Chapter 4: Goodbye Until…
I feel drained of all energy as the spring passes, the days growing steadily warmer and with it, the drums of war beating louder and louder.
None of my family says much about the Quell. Bannock, Damper and Injera – all of Reaping age – seem relieved to be spared for another year, and for this, I can't fault them. My brothers give me a wide berth, like they know what I'm feeling. Dad and Madge and Delly are the most sympathetic, sometimes just giving me a light touch on the arm and a smile of sympathy.
True to form, Mom seems actually pleased about the Twist, if for no other reason than the Village will probably be empty within a matter of months and we'll save the money on bread deliveries up the hill. I haven't told her yet that even if Katniss should die, I intend to continue delivering bread and providing for Prim and her family. Mom won't take it well, and perhaps she won't have to know.
The morning of July 4th, the Reaping, dawns hot and sultry. I button my best dress shirt with shaking fingers and my sprawling family and I gather downstairs, one at a time.
When we arrive at the Square, there are no Reaping pens separating off the 12 to 18 year olds due to age. For the Quell twist twenty five years ago, all those eligible to be Reaped had been grouped off in decades, except for the 19-year-olds who had a pen of their own.
Now, glancing to the stage, I can see Haymitch and Katniss standing alone on either side of the stage, Effie Trinket in the middle. Even from this far away, I can tell the kind Capitol lady lacks her usual verve.
"Welcome! Welcome, to the centennial anniversary – the Fourth Quarter Quell – of the Hunger Games. As always… ladies first."
I have eyes only for Katniss as Effie crosses to the bowl with the one slip of paper everyone knows has her name on it. My secret love is wearing a light and airy, blue sundress. It might be the same one she wore to the Reaping when we were children, but I can't be sure. Nevertheless, I appreciate the color, and how it clings to her voluptuous curves. She looks breathtaking, her chestnut hair in its signature braid with flowers woven into the strands – that was probably Prim and Chrissy's doing.
"The female tribute from District 12…. Katniss Everdeen." A single tear is rolling down Katniss's cheek, and I desperately wish I could wipe it away. She turns sadly to Haymitch, who nods stoically. The drunk is wearing a long brown overcoat, and his blonde hair is parted oddly.
"Wonderful!" Effie squeaks. "And now for the men." She crosses to the male bowl – also with only one slip of paper.
"The male tribute from District 12…. Haymitch Abernathy!"
Haymitch scowls as he takes his place next to Katniss.
"The tributes from District 12: Katniss Everdeen…. and Haymitch Abernathy. Well, all that remains…."
I do it without thinking. Pressing three fingers to my lips, I lift them on high, a buoy in a sea of faces. I watch as Katniss spots them, her eyes dropping down to me, and she smiles both tragically and gratefully. I know what the gesture means. It's a Seam custom, a sign of respect. To say goodbye to someone you love.
Before long, most everyone else in the Square imitates the gesture. Even my nephews, Bannock and Damper, copy me, glancing to each other uncertainly. Of my family, Mom is the only one who doesn't partake.
Haymitch and Katniss are ushered into the Justice Building, and bodies begin to crunch as people disperse, most of them leaving the Square. I think I see a crown of blonde hair pushing towards the front – Prim and her family.
Jostled with the rest of my brood towards the edge of the Square, my frantic eyes happen to land on Delly. Smiling sadly, she touches my arm.
"Go," she coos in a whisper.
Nodding to her thankfully, I turn and sprint for the doors.
The Hawthornes are already in line by the time I sign in, and I wait patiently as Prim ushers her husband and her four screaming little ones past the Peacekeeper. "You have fifteen minutes," the guard rumbles.
I spend my time in the queue pacing, occasionally glancing to the locked door on the other side of the hall. No one is in line to see Haymitch Abernathy, which doesn't exactly surprise me. His real family died long ago, and the most famous drunk in the district hasn't been known to have any friends who aren't his closest neighbors. I consider paying the old man a visit once I see Katniss, should I have the time; he might be a louse, but Haymitch needs someone too.
Prim and the others are now being ushered out, the district Healer's face in a handkerchief and weeping quietly. Yarrow is thrashing in her arms. Tucking his wife into his side, Rory nods to me appreciatively. "She'll be glad to see you," he mumbles.
The officer ushers me back, rumbling the same warning of 15 minutes. The lock clicks when the door shuts behind me.
I find myself in an ornate room, with a roaring fireplace off to one side. There is a plush loveseat across the expanse, set under the only window, in front of which Katniss is pacing. Catching sight of me, she runs into my arms, and I hold her close, shivering at the way she rests her cheek on my chest.
"Don't be afraid," I tell her, although it seems kind of pointless.
"I'm not afraid to die," she whispers. "If anything, I'm scared of not being with you. I'll… I'll miss you."
"Don't talk like it's already hopeless," I tell her. "We're going to see each other again. I believe that."
I feel her lips upturn into a smile against my chest. "Always the optimist…." She almost chuckles.
"Someone has to be." She draws back out of my arms and her eyes gaze at me brightly, full of a warmth that she doesn't show many people. I feel my throat grow dry, and a little voice nudges me to tell her! Tell her you love her! Even if she doesn't feel the same, I can survive it.
What I can't survive is losing her forever.
Katniss is shaking her head, tears slipping down her cheeks. "What a waste my life has been…. Effie says I should have risked…." She doesn't finish. "I should have listened. Maybe dying won't be so bad, cause Snow knows I've been dying a little bit every day since you came into my life."
I feel my heart start to pound. "What are you talking about?"
She smiles sadly, almost helplessly. The tears are shimmering now. Then, her breath hitches and with a gasp, she suddenly loops her arms about my neck and presses her lips to mine.
It takes me a dazed minute before my arms are stealing about her waist, kissing her back. The moment I begin to return the kiss, I feel Katniss swoon, nearly collapse, in my arms.
"I love you!" she hisses against my lips, her voice hoarse with something I had never dared to dream, and it causes me to tremble. "I should have told you…." She presses herself against me closer still, and her feet leave the floor as I pick her up and hold her tightly. Finally, I have to come up for air; Katniss just whines, mewls and reaches for me.
"Kiss me…." she breathes.
"It won't ever be enough. Not for me!" I gaze at her with pure love.
She actually giggles at this. "Better get started, then….. I don't have much time…" And then she is kissing me again with an ardor that I have never known from her. I feel my palms dip lower to feel her bum through her skirts; in response, Katniss raises her leg to hook it around my torso. She folds all her limbs about me, in fact….
I am so lost in the kiss, that I shiver when something cool and soft suddenly brushes along the inside of my waistline. Fingers cup my hardening length, and I nearly choke.
"What….. what are you doing…?"
"Sssssh…" Katniss's finger hovers over my flushed lips, striking me dumb. She buries her face in my neck, mouthing, kissing, licking along my pulse point.
"Make love to me, Peeta…. please, make love to me…."
It is almost insane, how quickly my fingers now push her skirts up past her hips. We stagger back into the wall as Katniss yanks her bodice down, exposing her breasts and I moan at the sight of her peaked nipples, which she now rubs as she touches herself.
My erection is straining at this point and I rub myself against her to gain friction. Growling into my lips, Katniss digs her nails into my buttocks and furiously rocks her hips back.
I suction my lip to her breast, feeding on it, and Katniss cants into me with a breathy moan.
"Mmmmm….. Huhhhhh….. Yessssss… Please, Peeta…. Peeta….."
There is the clang of a belt and my trousers fall to my ankles. I swiftly enter her with one powerful thrust and she cries out happily and we frantically begin to rock against each other. Our breathing becomes heavy and labored. Katniss's cries are becoming louder and louder, morphing into happy mewls, yips and squeaks and back again.
"Huhhhh….. Uhhhh… Hrrrrmmm…. Ooohh! P-Peeta…." Arching her back, she cries out, "PEETA!" And she comes all around me.
I grunt, growl as I jerk into her, finally following in my release so that I sag against her.
"I love you too," I murmur into her ear. "I always have. I always wanted you to be my first…"
"I'm glad you were my first too…." Katniss croons, kissing my earlobe. Redressing ourselves after uncoupling, she beams radiantly, taking my hand and guiding me over to the fireplace. Her smoky grey eyes are suddenly terribly shy and she ducks her head to avoid looking at me, running a nervous hand through her braid.
"Will you marry me?"
Lifting her chin up, I kiss her lips gently. "Yes," I murmur.
We kneel before the fireplace, and Katniss pulls out a chesse bun from the folds of her dress, smiling shyly. "Yarrow gave it to me," she prattles, and I laugh as I ready the poker to burn it before we split it in half. Opening her mouth, I feed Katniss a piece, and then she does the same for me.
"I…. I know we don't have rings…."
"Make your token your ring." I point to the mockingjay pin Katniss has worn since her first Games.
"OK," she giggles. "What about you?"
Wordlessly, I pull at the chain around my neck, revealing the locket to which it is attached. I always wear the pendant under my shirt, and never let anyone see what is inside it. Opening the clasp, Katniss draws both of her hands to her mouth to stifle a gasp when she realizes it is a picture of her inside.
"I painted this of you when we were young," I blush bashfully. "I… hope you don't mind."
She kisses me quickly. "I love it. And I love you." Blinking back tears, she gets out, "I love my husband."
"And I love my wife." Leaning in, we kiss deeply again before breaking apart. "And Mrs. Mellark…." (Katniss shivers in delight against my lips. "Say my new name again," she whispers with relish).
"Mrs. Mellark…." I grin like a fool. "I expect you to come home to me. Don't be late now."
"I won't," she smiles. The clock chimes on the wall; fifteen minutes are up. "Kiss me again!" she begs almost desperately and we do, in little, hurried pecks, until the Peacekeeper comes to take me away.
I'm thrown out without ceremony, and I stay staring at the door for a moment. Finally, with a sigh, I turn and march over to the other holding room, where Haymitch Abernathy lies within.
The drunk glances up in shock when I burst in, obviously having given up hope that anyone would visit him. "Boy? What the…..?"
"Get her out of there alive, Haymitch," I hiss fiercely. "I don't care what you have to do – just get her out of there alive." And turning, I march out before my fifteen minutes with the man are even up.