Well, for the most part, I'm happy that so many people like this story. So far, we have two votes to bring in Elmer and one vote for each of the girls. The voting for Elmer's inclusion will end after chapter 3 and the voting for the girls will end after chapter 6. So please vote. Ten votes will decide.
"Well, let's start the next chapter." Kushina says as she starts up the next episode/chapter.
Loud snoring was heard coming from a small room within an apartment complex. It was surprisingly powerful, considering that the door to the room curved inward with each inhale and then curved outward with each exhale. The snorer was none other than our resident redheaded teen who was sprawled out on his bed.
"Ha! I remember you doing that the few times we would sleep in the same house." Bugs says to Daffy. Daffy just grumbles at that while the others laugh.
His leg was twitching every few seconds, he had a puddle of drool on the sheets he slept over, and a cloud was seen attached to his head. Within the cloud, there were little scenes of the teen performing some of his more insane pranks and the reactions that resulted from them. It was a hilarious montage, considering that a certain Snake Mistress was seated in a chair with a bag of popcorn as she watched and snickered at the various scenes, taking care not to wake up her charge and ruin the show.
The others are laughing as well, especially a certain redheaded mother whose laughter was the loudest.
The Uzumaki snorted, making the cloud turn into vapor as he stirred awake while Anko was left pouting. As soon as he sat up on the bed, she bopped him over his red locks and made him eat the sheets.
"Only I get to knock some sense into my sochi!" Kushina says while her hair starts to form nine tails. Anko nods while cowering in fear of the upset mother. "Your mom is scary when she wants to be." Bugs whispers to Naruto who nods in agreement.
"Damnit brat, I was watching that!" She yelled, getting a muffled reply from the teen. "I don't care if you can't control when you wake up! You ruined my show!" Another muffled reply followed, making her gain a tick mark. "Oh, I'm being overdramatic, huh?"
"I wonder what my other is planning?" Anko says with a thoughtful look.
Grabbing him by the scruff of his white night shirt, she hefted him up and carried him to the kitchen before slamming him into a chair at the table. She gave him a look that dared him to move before she got to cooking in the kitchen. The redhead grew paler and paler at the growing scent before the dish was presented to him:
"What dish is it?" Everyone asks at the same time.
Steamed vegetables.
"GET THOSE EVIL VEGGIES AWAY FROM ME!" Naruto shrieks out while cowering behind Kushina who was cracking up from laughter. "What's wrong with veggies?" Bugs asks while pulling out a carrot to eat.
His eyes became pure white in horror as he tried to get up and make a break for it. However, Anko was faster and used ninja wire to hold him in place, making him struggle to get free. It was no use and his face comically drained of all color as Anko held a spoonful of veggies to his face.
"Oh Kami, you're killing me!" Kushina says through her laughter as she soon fell on the floor.
"Gonna take it back?" She asked while waving the spoon threateningly.
"Never!" He declared as his mouth zipped shut and a padlock appeared to lock it shut.
Her tick mark returned, along with two friends. "Oh, you're not getting out of it that easily, you little brat!"
Outside the apartment complex, bystanders and passerby people heard sounds of scuffling, female yells of rage, and male yells of fear. They also heard explosions, blows being dealt and…
"And what?!" The others ask in anticipation.
"MOOOOO!" *CRASH!*
…a cow.
Finally, the door opened and Naruto, in his normal clothes, sped out as if he was being chased by the hounds of hell…and those hounds were in the form of his irate sister hot on his trail. On the way out, he sped past a silver haired Jonin, causing the force of his speed to blow away most of the man's clothes save for his boxers and his facemask.
"Oh, that's hilarious!" Everyone shouts before falling on the floor in laughter.
Anko slowed to a stop as she approached the man, took a look at him as he was left frozen in surprise, and then promptly fell on her ass in a fit of laughter that made her forget everything else that had occurred. The shocked man finally rebooted his thoughts before he left in a swirl of leaves, desperately trying to figure out what the hell had just occurred.
"Oh Kami, I can see Kakashi doing that." Both Kushina and Anko say at the same time while cracking up.
Back with Naruto, he was still running at high speed with a visible force of speed and wind surrounding him as he rocketed through the village streets, making the air currents pick up with the force of a mid-rank wind jutsu. He finally figured that he was in the clear and began to skid to a stop, leaving a long black trail that began to crack from the pure force of his momentum.
"I can see RR doing something similar if he ever stops on a dime." Wile says with a smile.
When he finally reached his stop, he sighed in relief and looked back to his mark on the roads. Humming in thought, he formed a clone and pulled out some measuring tape, having the clone snag the end tip.
"I wonder how long that skid mark is." Porky says thoughtfully. The others all wonder the same thing.
The clone nodded and sped off to the origin of the mark while the original redhead read the measurement. "One hundred… and…eight feet. Not bad," he stated with a grin before both the tape and the distant clone left in plumes of smoke.
"Wow. That's quite the skid mark." Bugs says with a nod of acknowledgement to the whiskered blonde. Naruto just smiles back in pride.
The teen took a look at his surroundings with his blue slitted eyes. This was the only visible side effect of the Kyuubi breaking his mind, and she commented on how it added appeal to his normal look. His sclera were a natural white, his irises were a deep purple, and the slit pupil in each eye was a bright, almost glowing, blue. Naruto liked how "cool" his eyes were while Anko noted that they'd be great for intimidation.
"I have to agree to that." Kurama spoke up getting a smile from Naruto and Kushina.
To his luck, he had arrived at the designated training field that his possible sensei told him and his possible teammates to meet at. Grinning at his unintended success at arriving first, he dug into his vest pocket and pulled out a scroll labeled "ACME" before he sat down and unrolled it across his lap.
"Oh, for all that is funny." Wile says while facepalming with a groan.
"Now, let's see what I can build today."
Uh, Naruto…?
He rolled his eyes and replied, "What, voice in my head?"
You do realize that ACME has always had faulty merchandise… right?
He shrugged and kept looking. "Maybe, but who's to say it won't work in my favor when the faults occur at just the right time?"
Do you realize how utterly stupid that sounds?
"To you, it does since you lack my insane mentality! But to me, it makes perfect sense!"
Ugh… You know what? I give up. Do as you please, but don't blame me when it blows up in your face.
Naruto nodded to himself and kept browsing while his two teammates arrived to the field. Shino moved over to some bushes to let his bugs try and find more for his internal colony while Ino moved over to the redhead to look at the scroll over his shoulder. She had a look of confusion when she saw that it was filled with labels that had the company name ACME on each one.
"None of the stuff that I've gotten from ACME has worked right." Wile says lowering his head in sadness. The others just pat him on the back.
"What's ACME?" Asked the blonde.
"A company I've done business with before. They're rumored to be faulty by some people," he began before looking up with a frown, confusing Ino, and continuing, "but I've been lucky with them so far."
"Lucky my foot." Wile says while pouting getting a few chuckles from Bugs.
She shrugged and sat down next to him, looking at the scroll with him and asking about a label whenever it looked interesting to her. Shino had also sat down, but across from them, and greeted his redheaded teammate. Naruto greeted back politely, since his mind was more focused on the scroll than any insane antics.
"I wonder my other is gonna pick." Naruto says thoughtfully getting hums of curiosity from the others.
By the time Kurenai had arrived – about fifteen minutes later – Naruto had put away the scroll and was lounging against one of the training posts while Ino was checking her supplies and Shino was communicating with his female beetle. "Good morning," she greeted.
"At least she doesn't have Kakashi's tardiness." Anko says with a grin while Naruto nods in agreement.
"Good morning, Yuhi-sensei," returned Shino respectfully, as was normal for members of the Aburame.
"Good morning, Kurenai-sensei!" Cheerfully greeted Ino. She was pleased that her sensei was one of the better known kunoichi of the village.
Naruto gave a lazy wave as the large white hat that looked more western was tilted down over his eyes. "Yo, sensei."
She didn't even bother to ask where he got the hat that she had definitely not seen him wearing just a second ago. "So, we are here for your true Genin Test. Fair warning that this test has a 66% fail rate. That means, at most statistically, only one of you has a chance at passing." Ino visibly gulped in worry, Shino frowned thoughtfully, and Naruto raised the hat's brim above his eyes so that he could look directly at the Jonin. "In the Hidden Leaf, we only accept those who rise above the challenges and prove themselves to be valuable assets and members of the village's Ninja Corps. As such, not many actually do pass the tests which led to the high failure rate."
"Is that true?" The toons asked the ninja who nodded to show that it is true.
She let that sink in to them, pleased to see that she had their attention; even Naruto's. After a few moments, she pulled a small scroll and tossed it to Shino, who caught it with ease.
"That seems pretty harsh if you ask me." Bugs says with a frown. "It may be harsh but most Genin think that being a ninja means fame and fortune, rescuing princesses, and saving countries from evil tyrants." Naruto says getting a snort from Kurama. "You rescued three princesses and saved two countries from evil tyrants so you have no room to talk." Kurama says in retaliation.
"In that scroll is a set of instructions that I want you to follow. The goal for you three is to see the mission completed and follow the directions fully." They nodded and the other two gathered around Shino as he opened the scroll. "When you three feel as if you've finished, then return here. You all have until 2 pm to finish."
"I wonder what the tasks are." Everyone wonders at the same time.
She then left in a swirl of leaves, leaving the Genin-to-be to read over the scroll. Shino read the directions aloud. "First, the team is to locate and retrieve the white stick of the monkey king's son."
"Really? Riddles?" Everyone groans at that.
"What the hell does that mean?" Asked Ino.
"It's a riddle," Shino stated. "We need to decipher it before we move on."
Naruto meanwhile took the scroll and read through it while the other two tried to work out the riddle. There were four directions to follow, and they were:
Locate and retrieve the white stick of the monkey king's son
Steal the treasure of the lazy dog
Sabotage the twin guardians
Damage the pleasure of the snake queen
"Oh, HELL NO!" Anko shouts in outrage at the last one scaring all but Kurama who ignores it.
He frowned at them all, his mind working into overdrive to try and figure it out. As he thought out the riddles, Kyuubi took note of dozens of little chibi redheads looking over stacks and piles of paperwork on a large table. She chuckled at how each one tried to offer an answer, but was immediately shut down when the answer ended up being overly ridiculous or just plain stupid. It went on for a while, with one clone even sent to a corner with a Dunce Cap for an incredibly stupid idea, before they finally got most of the answers.
"What's the answers?" Everyone asked in curiosity.
The first answer was to take Sarutobi Asuma's cigarettes, the second was to steal one of Hatake Kakashi's porn books, the third was still unsolved, and the last… The chibi redheads all gulped in fear, faces pale at the answer. The fourth order was to mess with Mitarashi Anko's dango.
"NOBODY MESSES WITH MY PRECIOUS DANGO!" Anko practically snarls in rage at that scaring everyone except Kurama who snorts.
The redheads all got into a single file and walked through a door that had the words "Death Row" over the frame. As soon as the last one passed through, the real Naruto perked up and then had a look of utter terror on his face. Ino took note of this, since she and Shino had stopped their own brainstorming to get input from their final teammate. She was the first to turn to him and she saw the look on his face.
"You better not mess with my precious gaki (brat)." Anko hisses at Naruto who gulps in fear.
"You alright, Naruto?" She asked.
"We're doomed," he muttered before he pulled out an ink brush and a paper with the words "My Will" on the top. Shino raised a brow at his actions while Ino had a look of worry, but Naruto paid them no mind as he focused on finishing his Will. As soon as he did, he pocketed it and sighed. "I got most of it figured out. We need to take Asuma-sensei's cigarettes, one of Kakashi-sensei's porn books, I don't know the third, and the last…is to ruin Anko-nee's dango."
Anko starts hissing like a snake at just the mentioning of ruining her precious dango.
Shino looked over the scroll again, nodding at the redhead's deduction while Ino tried to comfort him by gently patting his shoulder. "Hey, it'll be ok. I mean, it's not like this Anko lady loves dango more than life itself, right?" His silence was all the answer she needed, and she had a cold bead of sweat roll down her neck. "O-Oh…"
"Anyone else feeling scared at Anko's actions?" Daffy asks causing everyone except Anko and Kurama to raise their hands.
Shino rolled up the scroll and pocketed it. "The third one was a bit trickier than the others. The two Chunin at the village gate aren't twins, but they are still guards of the village. My guess is that sensei wished for us to surprise them in some manner."
"You guys can go to hell." Anko says while pouting getting a snort from Kurama.
"What do we do, Shino?" The blonde asked. "This test is insane. I mean, Asuma holds his smokes in his pocket, Kakashi is always reading his and I don't know where he keeps his others, the guards will be the easiest, and the Anko lady will kill us when she finds out what we did."
"Damn right I will blondie!" Anko snarls with a gleam in her eyes.
Before Shino could answer, Naruto blurted out, "Leave the Jonin and Anko-nee to me." Ino looked to him in surprise while Shino motioned for him to explain. "I could get the drop on them since they won't expect me. Not to mention that the Chunin guards have the least amount of risk, and I'm much more durable than you two." Shino frowned alongside Ino, making the redhead raise his hands in a placating manner. "Hey, I wasn't saying that you two are weak. I'm just saying that I can survive a Jonin's wrath; considering I piss off Anko-nee at least once a day."
"Hm, good point." Bugs says with a nod.
Ino looked unsurely at Shino, who had unintentionally become the de facto team leader. The Aburame still had his frown in place, but it was in thought instead of irritation. "Are you sure, Naruto-san?"
"Blech, stupid formalities." Naruto says with a fake gag, getting some chuckles and a snort.
Naruto nodded and slid his goggles over his eyes. "Just leave it to me."
Shino nodded. "Very well, then Ino and I will handle step three. We expect you to make it back in one piece, Naruto-san."
"Be careful, Naruto," added Ino before she and Shino left to do their assigned job.
Naruto sighed to himself before he took a crouching runner's stance, direction pointed at the village. His slit pupils gave off a slight glow as his legs ran in place and became twin whirls. Kyuubi then shouted, "Go!" And Naruto shot off like a bullet, once again making a cone of force surround him as he ran.
"Just like RR." Wile says with a fond smile while Naruto makes the universal gesture for 'gag me' at the use of formalities.
He shot through the streets, making the same effect as before hit the civilians and blow them aside as he sped past. The goggles kept the wind and any particles from hitting his eyes as he made his way to the training fields of the others teams. The first was Field Ten, where Asuma was teaching his students Akamichi Choji, Haruno Sakura, and Nara Shikamaru.
"I can't believe that that howler known as Mebuki reproduced." Kushina says with a look of horror on her face.
Adding chakra to his speed, he vanished in a blur and the next thing Team Ten knew was a sudden gale of wind blowing past them with incredible force. The force was strong enough to lift up the foolishly dieting kunoichi-to-be and carry her into a tree hard enough to leave and indent. While Asuma went to check on her when the wind died down, he was unaware that his pack of cigarettes was swept away in the wind.
"Servers her right. She was more like skin and bones at that age." Anko says while crossing her arms and glaring.
The next target was Team Seven's field, where Kakashi was in the middle of giving his team – consisting of Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Uchiha Sasuke – the Bell Test. While the Genin were unaware of what was about to happen, Kakashi perked up slightly when he felt an incredibly fast approaching chakra source. He frowned slightly, but made no motion of noticing the source.
"Lazy Bakashi." Anko says while shaking her head.
Once again though, Naruto had added chakra to his speed and blurred right past the Jonin while snatching the man's book. To the man, it happened in slow motion, and he not only saw Naruto take the book. The teen had taken a small bit of time to turn and blow a raspberry at the man as he snagged the book and disappeared.
That got some laughs from the watchers.
Kakashi was left in a state of shock, fingers twitching around empty space, as he stood there staring at where his book had been. He had unknowingly left himself open for his Genin-to-be, and they took the opportunity to strike.
"Take his book and he is helpless? Seriously?!" Naruto screams in frustration.
The final stop on Naruto's three-step journey was the dango shop. This step was easier to do, but the consequences were far direr than the other two. With a resigned look, the teen had bribed the chef to spike Anko's dango with chili powder; something that she loathed to see on her sweet delicacies. The chef took only a little bit of the redhead's money, knowing full well that the kid was committing a death wish by doing this.
"Can't handle the heat Anko-chan?" Kushina asks with a wide grin.
Wishing the kid the best of luck and a safe journey should he die from Anko's wrath, the chef bid Naruto goodbye and the teen rushed over to his team's field…just as Anko entered the establishment.
"Meanie senpai." Anko says with a pout.
When Naruto arrived, he saw his teammates already there with a small photo as proof of their actions. Naruto held up the smoke pack and the book before he pulled out his will. As soon as all the proof was presented, Kurenai arrived.
"I would feel the same way if someone messed with my ramen." Naruto says while patting Anko on the back.
"Well, I have to say that I'm impressed. Not only did you successfully finish the mission, you worked together to do so in a manner that provided the least amount of risk for you all."
"Speak for yourself." Naruto mutters to himself.
"Speak for yourself," muttered Naruto as he signed his Will, making it official.
Ignoring him, Kurenai took the items from the Genin – letting Naruto keep the Will – before she sealed them all up into a scroll. "You all did very well, so I'm pleased to say that you all pass. Now, this team will specialize in infiltration and sabotage, which is something you all can contribute to." She turned to her female student. "Ino, your clan's techniques are perfect for both roles due to your ability to enter a target's mind." Ino smiled at that as the woman turned to her logical student. "Shino, your bugs can easily sneak around and take down enemy forces without them even realizing it. Not only that, but you can speak with them and get information from whatever they had witnessed." Shino nodded and fixed his glasses as Kurenai turned to her last student. "Naruto…your antics and incredibly versatile abilities make you perfect for mass sabotage as well as distraction. While the enemy focuses on you, the others can sneak in to get the job done." Naruto rubbed his head bashfully, not used to praise from anyone but his sister and mother figures. Kurenai smiled and nodded. "Congratulations, you are all now officially Genin and members of Team Eight."
"Stereo much gaki?" Anko asks with a teasing grin to the whiskered blonde who pouted.
Ino cheered at their success while Shino nodded to his new sensei and Naruto did a back-flip in excitement. However, as soon as the redhead landed, he froze in terror and woodenly turned to see an enraged Anko standing behind him with her arms crossed and her lips red from the chili powder.
"It's like you're wearing red lipstick." Daffy says trying to lighten the mood.
"Naruto," she ground out slowly, making him run off to a small hole in the ground before diving inside of it. The woman stomped over to it, letting off her killing intent that left the other two Genin frozen in fear while Kurenai rolled her eyes. From the hole, a stick of dango on a plate on a plate was tossed out with a sign tied to it on a string.
"What exactly is killing intent?" Porky asks in both curiosity and fear.
The sign read "It was Kurenai-sensei's idea!" And had a picture of a flashing arrow pointed at said Jonin kunoichi. Anko frowned and turned to her friend who just shrugged. "I needed a test to challenge all of my team. We both know that Naruto was more than capable of handling it all by himself if he wanted to. So, I needed a test that would challenge even him."
"Smart move." Bugs says with a nod.
"But why'd it have to be my dango?!" Whined Anko as Naruto nervously poked his head out of the hole. "You could've made him prank Hokage-sama! Now my lips and tongue are red and I can only have ice cream for the rest of the day! And I hate ice cream!"
"Do you really hate ice cream?" Porky asks the Snake Mistress who shrugs in response.
Kurenai rolled her eyes again, waving her team away for the day. "Calm down. So you got burned by your favorite food. It's not the end of the world." (I'm going to count this as two lines so no reactions. ^_^)
"It is for me," mumbled Anko, crouching sadly next to the hole. She was brought out of her funk by Naruto hugging her, making her smile. 'Damn kid… Here I am, one of the most feared kunoichi of the Leaf…and I'm left smiling with my walls down around this crazy brat.'
"D'awwww, that's so precious." Kushina gushes at the sweet scene getting a blushing pout from Anko.
"Are you gonna kill me now?" He asked.
She sighed and pulled him into her lap, her head rested on his as he turned into his chibi fox form. It was a form he took whenever he felt he had upset her, and she couldn't deny that it was adorable.
"It is quite adorable sochi (son)." Kushina says while pinching Naruto's cheek. "Moooooooooooom!" Naruto whines.
"Nah, I won't kill ya. Just don't ruin my dango again, alright?" He nodded as she held him. "Good boy."
Inside the seal, Kyuubi frowned at the scene. While she was happy that Naruto had a sister figure to help him out and take care of him, he was her kit. She didn't want anyone to take him away from her; especially with how fragile he really was. No one but her knew just how vulnerable the boy was, and just how close he was to fully breaking every day.
"Feeling overprotective much?" Kushina teases to Kurama who snorts.
"I won't let anyone hurt you anymore, my kit. I swear it," she vowed within the darkness of her cage.
Whelp, here's chapter 2. As I said at the beginning, the voting for Elmer will end after chapter 3 and the voting for the girls ends after chapter 6, and 10 votes will be the deciding factor so please vote.