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The war was over. Alverez was defeated, and the world could heave a sigh of relief.
For the former criminals in Crime Sorciere, the end of the war meant one more thing: full pardons.
The members were shocked, to say the least, but none refused the queen's decision, wanting to respect her intentions to reward them for their efforts across the war and in general to atone themselves. In the end, they even asked her if they could be so bold as to request a favor.
So, in the end, they were all pardoned. Even Ultear Milkovich, who was still technically classified as missing.
"Honestly, you guys…" Ultear shook her head after hearing about her "pardon". Currently, she was situated in a modest shack that had been used to house the injured while the war was going on. Officially, she was an injured child kept there while her parents were being found, which made for a good cover story given the number of new orphans added to Fiore.
Fidgeting nervously before her were one Meredy and Jellal. Reluctantly, Ultear had conceded to Erza's wish to inform them of what happened to her. She'd wanted to be kept hidden for longer, if possible, but Wendy had been insistent that she let them know, especially after hearing about how she left them. So, just a day after the pardon and hearing the news (which had occurred before they were aware of where she was) Erza secretly informed the members of Crime Sorciere on what occurred between her and Dimaria on the battlefield. Unsurprisingly, the only two people who wished to see her were Jellal and Meredy. It was for the best, as most of the other members had been...less than accepting towards the end. She still winced when she thought of what she did to Sawyer all those months ago. She hoped he did not take his failures too much at heart.
"You didn't have to ask to pardon me too...no one would have suspected who I really am, even if I remembered my full name. I'm practically dead already."
"I'm glad I asked anyway, now that we're all back together. Ultear…," Meredy's face appeared both on the verge of joy and of tears. "...I'm just so glad you're here again. I never thought I'd be able to talk to you again, er, not like this anyway."
"It is good to see you Meredy." Ultear's smile was warmer than it had been in months. She didn't have to pretend about that fact. She looked at Jellal and nodded. He stood up straighter at that. He seemed a bit more at ease than usual, although he looked at her with hesitation. Ultear almost laughed when she first saw his expression upon walking into the room where she was. Evidently, he'd probably initially thought Erza was playing a prank on him when she explained the situation. He really did make the most interesting faces.
Ultear cleared her throat. "So, as you two heard, I regained all my memories from before and helped out on the battlefield. I'm fully recovered from that event, and since you two were told of my fate, I wanted to discuss something with you." She looked up at them expectedly. "Mainly, the future."
They both shifted at that word. She didn't wait for them to speak again. "I know it is a selfish ask, but after thinking it over many times and finally letting Erza explain to all of you about me; this is the decision I've come to. I want to rejoin the guild."
Gasps. "Ultear, we couldn't-"
"Why?"
The adult turned toddler sighed. "I...do not feel as if I have fully repented yet. Yes, we have helped people and corrected some of our wrongs, but there are still many things left to do. Just because I am like this now is no reason to give up on all that. Even all of you, who was also pardoned, are still going to continue with the guild, yes?"
"T-That's different, we're-"
"Erza said that you had no magic left." Meredy froze. Did Erza only mention this to Jellal? "Wendy explained that you used Third Origin on yourself. How are we supposed to care for a member that is not only a child but also has no way of protecting herself?"
Ultear looked down at her hands grimly. She could still but faintly remember the power that flowed through her veins at the use of Third Origin. Even after several weeks of bed rest and time, there was no longer a drop of magic in her. She knew what would happen if she used it, and while she did not regret her decision, it did, unfortunately, limit her. "There are ways to fight that aren't magic, I can learn all the martial arts again. Instead of my magic, I'll train my body from scratch, and hone my mind, so even with my disadvantage I can still be of use to you guys."
"And how long will that take? Right now, you're just a kid, and I don't know if you remember, but the people on this team weren't exactly accommodating of that last time. That was before you knew anything as well." Jellal stared at her, eyes cold. She didn't back down from his gaze. She ground her teeth in frustration.
"I have skills now that can still be useful. I may have a child's body but my mind remembers all the things of an adult. Surely while they wait I can compensate with something else."
"That won't be enough. You'll have to work twice as hard to get everyone's approval again, and even then, you'll be exhausted every day, no doubt collapsing and then restarting all the complaints lauded against you the first time."
"That was different! I didn't know any better, I had no memories, no knowledge, only this body! At least consider the possibility before shutting it down!"
"There is no possibility, it just isn't happening."
If Ultear didn't know any better, she would have considered throwing a tantrum. What stung the most is that Jellal wasn't even wrong, she just couldn't justify carrying on like everything was normal when she remembered so much. It wouldn't be fair to get a new start, as a new person essentially, while the rest were pardoned but still lived with the weight of what they'd done by society.
Just as she was about to open her mouth to argue some more, a knock came at the door. Without even bothering to wait for a reply, the door opened moments later. A man with two-toned hair and bright red eyes strolled inside. "I couldn't help but overhear everything. You're not really considering coming back after that big fiasco, are you?"
"Wha–Why are you here?" She cried.
"Titania did tell all of us, I just chose to hang back at first."
"You could have warned us a bit before coming in!"
"I did knock, don't you forget. Anyway, I still think you're thinking too hard about all of this. Ultear..." he stared at her with his eerie red eyes, and she had to stop herself from blushing. The embarrassing memories of her clinging to him, calling him 'dad" and generally being sweet...wasn't he embarrassed by all that too? If he was, he didn't show it as he spoke. "Maybe this is in poor taste right now, but you really need to just get over yourself."
Ultear froze, eyes locked on him. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, and please realize this is one hundred percent hypocritical, but you need to stop beating yourself up over remembering so you can 'atone' and whatnot. It's actually physically painful to look at you insisting on joining back up with us when all it will mean is that you're killing yourself a second time."
"Then what am I supposed to do?!" Her voice cracked in a high-pitched squeak at the end. Ultear cursed her toddler body more than ever. Now it really was like she was having a tantrum. "I can't just forget, so I need to do something about it!"
"That's not true."
She was stopped at those words. "What?"
"There is a way...you could forget. Or at least, your memories could certainly go away just as easily as before."
What was he saying? "I don't understand, but you've got a lot of nerve to suggest such a thing to me."
"Oh, I do, don't I? Silly me, I thought maybe you would want to avoid dying before the age of three due to a dark guild ripping your oh so pitifully weak and childish body apart. Although, if you do find the more fitting punishment to live to a ripe old age then be my guest." The venom in his voice was palpable. She resisted the urge to flinch. He genuinely thought her better forgetting than dying because she was fighting for forgiveness. How could he–
"Ah, Macbeth. Is this the thing you were talking about before we arrived here?" Meredy piped up. Ultear looked at her blankly. She didn't appear angry at him, or even very annoyed. Instead, it was an expectant look in her eyes. Macbeth huffed in response.
"Erik reluctantly asked him about it for me, but yes, he could do it. He knows quite a bit about her, so it wouldn't be all that hard."
"What. What wouldn't be hard?"
He gazed at her, then looked away, scratching his head. "There's a guy who used to be on the Magic Council. His specialty was memory magic. He said he'd be willing to edit your memories to make it so you don't remember any of your previous life."
"And you seriously asked him to do this? Without even talking to me first?"
"He won't do it if you don't agree to it, there'd be no point in it otherwise. But the idea was always to offer it to you, and strongly suggest you do it."
Ultear couldn't decide if she was madder at the mysterious memory mage or Macbeth himself. She settled for him just so that she could glare fiercer. He didn't seem particularly intimidated. Curse this toddler form!
"...Meredy, I understand you two talked about this, but I just can't–" Before she could finish, Meredy had stepped in front of her and gently grasped both of her hands. In contrast to Macbeth's unfeeling gaze, her red eyes were filled with warmth as she stared at her.
"Ultear, do you remember when we left you at the Mikan House?"
"Huh? Er, well, yes."
"Giving you up...was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life so far." Her voice grew small, reminding Ultear of the child she picked up so long ago. "I pushed off making a decision for so long, that by the time I needed to it was almost too late, for you, and for everyone else."
"All things considered, I'm not surprised most people didn't like me. I'm sure it was hard being the only one sad about me being gone."
Meredy smiled. "Actually, to tell you the truth…," she suddenly winked, "someone else shed a few tears as we were leaving."
Macbeth instantly reddened but didn't object to her statement. Ultear opened her mouth in surprise. So he could feel embarrassed after all.
"The point is, despite that pain, I still went through with it, because the people there made me realize." She paused to swallow before continuing, "If you'd stayed with us...it wouldn't have been a future we could eagerly look forward to."
Ultear sat perfectly still, her hands still in Meredy's. Her adult hands far bigger than her toddler ones, their positions reversed from the day she grasped Meredy's after taking her to Grimoire Heart. The person kneeling before her was no longer a scared child, but an adult in her own right. It was almost frightening to see the level of composure on her face.
"So I'm asking you, because I don't want to force you to do anything, but just to consider it. I think, even if it is the more painful option, it might also be the one that leads to the most happiness."
"...I would forget all about you."
"Yes."
"Everything, not just from before, but all the times this past year, when I wasn't quite myself."
"Yes, I understand that would need to be done."
"Would you," Damn, now she could feel herself tearing up, "forget about me too?"
Meredy's breath caught in her throat. "...No. Even if you forget, I'll never forget about you, Ultear."
"T-That's not fair...you'll carry all that with you by yourself. It's not fair!"
"I won't be the only one," from behind her, Jellal and Macbeth looked directly into her eyes. They both gave small nods. "I'm no longer alone, so I won't share it alone, just like you'll never be alone, even if you forget. I'll keep trying to atone and make the world a better place...so someone like yourself can live freely."
Memories of childhood, good and bad, past and present, looped through Ultear's mind. Wasn't it giving up, to forget? Wasn't it the coward's way out? After she realized her mistakes, she never held the thought of trying to find her own happiness, as doing so would have been selfish to the people she'd hurt and the people still struggling. There was no place for thoughts of herself, no opportunity to reach out and grab a different future than walking through the darkness towards the light.
Is what she would have thought, perhaps, had a part of herself not faded off after the use of Third Origin. Who was to say who she really was, now that a part of her was gone forever? Was she even the same person anymore, or just a collection of two different bags of memories, spilling into the same bath, but not fully congealing together?
And...most distressingly, did it even matter anymore what the actual answer was?
"I...can do nothing but think right now anyway. So...I can consider the idea. It is not a promise, one way or the other!" Ultear's voice cracked dangerously as she spoke. She held back tears that had been on the edge since Meredy started her persuasion.
Her once mother figure's expression softened dramatically. "You're still way too hard on yourself," Meredy pulled her into a hug, catching Ultear off guard. "I don't think that will ever change, no matter what happens to you."
Ultear pretended the other two weren't there as she sat her face on Meredy's shoulder and cried silent tears.
That night, Ultear lay in bed and thought. After the fact, Meredy and Macbeth had explained everything they knew of involving what would happen in detail. Those two really did get along far better than they admitted, she thought with a smile.
It reminded her...of what she heard Mikan say once at the house. About finally realizing another person's needs is when you become a parent. It was clear that Meredy wanted Ultear to stay with her very badly, and probably on some level resented the idea of her leaving again, this time for good. Yet she went through all the trouble with Macbeth to offer a solution that would leave Ultear a clean slate. There would be pains on both sides, but Meredy's would inarguably be greater. Is that what it meant to be a parent?
Ultear tossed and turned in the night, her body and mind tired beyond belief but unable to come to a definitive conclusion before they finally fell asleep.
A week later, Ultear was set to meet with Meredy again. Jellal had temporarily relocated the guild to just outside of town; he still couldn't quite stomach the fact that they were more than welcome now wherever they went. Everyone else was busy with various preparations on where they went next, leaving only Meredy available to see her today.
Ultear gulped nervously. It was time. Time to announce her decision.
With it, her fate would change dramatically, and possibly not always for the best. But it was something that was hers, and hers alone to make the final call. She hoped Meredy wouldn't hate her for what she had to say.
And, more than that, she hoped she could honor one final request.
