A/N: I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and through my research and doctor's visits, I want to kind of write about something that could very possibly happen to me in the future. This is definitely not a happy tale…not at all.
The End of the Line
It was a regular afternoon, at least in Kagome's mind. She was sitting in the park just down the street from her home.
"Mommy, mommy!" A little boy screamed, pointing vigorously at the ice cream cart wheeling past the playground.
"Just a second sweetie, let Mommy see if she has any change" She called back to him. The boy stood impatiently in the middle of the playground, eyes wide with excitement at the possibility of enjoying a cold ice cream cone. She must have found a few dollars because she got up and made her way to flag down the man wheeling the cart.
"Sir! Can I buy some ice cream?" She asked politely, her little boy running and crashing into her leg.
"What type of ice cream would you like?" He said, he gestured to the "menu" on the side of the ice cream truck. All the bright colored decorated ice cream character desserts. An array of superheroes, princesses, and TV cartoon characters were all displayed.
"I want Batman" the boy said enthusiastically, pointing at the grey and black decorated ice cream treat.
"Coming right up!" The ice cream man dug deep into his cart, pulling out a Batman dessert. He handed it to the little boy and then looked up at the mother and said, "$1.75, please". She handed him $2 and insisted he keep the change.
"Thank you ma'am" He said graciously, and then went about his business making his way around the cart. That scene made Kagome's heart flutter, although she wasn't sure if it was her heart or the baby's first kick.
"Is that you, little one?" Kagome cooed, rubbing the top of her belly with love. Ever since she had found out she was pregnant, she was awaiting a sign that her baby was coming. All she wanted was a little boy or girl to love and dress up in adorable outfits. Sesshomaru told her to stay calm, and wait to see what they got. She was not showing any signs because she was barely pregnant.
She had been taking Clomid for awhile now, to try and increase my fertility. Ever she was diagnosed with PCOS; she had been trying to get pregnant. Her doctor had warned her of all the risks of getting pregnant and maintaining pregnancy.
Kagome's phone begins wailing "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke.
"Hello babe" Sesshomaru said regally. Kagome smiled and it made her heart flutter.
"Hey Sesshie, how are you?" She replied, looking away from the park for a second.
"I'm good, thinking about you and the baby" Sess confessed, Kagome was so happy. She hadn't told anyone because she was nervous to jinx the situation.
"We're doing well, I'm going to feed the little one in a minute" Kagome said.
"Something healthy, I'm assuming" Sesshomaru declared.
"Yes of course, I don't want to get gestational diabetes. I am doing a salad with light vinaigrette and tomatoes with Smart water" Kagome answered.
"Sounds tasty, and what about your exercise for the day?" He questioned, she could hear soft murmurs on Sesshomaru's end of the line.
"I am taking a walk around the park and then I am going home to mama" She answered, waiting for him to reply on his end.
"Take it easy babe, don't push yourself too hard" Sesshomaru said seriously.
"I am taking it simple, no jogging, no exertion, I promise" Kagome said reassuringly. Sesshomaru said his usual goodbye, and then he got off the phone. She got off the seat slowly, and walked around the length of the playground again before she headed home.
When she unlocked the front door to her mother's house, Mrs. Higurashi was awaiting her with lunch on the table.
"Kagome, you are early!" Mrs. Higurashi said, clearly shocked.
"Yup, I watched the children for a little while then I wanted to come back. I promised to take it easy" Kagome said.
"Oh ok, I made the salad for you. How are you feeling?" Her mother asked, setting the table with her own table.
"I'm good mom, I'm only 2 and a half months along" Kagome giggled. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel. She kept a diary of her meals, exercise, morning sickness, and mood. Her mom was kind of excited, her eldest daughter having her first baby.
"I can't wait to be a grandma. I want to go shopping for the nursery soon" Her mom continued, rambling on as if Kagome hadn't said anything at all.
"Well, hold your horses. Sesshomaru and I don't want to tell anyone until the baby shower" Kagome hesitated. The doctors had warned her that the baby wasn't in the clear until after the end of the first trimester.
"When is the baby shower then? Souta is going to be excited to be an uncle" Mrs. Higurashi squealed.
"Not until I'm in my 5th month, I don't want to be going back telling everyone else that I lose the baby" Kagome insisted.
"You won't Kagome, you got pregnant and now you have been on such a healthy regime; always eating the right foods, taking your prenatal vitamins, getting proper rest and exercise, and being stress-free. Sesshomaru has made this pregnancy start off on the right foot. There should be no reason that you lose this baby" Mrs. Higurashi insisted.
"It doesn't have to be because of anything that I have done. PCOS is a disease, it can affect me in any way, shape, or form. I can just drop it for any reason" Kagome uttered. She looked visibly shaken and on the verge of tears. Mrs. Higurashi got up from the table and wrapped her arms around Kagome lovingly.
"Don't worry, you won't. Besides, you've been feeling fine so far. Why don't you eat your lunch and then go down for a nap, ok?" She said, nuzzling the top of Kagome's head.
"Ok mama" Kagome gave up, then she ate up the rest of her little salad. It was bland and boring, but it was safe and healthy. At the end of the day, suffering for the next 6 and a half months would be worth it. Holding her bouncing bundle of joy, a beautiful baby girl or a bubbly little boy, would be amazing. She had already designed the perfect nursery in her mind.
Little zoo animals on the wall, giraffes and elephants, floating above the baby's crib, a nice yellow crib, with a mobile hanging above the crib. She had been using Pinterest to find the perfect nursery design and baby clothes. She had made a secret board on the Pinterest site to hide it from Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru told her not to get excited, not to start looking around things, not to buy anything for the baby, but she couldn't help it. She was excited.
Kagome went to lie down. She was woken a few hours later to soft whispers she could hear down stairs.
"Kagome needs to stay and live with me. She needs emotional stability and supervision. You work 10-12 hour days, and weekends. How can you take care of Kagome right now?" She could hear her mother whispering harshly.
"Kagome is my wife and the mother of my future child. She deserves the best and she needs the best. If she wants to move back home with you, she can. But I am not going to force my wife to stay here if she wants to return home with me" Sesshomaru said formally.
"Kagome does not know what's best. Hormonal imbalance, moodiness, paranoia, anxiety. She is a walking time bomb. Today, all we talked about was her miscarrying the baby. She's going to stress herself out into a miscarriage" Mrs. Higurashi said, determined to stress her point.
"Kagome is not insane. She may be a little off edge, but she has never made a decision that harmed her or the baby. Have faith in your daughter" Sesshomaru said dismissively. He paced away from Mrs. Higurashi, peering to make sure there was no noise coming from the staircase.
"Kagome isn't insane, but she might not be in the best mindset to be left alone. I was nervous to let her go to the park by herself but she insisted it was fine" Mrs. Higurashi started.
"I called her during her walk, she was fine" Sesshomaru interjected. Mrs. Higurashi nodded.
"I know, Kagome is a big girl. She's taking the entire thing wonderfully. Being diagnosed with PCOS two years ago, I thought I was going to lose my daughter to this disease. You remember how she was…" Mrs. Higurashi said sadly.
"I do" Sesshomaru grunted, the pain was gruesome to remember. Kagome was a shell of a woman back then, but through medication, counseling, and Sesshomaru's love, she recovered gracefully.
"She was a wreck; depressed, crying all the time, afraid to leave the house, about to throw away her engagement with you, she was a mess" Mrs. Higurashi continued, barely able to handle the fact that her daughter was only a year away from that.
"She is past that now. She lost the weight, recovered from her depression, managed her eating habits, gained an exercise regime, and married me, despite all that. And God has continued to bless us with the ability to start a family. We are expecting a little one pretty soon that Kagome is going to love and care for, because she is a wonderful wife and will be a wonderful mother. Allow Kagome to experience all that she can right now. She may be stressed and upset, but she will pull through" Sesshomaru finished.
"When she comes down for dinner, let her know what her options are. She'll take it better from you than from me" Mrs. Higurashi said, strolling back over to her tea pot. Kagome had heard all she could from them, so she wandered down the stairs in a pretend haze.
"Up from your nap, Kagome?" Mrs. Higurashi called to her. Kagome nodded, wiping pretend sleep from her eyes.
"Yup, I am feeling great" Kagome lied, wanting to avoid this conversation between her, her mother, and her husband.
"Kagome, darling, I wanted to talk to you about something" Sesshomaru began, delicately touching Kagome's back. She felt a twinge of pain in the lower back but she ignored it.
"Yes?" Kagome feigned curiosity, but she was filling up with dread pretty quickly. Her mother really did want her to move in, to be with her permanently but she loved her husband. How could she be away from him so long?
"Your mother and I have been discussing how much time you've been spending alone. We think it's best if you move back home for awhile while I finish working out this business deal at work" Sesshomaru said. Kagome could see from his eyes that the words weren't sincere. Kagome glanced over at her mother briefly, to see her smile and nod in agreement.
"Permanently? I mean you haven't been working that much. I can handle being home for a few hours by myself" Kagome responded.
"I don't think so. You should be here with me; we can take walks together, I can prepare healthy lunches, and you can spend more time with Souta. He'll be back from summer camp next Friday" Mrs. Higurashi exclaimed. Kagome's eyes began to water but she refused to cry.
"Souta needs a big sister in his life. You can explain the changes going on during your pregnancy and get him sold on the idea of being an uncle" Mrs. Higurashi continued, she was trying so hard to just convince her daughter.
"What if I don't want to stay here, mama?" Kagome asked, she felt trapped between her husband and her mother.
"Why not? It's safe. Sesshomaru could just as easily come get you and take you home on nights he gets off early" Mama Higurashi promised.
"I don't want to leave my husband, I love spending nights in his arms and waking up to his breakfasts. I can't have that same experience here. I love you mama, but I love my husband too" Kagome answered.
"I'm not asking you to give up your husband, or your family. But Sesshomaru can't help you if something happens while he's away. You'd be safer with me" Mrs. Higurashi guaranteed.
"Why don't I spend days here and nights at home? Sesshomaru can drop me off when he goes to work and pick me up after work" Kagome suggested, it would give her mom the sense of security she longed for and Sesshomaru the time he needed.
"What time would you be here?" Mrs. Higurashi asked. Kagome looked at Sesshomaru for assistance.
"8 am to 6 pm, roughly" Sesshomaru offered, forgetting that Kagome is not aware of the hours of his business.
"That's perfect. 3 square meals a day here with me. Souta will be so excited. I can go fix up your old room again just perfect" Mama Higurashi got excited. Kagome was feeling suddenly drained, and her back pain flared up again.
"Can we go home now? I'll be over Monday morning at 8 am" Kagome said, standing up with her back in an awkward position.
"IS your back ok?" Mrs. Higurashi demanded, she noticed every little thing about Kagome.
"Yes mama, I must have just slept at a funny angle" Kagome brushed it off. Kagome hugged her mother goodbye, and then Sesshomaru took her by the hand outside.
"Your mother is as charming as usual" Sesshomaru said nonchalantly, once they were comfortable in the car.
"She has a way of persuading people to do her bidding. I know she talked to you while I was napping" Kagome confessed.
"I wanted to give you the final option; your mother means well by her pushing this" Sesshomaru responded.
"I think it'll make her feel much better if I stay with her part of the day, and stay with you at night. At least you know I won't be doing anything dangerous, I'll be eating right and exercising daily. It won't be a big deal" Kagome tried to play it off, but even then she couldn't be sure that she was making the right choice. Having her mother smother her like she was still a kid was annoying. Being pregnant made her more cautious, but it didn't mean she was fragile. She was 25 years old, married to a 30-year old CEO of a corporation of businesses. She had her Bachelor's degree in Business Administration and she was going to use her degree once she done having her child.
Kagome and Sesshomaru drove home, but she was still feeling that dull ache in the car. Her back was bothering her more than it should. She was barely far enough along . She sat down gently on the couch to watch TV.
"Is everything alright? You've been quiet since we got home" Sesshomaru asked gently, Kagome looked up to meet his loving eyes.
"My back has been bothering me for the last couple of hours, but I'm sure it's nothing" Kagome answered, flipping through the channels.
"Have you been resting enough lately?" He questioned.
"Of course, I haven't done anything today besides rest" Kagome hissed. She was tired of being treated like a doll all the time.
"I was merely asking…" Sesshomaru backed off a bit. Kagome rolled to the edge of the couch to get up so she could go playfully smack him. She was sure he was worrying needlessly.
"Kagome…are you spotting?" Sesshomaru inquired. Kagome looked down at the couch to see a few droplets of blood against the couch.
"I didn't think so…should I call the doctor?" Kagome asked, her panic level was about to shoot through the roof but she tried to remain strong.
"I'll call, go ahead and change clothes" Sesshomaru replied, picking up his cell.
"Hi doctor Ramirez. My wife, Kagome, is experiencing spotting and lower back pain. She wasn't sure if she should head on to the doctor's for a checkup or should she wait until tomorrow?" He asked. Kagome couldn't hear what was being said on the other line.
"Alright, we will see you in a little while" Sesshomaru concluded. So Kagome swapped out her pants for a comfy pair of sweats.
"What did the doctor say?" Kagome asked nervously. Sesshomaru's face portrayed no emotion.
"Just to confirm that you are 100% ok, you can come in for a check-up" Sesshomaru answered calmly. Kagome scooped up her purse and hopped in the car with Sesshomaru. They drove in car in silence. Kagome could barely sit still. Her hands were shaking out of control and she was afraid she was still spotting. Spotting during pregnancy didn't have to mean anything, but that back pain was persistent and she was afraid that she was losing the baby.
"Relax Kagome, I love you. Don't worry about a thing" Sesshomaru promised. He had a nurse bring a wheelchair to the front of the hospital so she wouldn't have to walk very far.
"Are you still experiencing pain in your back, Mrs. Taisho?" The nurse asked softly. Kagome nodded, the pain hadn't gotten any worse but it definitely didn't ease up either.
"Any more spotting?" The nurse asked, she wasn't giving any indication of that was a good or a bad thing.
"I'm not sure. I put on a panty liner just in case" Kagome promised. The nurse scribbled something down on the chart once they entered the hospital room and had Kagome strip down to the hospital gown.
"Take a seat in here and the doctor will be in right away" The nurse promised.
Several Days Later….
Kagome awoke in her old room, in her mother's house. She pealed back her fluffy pink blanket, looking at the condition of her body. Her wrists had some scratches on them, and she was dressed in a long nightshirt, but she was otherwise just fine. But being fully awake reminded Kagome of her situation.
Kagome couldn't believe it. She no longer had the fluttery feelings in her tummy with the thought of her baby on her mind. She was empty…barren…and who knew how long it'd be again before she could get pregnant again. If she could get pregnant again? Her doctor had rambled off a list of fertility pills, surgeries to put little holes in her ovaries, etc, but none of those options seemed interesting to her.
Kagome sat staring longingly at the wall, her hand still resting on her belly as it had done before, but it didn't feel the same.
"Kagome, baby, I brought some tea" Mama Higurashi said, faking a smile. Kagome's gaze never strayed from her gaze at the wall.
"Kagome, I need you to drink a little bit for me. Sesshomaru called too, you should call him back" Mama kept talking, hoping her soothing voice would wake Kagome from her stupor.
"Kagome…..Kagome…" She continued saying, but Kagome was lost in her own world.
((Flashback begins)))
"Either way, this baby is a miracle" Kagome insisted, so relieved when her pregnancy test finally showed the + sign. She had been trying everything, ever since she was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome), she didn't think she could get pregnant.
"What were you taking to get pregnant?" Sango demanded, Kagome flipped over the label in one of her bottoms.
"Clomid, my doctor prescribed it to me and it's been working to make me ovulate. I started exercising again" Kagome said into the phone.
"Well congrats girlie, I'm excited for you. How are you gonna tell Sess?" Sango asked.
"I'm not sure yet, I'm trying to be creative. He's been super stressed out at work and been staying out super late" Kagome confessed, Sango grunted on the other end of the line.
"How did you get pregnant then? Magic?!" Sango chuckled.
"I've been making some trips to the office, late at night…let's just say that things are better on top of a desk" Kagome laughed, Sango was busting up laughing on the phone.
"I gotta go, Miroku just came through the door. Figure out how to tell Sesshomaru and then tell me when I can post the good news on Facebook. I'm gonna be a 'godmother'" Sango said, super excited.
"Hold off on this for a little bit, I'll text you and let you know what's going on. Love you bestie!" Kagome said, hanging up. She threw the pregnancy stick away into the trash can and then put some clothes on. She was taking her time getting dressed, not jumping up and down into her jeans like she normally would.
((end of flashback))
"She's been like this for hours, she is not responsive at all" Kagome could hear it being said behind her.
"Thanks for calling me, Mrs. Higurashi. Let me talk to her for a moment" Sango responded.
"Kagome, its Sango. Can you hear me?" Sango began gently prodding.
"San-go" Kagome murmured, her eyes weakly tried to lock on Sango's face but her eyes were roaming around the room.
"Yes, it's me. How are you bestie? Your mom called me to say that you weren't doing so well" Sango answered.
"I'm ok, just…numb" Kagome uttered. Sango rubbed her shoulders nicely, trying to see if she'd respond to touch.
"Sesshomaru called, he's been wanting to see you since the…" Sango trailed off.
"I…I can't deal with him right now" Kagome said, her eyes able to recognize Sango. Sango's face was riddled with emotions: worry, fear, anxiety, and sleeplessness.
"He wants to be here for you, to comfort you. He misses you" Sango continued, Kagome's watery eyes confirmed that she was understanding the consequences of her actions.
"I can't see him" Kagome stressed. Her heart was pumping in overdrive and she didn't know why she felt so adversely about her husband; her loving, trusting, caring husband.
"Kagome, please, then just call him back. He wants to talk to you. That incident at the hospital was harsh" Sango said softly.
Kagome's face scrunched up as she tried to recollect what happened at the hospital.
(flashback))
" , can you hear me ma'am?" A nurse gently shook Kagome.
"Auugh" Kagome grumbled, struggling to keep her eyes open. Sesshomaru was sitting there on her left, his hand gently holding hers. She could see the wires, an IV in her arm, oxygen coming through her nose, wires snaking up and down her body in all sorts of directions.
"Am I…ok?" Kagome asked, her eyes darting down to her stomach. She could see her little bump in front of her tummy, but she couldn't feel anything. Between the medicines and her nerves, it's like she was numb all over.
"Yes Mrs. Taisho, you are perfectly well. I am glad to report that you will be making a full recovery. However, the baby was not as fortunate. You had a miscarriage" The nurse reported, looking at her chart.
"No!" Kagome shouted, she attempted to sit up in bed but her stomach was aching and she felt like her entire body was on fire.
"Kagome, we can always try again" Sesshomaru attempted to soothe her but she flailed out of his reach.
"No! Why didn't you do all you could? That was my miracle baby" Kagome shouted, looking back between the nurse and Sesshomaru.
"We did, Kagome. But the baby was not going to survive. We had to take measures to make sure that we got the remaining tissue and pregnancy materials out of you, so that you could have a chance to have another baby in the future" The nurse tried to explain but Kagome wasn't listening. She began yanking at the wires that had her poked and prodded at every point in her body.
"Mrs. Taisho, please don't remove those. Mr. Taisho, can you help me restrain her?" The nurse demanded, she pulled out a tiny needle and stuck it into Kagome's arm, as Sesshomaru held her arm steadily. Kagome struggled against Sesshomaru for a few more moments, then she began to fall asleep.
"Will she be ok?" Sesshomaru demanded.
"Yes…when she wakes up, we'll have her restrained" the nurse answered, making sure that Kagome couldn't hurt herself or anyone else anymore.
(end of flashback)
"Here, you can use my cell" Sango offered, pulling out her BlackBerry Z.
"Where is mine?" Kagome asked, looking around the room. He room felt different; beside the bed that she was sleeping in, she could not see anything else familiar. Many of her clothes were missing, and her room was stripped of all the electronics.
"Your mom thought it'd be better if you had some quiet time in here. I can go ask her for it" Sango offered, but Kagome shook her head.
"I can use yours, that's fine" Kagome gave in. Kagome typed in Sesshomaru's number, and then waited as it rang.
"Hello Sango, how is my wife?" Sesshomaru asked. Kagome took a deep breath before she began talking.
"I'm fine Sesshomaru" Kagome said, trying to keep her voice steady. She felt like crying again, because Sesshomaru is a reminder of the life she was supposed to have but couldn't.
"Kagome", His voice peaked then calmed down into his usual regal tone "I want to come get you. If you're ok with that" He suggested. Kagome took another deep breath.
"I don't want to see you" Kagome cut in rudely. Sesshomaru remained silent on the phone for a little while, before he spoke again.
"I am sorry for restraining you. I was worried you'd hurt yourself" Sesshomaru explained, she could hear the vulnerability in his voice.
"It's not about restraining me. I think it's better if I stay with my mom. I can have her get some of my things from the house" Kagome continued.
"I can have some clothes sent over. How long should I expect you to be there?" Sesshomaru questioned.
"I am moving out. I need ALL of my things" Kagome insisted. Sesshomaru snapped his fingers and reported something to a servant within his house.
"I will bring over some of your clothes, see you shortly" Sesshomaru said. Kagome handed the phone back over to Sango, who looked completely dumbfounded.
"Are you breaking up with Sesshomaru?" Sango gasped.
"I can't be a mother, and so there is no point in being a wife either. Sesshomaru and I cannot get past this" Kagome said, sounding deranged.
"You can try again, or adopt, or try foster kids. Sesshomaru loves you for you, not for children that you may or may not have" Sango tried to explain.
"He's bringing my clothes and I'll tell him the same thing. Let Mama know that he's coming. She doesn't like unexpected visitors" Kagome said, looking for a change of clothes.
"Alright…" Sango agreed, and left the room. Kagome found a comfy pair of sweats to throw on under her nightshirt and she said comfortably on the bed. A heavy knock hit the door.
"Come in Sesshomaru" Kagome said, and there was her husband. He wasn't looking like someone who had come from work. He was wearing jeans and a casual button-up shirt.
"Kagome" Sesshomaru said, her name rolled off his mouth like butter. He placed a bag of what appeared to be clothes on the floor beside the bed.
"Did you bring clothes?" She asked, ignoring him completely. Sesshomaru didn't answer her, he just scooped her up in his arms like a child. He took her spot on the bed and held Kagome in his arms.
"I did" He finally responded, his head buried in her neck. Kagome missed this.
"Sess…our baby…." Kagome cried, the waterworks starting all over again.
"We don't need a baby right now, there's still 10 more years that you are in peak fertility. You can try more meds, try surgery, and we don't have to have kids either. I just want you" Sesshomaru said.
"You say that now but…" Kagome begin but Sesshomaru abruptly cut in.
"But nothing. You are my wife, the love of my life, and the only person in this world that matters to me. I married you for you, not for the children we might have" Sesshomaru chided. Kagome sat there, weeping more into Sesshomaru's nice button-up shirt.
"Sesshomaru…Kagome…" Mrs. Higurashi said softly, Kagome looked up through her blurred vision to see her mother and her best friend standing in the door way.
"Yes Mrs. Higurashi?" Sesshomaru responded, shielding Kagome from their direct view. Kagome moved out from his lap and onto the bed.
"Is everything alright?" Sango asked. Kagome nodded softly.
"I'm fine now, I don't know what came over me" Kagome apologized, she laced her fingers in-between Sesshomaru's.
"Grieve, perhaps. You gave us a fright when you called Sesshomaru" Her mother replied.
"Yes, I told her how strange you were talking" Sango confessed, and Mrs. Higurashi nodded her confirmation.
"None of that matters now. I am taking Kagome home with me" Sesshomaru said briskly. He stood up and motioned to Kagome to follow, but she remained rooted on the bed.
"I want to stay here. And for you to stay with me" Kagome said firmly. She wasn't ready to go home, to face the loss of her baby once more.
"I'll bring more sheets and pillows. We can get Sesshomaru set up in the guest room" Mrs. Higurashi said, about to leave the room.
"No mama, I want Sesshomaru to stay in here with me" Kagome insisted. Mrs. Higurashi said nothing in response.
"If you think you'll feel better…" She finally consented.
"May I stay in the guest room instead?" Sango chimed in. She didn't want to be far from her best friend. Mrs. Higurashi looked over at her slowly.
"Of course Sango, I'll go freshen it up for you" Mrs. Higurashi smiled and scurried out of the room. Sesshomaru excused himself to make a few phone calls. With Sango and Kagome left in the room together, Sango joined her on the bed.
"Thank you Sango, you know, for staying" Kagome said.
"It's nothing, what are besties for?!" Sango laughed, wrapping her arms tightly over her friend.