Chapter 35: Undergarments

It was only through years of practiced control that Severus was able to keep a look of horrified astonishment from his face, and he quickly inclined his head to gaze at Lily, afraid of what she might give away-

But her face was perfectly calm as she flippantly tossed her hair over her shoulder, replying without hesitation, "It would be my pleasure to serve you in this."

And to Severus's dismay Voldemort tilted his head to the side in a way he had learned firsthand never preceded anything good. "I find it difficult to believe your willingness," the Dark Lord mused, voice dangerously smooth, and to Severus's shock Lily let out something resembling a snort before firing back,

"I would probably be less willing if I didn't find it impossible to believe your request."

And again Severus fought to suppress a cringe at the curses he assumed were coming- no one ever, ever spoke to the Dark Lord like this without being punished-

But to his continued astonishment, though Voldemort's eyes narrowed further he made no move to draw his wand, instead hissing almost violently, "Explain."

"Only an idiot would truly wish Albus dead, my lord," Lily replied as though it were the most natural thing in the world, "And even when I was working against you, I never had reason to doubt your intelligence."

"Is that so?" Voldemort asked, voice growing still more menacing before he continued, "And pray tell me, why would someone of my intelligence wish for anything more than Albus's untimely end?"

"I admit there are disadvantages to leaving him alive," Lily shrugged, and to Severus's amazement she managed to both look and sound like she was discussing something as mundane as the weather as she took an unhurried step toward the Dark Lord. "As the head of the Order he's a figurehead to thousands, and his death would be a crushing blow, perhaps even a definitive one, to their ideals and hopes-"

"And yet you're so certain no intelligent being could wish for this?" Voldemort asked, eyes flashing, and to Severus's amazement he seemed to have forgotten there was anyone else in the room as he looked at Lily angrily, but also contemplatively, in a way that Severus knew well and that frightened him more than any dark spells would have- a way that should, perhaps, have brought relief, as it's very nature all but guaranteed that Lily was safe, at least physically, at least for tonight-

But the look also promised that Voldemort was making plans for her, determining how she could best be used to his advantage-

"Yes," Lily replied shortly, nodding definitively. "First of all, it would be an unthinkably large gamble- his death would be just as likely to incite outrage and rebellion, inspiring those who believe in Albus to fight twice as hard against what they would otherwise merely come to accept as a matter of course- and second of all, Albus is a fool," Lily continued, scorn in her voice as she rolled her eyes, and Severus had to admit that she was a much, much better actress than he could ever have dreamed as she continued, "We couldn't dare to hope that whoever replaced him would be naieve enough to hope for a peaceful resolution," Lily continued to bite out mockingly, looking like the words disgusted her, "and we certainly couldn't hope for someone so likely to give in to their emotions."

"As you, evidently, do not" Voldemort supplied dryly, and though he sounded almost bored, Severus was astounded to find that he could hear a faint twinge of respect in the man's voice before the Dark Lord abruptly whirled his gaze away from Lily.

"Severus, I fear I've not given you enough credit in your choice of bride," the older man mused before turning back to Lily and all but spitting out,

"I grant my permission for the wedding, and I will do you the courtesy of being clear. My approval will only last for as long as I believe you to be of use to me. From this moment, your very existence depends on my good will. Should I find you to have deceived me, about anything, in any way, you will both die."

And for the last time that evening, Lily bowed her head. "It will be as you wish, my lord."

Lily cringed slightly as the door to her chambers swung shut behind her, wondering whether it was really necessary that Severus be here with her now, of all times, when more than anything she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts-

But even as this occurred to her, another part of her wanted nothing more than to discuss what had just happened- what on earth was going to happen next- with the one person in the universe who might be able to actually understand what she was going through-

And for just a moment Lily allowed herself to marvel at the irony of the fact that a man who less than two months ago she had truly believed she would never see again, much less actually speak to, was about to, by default, become her closest confidant-

And all this without even knowing whether she could trust him- whether she should trust him even if she could, when he was responsible for the death of her son-

"Do you think he believed me?" she asked with casual flippancy that she did not feel, amazed that her body wasn't shaking from everything she had just had to say- all that she had had to pretend, and in spite of herself she felt sudden and definite sympathy for Severus, if he had to feel even a tenth of this every day-

With a small shake of her head she willed herself to stop thinking about it, throwing her robe carelessly over her head and onto the floor, noticing but not understanding Severus's sharp intake of breath, the slight darkening of his eyes as she did so-

And she felt suddenly and unexpectedly self-conscious for reasons that she didn't understand as a horrified expression came over his face and he looked quickly away.

"No," he hissed in response to her almost-forgotten question. "I don't think he believed you at all."

"Yeah, me either," she fired back, not sounding terribly torn up about it, and he turned to face her once more, training his gaze deliberately on her face as she sank onto the couch, curling her legs underneath her. "So what does that make our next logical question?"

At the use of the word our Severus flinched and Lily was unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes before she snapped,

"Would it be possible for you to look at me like I don't disgust you?"

For a split second Severus recoiled as though she'd slapped him and she almost regretted her hasty barb before he retorted venomously, "I don't know, Lily. Would it be possible for you to stop lounging around in your undergarments?"

Lily felt her face grow red as her jaw dropped open, then shut, hating that, when she wasn't trying, her face was embarrassingly expressive. She was torn between indignation and mortification, but despite herself, more than anything, she just felt amusement at having heard Severus, of all people, use the word undergarments-

"It is a slip," she bit out finally through clenched teeth. "I realize it's not something I'll be wearing down to breakfast in the great hall, but seeing as how you're going marry me tomorrow, I don't think it's a radical assumption that you might occasionally see a little leg."

But, to her shock, instead of firing back a final insult and being done with it, Severus took a moment to drag his gaze with excruciating slowness down her body and then back up again to her face, causing her to shiver with something she knew wasn't cold before meeting her flashing green eyes with his own. She opened her mouth to snap something, anything, about how he had a lot of nerve looking at her like- like-

"To the contrary, Lily," he said dryly, and if she hadn't known better she would have sworn he was smirking, "I can assure you that I see no leg."

Her brow furrowed in confusion before she looked down to where her legs were still neatly tucked underneath her and she hesitated, unsure as to whether it was possible that Severus Snape had just attempted to make a joke, and if so whether it would be appropriate to laugh-

"Well then, I see no problem," she retorted quickly, not wanting to navigate that particular pitfall, and raised her chin almost defiantly before she sighed, realizing that once again they had lost sight of the point in meaningless banter-

And realizing that once again, despite herself, she had enjoyed it-

However, Severus too seemed to realize that they had veered from the topic at hand, and his face was suddenly, carefully devoid of emotion as he stated, "I suppose the situation leaves us with three main- difficulties. The first, as you mention, is the question of your believability-" and suddenly his face wasn't blank anymore, and his eyes had narrowed dangerously as he near growled, "What could have possessed you to speak to the Dark Lord in that manner? It's miraculous that he didn't crucio you at least once-"

"Oh, and he would have believed my complete and total submission for sure," she shot back sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I had to have some fight in me-"

"You should have listened to me," he snapped back, and Lily was taken aback by the genuine emotion that seemed to be in his voice as he continued, "Your believability is a small matter compared to your life-"

"Oh Sev," she said softly after a moment, standing and taking a step toward him, "They're the same thing." His eyes met hers again, but this time they were almost gentle, and Lily felt her brow furrow, feeling somehow thrown off balance and trying to correct it by bantering flippantly, "Besides, as you and Albus are so quick to forget, I am an auror. This is what I was trained to do-"

"Trained, perhaps, but not prepared," Severus snapped, once more startling her with his intensity, and she wondered fleetingly what was bringing this out in him tonight when he was always so unbearably, infuriatingly stoic- and for one crazy moment she wanted to antagonize him further, see what kind of a response she might get now if she pushed-

But even as she thought it he continued, voice abruptly much calmer, though his hands remained clenched painfully at his sides, "Regardless, this leaves us with two other questions- what the Dark Lord may think or suspect of my motivations, and how it's best for you- for us- to proceed now."

"I don't think he thinks much of you in this situation," Lily mused after a long moment, biting her lip softly and twirling a long strand of hair around her finger absently, surprised as Severus's gaze followed her movements like a caress, but not wasting time to think about it. "He hardly paid any attention to you at all, which probably means that he trusts you- and thinks you're a lovesick fool. If anything he's probably just casually concerned about what you might try to do when it becomes necessary for him to kill me."

She hesitated for a moment, waiting to see how he might respond, and when he didn't she shrugged. "As for what to do now- well, maybe that's a question for after the wedding."

Her gaze sought his, and she almost wished she hadn't as the intensity once more overwhelmed her, and she suddenly wondered if it might be her and not him- if the events of the past hour were catching up to her and making her see things that weren't there-

"Well," his voice said coolly, slicing into her brief reverie, "You should get some sleep."

She snorted, looking almost indignant. "And I supposed the great Severus Snape has no need for sleep-"

And her brow furrowed in confusion as she almost could have sworn that hurt passed over his face, quickly disguised- as though she possessed the power to hurt him- but he said only, distantly,

"I'll leave you, then."

Her brow furrowed for a different reason and she hated the fact that she had to consider strategy even now as she blurted, "But- wouldn't it look more convincing if-"

She couldn't read the expression on his face as he replied, sounding almost bemused, "To the contrary, Lily, tonight is probably the last time I can leave you and have it seem more convincing- isn't there some odd muggle superstition about seeing the bride on the day of the wedding that you might like to adhere to?"

Lily felt surprise, and her head tilted to the side of its own accord as she mused aloud, "There is, though how you of all people would know that-"

"I know because you told me, Lily," he hissed suddenly, and though his face retained its carefully manufactured composure she could have sworn a flash of anger passed through his eyes, quickly suppressed, though just who or what he was angry at she couldn't tell-

"No I didn't," she shook her head, looking torn over whether to laugh or frown, and settling on merely shaking her head with a kind of simple certainty. "When on earth would we have discussed-"

"It's of no consequence," he bit out shortly, and she frowned, wondering, not for the first time, why he always insisted on making things so difficult-

"Well, then, I suppose you should go," she said finally, struggling not to let her frustrating show, and, when it became apparent that he didn't intend to say anything else, turning her back on him definitely as she strode toward the bedroom, not bothering to see him exit.

"Do you never sleep, Albus?" Lily inquired hours later, her tone rather harsh, but she nonetheless stepped aside to let him into her chambers, leaving him to shut the door behind himself.

"I might ask the same thing of you, Lily," he retorted, an almost amused twinkle in his eye as he took in the room, still brightly lit despite the hour, as well as the multiple volumes on the dark arts that she had sprawled across nearly every surface.

"I'd rather be tired than unprepared," she retorted shortly, with a gesture that seemed to imply that he should feel free to sit, but he didn't sit, merely continued to survey her closely, almost as though he wanted to ask her something, before saying with disarming casualty,

"Severus informs me that you met with Tom Riddle this evening?"

"You doubt him?" she shot back archly, but Albus merely raised one bushy eyebrow, not bothering to acknowledge her tone as he continued personably,

"And also that the Dark Lord plans to throw festivities in your honor tomorrow night."

Lily shrugged, struggling not to let her surprise show as she agreed glibly, "I suppose that would be customary, yes. I mean," and her voice caught slightly despite her best efforts as she forced herself to continue, "What's a wedding without a party-"

But to her surprise Albus didn't comment on her emotional state, merely gazed at her keenly before saying contemplatively, "Indeed, Lillian. And what's a party without a little espionage?"

Sevurus jumped as he heard a soft but undeniably firm knock on his door, and he felt sharp unease at what a visit at this late hour could possibly mean-

And so, as quickly as he could without seeming unnaturally rushed, he pulled open the door, stunned to see a slightly flushed and sheepish looking Lily standing there, looking down at her feet.

"Can I- can I help you?" he managed to bite out, hating how awkward and stilted his words sounded even as he realized that was the only way-

"Depends," she replied softly, and as her eyes flashed up to meet his they were almost teasing, despite the timidity of her tone. "Were you sleeping?"

He paused, contemplating the relative pros and cons of either answer he might give before deciding it was best to just tell the truth, as it was doubtless obvious anyway- "No."

"Were you-" and again, the strange hesitation in her voice, so uncharacteristic of her and unfathomable to him. "Were you planning to?"

Again he felt nothing more than perplexity at the nature of her question before biting out again, slightly more harshly than before, hating himself all the while for his inability to act kind to her, "No."

"Yeah, me either," she said, and he felt slight surprise at the fact that she had made her way all the way down here just to share that- "Would you- uh, I mean," she said, and if he hadn't known any better he would have sworn he saw her flush, "I thought that maybe we could, you know. Not sleep together." She darted another gaze at him, and whatever she saw made her slouch back slightly, but nonetheless she raised her chin, saying with flippancy that he could tell, absolutely, she did not feel, "I mean, it's not like the staying apart the night before the wedding method brought me much luck anyhow."

Severus felt suddenly uncomfortable for reasons he couldn't fully identify, much less understand, and he swallowed hard past a sudden and inexplicable lump in his throat before murmuring awkwardly, "I- of course. Please, come in."

Without another word Lily brushed gently past him into the room.