peter just after he had insulted Severus-"

"That was NOT about," Lily began to hiss just as a loud banging sounded on the door, causing her to jump slightly before Sirius Black's voice resounded loudly,

"Lily Evans Potter! Let a fellow in!"

Despite herself Lily felt something akin to panic as Dumbledore hissed meaningfully, "EVERYONE must be convinced, Lily," and she took three slightly shaky steps forward to open the door-

And found herself lifted off the floor and nearly squeezed to death by a somewhat overly enthused Sirius, who murmured warmly, "God, Lily, SO good to see you," before grasping her, if such a thing was possible, even tighter.

"You too, Sirius, but you can stop squeezing me to death now," she said good naturedly after a moment, and smiled as he set her down with a rueful grin.

"Sorry," he apologized gruffly, "It's just-"

Lily flinched as he gazed over her shoulder and his eyes went hard before he demanded, a little louder than necessary, "What the hell is Dumbledore doing here with Snivellus?"

Lily swallowed hard, calling on all her Auror training in deception to try to make her smile seem genuine before she murmured, voice miraculously sounding much more confident than she felt,

"Sirius, I have to tell you something- and I hope you'll understand-" she said, voice faltering as she realized there was literally no chance of that before forcing herself to go on. "It's just- Severus has been such a good friend to me and- I realized that-"

"Friend?" Sirius asked blankly, mercifully sparing her the need to continue as he blinked very fast, looking between her, Severus, and Albus as though he feared one or all of them had been placed under an Impirius curse. "Lily, I know how upset you must have been- must STILL be- but you DO realize that Severus is a DEATH EATER? A BAD guy? Working WITH Voldemort? Delivering PROPHESIES to him? HOW can you call him a friend after-"

"I- I hope you'll understand, Sirius," Lily said, unable to meet his eyes and instead feigning an intense interest in smiling at Severus before she grabbed his hand, hoping his look of surprise wouldn't give them away before she blurted, "The truth is, Sirius, Sev and I are dating."