A few notes about this story:

There are trigger warnings in the description for a reason. Please read with caution if you think these issues will affect you. I only write as I have gone through these things myself and wish to share, especially if others might enjoy reading this story. If you don't think this is for you, please don't read. I don't want to cause anyone pain or discomfort.

Things that may/probably will be included in this story: depression, anxiety attacks, self-harm, talks of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, a possible suicide attempt.

If you are prepared to continue reading, I hope you enjoy.

Leilani

It didn't matter how many times my friends told me there was nothing to be ashamed of, coming home was humiliating. The video chat with my parents was hard enough.

"So, why didn't the shop job work out exactly?" my dad asked, the pixelated frown making his wrinkles even more prominent than usual.

I swallowed and took a breath. "They don't need me anymore." It wasn't a lie. Being let go definitely meant they wouldn't need me anymore.

"Redundancy then. I hope they are paying you for that, Leilani." He said at once, always up to date with the laws.

"No, dad," I sighed. "You don't get redundancy for being a temp."

He shook his head. "I knew that place wasn't good enough for you. You can do better than selling sweat shop clothes."

"Sorry," my mum smiled sadly. "You'll find something else."

Yeah, the third job in six months. Just the idea of a fourth made me want to drop off the face of the Earth. I tried not to fall apart yet, and forced the next words to come out of my mouth. It was now or never. "Actually, I was hoping that maybe I could," I paused, "come home?"

"Of course, love," my mum said.

My dad raised his eyebrows a bit, surprised. "What about your Masters?"

"I've spoken to Uni," I replied, quickly. "They said I can transfer and finish up my dissertation and everything at Metro Uni. Since I'm not that far into the course it would be fine. I'd just have to catch up with some lectures which wouldn't be too bad."

My parents glanced at each other. I could tell neither of them were expecting me to come back after Uni, especially since I had shouted "I'm never coming back to this city" in the street outside one drunken night.

"Leilani," my mum said gently, which is how I knew she was going to say something difficult. "If I come and pick you up and bring you home, and once everything's cleared with your landlord-. You know it wouldn't really be possible to change your mind? We need to know now; this is something you want to happen?"

I leant back into the pillows against the headboard of my bed and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I want to come home. Please."

"This hasn't got anything to do with that boy has it?" my dad cut in.

"Lewis?" I laughed, "No." Yes. Ok, not completely. Just slightly. It was him, my ex-boyfriend, who made me realise how messed up I was in the first place. Which led me to think about how messed up I was so much I couldn't hold down a job for more than a few weeks anymore.

My mum didn't look convinced. "Really?"

"No," I said again. "It's me, it's-," I chewed my bottom lip. "I think there's something wrong with me."

My dad shook his head, "There's nothing wrong with you, Leilani."

"Ok."

"Everyone goes through difficult times." He said.

I found that hard to believe, but I didn't have the energy to argue with him. Even if a medical professional told him I was dying, he wouldn't believe them so long as I looked vaguely human.

"So, I can still come home, right?" I asked again.

My mum nodded, "Yes, of course. I'll come and pick you up."

A few days later all my stuff was packed and sorted out the flat with my housemates so I was no longer officially living there anymore. When my mum showed up at the door, my friend Evie helped me carry down my suitcase and boxes to the car.

In tears, she gave me a tight hug. "I'm really gunna miss you Lani," Evie cried.

"I love you," I told her, squeezing her back. "So much."

"I love you, too," she reluctantly let go, wiping her damp cheeks. "You'd better message me when you get there."

"I will," I promised, giving her one last hug goodbye.

I had no idea when I'd see her again. The drive would take six hours, which is why it would be so difficult for me to come back if I ever wanted to. I had no idea if I would. No idea if I even wanted to. Of course, I'd miss Evie and my other friends, but they would survive without me. And from past experience, usually moving away means an eventual decline in friendship over time.

After a few hours of talking in the car, we eventually ran out of things to say and I put my earphones in to listen to some music on my phone. I looked out the window, watching the built-up areas become countryside. My family lived outside a tiny city, amongst open fields and woodland areas. It wasn't too far from the coast either, meaning beach trips if the weather ever allowed it.

As we neared my new/old home, we travelled down a long winding road, with huge drives coming off it leading up to 'small' mansions. After a few more turns we had arrived.

Our house wasn't like one of those fancy mansions, but it wasn't small either. Thanks to my dad's job at the local authority, my family lived in a medium sized two-storey detached house, complete with a garden and garage large enough for both my parent's cars.

Naturally, my dad's car was missing when my mum pulled into the garage. He was almost always working.

My mum stopped the car and sighed. "Let's order dinner tonight, shall we? I'm exhausted."

I smiled and nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

She helped me bring all my things into the hallway and sat down on the sofa in the living room with her phone out to order the food. Picking up my suitcase I heaved it up the stairs to my old bedroom.

It overlooked the drive out the front and I was glad to see my soft black curtains were still hanging up. On the double mattress lay a pile of bed sheets and an uncovered duvet with some pillows. I left my suitcase near the door, taking in the space and remembering some of the time I'd spent in there.

The room smelt a bit dusty, so I sat down on the white cushioned window seat and opened one of the windows. I rested my back against the wall beside where the curtain was tucked and looked out into the night, deeply breathing in the cool air. I let it wash over my sweaty face, using one finger to push my glasses up my nose.

I'm alone, I thought. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing? Maybe it would be a good thing? At least with no one, there would be no one to feel sad if something were to happen to me, or if I was to disappear.

I glanced downwards at the drive below, wondering.

Nah, I wouldn't die. I might not even break anything.

What was I doing?

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, taking another deep breath, before pulling the window back so it was only open a few inches.

Turning back to the suitcase, I began to unpack.

Later, my mum and I ate pizza in front of the TV and I sent a message to Evie, letting her know that I had arrived. She sent me a few sobbing emojis.

After dinner, I had a shower and changed into my pyjamas and kept going. I was worried that if I stopped to take a break, all my emotions would come tumbling out into the open. I set up my games consoles and put away all my games on my inbuilt shelves around my TV. I put away all my Uni stuff into my desk drawers, put my laptop on the top of the desk, hung up all my clothes, and made my bed. Everything was basically put away. I didn't have much stuff.

Finally, I flopped down onto my bed. It was only nine pm, but I didn't feel like playing anything. I never did these days. Instead I slid under the covers with my phone and carried on watching some Let's Play of a roleplaying game online. There was over a hundred hours of videos which the user had uploaded so it was a good way to kill some time, although it made me feel bad if I watched it too long.

Despite how much I'd done, and all the travelling that day, it still took forever to get to sleep. It was past midnight when my eyes began to close and I couldn't concentrate on the video anymore. I paused it, put my phone on my bedside table and rolled over to go to sleep.

The next day I was wide awake when the sky was still dimly blue between the cracks in the curtains. Before even checking my phone, I guessed it was around five, which turned out to be correct. With a groan, I proceeded to scroll through social media and watched videos for a couple of hours. I didn't get out of bed until it was a 'normal' time to make a cup of tea.

"What are you going to do today?" my mum asked me as she ate from a bowl of cereal in her coat. It was a Monday so she was going to be working.

I shrugged, blowing on my scalding hot tea and leaning against one of the counters.

"You could go for a walk? Maybe go into the city?" she suggested, turning her back to me so she could rise her bowl in the sink.

"Maybe." I said, listening to the water gushing from the tap.

She opened the dishwasher and put the bowl inside.

"See you later, Leilani," she smiled, grabbed her handbag and left. I heard the front door shut and her car pulling out of the driveway.

I looked at the clock. It was barely eight. What now?

Jasper

Emmett slapped the side of the machine maybe a little too hard as I felt the vibration of the impact.

"You're a cheater." He exclaimed, a sour tone in his voice, but his eyes were full of warmth and I felt his humour. "Or maybe this thing is busted."

I rolled my eyes at him, leaning back in the seat and crossing my arms. "We've been over this. There is some element of chance in these things. It's not all skill, you know."

"No," he shook his head. "That's bullshit. There's no way. I totally cut you off and you still- ugh!" Emmett sat down in the seat at the other machine next to me. "No way. Rematch. Now."

I laughed. "Alright, it's your time."

He raised his eyebrows at me, looking very serious. "And you know my time is unlimited. Yep, we're gunna be here a while."

"Sure." I put a coin into the machine and waited for the game to start.

Emmett and I had made a habit of coming to the arcade after our Monday lectures since we had the rest of the day free. It was often pretty empty during the week so we could just chill out without too many prying eyes.

Just as the timer was counting down from thirty seconds, I saw someone else sit down at the end of the row and slide a coin into the machine. The screen changed to show that Emmett and I wouldn't be racing each other alone as a third driver popped up.

Emmett nudged me with his elbow and glanced at the girl at the end of the row. She looked our way, smiling and showing some cute dimples in her cheeks. My gaze lingered on her for a couple of seconds as I gave her a small smile back. I couldn't help it.

There wasn't much time, however, as the game began to start. I could feel Emmett's anticipation and excitement building as he already began pushing against the accelerator. I waited calmly, ready to go.

Three, two, one. The animated woman in a red miniskirt and matching crop top waved the flags and we were off. I smirked as I overtook Emmett almost immediately. A small growl came from his throat as he leant forward, almost like he was trying to make his car go faster.

I turned the corner, knocking over a lamppost and effectively shaving off a few seconds, except my smirk was soon wiped from my face. From the right a red car shot into me, scraping all down the side and cutting me off.

I glanced over at the girl, her unblinking eyes staring at the screen from behind her large glasses in concentration. I could hardly describe her emotions other than: fucking amazing. She felt unbelievable. It was nearly too much.

She was ahead of me now, speeding down the road in front.

"Ha!" Emmett shouted upon seeing the rankings on the right side of the screen.

I gripped the wheel. I couldn't lose to a human. I'd never live it down.

Pressing the accelerator as flat as it would go, I raced forwards, cutting every corner I could. Emmett was basically tailing me.

The bridge at the end of the track began to raise, ready for us to jump it, but I could already see a flash of red pixels flying over. Emmett was about to overtake me as well. I forced myself to concentrate so I at least wouldn't lose to him.

It wasn't enough.

Emmett made the jump on my left and was inches in front of me. On the left I saw the red car hit the finish, and seconds later Emmett followed with me milliseconds behind him.

Hands still on the steering wheel, I stared at the screen, barely taking in the animations. The rankings appeared and I saw she had been seconds ahead, with Emmett and I only two milliseconds apart. I frowned while my brother laughed like a maniac next to me.

"Bad luck, Jasper." He slapped my shoulder. "There is just that element of chance in these things."

I shook my head, "Shut up."

Past him I saw the girl leaning back in her seat and smiling brightly. She turned our way, smug. I couldn't blame her. She'd just beaten two vampires.

Emmett saw me looking at her, his eyebrows raised again. His expression was complete with an encouraging smile. "Come on. Go talk to her," he said, quietly enough that she wouldn't hear him. Not that it was difficult with all the noise from the arcade machines and the music.

"I can't." I told him.

"Why not? She just beat the crap out of us. Least we can do is say hi."

"What if-," But I didn't get to speculate what if, as she was making her way towards us. True, I could have spoken low so she wouldn't hear, however her wave of emotions became more intense the closer she got.

It wasn't just pride, there was anxiety, curiosity, loneliness, attraction, enjoyment, and a great sadness. There was a lot to take, like a large tumble of earth falling down onto me, trying to bury me. How could there be so much from such a young and pretty girl? She had to be at least twenty.

She smiled, a little nervous as she stood next to us.

"Hey," Emmett grinned, standing up and leaning on the seat so he wasn't towering over her, though he was still a foot above her.

"Hi," she said, playing with the strap on her tiny black shoulder bag. "Good game."

"Oh yeah, it was great." Emmett laughed. "I finally got to beat my bro."

She relaxed a little, seeing that we were friendly.

"It was a fluke." I shrugged. "I'm sure I'll beat you next time."

"You can't beat me if I never play you again." Emmett tapped the side of his temple.

She giggled, the sadness fading a bit into the background.

"What are you? Pussy?" I teased him.

Emmett's eyes widened. "Are you serious? Jas."

I twirled a pound coin between my fingers and then held it out towards him.

"Shit." He took it and put it into the machine before turning back to the girl. "You've gotta help me?"

"Ok," she nodded and took a seat on Emmett's other side.

Now there was twice the anticipation. I could hear her heart beating the adrenaline in her body as the game started up again. This time she was off as soon as the flags dropped.

"Oh ho oooooh," Emmett laughed, thoroughly enjoying it. I supposed he was happy to finally find someone who would be a challenge for me.

It was a fluke though. Surely. She couldn't win again. It was chance. These machines always played things up a bit to get you to pay more and try again. That's all it was.

The rankings came up. I was second. Just behind that girl again.

She let out a breath. "Beginners luck, I guess?"

I stared at her. "There's no way this is the first time you've played this game."

She brushed some of her short purple hair out of her face. It was just a bit longer than Alice's, covering her ears and going down her neck where it had grown out. "Well," she paused. "The first time in this arcade… on these machines."

Emmett snorted. "I knew it. What's your name by the way? I'm Emmett. This is Jasper."

"Leilani." She answered.

"Do you live here?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I just moved back yesterday. You?"

I nodded, "We go to Metro Uni."

"Me too."

"Right," Emmett cut in. "I think the victor deserves a prize."

Leilani eyed him, taken aback. "Um, it's ok."

"No, no. I was going to go and get some snacks anyways. You want a drink? Lemonade, coke…?" he offered.

"Oh, I guess, lemonade please?"

He stood up and left to go to the counter at the back where they had all the drinks and snacks, leaving the two of us alone. What a sneaky ass.

Leilani rubbed the back of her neck and looked away at the screen, nervous again.

"What are you studying?" I asked her, trying to put her at ease again. For some reason I didn't want to force it, curious to feel exactly how she was feeling. It was as if it was a way of getting to know her by her emotions.

"Writing," she said. "I'm doing my Masters."

"Oh," I was surprised she wasn't an undergrad.

"You?"

"History. Emmett's doing finance. My brothers and sisters all go there, too."

"How many brothers and sisters do you have?" she asked as Emmett came back with the food.

"A lot," he said, handing her the bottle of lemonade.

"Thanks," she opened it and took a mouthful.

"Let's see. There's Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and us." He listed.

I nodded. "Alice is doing finance with Emmett. Edward's doing psychology. And Rosalie is doing horticulture."

"That's cool you have a big family." There was a hint of jealousy.

"Yeah. It's nice."

Emmett sat down and turned his head, looking at the two of us in turn. "So. Rematch?"

"Hell yeah." Leilani adjusted herself in her seat, hands on the steering wheel.

Several games later, Leilani had only lost once, and even then, she had come in second place. She really was a match for me, and the three of us were having a lot of fun. More than I'd had in a while. Coming to the arcade with Emmett was great, and I loved being competitive with him, but this was something different. Something new.

"I should probably get going now." Leilani said. "I've run out of change."

Emmett held up a pound but she shook her head. "Nah, it's fine. Thank you though."

"No problem," he said. "You busy next Monday?"

She looked away for a moment, chewing her lip. "Umm… I'm not really sure yet. I think my lectures are in the evenings, so probably."

Taking a chance, I slid my phone out of my back pocket. "Maybe we can exchange numbers, so you can let us know?"

Leilani hesitated, and slowly nodded. "Ok, yeah." She opened her bag and pulled out her phone.

We said goodbye and once she'd left, I glanced at Emmett, kind of lost for words.

"That wasn't so hard."

I paused, unsure what to say. "What even just happened, Emmett?"

"You made a friend." He said slowly, mocking me.

I elbowed him. "Maybe."

"This isn't such a bad thing, bro. It will help us fit in."

"Maybe," I repeated, not convinced.

"We'll see," he said. "Or Alice will."

Hey everyone :) I'm sure me uploading this is a bit unexpected - it turns out I've fallen back into my twilight phase and now I'm writing this story for NaNowriMo. They'll likely be updates every few days, but this work will by no means be polished and probably with several mistakes here or there. I'll do my best, but I was hoping that by writing this it would get me back into it again and hopefully by uploading it I will keep up my motivation. So please, enjoy and review ^^