It was almost a quarter to two in the morning when Elsa got back home; nodding off in front of her car wheel like a daredevil. After eighteen hours of stress, five hours of which were willingly self-inflicted, she was ready to collapse on her face and sleep until the next year.
Elsa blindly stuck the key through the ever elusive keyhole, missing a few times, and it wasn't until she was twisting the knob did the blonde woman realize she was staring at the back of her eyelids. She opened her eyes and blinked tiredly, pushing the door open and stumbling inside with a sigh. Her hands reached up to wipe the exhaustion from her face, pressing the heel of her palm against her heavy, teary eyes. Two meetings in one day, and not a damn thing done for the Weselton accounts. Her temper was almost at its limit, and she had a hard time keeping herself calm while listening to her boss' inane opinions.
Feeling a headache come along, Elsa decided to forget her work worries as she stepped through the entrance to their apartment, and closed the door behind her.
There was a time and place for work. Home usually was not one of them.
"I'm ho–"
Elsa bit back a yelp, her feet stumbling over themselves in an effort to step over Anna's hi-tops without snapping her heels in half. Growling to herself, she kicked the muddy footwear away with an irritated vigor. She hated how Anna always left them in the middle of the foyer – probably in an effort to kill her older sister while making it look like a freak accident. Nobody suspected murder by shoes.
She squinted through the darkness of their apartment, blinking at the reflection of the city lights, filtered from their windows. She could hear the muted whirring and beepingof automobiles passing outside. There was no sign of the usual aggressively loud music blaring from the living room, or Anna's room, which made Elsa wonder what her sister was up to. The redhead always studied with her music on in the background, so the silence probably meant the redhead was in bed early for once.
Elsa shook her head, quashing whatever sadness she felt after she realized they hadn't had much time to hang out with each other lately, barely sharing sentences that weren't a variation of 'good morning' and 'good bye'.
She blew an exhausted huff of breath through her nose, determined to keep her stress levels low by keeping all of her problems far from her mind.
Right now, all she wanted was a bed, and her sister Anna.
Elsa froze, snapping open her eyes wide in stark realization.
No. Not in that way. That's not what I meant.
The blonde woman bit back a curse and leaned against the corridor with an annoyed hiss, pinching the bridge of her nose where she felt the ache from her brain was sharpest. She took a moment to compose herself, loosening her shirt's collar before continuing further into the house, her shoes clacking in steady slow beats. Elsa flipped a few light switches on, flushing her shiny wooden panel floors with dim yellow lights. Looking around her apartment thoughtfully, she undid the knot of her cheery blue tie and draped it over her shoulders. The first few buttons of her shirt was next, twisting the shell-colored clasps free with a flick of her wrist.
Their apartment was a mess.
Of course it is.
She didn't mind the empty pizza boxes on the table, or the soda cans and junk food littering the living room area. A dinner-sized box of gummy bears. An empty bag of Rizzles chips. A billion cans of red gull. She didn't mind those at all, and was determined to tidy up tomorrow evening if Anna was too busy with school. What she couldn't stand to see was the sight of her sister. Or rather, her sister sleeping in a very uncomfortable position – surely that can't be good for her spine?– her face flat on the messy coffee table as she laid slumped on the surface like a guppy out of water. If Elsa didn't notice her sister's every twitch here and there, she would have thought the redhead was dead. Anna snored against the table, making Elsa rub her hand over her face again when she noticed the puddle of drool all over its frosted glass surface. Her textbooks, which surrounded her in a messy circle, resembled a destroyed city; buildings which used to tower in varying heights of university-related subjects all toppled over like rubble.
"Oh, Anna."
Studying her slumbering sister, Elsa waited for a spike of fury to flare up and make her teeth gnash in her rage. The kind of fury sisters usually felt whenever their younger siblings got a bit too rowdy with their possessions. Of course, Elsa felt none of that. Instead, an overwhelming rush of fondness caught the blonde woman off guard, rekindling the strange feeling of butterflies fluttering in her stomach.
She was supposed to be the older one. She was supposed to feel angry and self-righteous. But instead Elsa was trying to keep an amused smile from invading her face.
For a brief moment, Elsa allowed herself to recall fond memories of her and Anna, back when they were still young and close. Just for a while, Elsa allowed her barriers to break, letting herself taste those sweet moments again before she had to file it away.
Anna hardly looked like an angel while she slept, her mouth open, drooling, and her hair a veritable birds nest. But the way her long lashes brushed against her cheeks as she slumbered made Elsa bite her lip to keep herself from cooing. The clothing she wore for bed did very little to cover her skin, and Elsa tried not to think about her cotton tank top riding just below her bra, and the stretch of hard-toned flesh hidden underneath.
The two-bit brat looked so cute.
Elsa took a few cautious steps forward, biting her lower lip warily, her eyes never leaving her sister's form. She was asleep. Anna didn't have to know.
This year Anna's choice of sport was baseball, which left her younger sister's arms and calves amazingly sculpted, but Elsa's eyes and heart were always drawn back to Anna's well defined abdomen. And behind the haze, which seemed to fill every corner of Elsa's eyes with fog, she felt her fingers twitch and her mouth salivate, and she had to stop herself from walking up to Anna and–
God, but that ridged plain beneath Anna's chest was the peak of unholy temptation. Elsa both loved and loathed whatever deity made Anna so athletic. Her participation in sports had always left her with such an impressive (sexy)and defined (lickable) set of abs, and a figure which never seemed to lose their cut shape, no matter how many pizza boxes Elsa counted while entering their home.
Last year, during Anna's freshman year of college, she participated in wrestling. Elsa had had to excuse herself from attending any of Anna's tournaments for fear of doing anything a sister should never do. Luckily she managed to cite being too busy with work, a tactic which proved fruitful until recently, but now that Anna lived with her Elsa couldn't run away. It was both a blessing and a curse that their parents needed to save money on a room and board for Anna. Sending Elsa through school had been expensive enough, and they practically begged their oldest child to allow her sister to stay with her.
Yeah. Elsa should have said no. That simple two letter word was something she said out loud in her sister's face numerous times without flinching…
Do you wanna watch a movie with me?
Wanna hang out with me today, sis?
It's snowing – do you wanna build a snowman, Els?
Are you gonna come visit us this month?
This time, however, Elsa saw that the future of her baby sister depend on her, and she couldn't say no. She should have, but she couldn't.
And when Anna moved into her home, a very tense couple of weeks bled into days where they did simple things like talk about work, friends, and life in general while eating meals together. They even had a movie night at one point. Elsa saw them slowly settle down into a sense of familiarity. One which they both thought could never exist between them anymore, not after all that hurt and heartache.
And just like that, Elsa thought they could be happy again. She thought her less-than-sisterly feelings for Anna had finally subsided, and she was going along happily enough to forget about it for a while.
But before long, her heart started skipping along with Anna's sweet laughter. Her charming smile, the impish twinkle in her eyes, never failed to make Elsa shamelessly stare at her as if the redhead were better than a chocolate truffle. It only became apparent later on that, instead of fading away into non-existence, Elsa's feelings never went away. They might have even grown stronger in Anna's absence. Self-control was pipe dream.
Being away from Anna for so long had turned their reunion into a bittersweet reconnection, but she guessed the honeymoon was over now. Elsa grinned bitterly at the ironic term. She thought she could handle her feelings. Obviously she thought wrong.
Elsa could already feel the beginnings of an unbearable heat grow inside her, accompanied by a wetness in her panties which made the blonde woman rub her thighs together in discomfort.
Before she could compose herself, Anna suddenly started from her sleep, toppling one of her teetering book towers into a messy heap. She ignored the tumbling volumes, not noticing the few which fell on her lap, and smacked her lips, her eyes blinking sleepily. Elsa chuckled to herself when she spied Anna's drool-covered cheek, which the redhead tried to wipe away with the back of her han. Cute.
As if waking up from a dream, the blonde woman's smile faded from her thoughtful face. She crossed her arms in her chest and cleared her throat, squaring her shoulders in hopes she would look as intimidating than she felt. Anna's eyes lifted towards the sound, then narrowed when she saw Elsa towering above her.
With her shirt hanging open, no less, revealing her lacy, front-clasped bra, and her tie dangling over her shoulders.
"Nice… tie."
Elsa doubted she was talking about her tie. Not with the way the redhead's eyes kept darting between Elsa's face and her chest.
The blonde woman flushed and turned away, closing her shirt over her half-naked front with a fumbling gesture unlike her usual grace. "Anna." Elsa's fingers fumbled over the buttons before she finally gave up. "You're up late," she murmured coolly.
"So are you," Anna retorted, almost falling over herself when she tried to stand, still half asleep. The redhead rubbed her hands over her face with a groan, combing her fingers through unkempt hair. The bags under Anna's eyes looked ridiculous. Elsa hoped she wasn't pushing herself too much. "You were supposed to come home hours ago. What time is it? One? Two?"
"I was at work."
"Um, duh. When are you anywhere besides work?" The question was obviously rhetorical, with Anna's petulant stare and puckered lower lip. Elsa could only allow one kind of response.
"Where else would I be?" Cold. Detatched. Conceal. Don't feel."They needed me out there."
"Maybe sometimes you can try coming home early, maybe? Once in a while? Or is that too much to ask? I need you here too."
Elsa felt her breath hitch in her throat, but she managed to keep herself together. She turned on her heels again, this time heading towards her bedroom, "I'm not in the mood for this, Anna. I'm tired, okay? Clean up a bit and go to bed, please; we can talk in the morning."
"Great. Just great." Elsa heard her sister release an exaggerated huff, slamming her books around and making as much noise possible in the guise of cleaning her things, "There you go, hiding away in your room again. Running off and leaving me here to clean up our mess."
Elsa couldn't resist calling back. "Technically, it's your mess."
"Oh, you know what I mean." Anna's angry movements grew louder. Elsa guessed her less than stellar sleep timings were making her more of a grump than usual, but at the same time she couldn't refute the fact she had something to do with Anna's foul mood lately. Their busy schedules clashed against each other in more ways than one, and Elsa knew it was only a matter of time until someone's temper short circuited eventually. She was determined to not let that happen tonight, if she could.
So Elsa, too tired and weary to argue with her sister, kept her mouth shut and said nothing more.
Elsa opened the door to her bedroom and slid out of her pencil skirt after unzipping the clasp. She stepped out of her tight apparel; kicking it away into a corner. The blonde woman began to slip off her white blouse, not knowing a presence appeared outside her door, standing frozen while she did about her nightly rituals. Anna stared at the blonde woman with her eyes smoldering bright, gnawing at her lower lip with an expression that was hard to read. Elsa almost jumped, startled when she noticed Anna standing awkwardly by her door; shamelessly taking in the sight of her older sister's half-naked body as if she was trying to decipher some complicated hieroglyph tattooed on her skin.
"Anna!" Elsa squawked, almost tripping over her heels. She hugged her arms over herself, a poor effort to cover her less than decent attire, "What are you doing?"
Anna finally averted her eyes, a slight blush blooming on her cheeks, yet she didn't bother to leave Elsa to her business. "I don't want you to keep running away from me." she muttered, her pouty lip jutting out, as petulant as her low tone, "Why do you keep shutting me out? I thought we were okay now?"
"I'm not shutting you out." Elsa said, groaning internally, "And we've always been okay."
"Sure you aren't, and surewe have." the redhead crossed her arms in front of her, the expression on her face turning uncharacteristically stony, "I wake up with you hightailing it outta here, leaving me alone with cold eggs and burned toast. You'd think, since we live together and our rooms are practically a foot apart, that we'd get to see each for more than fifteen freaking minutes in a day. But nope. Of course not."
Elsa sent her sister a sour look, throwing her tie and pencil skirt haphazardly in her straw laundry basket, "We can hang out during the weekend, it's no big deal."
The redhead snorted and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest, "You mean when you go out on a date and make out with some guy, while I spend the rest of the night with myself?"
"Hey, it's not as though I don't want to be with you– "
"Please, don't give me that bullshit excuse, sis."
"Anna–"
"Just say it. You don't like me anymore, right?"
"No. What? No. How can you think that?"
"You don't love me anymore?"
"Of course I love you. You're my sister."
"That's not what I meant." Anna huffed, her face flushing red from her rage, and from something else which Elsa didn't want to ponder anymore, "You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Don't." A pained look crossed Elsa's face. One which she smothered instantly with a cold expression, "Just don't."
"I never forgot about that. I don't think you have, either." Anna said, "In fact, I think you remember everything we used to have. The things we used to do together. The things we felt, back when we were together. I get it's the reason why you pretended that you 'hated' me. It's why you left home…" She hesitated before reaching out for Elsa's hand, "But Els, it's doing more harm than–" Before Anna could touch her, Elsa grabbed her younger sister's wrist, and kept them from popping her personal bubble.
Elsa tried to ignore the hurt on Anna's face.
"Don't do this." What would people think? Anna's life, her dreams to play sports; her hard work, her colleagues – everything would be ruined if Elsa caved in and allowed this to happen. "We can't do this." She couldn't. She was too weak willed, too blind with want; Elsa didn't know what would happen if they got close again.
Anna ignored her sister's cold words and took a step closer, raising the hand Elsa had restrained and brushing her fingertips over Elsa's delicate cheek. "I miss this. I miss you. Being able to reach out and touch you." Before Elsa could respond, Anna took another step forward until there was hardly an inch of charged air between the two sisters. "We don't have to be lovers anymore. I'll be happy just being with you."
Elsa could feel her own heartbeat in her ears. She could feel it vibrate through every inch of her body as she remembered their past. Her true feelings for her sister, and every unfortunate thing that came with it.
It was the kind of feeling that once left her giddy, breathless, afraid, sad, and angry at the same time. And just like that, just like every day, Elsa could feel herself falling again. Her memories resurfacing, turning into real palpable emotions.
"You know we can't do that." Elsa whispered, "We can't go back to being just sisters. Not after that."
"We can try."
"I can't."
"Why?"
Elsa felt as if she was in a dream, mesmerized by a pair of sea-blue eyes seducing her. Coaxing her out of her hiding place, and making her forget all the shame and guilt she felt back then. Making her remember what it felt like to be in love. "Because of you…"
Anna moved to close the gap between them, running her hands down Elsa's arms as if she was possessed by the same demon who was keeping Elsa from pushing herself away.
"Please."
Anna's whispered word sent a cold shiver down Elsa's spine, and sparked electricity through the nerves of her skin, making the blonde's stomach clench with need.
"No." Elsa knew her voice was choked and high, abandoned as she was by her cool exterior in the face of her inner heat, "Stop."
"Why not? We can try, can't we?"
Elsa closed her eyes tightly, sucking in a short breath and trying to calm herself down. "We're sisters, Anna." That was right. They were sisters; born from the same parents under the same roof, in the same room. They grew up together, played together, shoved birthday cakes in each other's faces, shared toys and clothes and even secrets about each other's crushes. Elsa helped raise Anna. She couldn't be responsible for sullying that relationship, not again.
"Please. I want–" Anna cupped her sister's face, the softness in her voice countered by a frustration which hardened her words, "I want you to kiss me like you used to. I just – I need a little contact. We don't even have to–" Anna's breath hitched and Elsa could hear the sob in her throat. "Right now, you're not even my sister. It's like you're a stranger. We don't even know each other anymore."
She was right. Elsa felt herself deflate. Was this worth ruining their relationship over for?
The blonde woman set her jaw; blue eyes, hardening like raw ice, flicked back up, as if to mock Anna's hopeful expression. In an instant, Elsa's tone of voice changed.
Anna was right. They didn't know each other very well anymore.
"How do you know what you need?"
"I know what I feel. I'm feeling it right now."
"Of course you do." Elsa pried her hands away from her sister's grip, pushing her palms against Anna's chest in defiance. She struggled to swallow what felt like a painful ball of nails down her throat, and resisted taking her sister's hands back into her own and letting Anna in her bed tonight. Wincing at her thoughts, Elsa braced herself; "And you knew what exactly you felt with Hans, didn't you."
Anna gaped at her sister, taking a shaky step back as though Elsa had slapped her.
"Excuse me?"
"Following him around wide-eyed? Doing everything he asked, even if he hurt you? You're still a child, Anna. A kid. Naive, inexperienced, and clueless –" Elsa said, "So please, for the sake of your dignity, stop pretending you got me all figured out."
Elsa wasn't surprised when Anna responded with the same level of venom she spewed, "Oh here comes the Ice Queen, high and mighty on her throne with the absolute biggest icicle up her ass. As if you're not hard to figure out in the first place; you think I didn't notice you drooling over me when you thought I wasn't looking?"
"Why do you think I ended things before they even really began? It was a moment of weakness, back when I was a horny teenager, but I'm not that person anymore." Elsa hesitated, but then narrowed her eyes, steeling her resolve, "And I'm definitely not that desperate."
"Ugh." the redhead, shaking in her fury, threw her hands up and laughed bitterly, "I can't believe you. You're actually pulling that bullshit in my face, as if you're the angel around here." Her lip curled up into a sneer that had Elsa's heart thudding painfully. "As if I don't know about you whoring yourself out to assholes who had more dick than a personality. You go around pretending you're picture perfect, but truth is you're just a big fucking coward."
Gritting her teeth, Elsa tilted up her chin and clenched her fists, staring down at Anna. "You are such a –" she spluttered helplessly over her words, "Bitch."
The room itself seemed to reverberate from their screaming; the two sisters circling each other like oversized predatory cats, ready to tear each other apart bloody without rational thought. All Elsa could see at that point was red, filling her vision like the fire in her veins, poisoning her true feelings. Her heart felt as if it was being squeezed mercilessly by a huge fist, forcing it to pump more oxygen in Elsa's troubled brain. It almost felt like she was flying. Watching the scene unfold outside her body like a helpless spectator.
"It is not bullshit. I'm not a coward, and you are deluding yourself, Anna. I've never loved you that way, and frankly I don't know what to think or feel about you anymore, because – you're acting like such a bitch. A vindictive little bitch who is throwing a tantrum because I won't let you have your way. I may not be perfect, and I may not get everything I want, but I actually work hard for this family." Stop. "Maybe you're looking for attention because you've always felt like you were second best, the spare daughter, but this is definitely not the way to get it." I need to stop. "Maybe if you actually did something with your life, mom and dad would be proud of you."
Elsa knew at once she had gone too far. The anger in her sister's eyes made her knees lock up, but it was the look of devastation which made the blonde woman come undone. Anna's cheeks were red from both fury and humiliation, and before Elsa could stop her, the redhead sobbed and fled Elsa's room. The blonde woman could hear her run through the apartment, from her room to the hallway. Her sobs growing louder despite their distance. Elsa heard her fumble with the latches on the front door. And last of all, she heard Anna slam it so hard, Elsa swore she felt the impact vibrate under her feet.
And just like every night, Elsa was once again alone and miserable in her apartment.
She was such a fucking fool.
—
When the sun came streaming through the window in Elsa's room, the blonde woman groaned and rubbed at her bloodshot eyes with the back of her hands. She hadn't slept at all. Between crying for what seemed like hours and waiting for her sister to come home, she hadn't been able to, spending the night in a fugue state.
Obviously Anna hadn't come back, and Elsa felt like slapping herself. She was an absolute idiot, and a fool for thinking she had to do whatever it took to 'protect' Anna.
What a fucking fool.
Her words were an accident. Elsa knew in her heart she didn't mean them, but her stupid-ass attempt to protect her sister turned into a false show, and all she did was add salt in Anna's wounds. Elsa knew better than to blame it on their circumstances. Everything was her fault.
The blonde woman threw her blankets aside, still in her underwear from last night which were now rumpled. One of her bra straps had slipped down one shoulder, and she was feeling grimey all over, but all Elsa felt she could do was question the ceiling.
What the hell was she going to do now? How was she going to fix everything? A part of her believed it was impossible. She once believed her relationship with Anna had to be destroyed first, then rebuilt again, and Elsa didn't know if she had the heart or courage to do that anymore. And if she was being honest with herself, she was frightened of what kind of relationship she and Anna would build together in the end.
Elsa shook away that train of thought away, hugging a pillow against her chest, and nibbled at her lower lip. She couldn't lay around, uselessly waiting for Anna to return, and she tried not to think about what she would do if Anna never returned at all. She had to call off work, and figured she might as well keep her hands busy and her mind occupied for the moment.
Throwing her pillow off to the corner of her room, Elsa breathed in deeply, rolled out of her bed, and got to work. Deciding to wear something light, Elsa picked an oversized, long-sleeved shirt and a pair of used pyjama pants to help her start her day. Usually she wouldn't be caught dead wearing something that had a stain in it, but the blonde woman found she didn't care much for cleaning herself when she felt dirty all over.
Even keeping busy scouring their filthy apartment didn't take Elsa's mind off the argument. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, she knew everything Anna said was true. Elsa's face flushed, trying to keep her mind focused on shoving cans into a large trash bag. The older woman was ashamed to admit she had been like a dog in heat indeed, lusting after her own sister. She tried to suppress her feelings by dating a few guys, even bringing some of them home, parading them in front of Anna at times, but it had been an altogether futile endeavor. She was never interested at all, and she easily compared it to drinking a bitter pill in hopes it would cure her sickness.
The few moments where she couldn't run away from Anna were excruciating. She loved her sister, the kind of love that made her gnash her teeth and squeeze her legs together. She always caught her eye wandering, or her thoughts playing around in the gutter, no matter how hard she tried not to. But Elsa did enjoy her time with Anna, even if they weren't doing anything special. She just wanted her sister back.
Elsa knew pursuing a romance with her would ruin things between them. Anna would get bored. They'd have a lover's quarrel, or they'd get tired of each other. And before she knows it, family reunions, and conversations with mom and dad would be awkward forever. It would impossible for them to be sisters if something went wrong.
Did she have the courage to take that risk?
Elsa focused on cleaning the mess in the living room first. And once she lifted their sofa's cushions, she already found a few things wedged underneath.
A couple of Anna's textbooks, crinkled and forgotten from her studies last night. Smoothing the pages of the book at the crook of her arm, she grinned when she realized at least every page were decorated with at least three colors of highlighters, and the indecipherable scribbles of her sister's handwriting.
And like a curse, Elsa remembered every hurtful word she said during their quarrel. She felt her legs grow weak, and she slid down to sit on the floor, staring at the book. Turning it in her hands thoughtfully, she contemplated how hard Anna must have been working all week. Her mind summoned memories of her sister beaming in pride whenever Elsa expressed how proud she was. And no matter how scarcely Elsa showed her love, Anna never complained, yet Elsa had the gall to call her 'second best'. A spare.
Jesus, what a joke she was.
Elsa laughed to herself, bitter in her thoughts. She wiped the heel of her hand over her cheek, fresh new tears sliding down her chin before she could do anything to stop them. A sob wracked her small frame, and before Elsa knew it she was crying over her sister's things like a spurned lover.
Who was she kidding. Elsa already fucked up so badly while trying to avoid her true feelings.
Anna could be anywhere right now. Hell, she could be lying in a ditch somewhere because Elsa drove her away. The blonde woman's breath grew shallow at the sudden thought. It struck her like lightning, leaving her cold and smarting from the cruel realization. She snatched her phone from the side table and gripped it tightly, staring at the object, wondering if she was allowed to call Anna.
Why was she having second thoughts? Of course she had to call her. Elsa couldn't leave things like this, she had to do something other than crying over spilt milk.
She had to know if she was safe. If she was okay.
She had to talk to her, even if Anna didn't want anything to do with her anymore.
Placing the book on the floor by her knees, she unlocked her mobile phone and opened up a new message. Her fingers froze over the keys, but Elsa shook her head and scolded herself for faltering, knowing Anna's safety was more important than dealing with her own shame.
'Are you okay?' Elsa grimaced and deleted the text the moment she finished typing it, deciding it was a stupid question that probably wouldn't be given a response.
'Are you safe? You have every right to hate me but please let me know you're alright'That wasn't much better, but the urgency she felt didn't allow her time to word things perfectly. She sent the message before she could regret it.
Waiting for a reply text or a call proved too stressful for Elsa, she decided to continue cleaning until she figured out a way to bury her head in the living room carpet like the idiot she was. The blonde woman already dusted half the living room when her phone rang, and with a start Elsa's hands were already cradling the phone as if it was a holy heaven-sent object from christ. The feather duster in her hand fell by her feet, but she couldn't care less, and Elsa blurted out a loud "HELLO ANNA?" before she could stop herself.
"Elsa, this is –"
"Kristoff? Kristoff I need your help." Elsa said, "I don't know where Anna is and I'm freaking out. She and I got into a huge fight and she ran, and now I have no clue where she is or if anything happened to her and –"
"Elsa –"
"And she's my responsibility but… but of course she's more than that, she's my sister and I love her and I haven't been showing her how much I care, but it's true. I really do love her a lot. I do care, and I'm afraid it's more than I should love her you know? But I can't help if she really is amazing and I told her–"
"Elsa –"
"I told her that she was second best and just the spare and that's just not true. I was an idiot, and I'm sorry. She works just as hard, if not harder than I do, and I haven't been supporting her and all and I'm just a joke who runs away from her problems and Anna deserves so much better–"
"ELSA!" Kristoff's sudden outburst startled Elsa into silence. He cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Sorry, it's just, you and Anna, you guys start yammering on and on and it's hard to get a word in."
"I'm sorry," Elsa whimpered, clutching the phone to her face. "I'm just really worried–"
"Anna is here. Don't worry, she's safe."
Elsa froze before heaving a sigh of relief. She was almost near tears when she managed to speak, "Oh thank god. She's really there?"
"She's literally sitting right next to me." He paused, then began to speak as if he was regarding a third party: "If you want to know what she's saying, why don't you talk on the phone?" Another pause. Elsa gnawed at her lower lip, ignoring the sting she felt from the abuse, "No? Then buzz off!"
"Thank you so much Kristoff. I'm sorry you got tangled in the middle of this. "
"It's no problem, really, you just owe me big time." He chuckled then squawked indignantly. "Stop poking me, please. Oh really? You're really going to make me be the messenger? Are you – you're really writing this down? This is so dumb!" Kristoff heaved a heavy sigh and Elsa could hear paper crinkling before he began speaking in a strange, high pitched voice. "'Dear Elsa, I'm really mad at you –'ow! What? That totally sounds like you! I know this is serious, but you didn't have to punch me, you little brat." He cleared his throat and began again, this time in his normal voice but with a slight lilt. "'But I am fine. I'm at Kristoff's and I'm going to stay here until I am done cooling off.' Don't worry Elsa, I'll make sure she's back home tonight. I don't want her sleeping here. Yeah, you heard me. And don't give me that look."
Elsa let out a laugh that was more of relief than amusement.
"I just," she shook her head, feeling herself fall on the couch behind her. Elsa sighed, pressing a hand over her aching forehead, "I just want to tell her I'm sorry. For everything."
Kristoff replied after a slight pause, his voice softer as if to calm the other woman on the other line, "You guys just need some time apart, that's all." he said, "To think and regroup. She'll be alalright. You'll both be all right."
Elsa took Kristoff's word for it.
She spent the rest of the day wandering around aimlessly in their apartment, wishing time would go faster as she watched the hands of the living room clock tick. Around late afternoon found the Elsa asleep on her couch, her heart heavy with worry and her fears. Her sleep was a restless one, and when Elsa woke up, felt a shudder wrack through her body, the nightmare which caused it already fading away.
The fact that it looked darker outside, with the sun casting a dimmer orange glow through the curtains, made Elsa realize she slept almost all day today. Even if she figured her body finally caught up on sleep, Elsa still felt miserable she didn't do anything else to get Anna back. Leaving Anna to stew on her own was all she could do, and the blonde woman knew she was helpless overall. Punished to sit on her posterior, waiting for the future to bite her.
She groaned, running a hand over her eyes, trying to keep a headache down before noticing her phone blinking on the coffee table, followed by a soft musical beats It vibrated quite a few times before she stopped staring at her phone stupidly, and realized what the noise meant.
Anna.
Elsa snatched it up, noting the time before frantically checking her messages.
To her relief, it wasn't Kristoff.
'Still not ready to talk talk but I didn't want to come home blind either. I have a few demands.'
Elsa blinked, rubbing the heel of her palm over her eyes, wondering if she was misreading the name of the sender.
"Demands?"
'You have to actually communicate with me. You can't run away when we actually talk. You have to be fuckinghonest'
'Promise?'
The blonde woman stared at the words for a minutes, letting them sink in her mind. She was already typing out a response before becoming aware of what she was saying; her face stony, with a focused pout beginning to form on her lips.
'I can accept these terms,' she wrote, 'but I don't know if you will like the results.'
The words hardly portrayed how terrified she was of what their future conversation would hold. How it would begin; how it would end. And, depending on her choices, Elsa knew this was her last chance to get her sister back. Elsa hugged her phone against her chest, teeth worrying the corner of her lip – this is what she was trying to avoid in vain for years.
In every conclusion of her imagination, Elsa seemed to keep imagining Anna leaving her forever. But sometimes she imagined Anna coming back to her as a sister, whenever she allowed hope to cloud her judgment. And during those lonely nights, when Elsa endangered herself to dwell on forbidden things, she allowed herself to imagine Anna coming back to her as a lover.
Her phone wasvibrating in her hand.
'It's way fucking better than what we're doing now'
"Good point." she whispered, huffing when she realized speaking wasn't an option for them in this case. Steeling herself, Elsa paused before writing her next message:
'I'm sorry. For everything.'
…
'Me too'
Elsa felt herself deflate after reading those two words. At least, she thought, Anna didn't seem too mad at her. Not after everything she said last night. She winced just thinking about it, nibbling on the side of her thumb and curling into herself on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest.
'It's been so hard to deal with things since you shut me out.'' Anna's message continued, 'Not just us, but with school. With mom and dad…'
'I was trying to make things easier.' Even her excuse sounded hollow in her head. How embarrassing that, as the eldest sister, she made even more mistakes, instead of repairing the damage that had already been done, 'I thought I could fix things for the both of us.'
Elsa fell back into the couch, combing her fingers through her hair. She stared up at the ceiling, and glanced worriedly at her phone when she realized her sister did not reply. Holding it up over her head, the blonde woman began to write another message:
'I messed up so badly–'
To her relief, a long message greeted her tearful sight. Elsa sniffled, wiping her nose under the cuff of her shirt's sleeve.
'It was just, like – we had been so close… Closer than sisters normally are…'
Elsa remembered those days. Moments lying under the clouds, laughing at shapes, or playing in the gardens together. Messing with dad's junk in the garage. They seemed so in-tune back when they were children, people almost thought they were twins. The two only saw it as an oddly intense love for each other.
There is no Anna if there is no Elsa.
That's what their dad used to say.
Sniffling, Elsa blinked back tears and set her teeth, forcing her mind to read the message before losing her head in past memories. She sat back up and crossed her legs under her. She held the phone on her lap, squeezing it in her hands as if it would chase the tears away.
'But I still loved it anyway. Loved being so intimate. Not even intimate because we were… y'know… We were just inseparable.
'And then you suddenly pulled away and I felt so empty.'
"Lonely." Elsa heard herself say. She tenderly caressed the face of the phone with her thumb, and for the first time in years, felt that special connection with her sister spark like kindling under the scrutiny of a magnifying glass. She allowed herself to look away for a moment, managing to calm herself and sway her endless tears. She reached over to the coffee table, and plucked some tissues from a box. The phone beeped and vibrated as she was wiping her cheeks dry.
'Remember when we were kids? We used to tell each other all our secrets? You were my best friend.'
Elsa smiled, 'You were my best friend, too, not just my sister.'
'So if we did that before, maybe we can do it again as adults, right?'
The smile on her face fell, 'There are too many unspoken words between us.. I don't even know where to start.'
'We'll have all night? All weekend? All our lives if you let me in, right?'
Let her in?
Back to being close, and movie nights. Back to talking about boys. And other girls. They could talk like normal people again, without any walls or doors between them.
'We can be a family again.' Anna's message said.
Elsa never realized she had lost her family until today. Until this moment when she noted how the quiet apartment, and being left alone, was something she was already used to. And unlike how the thought usually comforted her, she instead felt a growing pain and sadness in her chest which refused to go away.
Another buzz snapped her from out of her thoughts.
'I want you to be with me, Elsa.'
And what did she want? What did her heart desire most?
Elsa felt her breath hitch upon reading the next sentence glaring at her from her phone screen.
'I love you.'
She could almost hear the tone of voice Anna was using, to say that. The one which begged Elsa to surrender herself. Forget about her worries, her troubles and doubts and just allow them to be.
'I love you too, Anna. I want you.'
This was their chance. Elsa could almost feel a weight lift from her heart as she took a breath and centered herself. She can have a family again, and stop trying to avoid her parents, her sister. She can –
'God, Elsa, I've wanted to hear those words from you for so long. I wish I was there so I could feel you against me.'
Wait.
Wait.
She reread Anna's text and all her calm evaporated. She hadn't meant it that way! Her phone rang cheerfully, Anna's smiling face appearing on the screen and juxtaposing Elsa's sudden and intense panic. No no no no no–
"Hello?" Why did she answer the phone? Was she an idiot? Elsa kept herself from smacking her forehead, settling on gnashing her teeth instead and folding her legs against her chest like some gangly security blanket.
"Elsa, I – "
"Anna, you –"
Elsa's teeth snapped shut, and silence followed shortly after. The blonde woman listened to the soft static, and the sound of her sister struggling to say something more than broken words on the other end of the line. She was probably anxious, yet happy at the same time, Elsa didn't know what to do next. She felt herself frozen in place, and for once in her life she didn't have a plan to follow.
"Do you really mean it?" Anna asked, "Do you really want me?"
Anna sounded so broken and small, but at the same time so hopeful – Elsa didn't know if she had the heart to break what was left. The distance between them only allowed Elsa's imagination to take precedence, and she imagined her sister – her little sister – vulnerable and waiting for her to finally tell the truth.
What could she do? This was her sister, her family, and she didn't want to hurt her even more – but would telling her the truth help, or be an even deeper wound? Could she bring herself to tell Anna what she really wanted?
Communicate. Don't run away.
Be fucking honest.
"Elsa?"
"…Yes."
There was nothing but silence on the other line.
Elsa held her breath, her heart beating much too loud in her ears. She tried to shut out the million reasons flying about in her head that what she had done was a mistake, that Anna would run away and that she would lose her family forever –
And then, Anna laughed. A low, humorless chuckle, followed by a longing sigh, "I wish we hadn't done this over the phone." Elsa could hear her short breaths as they hitched in her throat, could hear the barely held back tears in Anna's voice, but also the immense relief. "I thought you forgot about me."
"I – I would never –"
"It really hurt a lot, you know. When you brought all those guys back home." Elsa froze and Anna went on, her voice shaking. "Eugene. Phillip. Eric. Even Kristoff. You'd shown them so much of yourself – sometimes got so close I thought you were drowning in them. And I'd hear you scream in your bedroom sometimes, when you thought I wasn't here… You thought you were alone, but I heard everything. I thought you'd found a new family in them, thought you were in your own little world now. I thought you forgot about me," she repeated, her words gaining an edge, "Aboutus. When I heard you scream, I wanted to be the one touching you. The one giving you happiness, pleasure. I wanted you to bemine," she growled, the sound of obvious frustration and need for relief thrumming through Elsa's nerves and squeezing into her heart. "Mine alone."
The sudden change of Anna's voice made Elsa grip the phone in her hand tighter, and she was reminded of impatient, groping hands a couple of years back. Whispered words while they merely kissed and fumbled the dark like the children that they were, and many moments of tension shared between them. It almost felt like being deep underwater, sinking low and struggling to swim in the pressure, with their past weighing on her head like a distant reminder tethering her to the surface.
"Mine to hold. Mine to kiss. Mine totouch."Anna whispered, so quiet Elsa had to strain to hear. "I wanted you to want me."
"I've fantasized about touching you." Elsa barely recognized her own voice as it choked out from her throat, pushing past her resistances with the overwhelming force of the heat churning in her stomach. "I've wanted to feel you inside me. But I couldn't, and –"
"Your voice is shaking."
Her body was burning. Everything inside her felt impossibly hot, yet she was shivering.
"We can't do this. You know that, right? We – we can't, Anna."
"I don't think we have any choice, Elsa." Anna said, after a moment of silence. Elsa swallowed something bitter and painful down her throat. She set her teeth, and clenched her hand into a fist on her lap. The blonde woman couldn't help but nod to herself. She was already feeling faint and dizzy and a low buzzing filled her hearing.
And through the ringing of her ears, and the painful squeezing in her chest, "I want you." Elsa bit her tongue, feeling her upper body rise and her chest expand as an imaginary weight lifted off her back like a feather. The words came in a flurry, the truth falling from her lips unexpected, but not unwelcomed.
The static grew louder and Elsa wasn't sure if it was the phone or her own mind shutting itself down.
"You'remine."
A shiver traveled down Elsa's spine and exploded into a spark of heat between her legs at the sound of Anna's gruff claim. "Anna," Elsa murmured, unable to say anything but her sister's name, wanting to say it over and over like an obscene mantra.
The breathing from the other end of the phone grew heavy. Elsa almost jumped when Anna whispered, "Gods, Elsa."
Elsa had heard that breathless gasp before. Those words. She could see Anna with a sudden clarity in her minds eye, the beautiful redhead with her eyes hooded and staring, chewing her lower lip, face flushed with want. A face she couldn't touch, and not because of her damned morals this time.
"Anna, come home." the blonde woman pleaded, burying her face in a couch pillow and willing herself not to scream into it in her frustration. "Please, come home now."
But Anna didn't seem to hear her, and from her end Elsa heard cloth rustling, and she imagined her sister shifting her body in bed. The image of which made her center throb; the blonde squeezed her legs together, abashed.
"Does it hurt?"
Huh?"Does what hurt?"
"That place between your legs."
Elsa's pussy clenched from her sister's words. She could feel wetness leak from her core down her thigh. Her fingers twitched, yet she was frozen on the spot. "A-Anna?"
"Tell me?"
"… I'm wet."
"Wet for me?"
"My panties feel soaked, and warm." She could feel the thin clothing rub against the juncture of her thighs, breath hitching from a discomfort she didn't know she craved.
"Do you want to touch yourself?"
"I…"
"Please."
Elsa's hand ghosted above her crotch, keeping her hips from bucking into her palm. The heat below her belly was becoming too unbearable to control, and with a soft mewling noise, Elsa resigned herself to her weaknesses and held on to Anna's every word.
"Run your hands down that gorgeous body of yours. Pretend I'm with you."Anna's voice was low and hoarse, her breathing heavy.
A quiet whimper escaped Elsa's throat and she leaned her head back on the armrest of the couch, her eyes squeezing shut and her hips rocking slightly. Her hand slipped beneath the hem of her panties, her fingertips brushing over her mons, combing her fingers through the fine, wet hairs as she parted the slit of her pussy.
"How wet are you, Elsa?"
Elsa's fingers slid inside her with ease, soaking the pads of her fingers with evidence of her want. She could hear her digits squelch within her folds, meeting every gush which dirtied her knuckles, "Fuck, Anna," she groaned rubbing her thumb and forefinger together and feeling them slip against each other, coated with her musk, "I'm so fucking wet."
She could hear Anna's clothing rustle from her end, and the blonde woman wondered if her sister was doing the same as she. Elsa bit her bottom lip at the thought, feeling her face flush red all the more.
If Anna was touching herself. If she was imagining Elsa with her, touching her.
"You feel so good, sis." Anna sounded breathless and winded. Her voice quivering over the phone receiver in soft puffs of white noise that made Elsa almost feel her sister's breath tickle her neck. "So warm and wet."
And god, she was. Elsa responded with a loud mewl, her mind too far gone to express her mounting arousal with words.
The dirty thoughts of their little make-believe only made the blonde woman desperate for release, and she spread her legs further apart, plunging her fingers deep inside her cunt and caressing the upper walls of her slick inner-flesh, pretending she was touching Anna's pussy in turn.
The blonde woman rolled her hips, chest rising and falling; blonde hair mussed over her forehead glistening with sweat. Gasping into the phone pressed against her ear. Thrusting her hips like a wanton whore when she started penetrating herself harder under Anna's winded prompting. Above it all, Elsa could feel the weight of her sister's voice nestle and thrust against her between her legs; moving inside her, fucking her, pressing her hips down against the couch as if her words were enough to create a palpable presence of her person.
"You're doing good, so good, baby."
"God, Anna, please," What Elsa was pleading for she didn't really know.
"Elsa… I want… "
"What?" she asked, desperate and breathless and so fucking close. Elsa closed her eyes tightly, her body growing taut like a bow string. Elsa had to remind herself to keep breathing, a scream tickling the edge of her tongue, the sound broken by whining sobs. Her hips drew up sharply, fingers working herself faster. Elsa could smell herself now. She could feel her palm greet another flush of wetness from her pussy, and with a whimper, the blonde woman felt the roaring fire in her belly make her inner walls twitch around her fingers and –
"I wanna kiss you."
Her fingers, buried knuckle deep in her pussy, stopped. And with much difficulty, Elsa pulled her digits away with a frustrated growl, thrusting her hips in her body's desperate attempt for completion.
"Stop." Elsa said. She must have sounded harsher than she would have liked, since it barely took a second before Anna released a noise of confusion.
"What?" Anna asked, clearly winded. Elsa bit the corner of her lip when she heard more clothes rustling from her sister's end.
"Just stop."
The redhead took a while to react, and Elsa didn't hear any other movements, aside from hearing Anna forcing herself to calm her breath.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No." Elsa said, before Anna could finish her question, "You did everything right."
The blonde woman stared down at her wet fingers, watching her juices cling to her skin. A spark of mischief appeared in her eyes, and quite noisily– Elsa slipped her dirtied forefinger in her mouth and suckled. Making sure Anna could hear, exactly, what she was doing to herself. She slid her finger out her lips, nibbling the tip, sighing. "Come home." Elsa said, "If you want to kiss me. If you want to fuck me, I want you to come home right now."
Silence from Anna's end. All Elsa could hear was white noise, and a soft hitch of breath.
"I'm on my way."