One thing that the trio clearly hadn't considered was that they were in fact, in London, and when in London, there's bound to be a ridiculous amount of traffic.
"This is bullshit, The funeral will probably be over by now," James whined, sticking his head out of the car window - looking at the miles of cars in front of them. "Don't worry, they're probably having one of those fancy funerals, it'll be going on all day," Lily said reassuringly, putting a hand on James' shoulder in an effort to try and calm his nerves. James tutted but he stopped fidgeting and placed his hand over Lily's.

Remus peered knowingly at the two, a small smile on his face as he watched Lily's face burn scarlet, however, he agreed with James, they needed to escape this traffic.
"Are we ever going to move?" Remus said, tapping on the steering wheel impatiently.
"Okay, I admit that I really need to pee, I'm basically pregnant with pee," Lily adds, leaning back and grabbing her stomach like it was a pregnant belly. James laughed, shaking his head at Lily fondly. However, Remus paused, glancing over at the pretend pregnant Lily, beginning to cook up an idea.

"Wait, Lily, say that again," Remus asked, turning around and giving Lily a mischievous grin.
"I really need to pee?" Lily repeated, sitting back up and looking at Remus suspiciously. Remus laughed and shook his head, "No, no, that other thing." Lily looked at him quizzically, but answered, "I feel pregnant. With. Pee?" Lily repeated slowly, but this time it clicked, as she looked back at Remus with a similar look. James, who hadn't quite clocked it yet, waved a hand in front of the two, bringing back the attention to himself."Uh hello? You two are doing it again! Can you Scots read each other's minds or something? There's still a very confused Englishman here!"

The pair laughed, but Remus turned to James, pointing out of the window to a road worker, who was sitting alone in his truck.
"Go and tell that worker that we need to get out of this traffic because we have a pregnant woman in labour." James immediately caught on, and he smiled, climbing out of the passenger seat and across the road. Remus, once again, thanked the world for James Potter.
"Right, get our clothes from the boot and stuff them up your top… Oh and look in pain!" Remus said, and Lily grinned before turning back to grab some clothes.

After ten minutes of driving and laughter, accompanied by a very convincing performance of screams of pain from Lily, the three were finally outside of the church. "I can't believe that actually worked! You're mental Moony!" James laughed, as Remus parked the car on the very busy street outside of the church.
"Lily's the mental one, if I didn't know better, I'd be driving you to the hospital as we speak," Remus said, looking back at Lily - who was grinning in pride at her outstanding performance. "That poor lad's face, he looked grey and all," Lily giggled along, pulling out the last of the t-shirts she had shoved up her top. The three laughed along but abruptly stopped as if they had all just remembered why they were there in the first place.
"Is this it then? God, it's huge, what are they? millionaires or sommet?" Lily said, and James laughed a tuneless laugh.

"Well, technically, yes - they are…" James said, and the last of Lily's smile was wiped off of her face.
"Listen, guys, maybe I should just go in by myself-" James began chivalrously, but Remus rolled his eyes at the man.
"Now's not the time to be a hero Prongs, now's the time to tell us anything we need to know about this bonkers family he's got," Remus said calmly, sensing the anxiety that was radiating from James.
James sighed and leaned back, dragging a clammy hand through his constantly dishevelled curls. "Right, so basically , the Black family runs the biggest oil industry in Britain, and they just happen to be one of the oldest and most old-fashioned families." James sighed but continued, still not meeting their curious eyes.
"And when I say old fashioned, what I really mean is racist, homophobic, sexist… Well basically, everything ending with an 'ist."

Lily nodded in sympathy and flashed Remus a worried look - which he returned with a similar stare.
"Sirius had been trained his whole life to believe in that shit, and to one day inherit the business from his father, but obviously - Sirius didn't meet their standard of bigotry, being gay and all," James said, meeting their eyes finally before continuing.
"Anyway, so when Sirius came to Hogwarts, which was our boarding school, we became best friends, and to nobody's surprise - Walburga and Orion Black weren't exactly chuffed with their son being besties with a brown, first-generation immigrant scouse twat whose dad was actively working on a court-case to sue Black Inc..." James said, smiling to himself like he was reliving a cherished memory.
"So what happened then? How did he manage to escape them?" Lily asked nervously.

"It was in our fifth year of school when we both went home for Christmas - they… They tried to get him to sign the papers to take over the business, and well - they used every form of abuse to try to get him to do it," James said, his face twisting in anger. "Thank god he didn't though, he managed to get away - and we've been living together ever since."
Remus felt a surge of sympathy and affection for Sirius, he understood perfectly what it was like to run away from home, he was glad that he had James, Remus couldn't have imagined what would have happened to him if he hadn't had Lily.
"So Regulus is his brother?" Remus asked, and James nodded. "Yeah Reg was his younger brother.." James corrected, looking guilty.

"So he hasn't seen them since.." Lily asked,
"..Since they almost beat him to death? Yes," James answered, a morbid laugh escaping him.

Remus looked back up at the church and then back at James and Lily, realising that time was running out. "Well, what the fuck are we doing in here then? Let's go get him." Remus said, unbuckling himself and stepping out of the car.

Sirius pulled once again at the stiff collar of his shirt, an action so nostalgic it made him want to run away and go hide away in a cubby-hole like he'd done for the majority of his childhood. However this wasn't just some random pratty dinner party or suspicious 'business meeting', this was a funeral. His little brother's funeral.

He shook his head quickly, trying to shake any thoughts of his brother, choosing to look around the church instead, remembering how much he hated being here. It reminded him of the hundreds of hours he had spent every Sunday sitting on a rock-hard pew, listening to some old duffer mumbling about God's plan and how everything he felt, thought or did was a sin. He shifted around on the pew he was currently sitting on, trying not to resist the temptation of turning around to see the burning stare of his mother, who had been scorching glares into his back for the last twenty minutes.

It would be lying to say that he hadn't felt at least some satisfaction when he walked upto the doors of the church to greet his mother and father politely whilst everyone from the entire family watched them shake hands with their sinful, disgraced and utterly homosexual son.
"Walburga, lovely to see you again! - thanks for the invitation by the way." Sirius grinned, loving seeing his mothers lip wonderfully quiver as the anger boiled within her.
"I don't recall sending you one." His mother responded, quickly pulling her hand back from him, almost as if it had been badly burned.
"How strange... Must be that dementia setting in, better watch out - I hear it's permanent."
Sirius didn't stick around to hear her response, as he quickly fled to the nearest pew.

Sirius tore his eyes away from the tapestry of an oddly muscular Jesus splayed on a cross to focus back on the funeral. The man was still droning on, reading something biblical. It made Sirius want to scream, get up and exclaim "Reg fucking hated church, Reg didn't give a shit about any of this." But of course, he couldn't - he had to sit on the stone-cold pew and stew bitterly about a brother who deserved the world but ended up living in hell.

"Don't blame yourself, Sirius, it wasn't your fault in any way. Do you hear me? It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

He wanted to believe what Andromeda told him, he really did, but it's not that easy is it? His little brother killed himself. How was he supposed to not blame himself? He left him. He left Regulus in that hellhole. Sirius left him, that's what really killed Regulus.

Sirius blinked rapidly, begging the tears to stay and not spill, he didn't want anyone to see him like this, never mind his parents. He longed again for James, which made him feel stupid, and childish again. He felt just like that scared 15 year old who turned up on the Potters doorstep, bruised, abused and desperate for a hug. Sirius suddenly thought of Remus, awkward, gorgeous and utterly clueless about who the hell Sirius was. It was nice, Sirius thought, to not have someone just see him as a Black, and instead see him as someone else, as just Sirius.

Sirius wouldn't let himself hope though, Remus would flee as soon as he found out who he really was, who his family really was.
"Master Black?" A gruff voice called, snapping Sirius out of his pity party, seeing his family's housekeeper, Mr Kreacher, who was standing at the end of the pew, calling for him. He glanced around the church, seeing that the funeral was still very much in action.
"Master Black, Mistress Black wishes to speak to you." Kreacher repeated, walking away before Sirius could reject the offer. He figured that it wasn't really a request, it was more of a demand.

Sirius sighed, not wanting to make more of a scene, Regulus hated conflict, and he wouldn't have wanted it at his funeral, on his day. So he stood up, and awkwardly squeezed past everyone in the pew, muttering his apologies as they all tutted and sighed.

Sirius followed Mr Kreacher down the aisle, all of his family watching him with disgusted eyes, he felt small again, like the last ten years of his life had gone. That was one of the things he hated most about his family, they made him feel small and worthless.
After completing his walk of shame, he pulled back a velvet curtain to the back room of the church, his heart racing as he saw the silhouette of his mother, who was looking out of a window disapprovingly at the media below, who were crowded around the church entrance, their cameras ready for any snapshot of the Black family that they could get their hands on.

"Don't stand there with your tail between your legs Sirius, come greet your Mother," Walburga said sweetly, turning around to face Sirius with a sly but threatening grin. Sirius felt himself bristle under her stare, her piercing grey eyes boring into his soul. "Forgive me Walburga, but if I remember correctly, the last time we spoke you beat and disinherited me," Sirius replied, his tone matching her sickly sweet one. Walburga's smile wavered for a moment, the rage building up behind her threatening stare. "Now why would I do that? Don't be so silly, I'm glad your back from your little… Holiday." Walburga exclaimed, and Sirius felt a shiver as he realised exactly what her true motives were.

"This idea is even worse than the pretend-pregnancy-labour-fuckfest one." James moaned, tugging at the apron around his middle.

"Hey, that got us out of the traffic didn't it?" Lily said, batting James's hand away from his collar.

"And do I have to wear the bowtie? isn't the waiter uniform enough?" James whined as Lily finished tying the contraption. "All the other waiters are wearing bow ties, you're no exception," Remus said sternly, swallowing back his smile at James in the stolen waiters uniform.
"I don't see why we can't just go in without me having to wear this," James whined again, pouting at Lily who was biting back a fond smile. "Because Prongs, the media have the front surrounded, there's no way we would be allowed in," Remus repeated. James sighed and crossed his arms childishly because Remus was right.

"So instead you want me to go past the media pretending that I'm some rando server that's late? Then come and open the kitchen door for you?" James said, running through the plan that Remus had pitched while giving him a sceptical stare. "Exactly! Ugh, he has beauty and brains!" Remus proclaimed sarcastically, grabbing James and giving him a loving noogie, ruffling his messy curls. "Oi! Paws off Lupin, watch the hair for god's sake!" James groaned, escaping Remus's clutch and attempting to smooth down his now even more chaotic locks. "Using the lord's name in vain Mr Potter? And whilst in uniform?! You scoundrel!" Lily added, imitating an extremely posh London accent.

James scoffed but smiled, fixing the ridiculous bow tie around his neck and sighing. "Okay team, let's go find our boy," James announced, walking away towards the pavement away from the alley the three were all standing in. "If I don't open that door, assume I'm dead and head back up to Scotland," James called, waving dramatically and walking out into the busy street. Lily let out a giggle and turned to Remus with a determined look in her eye.
"One day Remus, I'll marry that boy."