Chapter 33: Experience

"Snivellus," Sirius hissed darkly from where he stood sloughed against a wall waiting for Remus to emerge from the room where he was still deep in conversation with Lily. "I was wondering when you would slither on by."

Severus's eyes flashed as he regarded the slightly shorter man with disdain before hissing, "As opposed to stumbling drunkenly in the manner to which you've become accustomed?"

"I'm not drunk now," Sirius said menacingly, stepping out from the shadows and drawing his wand, venom in his gaze.

Severus snorted, drawing his own wand. "I suppose that for someone of your flawless character that term would be relative."

"Character?" Sirius repeated loudly. "You mean like seducing a helpless woman whose husband just died?"

Severus flinched but his own eyes narrowed as he bit out sarcastically, "Surely you haven't forgotten, Black, that Lily and I were in it together? Of course you never were intelligent-"

"You're a dead man!" Sirius screamed, and Severus bellowed

"Petrificus Totalus!" at the same moment that Lily's door swung open, revealing a surprised looking Remus and a rather angry looking Lily. It was Remus who took the situation in hand, however, undoing the curse on Sirius and somehow managing to direct Lily back into her chambers within five seconds before shooting a scornful look as Severus and saying, "Come on, Padfoot, it isn't worth the energy."

"That bastard deserves to die," Sirius bit out, but he lowered his wand as Severus did the same, and allowed himself to be led away from the other man by Remus.

Lily flinched as Severus pushed into her chambers, quickly shutting the door behind himself and stepping toward her.

"I'm sorry, did I say you could come in?" she inquired tartly before grimacing at the agony on his face. "Sorry," she offered, turning back toward the window and rolling her eyes. "It's just, between Sirius and Remus and… whatever that just was out there, I think I've had about my daily limit of whatever and-" She whipped back around before blurting, "And you kissed me," not caring that the statement didn't follow the previous train of thought.

The second the words left her mouth, however, she regretted them. Severus's face closed off and he turned a shade that could only be accurately described as purple before he hissed, "Surely you realize, Lily, that our very lives may depend on my kissing you-"

"In public?"

"What, as opposed to in private?" he fired back before fixing his gaze on the floor so intently that he seemed to be wishing it would engulf him.

"I-what?" she sputtered, looking scandalized before her face cleared and she offered a reluctant, "Point taken," mouth curving upward into what might have been a smirk under normal circumstances but now seemed more like a sigh. "Just- if you do it again, could I have some warning?"

"Forgive my oversight," he said, voice somehow smooth and yet managing to drip with sarcasm at the same time. "I was too busy trying to warn myself-"

Her eyes shot to his face but to her frustration she could read nothing there that might help her make sense of his comment. "Warn yourself?" she repeated blankly, but before the words had even left her mouth she knew that they were futile. He wouldn't be offering an explanation. Somehow, however, that seemed to make her even more intent upon scrutinizing his face as she blurted, "Where'd you learn to do that anyway?"

His gaze flickered upward for a fraction of a second in inquiry before he questioned dryly, "Warn myself?"

"Kiss," she retorted abruptly before feeling as though her face had grown several degrees hotter. However, to her relief, he didn't seem overly flummoxed by the question, replying instantly and tonelessly,

"Ah. From the usual sources." But, recalling one winter's night after the Yule Ball, what Severus really wanted to say was, You.

Despite herself Lily felt the corners of her lips curve upward at his uncanny sense of humor, and for just a moment she allowed herself to forget the gravity of the situation as she lifted her eyebrows cajolingly. "No fair! I told you all about my first kiss!"

"Lily, we were eleven," he said doubtfully before his brow furrowed slightly. It had always bothered him that a Muggle boy of no consequence, and not he himself, had been Lily's first kiss…. When she had been his. "Besides, we weren't speaking of first kisses- we were speaking of experience."

Lily took a shallow breath as Severus's eyes met hers, and without knowing why, or even being able to identify precisely HOW, she knew that the energy in the room had shifted. Her teasing smile faded as she nodded. "I suppose we were," she murmured, voice far throatier that she meant it to be before his eyes lowered.

Once her eyes were no longer being confronted with his own she felt her teasing air returning, and she smirked as she bantered, "And have you had a lot of experience, Sev?"

His eyes snapped upward as the air in the room shifted again, but this time there was no mistaking the emotion in his eyes for anything but anger as he snapped harshly, "Would you like me to show you, Lily?"

Stunned by his sudden anger that she didn't understand she instinctually snapped back, "No, I'd LIKE you to go to hell, but we don't always get what we want."

"Then I suggest that from now on you keep your curiosity to yourself," he hissed darkly, turning as though to storm from the room before whirling back toward her, biting out, "Albus has suggested that I begin to spend my nights here. I'll return in an hour. I trust," he bit out scathingly, "That this will be long enough for someone of your innumerable talents to acclimate to the idea."

Lily flinched as the door slammed shut behind him, and without fully understanding why she felt tears begin to pour down her face.

"She toys with me, Albus," Severus snapped harshly, pacing the patch of floor in front of the older man's desk for what may have been the thousandth time before Dumbledore observed with infuriating calm,

"And has it not occurred to you; Severus, that even were that true it would be because you allow her to?"

"Allow-" Severus began incredulously before shaking his head, looking like he would strangle the older man were it within his power. "Even if it were true? Are you saying you don't think-"

"No, Severus, I don't think," Albus said heavily, shaking his head. "Lily has many faults, that majority of which you've always been too blind to see- a certain subtle arrogance, definite impulsivity, a lack of appreciation for the subtle- but malice? Not Lily Evans. Toying with you? I've seen no evidence that Lily has been other than completely honest with you, occasionally at extreme risk and detriment to herself. If she is, perhaps, carelessly cruel, it is partly due to all she doesn't know and partly due to the fact that, if I might remind you, her family was just killed. Frankly I am amazed that she gets up in the morning. Do you have any idea what percentage of people in her situation could succeed in doing what she's doing half as well as she's currently doing it?"

He allowed a pause before saying with resolute firmness, "I can't think of one. And so, my boy, I must insist that is it for YOU to be patient with HER, not the other way around. Do you honestly believe her curiosity about your kissing ability to have been a personal attack?" He didn't wait for an answer before shaking his head sadly and repeating, "Toying with you? No, Severus, she is not toying with you, though it's possible that you're toying with yourself-"

"And what do you mean by that?" Severus enquired sharply.

"You fully understand my meaning, though you may wish you didn't," Dumbledore said keenly before sighing. "Now, if that was all, I am rather urgently needed elsewhere. I suggest that in the coming days you try to focus your attention on the multitude of problems that actually exist. I assure you, we have no shortage."

"Sev?" a quiet voice questioned as he tried to step silently into her rooms, and he blinked in suprise as his eyes adjusted to the darkness just enough to see Lily sitting on the too-comfortable sofa, legs pulled up to her chest in exactly the same way she used to do when they were nine years old and making the leaves change colors. Moonlight flitted briefly across her too-pale face and he was suddenly and uncomfortably aware that she had been crying-

"Yes," he replied heavily.

"The bedroom is to your left;" she said softly. "I'll take the couch tonight."

"No," he replied at once, unable to fathom the thought. "These are your apartments. I insist upon having the couch."

"Sorry, it's done" she said firmly, but her voice was warm as she arranged the pillows around her, smiling hesitantly. "The couch is comfier anyway."

As she all but disappeared into the cushions around her he found himself biting back a smile of his own before quipping, "Of that I have no doubt."

"Be nice," she cajoled, but her voice had no bite in it as she yawned. "And make yourself at home." She flinched before amending, "Or, you know, something less totally cliché that I'm too tired to think of right now."

He looked at her for a long moment before heading to his left, stopping as her voice sounded again when he reached for the bedroom doorknob.

"I was teasing you, but I really wasn't making fun of you," she whispered, and he stood frozen for a long moment before saying softly,

"I know."

Severus wearily raised his head as he heard laughter coming from the next room. He briefly wondered what could be causing anyone to laugh in the middle of the night before realizing that, while it was undoubtedly very early, sunlight was peeping through the curtains.

"Is something funny?" he called groggily before Lily appeared in the doorway of the room, still giggling as she threw back the curtains.

"Definitely," she replied, eyes sparkling as she turned back to face him. "Two wizards, top of our class, and it didn't occur to either one of us that it might be a good idea to conjure a bed?"

The following week passed quickly in what could best be described as comfortable silence as first Remus and then Sirius departed, leaving Lily and Severus relatively alone in their charade. It was Lily who broke it, though, marching fearlessly into his potions classroom late one afternoon as he experimented. "I understand you're going tonight to ask Voldemort's permission to… you know," Lily blurted awkwardly as he looked up in surprise at her entrance, as well as her words.

"Yes," he answered curtly before turning away from her and pretending to busy himself with tidying his desk, not seeing her roll her eyes as he did so.

"Right," she responded briefly after a moment before continuing dryly. "Good of you to tell me."

"I wasn't aware that we were, persay, speaking;" he retorted just as wryly before she rolled her eyes and made a careless gesture.

"We weren't not speaking, Sev, there just wasn't anything to say."

He looked up sharply at her words, stunned by the simple truth in them and uncertain as to how to respond. After a moment she sighed, sounding almost disappointed, before near-muttering, "Well- right. Here you go then."

He stepped closer as she held out her hand, proffering a small vial.

"Felix Felicas?" he questioned in disbelief as he registered what it was. "But- this must have taken you-"

"Countless days and nights, yes," she deadpanned, shooting him a sliver of a smile. "I was pretty happy when I finally finished."

"You shouldn't waste this on-" he began definitely, holding it back out to her, and her brow furrowed slightly as she looked between the small vial and him carefully before saying softly, calmly,

"I won't deny it's not what I intended it for, but I am certain it's not a waste."

He opened his mouth as though there was something that he wanted to say, but nothing came out, and after a moment she sighed once more in seeming as she slipped from the room.

Severus felt as though all his senses were heightened as he walked into the small, dark chamber where Voldemort sat deeply engrossed in conversation with a victorious looking Bellatrix and Narcissa.

Though ordinarily Severus would have bowed deeply upon entering he somehow knew that tonight this would be a mistake and instead settled for a nearly reverential nodbefore interrupting.

"My Lord," he murmured, inclining his head.

"Severus," the Dark Lord retorted. "You're early."

"My business is of the utmost importance to me," the younger man replied quickly, the words spilling out without his needing to consider them. Voldemort shot him a searching look before saying definitively,

"That was clear. Might Bellatrix stay?"

Severus opened his mouth to communicate tactfully that he would rather she go, but some unseen force stopped the words before he was able to say them and somehow, against all logic he possessed, he found himself saying, "Of course, my Lord, if it pleases you."

Voldemort seemed satisfied, saying abruptly, "Narcissa, you are dismissed," and with a frightened look at Severus she disapperated, leaving him to wonder what they had been speaking of-

But somehow he knew this was irrelevant, and it was mere seconds later that the Dark Lord said, voice smooth, "I understand you've made the mudblood your mistress."

"I have, my Lord."

"And you are here, then, to ask for money to support her in the lifestyle befitting-"

"No, my Lord," Severus interrupted when he normally would have waited for the other man to finish. "I'm here to ask your permission to marry her."

Voldemort went still, face darkening before he demanded, "Have you foolishly gotten her pregnant, boy?"

"No, my Lord," Severus replied at once. "I would not be so unskilled."

"Indeed," Voldemort retorted dryly, voice silky as he turned to Bellatrix. "Then I hardly think the question merits an answer, but for the sake of clarification- what say you, Bellatrix?"

Severus felt his stomach sink as he braced himself for a tirade and found himself somehow speechless and yet utterly unsurprised when she merely looked extremely thoughtful. After a moment she pressed her fingers together and her eyes narrowed slightly as she shook her head.

"I think the situation is complex, my Lord," she replied after a long moment, eyes narrowing further as her gaze settled on Severus. "I had the pleasure of dueling Lily Potter last week-"

"The pleasure?" Voldemort repeated coolly and coaxingly, clearly surprised when she nodded definitely.

"Yes. It was the first time in years that I've dueled someone who wasn't using the Dark Arts and felt they even stood a chance."

"A mudblood? Against you?" Voldemort asked, clearly disbelieving.

"Yes," Bellatrix said shortly, almost nervously, before shrugging. "I trust we can speak openly here, if nowhere else. Her bloodlines are, of course, laughable, but there is no denying that she possesses extraordinary power. I can see advantages to having that power aligned with rather than against us."

"And you think the mudblood bitch would really align with us?" Voldemort scoffed, as she frowned.

"I think she's no idiot," Bellatrix finally said flatly, almost reluctantly. "She sees the way the tides have turned, and I do believe her to be devoted to Severus- she tried to cast the death curse on Pettigrew only after he insulted her lover-"

"Avada Kedevara?" Voldemort questioned, looking mildly impressed before his face closed off.

"Might I speak to my Lord- alone?" Bellatrix asked softly, and Severus surprisingly felt no fear as he led her to an adjacent room.

"What are you playing at, girl?" Voldemort demanded the second they were behind closed doors, but in his voice was something that more closely resembled admiration than anger.

"I would never play with our fates, My Lord," Bellatrix said, but there was a cunning sparkle in her eyes that he didn't miss as he surveyed her carefully.

"Then explain to me, Bella, why you just spent valuable time defending a woman I know you hate as much as I."

"Of course I hate her," Bellatrix hissed, disgust clear on her face. "That doesn't make any of what I said untrue. If anything it makes it more important. Where better to have the bitch than where we can watch her? What better way to catch Severus if he's up to anything he shouldn't be? And if he isn't- well, then, what better way to reward him and set an example? Imagine what your other followers will say- the awe at how greatly you are willing to reward your most loyal servant-"

"My most loyal servant is you;" he cut her off with no particular emotion, and she flushed with pleasure before demurring,

"Humbled as I am by my Lord's regard, there can be no denying that Severus risks his life every day to bring us information we'd otherwise have no way of obtaining. Even if he is not the most loyal of us, there can be little doubt that he is the most valuable at this time. Let the others see what dedicated service can bring-"

"The law prohibits the marriage," Voldemort said flatly, but it was clear he was contemplating the idea in a way he never would have an hour earlier.

"My Lord," Bellatrix said, sounding genuinely scandalized. "Your WORD is law."

Voldemort smirked grimly. "So it is."

Severus looked up as Bellatrix reentered the chamber, closely followed by Voldemort, who looked him up and down coldly before saying flatly.

"Very well. You will bring the girl to me now. Should I believe her to be loyal to you and willing to support our cause, you have my permission to marry her tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Severus echoed.

"Certainly tomorrow," the Dark Lord said with a grimace. "Now bring her here."