Chapter 3: Full Circle
Dagmar had grown used to sleeping at weird hours in a very full house. The few times she woke up to readjust had her slightly confused. She no longer laid on a couch, but that was to be expected since she'd started occasionally sharing a bed with her mum on the island. It disoriented her for a split second to be in Draco's room at Malfoy Manor. Someone sat in the chair beside the desk. Dagmar stared long enough for the woman to look up from her book. The stern, unreadable expression she bore as she studied Dagmar in kind was indicative enough that even in grogginess Dagmar could tell she was an Auror.
She slipped back into sleep. Through all of it, Draco was an absolute rock beside her. Dagmar almost wanted to check that he was breathing. At one point when Dagmar roused, his eyes were cracked but unfocused.
"Hey," Dagmar whispered. "Come here."
Draco moved pliantly as Dagmar rearranged them for a tighter, closer cuddle. Her chest became a makeshift pillow as she wrapped her arms around his head. Dagmar nuzzled Draco's hair. He squeezed her middle, about the only sign he really showed of being conscious. His breath evened back out while Dagmar pressed the odd kiss to his forehead and temple.
Dagmar became semi-conscious again when she registered movement. Something slamming into her face jarred her completely awake.
"Ow!" she gasped.
Dagmar opened her eyes, but they watered too much from a stinging nose for her to see anything. Even her front teeth felt heavy from the radiating pain. She instinctively backed away. Panting sounded in front of her.
"Oh fuck, I am so sorry." Draco's voice sounded gravelly. "Are you all right?"
"Ow," Dagmar just repeated, stunned. "Did you hit me?"
"Fuck, I'm sorry."
Dagmar sat up, still trying to fully wake. The inside of her nose felt wet. No blood came away on her hand. The stinging was receding. She sniffled, for liquid had trickled down through her tear duct.
Draco looked so miserable, crestfallen and on-edge. His hair stood up and his skin was flush with a sweaty sheen. He somehow managed to be pale at the same time.
"I'm sorry," Draco said again. "Nightmare—I panicked. . ."
"It's okay." Dagmar swiped her nose one last time to make sure no blood came away. "Makes up for all the times you had to wake me up from one."
"It's not something to joke about."
"I know." Dagmar sighed. "Just. . .ow."
"What can I do?"
"Nothing's broken or bleeding or anything. It just hurt."
Draco still looked at her tentatively, his bottom lip pulled back between his teeth. That he was so torn up about involuntarily doing something he normally never would was strangely endearing. Draco wouldn't even make the first move toward bridging the new space between them. Dagmar flopped back down close enough to Draco that she could run her hand up the arm he held himself upright with. With a shaky sigh, Draco eased back down beside her. He placed a soft, lingering kiss on the bridge of Dagmar's nose.
"I really am sorry," he whispered, this time in Norwegian.
"I know." Dagmar pressed up closer. "It's okay. You didn't do it on purpose."
"Stupid nightmares." Draco sighed. "You'd think they'd stop now."
"Give them time, I guess?" Dagmar rested a hand on Draco's neck and ran her thumb over his jaw. "I woke up disoriented a few times too."
They'd slept long enough for the afternoon to disappear behind the veil of twilight outside. A single torch over by the desk remained lit. As Dagmar woke up and grew more certain in her consciousness, the naked happiness she'd fallen asleep with started to swell up again. Her stomach warmed with it as she regarded Draco. Even a sweaty and pitiful mess, he was too handsome and warm for Dagmar to really see his state. She was too chuffed to be this close to him again.
Dagmar watched a similar thought process play out in Draco's expression. A little smile pulling on his mouth was enough to draw something similar from Dagmar. Her cheeks expanded it by their own volition when Dagmar's forehead found Draco's. She closed her eyes briefly, savouring the moment before leaning in. Draco's lips catching hers blew the warmth in her stomach up into full-on heat. It took everything she had not to groan, whether in relief or something else. Were it not for the Auror rustling pages on the other side of the room and the pesky little fact that Voldemort's soul still remained somewhere inside of her, Dagmar's instinct would be to roll Draco onto his back and have her way with him.
She grinned anew, ending their snog when Draco angled his hips away from her. His determinedly-straight face was undermined by a certain playfulness in his eyes.
"Since when are you so shy?" Dagmar whispered.
"We aren't alone," Draco replied with an indicative glance toward the chair by his desk. "Even without her, really."
"He's not here." Dagmar avoided saying Voldemort's name. Although they spoke Norwegian, that would translate. "I always feel when he's waking up, or whatever. The only time he surprises me is if I was sleeping and he's the first one up. I'm already awake now, so. . ."
"Good to know, but—" Draco glanced with more emphasis toward the Auror.
Dagmar pursed her lips, thinking. Before her shyness had a chance to catch up with her, Dagmar sat up again. The Auror was still reading, although raised her gaze when she registered Dagmar and Draco's conversation had stopped.
"So what's the deal?" Dagmar asked. "I have to stay in someone's line of sight so long as Voldemort is still inside me?"
She nodded.
"Do you speak Norwegian?"
"No." Even from just the one word, Dagmar registered an accent. "The British Auror office deemed it acceptable that someone fluent in English be present. Voldemort doesn't speak Norwegian, so it isn't as if he can communicate in it."
"What's your name?"
"Siegenthaler."
"German?"
"Swiss."
Dagmar idly nodded. "Not to be crass or anything, but what are the chances we'd be allowed some time alone? I don't think Voldemort is going to come around anytime soon, but we'd stop anyway if he does."
Siegenthaler studied the two of them, unfazed by the bluntness of Dagmar's request. She closed her book. "I'll stand outside the door. Be aware that I must be able to hear for any signs of Voldemort's return, so there will be no Silencing Charm cast. It's for your own safety as well."
"Sure," Draco said to acknowledge that.
Some heat started to blossom in Dagmar's cheeks as Siegenthaler walked past the bed, but she also didn't really care to feel embarrassed. She'd just spent a few months forced to share a very touch-starved body with Voldemort. At this point, Dagmar might have even carried on with Siegenthaler in the room if Draco was equally apathetic to her presence.
Dagmar broke into a grin when Siegenthaler closed the bedroom door behind her with a soft drum. She pulled her plait over one shoulder as she leaned down over Draco. His own grin disappeared with need to get on with a snog. He had enough trouble breathing, and his fingertips carried electricity down Dagmar's arm.
"I can't believe you asked that," Draco said when Dagmar set out to nibble his neck.
"Desperate times, and all." Dagmar relished a shiver and flat palm against her back as muscle memory guided her toward a sensitive spot. "I'm literally aching for you."
A quiet moan bordering on pathetic sounded near Dagmar's ear. Draco's hands trembled on her. As soon as Dagmar gravitated anywhere near his mouth, their lips were back together. Dagmar turned her head more to deepen it, aware but uncaring that the sloppy sounds of it probably carried through the door. She didn't care if Siegenthaler heard. Honestly, Dagmar didn't even care if any of their parents did. They were all aware that Dagmar and Draco had been living together and were engaged. Living in close quarters the last few months made it pretty hard for Dagmar to feel bashful about anything at all. Dagmar and Draco making questionable sounds with each other behind a closed door was so bloody normal, which was exactly what they all needed right now.
Besides, this was what Dagmar and Draco's parents had wanted, wasn't it? They'd set the two of them up to be married someday. They could reap what they sowed on that one. Dagmar would eventually be free from the spectre haunting her body. How else did Dagmar's mum, Narcissa, and Mr Malfoy think they'd be getting grandchildren one day?
The only one more desperate than Dagmar in the moment was Draco. Dagmar hadn't a chance to settle on straddling Draco's waist when the world turned upside down on her. A spurt of breath escaped her lungs as her back found the bed.
While Draco pulled off Dagmar's shorts and knickers, Dagmar moved as she needed to for them to come free of her legs and feet. The room's cool air was such a relief to feel against her nethers, but everything still felt too swollen and warm for comfort. She sat up to meet Draco, holding his face as they snogged again. He poked her in the lower stomach, even with his pants still on. Dagmar unhooked them off his erection. She nearly crooned in pity to look at him. Even in the low light of one lonely torch, Dagmar saw a drop of precum fall for the sheet.
"It's, er. . ." Draco said, pulling Dagmar's gaze back up. "It's been a pretty lonely couple of months."
"It has," Dagmar quietly agreed. "I won't pretend it was as hard for me as it was you, though."
Draco's forehead found Dagmar's again before their mouths followed. Draco inhaled sharply, almost panicked, when Dagmar put a hand around him. "Oh—wait—"
Too late. Draco pulsed in her grip. Dagmar was taken aback for a split second, and then she just decided to go with it. She stroked him through it, holding Draco until the trembling in his form stopped and he went soft.
"Fuck," Draco said. "Sorry."
"I probably should've known better when you were so wound up." Dagmar remained sitting up when Draco slumped over. "Will you want to go again?"
"Yes."
His tone left little doubt. Dagmar smiled anew, removing her tank top as carefully as she could to avoid getting any of the cum on it in her hair along the way. "No point apologizing, then."
Dagmar pulled him down on top of her. She revelled in his weight, the shape of him, and how his firm edges felt in contrast to her inner thighs. Even though he'd gone soft, Dagmar still felt a jolt of exhilaration whenever he poked her somewhere below.
Their snogging came to a stop again with more of Draco's weight. He rested his head on her shoulder and nuzzled her neck. Dagmar wrapped her arms around him to return the makeshift embrace.
"God, I missed you," Draco whispered.
Tears pricked at Dagmar's eyes, squeezing her throat. Her grip tightened and she kissed the side of his head. "I missed you too."
"I still kind of can't believe it." It was slight, but Dagmar caught a sniffle. "I'd dream about you, and it'd be so real. Then I'd wake up pretty much just like that. Hot, bothered, and unable to last worth a damn as soon as I touched myself."
Dagmar nodded emphatically enough to make sure Draco could feel it. She wasn't sure what she could say that would be a positive contribution. Maybe that grief could be a very strange beast. Dagmar felt bad that she couldn't do anything about it. She never wanted to leave, and certainly not like that.
"It's all going to start feeling real," she eventually replied. "Maybe okay in a way because we're both here and we have each other. But we just went through something horrible. As much as I hate to remind either of us, it's still not completely over."
Draco lifted his head. The one torch going in the room was behind him, so most of his face was lost to shadow. Dagmar could still see the intensive way he studied her. "You don't feel him right now, though? At all?"
"Nei."
"Then right this moment, I can't really be arsed to care about that. Can you?"
The dread that had tried to creep up on Dagmar like a lethifold seeped away. "Not really, I suppose. The last six weeks were so stressful. I'd rather forget about all of it, if we have the opportunity."
"Well, you're here. We're back in this bed again. We get to be together. It's enough, isn't it? For now?"
Dagmar ran her fingers back through Draco's hair, lightly scratching his scalp. "I shouldn't complain."
"It's okay to. Really. I'm not looking forward to dealing with him either, once he shows his face again. But if he's gone for the moment, I mean. . ." Draco paused. "I couldn't tell you how many times the last few months I either thought or said I would do anything to have you back. I was absolutely not prepared to deal with losing you. When Potter told me down in the Chamber that you were alive, he wasn't sure if your mum would go through with shattering Voldemort's soul. I thought the price of having you again would be trading out for Luca. It made me literally sick to think about. So to me, this is acceptable."
"My mum would have shattered him, if it makes you feel any better. But I'm glad you weren't willing to do that to Luca."
"I didn't get more than the time it took to toss to even consider it, but I didn't think it was something you would ever want."
Dread tried to push back in on Dagmar. In order to keep it at bay, she had to remind herself of the way everything had fallen when all was said and done. "I didn't. I tried to keep that it was him from Voldemort and my mum once I realized. I snuck in to Kingsley's room to talk to him about it. He already knew. He told Voldemort soon after. I had to trust that there were things going on I couldn't know about. My mum told me she had a plan. Then when Kingsley told Voldemort, he said that Potter and Dumbledore had had their eye on Luca right from his first day at Hogwarts last year. I had no choice but to trust all of them to have something sorted, because I had absolutely no control on what was happening."
"Neither of us did."
"Why were you even at Hogwarts?" Dagmar asked. "And how did you survive? Did he change his mind? Or did my mum, your dad, and Snape show up in time?"
She had to suppress a shudder at the last thing she remembered before disappearing from the scene. Like still air before a horrid storm, Voldemort had gone completely calm with his resolution to kill Draco. Dagmar was certain the last thing she would see of Draco was the look of terror on his face. It remained vaguely imprinted on the insides of her eyelids.
"I went to Hogwarts because Dumbledore asked me to," Draco replied. "I was due to go back to work the Monday after Azkaban got hit. We had no idea what happened, so Dumbledore recommended I put off going back in case Aunt Bella came to find me or something. Then as part of defending Hogwarts, he asked Gunvor if he could borrow the firedrakes. They needed a handler, and it was a good place for me to work where I didn't have to worry about being secure. I felt like I needed to do something, anyway. I couldn't sit at home and stare at the wall."
"I get that."
"I deflected the Killing Curse."
Dagmar's stomach hardened. "How?"
"Not a clue." Draco shrugged. "But I was very surprised to still be standing. My father, your mum, and Snape showed up right afterward."
Dagmar cringed at the thought of Mr Malfoy discovering a scene like that. "I was glad to see you were all right too."
"Yeah," Draco quietly replied. "If he killed me, I don't know that he would have hesitated long enough to stall on Potter too."
"How come you tried to stop Voldemort? I mean, I get it, but to put yourself in the way like that?"
"Partly because I didn't think he'd really do anything to me when my parents had been helping him. Partly because. . ." Draco trailed off. "I don't know. Even with all the things Potter did to me—it being because of him you were gone, him letting them haul me off to Azkaban—I couldn't stand to see it happen. I'd forgiven him all that because I knew it wasn't really his fault. He didn't mean for any of it to happen. Then he told me you were alive. He'd figured it out, and he'd been doing all he could to bring you home."
"Ja." Dagmar glanced at her left hand as she ran it up over Draco's shoulder. Her ring caught some light from the torch. "I hope he's okay."
"Shaken, but he wasn't hurt or anything."
"It's kind of hard to imagine him scared."
"Yeah. But he was."
"I guess all of us were."
Draco nodded, lips pressed.
Dagmar brought him back flush with her for a tight hug. She hadn't realized just how close they had come to losing each other. Dagmar's bodily autonomy should've never been at Voldemort's mercy. Draco shouldn't have deflected a Killing Curse. Dagmar could so easily be laying here right now, grieving him the way he'd grieved her.
"I love you," she said, "and I'm so, so very glad you're here."
"You too," Draco spoke close to her ear. "I'm so glad you're back."
Dagmar took the silence to follow as opportunity to savour the moment. No clothes separated her and Draco. His weight was a massive comfort. She hadn't realized just how much she missed the smell of him until she could rest her nose against his skin and deeply inhale.
The hum in her blood had gone quiet as they talked, for it wasn't entirely derived from a need for sex. Sure, Dagmar missed that, but she missed intimacy even more. She missed the days and nights where hours lost meaning and she and Draco just enjoyed a little bubble around them. It was a cushion from the realities of their world. They still weren't fully through it, but Dagmar felt better now that some kind of handle had been asserted.
She groaned quietly when Draco kissed her. Dagmar wanted him so badly—needed him—that she didn't really know what to do with herself. Even with Voldemort's soul still inside of her, Dagmar could see a future again. The ring on her finger had meaning. She laid in bed with her fiancé, and he would be her husband someday. This man would be the father of her children. They were going to grow old together. Things would be as good as they had been before they were torn apart by powers greater than themselves.
Draco's mind seemed to work along the same way. They were getting desperate again, sloppy but methodical in the way they touched each other. Dagmar couldn't decide where to put her hands on Draco, if she wanted to trace out the shape of his toned shoulders or feel how the muscles in his back ridged either side of his spine. A shiver ran through him if Dagmar ran her nails a certain way over his ribs, tickling sensitive flesh. She stroked him again. The glazed look in Draco's eyes when their gazes met was enough to make Dagmar's pelvic floor pound.
Dagmar went quiet with anticipation when Draco reached down between them. Him sinking into her was slightly uncomfortable in a way she hadn't felt in a long time. Her face pinched slightly by its own accord, but Dagmar wasn't sure Draco noticed. He cursed quietly under his breath, lost.
"You're so tight," he whispered.
"Go easy to start."
Draco nodded, but it was okay. Between how wet Dagmar was, how badly she wanted it, and how quickly she relaxed, things felt normal again soon enough.
Dagmar broke their kiss on the tail end of a moan. "Herregud, you feel good. I missed this."
"Me too."
If Dagmar had any hope of staying quiet, Draco needed to keep her mouth preoccupied. In most moods she tended toward more breathy than noisy. Sometimes Draco aimed to see that other side of her. Dagmar didn't think he did right now since she didn't sense any cheekiness in his demeanour, but she couldn't really help it. It just felt too good to be with him again, and to feel for the first time since Bellatrix desecrated their home that things were okay.
Dagmar was in the right space of mind for a hot swell to come up unaided from her core. She was certainly in the right frame of mind where Draco could make her cum from this alone, should he try. Draco's movements tended naturally toward that brand of nuance, but he gave her warning too soon that he was close. Dagmar resigned to reach down between them. She had to muffle herself in the nook of his neck as her thighs flushed hot along with everything else releasing. Déjà vu came with it, although it slightly jarred Dagmar for the room to be dark instead of bright with summer air.
Draco didn't last through it. As Dagmar returned to her head, she registered familiar jerkiness in Draco's hips. He was panting as well, and trembling again. He became dead weight after his head found Dagmar's shoulder.
"Might need to boot you," Dagmar said with no force.
"Hips hurt?"
"Just too long in this position."
"We could've switched."
"Nei, I missed having your weight on me."
It was tolerable enough for a halfhearted snog. Dagmar sighed in mild disappointment not only to lose Draco's weight but him inside of her. She'd become acutely aware a few times on the island how empty she felt without him. It was just as bad in the moments afterward now.
Dagmar headed into the bathroom to pee. Some cum remained on her thigh where it had dribbled out through the motion of walking. Loo roll didn't really seem to help. She sighed when Draco came in with a fresh pair of pants in hand. "You don't have your wand, do you?"
"They made me leave it downstairs."
"Cleaning up is going to suck without magic. Especially the bedding."
"Yeah." Draco passed her by to start the shower. "Could always just hop in here with me, if you want. Might as well get the smell off us before we run into anybody else in the house."
"I guess we'll have to ask Siegenthaler to borrow her magic." Dagmar wrinkled her nose.
"I opened a window, so the room should at least air out a bit."
Endorphins made it easy to lapse into quiet laughter about the situation. Dagmar hopped in the shower behind Draco, running her hands up over his backside before wrapping them around his middle. They'd both had a proper clean earlier, so a shower was more about wiping things down and being distracted by the odd grope or snog.
Dagmar peeked out into the bedroom before emerging with just a towel. Siegenthaler hadn't invited herself back in. Dagmar headed for her bag on the desk and slipped on some clean clothes. Draco was pulling on socks when Dagmar poked her head out into the hallway.
"Did you need to come back in?" she asked Siegenthaler. "We're decent."
She pushed off the wall. "I'll be following you around until my shift is over at nine."
"Okay." Dagmar started feeling shy, but pushed through before it could completely overtake. "If you have a wand on you, would you mind throwing a quick cleaning spell at the bed?"
Siegenthaler remained professional, but Dagmar still shifted a little on her feet as the sheets spruced up. She pressed her lips together, catching Draco's eye when a dark spot near the edge of the bed vanished. The imprint of Dagmar's bum still surrounded where it had been.
"Your mother came by," Siegenthaler told Draco. "The rest of them were all sitting down to dinner. They thought you two might like to join. I believe they're already finished, since your mother returned upstairs." Siegenthaler nodded at Dagmar.
"I could certainly eat," Dagmar said to Draco. "I couldn't tell you the last time I did."
"Dinner yesterday for me." Draco rubbed his stomach. "Yeah, I'm famished."
Dagmar was starting to feel it. Adrenaline and sheer emotion had put hunger on the back burner. Dagmar followed Draco out of the room and toward the dining room stairs. Siegenthaler was only a few steps behind her. She lingered in the background as Dagmar and Draco turned left in the empty dining room to head into the kitchen. The house elves had only just put their made-up plates away, and were more than happy to dig them back out to reheat.
They started their meal while waiting on coffee. Footsteps approached the kitchen, followed by Narcissa.
She smiled warmly at them. "I thought I heard you come down."
Dagmar tightly returned her hug. Since Narcissa hadn't bothered with more than a night shirt, Dagmar felt a little overdressed in proper clothes.
"We're sitting in the great room if you just want to bring your plates there," Narcissa said. "We'd rather see you than adhere to the idea all meals need to be taken at the dining table."
"Okay," Draco agreed for them. "You and Father found your things all right?"
"Mhm." Narcissa grinned anew when Draco draped an arm around her shoulders. "Thanks for grabbing that."
"Anything you need," Draco replied. "It's all still up at the cottage."
Narcissa's gaze softened in a way similar to pity. "You kept the old place?"
Draco rolled his eyes. "Yes."
"Why do you say it like that?" Narcissa matched his sourness, frowning.
"Because everybody else did that too when we all thought Dagmar was gone. It got old, and I got tired of justifying myself."
Narcissa softened. She briefly met Dagmar's eye. "Right."
Draco grimaced when Narcissa's hand wiped quickly at her eye. "Oh, don't cry, Mum. I'm not trying to be mean."
"It's not that." Narcissa perked a little when Draco squeezed her close and kissed the side of her head, although she still lightly sniffled. "It was just such an awful few months. We didn't know if Dagmar was okay either, even if—you know, her heart was still beating and all that. The Dark Lord couldn't feel her right away after everything went wrong in Bergen. Even when she came to, we had no idea how long we'd be away. I knew you were hurting for her, and I couldn't do a thing to help you."
"I won't lie and say it wasn't rough," Draco said. "But she's home now, so don't worry about that."
Dagmar had no doubt it would take more than words like that for Narcissa to let it go. Although everything had mostly turned out in their favour, looking back was like gaping into a void. Dread tugged at Dagmar again, tainted by awkwardness as she realized what all else remained unsaid at the moment between Draco and Narcissa. Narcissa didn't yet know just how narrowly Draco escaped death. The fact that Draco wasn't aware his parents not only reconciled but now partook in a polyamorous relationship seemed much less like a big deal.
"Well, I'm glad to see the two of you back together, anyway." Narcissa smiled tightly. "It helps things feel a little more normal."
"Yeah." Draco's arm slipped off Narcissa as she moved to squeeze Dagmar again. "So. . .what's up with you and Father, then? I hate to ask about it, but Aunt Bella told me in Bergen that there was something going on with you and Mr Nott. Should I tread delicately with all of us under one roof? You're all getting along, or. . .?"
Now that Draco was thinking about it, Dagmar could see the oddities of the situation weighing down his brow. Narcissa stiffened. As much as Dagmar hated to do it to her, she touched Narcissa's arm. "Maybe I'll go check on my mum, if you two want to talk."
Narcissa's eyes widened slightly, and Draco's brow fully committed to a furrow. Dagmar made to kiss his cheek in passing, but Draco turned his head enough to catch her lips instead. Before he could ask her what was going on, Dagmar left the kitchen.
She headed back upstairs. Siegenthaler followed Dagmar, although didn't make it obvious. Even at the other end of the upstairs hallway, it just seemed like she and Dagmar happened to end up in the same place.
Dagmar knocked at the east suite's door, opening it with her mum's invitation. Her mum laid on her side on the bed with a hand on her stomach. She poked her tongue out slightly as Dagmar came over with her plate. She'd been too hungry to leave it down in the kitchen with Draco, as much as she would've liked to have their meal together.
"All right?" Dagmar asked her in Norwegian.
"Full." Her mum sighed. "I ate too much at dinner."
"That's good, though." Dagmar stirred gravy into her mash. "You need it."
"I know. We tried to wait for you and Draco. Then I was even hungrier when we finally decided to hell with you two."
"Ja, sorry. We were a little caught up shagging."
Dagmar's mum snorted her way into a laugh. A crinkle lingered in Dagmar's mum's eye when she returned to seriousness. "You aren't worried about doing that when Voldemort is still around?"
"Why should I be?" Dagmar shrugged as she took a bite. "It's my body. He can leave if he doesn't like what I do with it."
"Fair enough, I guess."
Dagmar's mum fell quiet. When Dagmar looked at her again, her eyes were a little shiny in the torchlight.
"Sure you're all right?" Dagmar asked.
Her mum shrugged, sniffling lightly. "It's just been an emotional day. Even if Luca wants nothing to do with me, it was lovely to see him. I really needed that closure that he was okay. I'm glad he'll for sure be safe now. I wish Voldemort would've let me do the transfer. Then it really could've been over."
"I have no idea where Luca's going to fall on everything. He wouldn't look at me after everything in the Chamber. I told Draco that we needed to get him to you. I hope he knew why, and not like I was trying to trade his life for mine."
"Somebody knows that can tell him," her mum replied. "After we subdued the Death Eaters up in the Great Hall, Severus asked if I intended to shatter Voldemort. I'd wondered if they figured it all out when I realized Helka was there."
"I don't see how they couldn't."
"Ja."
"She never told me we were doppelgängers." Dagmar sighed as she chewed a piece of chicken. "She didn't tell me much at all. Just that you and her were really old."
Her mum nodded slowly at the edge of Dagmar's vision. "Would you have even believed her if she told you everything you know now?"
"I think so," Dagmar said. "I had that déjà vu feeling when I saw Idhunna. Does it require eye contact?"
"Window to the soul, and all that."
"Would I have felt that if I saw Helka's eyes? She wore a fringe over them when I talked to her."
"Ja, you would have." Dagmar's mum budged close enough for her knee to touch Dagmar's hip. "We're supposed to see her soon. Whenever she has time, she was going to come put those ward runes on us."
"Right." Dagmar forgot about that.
Siegenthaler shifted her weight where she leaned against the wall by the bedroom door. It reminded Dagmar of Draco doing that, waiting for her when he gave her a tour of the manor house's upper floor two summers ago.
"Voldemort's not around at all right now?" Dagmar's mum asked.
Mouth full, Dagmar shook her head.
"There are other things I need to tell you that I couldn't before," her mum said. "I don't know if I should while he's still inside of you. I think if he knew, it might make it harder to get him out."
"Why?"
"You'd understand if you knew. If I tell you, I couldn't expect you to keep it from Draco. I don't want to ask you to keep secrets from your fiancé, but if Voldemort ever heard the two of you talking about it. . .it could just make things more complicated, like I said."
"Keep it to yourself, then."
Dagmar's mum was quiet. Dagmar didn't avoid looking at her on purpose, but she was preoccupied in cutting her chicken. "It won't bother you?"
"It doesn't matter." Dagmar shrugged. "Honestly, I've got enough on my plate right now to deal with. I don't care about the past, only the future. I want to get caught up with Draco. I want to see my friends. I want to find out if me and Luca are all right. I want to go home. I want to talk to my dean at Olaf Kyrre and see if it's at all possible to get back into my Healing programme, even if I've pretty much just missed the entire winter term. I want to get married. I want a family. Is what you have to tell me more important than all of that?"
"Nei," her mum answered right away. "Definitely not."
Dagmar studied her plate again as she thought. "I used to be scared to have kids, you know."
"You did?"
"I felt like there was something wrong with me after Voldemort came back in '95," Dagmar said. "I didn't realize what it was at the time, but I could feel his soul in me. After my dean suggested that we were druids, I thought it was just something to do with that. Before that though, I didn't know if I should be trusted with a baby. After Grim. . ."
Mention of their old cat made it hard for Dagmar to look at her mum. Even when her mum scooted close enough on the bed to rest a hand on her lower back, Dagmar's gaze remained steadfast on her plate.
"What about Grim?" her mum asked.
Dagmar's stomach flopped. "Did Voldemort not tell you about that?"
"Tell me what?"
Dagmar internally cringed. "He didn't tell you I put him down?"
"Nei, jenta mi." Her mum's voice went so soft it was hardly a whisper.
"I still don't know if that was all my decision, or if a piece of him being inside me had some part in it. Did I ever do anything like that before?"
"Nei."
Dagmar fended off the guilt that welled up. "At least it was Grim's time. That much, I'm sure of."
"You shouldn't feel bad, then. He was a good cat. He deserved a dignified death. I only wish your dad and I knew so that we could've taken that burden off you."
"You're not mad? Or disgusted?"
"Just sad you had to deal with it." Dagmar's mum sat up and squeezed her about the shoulders. "I'm sorry."
"I would have wrote about it, but he was hurting and it felt unfair for him to keep hurting." Dagmar sniffled. "I think I would've said something about it if I came home for Christmas last year."
An invisible hand gripped Dagmar's throat.
"I'm sorry I didn't come home," she said. "I didn't realize it would be our last chance to all be together."
"It's okay, jenta mi. Neither did we."
Dagmar had to wipe her cheeks from the strength of everything that bubbled up. When thinking about how things were either the same or different from their last time being hosted by the Malfoys, it was impossible to ignore that their family was one member short.
"It's all my fault Dad's gone," Dagmar managed through the crushing feeling in her chest. "I told him the first time I saw his Dark Mark to go die for Voldemort if it was what he wanted to do. And that's what he did. He probably died thinking I actually hated him."
"That's not true." Dagmar's mum took the plate out of Dagmar's hands so that she could pull her into a more proper hug. "He knew you didn't hate him."
"How could he know that?" Dagmar remained limp and heavy. "I barely talked to him unless I had to after that. I avoided both of you. I was ready to fall off the face of the planet after finishing at Hogwarts. I had a feeling that you and him would either die too young or go to prison, and I didn't do a thing to enjoy what time we had left."
"You were just a kid, Dagmar," her mum said. "We completely failed you. If we could've told you what we were dealing with, we would have. You said you want a family, ja? Whenever you have a child, you'll understand more why your dad did what he did. If your kid is in danger, there's nothing you won't do. There is no limit to how far you'll go."
Dagmar nodded, but it still hurt. "I miss him so bad."
"Me too."
Dagmar had purposely slept through her dad's birthday a few weeks ago. She'd asked Voldemort about maybe having the day to spend with her mum, but he was too busy preparing for Hogwarts to give it even a second thought. Dagmar's dad would've only been thirty-seven. He was way too young to be gone. He didn't even have grey hair yet. Only a couple wrinkles had started to line the skin around his eyes. Dagmar's mum had a very long life ahead of her without him, and so did Dagmar. Her dad would never walk her down the aisle. He'd never hold his grandchildren. There would be no more crushing hugs, scratchy kisses on Dagmar's cheeks. . .nothing but excruciating absence.
It never really seemed to hurt less anytime those realizations hit anew. On this side of December fourth, Dagmar had new information on how she ought to grieve the man that raised her. Not that she faulted the Malfoys for it, but seeing them all reunited was a reminder that the same was never possible for Dagmar and both her parents.
A gentle knock came at the bedroom door. Dagmar sniffled and tried to clean herself up. Looking over in that direction came with a strange flourish of emotion. Although she'd met Helka back in October, the familiarity Dagmar felt now was too strong to merely be in reference to that. Helka looked a lot different now than she had then. She'd pulled her long red hair back into a ponytail. Her head was free of regalia, and her clothes modern. Dagmar wasn't sure she would even recognize her if those blue eyes didn't try so hard to remind her of a place far away from here, and of a time long ago.
Helka carried two bowls, one red and one black. She smiled tightly. "Is this a bad time?"
"Erm, no," Dagmar's mum replied in Druidic. "I don't suppose that matters anyway, if you're here to put the ward runes on us."
"I am."
Helka set the bowls she carried down on the dresser. While she busied herself bringing over the chair from the desk, Dagmar's mum plucked a couple tissues out of the box on the bedside table. She handed one to Dagmar.
Dagmar's mum cleared her throat as Helka grabbed her bowls. "Helka, I'm so sorry you had to get involved in all this. It's not how I wanted our paths to cross again once I learned you were still alive."
"They probably shouldn't have crossed at all, considering you're supposed to be in prison." Helka held the bowls out to her. "Hold these, will you?"
Dagmar's mum took them. "Are you angry at me?"
That caused Helka pause. She narrowed her eyes as she considered Dagmar's mum. "Not necessarily. It's not as though I was in any real serious danger at Hogwarts, so I can't say you made me fear for my life. I would've just found myself back in Leidfall if anyone offed me. I suppose I'm slightly disappointed to see what sorts you fell in with."
"It's not like I meant to." Dagmar's mum darkened in the cheeks. "You really think if I knew meeting Voldemort would lead to what happened this morning that I would've gone anywhere near him? Don't you know me better than that?"
"I used to know you." Helka dipped her fingers into the black bowl's mud. "It's been a long time."
"Not as long as how long we knew each other before that."
"It's been long enough for someone to change." Helka's expression softened when she turned more toward Dagmar. "Your right arm, please."
Dagmar held it out, growing uncomfortable when they joined her in silence. She cleared her throat. "My mum told me that we used to know each other. And that I knew Idhunna."
"It's true." Some of the tension alleviated when Helka smiled at her. "You and Idhunna were a rotten little pair. Your mum and I would usually try to coordinate the ends of our life cycles so that the two of you would stay close to the same age."
"Does she know who I am?"
"We talked after you visited in autumn." Helka traced a symbol on the underside of Dagmar's forearm. "She wanted to know where you two recognized each other from. All she needed was your name. Idhunna's always kept diaries. It was a hobby you both shared."
Dagmar's stomach flopped weirdly. "So it's written down somewhere things I used to do? Things me and her used to do together?"
"Not extensively, but yes. I grabbed a few of yours when I left our clan's final settlement. I thought that when Idhunna was old enough again to understand what had happened, they might make nice keepsakes. Even if she didn't know you in the lifetimes afterward and on, she would feel the void you left. And she did, although it's eased considerably now that we've been in Leidfall for so long. There's nine of us there, as I'm sure you've figured out by now."
"Oh—yeah." Dagmar hadn't really thought about it, but now it made a lot more sense why Leidfall's so-called elders all appeared to be under forty years old.
Dagmar's mum shifted a little. "Dagmar and I already touched on it, but I haven't told her absolutely everything yet. I think you know what I mean. I intend to after Voldemort is out of her. I don't want him tempted to stick around longer than he needs to."
"I'm okay with it," Dagmar said before Helka had a chance to get stern with her mum again. "As frustrating it was while trying to get to the bottom of everything, I can't exactly say at this point that I blame her for keeping me in the dark. You could've trusted Dumbledore though, Mum."
"It wasn't an option," her mum replied. "From the perspective of the parent of a Hogwarts student, he never seemed entirely competent. He was also active within the Ministry, which was another thing I always avoided. You can't exactly argue that they were competent either, with how long it took them to even acknowledge Voldemort's return."
"I guess, ja."
"The only person I fully trusted was your dad." Her mum sat up straighter. "He was the only one that knew I intended to shatter Voldemort's soul once we found Bjo—Luca. I didn't trust anyone else not to somehow involve you if they knew. Considering Voldemort dying would put him into your body, you walking as free as you did was dangerous. I needed to protect Voldemort from being killed to prevent his soul coupling back up inside you. I needed to stay on Voldemort's good side so that he would never suspect what I intended to do when we found Luca. I needed his consent to get his soul fragment out of you. He threatened me once too that if I ever went to Dumbledore or someone else for help, he would have someone kill the body he was in. I doubt at that point he would have ever given you back. If he vanished with you, how would I find you again?"
Dagmar just shrugged. "I doubted you'd let things get this far for no reason. It's just so easy to believe that Dumbledore had all the answers. I thought he could do anything."
"Unfortunately, no." Her mum sighed. "In a way it's comforting that he was just a man. It means that Voldemort is too. Both were capable of great things, but still fallible."
"Yeah," Dagmar said quietly.
Helka set the second rune she'd worked on in place on Dagmar. "Forgive me for saying, but Dumbledore's death was not a pleasant one."
Dagmar winced. "I hate that Voldemort used me to do it. I wonder if anyone that was there will blame me."
"I doubt they do," Helka said. "There was a world of difference when Voldemort left the Great Hall, and when you returned. While you were all gone, Professor McGonagall and Amelia told everyone what was going on. There was no chance of hiding it after he took the helmet off that death golem he was wearing."
"I guess not." Dagmar grew nervous. "So I guess everyone's going to know what happened to me, then. There's no hiding something like that at Hogwarts. If the students don't pass it around, the portraits will."
"That's what Harry said." Helka dipped her fingers anew in the first bowl. "Your turn, Hildegard."
"I can hold the bowls if you like," Dagmar offered just as her stomach cramped with still-lingering hunger. "Or I could take my plate back and you could set them there."
"Either or," Helka replied.
Dagmar couldn't reach the plate over her mum, so she got up to grab it. "You saw Potter again today?"
Helka furrowed her brow.
"Harry," Dagmar specified, although his first name felt slightly strange on her tongue.
"Oh—yes. I needed a translator up at Hogwarts while we all did some tidying up. Amelia helped me put my runes back on so that I could convince Chelone out to the middle of the lake. Professor McGonagall didn't need students trying to get onto her, she said. Then we contained all the dementors. Harry was debating offering help on moving Voldemort's followers to Azkaban, but he looked pretty tired. Then again, everyone did."
"Yeah, I guess not everyone got to go home and have a kip," Dagmar said.
"Harry did. He came back in the afternoon," Helka replied. "He couldn't bring himself to sit around at home any longer when there was still stuff to do."
"Sounds like him." Dagmar managed a tight smile when Helka chuckled. "If it's okay with you two, I might go track down Draco. Narcissa was going to tell him about how things are working now with her, Mr Malfoy, and Mr Nott. I want to make sure he's okay and all that."
"All right," Helka said. "I'll see you around, I suppose. I haven't made any plans yet about when I might return to Leidfall. I'm still useful here."
"Okay."
Dagmar hesitated slightly at the wide-eyed look her mum was giving her. She didn't want to be left alone with Helka, but there were probably things the two of them needed to talk about. If not, then it wouldn't hurt Dagmar's mum to catch up with her old friend.
Draco's room remained empty, so Dagmar headed back downstairs. Quiet voices drifted out from the great room punctuated by equally subdued laughter. Draco and Narcissa sat on one of the couches, and Mr Malfoy and Mr Nott across from them. All had tea spare Draco, who sipped instead from a coffee cup.
They all looked up as she entered. Draco budged up to make room for her.
"Helka found you?" Narcissa asked.
"Ja," Dagmar replied. "I'm officially locked in."
"I'll go get your coffee," Draco told her. "The house elves were going to wait until you came back downstairs to pour it so it didn't get cold."
"Oh, thanks." Dagmar softened with a new smile before sitting down. When Draco was out of the room, she looked back around at Narcissa, Mr Malfoy, and Mr Nott. "You told him, then?"
They all nodded.
"I think he took it well enough," Mr Malfoy was the one to say. "It's hard to tell right now. With everything else going on, who really has the emotional room to process something like that?"
"He seemed happy you two sorted things out," Mr Nott said.
"A little surprised, which. . ." Narcissa shrugged as she and Mr Malfoy shared a look. "It didn't take long for that to dry up, at least. He just left it at 'whatever makes you happy'."
"He's matured significantly since the last time he and I really saw each other." Mr Malfoy stifled a yawn. Dagmar wasn't sure she'd ever seen him dressed in something like pyjama trousers and a dress robe. "I'm not sure his Azkaban visit counts. We couldn't really talk."
Dagmar wondered if there was harm at this point in telling Mr Malfoy that he and Draco had indeed been eavesdropped on. There were three Aurors in the room with them. Rather than wonder if it was allowed or not, Dagmar opted to start properly tucking into her dinner.
"He really has," Narcissa replied to Mr Malfoy with a sigh. "In ways, he feels like a completely different man from the boy we raised. I suppose he didn't have much choice but to step up for himself when you and I were so suddenly gone."
"It was the same for both of us," Dagmar said after swallowing. "We had each other, as well as a really good support system with our friends. There was Mr Clayton and Mrs Keene too, and then Dumbledore."
"He took you two under his wing then, or how did that work?" Mr Malfoy asked with a glance at the nearest Auror. They didn't seem to mind them discussing it, but were certainly paying close attention to all that was said.
"Draco and I were being watched at school last year," Dagmar replied. "Theo, Crabbe, and Goyle too. It was mostly Potter I think, but Ron Weasley and Hermione had also joined the Order over summer. Draco and I just wanted to get through the year and out of dodge, so we resisted whatever kind of attempts Potter made at talking to us about it. Things happened anyway. Hermione mentioned something to me before the Easter holiday about how they all wanted to find Narcissa too—" Dagmar glanced at her, "—and then Andie and Ted wanted to meet us. We ended up joining the Order since we had no one left at home to protect."
"I assumed that had to be the case when Draco mentioned Magnus Norheim during our visit in Azkaban." Just as Mr Malfoy said that, Draco returned with Dagmar's coffee. "I didn't know how else he would've heard that name."
"Maybe if I turned to You-Know-Who instead of Dumbledore after you and Mum were gone." Draco set Dagmar's coffee on the end table beside her.
"I imagine the Dark Lord would've told you the situation, if you'd taken his mark." Mr Malfoy paused. "I'm glad you didn't. I doubted you would after how we parted ways summer before last, but I think we've all in this room done things we didn't want to."
"Speaking of summer before last," Draco replied. "Was there something you wanted to say to me about all that?"
"Yes." Mr Malfoy folded his arms. "Although I would prefer to do so in private."
"Okay." Draco sipped his coffee. He'd topped it up while getting Dagmar's. "You were trying to warn me in Azkaban, weren't you? That something would happen to Dagmar if someone tried to kill You-Know-Who?"
Mr Malfoy nodded. "I didn't want you involved, and I knew that eventually we would be broken out of Azkaban. The Dark Lord and Bella could continue the search for Bjorn unaided, but they wouldn't be able to extract the fragment of soul inside Dagmar without Hildegard. If they came for her, I saw no reason why Rod and I would be left behind."
"Why did you tell me that you wouldn't be at Azkaban long?" Draco asked. "You knew someone was listening."
"I suspected as much. Who?"
"Potter."
"Ah." Mr Malfoy barely blinked at the confirmation. "I hoped you would take it to mean that I had things under control, and that I could do more for the situation even stuck in Azkaban than you could outside of it. I didn't take for granted that I was aware of every spy the Dark Lord had, so I erred on the side of caution against telling you anything more than not to get involved or worry about it. If the Dark Lord saw any sign at all that either Hildegard or I talked—Rod wouldn't, he was too devoted—it would complicate things once we were free again. I suspected that Bella would be used as a failsafe during the transfer in case Hildegard didn't do it properly. I believe I was right, considering the Dark Lord refused to do the transfer down in the Chamber of Secrets. He intended Bella to kill Dagmar if Hildegard tried anything funny."
Even with warm coffee in her stomach, Dagmar went a little cold on the inside. She never trusted Bellatrix, but it was still unnerving.
"So. . ." Dagmar spoke, frowning slightly as she thought. "What did you think my mum was going to do? Just go along? How were you planning to stop it?"
"I didn't know your mother intended to shatter his soul, or even that that was really a thing," Mr Malfoy replied. "I had a very strong feeling that she and Erik weren't fully invested in what the Dark Lord wanted to do. I suspected the plan was to first of all find Bjorn. Once we did, the soul fragment in the Dark Lord's body would be moved over. Bjorn's soul would be removed and held onto by Hildegard, as would have been expected if she intended to carry him again. We would find Dagmar and extract the other soul fragment. Bella would play her part, which would have the Dark Lord complete inside Bjorn's body, Dagmar free, and then Bjorn being essentially held in reserve. I expected then that someone would hit the Dark Lord with a Killing Curse. His soul would be ejected from Bjorn's body. Then Hildegard would've been able to put Bjorn back into it.
"But. . ." he sighed. "It's apparently not that easy. Hildegard said over dinner that the body would be dead. Otherwise we could have done it already for you now."
Dagmar was too tired to really absorb all that. "It makes me so uncomfortable sometimes to think about how absolutely little we were aware of. I never realized just how painfully close I was to all of this."
"It wasn't much different from the perspective of a parent," Mr Malfoy replied. "That's why we did all that we could to make sure you kids stayed out of it. It was far too complicated a situation. I like to think it would've been manageable still had Hugo and Everett not been overheard talking about Ramstad Manor. Without the raid, without Hugo and Everett forced to turn. . ."
"Ja," Dagmar glumly agreed.
She wasn't the only one too emotionally exhausted to go into all the politics and logistics of the situation. Mr Malfoy made no move to build on the things he'd said. The room stayed quiet until Narcissa brought up moving more of her and Mr Malfoy's things from Bergen. That topic didn't last long once Mr Malfoy suggested they wait and see if there was a point. Madam Bones intended to come by the next morning to begin debriefing them all. They would double as interviews for when they were all judged by the Wizengamot. Dagmar's stomach flopped anew to learn that she too would be going in front of them.
"But why?" she asked. "I didn't do anything."
"You were on the island," Mr Malfoy said. "You were unfortunately involved."
"If it makes you feel any better, Madam Bones said your trial would most likely just consist of that being stated for the record," Mr Nott added. "There's not a single witness to say you were there willingly, or had gone there willingly. Any sort of action you—as in your body—did, wasn't because you were in control of it."
Still, it made Dagmar nervous. There were too many people that went to Azkaban when they shouldn't. Wasn't it enough for her to suffer Voldemort inside of her?
She stayed mostly quiet until she and Draco returned to his room a bit later. When the two of them had crawled into bed, Dagmar curled up against Draco's chest. His fingers in her hair eased her eyes closed. Some of the tension in her shoulders melted.
"That was the first I heard of it too," Draco said.
"I don't think it's fair."
"It isn't, but Mr Nott was right. Kingsley and Potter both saw how you lost control of your body. Kingsley was on the island when you came back conscious. There was everyone at Hogwarts when they hit."
"Ja."
"Let's just worry about one thing at a time."
Dagmar lightly scratched at Draco's back. "You don't seem too fazed about how your parents sorted things out with their marriage."
"I don't know that I expected them to reconcile. Until this morning, I thought my father was as devoted as the rest of the Death Eaters. If Madam Bones and all them are open to something different, then I guess I can be too. I'm curious what my father will say about when he hit me."
"Me too. I talked to him a bit on the island, but not about that." Dagmar paused. "You're okay about Mr Nott too?"
"I already knew something was going on there, so whatever. Aunt Bella ripped that bandage off pretty quickly, didn't she?"
Dagmar snorted.
"I don't really care. They're all adults. They can figure out however they want to have a relationship. The only thing I'm not too sure about is Theo."
Dagmar moved her head enough away from Draco's chest to meet his gaze. "You think he won't approve of it?"
"Not that." Draco scoffed. "I think he'll have a bloody field day with it when he finds out."