This is exactly what it says in the summary; Edwards leaving Bella in New Moon but from his perspective. I know the idea has probably been done before but I just wanted to give it a try. All the dialogue is straight from the book (so credit to SM) but Edwards thoughts (and there are a LOT) are all what I think was going through his mind at the time (so credit to me =D ). Anyway, I hope you like it

little-miss-twilighter
xx


Edward's POV

"Come for a walk with me"

My voice was completely devoid of emotion; my body slowly realising what I was going to do and preparing itself for the decades of numbness that lie ahead. I went towards the path that led into the forest; not waiting for Bella to respond. It didn't matter what she would say. Nothing mattered anymore. After only a few quick steps, I stopped. I wanted to leave her within sight of her house- not wanting her to get lost. The short distance from her truck to this spot I had worked on removing any sign of emotion from my face and keeping my expression neutral. I took a deep breath. It was time.

"Bella we're leaving"

I saw her take a deep breath like myself

"Why now? Another year-"

"Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

She just stared at me; trying to make sense of my words. I glared back at her; the look of coldness I was showing was unmistakeable. It hurt me to do it, but it would help her believe me if I remained emotionless throughout; if I tried to mask the true love and adoration I felt towards her. Hopefully, it would help her to let go.

"When you say we­-"

Her voice was a whisper amongst the trees; barely audible.

"I mean my family and myself"

Each word I said, I emphasised slowly- making sure she understood. Her head started to shake from side to side; slowly, almost mechanical. I just waited. Waited for her to realise what I meant. Waited for her to realise that this would be the last night we could be together.

"Okay, I'll come with you"

"You can't Bella, where we going..." I tried to think of a way to finish that she couldn't retort to. "It's not the right place for you" Pathetic.

"Where you are is the right place for me"

"I'm no good for you Bella"

Her voice turned into a beg; it was truly heartbreaking having to watch and listen to her beg for me. I was a pitiful excuse for a man to make her act like that.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life"

Why couldn't she see? Why couldn't she just let me leave without me hurting her like this?

"My world is not for you"

The tone of my voice was grim; matching any hope of her letting go of me easy.

"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing Edward! Nothing!"

She was finally making sense, speaking the truth. Maybe, if I was lucky, it would make it less painful

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as it was best for you"

And it most definitely was not best for her now. Her birthday party had made that crystal clear.

"No! This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!"

No. I was going to have to do it. I looked down at the cold, hard ground, preparing myself for the blackest moment of my life. The very thought of what I was about to say- the blasphemy I was about to commit- made my long dead heart feel like it had been resurrected, only to be killed once by more by the darkest of words that I was going to say. I was sure that it wouldn't be the only time I would have to say the words this dark night. It would take hours of persuasion and cruel lying to make sure she truly believed I didn't love her. As I crushed the last part of me that wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go- never put her through this pain- I felt myself go cold to the very core of being. I was frozen inside. I looked up and stared coldly into her warm and loving eyes.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me"

I said each word slowly; each syllable causing more pain then I would have thought was possible at this moment. I used all my self-control to keep myself staring- glaring- at her beautiful face; making sure she truly believed. I knew she wouldn't though, I would have to repeat my words countless times.

"You...don't...want...me?"

"No"

My lie was short and lifeless- cold.

I took in the smallest breath as she looked into my eyes for the first time since I brought her here. I could see, deep within them, that she actually believed me. Shock ran through me. How? How could she believe me so easily? All the thousand times I told her how much I loved her- what she meant to me! How? A small part of me was relieved, knowing I wouldn't have to agonise over the lie again and again but the rest of me was...shattered. I felt as if I had been torn into pieces from the inside out. Causing her this amount of pain was inexcusable. I didn't deserve to live. She kept looking, searching for a contradiction. She did not find one. I was a good liar. I had to be.

"Well that changes things"

I couldn't look at her anymore. However pathetic and pitiful of me it was, looking at her in the face was...out of the question. I couldn't look and see the pain I caused. It was too much. Too much torture. I stared out into the trees instead; it was easier to talk- facing things that couldn't feel pain. That couldn't absorb my crushing words.

"Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change. Because I'm...tired-" That was true, one tiny fragment of truth that I had said this night of lies. "-of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human"

Saying her name caused a ripple of pain across my 'heart' and it almost took my breath away. I hadn't felt real pain in so long. Ironic that it would come the night I wished that I could never feel again.

"I let this go on far too long and I'm sorry for that"

Another lie. Another crushing blow of pain that travelled through me. I was adjusting to it though, holding myself together knowing that this was all best for Bella. She was all that mattered. Even if she believed I didn't.

"Don't. Don't do this"

No. Not the pleading. It was devastating. Having to reject her begs and pleas was...indescribable. I continued staring, hoping she could see that I wasn't going to take it back- however much I wanted to.

"You're not good for me Bella"

It was shameful of me. To tell her that she wasn't good for me- to lie again! She was the best thing that had ever happened to be.

"If...that's what you want"

I couldn't even speak for fear my voice would show my pain and break the whole facade. I just nodded; like a coward.

"I would like to ask one favour, though, if it's not too much"

I saw real pain cross her face; pain in its rawest form. I couldn't take that. An agony so strong, it made me want to...fall apart. A pain like hers flickered across my face but before she could identify it, I once again made myself cold and unloving.

"Anything"

Her voice was slightly stronger. That was good. If I was lucky, she would do exactly what I asked. I let the love I felt for her back into my eyes and felt warm again as it flooded through me. I gazed deep into her chocolate eyes, forcing her to listen and absorb what I wanted her to do. I had passion back.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

It was crucial that she understood that. If anything happened to her. I held in a shudder. I would have no hope of surviving if she were gone- the prospect of living in a world without her...unbearable. My never-ending love couldn't let me do that. Love. I had to make sure that she thought I wanted her safe for another reason rather than to keep myself surviving. If she knew that I wanted her safe, then she would realise how truly and deeply I loved her. I couldn't have that. It would be easier for her to move on if she thought I had- a ludicrous possibility. Life without Bella. As soon as she left this world, I would as well. I composed myself back into the mask of hatred and removed the love from my eyes.

"I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him"

It was of the upmost importance that she thought I didn't care whether she was safe.

"I will"

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on living your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I would remove every trace of myself from her life. Photos, gifts...memories. I smiled gently as I told her that

"Don't worry. Your human- your memory is now more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind"

"And your memories?"

Why did she still care? Why couldn't she just let go? Why?

"Well-" How could I make it so that she believed I would get over her? "I won't forget. But my kind...we're very easily distracted"

I smiled as I thought of the probability of thinking of anything other than Bella. She would be my every thought, my every breath, and my every action for the rest of my existence. I stepped back; physically distancing myself from her.

"That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again"

I knew her well enough that she would automatically think of my sister; of Alice. I shook my head; it was almost as though I could hear her realising that nobody was coming back. Nobody would say goodbye.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye"

"Alice is gone?"

Oh Bella. Yes my love, she has gone like I will do so shortly.

"She wanted to say goodbye but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you"

It hadn't been an easy thing to do.

I was finally calm, I had found a numbness to mask the pain that was within me and would never go. I could cling to the numbness and be at peace. It would hopefully save me. I was..eerily peaceful- knowing Bella would now be safe without me. It made this suffering that much easier.

"Goodbye Bella"

"Wait!"

Her voice sounded choked and she reached out for me. I reached out too, taking her warm skin in my grasp and wanting nothing more than to take it all back and pull her close to me. I couldn't though. I gently put her arms to her side. One more kiss, then it would be done. She closed her eyes as I pressed my lips to her forehead for the last time. I closed mine briefly as I inhaled her sweet scent, felt the softness of her skin and listened to the gentle and steady thrumming of her heartbeat. I savoured the moment, preserving it into my memory. She was calm, she was still, and we were both at peace.

"Take care of yourself"

It was the most important fact. As long as Bella was safe and alive, I could cling to this life. I could force myself to live as the empty shell I could become. I turned away and ran. Away from love, away from life, away from meaning. It was all over.

That was the first time I have ever tried to write really sad and angsty so dont be too harsh. Anyway, I would really appreciate some reviews/feedback on what you thought- even if you think I got it totally wrong =)