Chapter 38: Give In

The way that Lily had returned his wild kiss in that room in Malfoy Manor drove Severus to distraction. She had been frustrated, almost angry, and incredibly passionate, and it had driven his body and desire for her quite mad.

It did not help that she now slept regularly just outside the door to his chambers, on his couch. The debilitating urge to throw her down on his bed and pound her into the mattress was growing stronger with each passing day.

So was his obsession, to the point, that, though both he and Albus had assured Lily his concern after her was far from stalking, even to Severus's mind, it was nonetheless starting to feel like stalking was exactly what he was doing to his colleague and now wife, feigned though the wedding might have been.

It all came to a head one evening in the closed library, when Severus encountered Lily in the Restricted Section. His yearning for her, coupled with the maddening frustration that she seemed not to know exactly what she had done to him was the last straw. This was it – one way or another, he would finally confess his true feelings to the one woman he had wanted all along, whom he had watched marry another – his schoolyard enemy. Even bear that Potter's child.

Lily pulled up short when she saw the fire in his eyes. "Severus?"

But Severus merely prowled towards her, a concerned Lily starting to back away until she finally stumbled up against a bookshelf, Severus throwing out both hands to brace on either side of her. Nowhere to run now.

Lily was biting her lip, trembling, tears in her eyes at the…. lust?... that she found there. And though her heart stirred, it took all her effort to murmur weakly,

"Severus… please stop."

She begged it of him, not looking her companion in the eye, but down at her sensible leather shoes, gripping the book she'd previously been reading before being interrupted, More Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find These Too, close to her chest. "This isn't a game."

True to character, Severus Snape did not take her request with graceful surrender. Instead, he made a challenging step closer.

"I never considered it one, Evans," he murmured, his breath hot against her face as he drew into her personal space without fear.

"Potter," she corrected in a whisper, terrified now by her traitorous heart and how it reacted to this man's presence.

"Snape," he stubbornly retorted. "The Dark Lord wed us, after all. And deep down, you are thrilled we are man and wife."

She shook her head, put her hands up to his chest to push him away, but the wall of his pectoral muscles - and one hell of a center of gravity - solidly resisted her attempts. "Move, please," she pleaded, shaking all over now. "Don't do this. I'm a married woman."

"Yes – to me! Not a husband who is dead in the ground!" he snarled, and capturing her small wrists in one hand, Severus abruptly yanked them above her head and pressed the entire length of his rock hard body against hers. He swooped down in the next second and kissed her hard. They both gasped and moaned at the electric feeling of finally. It was true magic.

"Mmmmm….. Hmmmm…. Severus, please… we… we mustn't…. No…. No – Mmmmm…." He attacked her face, dipping down into the soft curve of her neck, as she tried to twist away, even as her body screamed to brush against him closer. "No, this isn't right…" But her lashes were fluttering heavily with want, and when Severus deeply kissed her lips again, she let him.

Lily's overly active mind completely shut off and her sexually-starved body switched on as her co-worker's lips hungrily slanted over hers, at first conquering, then slowly coaxing a response from her, seeking her participation in her own seduction. Her will completely eroded in that instant, and with a whimper, she gave in to her basest desire. The book she'd been holding dropped with an unceremonious 'thunk' to the floor, flipping open to the bookmarked page she'd been reading on Karkadann, a type of very rare Persian Unicorn.

As soon as she relaxed and her mouth parted for him, Severus's tongue shot repeatedly between the split and fiercely twined around hers, sensually coaxing a response. His grip on her wrists let go, and his hands fell into her curls, tangling his long, pale fingers up in them, pulling her head closer to his with a low groan. She gripped his hips tightly for purchase, afraid she'd go tumbling end over end much as her book had, for she felt like she was in free fall.

This was the best kiss Lily could ever remember getting, quite honestly. But then again, she'd only lip-locked with two other men in the entirety of her life: once with a Muggle neighbor, Rob (a hurried, sloppy series of small pecks – her first intimacy with a man), and from then on, only with her husband, James (whose kisses were little more than a rushed platitude as he groped to remove her clothes and get her on her back fast). With Severus, this pleasurable art encompassed lingering, sweet, and hot touches that tingled up her spine and melted her brain.

As if cued by her eager response, his pelvis began grinding against hers and he pushed her further back into the shelf. Pent-up desire exploded between them then. Panting hard, they started divesting themselves of clothing in a rush. His hands roamed everywhere, smoothing down the sway of her back, gliding up her waist, cupping her now blouseless breasts. His mouth followed an erratic pattern as well, nibbling on her earlobe, sucking hard on her bra-clothed nipples, biting her pulse, sweeping across her lips. Her nails dragged down his back leaving a trail of red streaks between both shoulder blades. Their equal cries of pleasure echoed in the empty room about them.

Locked onto her lips, Severus backed her swiftly towards one of the flat tables nearby, and with an easy pull of muscle, he had her bare bottom up on the very edge of the cold, wooden surface. She spread her legs and he inched between her thighs. His exposed cock pressed against her lower lips, rubbing through her crisp hairs, leaving a trail of pre-come behind, dampening them.

"Tell me you want me," he bid, shuddering against her as the rosy-pink tip of his penis found her entrance and waited, straining for completion. He reached down between them and grabbed it, and began circling her sopping wet opening with the crown, tickling and teasing. "Say it, Lily."

She shivered. It had been so bloody long since she'd had sex –- over a year and a half, at least - and even then, she'd never felt this accelerated level of desire for James, ever. Her blood was boiling under her overly-sensitized skin, and she flushed hot all over, from the tips of her ears to her toes. She wanted Severus so much that her insides ached. It had been all that cleverly built-up anticipation, of course. All of the months of lingering stares across the Quidditch stands or in the Entrance Hall or in the teacher's lounge, the "accidental" brushes against her hands or waist or bottom by his well-manicured, long fingers as they passed each other in the hallways or coming and going from the storage closets or in the Greenhouses, the low whispers against her ear as he bent his tall frame down to wish her good morning or good afternoon or good evening, the argumentative banter that he threw around that had contained double entendre and sly innuendo and blatant intimation… all of it had driven her mad with want for him for weeks on end, and now they hovered on the brink of finally giving in to all of that repressed, wild sexual energy. All it would take was her telling him what she wanted.

And yet, in this, Lily found just enough willpower to shy away.

"Wait…. Hmmm…. Wait…." And holding his eyes, green on black, she gulped as she whispered:

"I want to do this the right way. I want to take you to bed, Severus."

He blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

She ran her hands up his biceps, feeling the solid muscle underneath them. "I want to make love to you…"

Severus knew what she wanted. Gathering her in his arms, they Disapparated back to his chambers.

The light in his chambers was dim, only emanating from candles as, lying back on his silky sheets, Lily spread her legs wide for the man now hovering above her and looking like he could scarcely breathe. Her heart raced as Severus's long and talented fingers pushed the hem of her skirts up around her hips, and she heard his breath hitch when he realized she wasn't wearing panties. Taking his hand, she guided into the damp and aching muscles that told of her desire for him, showing him how to touch her, how to please her.

She'd tried to separate herself from him. All those years ago, she'd given him up as a lost cause, telling herself that the Severus she'd known was gone. But had she ever believed it? Not really. Deep down, she'd never stopped loving him, hoping there was some small chance they might be reconciled someday.

"Shall I take off the rest?" Her voice was positively breathless.

"Please."

She nodded, reaching back to unfasten her bra. Tossing it aside, she removed the clip from her hair so it tumbled down her back.

"Your turn," she said, amused by how swiftly he managed to undress. His boots hit the floor, followed by his trousers, robe, and undershirt. The only thing left were his shorts, his erection straining against the thin fabric.

"Those, too."

"Right." Hastily, he took them off, his eyes meeting hers as he awaited her next instruction.

"Lie down."

How had she ended up in charge? She didn't know, but she certainly wasn't complaining. On the contrary, she'd never felt more powerful, more beautiful, holding his gaze as she swung her legs languidly off the bed and placed her knees on the foot of the bed. Slowly, she crawled up the length of his body, not stopping until she was straddling him and they were face to face.

"Severus," she whispered. "I want…"

"Tell me."

"I want to please you."

He made a strange noise, caught somewhere between a whimper and a groan. She murmured in response, kissing him slow and deep. Finally, she released his mouth, bringing her lips to the side of his neck. She teased his ear with the tip of her tongue, feeling him shiver as she moved lower, raining kisses across his chest and stomach.

Of course, she didn't intend on stopping there. She rose to kneel between his thighs, his eyes snapping open as he realized what she was doing. He cursed under his breath, burying his hands in her hair as she drew him into her mouth.

He was fully aroused, unmistakably hard, groaning helplessly as she took him deeper, as deep as she could manage. She followed his wordless cues, mimicking the rhythm he set as he lifted his hips, thrusting gently into her mouth. By then, he was panting, releasing her hair to claw at the sheets.

"Lily," he rasped as she picked up momentum. "I can't…"

The rest of his words were lost, but she caught his meaning. Releasing him from her mouth, she shifted onto her hands and knees, kissing him fiercely as she guided him inside her.

"Severus…"

His only response was a shuddering groan, his hands skimming the length of her body. He kept his eyes fixed on hers, his expression mesmerized as she lifted her hips, bringing them down again and again with soft cries of pleasure. She didn't think it could get any better… not until his fingers delved between her thighs, rubbing her in slow, deliberate circles.

She moved faster, whimpering as he increased the friction. "Please," she gasped, her fingernails digging into his chest. "Don't stop."

"Never."

With that, he applied more pressure, her eyes squeezing shut as wave after wave of pleasure shuddered through her. When she opened them again, her head was resting on his shoulder, her body utterly sated. Only then did she realize that he wasn't quite finished. He lifted his hips, easing himself in and out of her, his expression a strange mixture of agony and bliss.

"I love you."

She hadn't meant to say it. Hadn't even realized she felt that way until the words left her mouth. Either way, the effect was instantaneous, his body jerking like he'd just been hit by a Stunner. She felt him pulsing inside her, muttering something that might've been her name as his body went limp.

"What you said…"

"I love you?"

"Did… did you mean it?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

"I…" He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "You must know that I…"

"That you love me, too?"

"I always have. I'm just sorry that…"

Shaking her head, she pressed her fingers to his lips. "No apologies. Whatever happened or who was at fault, we can't change the past. All we have…"

"Is now," he finished for her.

She nodded, tracing the angular lines of his face. "Severus?"

"Yes, love?"

"You remember seventh year? That day in the woods… what really happened?"

He shook his head, letting out a heavy sigh. "I was foolish enough to go off on my own. They followed me, caught me unawares. I challenged Potter to a duel, but when it became clear that I was winning…"

"They ganged up on you?"

"Of course they did. I managed to fend them off for a little while, but eventually, I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up, my injuries were… extensive. I was unable to get to Hogwarts until I'd recuperated."

"So you did heal yourself."

He shrugged. "That wasn't the first time I had to do so. Nor the last, for that matter."

"Unbelievable."

Lily's voice was laced with anger, though to his relief, it wasn't directed at him. What had happened since the last time he'd seen her? Something to do with Potter, obviously, though he wouldn't allow himself to imagine what that was. This conversation was going far better than he'd expected – he didn't want to spoil it by threatening to murder her husband.

"I asked James to leave you alone. He promised…"

"He lied. Hardly a day went by when I wasn't hexed, particularly during our final year. They stalked me through the halls, used some sort of tracking device to catch me unawares. They…"

"They stripped off your clothes. Left you lying there Petrified. They…" Lily hesitated, shaking her head. "They peed on you, didn't they?"

Severus flinched, refusing to meet her eyes.

"And you didn't tell because…"

"You already know the answer to that."

"Because you assumed that no one would believe you?"

"I didn't assume," he said, struggling to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I knew."

"You could've at least tried. You could've…"

"I was sick of trying! Can't you understand that? When that happened… that was two years after Black nearly got me killed, only to be let off with a warning. A bloody warning! Dumbledore never stopped excusing their actions, McGonagall wouldn't even hear me out. They always assumed the worst of me, refusing to believe that their precious Gryffindors could possibly be at fault. Even you… what was I supposed to do? There was no one I could turn to, no one…"

"No one," she said quietly, "except You-Know-Who."

"Yes."

"Oh, Severus…"

He shook his head. "Don't feel sorry for me, Lily. Don't excuse my actions. I've done terrible things, I…"

"Did you want to do them?"

Hesitating, he thought about the Muggle family he'd killed last week. As usual, he'd had no choice but to put them out of their misery, bringing an end to the torture they'd been forced to endure.

"No," he said. "No, I did not. I thought… I didn't realize…"

"You must've heard the rumors."

"Yes, but I didn't want to believe them. All I saw was…"

"What you wanted to see," she finished for him.

"Yes."

"Just like I did with James."

He nodded. "We've both learned a great deal about deception, it seems."

"I wish… I wish we would've listened to each other. I can't help thinking about how different our lives would be if…" She trailed off, covering her face with her hands.

Not knowing what else to do, he pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair with the tips of his fingers. She didn't resist, something twisting deep inside him as she buried her face in his neck.

"It's all right," he said, his voice low. "Truly, this is my fault. I shouldn't have…" He paused. "I think… remember Pott – James for the good things he brought you, even if he manipulated you about me. I presume he was a faithful husband, and he gave you a child."

Lily nodded, eyes filling with tears. "I do miss them… and no matter what James did to you, I don't – I can't – regret Harry for anything."

Curling into her, Severus kissed her hair. "I understand."

"Severus?" she whispered, lifting her head to look at him. She'd never seemed more vulnerable to him than she did in that moment, tear filled eyes shimmering beneath the candlelight.

"What is it?"

"If…. if I asked you to…. would you marry me? … For real?"

He gazed down at her in wonder, twirling a strand of her hair between his fingers.

"It would be more of a vow renewal…"

"I don't care," she shook her head. "Let's make it just between us. Oh, and maybe the staff."

Severus lightly pecked her lips, whispering against the seam of her mouth, "I'll ask Albus in the morning if he would wish to marry us…"

Giggling, Lily flipped Severus and swung her legs over his hips as she moved to straddle him, slowly undulating her body as she began to make love to him again…

It was a few mornings later, out by their favorite spot by the lake near Spinner's End where they would go to be alone as children, that Lily, in a white dress and shimmering veil, her auburn hair in ringlets, joined hands with Severus in his striking dress robes. Reverently, Severus slipped on Lily's finger the bronze ring he had recovered during the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament all those years ago. He wasn't sure why he had kept it; now, he understood.

When Albus Dumbledore proclaimed them legally married as husband and wife, Lily only waited long enough for a beaming Severus to lift back her veil before she leapt at him. Cupping his face in her hands, she kissed him deeply, her green eyes fluttering shut with pleasure. Her mouth petaled open, bursting into full bloom, as she embraced and kissed her new husband, it only mildly occurring to her how she had been bound to him in matrimony now by both the Dark Lord himself and that Lord's greatest rival.

Feeling his tongue swimming into her mouth as his arms stole about her so he could lift her clean off her feet, Lily still managed to get out in a hoarse whisper:

"I love you!"

At long last, the newlyweds dreamily broke apart, Severus smiling the brightest she had ever seen him.

"I've never seen you look so ravishing. Congratulations… Professor Snape."

Giggling, Lily looped her arm through his. "Why, thank you, Professor Snape, though I do prefer the name 'Mrs. Snape' when we are alone."

"As you wish…. Mrs. Snape."

Tugging him close, she pressed her lips to his once more. "Say my new name again," she murmured, caressing his face. "I love you…. I love my husband."

Severus grinned. "And I love you, my wife."

And arm-in-arm, Severus and Lily left the small chapel of trees to greet the well-wishers in their fellow Hogwarts staff.