Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha and Naruto and the song "Fen Fei" by Yuki Hsu.
Author's Note: Well, for those who voted in the February poll, I only have two things to say. First, I'm sorry I didn't actually complete it in February. Second, this is not the usual conventional one-shot. This is an excerpt from a story that I've been working (though I'm not sure if I'll post the actual story). I know that the poll's general consensus was sweetly bitter (beginning with angst and ending with fluff); however, it's not going to work out that way. Since this is an excerpt, it kind of twists the standards. In other words, the story is sweetly bitter, but the excerpt is simply bitter. :( Sorry, please don't kill the messenger…or writer. Oh, also, keep in mind that this is an excerpt (goodness, have I emphasized it enough?) which means that'll you – the readers – will have to take some education guesses/assumptions as to what happened earlier in the story. You'll have to make some judgments because I a not going to retell the entire story in an excerpt.
Recommended Song: This story was inspired by Yuki Hsu's "Fen Fei". You can find the link to the song in my profile. Actually, the last portion of the story has scenes expressed and translated directly from the song. :)
Midnight Tonight
3/8/08 – 3/9/08
He had barely left her apartment – walking out the door less than a minute ago – when she suddenly felt insecure again. Now that she was finally so, so close to achieving her dreams, she was terrified – terrified of losing what was finally within her reach. For one reason or another, every agonizing step she took towards her final prize seemed to increase the likelihood that it would slip through her fingers.
Before, there had been nothing to lose, but now…now that he…
No, he hadn't actually said those words, but it had been implied. He hadn't told her that he loved her. Goodness, he hadn't even told her that he cared. But it was there. She could see it in his actions. She could see it in the way he moved, the way he talked, and in the way that he looked at her. Many times, his actions spoke in ways louder than his words ever could.
She didn't need to hear those words. She didn't need to hear that he loved her. She knew that it was difficult – that it was impossible – for a shinobi to utter those words. So, she convinced herself that she didn't need to hear them. It was enough to see it. It was more than enough to know that she held the attention – the heart – of Konoha's best.
It was enough. It was more than enough…
She sat for hours – thinking, musing, and pondering.
Hours rolled by, and before she knew it; it was already dark. Jumping slightly when she heard several sharp knocks against the door, she frowned and shook her head in mock disapproval, "Goodness! Koharu, how many times have I told you to bring your keys before you go…" she trailed off when she opened the door, revealing the last girl she had been expecting to see.
"Can I come in?" the girl asked.
Snapping back to reality, she nodded and stepped aside. As she locked the door, taking her time to gather her wits, she felt distinctly awkward. Of course, they had met several times before. However, she couldn't remember once parting on good terms. It wasn't that the girl was innately cruel or mean, or anything like that. Actually, she was quite positive the two of them could have been good friends if their circumstances had been different – if he hadn't existed between them.
"Kagome-san." she cordially offered, nodding stiffly in acknowledgment.
"Sango-san." she returned in an equally stiff tone.
They stood awkwardly, both finding it hard to look the other in the face. Seconds passed, feeling like they had stood there for months. Finally, Sango gave in to the need to talk and broke into hysterical pleads. "Please…" she began, immediately beginning to crumble before her eyes.
Kagome jumped, taken aback by the utter pain and despair in the other girl's voice. In all her encounters with Sango, she had never imagined the girl could sound so weak…and human. For the longest time, she had simply accepted that the girl wasn't human – that she was a weapon – a person incapable of showing human emotions without seriously injuring herself in the process.
"Please," she continued, going as far as to swallow her injured pride by dropping to her knees in front of the exiled princess. "Please, let him go."
Kagome stiffened, immediately understanding what she was asking. Seriously, why was she even surprised? Had they ever sat down and had a decent conversation that did not revolve around him? Clenching her hands, irritated by Sango's self-assured plead, she snapped, "You're talking to the wrong person."
"No, no, you don't understand!" Sango cried, latching onto her hands in a death grip. "He'll never let you go. Never! Not unless you let go first."
Kagome snorted. "Then, it's good for me. Why would I want him to let go?"
"You don't understand!" Sango repeated.
Kagome pulled her hand out of Sango's grip, ignoring the sting of the girl's nails as they scraped across her skin. "I think we are established that fact. However, I don't see what I'm not understanding – besides the obvious fact that you can't seem to accept that he…" Kagome paused, unable to bring herself to finish her sentence. Did he really love her? Did she really have the right to make that kind of claim? Sighing, she relented and finished, "…that he cares for me."
Sango looked up, her cheeks stained with tears. "He loves you."
Kagome froze, shocked that Sango had said the words that she hadn't dared to assume. "Then why…?" she asked, utterly confused. She knew. She knew and she was still asking her to leave him?
"You aren't a suitable match for him." Sango explained, completely missing Kagome's flinch at the careless remark. "You're not a kunoichi." she continued, looking towards her with hope that she would somehow understand. "You hate his career. You can't bring yourself to accept that he is a murderer – a man born to bring pain and blood to others. You will never be able to understand him the way I do. You were never meant to live our kind of lifestyle, princess."
Though the title lacked its usual sting, Kagome felt like she had been slapped. "I-I've been trying." she explained, desperate and frustrated. "I don't need him to constantly protect me anymore. I can take care of myself. I can…I can…"
"You're trying, but it doesn't change the fact that you're a liability."
Kagome stumbled, leaning against the wall for support.
"What could you possibly offer him? Your love?" asked Sango, begging her to understand her disposition. "You're the exiled princess of a country that had lost to us. Your status is worth nothing here."
"I…" Kagome murmured, beginning to feel dizzy.
"Itachi is one of Konoha's greatest warriors – a genius unparalleled in power, charisma, and knowledge. The possibilities open to him are endless. Your selfishness will only hold him back from his full potential. He may love you, but you're the farthest thing from what he truly needs.
"As a shinobi, he needs a kunoichi – a warrior that can fight alongside him. As a man, he needs a woman – a mother that can raise his children. As the heir of the Uchiha Clan, he needs a wife – a bride of nobility. As the future leader of our nation, he needs a companion – a woman of strength and wisdom."
Kagome felt sick. Her stomach churned and her body trembled. Her head spun as she tried to make the room stop going in circles.
"We grew up together." Sango murmured. "I looked up to him. He was my ideal. I saw his strength, his cunning, his ruthlessness…and I loved him. Even now, I still love him. I love all of him – both his kindness and his cruelty. I love him so much that it hurts. He was supposed to be mine. He was my fiancé long before he met you. He was supposed to be mine." Sango's eyes watered with unshed tears as memories of her childhood swam to the forefront of her mind. "You changed him. You made him soft. You made him lose the edge that ensured him victory in every battle. Your kindness – your weaknesses – will be his end. One day, your love will kill him."
Kagome closed her eyes. Her head was pounding. She couldn't think. She didn't want to think. It hurt to think.
"So, if you love him at all, you'll let him go."
She couldn't breath. She couldn't see. She felt numb. Her heart pounded erratically in her ears as she struggled to remain standing. "I…" she panted, trying to breathe. "I…" she felt her consciousness spin out of her hands as she pitched into the darkness.
She didn't want to let go.
Kagome blinked, trying to clear the haze from her mind. Even before the room swam into focus and she remembered the night before, she knew that he was there. She could feel him – his hands holding hers. His hands were warm, protecting her with the strength that she could feel beneath his gentle hold.
How could she ever bring herself to let it go?
Unbidden, tears slipped past her closed eyes. Moving to wipe away her tears, she froze when she felt his thumbs on her cheeks, gently brushing the droplets aside. "Itachi," she whispered, leaning into his hand when he moved to cup her cheek.
"What happened?" he asked; his breath ghosting across her face.
Opening her eyes, she smiled and shook her head. He didn't know. "I fainted." There was no need to bring up Sango. It wasn't really her fault, anyway. She had no one to blame but her own weakness.
Itachi's eyes narrowed. Even if she refused to say anything, he was sure that he already knew a good portion of it. However, seeing the tiredness in her eyes, he decided to save his questions for another time. "Come," he beckoned, helping her into a sitting position. "Let's go take a walk."
Kagome nodded, allowing him to guide her out of the room.
Stepping onto the streets, she immediately felt self-conscious when everyone's eyes instantly focused on them. Flushing slightly in embarrassment, she discreetly cast a glance at her partner. He looked so natural – so comfortable under the people's probing gazes that she felt that they really did live it two different worlds.
They were so different. They lived such vastly different lifestyles that she wondered what would happen in the attraction between them faded. What would be left to bind them together? Their interests were on opposite sides of the pole. If he stopped liking her one day, would he hate her for not letting him go?
Subconsciously, her grip tightened around his hand. Sango was right. She was selfish. Her love was selfish. Even though she knew that she wasn't what he needed in a wife, she didn't want to let go. She wanted him to love her – to see only her. She didn't want to let go because it hurt to think that if she let go now, he may fall in love with another woman in the future.
"Kagome?" he asked, pulling her a little closer to him.
Kagome bit her lips to keep herself from crying when she felt his arms move to wrap around her waist. Pushing her troubled thoughts aside, she leaned her head against his shoulder and focused on the now instead of the future.
"Kagome-chan!" cried Ino, spotting them from across the street.
"Ino-chan," she greeted, lifting her head off Itachi's shoulder.
"Itachi-sama," Ino bowed, looking towards Kagome with a sly wink.
"Yamanaka." greeted Itachi, nodding in acknowledgment.
Pulling Kagome aside, Ino whispered loudly enough to alert the entire street. "So, when's the wedding?" Seeing her friend flush in embarrassment, she laughed, "What are you shy about? Everyone knew it was going to happen sooner of later, right?" Smiling in excitement, she grinned, "Well, make sure you buy your special flowers from Yamanaka Flowers, got it? I'll give you a big discount." she laughed, nudging her friend in the ribs. "What do you think, Itachi-sama?" she asked, turning respectfully to ANBU Captain.
Kagome blushed, avoiding Itachi's probing gaze.
"I'll hold you to it." Itachi smirked, causing Ino to squeal in delight.
Kagome cocked her head in question. Was he really considering…marrying her? A rush of elation engulfed her as she allowed Itachi to pull her back to his side. "Itachi?" she softly whispered.
"I think…" he began.
"Ino-pig!" a piercing scream interrupted. Kagome jumped in surprise as she turned. She immediately flinched when she spotted the pink-head heading towards them with Sango and two other kunoichis in tow. "How could you say that?" Sakura demanded angrily. "Just eight months ago, you were offering to arrange flowers for Itachi-sama and Sango-chan's wedding. Now, you're making the same offer to her?"
Kagome shuddered, beginning to wish that she had never left her apartment.
"Do you have a problem, Haruno?" Itachi icily demanded, daring her to say another word. The pink-head shivered and wisely took a step back. She didn't dare to say another word…for now.
"Itachi…" Sango murmured, biting her lips when she found herself on the receiving end of his cold anger. She felt her heart thump in a mixture of excitement and fear when Itachi suddenly stepped towards her and lowered his mouth to her ears. "I-Itachi…?" she stuttered, moving to touch him.
"Don't think I don't know what you did." he whispered, causing her to drop her hand in shock. "If you distress Kagome again, I won't promise that you'll live to regret it. Don't make me stain my hands…Sango."
Sango swallowed and blinked back tears as she watched Itachi gently guide Kagome away. He didn't look back. He didn't care. He wasn't lying. He would kill her, much in the same way that he had killed Shisui. She would be dead, and no one would question it. Itachi would be brush it off as an accident, and everyone else would agree.
Her heart clenched when she felt Sakura place her hand on her shoulder, offering her little comfort. Ignoring the growing lump in her throat, Sango nodded to indicate that she was all right.
She would live through it.
As weeks passed into months, Sango's words returned to haunt her again.
At first, her fears had been allayed by Itachi's presence. He assured her, more through action than words, that he would never regret the choice that he made. He loved her in his own way. Even though he never declared it out loud, she knew that he loved her more than had ever loved anyone else.
He loved her, and it should have been enough.
But it wasn't.
As time drew on, she learned that Sango had been right. Itachi wanted her, but she wasn't what he needed. She loved him, but she was a liability – a constant burden both at home and on the battlefield. She hadn't wanted to believe that she was hurting him, but the knowledge was hard to ignore when it was staring her in the face – reminding her of the risks and sacrifices that he had to make for her safety.
She wasn't blind. She knew that her presence was hurting his relationship with his clan and the rest of the village. Though he never mentioned it, she knew that his clan had been pushing him to sever their ties. There was nothing that she could offer him. She was a foreign princess – an exiled woman that had been abandoned by her own country. She was a woman scorned by the village – her countrymen had killed their men. They would never forgive her, and they would never be able to accept her as a proper match for their beloved prodigy.
For a while, she had been able to push away her guilt because he hadn't looked too particularly stressed by the village's pressure. However, as the days drew on, she was forced to acknowledge that her presence was hurting him – both physically and socially.
Too often, she had been targeted by enemy shinobis as Itachi's weakness. Too often, she had seen him bleed for her sake. Too often, she had seen him brought to his knees to protect her. Too often, she had seen him suffer to make sure she returned safely each night.
She was a burden, and she knew without a doubt that one day, he would end up dying for her if things continued on the way it did. For her sake, he had already faced an entire army alone and unarmed. Although he had emerged the victor from the massacre, she held no delusions that he would be able to return safely each time.
One day, her weakness would kill him.
She would kill him.
The knowledge stabbed her as if she had been physically injured. She would kill him, and his love for her would be his downfall.
"K-Kagome-sama!" gasped Koharu, stumbling into the room. "Kagome-sama!" she wailed, tumbling onto her knees. "I-Itachi-sama…he…he…"
Kagome felt her heart stop as she grasped Koharu's hand and demanded, "What?"
Koharu took a deep breath and cried, "I heard from Ino, who heard from Shikamaru, who heard from Naruto, who heard from…"
"Get to the point!" Kagome snapped, feeling as if she would die if she had to wait another second.
Koharu gulped. She had never seen her mistress so angry. Stuttering, she quickly finished, "…w-who had heard from Sasuke, who had overheard the clan forcing Itachi-sama to choose between his position as heir and…and y-you."
Kagome released her grip on Koharu and slipped back into her chair.
"K-Kagome-sama…?"
She felt distinctly numb as she stared unseeingly at the wall.
"Kagome-sama…?" Koharu repeated, beginning to sound worried.
Kagome closed her eyes, dismissing Koharu with a wave of her hand. She needed time to herself – to think. She needed time that she no longer had. She knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to let go…ever.
If possible, she wanted to hold onto him forever.
"Kagome?" he asked, gently flicking her forehead with the end of his chopstick. His lips lifted in amusement when she jumped in surprise, rubbing the mark as if she had been injured.
She pouted. "Itachi!" she cried.
"What's on your mind?" he asked, returning his attention to his food.
"Nothing," Kagome petulantly answered, shoving a ball of rice into her mouth.
Itachi shook his head, but didn't ask again. After a moment, when Kagome had thought he had dropped the subject, he spoke. "You don't have to worry about anything." he stated, holding her gaze with his own. "There is nothing that I cannot handle."
That's the problem, Kagome thought to herself as she bit her lips. However, she kept the thought to herself. "Well," she teased, plastering on a smile, "Aren't you full of yourself today!"
"I'm sure you already knew." he dryly answered.
That I do, she silently agreed. Her eyes dulled with barely suppressed sorrow as she watched him. She loved watching him. So sweet, so beautiful, yet deadlier than any demon she had ever met.
As he continued to eat, she smiled. Who knew a man like him could have such immaculate table manners? Before she had met him, she had thought that all shinobis ate like slobs – wolfing down their food like ruffians. But watching him, she could almost imagine him as a prince – a lord or daimyo.
"Is there something on my face?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Yes, there is." Kagome answered, trying to hold back her giggle. Raising her hand to his cheek, she made a motion to clean his face before wiping her chocolate-covered fingers across his cheek.
"Oh, really?" asked Itachi, ignoring the chocolate fingerprint on his cheek in favor of grabbing her retreating hand. When she tried to pull back, he tightened his grip. Before she could protest, he brought her hand to his mouth and gently clamped his lips around her finger, bathing the digit with his tongue.
Kagome giggled, enjoying the feel of his tongue against her skin. Then, before she even realized it, she found her nose covered in strawberry tart. Huffing, she muttered, "Wow, real mature, Itachi-sama." Then, she smiled and laughed. It was nice…sweet. He was always so serious that she treasured every moment that he ignored propriety in order to be himself.
It made her glow to know that he only acted that way around her.
"Itachi, I…" Feeling the weight of someone's glare on her, she looked up and immediately frowned when she spotted Sango and Sakura coming towards them. Reality instantly crashed back, reminding her that she had been planning to end this.
Sango and Sakura stopped by their table. None of them spoke. From the pained look on Sango's face, she guessed that they had witnessed their exchange. A part of her wanted to feel guilty for causing her pain, but another part of her wanted to gloat – to show her that Itachi was hers.
But since she didn't have the right to do either, she simple did nothing.
Sango's eyes were riveted on the chocolate fingerprint on Itachi's cheek. At first, she had been surprised that he hadn't tried to stop her. She knew that he had killed others for lesser offenses. Then, she had been stunned that he hadn't been angry. Instead, he had actually looked amused…happy. Finally, she had felt downright jealous when he returned the favor by creaming Kagome with his own dessert – acting for the first time in his life like a young man rather than a ruthless warrior.
"How could you…" Sakura began, flushing with fury on her friend's behalf. She had barely began her sentence when she suddenly jumped, backing away from the table in fear when Itachi's eyes flashed in warning.
Sango felt the hairs on her skin raise in trepidation when Itachi's dark, bottomless eyes suddenly flared to life, bleeding to a cold, angry red. The Sharingan was a powerful weapon. She knew from first-hand experience that they weren't to be taken lightly.
"What business do you have here?" he asked; his voice deceptively calm.
"I…" Sango began, feeling her words die in her throat when she saw Kagome lean across the table and gently clean the chocolate off his face. A rush of jealousy took her as she quickly looked away to avert another confrontation.
Realizing the pain that Kagome was causing her friend, Sakura swallowed her fear and snapped, "Can you stopping touching him? What are you trying to prove? That you're better than Sango-chan?"
Kagome paused, her fists clenching.
Sango's heart pounded in unadulterated fear when she saw Itachi's eyes shift into the Mangekyou Sharingan. He was angry – more so than she had ever seen him. She had no doubt that he wouldn't have any qualms about attacking them. She had seen enough to know that he would do anything to protect the small woman beside him.
"Sakura," she whispered, pushing her frightened friend back. "Let's go."
Wordlessly, they quickly left.
Itachi's eyes returned to their usual black as he paid and stood. "Let's go," he echoed, helping Kagome to her feet. They left; ignoring people's questioning gazes as they walked out.
Kagome remained uncharacteristically quiet as Itachi walked her back to her apartment. At the door, she barely even offered him a word of acknowledgment before quickly turning to go in. Seeing Sango again had reminded her of the words that she had spoken months ago. It reminded her that her relationship with Itachi was hardly accepted by anyone. It reminded her that she couldn't continue staying near him without harming him in the process.
It reminded her that she was a liability – an unwanted burden.
It was a week later that Kagome realized that she couldn't keep ignoring the problem any longer. She had been on her way home from the market, fully prepared to welcome Itachi back from his latest mission with a home-made feast, when she had ran into his younger brother.
"Sasuke…?" she asked. He didn't answer. He simply motioned for her to meet him at the bridge in two hours. Understanding that it was urgent, she nodded, agreeing to meet him at the appointed time.
Later, after dropping off her groceries, she headed to the bridge to meet Sasuke. To her surprise, he was already there even though she had left half an hour early (since she hadn't been able to sit still).
"Sasuke?" she called as he turned, sensing her approach.
She felt herself stiffen when she saw the dark frown on his lips. Sasuke had never been outright against her relationship with Itachi; however, she had no delusions that he accepted it either. Most likely, he had only remained silent because he hadn't wanted to go against his beloved brother.
"Sas…" Kagome began.
"They're planning to make me the heir." Sasuke interrupted, pinning Kagome with an unreadable look. Seeing the confusion in her eyes, he explained, "The clan knows that Aniki will choose you over the clan. So, they're planning to publicly disgrace him by kicking him out of the Uchiha Clan and making me the heir."
Kagome gasped, horrified. They wouldn't!
Sasuke's jaw clenched. "But they're not going to stop at that. The clan will never be able to accept Nii-san's decision that easily. They're going to kill him."
Kagome's heart skipped a beat.
Sasuke closed the distance between them. "I've looked up to him since I was a child," he whispered, "I'm not going to let you ruin him." Moving past her, he added, "If you care about my Aniki, then leave him."
Kagome swallowed, her eyes blurring with tears.
If you love him at all, you'll let him go.
Kagome dropped her to her knees and cried, wondering why Fate had allowed them to meet when she was only going to tear them apart in the end.
If you care about my Aniki, then leave him.
"I know," she cried, bitter tears racing down her cheeks as anguished sobs shook her shoulders. "I know."
She had to let him go.
Koharu immediately began to panic when she entered the apartment to find her mistress staring despondently into space. "Kagome-sama!" she cried, grabbing her hands. They were cold – ice cold. "Oh, Kagome-sama, please talk to me! What happened? Did something happen to Itachi-sama?" she asked, feeling her panic increase tenfold.
Hearing Itachi's name, Kagome immediately snapped out of her despondent state and murmured, "No…no, I'll fix it. Everything's going to be all right. I'll fix it. I'll fix it. You'll see…"
Koharu felt her own tears surface. Her mistress had gone insane. Oh goodness! What had happened? "S-Stay here, Kagome-sama, I'll go find you a medic-nin. You'll be all right. You'll be fine. You'll be…"
"Koharu," Kagome mumbled, grabbing the girl's hand to keep her from bounding off to the hospital in search of a cure. Taking a deep breath, she firmly locked away her emotions and murmured, "Go find Itachi." She felt numb. Numbness was good. It meant that she wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore. "Tell him to meet me at Greyfort Street tonight."
Koharu breathed a sigh of relief. Her mistress sounded sane again. "All right," she answered, offering her mistress a small smile. "But wouldn't it be easier if I just invited him here?"
Kagome shook her head, ignoring the pain in her heart. "After you deliver the message, come back and pack our stuff."
"Pack…our stuff?" Koharu echoed. What was she talking about?
"We're going home." Kagome answered, pulling the crumbled letter from her pocket. "The Hokage told me I was welcome to leave anytime I wished." she explained, purposely mistaking the questioning look on Koharu's face. "Remember?" she smiled, "He told you too. After everyone found out that I wasn't Souta, they said I was welcome to go back home. I don't have to stay here anymore."
"I know." Koharu answered. "But you don't want to go home. You like it here. Itachi-sama is…"
Kagome held up the letter. "Father said I could go home. He found Souta. I don't have to stay here anymore." Before Koharu could interrupt again, she added, "It says that Inuyasha is alive too."
"Yes," Koharu cried, wrenching the letter from her mistress's hand. "I know. We both know! You got this letter five months ago! If you had wanted to go home, you could have left then!"
"It's better this way." Kagome answered.
"What are you talking about?" she demanded, frustrated.
Kagome looked up. This was it. There was no turning back now. Steeling herself, she stated, "For all intents and purposes, this letter arrived today, understand?" She could see that Koharu didn't understand, but she couldn't find the will in herself to care. "When you meet Itachi, you will not mention anything about us leaving to him. Not a word, you hear? Once you deliver the message, come back immediately and pack. Be ready to meet me at the gate tonight. I want to leave as soon as possible."
Koharu bit her lips and nodded, knowing better than to go against her superior. However, it didn't change the fact that she didn't like it. She knew what her mistress was planning to do, and it pained her to know that she was helping her mistress hurt herself. "All right," she finally conceded, hating herself for those words. "I'll do as you say."
"Thank you," Kagome replied, closing her eyes to hide the anguish from her maidservant's eyes. Thank you.
Her hands felt clammy. Her heart was beating 100 miles per minutes. She could feel hysteria beginning to build behind her fortress of numbness. She couldn't do it. She didn't want to do it! He was hers. She loved him, and she was sure that he did too. But no…no, she couldn't. She had to. She had to leave.
She had to let him go.
Closing her eyes, steeling her will, she stepped onto Greyford Street and stopped. There he was – bathed in the ethereal glow of the moonlight. He slowly turned, sensing her presence, and closed the distance between them. Her heart ached as he pulled her into his arms. She felt like she was going to die when he finally pressed his lips against her forehead in a soft, innocent kiss.
How could she…How could they expect her to leave him?
Clamping down on her emotions, she pulled out of his arms and looked up. He was gazing quietly at her with a questioning look in his eyes. More or less, she knew that he had probably already guessed that there was something troubling her.
He always knew.
"What is it?" he asked, curling his fingers in her hair.
Kagome swallowed and lowered her eyes. She couldn't do it. She couldn't.
"Tell me. I know there's something bothering you. You wouldn't have asked to meet me here tonight if there was nothing wrong." he murmured, drawing her against him again. He loosely held her in his arms as he waited for her to speak.
Kagome bit her lips, fighting back her tears. Fisting her hands in his clothes, she buried her face in his chest and breathed, hoping to ingrain his scent in her memory. She didn't want to forget him…ever.
"Kagome…?" He could tell that there was something seriously wrong. From the way her shoulders trembled, he knew that she was holding back her tears. "Tell me," he coaxed, knowing that people would be shocked if they saw him now. He couldn't recall ever being gentle or kind, but with her…his eyes softened as he tightened his hold around her small body.
Minutes passed without either saying a word. They simply enjoyed the peace and solace that they found in the other's arm. They didn't say anything, each lost within their own thoughts. Itachi held her, wondering what had caused her distress and vowing to kill the cause while Kagome clung to him, wondering what she could possibly say to him at this point.
Standing in the silent, deserted street where she first met him, she wondered what she should say now. It felt like yesterday when she had stepped into Konoha and met him here. She been dressed as a boy then – impersonating her brother. He had looked at her, and she knew immediately that she had been lost.
She had loved him from the very first moment their eyes had met.
She knew it would be difficult, but she hadn't thought it would be impossible. She knew that if she tried, she would be able to catch his attention…and she did.
As Souta – the exiled prince – she had become his second friend. He had guided her like a mentor, treating her as human when others had scorned her existence. He had cared for her, loving her in the same detached manner that he had loved his own brother. He had loved her, but he hadn't been in love with her.
Then, as Kagome – the exiled princess – she had become more than a friend. He still treated her the same way, but he shared things with her that he had never shared with Souta. He had loved her more than he had ever loved anyone else. He had killed his best friend to protect her secret.
He had loved her, and he had been willing to sacrifice everything.
But she couldn't let him do that. He had too much to lose, and she wasn't worth it. For her, it was enough to know that he had loved her once. It was more than enough. She knew that she would look back one day and remember the happiness.
She would remember, and she would treasure every moment.
But now…now was the time to let go.
She pulled back again, stepping out of his arms. He didn't say anything, and he didn't make a move to pull her back. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Locking her emotions behind her mask, she looked up and stopped.
He was wonderful. His usual cold, apathetic eyes were filled with warmth. He loved and trusted her. How could she tell him that this was the end? That tonight, here where they had first met, would be the place that they parted?
Watching him, she felt like a fool. He was so perfect – so wonderful. She held his precious feelings in her hands, and she was going to be forced to trample them under her foot. Unbidden, tears welled in her eyes. However, she refused to let them fall. He didn't need to see her tears. She wanted him to remember her best – her smiling face – when he remembered her.
Clenching her fists, she opened her mouth and took a deep breath. She couldn't cry. She couldn't. She said she would be strong. She said she wasn't going to cry. She couldn't. Not now.
She was going to leave with a smile on her face.
"Itachi…" she murmured, startled that she had spoken his name out loud. Biting her tongue, she blinked back her tears and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm a fool." she finally stated, holding his gaze. He didn't say anything, but she could see the question in his eyes.
She had confused him.
If the circumstances had been different, she would have laughed.
"You know," she began conversationally, turning her eyes away from him. She couldn't look at him anymore. She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to bring herself to leave if she did. "I really thought it would last. I thought that if I tried hard enough, I would be able to love you."
Itachi's eyes darkened with confusion.
"But I can't. I can't love you." Kagome's heart broke when she saw the pain in his dark eyes. He was no longer confused. He understood, and she almost wished that he didn't. "I tried to love you." And I did – I really did. "But I can't – not anymore." It's not true. "I thought I loved you." I still do. "But I can't deny that I don't." It's a lie. A lie. It has always been you. "I love someone else." There is no one else.
Itachi's eyes burned with a mixture of frustration, anger, and jealousy as he demanded, "Who?" He had never felt so many conflicting emotions in his life. He wanted to hurt her for hurting him. He wanted to hate her for lying to him. But he couldn't bring himself to hate her anymore than he could hate himself.
"Inuyasha," Kagome answered, feeling sick.
"Your fiancé," Itachi coldly stated.
Kagome swallowed. "Yes. I thought he was dead. I-I thought I could love you because he was dead. But now…My father says he's alive. I have to go back to him." She clenched her fists. She could do this. She had to.
Itachi closed the distance between them and gripped her arms. "What makes you think I won't kill him myself?"
Kagome's eyes widened. He wouldn't! "Y-You can't." she stuttered.
Itachi's lips thinned. "I can."
Pulling out of his grasps, surprised that he immediately released her, she begged, "Please…please don't. Inuyasha…he…" She knew that Inuyasha would be as good as dead if Itachi was serious. "It's not his fault." It really wasn't. Inuyasha didn't even know that she had fallen in love with someone else. He had nothing to do with it.
"What could he possible offer you that I can't?" he asked, his anger burning into her mind.
Nothing…There was nothing anyone could ever offer her that could replace him. "Everything," she lied. "I love him." She felt sick when she saw the pain and anger in his eyes. For a moment, she wondered if this was worth it. Was it worth it to hurt him? Was it worth it to trample on his feelings? Was anything worth it?
She wanted to say no, but she couldn't.
She couldn't because she knew that his life was worth it. She would only kill him if she continued to stay with him. If saving him meant leaving him, then she would do it. Even if he hated her for the rest of his life, she would smile knowing that he was safe. She would smile when she remembered him.
Memories of him would be enough.
But then…why did she feel like she was going to die? Seeing him like this – hurting him like this – she felt like she would rather die than continue to see his pain. She had never wanted to hurt him.
"Itachi…" she murmured.
"Go." he interrupted, stepping aside.
Kagome ignored the twist in her heart when his eyes turned ice-cold. He was so cold – so angry that she almost told the truth to ease his pain. However, before she could, she caught herself and nodded. "I'll go." Offering him one last, watery smile, she turned and walked.
Sometime during the middle of their exchange, it had begun to rain. To her surprise, she hadn't even realized it. However, she quickly found that she didn't care. It was nice though…to know that the heavens were crying alongside her.
Turning her back to him, she dropped her mask and allowed the anguish to wash over her. Pained tears raced down her cheeks as she forged onwards. She felt like a fool. She had tried so hard to make it work – to make their love sweet. She had thought that if she tried – if she gave her best – everything would work out.
She was such a fool! She had thought that hard work would have been enough to preserve their relationship. She had thought it would be enough. But in the end, she found that everything had been for nothing. She had tried so hard to make their love work, only to find that their love had been nothing more than Fate's entertainment – a series of cruel trials.
She had been too ignorant – too attached. She had relied on him so much that she hadn't even realized that she had become a burden. She had been too ignorant to see that her presence had been hurting him – that her love had been killing him. And now…now there was only one thing she could do for him.
And that was to let him go.
She had thought everything would be all right as long as he loved her. She had thought that it would last forever – last an eternity and become a legend. But, in less than a moment, it had ended.
Tonight, everything had ended…and she had lost everything.
She stopped. She could feel his eyes on her back, watching her. She could almost feel him asking her to turn back – to prove that she hadn't been serious. But she couldn't. She had gone too far to turn back now.
She had to go on.
Closing her eyes, she tilted her head heavenward and allowed the rain to mingle and wash away her tears. Her shoulders shook, but she kept her back to him as she cried. Knowing that she couldn't stand there forever, she forced herself to move again.
Each step felt like an eternity, but she continued on.
No one would be able to understand her feelings – her anguish then. How could anyone understand how she felt? How would anyone ever understand? She had given so much, only to receive separation in return.
The hurt was unbearable. Any moment, she felt she would collapse and never be able to stand again. However, for his sake and her sake, she pushed herself past her limits and moved.
She could see the gate now.
Accepting Koharu's support, they took their first step out of Konoha together. She didn't look back. She couldn't bear to look back. So she didn't. She continued onwards as Koharu turned her head to cast the closing gates one last look.
She hadn't meant to look, but she couldn't stop herself from casting one last glance at the place she had learned to call home. When her eyes finally locked on the closing gates, she nearly cried for her mistress when she saw him standing there.
He was drenched in rainwater, an unreadable emotion in his eyes. Koharu knew that she would never be able to forget that expression. It was so strong – so powerful that she nearly pulled her mistress back.
But she didn't. She couldn't.
It wasn't her decision.
Instead, she turned back and whispered, "It'll be all right. It'll get better." The words sounded hollow, but she knew that her mistress needed to hear them. She needed as much comfort as she could get, and Koharu was going to give as much to her as she needed. Even though she knew that they were nothing more than hollow promises, she offered them anyway because it was all she could offer her broken mistress.
"No, it won't." Kagome whispered. The pain would dull, but it would never get better. She knew that. She knew that there would be heartache when she made her choice. She just wished she had known earlier that there was no such thing as everlasting love.
Then, maybe then, she wouldn't be suffering so much now.
"Let's go." she murmured, moving farther and farther away from Konoha as they trudged through the downpour.
Neither looked back again.
Itachi held up his hand, wordlessly commanding the guards to keep the gate open. He wasn't sure why he was standing there. She had made it clear that she was leaving. So why was he still there? He clenched his fists, knowing that a part of him had expected her to turn back – to come back to him.
He had watched as she walked away from him. He had seen the pain in her eyes as she turned away from him. He had waited, expecting her to run back to him. He had waited to hear that she had been lying – to hear that Inuyasha meant nothing to her. He had waited for her to return to him.
But she didn't.
She had paused. She had stopped. But she continued. She hadn't looked back.
Then, like a fool, he had followed her to the gates. He had watched her leave before finally revealing himself. The guards had been startled. They had been worried that he would blame them for her departure.
But he didn't.
He wanted to blame the village.
But he didn't.
He simply watched as she left, expecting her to look back one last time. Her servant did. She did not. If she had looked back, he could have blamed the village. He could have blamed them for driving her away. But she didn't. She didn't look back and he knew that she hadn't been lying.
She loved Inuyasha.
She hadn't looked back, and he had stood like a fool, watching until the very last moment. He was soaked. He was angry, frustrated, heartbroken…but he didn't feel anything.
He felt numb.
End.
Author's Note: Wow that was long. Anyway, I hope you liked the excerpt. For those who don't like bitter endings, I'm sorry…but I love them. But, I guess you could take comfort in the knowledge that things end happily in the story. :) It just ended badly here. Actually, the story is mostly light-hearted. I just chose the lowest point. :P
Well, for those who haven't heard the song that inspired this excerpt, you can find the link in my profile. It's a Chinese song, so you can give it a try if you're brave enough. (Just kidding!)
Hm, before anyone asks, I haven't actually written this story from which the excerpt was taken. I have an outline. So, I'm not even sure if I'll ever post the actual story. But I'll think about it if you guys liked this excerpt. I had written the outline mostly for my own entertainment (though I guess I shared a piece of it). :D
Well, I hope I didn't overdose anyone with bitterness. Personally, I can't think of a better way to start or end a day with a good dose of bitter angst. :) Well, most of the time.