Alina Starkov needed a break, but she was having an immense amount of trouble deciding on what exactly needed the breaking.
One option in particular was rather tempting. She wanted to break Zoya's neck for all the sneers, pompous remarks, that one time where she blatantly broke her ribs on purpose, and all the incredulous laughter that had escaped the raven-haired beauty's lips when Alina was first brought into the Grisha tents and presented to the Darkling himself.
On the other hand, there was the itch to break Mal's jaw for shoving his tongue down said Squaller's throat and then had the audacity to whine to her about how she at least never flinched when he touched her. Never mind that he wouldn't listen to Alina, never mind that she was under so much pressure as the designated leader of the Second Army, never mind that she was under constant threat that the Darkling might appear in the flesh at any moment with his army of nichevo'ya.
Then she wanted to break her own mind for the passing idea of running away with Mal in a moment of desperation and heartbreak. As if she could go back to being the mousy little thing that he had supposedly fallen in love with only after she had been discovered to be something more. She needed to clear her head.
"Let's go," Mal's rough voice snapped her out of her stupor, bringing her back into the thick of the wood and the dark of the night.
Her lips parted as she scrutinized him with a mix of confusion and worry. His hair was tousled after running his hands through it so many times and his face was lined with frustration. Did he mean to take her up on her plea to run away together? She had only just told him that his sweet Alina was dead and gone, leaving only the thirst for power and the third amplifier in her wake. She would never give that up, and that truth hung around them in the eerie darkness of the woods around them.
She finally spoke, her voice quiet and hoarse from tears. "Where?"
"Back to the Little Palace. I'm not going to just leave you in the woods."
A short, exasperated laugh escaped her. "Contrary to popular belief, I can take care of myself."
He stared at her, blue eyes swimming with pain. "I'm the captain of your guard."
"And you're clearly not in the right state to do your job," she scoffed, gesturing to his beaten features from his fight with Eskil. "So why don't you go on and head to bed? Or, better yet, why not go share Zoya's? It's not like you haven't before," the words dripped out of her mouth like venom on a festering wound, and she held back another onslaught of tears.
The sharp scent of birch trees tickled at her nose as she turned on her heels and marched in the opposite direction of the Little Palace, wishing she could take her words back because it hurt even more how he didn't deny them. Her wrist still tingled from his touch and all she wanted to do was wash it away forever. She needed to blow off some steam, and what better place to do so than the banya?
Much to her relief, she found it relatively empty, save for Marie and Nadia dressing to go back to their rooms for the night. When Marie offered to stay, Alina shook her head in silence and continued on, praying to the Saints that they hadn't noticed her tear-stained face or the fresh tears stinging at her eyes. As she stripped down to nothing and wrapped a fluffy towel around her body, she caught her own face in the mirror on the wall and frowned.
They had, without a doubt, noticed.
Her eyes were watery, and the usual darkness under them were puffy and red instead. She scowled, tightening the towel around her before heading out the door into an open-air pool that had the perfect view of the night sky, though overcast tonight. After checking to make sure there were no stragglers in or out of the water, she let the towel fall to the ground and took a plunge.
Cold water rushed over every bare inch of skin before she surfaced and sputtered for air. She shivered and grit her teeth as she began to do laps, working out her aggression with every long stroke until she was left gasping. Much to her surprise, her gasps soon turned into tiny spurts of giggles. She clung to the side of the pool and laughed until she cried, cried until she sobbed.
Hot tears rolled down her face, but when she stared up at the clouded sky, the crescent moon began to peek, a sliver of a grin mocking her tears. She furiously scrubbed her tears away and pulled herself out of the water, shivering when the wound on her shoulder throbbed.
As she wrung the water from her hair and wrapped the towel back around her lithe form, she swore to herself that she wouldn't let such petty actions made by Mal and Zoya make her cry, and she also refused to admit that she was jealous of Zoya of all people. She was the Sun Summoner, for Saints sake, and with two amplifiers too. Her fingers slowly wandered to the collar around her neck and the scales on her wrist.
Funny how they used to wander to the scar etched on her palm.
With her shoulders high, she ignored the pang in her chest as she walked back inside and into one of the wood-paneled steambath rooms. She breathed in the moist air and let out a satisfied sigh, never being more thankful for the natural hot springs underground.
Eager not to waste any time, Alina shut the door and settled down onto a wooden bench, conjuring up a tiny ball of light to cast a warm glow on the room with only the flick of her wrist. The towel pooled at her feet and soon she had settled back against the wall, eyes shut and face flushed.
She wasn't aware of how much time had passed when she stirred, having started to doze off. It was the most peace and relaxation that she had experienced in a long time coming, and she had caught her mind wandering. Just earlier she had been considering kissing Nikolai and forever damning the consequences. Yet she'd rejected him and had to deal with her own consequences in watching Mal and Zoya and feeling sorry for herself. A small frown curled on her lips. Maybe she should seek Nikolai out and apologize for shoving him away, kiss him until she forgot her pain, and then drag him into the Darkling's chambers and -
The pain in her shoulder had just ebbed into a thrumming pulse when her light was snuffed out. Her body jolted in panic and her hands immediately shoved forward in an effort to call light forth, but the inky blackness was too thick - so thick that she wasn't able to see her own hand in front of her face. Swallowing noisily, her shot down and fisted themselves into the fabric of her towel.
Alina pulled the towel around her body and squinted in the darkness, waiting. It had to be another vision of the Darkling, and he couldn't have chosen a worse time to make an appearance. On the Fold, in the chapel, in his room, watching her from a distance almost everywhere she went... she wasn't entirely sure if she was going mad or not.
"Am I interrupting?" his cool voice caressed her ears and she tightened her grip on her towel, glaring heatedly into the darkness.
"If I said yes, would you go away?"
His rich chuckle reverberated off every bone in her body. In a matter of moments, the darkness had dissipated, leaving the two of them alone in natural gloom and steam. Sweat beaded on the back of her neck as she first eyed his tall silhouette and then the door.
"Do you know how late it is, Alina?"
"Are you my mother now?" she muttered, glancing back at his dark form with annoyance evident in her eyes. "You'd think Baghra would have taught you some manners, barging in on a woman naked..."
She could practically feel his eyes assessing her, greedily crawling over her exposed skin. "You seem decent enough."
Then he took a step towards her, the sharp angles of his angelic face coming into view while she clutched the towel tighter against her chest. "Don't take another step."
The Darkling stood frozen in place, and she took notice on how his black kefta was clinging to his pale skin, his shock of black hair dampening from the steam surrounding them. Alina tore her eyes away, and if her face wasn't already heated from the steam, she was sure to be blushing from head to toe at the sight of him alone. Her heart was pounding against her chest, begging for another look, but she kept her eyes down.
"Something must have happened," he mused after a few long moments of silence. "Was it your otkazat'sya?" Alina refused to answer, so he continued, "Or this Nikolai he spoke of? Tell me, does he happen to be the Lanstov prince?"
She finally looked up, her eyes boring into his quartz gray eyes. "Tell me," she said mockingly, "why are you so unfazed by me only wearing a towel?"
Amusement danced upon his unscarred face as he arched one elegant brow. "You find that after several lifetimes, attraction can be easily concealed under a mask of innocence. Though, have I truly ever hidden mine from you?"
"I clearly remember you threatening to skin me and wishing to throw me overboard," she pointed out, not saying anything this time around as he took another step, leaving only a foot of space between them. Her voice turned to a whisper when she spoke, lifting her chin to search his face, "You haven't kissed me since the night before... the Fold's accident..."
A wry grin curled on his mouth as he slowly began to pull apart his black kefta, revealing all lean muscle underneath. "I will admit that I was feeling quite... dejected after your betrayal. All for the impotent tracker too."
"I don't think I was the one doing the betraying," the counter came out more as a breathy sigh than the spiteful words she had meant to direct at him. Her eyes darting about to look anywhere but him, Alina licked her lips that felt so suddenly dry. The heat was getting to her, none of this was real, none of this could be real.
Fingertips brushed against her cheek, his breath maddenly hot against her skin. "I never wanted to betray you."
Of its on accord, one hand freed itself from its duty to hold up her towel and instead inched up his toned abdomen. Her breathing became heavier as she lifted her chin and allowed her lips to be caught in his. It was a bruising, punishing kiss that bowed her spine and weakened her knees, his hand tangled in her hair.
Alina was feverish, with one hand roaming his chest and the other desperately clinging to whatever fragment of dignity she had left, and she was in constant fight with herself. Her virtue caught the Darkling's interest but her thirst kept him wanting more. As his tongue swiped against her bottom lip and she eagerly let him in for a devouring kiss, she realized that she thirsted for his dominance over her.
His hands slapped against the pale wood on either side of her thighs as he pressed her into the wall with his bruising kiss. She might have keeled over that very moment if he allowed it, as it felt like he was pulling every breath out of her trembling body.
When one hand slipped underneath her only protection, she made no move to push it away. She thought of the pleasant little thrill that rushed through her whenever Mal kissed her, but that could never compare to the insatiable desire the Darkling wrecked upon her very being from the moment he first laid eyes on her. This mad desire that left her quivering with need, left her heart threatening to burst from her chest. His fingers slithered closer to her center, dipping in between her thighs.
His dark chuckle was euphoric when he found her molten center, already dripping wet.
"Is this for me, Alina?"
She groaned, a sound halfway between annoyance and need. Her arm was beginning to ache from the sharp angle it was in, thanks to whatever shred of dignity she had left, but the other grasped his wrist and begged him to continue.
His eyes darkened before he turned to nip at the skin of her neck directly above her collar, successful in bringing forth a wanton whimper. Then he stroked her expertly with one finger, like a maestro plucking the first note of his instrument. She gasped, toes curling, her free hand darting to clutch onto his shoulder as his fingers explored her most sensitive flesh.
The tip of one finger dipped inside her, testing the waters on just how far she was willing to give herself to him. In that moment, she might admit that she was completely his to do with as he pleased. But she kept her lips sealed, apart from the pleasurable gasps that tore from her throat as he thumbed over her clit teasingly.
A satisfied rumble in the Darkling's throat caught her attention. "What?" she whispered, barely able to find her voice above the pleasure he elicited in her body as his fingers kept stroking in that maddening way. Her body was strung tight as a bowstring, ready for the final pluck to send her over the edge. The shining brink of madness and ultimate gratification was alight in her eyes when he answered.
"Your otkazat'sya has yet to claim you, I see," he purred into her ear. Although one part full of rage deep inside her, buried under all her desires blanched at the words, she clutched onto his shoulder and rocked her hips against his hand.
"Please," she sobbed brokenly, throwing her head back as she felt herself on the brink of euphoria, "I- I need you."
The Darkling paused and, in a moment, was standing at full height. A wicked smirk etched itself upon his face as he raised his fingers to his lips and licked each digit meticulously. Alina watched in stupefied disbelief, hot tears building in her eyes at being denied her release.
"Soon," he murmured, no doubt pleased with himself when he disappeared on the spot.
Raw anger bubbled underneath her skin as she threw off the towel, slammed open the door, threw on her blue kefta, and trudged back to the Little Palace as the sun was just beginning to peak. As she crawled underneath the covers of purest ebony silk under the canopy of his bed, she crushed a pillow to her face and inhaled his scent, crisp as the night.
It was there where she shoved aside the mortification crawling in her veins and wished his promised soon was closer than what she imagined.